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As I walked into Panera Bread this afternoon, I wasn't expecting anything unusual to happen. The place was a bit packed, but I only subconciously acknowledged the noisy conversations of patrons and the busy prattle of the cashiers taking orders. My mind was preoccupied with other things.
I was waiting on line, longer than usual, when my eyes came to be fixed on a jar of honey near the coffee section. It was being held by a girl who looked around my age (early 20s). The honey was being poured into a cup of coffee placed on the the table. Being someone who drinks his coffee with only a little bit of milk and no sugar, I thought about the merits of adding a tad bit of honey to the coffee I was planning to order along with my typical turkey sandwich.
But as I was pondering this, I began to take notice of the fact that the honey was continuing to be poured. Five seconds went by. "Surely she will put it down now" thought I, but NO, the position of her hand remained strongly fixed, and the honey flowed on into the hot cup of joe with what now seemed without any sense of remission.
A few more seconds went by, but the girl had a look of determination written on her face. She was not backing down yet.
A few more seconds, and I quickly glanced left and right. Was I the only person watching this?
At any moment, I expected her hand to turn, the jar to be lifted, the thick flow of honey from the jar's tip to the cup to appear thinner. I waited a few more seconds... But that moment did not come.
A few more seconds. The girl's expression was unchanging, and I seriously began to doubt if she was in her right mind.
Finally, after what I would honestly guess was something like 15 seconds, the jar of honey was lifted and once again placed on the table. I relaxed my eyes and took a breath. I began to look toward the cashiers to see how far the line had moved, but in the corner of my eye, I noticed that the same girl was now holding something quite small. I turned again to look more closely. It was SPLENDA.
Being dissatisfied with what seemed like half the whole jar of honey, she had indeed ripped open not one, but two packets of SPLENDA with a stern intent. I'm not kidding you, this girl meant serious business.
My mouth dropped as I watched her empty both packets of the artificial sugar into what now seemed more like honey than coffee. At last, she took a lid from the table and locked it onto her cup. With a look of satisfaction, she then picked the cup up with two hands and casually walked past my awe-stricken face and through the door as if this was something totally ordinary.
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haha this was great. did not expect this much amount of funny after the first couple paragraphs.
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I mean, I would like to try putting some honey with my coffee, but that was WAY TOO MUCH for me.
I also usually like my coffee with a bit of milk or cream and no sugar.
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I was expecting a girl blog, but I don't drink coffee so nothing to contribute :O
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next time you need to fuck her
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^ can assure you that was the last thing on my mind
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this sounds like me .____. i go to starbucks, get a venti iced coffee, and pour milk and like 10 sugar packets into it. /ashamed
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Unashamed over-sweetening of coffee? Perhaps I should try that, I'm usually not a coffee person (if I need energy I'll have an energy drink), but this copious amount of honey intrigues me...
Very nice read, thanks.
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Originally from Seattle, of course I love my coffee. When I see people do this (much too often) I wonder what the point of spending 5 dollars for a cup of sugar. Hit the nail on the head, one of my big peeves too :D
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United States13896 Posts
I enjoyed this very much. Much, much, much more than I have ever enjoyed a cup of coffee. Bravo.
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There are such fascinating people out there (enjoyed the story btw!)
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That actually doesn't sound terrible except for the splenda part . Then again I don't drink coffee, so I wouldn't know very well would I haha.
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nom nom nom
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As a coffee snob, oh the humanity!
That's assuming it was a good coffee.
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Expected a girl blog, got a gross-out blog. 4/5
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On November 30 2012 04:37 bonifaceviii wrote: Expected a girl blog, got a gross-out blog. 4/5 Parsimony!
It might have been a gross story, but it was a 5/5 gross story for sure. I could almost taste the honey when I was reading it. I worked at a Starbucks in undergrad. The nastiest thing that I served there with any sort of regularity was a venti white mocha with an extra shot of white mocha made breve style, which means that you substitute half and half for milk. I still think that I would rather drink that than half a mug of honey with a hint of Splenda.
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i woke up and was out of coffee today, but i have now restored coffee balance with a trip to the store, a big cup of blackness and this great story.
i like my coffee like grimey.
+ Show Spoiler +
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