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This is a reply in part to a post in my previous girl thread at
http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=162113¤tpage=7
I want ALL my friends to be females!! BOO YEAH!!
Seriously, if my friends were guys and I invited my girl friend around, she'd instantly be the centre of attention. I want MYSELF to come across as having "high status", not her 
My friend is breathtakingly beautiful and very confident in herself but still has a LOT of issues. She finds it impossible to make friends with men because they're only after one thing and obviously act in a certain way around her (either wussy or otherwise).
And she doesn't really get along with other girls for some reason, idk why really, she always has an issue with one person or another. I think thats a good way to describe her problem really : she ALWAYS sees, homes in, focuses on a problem.
Eg I can take her out for the day, and if I mess up for 5 minutes in the 3 hours then she'll focus on that one thing and remember it and make a deal out of it. If she meets a new person then she'll find out what she doesn't like about him/her and just make it the basis of her entire opinion of him/her.
I told her, say Thursday, "I've made a plan for Saturday". She texts me saying "I'm ready to go shopping now" on Saturday afternoon. We meet up, and I didn't explicitly tell her, but I had a schedual planned: photo exhibition, then eco-fair and a talk on wind turbines, THEN shopping, then comedy club. But when we met, she got completely upset and pissy because she expected to go shopping for 5 hours because I hadn't told her and made her consciously aware that I had other things planned.
We talked about it afterwards and she said I shouldn't have kept it as a "surprise" and should have let her know I had things planned.
CAN YOU SEE HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO PLEASE THIS GIRL??? LOL
But, seriously, she has a point. If you were expecting to go shopping and had stuff you wanted to buy, and suddenly your friend says we've only got 2 hours to shop because we're doing other shit, you might be perturbed.
Back to the issue with my friend and meeting people, or going out, or doing activities to have fun.
It sounds like I'm describing a sociopath but she totally recognises her faults and wants to deal with them. I'm just unable to figure them out, because I don't tend to judge other people and am trying to deal with issues PERSONALLY rather than "help" or analyse OTHER people at the moment. Right now I just try to change or alleviate the mood by doing something funny to deal with any sulking or foul moods.
You know, after listening to David D'angelo (self-help tapes) for X hours, it doesn't just make me excited and interested and more aware of the way men behave. Having a close female friend, it also makes me interested and more aware of HER issues and how her life is so fucking different to all of ours.
In conclusion, does anyone know of awesome lessons for females? Eg "The Alpha Girl: How to get along with people and enjoy your life."
Now I've been trying out a few DD things, and my friend has been noticing consciously and sub-consciously. One of the things she said to me the other day was "You've been standing with your hands on your hips and its extremely intimidating!". I was like, lol I've been trying to come across as more confident and more masculine. But .... she told me it was peculiar and intimidating! Obviously I'm not agreeing with her 100%, but its so fucking fantastic to have this second opinion and to be able to BALANCE myself with its assistance.
If you have any questions or comments to what I've written above then please share. I know I'm not asking anything specific but maybe you've met someone or been in similar circumstance to me and have someting to share.
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you could always just recommend visiting a psychiatrist to her. These guys can actually help on such plain problems and do not deal with weird crazy mentally ill people only.
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Ya she's been going on about seeing a therapist for forever. I brought it up the other day and she was like "BLAH BLAH SOME BULLSHIT IDK" avoidance shit. I'm not entirely awesome so I didn't get to the root of what she was on about. When you have a super hot chick telling you something, and you're tired or not 100% on the ball, then you tend to go along with it. You don't wanna get confrontational. This is obviously something I am working on improving, but shit doesn't just come to you instantly
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It's not easy being really really ridiculously good looking  Poor girl
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wtf, you are listening to David D'angelo but yet you go here for advice? Get his fucking programs, become a man and you'll have more girls than you ever could dream of. Like me, haha.
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well usually you should try to find out the reason for things. you can go all day on recommending things to her that she could try to do different, but in order to really change something, the way she thinks must change. That trying to do something *can* solve the issue if she actually does it for a couple of days and whilst doing it notices something that makes her realize the way she thought about it before and what was wrong about that, so she thinks different about it from then on and thus continues to behave differently or something like that.
But this is just one way to change the way someone thinks about something. You can also approach this more directly and by asking the right questions get to how that person thinks, or actually get the person itself to realize how they think, so they notice what's wrong. This is obviously more effective as you don't have to hope on the noticing through trying thing, but at the same time its far more difficult to find the "right" questions. And thats what "shrinks" are good at.
Maybe try to find why she came up with the "bullshit" defense. its probably something like "everybody who knows will think i'm completely crazy if i go there". This is actually true for a lot of people, but these people usually either didn't think about what it really means to visit a psychiatrist, so if you confront them with it they'll get into an okay mindset after a while, or they are idiots you don't want to hang out with anyways i guess.
So, maybe, next time you try to help her, try to change her mind about something by finding out reasons for why she does or thinks stuff the way she does, and don't try to change the symptoms of that thinking. I think that's a more successful approach. And if you notice that you're good at finding those right questions, become a shrink :p
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I truly have no idea how old you are, but throughout this post I will be assuming you're in the age range of 13 to 18.
Obviously, sooner or later, life is going to be hitting her really hard. In other words, she's bound to change. When the time comes in which she's going to have to find a job and is going to be required to be a group worker, or realize that there's other people besides her in this world (assuming she won't be flipping burgers or attending drunks in local bars), she'll be getting herself blown out of the water the first day.
I read someone suggesting she get psychological help, however, don't you believe that someone that writes two lengthy blogs on such a trivial, if not everyday-life issue requires said help much more than this girl does? Can't you just chill out and let her be? Why the crave to get into her mind? I think you're in love with her.
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I'm really wondering how old you are...
I had a friend just like this. She is a bitch. There is no sweet talking around it. I waited far farrrr too long to cut ties with my friend while hoping that the good person in her might come out. She just continues to use people.
I'm not saying stop talking to her but don't let her put you down. When she tries to ruin your plans after you've already told her that you had them that is a prime example. For fucks sake she didn't even want to do something with you, she just wanted you to do something with her so that she wouldn't be alone. Don't be a pussy and let her make you think that you are somehow in the wrong when you definitely aren't. This is a classic thing that bitches do because they are incredibly self conscious. Also, it might not be the case with the whole comment about you having your hands on your hips but from the sounds of it she will be saying little things like this to try to knock you down a peg. Don't let her. Next time she says something like that just laugh or mock it.
Sorry if this is a bit of rambling. This kinda hits home to what I put up with for so long. Going out of my way for someone, getting up from bed to give a ride, being there for them to talk to, being the guy that actually ISN'T interested in sex, and then still being treated like shit... You're either too nice or a giant pussy but its usually a combination of both.
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So are you two dating? I'm really confused.
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well yeah going to a shrink with 14 years of age is bs, thats true :D i'm assuming a more or less stable age, like 17 at least i think. Probably even two or three years older.
But yeah, i had the impression that that's not given here in this case, too. I forgot to write that down before.
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She sounds like seriously high maintenance =/
Hot girl + pissy and impossible to please = not worth it, rather play starcraft
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almost 30 , not dating. battery dead again, be back later 
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and dont even think about this "not worth it" shit. switch ur mindset to "this is a challenge and what can i learn from it to better myself (and maybe her) and my understanding of people and life"
i was in love with her and now im just cool
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assuming you did not mistype that 30: shrink. definitely old enough. x)
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On October 28 2010 00:20 NickC wrote:and dont even think about this "not worth it" shit. switch ur mindset to "this is a challenge and what can i learn from it to better myself (and maybe her) and my understanding of people and life" i was in love with her and now im just cool
ur obv still in love with her.
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On October 28 2010 00:20 NickC wrote:i was in love with her and now im just cool
I've told myself the same thing for quite a couple girls...
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Girls like that need to be put in their place. My sister is like that. And I want to smack her so goddamn hard sometimes.
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One thing I've learned about forcing the techniques consciously (rather than letting stuff happen naturally) is that if it's not natural, you look like a complete weirdo, so don't do stuff like that hip arm thing.
Girls can accept shy, but they won't accept a shy toolfuck who tries to acts confident just to get the approval. (hint: you can't fake confident, so you'll come off as a clown/weirdo/redneck whatever you english-talking people call it)
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ya well the trick to the tricks is to make them become natural parts of yourself
who CARES if im still in love with her. thats MY problem not hers. i cant let it affect me or affect her. what do you want me to do about it? stop posting awesome threads??
i want someone to tell me a story about their stuck-up bitchy girl who they tried to hit on or fell in love with and they totally failed with and either moved on or still look back on and think "damn i could have done better"
tell us some stories guys!
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She sounds like a bit of a bunny boiler... o.o;
From what you've written... i'd say gtfo, but since i don't know either of you in person, i can't really recommend anything.
And reading a book on how to be manly? wat? o.O
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On October 28 2010 01:44 Haemonculus wrote:
And reading a book on how to be manly? wat? o.O
You have NO idea how big it is nowadays. And it's not just books.. you can find like hundreds of DVDs of different 'gurus' on the subject of dating/making yourself more desirable to women.
I guess it became mainstream due to this:
![[image loading]](http://collegelifestyles.org/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/the-game1.jpg)
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you're a girl right? not the guy with a similar name who tried to teach me protoss a few years ago?
go into a little more depth when you have time. maybe you don't know anyone like this. so i've got another thing to present to you. she absolutely fucking ADORES people in uniform; firemen, policemen, army men.... now i kinda know why. its the authority, leadership, putting yourself in danger and being focused and having a job that commands a manly attitude.
do you have the same kinda feelings of attraction when you consider a fireman or army man? my friend said its all about their "attitude". i was like, "well thats just social conditioning, you like all firemen because on TV they're portrayed in a certain way". but apparently all firemen are awesome - they have to be! so what's your take on this?
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On October 28 2010 01:47 niteReloaded wrote:Show nested quote +On October 28 2010 01:44 Haemonculus wrote:
And reading a book on how to be manly? wat? o.O You have NO idea how big it is nowadays. And it's not just books.. you can find like hundreds of DVDs of different 'gurus' on the subject of dating/making yourself more desirable to women.
because most men are shit at it. every wondered why women like "older men"? coz it takes a fucking while until men "get it" and start acting mature and cool whilst having a good balance. girls can learn to put on make-up and show sexual value in a few hours....for men it can take years to develop
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On October 28 2010 01:47 niteReloaded wrote:Show nested quote +On October 28 2010 01:44 Haemonculus wrote:
And reading a book on how to be manly? wat? o.O You have NO idea how big it is nowadays. And it's not just books.. you can find like hundreds of DVDs of different 'gurus' on the subject of dating/making yourself more desirable to women. I guess it became mainstream due to this:
Hmmm... actually I did date a guy who had a copy of that book... hell I even skimmed a bit of it. He had all these other books on like reading body language and unspoken physical cues and other stuff on understanding people. I thought it was one of those joke books like the "Bro code" or whatnot, lol
So you guys have lots of books like this? Eeesh the closest thing we get is Cosmo and the like which basically says to fuck a guy quickly or he'll leave you. Oh but also make sure he buys you stuff first, rofl. Such garbage magazines t.t;
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haha sounds like great advice u know, ive had these audio self-help tapes for maybe a year but never listened to them because i thought they were silly and bullshit. when i started listened i IMMEDIATELY realised they are one of the most interesting and REAL things ever. if you can torrent, get some of david d'angelos shit like "sexual commication". as a woman, itll help you realise WHAT AND WHY you like shit in a man
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On October 28 2010 01:58 NickC wrote:haha sounds like great advice u know, ive had these audio self-help tapes for maybe a year but never listened to them because i thought they were silly and bullshit. when i started listened i IMMEDIATELY realised they are one of the most interesting and REAL things ever. if you can torrent, get some of david d'angelos shit like "sexual commication". as a woman, itll help you realise WHAT AND WHY you like shit in a man
Hmmm. I mean, I'm plenty aware of what I am attracted to, but it would certainly be an interesting read.
In no way can I claim to speak for all women or know what everyone else wants. Sure there are some "standards" that society has set up, but dunno.
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In the long run bitchy girls aren't worth it. Well, they might be worth it to someone, but only if you want to be tread on the entire time you're in the relationship. AKA whipped. But if you want to dive on that grenade for the rest of us, please do. Is there a chance they'll stop being bitchy? yeah, maybe. But probably not. Not without therapy anyway. You don't change a core part of your personality on a whim.
As a general rule with women:
- Being too nice or helpful comes off as desperation. This is often how guys get landed into the "friend zone".
- If you are in the friend zone and want to move out of it, it's best to actually say something. Don't just try to make a move while watching a rom-com. And if she doesn't reciprocate she at least knows that you want to be more than friends. There are zillions of girls that have a guy longing for them that just thought he was a good buddy. That bullshit about sustaining a friendship is bullshit, who better to date/marry than someone you're already good friends with? If you never take the chance you might miss out on something awesome.
- The key to finding a girl you like is meeting more girls, not listening to self help books. About all those seem to do is teach you how to approach a girl in a bar or 'cold' situation. And some of them have really bad advice.
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On October 28 2010 01:51 NickC wrote:Show nested quote +On October 28 2010 01:47 niteReloaded wrote:On October 28 2010 01:44 Haemonculus wrote:
And reading a book on how to be manly? wat? o.O You have NO idea how big it is nowadays. And it's not just books.. you can find like hundreds of DVDs of different 'gurus' on the subject of dating/making yourself more desirable to women. because most men are shit at it. every wondered why women like "older men"? coz it takes a fucking while until men "get it" and start acting mature and cool whilst having a good balance. girls can learn to put on make-up and show sexual value in a few hours....for men it can take years to develop
you don't need to explain, I probably consumed more of that stuff than you did. And then I moved on after a period of liking it very much.
On October 28 2010 01:55 Haemonculus wrote:Show nested quote +On October 28 2010 01:47 niteReloaded wrote:On October 28 2010 01:44 Haemonculus wrote:
And reading a book on how to be manly? wat? o.O You have NO idea how big it is nowadays. And it's not just books.. you can find like hundreds of DVDs of different 'gurus' on the subject of dating/making yourself more desirable to women. I guess it became mainstream due to this: Hmmm... actually I did date a guy who had a copy of that book... hell I even skimmed a bit of it. He had all these other books on like reading body language and unspoken physical cues and other stuff on understanding people. I thought it was one of those joke books like the "Bro code" or whatnot, lol So you guys have lots of books like this? Eeesh the closest thing we get is Cosmo and the like which basically says to fuck a guy quickly or he'll leave you. Oh but also make sure he buys you stuff first, rofl. Such garbage magazines t.t;
The book I mentioned, the Game, is not actually one of 'those' books, it's a 'real' book where the author speaks of his journey from being a normal reporter to meeting these so called pickup artists and discovering a whole new world and game they constructed.
The thing with this recent men's movements is actually fullfilling the purpose of what girls and women have been doing for millenia. Girls discuss all sorts of stuff with their friends, read all sorts of magazines, kinda have each other's back if they're friends.
Men are not like that and that's why in the recent decades where women have stepped up (which coincided with a bunch of kids growing up without their fathers as well as modern societies lacking men's initiation rituals etc.) there's a huge number of men (perhaps a majority) who just don't know how to act around women, don't know how to 'be men'.
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Unless you are hooking up with this girl, this is probably the opposite of what your manly, self-help, confidence-booster book has been trying to teach you.
Frequently shopping with a girl you are not seeing is not manly.
Your friend noticing you put your hands on your hips more often is not manly.
On October 27 2010 22:54 NickC wrote:
"You've been standing with your hands on your hips and its extremely intimidating!". I was like, lol I've been trying to come across as more confident and more masculine. But .... she told me it was peculiar and intimidating!
Blogging about petty girl problems when you are 30 is not manly.
This message was brought to you by Al Bundy.
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She is using you and when she throws a fit about something you do I bet that 90% of the time it is to keep you as her lap dog. It sucks to be in love with a person that treats you like shit but sometimes you just need to move on.
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I would be upset and pissy if I was about to have my shopping trip cut short by a talk on f'in wind turbines. She better be a member of greenpeace or something, that is not date-worthy.
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DUDE WIND TURBINES ARE FUCKIN AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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It sounds to me like NickC has is really strongly attracted to this girl, but simultaneously disapproves of a lot of this girl's personality and way of being. The post seems to alternate between talking about studying pick up artists and learning the tricks, how unreasonable/demanding/unforgiving this girl is, and yet how attractive she is also. At the same time, it sounds like a focus is on how to HELP this girl out, because she is apparently self centered, and highly critical of other people.
Do you see what I'm saying? NickC, you're all over the place.
My question is this: if she is so unreasonable, demanding, and unforgiving, why would you want to be trying to date her or be attractive to her? Is this the kind of person you want to be romantically involved with? If so, why? There are plenty of attractive women that aren't so demanding and unforgiving.
As to your date idea: why do you subscribe to this model of dating that says a man must take responsibility for planning a date? I think it is very understandable that she was upset about that. If you guys are spending time together, enjoying each other's company (hopefully), shouldn't you both be deciding what to do together? I certainly wouldn't want to be involved with anyone who says "ok, now we are doing this, this, and this." I'm much more into: "well, such and such sounds cool... what do you think?"
Do you enjoy shopping? I hate it, and I would never suggest such an activity for a date. Also, my best relationships have been with women that also didn't much care for such activities. So maybe you enjoy shopping... fine. My point is, though, that you ought to consider searching for partners that have similar interests and values to your own. Don't try to woo or impress women who are very different than you just because you are physically attacted to them.
And that is one of my biggest critiques of pickup artist learning materials. I can recall very little in such materials about choosing women that are compatible with you. This is because the goal of pickup artists is to screw a lot of women. That's fine if that's what you want, and so long as you do not mislead or manipulate women in pursuing this goal. But a lot of men want more than just a pretty body to screw with. Look, sex doesn't last forever. Do you like the person you are having sex with? Do you enjoy all those other hours of time you spend with them when you aren't having sex?
Look, to boil it down, romance is simple. You find people you like and who really like you. Then just be clear about your interests and your intentions. It is important that your personalities be harmonious with each other. It is important to have similar interests and values. IT is important to be able to laugh at similar things, to be able to have fun together, and to be able to really talk with each other with understanding.
On the other hand, if you just want sex, maybe just be clear about that and go for it (I don't think it's necessary to try a bunch of tricks to get laid... women are animals just like men are, and there are plenty of them who are happy to just have sex).
It sounds like a useful book to read here might be "Generation Me." It is about how ridiculously self centered many people are today, and this sense of entitlement that follows from that self centeredness.
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On October 28 2010 02:42 Scorcher2k wrote:
She is using you and when she throws a fit about something you do I bet that 90% of the time it is to keep you as her lap dog. It sucks to be in love with a person that treats you like shit but sometimes you just need to move on...
...or deal with it
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ya, thanks for your input inky, but i really tried to come across as if im not getting bogged down by this shit and just that its some issues i want to be able to deal with and have some opinions on. you're right in that im trying to be more self centred and make decisions based on MY feelings. i did make it clear to her that next time we go shopping it will be for ME and she understood that and was more than happy to agree really this shouldnt be about ME but about trying to understand and fix HER personal issues and traits.
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and you're absolutely right about romance and dating - go out, find someone who likes you
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Ok, so the focus is more about her, and "fixing" her.
I'm not sure why it is your responsibility to "fix" her. Would she be ok with you saying "I want to fix my friend?" Is this for you, or for her?
Let's assume she wants to be "fixed." If that is the case, I think the best you can do is have deep heart to heart conversations with her, explaining why X behavior of hers is undesirable, and how she might change it. Key to that would be trying to foster empathy within her. Help her see how her behaviors and attitudes make others feel, and what effects result. If she experiences no empathy, then I'd say your project is doomed right there. On the other hand, if she "gets it," it still could take a really long time to see any noticeable change. So it will come down to more deep communication and patience.
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On October 28 2010 01:55 Haemonculus wrote:Show nested quote +On October 28 2010 01:47 niteReloaded wrote:On October 28 2010 01:44 Haemonculus wrote:
And reading a book on how to be manly? wat? o.O You have NO idea how big it is nowadays. And it's not just books.. you can find like hundreds of DVDs of different 'gurus' on the subject of dating/making yourself more desirable to women. I guess it became mainstream due to this: Hmmm... actually I did date a guy who had a copy of that book... hell I even skimmed a bit of it. He had all these other books on like reading body language and unspoken physical cues and other stuff on understanding people. I thought it was one of those joke books like the "Bro code" or whatnot, lol So you guys have lots of books like this? Eeesh the closest thing we get is Cosmo and the like which basically says to fuck a guy quickly or he'll leave you. Oh but also make sure he buys you stuff first, rofl. Such garbage magazines t.t;
The thing is, girls got girls to talk about it and they kinda get it together.
Guys don't talk much about it and a lot of them are naturaly very very lost when it comes to dating.
These books are fairly recent stuff, but at least half of them are garbage. On top of that, a small portion of the male population knows about it, only like a third of it believes in it, then only a portion of that makes the decision to work on it and only some of those understand it and make it work. Soooo.... it is quite rare to find a guy into this stuff (TL is the kind of place where you will find some : they are educated (read books), and also nerds that surf through the internet and fumble on this, had issues and therefore make the decision to work on it). Not even mentioning the fact that 90% of the material is in english so it's even less known in other countries.
On topic : I can't understand what you really want with this girl, at one time you seem to want to sleep with her and at another just be friend with her. In both cases, you should never try to please her if it displeases you: 2Hours of shopping is enough you are not her gay friend that enjoys spending 6Hours shopping. If she gets really pissy, tell her you do not like it and it won't work that way. Third, you must aknowledge the possibility that she might just make your life worse and not better, which case you should not pursue this relationship : wanting a challenge is cool, be really intense about a specific outcome is bad.
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LOL This girl sounds a lot like me (except I'm not exceptionally good looking) decent looking at best I'd assume but on her attitude:
How smart is this girl? Does she have a reason backing up her arrogance?
She definitely is arrogant and she expects perfection out of everyone else and lives out of compliments; she won't fish for them, she already gets enough as it is and she's used to it.
Considering seeing a psychiatrist from her part is bullshit, why would she? She loves herself, everyone is inferior to her and they have to put a lot of effort and come close to her ideal of perfection just to be able to get any of her attention.
If she hangs out regularly it's because she enjoys your company and see's that you're worth more than the pool of average retards (most people to her for that matter)
I'm assuming you don't expect a relationship with this girl (If you do I'm sorry for you). If she wanted a relationship with you she would have been explicit about it and made it happen (confident + good looking) really, she goes for what she wants. If you propose it to her she'll be willing to try it but she's already too hung up on your shortcomings as a possible partner to be expecting anything out of it and it'll most likely crash (unless you're indeed super fucking awesome and you have something that she couldn't let go of)
Keep her as a friend, she'll be useful.
If you want most of your friends to be girls as you said just act comfortable around them? IDK what's so hard about it, most of my friends are girls, I hardly get along with guys. Just don't expect to treat them as guys and that they'll all be cool with that. It's all about figuring out what each person likes and just present yourself as their definition of a great guy who's understanding and not misogynistic.
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A real ladies' man doesn't need a fucking book or DVD to tell him how to be a ladies' man. Girls like me a lot (Idk if girls think I'm good looking, but whatever), because I try to be a gentleman. And I didn't need any books or DVDs to tell me how to do that.
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On October 28 2010 07:19 Ferrose wrote:
A real ladies' man doesn't need a fucking book or DVD to tell him how to be a ladies' man. Girls like me a lot (Idk if girls think I'm good looking, but whatever), because I try to be a gentleman. And I didn't need any books or DVDs to tell me how to do that.
Good brag bro, we are all happy for you but if someone has issues in this area I'm not sure telling him "You don't need book, be a gentleman" will help him at all. For some it comes naturally, good for you, others need a guide.
There is no shame in not knowing everything, I think you do not either. Seeking to be more skillful in this area is the same as many others in our lives.
Now sure, man to man advices are better but when you are lost and alone in this matter, a help boost is welcomed.
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EPT![[image loading]](http://sportige.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/Al-Bundy.jpg)
