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This is a reply in part to a post in my previous girl thread at
http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=162113¤tpage=7
I want ALL my friends to be females!! BOO YEAH!!
Seriously, if my friends were guys and I invited my girl friend around, she'd instantly be the centre of attention. I want MYSELF to come across as having "high status", not her
My friend is breathtakingly beautiful and very confident in herself but still has a LOT of issues. She finds it impossible to make friends with men because they're only after one thing and obviously act in a certain way around her (either wussy or otherwise).
And she doesn't really get along with other girls for some reason, idk why really, she always has an issue with one person or another. I think thats a good way to describe her problem really : she ALWAYS sees, homes in, focuses on a problem.
Eg I can take her out for the day, and if I mess up for 5 minutes in the 3 hours then she'll focus on that one thing and remember it and make a deal out of it. If she meets a new person then she'll find out what she doesn't like about him/her and just make it the basis of her entire opinion of him/her.
I told her, say Thursday, "I've made a plan for Saturday". She texts me saying "I'm ready to go shopping now" on Saturday afternoon. We meet up, and I didn't explicitly tell her, but I had a schedual planned: photo exhibition, then eco-fair and a talk on wind turbines, THEN shopping, then comedy club. But when we met, she got completely upset and pissy because she expected to go shopping for 5 hours because I hadn't told her and made her consciously aware that I had other things planned.
We talked about it afterwards and she said I shouldn't have kept it as a "surprise" and should have let her know I had things planned.
CAN YOU SEE HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO PLEASE THIS GIRL??? LOL
But, seriously, she has a point. If you were expecting to go shopping and had stuff you wanted to buy, and suddenly your friend says we've only got 2 hours to shop because we're doing other shit, you might be perturbed.
Back to the issue with my friend and meeting people, or going out, or doing activities to have fun.
It sounds like I'm describing a sociopath but she totally recognises her faults and wants to deal with them. I'm just unable to figure them out, because I don't tend to judge other people and am trying to deal with issues PERSONALLY rather than "help" or analyse OTHER people at the moment. Right now I just try to change or alleviate the mood by doing something funny to deal with any sulking or foul moods.
You know, after listening to David D'angelo (self-help tapes) for X hours, it doesn't just make me excited and interested and more aware of the way men behave. Having a close female friend, it also makes me interested and more aware of HER issues and how her life is so fucking different to all of ours.
In conclusion, does anyone know of awesome lessons for females? Eg "The Alpha Girl: How to get along with people and enjoy your life."
Now I've been trying out a few DD things, and my friend has been noticing consciously and sub-consciously. One of the things she said to me the other day was "You've been standing with your hands on your hips and its extremely intimidating!". I was like, lol I've been trying to come across as more confident and more masculine. But .... she told me it was peculiar and intimidating! Obviously I'm not agreeing with her 100%, but its so fucking fantastic to have this second opinion and to be able to BALANCE myself with its assistance.
If you have any questions or comments to what I've written above then please share. I know I'm not asking anything specific but maybe you've met someone or been in similar circumstance to me and have someting to share.
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you could always just recommend visiting a psychiatrist to her. These guys can actually help on such plain problems and do not deal with weird crazy mentally ill people only.
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Ya she's been going on about seeing a therapist for forever. I brought it up the other day and she was like "BLAH BLAH SOME BULLSHIT IDK" avoidance shit. I'm not entirely awesome so I didn't get to the root of what she was on about. When you have a super hot chick telling you something, and you're tired or not 100% on the ball, then you tend to go along with it. You don't wanna get confrontational. This is obviously something I am working on improving, but shit doesn't just come to you instantly
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It's not easy being really really ridiculously good looking Poor girl
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wtf, you are listening to David D'angelo but yet you go here for advice? Get his fucking programs, become a man and you'll have more girls than you ever could dream of. Like me, haha.
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well usually you should try to find out the reason for things. you can go all day on recommending things to her that she could try to do different, but in order to really change something, the way she thinks must change. That trying to do something *can* solve the issue if she actually does it for a couple of days and whilst doing it notices something that makes her realize the way she thought about it before and what was wrong about that, so she thinks different about it from then on and thus continues to behave differently or something like that.
But this is just one way to change the way someone thinks about something. You can also approach this more directly and by asking the right questions get to how that person thinks, or actually get the person itself to realize how they think, so they notice what's wrong. This is obviously more effective as you don't have to hope on the noticing through trying thing, but at the same time its far more difficult to find the "right" questions. And thats what "shrinks" are good at.
Maybe try to find why she came up with the "bullshit" defense. its probably something like "everybody who knows will think i'm completely crazy if i go there". This is actually true for a lot of people, but these people usually either didn't think about what it really means to visit a psychiatrist, so if you confront them with it they'll get into an okay mindset after a while, or they are idiots you don't want to hang out with anyways i guess.
So, maybe, next time you try to help her, try to change her mind about something by finding out reasons for why she does or thinks stuff the way she does, and don't try to change the symptoms of that thinking. I think that's a more successful approach. And if you notice that you're good at finding those right questions, become a shrink :p
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I truly have no idea how old you are, but throughout this post I will be assuming you're in the age range of 13 to 18.
Obviously, sooner or later, life is going to be hitting her really hard. In other words, she's bound to change. When the time comes in which she's going to have to find a job and is going to be required to be a group worker, or realize that there's other people besides her in this world (assuming she won't be flipping burgers or attending drunks in local bars), she'll be getting herself blown out of the water the first day.
I read someone suggesting she get psychological help, however, don't you believe that someone that writes two lengthy blogs on such a trivial, if not everyday-life issue requires said help much more than this girl does? Can't you just chill out and let her be? Why the crave to get into her mind? I think you're in love with her.
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I'm really wondering how old you are...
I had a friend just like this. She is a bitch. There is no sweet talking around it. I waited far farrrr too long to cut ties with my friend while hoping that the good person in her might come out. She just continues to use people.
I'm not saying stop talking to her but don't let her put you down. When she tries to ruin your plans after you've already told her that you had them that is a prime example. For fucks sake she didn't even want to do something with you, she just wanted you to do something with her so that she wouldn't be alone. Don't be a pussy and let her make you think that you are somehow in the wrong when you definitely aren't. This is a classic thing that bitches do because they are incredibly self conscious. Also, it might not be the case with the whole comment about you having your hands on your hips but from the sounds of it she will be saying little things like this to try to knock you down a peg. Don't let her. Next time she says something like that just laugh or mock it.
Sorry if this is a bit of rambling. This kinda hits home to what I put up with for so long. Going out of my way for someone, getting up from bed to give a ride, being there for them to talk to, being the guy that actually ISN'T interested in sex, and then still being treated like shit... You're either too nice or a giant pussy but its usually a combination of both.
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So are you two dating? I'm really confused.
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well yeah going to a shrink with 14 years of age is bs, thats true :D i'm assuming a more or less stable age, like 17 at least i think. Probably even two or three years older.
But yeah, i had the impression that that's not given here in this case, too. I forgot to write that down before.
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She sounds like seriously high maintenance =/
Hot girl + pissy and impossible to please = not worth it, rather play starcraft
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almost 30 , not dating. battery dead again, be back later
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and dont even think about this "not worth it" shit. switch ur mindset to "this is a challenge and what can i learn from it to better myself (and maybe her) and my understanding of people and life"
i was in love with her and now im just cool
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assuming you did not mistype that 30: shrink. definitely old enough. x)
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On October 28 2010 00:20 NickC wrote:and dont even think about this "not worth it" shit. switch ur mindset to "this is a challenge and what can i learn from it to better myself (and maybe her) and my understanding of people and life" i was in love with her and now im just cool
ur obv still in love with her.
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On October 28 2010 00:20 NickC wrote:i was in love with her and now im just cool I've told myself the same thing for quite a couple girls...
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Girls like that need to be put in their place. My sister is like that. And I want to smack her so goddamn hard sometimes.
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One thing I've learned about forcing the techniques consciously (rather than letting stuff happen naturally) is that if it's not natural, you look like a complete weirdo, so don't do stuff like that hip arm thing.
Girls can accept shy, but they won't accept a shy toolfuck who tries to acts confident just to get the approval. (hint: you can't fake confident, so you'll come off as a clown/weirdo/redneck whatever you english-talking people call it)
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ya well the trick to the tricks is to make them become natural parts of yourself
who CARES if im still in love with her. thats MY problem not hers. i cant let it affect me or affect her. what do you want me to do about it? stop posting awesome threads??
i want someone to tell me a story about their stuck-up bitchy girl who they tried to hit on or fell in love with and they totally failed with and either moved on or still look back on and think "damn i could have done better"
tell us some stories guys!
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She sounds like a bit of a bunny boiler... o.o;
From what you've written... i'd say gtfo, but since i don't know either of you in person, i can't really recommend anything.
And reading a book on how to be manly? wat? o.O
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