Idealist: "A person who sees things as what they should be, not as they are." Leader: "A person who sees things as what they should be, and takes action to make it into reality."
I think we should all strive to be leaders. Sharp-eYe, you have a lot of problems and I wouldn't know where to begin. The first step towards change is self-awareness. If I'm bad at starcraft, the very first thing I need to realize is that I am bad. That my macro is bad. That my build orders are stupid. That my understanding of basic mechanics are bad. So where ever you're headed, you're off into the right direction.
Personally, I would recommend laying out all your personal goals on a piece of paper. Go over them. Once you have everything sorted and you've chosen one of your goals, this is key, make sure that it's REASONABLY risky. If it's too hard and unattainable chances are you set yourself up for failure and you feel depressed and helpless after you fail to reach your goal. If it's too easy, then you learn nothing at all, you don't have a sense of progress, or learn from any challenge. You're probably feeling pretty pumped up after writing this blog that you can turn your character right around, but keep that principle in mind. After you've set your goals rate its "risk", ask yourself, "Is this goal reasonably risky? If it is then specifically, WHY is it risky?"
If I understand your blog correctly you would like to BE who you truly are, and express it. You want to be congruent. And you want to start changing certain things about who you are.
If I can recommend you a few practical books that deal with that topic: 1. Be Who you are, Everyone Else is Already taken + Show Spoiler +
Nah bro, doing it wrong. Let Mike The Situation straighten you out ok?
1. Workout. 2. Grab the boys 3. Go to the barber. Get fresh haircut and chop it up with the boys. 4. Get a fucking tan. Nobody wants to see your pasty ass pounding the floor when the beat fights you. 5. Find a fucking chick and ride that hip hard. If she dances on another man fuck it bro. Find another chick. 6. Pound that shit
Now you are a man. Obviously you ain't half the fucking man I am but still. Boy 2 men pal.
None of this fucking "I won't jack my shit" shit. Fuck that. Get someone's girlfriend to jack that shit for you. Each night. New chick. Always at the fucking shore baby. BOOO YAAA
On January 28 2010 19:16 TheSituation wrote: Nah bro, doing it wrong. Let Mike The Situation straighten you out ok?
1. Workout. 2. Grab the boys 3. Go to the barber. Get fresh haircut and chop it up with the boys. 4. Get a fucking tan. Nobody wants to see your pasty ass pounding the floor when the beat fights you. 5. Find a fucking chick and ride that hip hard. If she dances on another man fuck it bro. Find another chick. 6. Pound that shit
Now you are a man. Obviously you ain't half the fucking man I am but still. Boy 2 men pal.
None of this fucking "I won't jack my shit" shit. Fuck that. Get someone's girlfriend to jack that shit for you. Each night. New chick. Always at the fucking shore baby. BOOO YAAA
Yeah i was planning on running everymorning when my foot gets better (I havent been able to play anythin for a looong time). Imo running will: get me more fit, will decrease my fear of failure and speed.
On January 28 2010 17:03 Sharp-eYe wrote: but I still jacked off today. Its getting to tbe point where I am pretending to have sex on my bed, licking my pillow and rubbing the air in order to simulate what is being seen in my mind.
This had gotten to the point last year where I was doing it 3-5 times a day, all within an hour. And I only started telling my best friends (and my mom, but not in detail)
So you had sex with your pillow and then told your friends and your mother.....
On January 28 2010 17:03 Sharp-eYe wrote: This can answer why I have always been a depressed boy, ever since I can trace my memories back. I always use what is generically supposed to be said, never really sharing my feelings with anyone, and even with my self. Therefore, I have lost the ability (and only recently started to gain back) to word my feelings properly, which just made me confused and lost and worried.
As a result many MANY qualities within my started to hatch:
- a strange social awkwardness: I can talk to people sometimes, but I can never ever get a meaningul conversation. And I am uncomfortable everywhere I am unless I am on the computer, as I dont have to say anything. - being negative and thinking everything was hopeless until someone pushed me (namely, my mom) to do a half assed job with somehow got me an B+/A- average until last year. - a quick loss of determination for anything I did - unable to comprehend what people are really saying (fr example raging over things I dont like to hear) - becoming very VERY self centred. - becoming very very undecisive - being a know-it-all - make up stupid excuses to for anything remotely difficult that I didnt want to do. - placing up a wall of over confidence to protect my self esteem... but as Foucalt says, it was weak.
To sum up: A big pussy.
To add on to the this idealism, I have a sex addiction problem. However I can tell you from first hand that excessive levels of masterbation and pornography can rot your mind. I feel as if everytime I am finished, my mind fills with cum and I lose all ability to think or work or even play starcraft. Also, seeing pornographic material since grade 3 (cant remember exactly, but I know for sure it was elementary school). It weakens your mind, and every 10 seconds all you start to think about is wet vaginas or jacking off (started around the end of grade 9) to some girl in your school, or this hentai/5 some pic/video at some site. All of this has made me very abashed. I cant do work. Even now I have an economics exam in 9 hours, and I really cant work anymore. I just un-instaslled a certain web browser which allows me to go to any site without it preserving my history, but I still jacked off today. Its getting to tbe point where I am pretending to have sex on my bed, licking my pillow and rubbing the air in order to simulate what is being seen in my mind. This had gotten to the point last year where I was doing it 3-5 times a day, all within an hour. And I only started telling my best friends (and my mom, but not in detail) very recently, in the hopes that I will stop. that hasnt worked. Another example of me being excessively horney is everytime I hear the word come I convert it to cum. To sum up, I feel like sht.
However, I am going to use the same philosophy I used to stop eating junk food and lose some weight. Just fuck it, I am not eating anymore. However, even after I jacked off to some porn at around 1:30 today, I told my self "is this whatI want to do all my life? Just sit at home and jack off to porn all day?" And I was determined, until I started to lose control of my horny thoughts (again) and I went on my bed and felt like shit. .
This is incredibly depressing. Find a hobby, like basketball. Seriously.
You're essentially preaching to the choir LMAO
Best of luck to you because I'm sure everyone knows how hard it is to change who you've been for a long time almost immediately.
That's very high sex drive you have there. Perhaps you could a contact a physician and find a medication to help you balance out your moods? Although I don't see anything really wrong with having an over active libido, if it starts to effect your life then obviously there should be some constraints.
It's good you've taken time to analyze yourself and realize your faults, you're at least now making a conscious effort to improve yourself which is a huge step. Good luck.
EPT
