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Farewell mum :(

Blogs > Scorch
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Scorch
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
Austria3371 Posts
Last Edited: 2008-12-31 11:47:20
December 29 2008 23:02 GMT
#1
My mother died in a car accident today. Slid on black ice, got on the other lane and a bus caught her from the side.

The bus driver called me on my phone, apparently he had found my number in my mum's purse. It wasn't far from home. I ran to the garage for the moped when I realized I had forgotten the helmet. Ran back and got it. The crappy moped wouldn't start. Had to run on foot. Cars turning around because the street was blocked. Firemen, bus passengers and paramedics everywhere. I only saw my mother briefly: she was lying on a stretcher, topless, medics heart massaging her. An aidman took me into a bystanding ambulance vehicle. I feared the worst already, but I followed him regardless so the paramedics could do their work without me disturbing them. Phoned my father. Dad drives directly to the hospital because the street's closed anyway. An aidman wants to know my mother's date of birth, I am too upset to recall it correctly. Some time later the attending physician comes in. "I'm very sorry. We did what we could, but we couldn't help her any more. The head injuries... sorry." After he leaves, I realize what he just said and cry in pain, alone in the empty rescue van. I call my father. He is completely shocked, he didn't know it was that bad. How hard must it have been for him, getting all the news only on the phone and having to wait in uncertainty?

The rescue van takes me to the hospital where my father waits. I quietly stare at the ground the whole ride through. Can't find my father, an aidman goes searching for him. Dad comes. We hug each other, cry hard. They take us to a separate room where we can be alone.

My father is desperate. I'm his only son and he's so afraid of being alone. Nurse comes in, tells us they're gonna clean and prepare her so we can see her later. My mother was very well known in the hospital, where she's been working as a secretary for 39 years. Various doctors who knew her and stuff come in and offer condolences. My dad calls my aunt/mum's sister and some close friends. A random young newbie preacher comes, doesn't even know what happened but offers his spiritual help. I don't give a damn about religion, but my father does, so the cleric stays. We pray a bit, then go over to the room where my dead mother is laid out. She's pale and cold already, although the accident happened only 2 hours earlier. This disgusts me somewhat when I give her a last kiss on her forehead. I mentally scold myself for feeling this way, but I can't help it.

Back in the other separate room. My aunt arrives, bursting out in tears. A friendly married couple arrives shortly after her. They all go to see the body. I don't want to and stay in the room alone, staring at the ground again. A friendly nurse brings me tea. Turns out she went to school with my cousin and thus knows my aunt. Small world.

Later on, when all are back, an unsympathetic psychologist comes and kinda holds a speech which I'm not interested in. She gives us sleeping pills for tonight. Dad and I don't give much about psycho stuff and avoid drugs when possible, but we take the sleeping pills with us, just in case.

The friendly couple drives us home (They're still sitting in the living room with my father right now). On the way home, we pass the place of the accident. It's all been cleaned up, I briefly wonder where my mother's car is. They have used road salt and put up warning signs. Won't help my mother now - we have a bitter laugh together.

I don't want to sit around with them, so I take a shower and go to my room. I call my best friend on the phone. He is ready for the bad news, as he has already read about a deadly accident of a 57-year-old lady in a red Smart and figured it'd probably be my mother. I ask him to tell my other friends. I sit down to my computer. It's still running from when I rushed off to the accident site. I find it tasteless to act as if nothing had happened, but I don't know what else to do. Another two good friends approach me via ICQ. We talk a bit, condolences, they're there for me etc. I know they mean it. I don't have very many friends, but those I do have I know are real friends. Now I'm writing this blog. It saddens me a bit that this is the thing I choose to do in this situation, but I don't have any better ideas. Maybe I'll laugh about it sometime in the future, or look back and cry.



My mother would have retired next summer. She was looking forward to her retirement, wanted to travel around a lot and maybe take a few fun courses at the university. My dad's retiring soon too, and both have no major health problems, so it would all have worked out wonderfully.
But there was black ice on the road just two curves away from home.


Update, 2 days after the accident

Thanks for your condolences guys. I don't know a single one of you, but still it's somehow nice to hear.

I'm in surprisingly good mood right now. Enthusiastic almost. It's surreal. It appears the depressing thoughts come in waves. Yesterday afternoon, we had to search up a nice photograph of my mum, for the undertaker. That was hard, so fucking hard. I had no problems at all in the morning (where we had lots of stuff to organize) or in the evening (where I hung out with friends and had a good time almost like nothing had happened, except for hugs instead of handshakes for greetings). Distraction helps me greatly at the moment. Time to think makes me stare around again.

Fun fact: my metabolism has changed. I'm not eating a whole lot (which is common in such situation I guess), but I sure do excrete a lot. I took 4 craps and about 10 pisses yesterday. I wonder how my body does that

I'm gonna use the perfect weather to go sledding now, and party into the new year tonight as has been planned for weeks. Might be insensitive, but anything that helps me is fair game I guess. I'm known for being mentally stable and almost always acting rationally, and that's not gonna change now. I'm not stopping car driving for example or anything like that. The next crushing wave of sadness will be coming, but for the moment I really am fine. My father is more or less ok too I guess, although not as good as me yet. I know we will be alright sometime.

I'm fucking scared of the funeral, which will take place on monday. But after that, I hope we can find back to our new everyday lives and find happiness again.



Here's a little side story. My mother told me just one day before her death that she had bowel cancer. She had gotten the diagnosis 2 weeks ago already, but out of respect waited for the holidays to kick in before she told me. The cancer was discovered quite early, and her chances would have been good. But still, I had these thoughts of her becoming ill and bedridden... you know, I worked in a home for old people for a year for my civil service. I saw people waste away. Dozens. I knew them all and had to nurse them until their deaths. It wasn't much fun for either party involved, as you can imagine. The most important lesson I took from my civil service is that lingering illness is worse than death. I am so glad that my mum didn't have to suffer. When I die, I want it to be quick too.

*****
Naib
Profile Blog Joined November 2004
Hungary4843 Posts
December 29 2008 23:04 GMT
#2
Oh...my condolences man - events like this is why I am worried when weather's like this, I'm scared that something could happen to me or those I love.

Have strength.
Complete the cycle!
PanoRaMa
Profile Blog Joined June 2003
United States5069 Posts
December 29 2008 23:11 GMT
#3
I almost didn't want to reply because I just don't know what to exactly say in these situations. Your mom from what I can even gather from this post alone sounded like a very caring woman. My condolences, sincerely. I'm glad you seem to be keeping a good sense of mind, you seem bright and articulate and very loving of your family, which are traits I'm sure your mum was proud of you for having. Continue being a good son for your dad. Sorry, man.
kefkalives
Profile Blog Joined January 2007
Australia1272 Posts
December 29 2008 23:11 GMT
#4
My thoughts are with you.
prOxi.bOn ; \\ What makes most people feel happy/Leads us headlong into harm.
BloodyC0bbler
Profile Blog Joined September 2004
Canada7875 Posts
December 29 2008 23:12 GMT
#5
I am so sorry man, I almost lost a parent this summer and can understand to a minor degree what your feeling. Just remember concentrate on all the good times you had with her, and honour her memory with how you live, just be the person she would be proud of.
#3 Member of the Chill Fanclub / Rhaegar fought nobly. Rhaegar fought valiantly. Rhaegar fought honorably. And Rhaeger died. --Ser Jorah Mormont TL MAFIA FORUM http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/index.php?show_part=31 go go !
renegade_zerg
Profile Blog Joined September 2008
Korea (South)525 Posts
December 29 2008 23:14 GMT
#6
oh man... im sorry to hear about this. my condolences to you and your family. Stay strong.
Cambium
Profile Blog Joined June 2004
United States16368 Posts
December 29 2008 23:14 GMT
#7
Oh my god. This must be so rough. I am so sorry about your loss. I realize that there is probably nothing I can say to make you feel better, but be strong.

You have my sincerest condolences.

May your mother rest in peace.
When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.
poilord
Profile Blog Joined January 2007
Germany3252 Posts
December 29 2008 23:21 GMT
#8
Im so sorry for your loss.
I can not imagine what you must be feeling right now. And like the others said, stay strong!
ShaLLoW[baY]
Profile Blog Joined January 2007
Canada12499 Posts
December 29 2008 23:22 GMT
#9
I'm so sorry for your loss, stay strong man.

RIP.
ALEXISONFIRE ARE FUCKING BACK (sAviOr for life)
Latham
Profile Blog Joined May 2007
9560 Posts
December 29 2008 23:23 GMT
#10
My condolences to you. That must indeed be a very rough experience. I believe in times like these, you should be with your family (your dad especially) and with close friends. I hope you'll find the strength to carry on.
For the curse of life is the curse of want. PC = https://be.pcpartpicker.com/list/4JknvV
Chromyne
Profile Joined January 2008
Canada561 Posts
December 29 2008 23:24 GMT
#11
I also lost my father last month to cancer, so I know that in many ways there's nothing I can say but hold on to what you have and cherish the great memories.
Soli Deo gloria.
ahswtini
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Northern Ireland22208 Posts
December 29 2008 23:31 GMT
#12
Very sorry for your loss. Must have been horrible too for the doctors treating her since they knew her so well
"As I've said, balance isn't about strategies or counters, it's about probability and statistics." - paralleluniverse
naonao
Profile Blog Joined November 2008
United States847 Posts
December 29 2008 23:32 GMT
#13
I'm so sorry for you. Stay strong!
FragKrag
Profile Blog Joined September 2007
United States11550 Posts
December 29 2008 23:35 GMT
#14
My condolences. I can't imagine what you are going through, but stay strong and live life.
*TL CJ Entusman #40* "like scissors does anything to paper except MAKE IT MORE NUMEROUS" -paper
Deleted User 3420
Profile Blog Joined May 2003
24492 Posts
December 29 2008 23:48 GMT
#15
very sorry for your loss. life goes on, all thing change with time
Grobyc
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Canada18410 Posts
December 29 2008 23:48 GMT
#16
sorry for your loss
If you watch Godzilla backwards it's about a benevolent lizard who helps rebuild a city and then moonwalks into the ocean.
o3.power91
Profile Blog Joined November 2007
Bahrain5288 Posts
December 29 2008 23:52 GMT
#17
I'm very sorry for your loss
Stay strong

RIP.
clazziquai
Profile Blog Joined October 2007
6685 Posts
December 29 2008 23:54 GMT
#18
i'm sorry for your loss :/
RIP to your mom.
#1 Sea.Really Fan / #1 Nesh Fan / Terran Forever~
ulszz
Profile Blog Joined June 2007
Jamaica1787 Posts
December 29 2008 23:59 GMT
#19
srry for your loss. hope you and your family get through this alright.
everliving, everfaithful, eversure
gg_hertzz
Profile Blog Joined January 2004
2152 Posts
December 30 2008 00:04 GMT
#20
i'm not the type to say 'i'm sorry for your loss' but for some reason i almost cried reading this. I'm definitely sorry that this happened to you and your family. I don't know what else to say but be strong. Best wishes.
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