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niteReloaded
Croatia5282 Posts
On October 28 2010 01:44 Haemonculus wrote: And reading a book on how to be manly? wat? o.O You have NO idea how big it is nowadays. And it's not just books.. you can find like hundreds of DVDs of different 'gurus' on the subject of dating/making yourself more desirable to women. I guess it became mainstream due to this: ![[image loading]](http://collegelifestyles.org/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/the-game1.jpg) | ||
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NickC
233 Posts
 go into a little more depth when you have time. maybe you don't know anyone like this. so i've got another thing to present to you. she absolutely fucking ADORES people in uniform; firemen, policemen, army men.... now i kinda know why. its the authority, leadership, putting yourself in danger and being focused and having a job that commands a manly attitude. do you have the same kinda feelings of attraction when you consider a fireman or army man? my friend said its all about their "attitude". i was like, "well thats just social conditioning, you like all firemen because on TV they're portrayed in a certain way". but apparently all firemen are awesome - they have to be! so what's your take on this? | ||
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NickC
233 Posts
On October 28 2010 01:47 niteReloaded wrote: You have NO idea how big it is nowadays. And it's not just books.. you can find like hundreds of DVDs of different 'gurus' on the subject of dating/making yourself more desirable to women. because most men are shit at it. every wondered why women like "older men"? coz it takes a fucking while until men "get it" and start acting mature and cool whilst having a good balance. girls can learn to put on make-up and show sexual value in a few hours....for men it can take years to develop | ||
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Haemonculus
United States6980 Posts
On October 28 2010 01:47 niteReloaded wrote: You have NO idea how big it is nowadays. And it's not just books.. you can find like hundreds of DVDs of different 'gurus' on the subject of dating/making yourself more desirable to women. I guess it became mainstream due to this: Hmmm... actually I did date a guy who had a copy of that book... hell I even skimmed a bit of it. He had all these other books on like reading body language and unspoken physical cues and other stuff on understanding people. I thought it was one of those joke books like the "Bro code" or whatnot, lol So you guys have lots of books like this? Eeesh the closest thing we get is Cosmo and the like which basically says to fuck a guy quickly or he'll leave you. Oh but also make sure he buys you stuff first, rofl. Such garbage magazines t.t; | ||
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NickC
233 Posts
 u know, ive had these audio self-help tapes for maybe a year but never listened to them because i thought they were silly and bullshit. when i started listened i IMMEDIATELY realised they are one of the most interesting and REAL things ever. if you can torrent, get some of david d'angelos shit like "sexual commication". as a woman, itll help you realise WHAT AND WHY you like shit in a man | ||
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Haemonculus
United States6980 Posts
On October 28 2010 01:58 NickC wrote: haha sounds like great advice u know, ive had these audio self-help tapes for maybe a year but never listened to them because i thought they were silly and bullshit. when i started listened i IMMEDIATELY realised they are one of the most interesting and REAL things ever. if you can torrent, get some of david d'angelos shit like "sexual commication". as a woman, itll help you realise WHAT AND WHY you like shit in a man Hmmm. I mean, I'm plenty aware of what I am attracted to, but it would certainly be an interesting read. In no way can I claim to speak for all women or know what everyone else wants. Sure there are some "standards" that society has set up, but dunno. | ||
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DuneBug
United States668 Posts
As a general rule with women: - Being too nice or helpful comes off as desperation. This is often how guys get landed into the "friend zone". - If you are in the friend zone and want to move out of it, it's best to actually say something. Don't just try to make a move while watching a rom-com. And if she doesn't reciprocate she at least knows that you want to be more than friends. There are zillions of girls that have a guy longing for them that just thought he was a good buddy. That bullshit about sustaining a friendship is bullshit, who better to date/marry than someone you're already good friends with? If you never take the chance you might miss out on something awesome. - The key to finding a girl you like is meeting more girls, not listening to self help books. About all those seem to do is teach you how to approach a girl in a bar or 'cold' situation. And some of them have really bad advice. | ||
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niteReloaded
Croatia5282 Posts
On October 28 2010 01:51 NickC wrote: because most men are shit at it. every wondered why women like "older men"? coz it takes a fucking while until men "get it" and start acting mature and cool whilst having a good balance. girls can learn to put on make-up and show sexual value in a few hours....for men it can take years to develop you don't need to explain, I probably consumed more of that stuff than you did. And then I moved on after a period of liking it very much. On October 28 2010 01:55 Haemonculus wrote: Hmmm... actually I did date a guy who had a copy of that book... hell I even skimmed a bit of it. He had all these other books on like reading body language and unspoken physical cues and other stuff on understanding people. I thought it was one of those joke books like the "Bro code" or whatnot, lol So you guys have lots of books like this? Eeesh the closest thing we get is Cosmo and the like which basically says to fuck a guy quickly or he'll leave you. Oh but also make sure he buys you stuff first, rofl. Such garbage magazines t.t; The book I mentioned, the Game, is not actually one of 'those' books, it's a 'real' book where the author speaks of his journey from being a normal reporter to meeting these so called pickup artists and discovering a whole new world and game they constructed. The thing with this recent men's movements is actually fullfilling the purpose of what girls and women have been doing for millenia. Girls discuss all sorts of stuff with their friends, read all sorts of magazines, kinda have each other's back if they're friends. Men are not like that and that's why in the recent decades where women have stepped up (which coincided with a bunch of kids growing up without their fathers as well as modern societies lacking men's initiation rituals etc.) there's a huge number of men (perhaps a majority) who just don't know how to act around women, don't know how to 'be men'. | ||
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ProTech_MediC
United States498 Posts
Frequently shopping with a girl you are not seeing is not manly. Your friend noticing you put your hands on your hips more often is not manly. On October 27 2010 22:54 NickC wrote: "You've been standing with your hands on your hips and its extremely intimidating!". I was like, lol I've been trying to come across as more confident and more masculine. But .... she told me it was peculiar and intimidating! Blogging about petty girl problems when you are 30 is not manly. This message was brought to you by Al Bundy. ![[image loading]](http://sportige.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/Al-Bundy.jpg) | ||
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Scorcher2k
United States802 Posts
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seppolevne
Canada1681 Posts
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NickC
233 Posts
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nA.Inky
United States794 Posts
Do you see what I'm saying? NickC, you're all over the place. My question is this: if she is so unreasonable, demanding, and unforgiving, why would you want to be trying to date her or be attractive to her? Is this the kind of person you want to be romantically involved with? If so, why? There are plenty of attractive women that aren't so demanding and unforgiving. As to your date idea: why do you subscribe to this model of dating that says a man must take responsibility for planning a date? I think it is very understandable that she was upset about that. If you guys are spending time together, enjoying each other's company (hopefully), shouldn't you both be deciding what to do together? I certainly wouldn't want to be involved with anyone who says "ok, now we are doing this, this, and this." I'm much more into: "well, such and such sounds cool... what do you think?" Do you enjoy shopping? I hate it, and I would never suggest such an activity for a date. Also, my best relationships have been with women that also didn't much care for such activities. So maybe you enjoy shopping... fine. My point is, though, that you ought to consider searching for partners that have similar interests and values to your own. Don't try to woo or impress women who are very different than you just because you are physically attacted to them. And that is one of my biggest critiques of pickup artist learning materials. I can recall very little in such materials about choosing women that are compatible with you. This is because the goal of pickup artists is to screw a lot of women. That's fine if that's what you want, and so long as you do not mislead or manipulate women in pursuing this goal. But a lot of men want more than just a pretty body to screw with. Look, sex doesn't last forever. Do you like the person you are having sex with? Do you enjoy all those other hours of time you spend with them when you aren't having sex? Look, to boil it down, romance is simple. You find people you like and who really like you. Then just be clear about your interests and your intentions. It is important that your personalities be harmonious with each other. It is important to have similar interests and values. IT is important to be able to laugh at similar things, to be able to have fun together, and to be able to really talk with each other with understanding. On the other hand, if you just want sex, maybe just be clear about that and go for it (I don't think it's necessary to try a bunch of tricks to get laid... women are animals just like men are, and there are plenty of them who are happy to just have sex). It sounds like a useful book to read here might be "Generation Me." It is about how ridiculously self centered many people are today, and this sense of entitlement that follows from that self centeredness. | ||
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NickC
233 Posts
On October 28 2010 02:42 Scorcher2k wrote: She is using you and when she throws a fit about something you do I bet that 90% of the time it is to keep you as her lap dog. It sucks to be in love with a person that treats you like shit but sometimes you just need to move on... ...or deal with it | ||
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NickC
233 Posts
really this shouldnt be about ME but about trying to understand and fix HER personal issues and traits. | ||
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NickC
233 Posts
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nA.Inky
United States794 Posts
I'm not sure why it is your responsibility to "fix" her. Would she be ok with you saying "I want to fix my friend?" Is this for you, or for her? Let's assume she wants to be "fixed." If that is the case, I think the best you can do is have deep heart to heart conversations with her, explaining why X behavior of hers is undesirable, and how she might change it. Key to that would be trying to foster empathy within her. Help her see how her behaviors and attitudes make others feel, and what effects result. If she experiences no empathy, then I'd say your project is doomed right there. On the other hand, if she "gets it," it still could take a really long time to see any noticeable change. So it will come down to more deep communication and patience. | ||
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rezoacken
Canada2719 Posts
On October 28 2010 01:55 Haemonculus wrote: Hmmm... actually I did date a guy who had a copy of that book... hell I even skimmed a bit of it. He had all these other books on like reading body language and unspoken physical cues and other stuff on understanding people. I thought it was one of those joke books like the "Bro code" or whatnot, lol So you guys have lots of books like this? Eeesh the closest thing we get is Cosmo and the like which basically says to fuck a guy quickly or he'll leave you. Oh but also make sure he buys you stuff first, rofl. Such garbage magazines t.t; The thing is, girls got girls to talk about it and they kinda get it together. Guys don't talk much about it and a lot of them are naturaly very very lost when it comes to dating. These books are fairly recent stuff, but at least half of them are garbage. On top of that, a small portion of the male population knows about it, only like a third of it believes in it, then only a portion of that makes the decision to work on it and only some of those understand it and make it work. Soooo.... it is quite rare to find a guy into this stuff (TL is the kind of place where you will find some : they are educated (read books), and also nerds that surf through the internet and fumble on this, had issues and therefore make the decision to work on it). Not even mentioning the fact that 90% of the material is in english so it's even less known in other countries. On topic : I can't understand what you really want with this girl, at one time you seem to want to sleep with her and at another just be friend with her. In both cases, you should never try to please her if it displeases you: 2Hours of shopping is enough you are not her gay friend that enjoys spending 6Hours shopping. If she gets really pissy, tell her you do not like it and it won't work that way. Third, you must aknowledge the possibility that she might just make your life worse and not better, which case you should not pursue this relationship : wanting a challenge is cool, be really intense about a specific outcome is bad. | ||
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Cr4zyH0r5e
Peru1308 Posts
How smart is this girl? Does she have a reason backing up her arrogance? She definitely is arrogant and she expects perfection out of everyone else and lives out of compliments; she won't fish for them, she already gets enough as it is and she's used to it. Considering seeing a psychiatrist from her part is bullshit, why would she? She loves herself, everyone is inferior to her and they have to put a lot of effort and come close to her ideal of perfection just to be able to get any of her attention. If she hangs out regularly it's because she enjoys your company and see's that you're worth more than the pool of average retards (most people to her for that matter) I'm assuming you don't expect a relationship with this girl (If you do I'm sorry for you). If she wanted a relationship with you she would have been explicit about it and made it happen (confident + good looking) really, she goes for what she wants. If you propose it to her she'll be willing to try it but she's already too hung up on your shortcomings as a possible partner to be expecting anything out of it and it'll most likely crash (unless you're indeed super fucking awesome and you have something that she couldn't let go of) Keep her as a friend, she'll be useful. If you want most of your friends to be girls as you said just act comfortable around them? IDK what's so hard about it, most of my friends are girls, I hardly get along with guys. Just don't expect to treat them as guys and that they'll all be cool with that. It's all about figuring out what each person likes and just present yourself as their definition of a great guy who's understanding and not misogynistic. | ||
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Ferrose
United States11378 Posts
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