Update, 2 days after the accident
(editing this into the OP)

Thanks for your condolences guys. I don't know a single one of you, but still it's somehow nice to hear.

I'm in surprisingly good mood right now. Enthusiastic almost. It's surreal. It appears the depressing thoughts come in waves. Yesterday afternoon, we had to search up a nice photograph of my mum, for the undertaker. That was hard, so fucking hard. I had no problems at all in the morning (where we had lots of stuff to organize) or in the evening (where I hung out with friends and had a good time almost like nothing had happened, except for hugs instead of handshakes for greetings). Distraction helps me greatly at the moment. Time to think makes me stare around again.

Fun fact: my metabolism has changed. I'm not eating a whole lot (which is common in such situation I guess), but I sure do excrete a lot. I took 4 craps and about 10 pisses yesterday. I wonder how my body does that

I'm gonna use the perfect weather to go sledding now, and party into the new year tonight as has been planned for weeks. Might be insensitive, but anything that helps me is fair game I guess. I'm known for being mentally stable and almost always acting rationally, and that's not gonna change now. I'm not stopping car driving for example or anything like that. The next crushing wave of sadness will be coming, but for the moment I really am fine. My father is more or less ok too I guess, although not as good as me yet. I know we will be alright sometime.

I'm fucking scared of the funeral, which will take place on monday. But after that, I hope we can find back to our new everyday lives and find happiness again.

Here's a little side story. My mother told me just one day before her death that she had bowel cancer. She had gotten the diagnosis 2 weeks ago already, but out of respect waited for the holidays to kick in before she told me. The cancer was discovered quite early, and her chances would have been good. But still, I had these thoughts of her becoming ill and bedridden... you know, I worked in a home for old people for a year for my civil service. I saw people waste away. Dozens. I knew them all and had to nurse them until their deaths. It wasn't much fun for either party involved, as you can imagine. The most important lesson I took from my civil service is that lingering illness is worse than death. I am so glad that my mum didn't have to suffer. When I die, I want it to be quick too.

RaGe

Belgium9942 Posts

December 31 2008 12:56 GMT

#64

wow
first time that i read this

I admire your positive look, and certainly dont think its distasteful to try and have fun again.
take care man

mikeymoo

Canada7170 Posts

December 31 2008 16:58 GMT

#65

You're a very strong person, evidently. Thank you for your positive outlook. It's an inspiration.

airen

Sweden82 Posts

January 02 2009 15:14 GMT

#66

I've been checking back a bit to see how you've been doing, glad to see that you seem to be alright. I would also prefer to go out quick and suddenly, (but didn't dare to write it the first time).
Take care.

XDawn

Canada4040 Posts

January 02 2009 17:28 GMT

#67

Very sorry to hear that.
I hope you can pass through this somehow..
You have my sincere condolences

fanta[Rn]

Japan2465 Posts

January 03 2009 01:36 GMT

#68

My condolences to you, I can't possibly imagine how hard it would be on me to lose someone as close as my mother so I also admire the way you handle it.

Take care and always value your life!

masami.sc

United States445 Posts

January 03 2009 02:45 GMT

#69

My condolences. May your mother rest in peace. Stay strong... It's going to be tough for a while.

Warrior Madness

Canada3791 Posts

January 03 2009 03:55 GMT

#70

What a horrific thing to happen during the holidays. I can't imagine. You're very strong and I hope you stay strong for the sake of your dad as well. But I think you're still in shock. My uncle lost his wife in a car accident as well, but he kept his mind occupied for a long time. He was sad for sure but he wasn't in the throes of grief or anything. It took him two months to actually realize what had transpired, reading some random news article triggered it for him and he fell down to his knees on his kitchen floor and broke down.

Surround yourself around your social support. Lean on them. Tell them exactly how you're feeling. And continue to do what you love doing, and focus on the things in your life you feel like you have control over and do them. I'm sorry. I told my sister about you and you're in our thoughts.

Scorch

Austria3371 Posts

January 03 2009 10:12 GMT

#71

On January 03 2009 12:55 Warrior Madness wrote:
What a horrific thing to happen during the holidays. I can't imagine. You're very strong and I hope you stay strong for the sake of your dad as well. But I think you're still in shock. My uncle lost his wife in a car accident as well, but he kept his mind occupied for a long time. He was sad for sure but he wasn't in the throes of grief or anything. It took him two months to actually realize what had transpired, reading some random news article triggered it for him and he fell down to his knees on his kitchen floor and broke down.

Might well be that this could happen to me. Hopefully not, but I almost expect it. It could be too easy to be true by now. On the other hand, I really have an exceptionally stable personality, so maybe it does work this easily for me?

Rodimus Prime

182 Posts

December 22 2011 14:22 GMT

#72

How have you been? I read this blog ages ago and thought about it tonight.

KeksX

Germany3634 Posts

December 22 2011 14:29 GMT

#73

Oh god why did you have to bump this.

Cereb

Denmark3388 Posts

December 23 2011 22:29 GMT

#74

This was really hard to read! I feel so sorry for you! I'm happy reading your update to see that you are doing somewhat okay! I really admire that!!

Barely know what to say other than I hope you guys find peace of mind and happiness again!

Much <3