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Don't post in this thread to say "gay gamers are like everyone else, why do they have a special thread?" It is something that has been posted numerous times, and this isn't the place for that discussion.
For regular posters, don't quote the trolls. |
On June 01 2011 02:22 rrwrwx wrote:
Hey, guys, I had a question, and I'm not really involved in any other communities other than this one, so I really don't know where else to go.
I have a gay friend, who has super-ultra-mega conservative parents. He is going through a lot; he didn't get into his college of choice, which he had all his hopes on, and lately, he's been saying that he's extremely ashamed of himself and is struggling to be happy.
I'm really worried about him, he's one of the smartest people I know, and it sucks to see him messed up like this.
How can I help him?
edit: Sorry to bring the mood down, but I really want to help him. =/
Well first of all, college admissions are incredibly arbitrary and there are tons of great applicants who are rejected for bad reasons. Not getting accepted into a college means absolutely nothing and certainly isn't something to be ashamed about. He might be sad about it now, but college choice really doesn't mean much for most professions and way too much is made of it.
As far as being gay with conservative parents, that's very tough to deal with, I'm fortunate that my parents were pretty accepting, although it took some time with them. Your role as a friend should just be there to support them, make sure to tell him how much you care about. You might want to ask him if he's thought about counseling, and if he ever sounds suicidal, *definitely* tell somebody about it, don't keep that quiet, no matter what he says (you don't have to reveal he's gay). Basically, just be a friend.
It sounds like he got into a college, and college is WAY better than high school. There will be active LGBT groups that he can join and people are overall less douchey in high school so that will help him.
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On June 01 2011 02:22 rrwrwx wrote:
Hey, guys, I had a question, and I'm not really involved in any other communities other than this one, so I really don't know where else to go.
I have a gay friend, who has super-ultra-mega conservative parents. He is going through a lot; he didn't get into his college of choice, which he had all his hopes on, and lately, he's been saying that he's extremely ashamed of himself and is struggling to be happy.
I'm really worried about him, he's one of the smartest people I know, and it sucks to see him messed up like this.
How can I help him?
edit: Sorry to bring the mood down, but I really want to help him. =/
I would say be supportive of him as a friend, but it sounds like you already are. It sounds like he just needs some hope. If he's not already familiar with it you could send him the link to the It Gets Better Project ( http://www.itgetsbetter.org/ ).
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On June 01 2011 11:10 Bortlett wrote:Show nested quote +On June 01 2011 02:22 rrwrwx wrote:
Hey, guys, I had a question, and I'm not really involved in any other communities other than this one, so I really don't know where else to go.
I have a gay friend, who has super-ultra-mega conservative parents. He is going through a lot; he didn't get into his college of choice, which he had all his hopes on, and lately, he's been saying that he's extremely ashamed of himself and is struggling to be happy.
I'm really worried about him, he's one of the smartest people I know, and it sucks to see him messed up like this.
How can I help him?
edit: Sorry to bring the mood down, but I really want to help him. =/ Well first of all, college admissions are incredibly arbitrary and there are tons of great applicants who are rejected for bad reasons. Not getting accepted into a college means absolutely nothing and certainly isn't something to be ashamed about. He might be sad about it now, but college choice really doesn't mean much for most professions and way too much is made of it. As far as being gay with conservative parents, that's very tough to deal with, I'm fortunate that my parents were pretty accepting, although it took some time with them. Your role as a friend should just be there to support them, make sure to tell him how much you care about. You might want to ask him if he's thought about counseling, and if he ever sounds suicidal, *definitely* tell somebody about it, don't keep that quiet, no matter what he says (you don't have to reveal he's gay). Basically, just be a friend. It sounds like he got into a college, and college is WAY better than high school. There will be active LGBT groups that he can join and people are overall less douchey in high school so that will help him.
He really wanted to go to that college because he could study his dream and get away from his family, the shame is unrelated to that. that is just disappointment in himself, i think =(
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On June 03 2011 07:33 rrwrwx wrote:Show nested quote +On June 01 2011 11:10 Bortlett wrote:On June 01 2011 02:22 rrwrwx wrote:
Hey, guys, I had a question, and I'm not really involved in any other communities other than this one, so I really don't know where else to go.
I have a gay friend, who has super-ultra-mega conservative parents. He is going through a lot; he didn't get into his college of choice, which he had all his hopes on, and lately, he's been saying that he's extremely ashamed of himself and is struggling to be happy.
I'm really worried about him, he's one of the smartest people I know, and it sucks to see him messed up like this.
How can I help him?
edit: Sorry to bring the mood down, but I really want to help him. =/ Well first of all, college admissions are incredibly arbitrary and there are tons of great applicants who are rejected for bad reasons. Not getting accepted into a college means absolutely nothing and certainly isn't something to be ashamed about. He might be sad about it now, but college choice really doesn't mean much for most professions and way too much is made of it. As far as being gay with conservative parents, that's very tough to deal with, I'm fortunate that my parents were pretty accepting, although it took some time with them. Your role as a friend should just be there to support them, make sure to tell him how much you care about. You might want to ask him if he's thought about counseling, and if he ever sounds suicidal, *definitely* tell somebody about it, don't keep that quiet, no matter what he says (you don't have to reveal he's gay). Basically, just be a friend. It sounds like he got into a college, and college is WAY better than high school. There will be active LGBT groups that he can join and people are overall less douchey in high school so that will help him. He really wanted to go to that college because he could study his dream and get away from his family, the shame is unrelated to that. that is just disappointment in himself, i think =(
So he only got in to other schools nearby home, and aren't offering what he wanted to major in? Is he living on campus? Also, transferring is always an option as well (and it might be easier to get in the school he wants that way).
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On June 03 2011 07:39 Bortlett wrote:Show nested quote +On June 03 2011 07:33 rrwrwx wrote:On June 01 2011 11:10 Bortlett wrote:On June 01 2011 02:22 rrwrwx wrote:
Hey, guys, I had a question, and I'm not really involved in any other communities other than this one, so I really don't know where else to go.
I have a gay friend, who has super-ultra-mega conservative parents. He is going through a lot; he didn't get into his college of choice, which he had all his hopes on, and lately, he's been saying that he's extremely ashamed of himself and is struggling to be happy.
I'm really worried about him, he's one of the smartest people I know, and it sucks to see him messed up like this.
How can I help him?
edit: Sorry to bring the mood down, but I really want to help him. =/ Well first of all, college admissions are incredibly arbitrary and there are tons of great applicants who are rejected for bad reasons. Not getting accepted into a college means absolutely nothing and certainly isn't something to be ashamed about. He might be sad about it now, but college choice really doesn't mean much for most professions and way too much is made of it. As far as being gay with conservative parents, that's very tough to deal with, I'm fortunate that my parents were pretty accepting, although it took some time with them. Your role as a friend should just be there to support them, make sure to tell him how much you care about. You might want to ask him if he's thought about counseling, and if he ever sounds suicidal, *definitely* tell somebody about it, don't keep that quiet, no matter what he says (you don't have to reveal he's gay). Basically, just be a friend. It sounds like he got into a college, and college is WAY better than high school. There will be active LGBT groups that he can join and people are overall less douchey in high school so that will help him. He really wanted to go to that college because he could study his dream and get away from his family, the shame is unrelated to that. that is just disappointment in himself, i think =( So he only got in to other schools nearby home, and aren't offering what he wanted to major in? Is he living on campus? Also, transferring is always an option as well (and it might be easier to get in the school he wants that way).
He only got into a school near home, they don't offer what he wanted to major in, and he will be living on campus. However, he just informed me that his projected roommate is, from the information gathered, an ulta-conservative jock. Also, he was trying to get into carnegie for music, but we BARELY rejected. However, I'm not so sure transferring is an option
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On June 03 2011 08:07 rrwrwx wrote:Show nested quote +On June 03 2011 07:39 Bortlett wrote:On June 03 2011 07:33 rrwrwx wrote:On June 01 2011 11:10 Bortlett wrote:On June 01 2011 02:22 rrwrwx wrote:
Hey, guys, I had a question, and I'm not really involved in any other communities other than this one, so I really don't know where else to go.
I have a gay friend, who has super-ultra-mega conservative parents. He is going through a lot; he didn't get into his college of choice, which he had all his hopes on, and lately, he's been saying that he's extremely ashamed of himself and is struggling to be happy.
I'm really worried about him, he's one of the smartest people I know, and it sucks to see him messed up like this.
How can I help him?
edit: Sorry to bring the mood down, but I really want to help him. =/ Well first of all, college admissions are incredibly arbitrary and there are tons of great applicants who are rejected for bad reasons. Not getting accepted into a college means absolutely nothing and certainly isn't something to be ashamed about. He might be sad about it now, but college choice really doesn't mean much for most professions and way too much is made of it. As far as being gay with conservative parents, that's very tough to deal with, I'm fortunate that my parents were pretty accepting, although it took some time with them. Your role as a friend should just be there to support them, make sure to tell him how much you care about. You might want to ask him if he's thought about counseling, and if he ever sounds suicidal, *definitely* tell somebody about it, don't keep that quiet, no matter what he says (you don't have to reveal he's gay). Basically, just be a friend. It sounds like he got into a college, and college is WAY better than high school. There will be active LGBT groups that he can join and people are overall less douchey in high school so that will help him. He really wanted to go to that college because he could study his dream and get away from his family, the shame is unrelated to that. that is just disappointment in himself, i think =( So he only got in to other schools nearby home, and aren't offering what he wanted to major in? Is he living on campus? Also, transferring is always an option as well (and it might be easier to get in the school he wants that way). He only got into a school near home, they don't offer what he wanted to major in, and he will be living on campus. However, he just informed me that his projected roommate is, from the information gathered, an ulta-conservative jock. Also, he was trying to get into carnegie for music, but we BARELY rejected. However, I'm not so sure transferring is an option
May I ask what he wanted to major in? There might be something in a similar area - also, a lot of people change majors in college for different reasons, so he might be able to find something else.
Why wouldn't transferring be an option? His parents don't want him to and are paying the bills? That's the only reason I can think of.
Roommates can be surprising sometimes, you never know until you meet them. Also, how much you interact with your roommate is up to you - there's places to do everything else except sleep. Plus, there is probably an LGBT center or group on campus (unless it's an ultra conservative college), so that's a resource in case he runs into any problems.
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/.gov
Yes, it's legit. Even though I don't really think we need a special month considering the parade is eh.. enough to separate us from other people at least they're acknowledging certain problems I guess!
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I am an American living/working in the Philippines for the past two years. I still have not found a good reason why 50% of the male population is homosexual here. Anyone have some insight?
I don't mind really, it makes finding girls really easy (although being a young white guy helps too). Just weird though- I mean seriously, i'd say half of the guys are gay.
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I would like to say first off i have no problem with homosexuals but im curious if people saying fag bothers you? Not directed at gay people just in anger or what not.
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Personally, I hate the word fag and don't even like it when gay guys say it with each other (or anyone in the LGBTQ community.) And find it even worse when people who aren't a part of the community say it (Kinda like the N word for others). But I may be a bit stingy personally.
I hear it said a lot in jokes, and said a lot from people just being angry, and when your just calling someone a fag (or the more commonly heard "fucking faggot.") to be demeaning? that's completely unacceptable because your saying hey, your so bad you belong to this group of people, as if they were worse than anyone else. Jokes are more okay, but still kinda makes me twitch everytime I hear it. : /
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Weird but all gays in this post dont you turn on by jessica alba? i mean, you would chose a man over her? Not a racist or anything but i seriously dont get how so many guys turned up to gays...
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On June 06 2011 08:51 Demonicsoul wrote:
i mean, you would chose a man over her? Not a racist or anything but i seriously dont get how so many guys turned up to gays...
Pretty sure this is obvious.. considering most people here are gay?
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On June 06 2011 07:05 gogatorsfoster wrote:
I would like to say first off i have no problem with homosexuals but im curious if people saying fag bothers you? Not directed at gay people just in anger or what not.
This has been asked often in the thread. The general consensus is that it varies from person to person and depends on the context.
Generally if you're a friend and you say "thats gay" or "such and such a person is a fag" it won't be taken in a bad way - I think most of us have accepted that "gay" and "fag" has become such a common part of many peoples vocabulary. It certainly does not bother me.
To be honest, most gays have had their fair share of verbal abuse (high school were not fond years for many of us) and will tend to be a bit more thick skinned. It takes more creative abuse than "fag" or "faggot" to upset me.
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There's a pretty big difference between someone calling me a faggot while I march a maxed army into his base and someone calling me a faggot while punching me in the stomach, but that doesn't stop the former from invoking memories of the latter.
I do have thick skin, though. I'm not offended by childish behavior.
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Two of my fraternity brothers were gay; one was open about it and everybody knew, and the other was/still is in the closet, but we as brothers know. Whenever we hangout, we act like typical frat guys- we say "fucking faggot", "suck a dick queer", etc., but it does not bother them at all. They actually laugh about it.
I guess the reason they laugh about it is because they are our brothers, and we are closer than anything else outside of immediate family. I personally am straight, and I have never had ideas or thoughts of men in any way outside of a platonic relationship. However, a LOT of my friends are openly gay, and I am totally fine with that. I don't have a problem being friends with gay people, or hanging out with them. I only get uncomfortable when people go out of their way to signal out that somebody is gay in a room or setting. That just makes the entire situation awkward, and then it only goes downhill from there.
My two cents on this: whatever a man and woman, or man and man, or woman and woman (zing!), do behind closed doors... it's none of my business. In the realm of Starcraft and Progaming, I think sexuality should be excluded, since in the end of the day, we are gamers, and the only thing separating us is the races that we choose. Sexuality has little-to-nothing to do with what derives who we are.
In summation: my theory on racism, sexism, and discrimination; don't be afraid to speak your mind. If you want to say the "n" word, or "fag", or whatever you want; go ahead. The only way to kill discrimination is to make it lose it's weight in words- by using it in our vocabularies in a manner that is not necessarily derogatory, but more of an expression, just like how we say "fuck" all the time.
The best way to end something is to not quarantine it; rather to transform it into something positive. It will always be with us, no matter where we go. Holding back from saying "fag" will only make it that much more powerful 10 years down the line when someone says it out loud. Realizing that Globalization has been occurring at an exponential rate... eventually we will almost all be adaptable to the same global culture, which will ultimately deplete the weight of these words in a macro-societal sense.
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On June 06 2011 09:22 jarrydesque wrote:Show nested quote +On June 06 2011 07:05 gogatorsfoster wrote:
I would like to say first off i have no problem with homosexuals but im curious if people saying fag bothers you? Not directed at gay people just in anger or what not. This has been asked often in the thread. The general consensus is that it varies from person to person and depends on the context. Generally if you're a friend and you say "thats gay" or "such and such a person is a fag" it won't be taken in a bad way - I think most of us have accepted that "gay" and "fag" has become such a common part of many peoples vocabulary. It certainly does not bother me. To be honest, most gays have had their fair share of verbal abuse (high school were not fond years for many of us) and will tend to be a bit more thick skinned. It takes more creative abuse than "fag" or "faggot" to upset me.
I wish I had a thick skin like that. What I hate is the needling in middle school (thank god I'm getting out of there this year, but I might be entering something a whole lot worse), where kids just poke and prod and make snide remarks about how retarded I am, and the morally oriented part of my brain hated it when kids said "that's gay", because I am not gay, and the fact that a word used to describe homosexuals is getting so much bad press an negative sense around it that it can be used as an insult. IMO we need another word to describe homosexuals. A word that doesn't have such negativity.
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I honestly don't see the word gay as a negative word? It can be used in a negative context yes, but so can black etc.. Maybe different here but people starting at like 10 start saying "that's gay", I find myself doing it often too and because I know they're not referring to the sexuality I couldn't care less.
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On June 07 2011 02:04 dunc wrote:
I honestly don't see the word gay as a negative word? It can be used in a negative context yes, but so can black etc.. Maybe different here but people starting at like 10 start saying "that's gay", I find myself doing it often too and because I know they're not referring to the sexuality I couldn't care less.
This is what I meant by "become part of many peoples vocabularies". Dunc managed to word it more eloquently.
On June 07 2011 01:51 Kinetik_Inferno wrote:Show nested quote +On June 06 2011 09:22 jarrydesque wrote:On June 06 2011 07:05 gogatorsfoster wrote:
I would like to say first off i have no problem with homosexuals but im curious if people saying fag bothers you? Not directed at gay people just in anger or what not. This has been asked often in the thread. The general consensus is that it varies from person to person and depends on the context. Generally if you're a friend and you say "thats gay" or "such and such a person is a fag" it won't be taken in a bad way - I think most of us have accepted that "gay" and "fag" has become such a common part of many peoples vocabulary. It certainly does not bother me. To be honest, most gays have had their fair share of verbal abuse (high school were not fond years for many of us) and will tend to be a bit more thick skinned. It takes more creative abuse than "fag" or "faggot" to upset me. I wish I had a thick skin like that. What I hate is the needling in middle school (thank god I'm getting out of there this year, but I might be entering something a whole lot worse), where kids just poke and prod and make snide remarks about how retarded I am, and the morally oriented part of my brain hated it when kids said "that's gay", because I am not gay, and the fact that a word used to describe homosexuals is getting so much bad press an negative sense around it that it can be used as an insult. IMO we need another word to describe homosexuals. A word that doesn't have such negativity.
Don't get me wrong, while I was in high school I had a very bumpy ride. First before I came out of the closet, saying things like "gay" or "faggot" to you does hurt, because you try very hard to deny it to yourself.
Fortunately with the help of good friends and wonderful parents I came out of the closet and finally accepted so when someone calls you gay or faggot, you're like... yes, and...? Though this only got me into more trouble as I had a bit of a big mouth and got into lots of fights.
In your case, someone calling you gay should have no affect on you at all, as you say you are not. It's literally like someone calling you a pig or a dog. It's easy to say from this side of high school, but try not to let it bother you - the "cool" guys on the first team (whatever sport is popular in your country) are nobodies now and will be nobodies later.
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EPT
