Friends with benefits?

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Qiang1446

United States92 Posts

December 19 2012 11:10 GMT

purged

felisconcolori

United States6168 Posts

December 19 2012 11:53 GMT

... don't. Just don't. That's the sum total of my advice. If someone brings it up, let it be her. Even then, I'm thinking you might want to think very very very carefully about it.

So... what makes you think she is still pretty sad about it? Because you are? You haven't talked to her since then. And why haven't you talked to her since then anyways? Is the only reason you are wanting to talk to her is the sex?

Give it some time, let her reach out if there's any reaching to be done this early.

ThePhan2m

Norway2739 Posts

December 19 2012 12:20 GMT

You will just mess up everything even more if you start with beeing friends with benefits. Building a relationship with a person on sex wont work. If you have any respect, you should appologice and let her go if that what she wants to. Or start over, if there is anything left, without having ANY sex at all.

Qiang1446

United States92 Posts

December 19 2012 12:23 GMT

We broke up once before and she was sobbing over Skype (it was long distance at the time) when I said we should break up, but we got back together the next morning so I don't really consider it a breakup, but this time it was a little more "happy." I'm sure she's not sobbing like last time since she wanted to break up, but I would think she might be a little upset.

As for why we haven't talked, I think it's normal to not talk to your ex at least a couple days after the break up, I don't want to sound desperate or anything-- I'm not dying over the sex, I just think it would be nice to be friends with benefits with her since we both share the same experience and are "comfortable" with each other in bed.

Tbh, I think we were better off as friends, and throughout the relationship I knew it wasn't going to last but just didn't want to break it up (was a little relieved that she did it, but still bummed out.... kinda weird) . I don't know if I ever loved her, but I still feel weird that I might not ever see her again, and want to at least stay friends

pebble444

Italy2495 Posts

December 19 2012 13:01 GMT

So, i understood correctly the first time over skype, you sort of broke up with her, but got together the day after. Now this time, it appears to me She broke up with you, but you really made that clear during the last months that you did not want to be with her (like, in all aspects of a relationship), so she broke up for you both, having sensed how you feel about here? this the case?

Nothing wrong with liking somebody only in one aspect, but after 1 year with a person it starts to get serious and you have to start investing in the relationship to make it work. Its the point where you know what the other person likes, and doesn My advice is to call her up now, and have a chat with her in front of a cup of coffea or something like that. And you should explain in detail, how you feel about her. Honestly. Still with tact, you have to consider that this is a soft and delicate thing. From what you tell that you broke apart peacefully, i imagine you haven t talk about everything. To be honest, you seem like you miss her physical aspect, so i think that is the most important part you considered of your relationship with her. To me it doesn' t seem like she felt/feels the same way. I think she was more interested in you than you thought. And people don' t like to feel used, so i guess she was hoping you would change and it would become more serious, and after seeying it didn' t happen, she left.

So now, if this the case, you still feel like she is available to you, but i don t think she will be. Rebound. Probably she will seek or to stay alone or to try and find someone that can fullfill her emotional needs.

divito

Canada1213 Posts

December 19 2012 13:01 GMT

What was the reason she wanted to break up?

mizU

United States12125 Posts

December 19 2012 13:09 GMT

It couldn't hurt to ask, just be straight up, or shell be confused. Make sure you set clear ramifications if you do start anything.

mordk

Chile8385 Posts

December 19 2012 13:19 GMT

Don't be friends with benefits with someone you have feelings for (and trust me, you do, and she has feelings for you too). It's a bad idea, that has high chances of either getting you back into a relationship you don't want, or turning a nice breakup into a total mess when she feels used by you.

Just don't, it's a lose/lose situation. Find someone else, you're just horny that's all.

Qiang1446

United States92 Posts

December 19 2012 13:21 GMT

It's safe to say she liked me more than I liked her, but part of the reason I started getting really turned off was every time we would hang out it would always be: So what do you want to do/eat? "I don't know, you decide." And if I gave a suggestion it would always be: "if you want." She was so indecisive (I know girls are "naturally" like this, but this was to another level; it drove me nuts. I even told her that I hated that she was so indecisive but she never took it seriously.

She wanted to break up because it wasn't the same as when we first started dating, and that we had way more "arguments" (we never had an actual fight) and that I'm going to Japan to study abroad during the Spring, and she doesn't want to go back to long distance against after dealing with it for half a year.

I think I'm going to just leave a note on her car tomorrow (we work in the same plaza) something along the lines of: "Are you up to chat over a cup of coffee? don't worry nothing super serious!)," and just talk about the breakup because it happened pretty fast, we didn't talk about it in detail. Depending on how this goes, I'll bring up the friends with benefits thing later.

DarkPlasmaBall

United States43464 Posts

December 19 2012 13:30 GMT

#10

I think mordk put it really well. It's really rare for a break up to be relatively clean, so to try and go back and change it to anything else will just really mess her (and probably you) up. I definitely recommend not trying it with her. Try a new girl. It seems you only want a rebound girl/ sex anyway.

But if you absolutely, 100% insist on having a new, superficial fling with the girl you just had an important relationship with, you need to be upfront with her. You need to ask her if she'd be willing to have a friends-with-benefits relationship with you. Don't tease her. Don't make her think you want her back (unless you do...?). Don't lead her on. You need to tell her exactly what you want, and see if she's interested. If she's not interested, then hopefully you find another booty call. If she is, then good luck stopping the feelings from the previous relationship from returning...

eu.exodus

South Africa1186 Posts

December 19 2012 15:00 GMT

#11

dude, the problem is that you could never just be friends with her and you know it. What happens the day that she tells you that she found someone she wants to be serious with? Where does that leave you?

Just walk away.

You could never be friends with benefits with someone you were more than friends with. Ever.

MassArbiterFTW

Australia52 Posts

December 19 2012 15:14 GMT

#12

My advice is to cut all contact and focus on improving yourself, having fun and meeting other girls. The relationship didn't work out, stop wasting time on it. Move forward with your life.

a176

Canada6688 Posts

December 19 2012 16:32 GMT

#13

i won't white knight this.

breakup over skype
leaving a note on her car
in a boring relationship

sounds to me like you were the problem in this relationship.

in detail, you knew you were having a bad relationship. but you kept at it for the sex until even that became boring. but because you are still thinking with your dick are you trying to find ways to weasel yourself back in for more casual sex until you up and leave for japan. i dont know, maybe you are trying to tell yourself you are not a bad person and that maybe, you actually may still have feelings for her and that makes this all the better.

it doesnt. dont use people like this. let her get on with her life.

aviator116

United States820 Posts

December 19 2012 16:55 GMT

#14

No, just no. You're thinking of sex only, and getting into a relationship because of sex is aleays a no.

applepielon

United States78 Posts

December 19 2012 16:58 GMT

#15

Horrible idea, as is talking to this girl any time in the next ~2-3 months.

tehemperorer

United States2183 Posts

December 19 2012 18:14 GMT

#16

Bad idea, those things never work out because they are self-serving in nature. You can't have any sort of relationship if its primarily based in self-satisfaction. Word to the wise, G

ZpuX

Sweden1230 Posts

December 19 2012 20:43 GMT

#17

Well since you did break up on good terms and really don't see the problem in asking if she wants to come over and watch a movie. Just gotta be clear with hear afterwards what it actually meant and that you don't want to get back into a relationship. Worked for me after a breakup and friends had the same experience. To all of you who say you cant base a relationship just on sex, well that's why they did broke up. Now they are just staying in contact for whatever needs they have. It's relatively easy, they know they are attracted to each other physical, they know what they will get and they don't have to play the game in clubs or go the lengths of meeting new people.