EPT
This night of StarCraft was a little more special than usual because I participated in a mini tourney of 8 tonight. Lost right away oh so sad. Then they hosted a 2ND tourney right after the 1st one ended and I lost in the first round of that as well. Got knocked to the Loser's Bracket, got knocked out again.
I feel burnt out tonight just losing so much. I don't know what's wrong with me but my burning conviction no longer lasts. Maybe 2 years ago or so there were more people playing, that's why i felt so good when I was on my winning streaks. However, as the tides of 2012 slowly came to a low tide only the committed who had already been playing for years were on the sands of the beach.
In my experience you have 2 types of players that you can fit in their own demographic when it comes to competitive 1v1. You have players who've been playing since the game came out and are only slightly better than a beginner, and then you have the committed ones who like to make their skill last as long as it can carry their enjoyment of the game.
Achieving the latter somehow would take both conviction and commitment to the game itself and genuine interest. It's hard to achieve that height and I'm not feeling it. In fact, I'm not feeling anything. Whilst browsing reddit i came across THIS amazing comment that perfectly described my thinking:
"ts just that you want to play something, but don't know what exactly. Nothing really does it. You log into WoW, fly around, log out. You start Quake, shoot a few rockets, then close the client because you aren't "feeling it". Dota sounds fun, but you don't know if you are in a mood for a 1 hour match.
Then you realize how sad this sounds and decide to go out, but look at that, everyone is at work/college. You go out, drink a cup of coffee, lurk on reddit, then head home.
You are still not sure what to do with yourself, so you start a stream just for the hell of it. It is bloody boring, but hey, there is nothing else to do."-some reddit user
Suffice to say StarCraft doesn't give me any sensation anymore. It just doesn't "really do it" for me anymore like it used to. Yet.....it's the only game I find any enjoyment out of when I play it. There comes a time when this sensation burns away that you make a decision on where to go to next. To some it's just a game that you play for maybe a week or two and say "yah it's cool" or you cna stay with it for years learning, honing your skill repeatedly. Someday though players leave the game, they're burnt out whether it be from real life matters or losing enjoyment in the game.
A close friend Blazin(J) left some time ago. Has it been 2 months already? Apparently he kept on playing BW because he felt like he had some unfinished duty, like that ghost in that movie where Whoopi Goldberg plays a fortune teller or whatever. He just left one day. Just left. It's not such a big deal though. Just a game. His unfinished business had finally been complete I guess. It's almost as sad as the ending of that ghost movie even though I've never seen it. To me at least.
The only question for me though...is where do I go next. You know? I need new life experiences now and what not. Something....that can rekindle a euphoric sensation and wonderment that BW did introducing me to the RTS genre.
I tell myself I'm gonna leave the game for good, yet, even when I uninstall it I just install it the next day after. The days i do uninstall it I end up spending that time browsing reddit. It's stagnating thinking about it. What next I wonder? Yawn......yawn......just like StarCraft I never manage to find any music that soothes me. Nothing just "fits." It's all...like being in paralysis. Slowly.
