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Zealously
East Gorteau22261 Posts
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EJK
United States1302 Posts
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Seeker
Where dat snitch at?36945 Posts
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BarneyNapalm
Denmark370 Posts
Does not matter whether you believe what the priest or not. If you honor the memory and attend, that's important. Stay strong | ||
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Wintex
Norway16836 Posts
This rough patch will end and you control its destiny. Deal with it the way you want to. Zealously fighting! | ||
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Badjas
Netherlands2038 Posts
I have been to a couple of funerals but not of anyone I was close with, one for an uncle and one for an aunt. For me they followed the same pattern in general based on the catholic / christian rites but they each have their own feeling to it. During those days I mainly just felt sad for feeling the general loss with their death and the sorrow of their family. I haven't discussed them or their lives much at all with anyone, but the couple of times I did bring it up it feels very valuable and worthwile to do so as people like to remember them. I haven't felt much need for mourning, so I can't really relate there. But my advise otherwise is to find some opportunities to cherish the memories by yourself or with someone else. I can also imagine that no one wants to strike out during the ceremonies so people look peaceful in a way. But you won´t be alone with the feeling of lack of closure and people will appreciate when they can relate to you. | ||
Destructicon
4713 Posts
In a way its natural for you to feel the way you are, you are still in great pain over your loss and feel almost betrayed that others don't feel the same. Truth is though, everybody is in pain, they just express it differently, perhaps some just wanted to get it over sooner to get back home and cry in the private. Don't put too much thought into it. I wish there was something I could tell you to make the pain go away, I really do, but unfortunately the only thing I can say is that time will eventually heal it, what I can say though is this. Its easy now for you to shut down and isolate yourself, you may be feeling so bad that you don't want to be around others, you may feel you are going to make them sad, or worst, you may feel guilty you are alive and she is not. If she loved you as a friend as much as you loved her then, she wouldn't want you to continue to suffer. The best way to continue to honor her memory is by living every day to the best of your abilities. Don't shut yourself in, go out and try talking to people it will make you feel better and it will ease your suffering and heal you sooner. I hope it all helps and stay strong man. | ||
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Ketch
Netherlands7285 Posts
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Darkhorse
United States23455 Posts
It's always impossible to come up with the right words to say to someone who has experienced a loss, especially if you don't know them. However, it is important for everyone to handle it in their own way. Your way may be to hang on to her memory and your mourning, and who's to say if that's wrong or right. If those others at the funeral have come to terms with her loss, who's to say they're wrong either. The important thing for you is to keep your head up, because (as cliché as it sounds) I'm sure she wouldn't want her loss burdening you too much. Don't forget her, but remember her fondly and let the good memories of her help you move on. One final thing: those others at the funeral may have seemed to accept the funeral as the conclusion to her life and seemed to have moved on. However, I have been to enough funerals to know that it is commonplace for people who have lost someone close to them to put on a brave face in public, especially at the funeral, and to seem okay. However, it is more than likely that these people feel similarly to the way that you do, they just don't show it. You never really know how much someone is grieving. Anyways I'm sorry for rambling but I hope you're okay, and best wishes to you and all those close to Zeyna. | ||
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goody153
44039 Posts
I actually dont know what to say aside from stay strong i have also never been good at funerals it gives me the void that cant be filled for a long time until i finally realize that the person is dead. What your experiencing right now might be the same as mine so just stay strong. | ||
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ke_ivan
Singapore374 Posts
There's probably plenty of good advice out there, and I could probably tell you some shit about how the human brain is designed to forget trauma to maximize our chances of survival. But it's so hard, because how does everyone move on with life, like she never existed? How could they? The thing is, she would never have wanted to see you hurt or resentful. She'd probably want you to be happy, so celebrate her memory. Here's to Zeyna. | ||
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Surili
United Kingdom1141 Posts
You are doing okay. Just know that even some 22 year old kid read this at 5 in the morning, and thought of you wherever you are. I'll think of you a few times today, and i hope you see a glimmer of hope for the future, and not just dispair from the past. I'm really sorry for your loss, and for hers as well. | ||
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Kaeru
Sweden552 Posts
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Grettin
42381 Posts
+ Show Spoiler + ![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/P12QT70.jpg) | ||
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FFW_Rude
France10201 Posts
I'm not going to find the right words. So i can only say i'm sorry for your loss and i hope you will cope with it in the best way possible. + Show Spoiler + I hope i didn't make english mistakes that could be misinterpreted. | ||
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OuchyDathurts
United States4588 Posts
I know someone who didn't even show up to his own little brother's funeral. While it's odd from the outside looking in. I respect his decision if it's what he felt like he needed to do. The ceremony itself is mostly a bunch of religious jumping through hoops IMO anyway. It's not about the funeral itself, the funeral is just a way to show your support to the family. The real closure comes from within, from each person who knew her. Celebrate the memory, keep it with you, think about things and learn any lesson you can from the life she led. Pain and sadness are human, and everyone deals with them differently so don't judge people if they're not dealing with them the way you think they should. Again, I'm sorry for your loss. | ||
Olli
Austria24417 Posts
Plain and simple? Life sucks sometimes. But I'm sure you know that it's also amazing at times. It might suck harder than ever before right now and nothing but time may be able to heal the wounds. Just don't get so lost in it that you miss out on the amazing times when they come around again. For example - I'm really looking forward to meeting you at a tournament sooner or later  My honest condolences. Hang in there! | ||
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enord
France258 Posts
mournings are far better/more worthwhile than formal ceremonies in my humble opinion people who need/want to be in a room, tell stories about the departed, unhindered by traditions or rituals never forget her, just live like you did not know you did before, like we all do .. one day at a time and hug the people you love, trust me, it helps | ||
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Pewpz
Canada21 Posts
On December 18 2013 04:46 Zealously wrote: So Zeyna's funeral was today. It wasn't a big thing - me and my siblings were invited, a few friends close to Zeyna's parents, but other than them and us most were family. I've never been good with funerals. The fact that I don't actually believe in anything the priest said today, the things Zeyna also truly believed in, makes me feel like an awful person, but I try to make the ceremony my own in a kind of way - dedicate the time to the still vivid memory of my friend instead, what really matters to me, instead. I had a speech prepared which I scrapped. I did still speak, because there was so much about Zeyna - her past, my memories of her, and the future she'd mapped out, that I wanted to share with everyone. I don't remember what I said, exactly, but I hope I did her memory justice. The ceremony was treated with some kind of morbid finality among some of the others attending the funeral, almost like they were getting ready to close the chapter in their lives that Zeyna was, as if the funeral provided any kind of meaningful conclusion. It didn't. Not for me, anyway. Perhaps I haven't fully come to terms with the fact, perhaps I'm desperately clinging to what I don't want to admit is a memory, but I secretly detest them for seemingly letting go so easily. It might not be healthy, and to anyone else I'd give the advice to come to terms with it, but I can't, yet. I'm not ready to accept and forget so quickly, partly because the pain is still very real and partly because I don't want that pain to ever go away. It feels fundamentally wrong, to me. I don't really know what to write, I just needed to get some of the helplessness and confusion off my chest. I think you're discrediting the "ceremony" and religious aspect of this a little too much, and it's adding to your feelings of anger and loss. You say that you "secretly detest them" because of the ceremony, the religiosity of it, and the way that it seemed to be a means of moving on. I can tell you, as a fellow atheist/non-believer, that's not something to detest anyone for. Just because they had a ceremony involving rites and language that we don't believe in doesn't mean they're not hurting too; and it most certainly doesn't mean that they'll all move on faster because of it. Everyone deals with loss differently. Some people cling to their faith to help them cope and rationalize what has happened. It doesn't mean it's right or wrong, it's just different. You can't let that difference taint your view of how these people cared for your friend. They hurt too, they're just showing it differently. I'm sorry for your loss. I went through the same situation recently, and I can tell you, even the most religious people will be crippled by their loss for some time. Don't doubt that for a second - and don't let that doubt cloud your view on what the ceremony meant for them. Like I said, it's just a different way to express the same feelings you have. You don't have to agree, just recognize it for what it is. You're all in the same boat trying to deal with the same rough water the best way you know how. | ||
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docvoc
United States5491 Posts
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