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[R] Need 750 word essay - Page 2

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dancefayedance
Profile Joined July 2005
United States341 Posts
June 28 2006 10:03 GMT
#21
i have tried everything.. she wont do it.. just bitch and slam the keyboard down
fusionsdf
Profile Blog Joined June 2006
Canada15390 Posts
June 28 2006 10:04 GMT
#22

My Mac sucks

I don't want to start a holy war here, but what is the deal with you Mac fanatics? I've been sitting here at my freelance gig in front of a Mac (a 8600/300 w/64 Megs of RAM) for about 20 minutes now while it attempts to copy a 17 Meg file from one folder on the hard drive to another folder. 20 minutes. At home, on my Pentium Pro 200 running NT 4, which by all standards should be a lot slower than this Mac, the same operation would take about 2 minutes. If that.

In addition, during this file transfer, Netscape will not work. And everything else has ground to a halt. Even BBEdit Lite is straining to keep up as I type this.

I won't bore you with the laundry list of other problems that I've encountered while working on various Macs, but suffice it to say there have been many, not the least of which is I've never seen a Mac that has run faster than its Wintel counterpart, despite the Macs' faster chip architecture. My 486/66 with 8 megs of ram runs faster than this 300 mhz machine at times. From a productivity standpoint, I don't get how people can claim that the Macintosh is a superior machine.

Mac addicts, flame me if you'd like, but I'd rather hear some intelligent reasons why anyone would choose to use a Mac over other faster, cheaper, more stable systems.

Perl

Perl is like being molested by your uncle. There's something off about him, but everyone regards him very highly, so you trust him, and then on a family camping trip out at Montauk Point he takes advantage of you. Years later, you accept and acknowledge what happened, but you still refuse to believe that he's scarred you, because that would put him in control, not you, and the last thing you want is a molester in control of your life -- but your denial doesn't make it the truth. You want to believe that deep down inside, Perl is a good person, and you see that Perl has very redeeming qualities, but you sit down to try and program Perl and all you can think of is that camel's hard, throbbing cock.

XBox vs. PC

PCs are for sad geeks who have no life.

Game consoles are for those who want to entertain themselves.

I once tried using a PC - it was an absolute nightmare! (those who create these various versions don't exactly make them for the novice; they wrongly assume EVERYONE is a Geek) And using it was WORSE!!! Besides, I've ALWAYS used XBox, and it's too late to teach this old dog new tricks. And when PCs become as easy to use as XBox, games are as easy to load into PC as it is for XBox, and there's Halo 2 ported to PC (or better still, XBox games are compatible with PC), THEN I'll use it And You PC-ers DARE to accuse Bill Gates of being the 'Antichrist'?! At least he makes his game consoles EASY to buy & use!!!

So, until then, I say:

GET THEE BEHIND ME, PC-SATAN!!!


Opera


Opera sucks sure there's an ebuild for opera but it just get dropped to /opt, it's statically linked, and it's CLOSED SOURCE, which means that it is a BINARY package.


Done ^^
SKT_Best: "I actually chose Protoss because it was so hard for me to defeat Protoss as a Terran. When I first started Brood War, my main race was Terran."
Cloud
Profile Blog Joined November 2004
Sexico5880 Posts
June 28 2006 10:04 GMT
#23
This is 100% real. Sorry if it's a wall of text...

My parents are away somewhere, and I'm alone at my house giving out the candy. Not many comeby, I'd say it's a bit less than average this time of year. I was multitasking during that time too: playing video games, watching the movies, eating dinner and candies.

So at around 8:30PM, my door bell rang. Well, obviously it was gonna be people who wanted candy. So I got off the couch, and slowly got to the door. I opened the door, and behold, I saw two three hot girls. I didn't know any of them.

One was dressed as a dark angel, similar to Jessica Alba's "Dark Angel". She has brunette hair, a nice tan, nice breasts and was very cute. Fucking hot. The other, looked like a typical blond, a bit cute I guess. She was dressed up as a bunny. The last one wasn't really dressed, but did have a weird hair style. Can't remember much about that last girl, but that's not important.

From the looks of them, they looked like they were around 14-16 years old. So I asked them old they were. The cute brunette responded "We're all 15 years old" (I'm 17 by the way). So then I asked them, "Aren't you girls a bit too old for trick or treating?". They all giggled. The blond then responded "We're just having some fun and want candy". Then quickly after, the brunette said to me in the sweetest, most cutest voice "You're kind of cute. I would like to give you a trick of treat of my own".

I was stunned. I don't know what she was gonna do...I was predicting that she'd flash her tits. She then told her friends that she'll meet them back at the blond's house, as my house was the last one (done for halloween).

She then steps into my house, giggles, and starts trying to touch my cock with her hands. I was wearing jeans at that time. I asked her "Do you know me?". She just said "It doesn't matter". She then asked if anyone was home, and I told her that my parents won't be here until 11. She starts touching my cock again, and slowly pulls down on my jeans after unbuttoning the button. My erection started just before she pull them down.

She began sucking on it, very hard. She also commented on my cock. I was thinking to myself "A hot chick sucking my cock, can it get any better?". Oh man, I can still feel it now, so good. I did have some pre-cum, and she swallowed it. She absolutely enjoyed my cock. I still can't believe this happened...

After awhile, I told her I was about to come. She told me to direct it in her mouth (NOT a facial like in porn movies). So I did, and it went directly to her throat. She swallowed it all. She still continued to lick my whole dick, and made it nice.

I asked her for my phone number, and then she gave it to me. I told her we should hang out sometime, as she doesn't live far away from here. Right before she was leaving, she said "Happy Halloween". Then archers. Thousands of them. Out of no where, appearing all over the porch, doorway and house. They start shooting bows at me and her, and I carry her to safety outside. But I was wrong. Ninjas. Thousands of them. They start shooting their stars at us. One hit her right in her cunt, and I had to pull it out of her. She was in pain. I was still carrying her out to safety. I screamed for help but no one was outside. I didn't know what to do.

I quickly ran into a sewer that had an open lid. Me and her were both wet. I ran all the way in the end, then ninja mutant ninja turtles. Only four of them. They were actually nice, gave me some pizza, and soon enough they killed all of the enemies.

So then I came back home, exhausted and tired as hell. But I can say that was the greatest night of my life. Next time I'll call her and hopefully we'll do some more intense sexual stuff.

So overall, a nice halloween.
BlueLaguna on West, msg for game.
dancefayedance
Profile Joined July 2005
United States341 Posts
June 28 2006 10:06 GMT
#24
hajaha... would love to use it
PaeZ
Profile Joined April 2005
Mexico1627 Posts
June 28 2006 10:09 GMT
#25
On June 28 2006 18:58 greatmeh wrote:
lol, if ur mom cant write a 750 word essay on any type of experience, she doesnt deserve her high school diploma and should consider becoming mentaly retarded


rofl at this
dronebabo
Profile Blog Joined December 2003
10866 Posts
June 28 2006 10:11 GMT
#26
--- Nuked ---
dancefayedance
Profile Joined July 2005
United States341 Posts
June 28 2006 10:16 GMT
#27
she played the imagine if she died tomorrow shit i would regret it .........
IntoTheWow
Profile Blog Joined May 2004
is awesome32271 Posts
June 28 2006 10:18 GMT
#28
HAI GUYZ ]MY MOM HAS TROUBLE WITH TVP ON LUNA, CAN ANYONE TELL EHR WHAT SOME GOOD BUILD ORDERS BE?
Moderator<:3-/-<
dronebabo
Profile Blog Joined December 2003
10866 Posts
June 28 2006 10:18 GMT
#29
--- Nuked ---
dancefayedance
Profile Joined July 2005
United States341 Posts
June 28 2006 10:19 GMT
#30
lmfao
Hot_Bid
Profile Blog Joined October 2003
Braavos36374 Posts
June 28 2006 10:20 GMT
#31
your mom should write about how she managed to figure out how to get you out of her vagina

that'd cover way more than 750 words
@Hot_Bid on Twitter - ESPORTS life since 2010 - http://i.imgur.com/U2psw.png
BroOd
Profile Blog Joined April 2003
Austin10831 Posts
June 28 2006 10:21 GMT
#32
IT WAS LIKE TAKING A REALLY BIG POOP, BUT FROM THE FRONT.
ModeratorSIRL and JLIG.
IntoTheWow
Profile Blog Joined May 2004
is awesome32271 Posts
June 28 2006 10:22 GMT
#33
LOL dancefayedance smells
Moderator<:3-/-<
SMiLE[bwd]
Profile Joined August 2005
United States233 Posts
June 28 2006 10:22 GMT
#34
Cloud, the best essay ever LOL
evanthebouncy!
Profile Blog Joined June 2006
United States12796 Posts
June 28 2006 10:24 GMT
#35
On June 28 2006 18:33 dancefayedance wrote:
My mom is trying to get her highschool diploma but she has to write a 750 word essay. i've written one for her but she didn't like it. Does anyone have an essay about an experience or anything? i'd really appreciate this.

Hmm! Should she write one herself?
Life is run, it is dance, it is fast, passionate and BAM!, you dance and sing and booze while you can for now is the time and time is mine. Smile and laugh when still can for now is the time and soon you die!
QuietIdiot
Profile Blog Joined October 2005
7004 Posts
June 28 2006 10:35 GMT
#36
+ Show Spoiler +
This is 100% real. Sorry if it's a wall of text...

My parents are away somewhere, and I'm alone at my house giving out the candy. Not many comeby, I'd say it's a bit less than average this time of year. I was multitasking during that time too: playing video games, watching the movies, eating dinner and candies.

So at around 8:30PM, my door bell rang. Well, obviously it was gonna be people who wanted candy. So I got off the couch, and slowly got to the door. I opened the door, and behold, I saw two three hot girls. I didn't know any of them.

One was dressed as a dark angel, similar to Jessica Alba's "Dark Angel". She has brunette hair, a nice tan, nice breasts and was very cute. Fucking hot. The other, looked like a typical blond, a bit cute I guess. She was dressed up as a bunny. The last one wasn't really dressed, but did have a weird hair style. Can't remember much about that last girl, but that's not important.

From the looks of them, they looked like they were around 14-16 years old. So I asked them old they were. The cute brunette responded "We're all 15 years old" (I'm 17 by the way). So then I asked them, "Aren't you girls a bit too old for trick or treating?". They all giggled. The blond then responded "We're just having some fun and want candy". Then quickly after, the brunette said to me in the sweetest, most cutest voice "You're kind of cute. I would like to give you a trick of treat of my own".

I was stunned. I don't know what she was gonna do...I was predicting that she'd flash her tits. She then told her friends that she'll meet them back at the blond's house, as my house was the last one (done for halloween).

She then steps into my house, giggles, and starts trying to touch my cock with her hands. I was wearing jeans at that time. I asked her "Do you know me?". She just said "It doesn't matter". She then asked if anyone was home, and I told her that my parents won't be here until 11. She starts touching my cock again, and slowly pulls down on my jeans after unbuttoning the button. My erection started just before she pull them down.

She began sucking on it, very hard. She also commented on my cock. I was thinking to myself "A hot chick sucking my cock, can it get any better?". Oh man, I can still feel it now, so good. I did have some pre-cum, and she swallowed it. She absolutely enjoyed my cock. I still can't believe this happened...

After awhile, I told her I was about to come. She told me to direct it in her mouth (NOT a facial like in porn movies). So I did, and it went directly to her throat. She swallowed it all. She still continued to lick my whole dick, and made it nice.

I asked her for my phone number, and then she gave it to me. I told her we should hang out sometime, as she doesn't live far away from here. Right before she was leaving, she said "Happy Halloween". Then archers. Thousands of them. Out of no where, appearing all over the porch, doorway and house. They start shooting bows at me and her, and I carry her to safety outside. But I was wrong. Ninjas. Thousands of them. They start shooting their stars at us. One hit her right in her cunt, and I had to pull it out of her. She was in pain. I was still carrying her out to safety. I screamed for help but no one was outside. I didn't know what to do.

I quickly ran into a sewer that had an open lid. Me and her were both wet. I ran all the way in the end, then ninja mutant ninja turtles. Only four of them. They were actually nice, gave me some pizza, and soon enough they killed all of the enemies.

So then I came back home, exhausted and tired as hell. But I can say that was the greatest night of my life. Next time I'll call her and hopefully we'll do some more intense sexual stuff.

So overall, a nice halloween.

Every summer, we take a trip to a national landmark by car. This year, it was to yellowstone. My sister and I always sit in the back seat watching DVDs, while my parents sit up front driving and reading maps.

Anyways, we had just finished a 19 hour day on rthe road, and the hotel we were staying at only had one room left. It was a room with two beds and no bathroom. My parents took one bed, and made me and my sister take the other.

Seeing as I hadn't jacked off since we left home (2 days), I was really horny. Well, I would have just used the bathroom, but there wasn't one. So I waited until it was really late and I was sure everybody was asleep, then pulled out my throbbing cock. My sister has her back to me, and I got what seemed to be a good idea. After making sure she was asleep, I gently moved my hands around her body and began to gently caress her smooth breasts. Moving my hands downward, I slowly felt her pussy, and discovered it was wet. I started rubbing it gently, my cock about to explode from horniness. Then my sister moved. I quickly withdrew my hands and pretened to be asleep. I suddenly felt my sister's warm butt gently nudging my cock. I was suprised by this, but she continued nudging it until I was sure that she wanted it. I gently slid my cock into her tight anus, and she started moaning quietly. Then she pulled away and faced me, her face begging pleasure. I slowly guided my cock to her waiting pussy, and then...

Ninjas. Thousands of them. They dropped down from nowhere, and one instantly broke my sisters neck. Another dispatched both of my parents with one graceful swing of the sword. I lept out of bed, my enraged penis held firmly in my hands. I took a swing at one, and sliced him open from shoulder to stomach. His entrails poured out, covering me with blood. I took out another ninja, and another. I engaged in a fierce battle, my wang clashing with their swords. After hours of fighting, I had finally beaten them. The walls of the room were soaked with blood, and I looked down sadly at my sister. In the process of fighting, a sword I had knocked out of a ninja's hands had sliced her in half. I could see her exposed vagina, still open and waiting. I picked up that half of her body and began to fuck it. I moved it faster and faster, until I came. The force at which it left my body blew her pussy in half, leaving me with a severed leg in each hand. I rang for room service, checked out, and disappeared into the night...

Jessie could never understand why, but she was extremely fascinated by Penis...

She was just 7, but already found herself masturbating with phallic objects.
Ever since she caught a glimpse of her father taking a piss, she knew that penis was her delicacy.
Granted, she was unable to bring herself to orgasm, the dumb little bitch, but it felt so good.
After so long, she decided fake plastic objects and wooden chair legs just weren't doing it for her. She needed something real. But who was crazy enough to fill her with what she needed?

Jessie sat, pouting, watching ABC Family with her mother. Full House began playing.
"That's it!" Jessie squealed.
Bob Saget. He was around little girls all the time. He had to have fucked at least one, she thought.
Thusly Jessie began her quest to find Mr.Fage-erm, Saget.

It didn't take long. He was found at the local Kids' Country daycare center. How did she get there?
She took a fucking bus.

"Hello Mr.Saget!" Jessie said happily.
"Why hello there little girl, what's your name?"
"The best fuck you've had in years."
"What?"
"Let's cut to the chase mister, I wanna get fucked, you're a fucking pedophile. So let's go to the changing room and get this over with, capiche'?"
"Now listen you, don't sass me like that. When I was Mr.Tanner my girls never gave me any backtalk. I think I'll have to give you a spanking."
Bob picked her up and carried her to the changing room.

"Nice lead, Bob. Now, how 'bout you tear me up?"
Quickly, Saget pulled her pants off, and slid his hands into her panties, slowly pulling them down off her legs.
After taking out his own genitalia, he lined up his less-than-average-sized penis with Jessie's tiny hole and plunged in.

Too bad Jessie was so small. It tore her in half.

"OH SHIT!" Saget yelled. "This is Ashley Olson all over again!"

*flashback!*

Little Ashley Olson had recently turned seven. And for a birthday present, Bob had the best idea. He'd tear her cherry open. But...he didn't think he'd tear her entire body open. Miscalculation.
"Ashley, dear, would you please come to my dressing room. There's a scene I'd like to discuss."
They thought nothing of this. Saget was such a nice man. No-one thought he'd aspire to fuck the little girl.

"Miss Olson, there's a scene we need to rehearse. It's in an upcoming episode - Michelle Gets Laid."
"What's get laid mean, Mr.Bobby?" she asked innocently.
"Well...how bout I show you? I promise it'll feel good."
"Okay! That sounds fun!"
The little girl had no idea...

Bob slid her little pink shirt off her head. "Mr.Bobby, what're you doing!?"
"Well, this is how you get laid."
"O-okay..."
After that, he unzipped and pulled off her cute skirt. And finally, he slid off the white cotton panties covering her tiny virgin vagina.
"W-what's going on...? You're looking at my private parts..."
"Just go along with it, Ashley. It's how it's done.."
"Okay, Mr.Bobby...I trust you..."

Saget disrobed, and prepared to enter her. He thrust in...

Too bad Ashley was so small. It tore her in half.

"OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT!" he yelled. "I fucked up!"
He had to find a way to take care of this. So, he went to talk to his good friend, Mr. T.

"Mr. T, I killed a little girl while fucking her. What do I do, man?"
"I PITY DA FOO' WHO FIRGIT DA LUBE!"
"Seriously T, how can I not spend the rest of my life taking it in the ass from big burly men named Molly?"
"CLONIN' DAWG! I PITY DA FOO' WHO DON' GET TO DA CHOPPA!...AND TAKE IT TO DA LAB!!"
"Excellent idea, Mr. T!"

In the dead of night, Bob crept up into Mary-Kate Olson's room and kidnapped her.
But then, the predators attacked!
"OH SHIT! GET TO DA CHOPPA!"
Cradling the girl in his arms, Saget dashed to the helicopter, already slowly hovering in the air, blades spinning furiously.
They just barely made it.

Dr. Eyepatch's Lab - 2:54 am

"Dr. Eyepatch! Dr. Eyepatch!"
The large TV at the center of the room turned on. "Ah...Mr.Faget. What can I d-d-do for you?"
"Erm...Saget, Doctor. Please, I need you to clone this little girl."
"For a p-p-price, Mr. F-f-faget."
"Okay, okay...I'll blow the dog later. Please, just do this for me."

Thusly the day was saved. Except for in the present. Cause Bob stilled had a dead little girl enveloping his penis.

Goddamn, I gotta get this off - but, it's still so tight..."
Forgetting about the entrails sliding off the changing table, he continued to fuck the little dead Jessie, not noticing the woman walking in.

"Oh...oh my god....what the hell are you doing to her!?"
"Ah...wait, it's not what it -"
Quickly the woman pulled out her cell and dialed 911.
Bob was able to kill her by suffocating her inside Jessie's torn-up stomach, but not before she got the police ready.

"Bloody hell...it's time to strap up in this bitch. SAGETEERS! GO!"

Suddenly, Joey, Jesse, DJ, Stephanie, and Becky appeared.

"GIRTH!"
"NIGER!"
"GRINNED!"
"littler girls are HOTTER!"
"FART!"

In a blinding flash of light, Bob was encased in a suit of Mjolner armor, and in his hands were two submachine guns.
"Thanks, guys. There's a vibrator in your cookie jars later."

He emerged on the roof as the police arrived. "You Five-0 motherfuckers won't take me alive! DIE!"

He lobbed a grenade down, sending a squad car flying into the nearby 7/11.
Bullets shot upward at the pedophile actor, but they barely scratched his armor.

"It's no use, sir! He's a master! A fucking chief with weapons!"
"Keep shooting! My son plays XBox! He has no health once you knock his shields down!"
"Yes, sir!"

The squad continued firing, being picked off one by one by the rain of bullets.
"Shitshitshit!" A cop yelled, struggling to escape the bulletstorm behind him, slowly closing the gap.
"If I can just make it behind that - agh!"
Shots erupted out his chest, blood flying in every direction.

"That's it..." The sheriff said grimly. "You're goin' down. CALL IN THE CARRIERS!"

"The carriers!?" Saget exclaimed. "Oh, shit!"
Even he was no match for carriers. But he had to try.
He quickly switched to his rocket launcher and fired at the incoming stampede of carriers.

"Instant win" they all chattered coldly, again and again.
"Instant win" "Instant win" Instant win"
The sound kept getting closer.
Saget leapt from the roof as the building exploded.
"No fall damage! HAH!"
He landed, quickly switching to his shotgun and firing into the crowd of police.

The police were all dead. He was safe...wasn't he?

"Weren't expecting me, were you...Danny?"
He turned.
"A...Ashley!?"
"I'm not Ashley. I'm just....just Mary-Kate...I know what happened. You tried to erase my memory. But I checked Dr.Eyepatch's files when I began to suspect. And it's true, isn't it!? I'm just a clone!"
"Ashley, wait, I-"
"Shut up, Bob! Just shut up! I'm tired of all the lies! I don't have a past! Those memories are lies! I don't have a past! But...you don't have a future!"
She pulled out a rocket launcher.
"You fool! At point blank range!? You'll kill us both!!"
"No...I'll only kill you. I was never alive to begin with."

She fired.

Epilogue (Because every good story needs one)

The mayor sat at his desk, reviewing the day's report.
"Horrendous," he remarked. "In our beautiful city? Just horrendous. But, what can you expect form retired sitcom stars? They lived out a life on TV. Maybe they're still stuck in that life? Without real consequences? What kind of mindset are they put in? Will we ever know?"

The speaker on his desk blared forth with the voice of a secretary. "Sir, your 5 o'clock is here."
"Ah, my daughter? Send her in."

The mayor's daughter, Becky, was a mere 9 years old, but oh so cute. She had just returned from school.
"Becky, how was school?"
"Fine, daddy. How was work?"
"Very boring without you. I'm extremely hard, baby."
"Daddy, I had mexican for lunch..."
"If you have to fart, fine. But I swear to god, if you shit on my dick..."
"I know daddy, 40 lashes of your dick on my cheek."
"Good. Take those pants off."

The End
BloodyC0bbler
Profile Blog Joined September 2004
Canada7875 Posts
June 28 2006 10:39 GMT
#37
Man, 750 word essay is easy shit, takes an hour tops on normal bs, maybe slightly more on a life experience if your having issues putting it into words. Seriously though, if thats all she needs for her highschool diploma then she should do it herself. Literally it takes no time to write, and then shes done with essays unless she tries to cheat her way through university.

#3 Member of the Chill Fanclub / Rhaegar fought nobly. Rhaegar fought valiantly. Rhaegar fought honorably. And Rhaeger died. --Ser Jorah Mormont TL MAFIA FORUM http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/index.php?show_part=31 go go !
CubEdIn
Profile Blog Joined April 2006
Romania5359 Posts
June 28 2006 10:56 GMT
#38
I just opened the "spoiler" and scrolled down to find

"Ninjas. Thousands of them."

I fell out of the chair laughing and hurt my elbow. I have a goddamn exam today too. TL sux.

P.S. Love you guys.
Im not a n00b, I just play like one.
ROOTheognis
Profile Blog Joined January 2006
United States4482 Posts
June 28 2006 11:01 GMT
#39
On June 28 2006 19:01 BroOd wrote:
Suggest to her that she write about her Grandmother's passing. It could be cathartic, as well as fulfulling her requirement.
If you avoid your weakness, it will remain your weakness. www.twitter.com/#!/rootheognis Follow me!
CyuntiyuL
Profile Blog Joined September 2004
Canada1740 Posts
June 28 2006 11:04 GMT
#40
I love IntoTheWow. No one else on this Earth has made me laugh so hard. GO ARGENTINA
secret base
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