EPTSpanking is about the shock factor. Beating about hurting the child.
I do not believe anything to be wrong with spanking, as a last resort. Children cannot always be reasoned with.
Were you spanked? - Page 20
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Thorakh
Netherlands1788 Posts
Spanking is about the shock factor. Beating about hurting the child. I do not believe anything to be wrong with spanking, as a last resort. Children cannot always be reasoned with. | ||
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LaughingTulkas
United States1107 Posts
1. The child should be given a chance to behave first. (TALK to the child: "I understand that you are upset but you cannot hit your sister. Nobody likes to be hit, and so you shouldn't hit either. Your sister is part of our family and family loves each other"). 2. Discipline should be preceded by a clear warning: "You know that you aren't supposed to do that, now you have a choice. You can chose to do the right thing, or you can chose the wrong thing that leads to discipline." 3. Discipline should never be done in anger. Calmly talk to the child and make it clear that the discipline is a result of their choices. "I'm sorry that you made that bad choice to hit your sister again and chose discipline." 4. Discipline should be consistent. You cannot say that their choice will have consequences and then back out or bargain. This sends mixed messages to the child and is very negative. 5. Discipline should be followed by love. After discipline, you make it clear to the child that you love them and have a time of hugging/affection. Also maybe a good time to re-emphasize the lesson: "Families love each other and your sister is part of your family. We don't hit people, especially family." Notice that I did not specifically say that the discipline is "spanking" although it can be. Discipline for different children is different. One child might wilt if you look at him with disapproval while another may be very strong-willed and rebellious. Substituting "spanking" for discipline above should not be a first response, but may be necessary with some children. | ||
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xAdra
Singapore1858 Posts
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Warfie
Norway2846 Posts
On September 30 2014 02:10 LaughingTulkas wrote: 4. Discipline should be consistent. You cannot say that their choice will have consequences and then back out or bargain. This sends mixed messages to the child and is very negative. 5. Discipline should be followed by love. After discipline, you make it clear to the child that you love them and have a time of hugging/affection. Also maybe a good time to re-emphasize the lesson: "Families love each other and your sister is part of your family. We don't hit people, especially family." How about the mixed signals sent by re-emphasizing this lesson after spanking your child, which is after all hitting a family member? This is some double standard I for one cannot endorse. | ||
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Napoleon53
Denmark167 Posts
36% of all europeans and 70% of all americans... what!?! I never even heard of the phenonem in real life. | ||
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LaughingTulkas
United States1107 Posts
On September 30 2014 05:47 Warfie wrote: How about the mixed signals sent by re-emphasizing this lesson after spanking your child, which is after all hitting a family member? This is some double standard I for one cannot endorse. There is a clear distinction between hitting in anger and the natural consequences of negative actions (spanking) which a child can easily grasp. Spanking, done in anger, is always wrong. Having it be a consequence, clearly defined, and calmly carried out, is actually a lot less harmful than yelling, name-calling, and a host of other non-physical abuses. | ||
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hfglgg
Germany5372 Posts
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Loisl
21 Posts
Every child is different. Only because you dont think it was a problem when you were spanked doesnt mean your child will feel the same way. You might not inflict lasting emotional damage to your child by spanking, but there is a chance. I definitely will not risk that. BTW: I did a lot of babysitting (for pretty much every age) and I dont think that kids cant be reasoned with, their reasoning just works differently. | ||
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krutopatkin
Germany2612 Posts
On September 30 2014 06:11 Napoleon53 wrote: This topic blew my mind. I thought spanking was something only few people did back in the 19' century 36% of all europeans and 70% of all americans... what!?! I never even heard of the phenonem in real life. My mother spanked my sister once.. she(my mother) still has regrets when she tells the story | ||
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Foxxan
Sweden3427 Posts
She looked very mad while doing it. Like she could not control her anger. Why not teach the child with other means. Btw, if the person is angry while spanking, then its wrong to spank. Its wrong either way but it makes it double wrong. | ||
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Crushinator
Netherlands2138 Posts
On September 30 2014 19:51 Foxxan wrote: I got spanked by my mother a few times. She looked very mad while doing it. Like she could not control her anger. Why not teach the child with other means. Btw, if the person is angry while spanking, then its wrong to spank. Its wrong either way but it makes it double wrong. It is the calm and systematic abuse that makes me feel the most disgusted, but perhaps that is personal. Anyway the discussion is fairly pointless at this point, the pro-corporal punishment crowd cannot be reasoned with and violence against them is the only way to teach them its wrong. | ||
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ramon
Germany4842 Posts
iirc my stepdad tried to give me a slap once and my mother said she would leave him instantly if he tried again my granddad tried it once and i threw a chair at him | ||
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Capped
United Kingdom7236 Posts
On September 30 2014 20:45 ramon wrote: my granddad tried it once and i threw a chair at him So basically, you deserved a slap but got away with it. On September 30 2014 20:11 Crushinator wrote: It is the calm and systematic abuse that makes me feel the most disgusted, but perhaps that is personal. Anyway the discussion is fairly pointless at this point, the pro-corporal punishment crowd cannot be reasoned with and violence against them is the only way to teach them its wrong. I have to agree, if people are completely calm and collected when they're doing it, that's pretty awful, I couldn't bring myself to hit anybody while i'm calm let alone a child.. Then on the other end of the spectrum if you're so angry your intent is to bring serious pain..that's awful too. | ||
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GoTuNk!
Chile4591 Posts
On September 30 2014 21:22 Capped wrote: So basically, you deserved a slap but got away with it. I have to agree, if people are completely calm and collected when they're doing it, that's pretty awful, I couldn't bring myself to hit anybody while i'm calm let alone a child.. Then on the other end of the spectrum if you're so angry your intent is to bring serious pain..that's awful too. If you lose your temper while spanking a kid you are an abusive parent, just like you would be if you yelled at him because he pissed you off. Spanking is done to discipline the child, it's just a harsher form of punishment than taking away his gaming console for a few days. Both are done to discipline the kid, not to satisfy your anger. (I don't like spanking btw, but the notion that you can't touch your kids or that violence in general "is never the answer" disgusts me as a naive view by sheltered people who have never faced violence themselves) | ||
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figq
12519 Posts
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xM(Z
Romania5296 Posts
On September 30 2014 20:45 ramon wrote: very unexpected results, personally i think it's very wrong to slap your child (or anyone) iirc my stepdad tried to give me a slap once and my mother said she would leave him instantly if he tried again my granddad tried it once and i threw a chair at him and that anecdote should mean what?. that children who were not smacked find throwing chairs at their granddads normal?. fine education you got there. the simple fact that smacking is illegal gives you ... rights?, regardless of it(your acts/actions) being right/wrong, good/bad, (socially)acceptable or unacceptable?. | ||
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Capped
United Kingdom7236 Posts
On September 30 2014 21:34 GoTuNk! wrote: If you lose your temper while spanking a kid you are an abusive parent, just like you would be if you yelled at him because he pissed you off. Spanking is done to discipline the child, it's just a harsher form of punishment than taking away his gaming console for a few days. Both are done to discipline the kid, not to satisfy your anger. (I don't like spanking btw, but the notion that you can't touch your kids or that violence in general "is never the answer" disgusts me as a naive view by sheltered people who have never faced violence themselves) You think shouting at your child when he does something wrong makes you an abusive parent? I'm sorry but i work in childcare and if a child does something wrong and fails to listen multiple times every single one of my co-workers (and ex) will raise their voice if the situation requires it, me included. I'm sure this is the same pretty much everywhere and we aren't even their parents. However i do not mean screaming viciously or in a threatening manner, that's probably what you meant? I think its sick that you could hit a child without being angered / upset by their actions. If you are completely lucid with them why do their actions require spanking in the first place? The thing is, there is a huge difference between being angry / upset enough to spank them and losing your temper / angrily spanking them with the intent to harm. *BTW I don't hit children in my workplace (or mistreat them :o), haven't and never will, i don't have my own children either i have just always been under the impression that if my children are deserving, they will be spanked as a form of severe discipline. | ||
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GoTuNk!
Chile4591 Posts
On September 30 2014 21:50 Capped wrote: You think shouting at your child when he does something wrong makes you an abusive parent? I'm sorry but i work in childcare and if a child does something wrong and fails to listen multiple times every single one of my co-workers (and ex) will raise their voice if the situation requires it, me included. I'm sure this is the same pretty much everywhere and we aren't even their parents. However i do not mean screaming viciously or in a threatening manner, that's probably what you meant? I think its sick that you could hit a child without being angered / upset by their actions. If you are completely lucid with them why do their actions require spanking in the first place? The thing is, there is a huge difference between being angry / upset enough to spank them and losing your temper / angrily spanking them with the intent to harm. *BTW I don't hit children in my workplace (or mistreat them :o), haven't and never will, i don't have my own children either i have just always been under the impression that if my children are deserving, they will be spanked as a form of severe discipline. Yeah I meant screaming at them because of how you feel yourself. Kid does something bad and we want to modify behavior, yelling is good. GF broke up with you and you yell to a kid asking a question for no reason, yelling is bad. Yeah ofc you are not a dead robot, you are pissed because the kid did something wrong. But you are not spanking because you are pissed, you are doing it to discipline the child. And you have not lost your temper in a way that may cause you to actually harm the kid. So I guess we pretty much agree. | ||
Liquid`TLO
Germany767 Posts
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PassiveAce
United States18076 Posts
Interesting article. It discusses the origin and evolution of spanking. Pointing out that spanking is a sex act in both historical and biological contexts. | ||
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