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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On January 29 2013 04:39 stickyhands wrote:Show nested quote +On January 28 2013 19:03 vgijamven wrote:My background: (spoilered to keep the post short) + Show Spoiler +I am a male unkissed virgin, 23 years old. Ever since I hit puberty I’ve been a very quiet and a bit of a anti-social person. Basically I was (and to some extend still am) the term “beta” personified. My looks are average at best, I’m fairly muscular, and I have 0 fashion sense. I spent a lot of my childhood playing games, and I basically spent all of my teenage years playing World of Warcraft with friends from my gymnasium (10 to 12th grade) class.
This has led to me not having many friends at all, altho the few friends that I have I am very close to. And I especially have never had any female friends or any experience in talking to women (besides my sister whom I’m also very close to).
My first encounter with love was brief during summer 2012, where I sort of fell in love with a woman at my summer job, but I quickly learned she was in fact a lesbian (that’s what I get for having a thing for women with short hair, eh?) so that love didn’t really have time to manifest, and I got over it quickly. Looking back, I think I basically fell in love with her because she was the first woman I’ve met who didn’t seem to mind talking to me, and looked at me for more than 0.1 seconds. (Full beta, or what?) So in August, I started a new education to become a .NET Software Engineer. In this class, there is this woman whom I sort of sit next to (one empty chair between us) furthest back in the classroom. I found her interesting from the beginning. During the autumn, I tried to find something to at least exchange some words with her every week, even though I had absolutely no idea how to talk to a girl. This went so-so. Anyhow, when the 3rd course started around the beginning of November, we had a group assignment in which she and I decided to form a group, together with 2 others. This is where we added each other on Skype and really started talking to each other. On Skype, she is very easy to talk to. It’s just as easy as talking to one of my closest friends. We can sometimes spend 1-3 hours talking about different stuff, asking each other questions and discussing stuff. In school it was still difficult to talk to her. Not only because I have no clue how to talk to women, but I also realized after a while that she wasn’t really giving good responses for me to work with, to start up a conversation. Her answers were usually short and concise, and during breaks she seemed more interested in doing stuff on her smartphone and/or computer than talking to me. (To this day, I don’t think she has taken any initiative in starting a face-to-face conversation in school, but she does it all the time in Skype chats.) After about a month, in the beginning of December, (on a Thursday evening) she mentions someone she refers to as her “date” she was going to meet that Friday evening. This is when I realized I was in love with her, as I felt the by now familiar feeling that is love, she had also introduced me to a new feeling – extreme jealousy. That weekend was one of my worst days of my life. Today, I haven’t seen her since 21st of December. She is hardworking and talented, but she’s doesn’t come to school very often. My problem:After Week 7 we are going on internships that last til summer. This means I won’t see her again until the end of August. The mere thought of this is tearing me apart from the inside. I think of her ALL the time. Furthermore, the penultimate/next to last day before we head off to our internships is Valentine’s Day here in Sweden. I can’t make my mind up if I’m gonna confess my feelings to her or not. With the Valentine’s Day timing, it almost feels “destined” to do so. But is there even a point to confessing your feelings to someone who already has a “special somebody”? Or is it even someone special? I have absolutely zero clue what a “date” is, or what her definition of the word is. I have no idea how serious they are in their “relationship”. I know they gave each other Christmas presents, that’s about it. Should I do it for the sake of myself, to hear her reject me so I can move on with my life? I’m 95% certain she has no feelings for me. The two scenarios:Don’t confess – I either “hope” her relationship doesn’t work and/or hope that she develops feelings for me over time. Or I dedicate this time where I won’t meet her to get over my feelings for her. Confess – Which approach do I take? The cautious one “I wanted to say that I like you and am interested in you.”, or do I take the full-hearted approach “I have been in love with you for 2 months. I think about you all the time - you are the first thought when I wake up and the last before I fall asleep.” If you read all this, thank you for your time. I tried to keep it short. Any advice would be appreciated, whatever that might be. I can’t really think straight when it comes to this woman. ASK HER OUT + Show Spoiler ++ Show Spoiler ++ Show Spoiler +
seconded so hard, just please please don't go the 'confess' route, the whole idea of confessing makes it sound like being sexually attracted to someone is wrong......, it might be quite out of character but just say something to her, by the sounds of it you don't know her that much and your proclamations of love might be exaggerations....just do something about just ring her up or ask if she wants to hang out after a class or some shit, its not that hard honestly, you have to find that killer instinct inside yourself and just pull the trigger and shoot, shoot enough times and you'll hit.
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On January 29 2013 04:43 r.Evo wrote:
Again you're saying that "a type of personality comes with it all" and that a "girl you pick up at a club is most likely a silly girl who can't handle serious conversations". Like what the hell. If you can't manage to pick up smart girls at clubs it's your fault, not theirs. Don't make a generalizing statement like that when it's based on your personal incompetence.
What does that have to do with anything I said? I can and have picked up girls at a club, and at a bar more recently specifically because it's not as bad. Never been impressed with them after the fact, though. What I'm seeing now is your own insecurities, sorry I'm insulting the ladies that are good enough for you and not for me... That Evo.... don't get so angry. =/
Edit: Honestly I'm only making a statement of preference. Girls who hang out at clubs typically*** aren't exactly to my liking. Don't know how from that you extrapolate that I can't "get them" or whatever.
***NOT ALWAYS (I feel the need to specify seeing how you make stuff up about myself and seem to misinterpret what I'm writing in general)
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Agreed. You need to ask her out and give it your best shot. I am sure she will give you a chance. Even if you don't succeed, I assure that you will feel emotionally much more satiated than if you didn't do anything. And you would have come out stronger/better out of it. And if you succeed, you win.
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On January 28 2013 19:03 vgijamven wrote:My background: (spoilered to keep the post short) + Show Spoiler +I am a male unkissed virgin, 23 years old. Ever since I hit puberty I’ve been a very quiet and a bit of a anti-social person. Basically I was (and to some extend still am) the term “beta” personified. My looks are average at best, I’m fairly muscular, and I have 0 fashion sense. I spent a lot of my childhood playing games, and I basically spent all of my teenage years playing World of Warcraft with friends from my gymnasium (10 to 12th grade) class.
This has led to me not having many friends at all, altho the few friends that I have I am very close to. And I especially have never had any female friends or any experience in talking to women (besides my sister whom I’m also very close to).
My first encounter with love was brief during summer 2012, where I sort of fell in love with a woman at my summer job, but I quickly learned she was in fact a lesbian (that’s what I get for having a thing for women with short hair, eh?) so that love didn’t really have time to manifest, and I got over it quickly. Looking back, I think I basically fell in love with her because she was the first woman I’ve met who didn’t seem to mind talking to me, and looked at me for more than 0.1 seconds. (Full beta, or what?) So in August, I started a new education to become a .NET Software Engineer. In this class, there is this woman whom I sort of sit next to (one empty chair between us) furthest back in the classroom. I found her interesting from the beginning. During the autumn, I tried to find something to at least exchange some words with her every week, even though I had absolutely no idea how to talk to a girl. This went so-so. Anyhow, when the 3rd course started around the beginning of November, we had a group assignment in which she and I decided to form a group, together with 2 others. This is where we added each other on Skype and really started talking to each other. On Skype, she is very easy to talk to. It’s just as easy as talking to one of my closest friends. We can sometimes spend 1-3 hours talking about different stuff, asking each other questions and discussing stuff. In school it was still difficult to talk to her. Not only because I have no clue how to talk to women, but I also realized after a while that she wasn’t really giving good responses for me to work with, to start up a conversation. Her answers were usually short and concise, and during breaks she seemed more interested in doing stuff on her smartphone and/or computer than talking to me. (To this day, I don’t think she has taken any initiative in starting a face-to-face conversation in school, but she does it all the time in Skype chats.) After about a month, in the beginning of December, (on a Thursday evening) she mentions someone she refers to as her “date” she was going to meet that Friday evening. This is when I realized I was in love with her, as I felt the by now familiar feeling that is love, she had also introduced me to a new feeling – extreme jealousy. That weekend was one of my worst days of my life. Today, I haven’t seen her since 21st of December. She is hardworking and talented, but she’s doesn’t come to school very often. My problem:After Week 7 we are going on internships that last til summer. This means I won’t see her again until the end of August. The mere thought of this is tearing me apart from the inside. I think of her ALL the time. Furthermore, the penultimate/next to last day before we head off to our internships is Valentine’s Day here in Sweden. I can’t make my mind up if I’m gonna confess my feelings to her or not. With the Valentine’s Day timing, it almost feels “destined” to do so. But is there even a point to confessing your feelings to someone who already has a “special somebody”? Or is it even someone special? I have absolutely zero clue what a “date” is, or what her definition of the word is. I have no idea how serious they are in their “relationship”. I know they gave each other Christmas presents, that’s about it. Should I do it for the sake of myself, to hear her reject me so I can move on with my life? I’m 95% certain she has no feelings for me. The two scenarios:Don’t confess – I either “hope” her relationship doesn’t work and/or hope that she develops feelings for me over time. Or I dedicate this time where I won’t meet her to get over my feelings for her. Confess – Which approach do I take? The cautious one “I wanted to say that I like you and am interested in you.”, or do I take the full-hearted approach “I have been in love with you for 2 months. I think about you all the time - you are the first thought when I wake up and the last before I fall asleep.” If you read all this, thank you for your time. I tried to keep it short. Any advice would be appreciated, whatever that might be. I can’t really think straight when it comes to this woman.
I'm a major lurker on these forums but I had to reply to you.
I used to be in a situation, that you could say was sort of similar to the one that you are talking about. There was this girl, my current gf now, that I really liked. We went to the same high school and for 3 years I did nothing, and then finally one day I started talking to her, and eventually asked her out on a date, and for the past 2 and a half years we've had plenty of more amazing dates.
During one of your skype conversations just ask her out. It doesn't need to be anything big, or special. A movie and a dinner, or an activity that you both enjoy doing. If you really like her as much as you say, then through your actions when you are out with her she will see how much you really like her. You normally don't need to tell someone you like them, your actions and behavior when you are with them is, in most cases, enough. Through the time what you spend together you will also be able to tell how she feels about you.
You could also just tell her that you like and and ask her out. But don't make it seem like a confession, as someone said above. That can at times turn a girl off. Just be friendly, and most of all BE YOURSELF, things will work out.
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On January 29 2013 05:40 KO_SharpMind wrote:Show nested quote +On January 28 2013 19:03 vgijamven wrote:My background: (spoilered to keep the post short) + Show Spoiler +I am a male unkissed virgin, 23 years old. Ever since I hit puberty I’ve been a very quiet and a bit of a anti-social person. Basically I was (and to some extend still am) the term “beta” personified. My looks are average at best, I’m fairly muscular, and I have 0 fashion sense. I spent a lot of my childhood playing games, and I basically spent all of my teenage years playing World of Warcraft with friends from my gymnasium (10 to 12th grade) class.
This has led to me not having many friends at all, altho the few friends that I have I am very close to. And I especially have never had any female friends or any experience in talking to women (besides my sister whom I’m also very close to).
My first encounter with love was brief during summer 2012, where I sort of fell in love with a woman at my summer job, but I quickly learned she was in fact a lesbian (that’s what I get for having a thing for women with short hair, eh?) so that love didn’t really have time to manifest, and I got over it quickly. Looking back, I think I basically fell in love with her because she was the first woman I’ve met who didn’t seem to mind talking to me, and looked at me for more than 0.1 seconds. (Full beta, or what?) So in August, I started a new education to become a .NET Software Engineer. In this class, there is this woman whom I sort of sit next to (one empty chair between us) furthest back in the classroom. I found her interesting from the beginning. During the autumn, I tried to find something to at least exchange some words with her every week, even though I had absolutely no idea how to talk to a girl. This went so-so. Anyhow, when the 3rd course started around the beginning of November, we had a group assignment in which she and I decided to form a group, together with 2 others. This is where we added each other on Skype and really started talking to each other. On Skype, she is very easy to talk to. It’s just as easy as talking to one of my closest friends. We can sometimes spend 1-3 hours talking about different stuff, asking each other questions and discussing stuff. In school it was still difficult to talk to her. Not only because I have no clue how to talk to women, but I also realized after a while that she wasn’t really giving good responses for me to work with, to start up a conversation. Her answers were usually short and concise, and during breaks she seemed more interested in doing stuff on her smartphone and/or computer than talking to me. (To this day, I don’t think she has taken any initiative in starting a face-to-face conversation in school, but she does it all the time in Skype chats.) After about a month, in the beginning of December, (on a Thursday evening) she mentions someone she refers to as her “date” she was going to meet that Friday evening. This is when I realized I was in love with her, as I felt the by now familiar feeling that is love, she had also introduced me to a new feeling – extreme jealousy. That weekend was one of my worst days of my life. Today, I haven’t seen her since 21st of December. She is hardworking and talented, but she’s doesn’t come to school very often. My problem:After Week 7 we are going on internships that last til summer. This means I won’t see her again until the end of August. The mere thought of this is tearing me apart from the inside. I think of her ALL the time. Furthermore, the penultimate/next to last day before we head off to our internships is Valentine’s Day here in Sweden. I can’t make my mind up if I’m gonna confess my feelings to her or not. With the Valentine’s Day timing, it almost feels “destined” to do so. But is there even a point to confessing your feelings to someone who already has a “special somebody”? Or is it even someone special? I have absolutely zero clue what a “date” is, or what her definition of the word is. I have no idea how serious they are in their “relationship”. I know they gave each other Christmas presents, that’s about it. Should I do it for the sake of myself, to hear her reject me so I can move on with my life? I’m 95% certain she has no feelings for me. The two scenarios:Don’t confess – I either “hope” her relationship doesn’t work and/or hope that she develops feelings for me over time. Or I dedicate this time where I won’t meet her to get over my feelings for her. Confess – Which approach do I take? The cautious one “I wanted to say that I like you and am interested in you.”, or do I take the full-hearted approach “I have been in love with you for 2 months. I think about you all the time - you are the first thought when I wake up and the last before I fall asleep.” If you read all this, thank you for your time. I tried to keep it short. Any advice would be appreciated, whatever that might be. I can’t really think straight when it comes to this woman. I'm a major lurker on these forums but I had to reply to you. I used to be in a situation, that you could say was sort of similar to the one that you are talking about. There was this girl, my current gf now, that I really liked. We went to the same high school and for 3 years I did nothing, and then finally one day I started talking to her, and eventually asked her out on a date, and for the past 2 and a half years we've had plenty of more amazing dates. During one of your skype conversations just ask her out. It doesn't need to be anything big, or special. A movie and a dinner, or an activity that you both enjoy doing. If you really like her as much as you say, then through your actions when you are out with her she will see how much you really like her. You normally don't need to tell someone you like them, your actions and behavior when you are with them is, in most cases, enough. Through the time what you spend together you will also be able to tell how she feels about you. You could also just tell her that you like and and ask her out. But don't make it seem like a confession, as someone said above. That can at times turn a girl off. Just be friendly, and most of all BE YOURSELF, things will work out.
Personally I'd disagree with asking her out on skype. Not for the first date (for later ones; sure). It is definitely an excuse to not be face to face, and it kind of kills the whole confidence vibe you're trying to put out. Be man enough to ask her to her face - if she declines a cup of coffee and you're friends, she's weird.
To the whole nightclub/first date/1 night stand stuff, my take is that both sides are right. -Personally- I don't want to date a girl who wants a 1 night stand. That's because my -personal- view is that I want to know the girl better before something like that happens. I've been dating a girl for almost 2 years and I haven't slept with her, and that doesn't really bother me (admittedly only half in college, other half HS), but that's purely because of my own outlook on life. That doesn't make me narrow-minded; I'm choosing not to do something. I want a girl who wants to know me before she slept with me. To say that's narrow-minded (looking for a girl of that personality) is like saying I'm narrow-minded for not liking onions. It's personal preference.
At the same time, I understand the argument of 1 night stands being okay. I might not agree or subscribe to it, but it's not like I think that people that do it are morally unsound or bad or whatever word you will. But just because I don't want to do that doesn't make me narrow-minded. That aspect of a personality is the same as another aspect of a girl's personality when it comes to dating. If I want to date a shy, quieter or more reserved girl (I do and am), then I'm not narrow-minded or naive for not dating a partier. Maybe I'll miss out on something, and it could be a valuable experience, but it isn't one that I'm interested in right now.
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On January 27 2013 13:32 pyrogenetix wrote:Show nested quote +On January 27 2013 12:06 zJayy962 wrote:
Not sure if this is the place for relationship advice, but I'll give it a go. I've been in 1 relationship (serious one) my whole life. Been with her for almost 5 years now. Sex has always been great and I can barely keep up with her (she'll want it like 2 times a day everyday when we can see each other). She seems to be really happy though.
Now for the question. Though I don't know much about it, I've been reading and watching stuff on anal play for the last few months and I've brought it up jokingly to her. She seems to not like the idea but I've asked her if its on her "never will I ever" list of things she will never do and she said no. Now a few months have passed and I'm not sure if I should bring it up again. Not really sure on my next course of action. Any advice? Forget about what you see in porno, the actresses have days to prepare and they stretch out their assholes right up until they come onto the scene, all ready and lubed up. Do not think that real life has anything to do with that. This could take more time since she is now aware that you want anal sex. If she didn't have that warning this could have taken less time. It all depends on how comfortable she is about it. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. Very possible NSFW content + Show Spoiler +
Make your sex right now as kinky as possible. If all you do is missionary and you suddenly drop the anal bomb on her it's probably not gonna work. Taking baby steps towards anal. Not really sure what you're doing right now but you can do any combination of: blindfold, tie up her hands, tickle with feather, ice cubes, fruit, clothespins and then try different positions, maybe get drunk. Also give her massages, foot rubs, really take your time and let her feel safe and that she is much more to you than just for sex. This can take weeks.
After you have done all that and your sex is nice and lively you can start to slowly touch her anus.
Initiating anal touch would be best while you take showers together. Lather each other up, let her clean you and you clean her. Massage her whole body, taking your time, and then down to her butt cheeks and then just lightly slip a finger between her ass and brush against her asshole in a "I am cleaning you but you are sexy" kind of way. Make it short and light. Do not try to stick your finger in. If she doesn't seem to mind then do it a couple more times, and move onwards down her thigh, legs etc. The point is to not make it a big deal. If you can then makeout or bang in the shower. If she seems upset about anal touch then back off. The key is to slowly introduce anal sensations to her without her even realizing you are doing it to her.
Other times would be when you are banging or eating her out, and she starts to get near orgasm, just lightly making circles around her anus and then back off and let her cum. Usually she won't bring it up. Do this a few times when you have sex, this can take weeks. If she starts asking you after sex "hey what were you doing just now to my ass during sex?" just say something like "oh sorry girl, just caught up in the moment u know. why? you didn't like it?" Hopefully she will think about it a little and think it wasn't that bad. If she seems ok with it then go on to the next step.
When banging, best is doggy style but I'm sure other positions can be good too, when she is close to cumming, press a lubed finger (spit or pussy juice) on her anus and just slowly press it like a button, gently and firmly, maybe making small circles or other movements. Make her comfortable with this feeling and always be stimulating her vagina or clit in some way so that she will link the two sensations together. Again, try to do this while she is near cumming since most girls won't stop you at that time no matter what you are doing. If later on she is calm and asks you about it, admit to what you were doing but just shrug it off as something you didn't do deliberately. This can also take weeks.
If she finally seems comfortable with you touching her, you can try to put something in. This would also be the time to talk to her about anal play, saying how much it turns you on and how you will listen to her and stop when she asks to etc. Buy some lube, I like water based since if it goes thick and dry you can just spit on it. Oil based will get everywhere and takes ages to clean out. Start with something thin and smooth, a toy would be best since your finger is more textured and poop can get caught on your finger and that will most definitely freak her out and can set you back a lot of time. If you use your finger, put a condom over it. Going SLOWLY, don't even try to push too much, just gently massaging the area, the whole time fucking her slowly or licking her, using your hands on her belly, thigh or legs etc. Try to spread her attention as much as possible and not let her focus on her ass.
There are two sphincter muscles. The outer one you can see and she can consciously control, and the inner one she cannot control. Usually when it hurts it is the inner one that has not loosened up and it is being forced open. Ask her to push against the toy as if she is passing a bowel movement, this usually loosens the inner sphincter. If she cannot, then do not make a big fuss, just put everything aside and go back to vaginal sex and try another time. Once the toy slips past this part, the rest of it goes in rather easily, so do not rush. One small mistake and you hurting her could mean the end of your anal quest, she loses all the trust and sexual connections you have built up. Slip your toy in a little at a time, letting her get used to the feeling of something being inside her ass. There is no need to go very deep, the aim should be to gently loosen her sphincter muscle by using thicker objects. Again, butt plugs and sex toys are more suitable and safe for this reason.
Once you can get in a toy as thick as your dick, you can try getting your dick in. Too much lube is just the right amount of lube. Go slowly, a centimeter at a time, the whole time talking to her, asking if there is any pain, kissing her, caressing her, saying how good it feels, massage her clit, etc etc. If at any point she says to stop, do not pull out like an idiot, pull out very slowly as well. After you are completely inside, take a while for her to get used to it, and then start moving in short thrusts, very slowly. The anal membrane is very thin and tears easily, so go slowly. After a while she should be quite loose and you can go as fast as vaginal sex. Sometimes she can get even more loose, at which point it stops being any fun.
It is rather common for there to be a little blood, so don't freak out or anything if you two see any. If you two are squeamish about seeing poop then I would suggest a dark room with an old towel laid down, or even in the bathtub. Don't eat too much the day before. Light some scented candles to cover the smell of ass. And don't put anything that's been in her ass back into her vagina, bacteria and risk of infection.
Anyway good luck. Hope that helped.
O god. This is brilliant, I'm going for this.
Though when I heard of "putting a toy up there" I immediately saw a lubed-up Buzz Lightyear appear in front of my eyes. Rather disturbing.
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On January 28 2013 19:03 vgijamven wrote:+ Show Spoiler +My background: (spoilered to keep the post short) + Show Spoiler +I am a male unkissed virgin, 23 years old. Ever since I hit puberty I’ve been a very quiet and a bit of a anti-social person. Basically I was (and to some extend still am) the term “beta” personified. My looks are average at best, I’m fairly muscular, and I have 0 fashion sense. I spent a lot of my childhood playing games, and I basically spent all of my teenage years playing World of Warcraft with friends from my gymnasium (10 to 12th grade) class.
This has led to me not having many friends at all, altho the few friends that I have I am very close to. And I especially have never had any female friends or any experience in talking to women (besides my sister whom I’m also very close to).
My first encounter with love was brief during summer 2012, where I sort of fell in love with a woman at my summer job, but I quickly learned she was in fact a lesbian (that’s what I get for having a thing for women with short hair, eh?) so that love didn’t really have time to manifest, and I got over it quickly. Looking back, I think I basically fell in love with her because she was the first woman I’ve met who didn’t seem to mind talking to me, and looked at me for more than 0.1 seconds. (Full beta, or what?) So in August, I started a new education to become a .NET Software Engineer. In this class, there is this woman whom I sort of sit next to (one empty chair between us) furthest back in the classroom. I found her interesting from the beginning. During the autumn, I tried to find something to at least exchange some words with her every week, even though I had absolutely no idea how to talk to a girl. This went so-so. Anyhow, when the 3rd course started around the beginning of November, we had a group assignment in which she and I decided to form a group, together with 2 others. This is where we added each other on Skype and really started talking to each other. On Skype, she is very easy to talk to. It’s just as easy as talking to one of my closest friends. We can sometimes spend 1-3 hours talking about different stuff, asking each other questions and discussing stuff. In school it was still difficult to talk to her. Not only because I have no clue how to talk to women, but I also realized after a while that she wasn’t really giving good responses for me to work with, to start up a conversation. Her answers were usually short and concise, and during breaks she seemed more interested in doing stuff on her smartphone and/or computer than talking to me. (To this day, I don’t think she has taken any initiative in starting a face-to-face conversation in school, but she does it all the time in Skype chats.) After about a month, in the beginning of December, (on a Thursday evening) she mentions someone she refers to as her “date” she was going to meet that Friday evening. This is when I realized I was in love with her, as I felt the by now familiar feeling that is love, she had also introduced me to a new feeling – extreme jealousy. That weekend was one of my worst days of my life. Today, I haven’t seen her since 21st of December. She is hardworking and talented, but she’s doesn’t come to school very often. My problem:After Week 7 we are going on internships that last til summer. This means I won’t see her again until the end of August. The mere thought of this is tearing me apart from the inside. I think of her ALL the time. Furthermore, the penultimate/next to last day before we head off to our internships is Valentine’s Day here in Sweden. I can’t make my mind up if I’m gonna confess my feelings to her or not. With the Valentine’s Day timing, it almost feels “destined” to do so. But is there even a point to confessing your feelings to someone who already has a “special somebody”? Or is it even someone special? I have absolutely zero clue what a “date” is, or what her definition of the word is. I have no idea how serious they are in their “relationship”. I know they gave each other Christmas presents, that’s about it. Should I do it for the sake of myself, to hear her reject me so I can move on with my life? I’m 95% certain she has no feelings for me. The two scenarios:Don’t confess – I either “hope” her relationship doesn’t work and/or hope that she develops feelings for me over time. Or I dedicate this time where I won’t meet her to get over my feelings for her. Confess – Which approach do I take? The cautious one “I wanted to say that I like you and am interested in you.”, or do I take the full-hearted approach “I have been in love with you for 2 months. I think about you all the time - you are the first thought when I wake up and the last before I fall asleep.” If you read all this, thank you for your time. I tried to keep it short. Any advice would be appreciated, whatever that might be. I can’t really think straight when it comes to this woman.
So... You've been talking to this girl for a while and haven't even found out for sure if she's single or not? That's usually one of the first three topics of discussion when talking to a female you are interested in (unless at a club/bar, because you don't want to know then). I'm afraid you don't even know enough about this girl to be in love with her, hell, I don't even believe you know what "love" is. What this sounds like is a case of infatuation with her because she's actually given you the time of day.
That said, just ask her out. The worst she can say is no. Skype, text, in person, whatever. If she's more talkative on Skype, that's your best bet because maybe she has the same problem as you in person. This "man" shit some of these guys are spouting is nonsense. If a girl likes you, they don't give a fuck how you ask them out. If she's so superficial as to say "Oh, he didn't ask me out in person. He's not MAN enough for me!" then maybe she isn't for you...?
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On January 29 2013 09:29 Dosey wrote:Show nested quote +On January 28 2013 19:03 vgijamven wrote:+ Show Spoiler +My background: (spoilered to keep the post short) + Show Spoiler +I am a male unkissed virgin, 23 years old. Ever since I hit puberty I’ve been a very quiet and a bit of a anti-social person. Basically I was (and to some extend still am) the term “beta” personified. My looks are average at best, I’m fairly muscular, and I have 0 fashion sense. I spent a lot of my childhood playing games, and I basically spent all of my teenage years playing World of Warcraft with friends from my gymnasium (10 to 12th grade) class.
This has led to me not having many friends at all, altho the few friends that I have I am very close to. And I especially have never had any female friends or any experience in talking to women (besides my sister whom I’m also very close to).
My first encounter with love was brief during summer 2012, where I sort of fell in love with a woman at my summer job, but I quickly learned she was in fact a lesbian (that’s what I get for having a thing for women with short hair, eh?) so that love didn’t really have time to manifest, and I got over it quickly. Looking back, I think I basically fell in love with her because she was the first woman I’ve met who didn’t seem to mind talking to me, and looked at me for more than 0.1 seconds. (Full beta, or what?) So in August, I started a new education to become a .NET Software Engineer. In this class, there is this woman whom I sort of sit next to (one empty chair between us) furthest back in the classroom. I found her interesting from the beginning. During the autumn, I tried to find something to at least exchange some words with her every week, even though I had absolutely no idea how to talk to a girl. This went so-so. Anyhow, when the 3rd course started around the beginning of November, we had a group assignment in which she and I decided to form a group, together with 2 others. This is where we added each other on Skype and really started talking to each other. On Skype, she is very easy to talk to. It’s just as easy as talking to one of my closest friends. We can sometimes spend 1-3 hours talking about different stuff, asking each other questions and discussing stuff. In school it was still difficult to talk to her. Not only because I have no clue how to talk to women, but I also realized after a while that she wasn’t really giving good responses for me to work with, to start up a conversation. Her answers were usually short and concise, and during breaks she seemed more interested in doing stuff on her smartphone and/or computer than talking to me. (To this day, I don’t think she has taken any initiative in starting a face-to-face conversation in school, but she does it all the time in Skype chats.) After about a month, in the beginning of December, (on a Thursday evening) she mentions someone she refers to as her “date” she was going to meet that Friday evening. This is when I realized I was in love with her, as I felt the by now familiar feeling that is love, she had also introduced me to a new feeling – extreme jealousy. That weekend was one of my worst days of my life. Today, I haven’t seen her since 21st of December. She is hardworking and talented, but she’s doesn’t come to school very often. My problem:After Week 7 we are going on internships that last til summer. This means I won’t see her again until the end of August. The mere thought of this is tearing me apart from the inside. I think of her ALL the time. Furthermore, the penultimate/next to last day before we head off to our internships is Valentine’s Day here in Sweden. I can’t make my mind up if I’m gonna confess my feelings to her or not. With the Valentine’s Day timing, it almost feels “destined” to do so. But is there even a point to confessing your feelings to someone who already has a “special somebody”? Or is it even someone special? I have absolutely zero clue what a “date” is, or what her definition of the word is. I have no idea how serious they are in their “relationship”. I know they gave each other Christmas presents, that’s about it. Should I do it for the sake of myself, to hear her reject me so I can move on with my life? I’m 95% certain she has no feelings for me. The two scenarios:Don’t confess – I either “hope” her relationship doesn’t work and/or hope that she develops feelings for me over time. Or I dedicate this time where I won’t meet her to get over my feelings for her. Confess – Which approach do I take? The cautious one “I wanted to say that I like you and am interested in you.”, or do I take the full-hearted approach “I have been in love with you for 2 months. I think about you all the time - you are the first thought when I wake up and the last before I fall asleep.” If you read all this, thank you for your time. I tried to keep it short. Any advice would be appreciated, whatever that might be. I can’t really think straight when it comes to this woman. So... You've been talking to this girl for a while and haven't even found out for sure if she's single or not? That's usually one of the first three topics of discussion when talking to a female you are interested in (unless at a club/bar, because you don't want to know then). I'm afraid you don't even know enough about this girl to be in love with her, hell, I don't even believe you know what "love" is. What this sounds like is a case of infatuation with her because she's actually given you the time of day. That said, just ask her out. The worst she can say is no. Skype, text, in person, whatever. If she's more talkative on Skype, that's your best bet because maybe she has the same problem as you in person. This "man" shit some of these guys are spouting is nonsense. If a girl likes you, they don't give a fuck how you ask them out. If she's so superficial as to say "Oh, he didn't ask me out in person. He's not MAN enough for me!" then maybe she isn't for you...?
I might have exaggerated the "bad" part of asking her out on skype, but you're underexaggerating it... having the balls to ask somebody in person is always much better than sending them a message where you can crawl into a corner if you get rejected. If we're spouting about how confidence attracts women, starting a relationship in a way that give you a "get away from the conversation free" card isn't the best way to do it.
Either confidence attracts women, or it doesn't. If it does, then you should be as confident as possible from the get go - i.e. talk to her face to face. Now, if for some reason you both absolutely fail at human conversation, then people go to skype sometimes. But generally, face to face is considered better.
Although I do agree that it is infatuation. It's pretty hard to go from never having dated somebody to totally in love that quickly imo.
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On January 29 2013 09:42 Alryk wrote:Show nested quote +On January 29 2013 09:29 Dosey wrote:On January 28 2013 19:03 vgijamven wrote:+ Show Spoiler +My background: (spoilered to keep the post short) + Show Spoiler +I am a male unkissed virgin, 23 years old. Ever since I hit puberty I’ve been a very quiet and a bit of a anti-social person. Basically I was (and to some extend still am) the term “beta” personified. My looks are average at best, I’m fairly muscular, and I have 0 fashion sense. I spent a lot of my childhood playing games, and I basically spent all of my teenage years playing World of Warcraft with friends from my gymnasium (10 to 12th grade) class.
This has led to me not having many friends at all, altho the few friends that I have I am very close to. And I especially have never had any female friends or any experience in talking to women (besides my sister whom I’m also very close to).
My first encounter with love was brief during summer 2012, where I sort of fell in love with a woman at my summer job, but I quickly learned she was in fact a lesbian (that’s what I get for having a thing for women with short hair, eh?) so that love didn’t really have time to manifest, and I got over it quickly. Looking back, I think I basically fell in love with her because she was the first woman I’ve met who didn’t seem to mind talking to me, and looked at me for more than 0.1 seconds. (Full beta, or what?) So in August, I started a new education to become a .NET Software Engineer. In this class, there is this woman whom I sort of sit next to (one empty chair between us) furthest back in the classroom. I found her interesting from the beginning. During the autumn, I tried to find something to at least exchange some words with her every week, even though I had absolutely no idea how to talk to a girl. This went so-so. Anyhow, when the 3rd course started around the beginning of November, we had a group assignment in which she and I decided to form a group, together with 2 others. This is where we added each other on Skype and really started talking to each other. On Skype, she is very easy to talk to. It’s just as easy as talking to one of my closest friends. We can sometimes spend 1-3 hours talking about different stuff, asking each other questions and discussing stuff. In school it was still difficult to talk to her. Not only because I have no clue how to talk to women, but I also realized after a while that she wasn’t really giving good responses for me to work with, to start up a conversation. Her answers were usually short and concise, and during breaks she seemed more interested in doing stuff on her smartphone and/or computer than talking to me. (To this day, I don’t think she has taken any initiative in starting a face-to-face conversation in school, but she does it all the time in Skype chats.) After about a month, in the beginning of December, (on a Thursday evening) she mentions someone she refers to as her “date” she was going to meet that Friday evening. This is when I realized I was in love with her, as I felt the by now familiar feeling that is love, she had also introduced me to a new feeling – extreme jealousy. That weekend was one of my worst days of my life. Today, I haven’t seen her since 21st of December. She is hardworking and talented, but she’s doesn’t come to school very often. My problem:After Week 7 we are going on internships that last til summer. This means I won’t see her again until the end of August. The mere thought of this is tearing me apart from the inside. I think of her ALL the time. Furthermore, the penultimate/next to last day before we head off to our internships is Valentine’s Day here in Sweden. I can’t make my mind up if I’m gonna confess my feelings to her or not. With the Valentine’s Day timing, it almost feels “destined” to do so. But is there even a point to confessing your feelings to someone who already has a “special somebody”? Or is it even someone special? I have absolutely zero clue what a “date” is, or what her definition of the word is. I have no idea how serious they are in their “relationship”. I know they gave each other Christmas presents, that’s about it. Should I do it for the sake of myself, to hear her reject me so I can move on with my life? I’m 95% certain she has no feelings for me. The two scenarios:Don’t confess – I either “hope” her relationship doesn’t work and/or hope that she develops feelings for me over time. Or I dedicate this time where I won’t meet her to get over my feelings for her. Confess – Which approach do I take? The cautious one “I wanted to say that I like you and am interested in you.”, or do I take the full-hearted approach “I have been in love with you for 2 months. I think about you all the time - you are the first thought when I wake up and the last before I fall asleep.” If you read all this, thank you for your time. I tried to keep it short. Any advice would be appreciated, whatever that might be. I can’t really think straight when it comes to this woman. So... You've been talking to this girl for a while and haven't even found out for sure if she's single or not? That's usually one of the first three topics of discussion when talking to a female you are interested in (unless at a club/bar, because you don't want to know then). I'm afraid you don't even know enough about this girl to be in love with her, hell, I don't even believe you know what "love" is. What this sounds like is a case of infatuation with her because she's actually given you the time of day. That said, just ask her out. The worst she can say is no. Skype, text, in person, whatever. If she's more talkative on Skype, that's your best bet because maybe she has the same problem as you in person. This "man" shit some of these guys are spouting is nonsense. If a girl likes you, they don't give a fuck how you ask them out. If she's so superficial as to say "Oh, he didn't ask me out in person. He's not MAN enough for me!" then maybe she isn't for you...? I might have exaggerated the "bad" part of asking her out on skype, but you're underexaggerating it... having the balls to ask somebody in person is always much better than sending them a message where you can crawl into a corner if you get rejected. If we're spouting about how confidence attracts women, starting a relationship in a way that give you a "get away from the conversation free" card isn't the best way to do it. Either confidence attracts women, or it doesn't. If it does, then you should be as confident as possible from the get go - i.e. talk to her face to face. Now, if for some reason you both absolutely fail at human conversation, then people go to skype sometimes. But generally, face to face is considered better. Although I do agree that it is infatuation. It's pretty hard to go from never having dated somebody to totally in love that quickly imo.
The way he described her and the way she talks to him on skype/in person. Skype is absolutely his best bet. If he gets her where they are both uncomfortable, it creates the least favorable situation for the both of them. Asking a girl out isn't just about confidence. It's about being able to read the situations properly and executing your objective based on your reads. Much like sales.
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On January 29 2013 10:06 Dosey wrote:Show nested quote +On January 29 2013 09:42 Alryk wrote:On January 29 2013 09:29 Dosey wrote:On January 28 2013 19:03 vgijamven wrote:+ Show Spoiler +My background: (spoilered to keep the post short) + Show Spoiler +I am a male unkissed virgin, 23 years old. Ever since I hit puberty I’ve been a very quiet and a bit of a anti-social person. Basically I was (and to some extend still am) the term “beta” personified. My looks are average at best, I’m fairly muscular, and I have 0 fashion sense. I spent a lot of my childhood playing games, and I basically spent all of my teenage years playing World of Warcraft with friends from my gymnasium (10 to 12th grade) class.
This has led to me not having many friends at all, altho the few friends that I have I am very close to. And I especially have never had any female friends or any experience in talking to women (besides my sister whom I’m also very close to).
My first encounter with love was brief during summer 2012, where I sort of fell in love with a woman at my summer job, but I quickly learned she was in fact a lesbian (that’s what I get for having a thing for women with short hair, eh?) so that love didn’t really have time to manifest, and I got over it quickly. Looking back, I think I basically fell in love with her because she was the first woman I’ve met who didn’t seem to mind talking to me, and looked at me for more than 0.1 seconds. (Full beta, or what?) So in August, I started a new education to become a .NET Software Engineer. In this class, there is this woman whom I sort of sit next to (one empty chair between us) furthest back in the classroom. I found her interesting from the beginning. During the autumn, I tried to find something to at least exchange some words with her every week, even though I had absolutely no idea how to talk to a girl. This went so-so. Anyhow, when the 3rd course started around the beginning of November, we had a group assignment in which she and I decided to form a group, together with 2 others. This is where we added each other on Skype and really started talking to each other. On Skype, she is very easy to talk to. It’s just as easy as talking to one of my closest friends. We can sometimes spend 1-3 hours talking about different stuff, asking each other questions and discussing stuff. In school it was still difficult to talk to her. Not only because I have no clue how to talk to women, but I also realized after a while that she wasn’t really giving good responses for me to work with, to start up a conversation. Her answers were usually short and concise, and during breaks she seemed more interested in doing stuff on her smartphone and/or computer than talking to me. (To this day, I don’t think she has taken any initiative in starting a face-to-face conversation in school, but she does it all the time in Skype chats.) After about a month, in the beginning of December, (on a Thursday evening) she mentions someone she refers to as her “date” she was going to meet that Friday evening. This is when I realized I was in love with her, as I felt the by now familiar feeling that is love, she had also introduced me to a new feeling – extreme jealousy. That weekend was one of my worst days of my life. Today, I haven’t seen her since 21st of December. She is hardworking and talented, but she’s doesn’t come to school very often. My problem:After Week 7 we are going on internships that last til summer. This means I won’t see her again until the end of August. The mere thought of this is tearing me apart from the inside. I think of her ALL the time. Furthermore, the penultimate/next to last day before we head off to our internships is Valentine’s Day here in Sweden. I can’t make my mind up if I’m gonna confess my feelings to her or not. With the Valentine’s Day timing, it almost feels “destined” to do so. But is there even a point to confessing your feelings to someone who already has a “special somebody”? Or is it even someone special? I have absolutely zero clue what a “date” is, or what her definition of the word is. I have no idea how serious they are in their “relationship”. I know they gave each other Christmas presents, that’s about it. Should I do it for the sake of myself, to hear her reject me so I can move on with my life? I’m 95% certain she has no feelings for me. The two scenarios:Don’t confess – I either “hope” her relationship doesn’t work and/or hope that she develops feelings for me over time. Or I dedicate this time where I won’t meet her to get over my feelings for her. Confess – Which approach do I take? The cautious one “I wanted to say that I like you and am interested in you.”, or do I take the full-hearted approach “I have been in love with you for 2 months. I think about you all the time - you are the first thought when I wake up and the last before I fall asleep.” If you read all this, thank you for your time. I tried to keep it short. Any advice would be appreciated, whatever that might be. I can’t really think straight when it comes to this woman. So... You've been talking to this girl for a while and haven't even found out for sure if she's single or not? That's usually one of the first three topics of discussion when talking to a female you are interested in (unless at a club/bar, because you don't want to know then). I'm afraid you don't even know enough about this girl to be in love with her, hell, I don't even believe you know what "love" is. What this sounds like is a case of infatuation with her because she's actually given you the time of day. That said, just ask her out. The worst she can say is no. Skype, text, in person, whatever. If she's more talkative on Skype, that's your best bet because maybe she has the same problem as you in person. This "man" shit some of these guys are spouting is nonsense. If a girl likes you, they don't give a fuck how you ask them out. If she's so superficial as to say "Oh, he didn't ask me out in person. He's not MAN enough for me!" then maybe she isn't for you...? I might have exaggerated the "bad" part of asking her out on skype, but you're underexaggerating it... having the balls to ask somebody in person is always much better than sending them a message where you can crawl into a corner if you get rejected. If we're spouting about how confidence attracts women, starting a relationship in a way that give you a "get away from the conversation free" card isn't the best way to do it. Either confidence attracts women, or it doesn't. If it does, then you should be as confident as possible from the get go - i.e. talk to her face to face. Now, if for some reason you both absolutely fail at human conversation, then people go to skype sometimes. But generally, face to face is considered better. Although I do agree that it is infatuation. It's pretty hard to go from never having dated somebody to totally in love that quickly imo. The way he described her and the way she talks to him on skype/in person. Skype is absolutely his best bet. If he gets her where they are both uncomfortable, it creates the least favorable situation for the both of them. Asking a girl out isn't just about confidence. It's about being able to read the situations properly and executing your objective based on your reads. Much like sales.
I feel like it would just create an even worse in-person situation though because as far as I can tell they've never had any meaningful contact in person which would make the first date really awkward.
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Not that great. I have absolutely no fear talking to girls, I'm as confident in myself as I need to be, I'm fairly handsome, have a successful career, super nice, most people tell me I'm very funny, awesome friend to all my friends.
Girls just aren't that into me. I even dress nice and shit. The last.. dozen or so girls I've dated / tried to date have friendzoned me before the first date, after the first date (which always seems to go fine), and over half of them have gotten back together with ex's.
In fact, most of the time so far they've gone back to an ex-boyfriend in the first 2 weeks of knowing me. That's some shit.
I dunno what to do really, might try online dating. I'm 23, my job doesn't give me a lot of free time to meet women (software engineer living far away from where I want to be).
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On January 29 2013 10:06 Dosey wrote:Show nested quote +On January 29 2013 09:42 Alryk wrote:On January 29 2013 09:29 Dosey wrote:On January 28 2013 19:03 vgijamven wrote:+ Show Spoiler +My background: (spoilered to keep the post short) + Show Spoiler +I am a male unkissed virgin, 23 years old. Ever since I hit puberty I’ve been a very quiet and a bit of a anti-social person. Basically I was (and to some extend still am) the term “beta” personified. My looks are average at best, I’m fairly muscular, and I have 0 fashion sense. I spent a lot of my childhood playing games, and I basically spent all of my teenage years playing World of Warcraft with friends from my gymnasium (10 to 12th grade) class.
This has led to me not having many friends at all, altho the few friends that I have I am very close to. And I especially have never had any female friends or any experience in talking to women (besides my sister whom I’m also very close to).
My first encounter with love was brief during summer 2012, where I sort of fell in love with a woman at my summer job, but I quickly learned she was in fact a lesbian (that’s what I get for having a thing for women with short hair, eh?) so that love didn’t really have time to manifest, and I got over it quickly. Looking back, I think I basically fell in love with her because she was the first woman I’ve met who didn’t seem to mind talking to me, and looked at me for more than 0.1 seconds. (Full beta, or what?) So in August, I started a new education to become a .NET Software Engineer. In this class, there is this woman whom I sort of sit next to (one empty chair between us) furthest back in the classroom. I found her interesting from the beginning. During the autumn, I tried to find something to at least exchange some words with her every week, even though I had absolutely no idea how to talk to a girl. This went so-so. Anyhow, when the 3rd course started around the beginning of November, we had a group assignment in which she and I decided to form a group, together with 2 others. This is where we added each other on Skype and really started talking to each other. On Skype, she is very easy to talk to. It’s just as easy as talking to one of my closest friends. We can sometimes spend 1-3 hours talking about different stuff, asking each other questions and discussing stuff. In school it was still difficult to talk to her. Not only because I have no clue how to talk to women, but I also realized after a while that she wasn’t really giving good responses for me to work with, to start up a conversation. Her answers were usually short and concise, and during breaks she seemed more interested in doing stuff on her smartphone and/or computer than talking to me. (To this day, I don’t think she has taken any initiative in starting a face-to-face conversation in school, but she does it all the time in Skype chats.) After about a month, in the beginning of December, (on a Thursday evening) she mentions someone she refers to as her “date” she was going to meet that Friday evening. This is when I realized I was in love with her, as I felt the by now familiar feeling that is love, she had also introduced me to a new feeling – extreme jealousy. That weekend was one of my worst days of my life. Today, I haven’t seen her since 21st of December. She is hardworking and talented, but she’s doesn’t come to school very often. My problem:After Week 7 we are going on internships that last til summer. This means I won’t see her again until the end of August. The mere thought of this is tearing me apart from the inside. I think of her ALL the time. Furthermore, the penultimate/next to last day before we head off to our internships is Valentine’s Day here in Sweden. I can’t make my mind up if I’m gonna confess my feelings to her or not. With the Valentine’s Day timing, it almost feels “destined” to do so. But is there even a point to confessing your feelings to someone who already has a “special somebody”? Or is it even someone special? I have absolutely zero clue what a “date” is, or what her definition of the word is. I have no idea how serious they are in their “relationship”. I know they gave each other Christmas presents, that’s about it. Should I do it for the sake of myself, to hear her reject me so I can move on with my life? I’m 95% certain she has no feelings for me. The two scenarios:Don’t confess – I either “hope” her relationship doesn’t work and/or hope that she develops feelings for me over time. Or I dedicate this time where I won’t meet her to get over my feelings for her. Confess – Which approach do I take? The cautious one “I wanted to say that I like you and am interested in you.”, or do I take the full-hearted approach “I have been in love with you for 2 months. I think about you all the time - you are the first thought when I wake up and the last before I fall asleep.” If you read all this, thank you for your time. I tried to keep it short. Any advice would be appreciated, whatever that might be. I can’t really think straight when it comes to this woman. So... You've been talking to this girl for a while and haven't even found out for sure if she's single or not? That's usually one of the first three topics of discussion when talking to a female you are interested in (unless at a club/bar, because you don't want to know then). I'm afraid you don't even know enough about this girl to be in love with her, hell, I don't even believe you know what "love" is. What this sounds like is a case of infatuation with her because she's actually given you the time of day. That said, just ask her out. The worst she can say is no. Skype, text, in person, whatever. If she's more talkative on Skype, that's your best bet because maybe she has the same problem as you in person. This "man" shit some of these guys are spouting is nonsense. If a girl likes you, they don't give a fuck how you ask them out. If she's so superficial as to say "Oh, he didn't ask me out in person. He's not MAN enough for me!" then maybe she isn't for you...? I might have exaggerated the "bad" part of asking her out on skype, but you're underexaggerating it... having the balls to ask somebody in person is always much better than sending them a message where you can crawl into a corner if you get rejected. If we're spouting about how confidence attracts women, starting a relationship in a way that give you a "get away from the conversation free" card isn't the best way to do it. Either confidence attracts women, or it doesn't. If it does, then you should be as confident as possible from the get go - i.e. talk to her face to face. Now, if for some reason you both absolutely fail at human conversation, then people go to skype sometimes. But generally, face to face is considered better. Although I do agree that it is infatuation. It's pretty hard to go from never having dated somebody to totally in love that quickly imo. The way he described her and the way she talks to him on skype/in person. Skype is absolutely his best bet. If he gets her where they are both uncomfortable, it creates the least favorable situation for the both of them. Asking a girl out isn't just about confidence. It's about being able to read the situations properly and executing your objective based on your reads. Much like sales.
But if he can't ask her out on person, how is he supposed to go on a full-out date in person? Even if it's something as simple as coffee 1 on 1. He's going to have to face her in person sooner or later, and if he can't ask her out like that, it will just make for an awkward date.
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askign her skype or face to face, you guys are fussing over a small detail. that he actually goes on a date with her is far more important -- and of course, how he handles himself on that occasion. if he acts alright during the date, shes not going to remember how he asked her at all... and if he screws up, he never had a chance to begin with...
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On January 29 2013 11:21 phosphorylation wrote:
askign her skype or face to face, you guys are fussing over a small detail. that he actually goes on a date with her is far more important -- and of course, how he handles himself on that occasion. if he acts alright during the date, shes not going to remember how he asked her at all... and if he screws up, he never had a chance to begin with...
As true as that is, isn't asking her face to face, a good way to get over the first "hump" of having a moderately meaningful conversation, considering it would be weird to just ask out of the blue, so they'll probably having been chatting for a few minutes (face or skype).
I mean he's right, to whoever this is adressed towards. If you ask her out on skype and have a great date, it doesn't matter. But if you think you have trouble talking to her face to face, just remember that a date is only that.
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On January 29 2013 10:40 Kich wrote:
Not that great. I have absolutely no fear talking to girls, I'm as confident in myself as I need to be, I'm fairly handsome, have a successful career, super nice, most people tell me I'm very funny, awesome friend to all my friends.
Girls just aren't that into me. I even dress nice and shit. The last.. dozen or so girls I've dated / tried to date have friendzoned me before the first date, after the first date (which always seems to go fine), and over half of them have gotten back together with ex's.
In fact, most of the time so far they've gone back to an ex-boyfriend in the first 2 weeks of knowing me. That's some shit.
I dunno what to do really, might try online dating. I'm 23, my job doesn't give me a lot of free time to meet women (software engineer living far away from where I want to be).
You're 23? You need to go to your local clubs and bars and start meeting women. By meeting I mean building instant attraction with them, and sleeping with them within the first few days of knowing them. Most people decide they are attracted to a member of the opposite sex within a few seconds of meeting them or even when they first see them. Other times it may take a few minutes to an hour before the attraction builds. It's not all about looks either but more the way you compose yourself.
So what does this mean? This means you can go out and meet women, find the ones you are attracted to, see if they are attracted to you (no means no), keep that attractive frame that attracted her in the first place, set up a date if it's not logistically possible to hang with her right then, and then keep pushing for what you want (sex; yes we all want sex. Even she wants sex... with the right guy of course), but remember that if she gets a little freaked out or uncomfortable, you can always back off. (it shows you know what your doing and you understand your limits, also attractive).
Do this enough and you can date multiple women, find one you really really like, choose her among the others, and have a nice relationship with stunning girl!
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On January 29 2013 11:28 FeUerFlieGe wrote:Show nested quote +On January 29 2013 10:40 Kich wrote:
Not that great. I have absolutely no fear talking to girls, I'm as confident in myself as I need to be, I'm fairly handsome, have a successful career, super nice, most people tell me I'm very funny, awesome friend to all my friends.
Girls just aren't that into me. I even dress nice and shit. The last.. dozen or so girls I've dated / tried to date have friendzoned me before the first date, after the first date (which always seems to go fine), and over half of them have gotten back together with ex's.
In fact, most of the time so far they've gone back to an ex-boyfriend in the first 2 weeks of knowing me. That's some shit.
I dunno what to do really, might try online dating. I'm 23, my job doesn't give me a lot of free time to meet women (software engineer living far away from where I want to be). By meeting I mean building instant attraction with them
Sounds like you read a book and you're sticking to it.
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On January 29 2013 10:50 Alryk wrote:Show nested quote +On January 29 2013 10:06 Dosey wrote:On January 29 2013 09:42 Alryk wrote:On January 29 2013 09:29 Dosey wrote:On January 28 2013 19:03 vgijamven wrote:+ Show Spoiler +My background: (spoilered to keep the post short) + Show Spoiler +I am a male unkissed virgin, 23 years old. Ever since I hit puberty I’ve been a very quiet and a bit of a anti-social person. Basically I was (and to some extend still am) the term “beta” personified. My looks are average at best, I’m fairly muscular, and I have 0 fashion sense. I spent a lot of my childhood playing games, and I basically spent all of my teenage years playing World of Warcraft with friends from my gymnasium (10 to 12th grade) class.
This has led to me not having many friends at all, altho the few friends that I have I am very close to. And I especially have never had any female friends or any experience in talking to women (besides my sister whom I’m also very close to).
My first encounter with love was brief during summer 2012, where I sort of fell in love with a woman at my summer job, but I quickly learned she was in fact a lesbian (that’s what I get for having a thing for women with short hair, eh?) so that love didn’t really have time to manifest, and I got over it quickly. Looking back, I think I basically fell in love with her because she was the first woman I’ve met who didn’t seem to mind talking to me, and looked at me for more than 0.1 seconds. (Full beta, or what?) So in August, I started a new education to become a .NET Software Engineer. In this class, there is this woman whom I sort of sit next to (one empty chair between us) furthest back in the classroom. I found her interesting from the beginning. During the autumn, I tried to find something to at least exchange some words with her every week, even though I had absolutely no idea how to talk to a girl. This went so-so. Anyhow, when the 3rd course started around the beginning of November, we had a group assignment in which she and I decided to form a group, together with 2 others. This is where we added each other on Skype and really started talking to each other. On Skype, she is very easy to talk to. It’s just as easy as talking to one of my closest friends. We can sometimes spend 1-3 hours talking about different stuff, asking each other questions and discussing stuff. In school it was still difficult to talk to her. Not only because I have no clue how to talk to women, but I also realized after a while that she wasn’t really giving good responses for me to work with, to start up a conversation. Her answers were usually short and concise, and during breaks she seemed more interested in doing stuff on her smartphone and/or computer than talking to me. (To this day, I don’t think she has taken any initiative in starting a face-to-face conversation in school, but she does it all the time in Skype chats.) After about a month, in the beginning of December, (on a Thursday evening) she mentions someone she refers to as her “date” she was going to meet that Friday evening. This is when I realized I was in love with her, as I felt the by now familiar feeling that is love, she had also introduced me to a new feeling – extreme jealousy. That weekend was one of my worst days of my life. Today, I haven’t seen her since 21st of December. She is hardworking and talented, but she’s doesn’t come to school very often. My problem:After Week 7 we are going on internships that last til summer. This means I won’t see her again until the end of August. The mere thought of this is tearing me apart from the inside. I think of her ALL the time. Furthermore, the penultimate/next to last day before we head off to our internships is Valentine’s Day here in Sweden. I can’t make my mind up if I’m gonna confess my feelings to her or not. With the Valentine’s Day timing, it almost feels “destined” to do so. But is there even a point to confessing your feelings to someone who already has a “special somebody”? Or is it even someone special? I have absolutely zero clue what a “date” is, or what her definition of the word is. I have no idea how serious they are in their “relationship”. I know they gave each other Christmas presents, that’s about it. Should I do it for the sake of myself, to hear her reject me so I can move on with my life? I’m 95% certain she has no feelings for me. The two scenarios:Don’t confess – I either “hope” her relationship doesn’t work and/or hope that she develops feelings for me over time. Or I dedicate this time where I won’t meet her to get over my feelings for her. Confess – Which approach do I take? The cautious one “I wanted to say that I like you and am interested in you.”, or do I take the full-hearted approach “I have been in love with you for 2 months. I think about you all the time - you are the first thought when I wake up and the last before I fall asleep.” If you read all this, thank you for your time. I tried to keep it short. Any advice would be appreciated, whatever that might be. I can’t really think straight when it comes to this woman. So... You've been talking to this girl for a while and haven't even found out for sure if she's single or not? That's usually one of the first three topics of discussion when talking to a female you are interested in (unless at a club/bar, because you don't want to know then). I'm afraid you don't even know enough about this girl to be in love with her, hell, I don't even believe you know what "love" is. What this sounds like is a case of infatuation with her because she's actually given you the time of day. That said, just ask her out. The worst she can say is no. Skype, text, in person, whatever. If she's more talkative on Skype, that's your best bet because maybe she has the same problem as you in person. This "man" shit some of these guys are spouting is nonsense. If a girl likes you, they don't give a fuck how you ask them out. If she's so superficial as to say "Oh, he didn't ask me out in person. He's not MAN enough for me!" then maybe she isn't for you...? I might have exaggerated the "bad" part of asking her out on skype, but you're underexaggerating it... having the balls to ask somebody in person is always much better than sending them a message where you can crawl into a corner if you get rejected. If we're spouting about how confidence attracts women, starting a relationship in a way that give you a "get away from the conversation free" card isn't the best way to do it. Either confidence attracts women, or it doesn't. If it does, then you should be as confident as possible from the get go - i.e. talk to her face to face. Now, if for some reason you both absolutely fail at human conversation, then people go to skype sometimes. But generally, face to face is considered better. Although I do agree that it is infatuation. It's pretty hard to go from never having dated somebody to totally in love that quickly imo. The way he described her and the way she talks to him on skype/in person. Skype is absolutely his best bet. If he gets her where they are both uncomfortable, it creates the least favorable situation for the both of them. Asking a girl out isn't just about confidence. It's about being able to read the situations properly and executing your objective based on your reads. Much like sales. But if he can't ask her out on person, how is he supposed to go on a full-out date in person? Even if it's something as simple as coffee 1 on 1. He's going to have to face her in person sooner or later, and if he can't ask her out like that, it will just make for an awkward date.
Getting the "yes" is the first step. It doesn't matter how he gets it. The next part (a successful "date") is totally up to him. Personally, I don't consider anything less than a $200 night at a restaurant a date. Everything else is just two friends hanging out/feeling each other out. If he just looks at it that way, that might take some pressure off as well.
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On January 29 2013 11:51 Dosey wrote:Show nested quote +On January 29 2013 10:50 Alryk wrote:On January 29 2013 10:06 Dosey wrote:On January 29 2013 09:42 Alryk wrote:On January 29 2013 09:29 Dosey wrote:On January 28 2013 19:03 vgijamven wrote:+ Show Spoiler +My background: (spoilered to keep the post short) + Show Spoiler +I am a male unkissed virgin, 23 years old. Ever since I hit puberty I’ve been a very quiet and a bit of a anti-social person. Basically I was (and to some extend still am) the term “beta” personified. My looks are average at best, I’m fairly muscular, and I have 0 fashion sense. I spent a lot of my childhood playing games, and I basically spent all of my teenage years playing World of Warcraft with friends from my gymnasium (10 to 12th grade) class.
This has led to me not having many friends at all, altho the few friends that I have I am very close to. And I especially have never had any female friends or any experience in talking to women (besides my sister whom I’m also very close to).
My first encounter with love was brief during summer 2012, where I sort of fell in love with a woman at my summer job, but I quickly learned she was in fact a lesbian (that’s what I get for having a thing for women with short hair, eh?) so that love didn’t really have time to manifest, and I got over it quickly. Looking back, I think I basically fell in love with her because she was the first woman I’ve met who didn’t seem to mind talking to me, and looked at me for more than 0.1 seconds. (Full beta, or what?) So in August, I started a new education to become a .NET Software Engineer. In this class, there is this woman whom I sort of sit next to (one empty chair between us) furthest back in the classroom. I found her interesting from the beginning. During the autumn, I tried to find something to at least exchange some words with her every week, even though I had absolutely no idea how to talk to a girl. This went so-so. Anyhow, when the 3rd course started around the beginning of November, we had a group assignment in which she and I decided to form a group, together with 2 others. This is where we added each other on Skype and really started talking to each other. On Skype, she is very easy to talk to. It’s just as easy as talking to one of my closest friends. We can sometimes spend 1-3 hours talking about different stuff, asking each other questions and discussing stuff. In school it was still difficult to talk to her. Not only because I have no clue how to talk to women, but I also realized after a while that she wasn’t really giving good responses for me to work with, to start up a conversation. Her answers were usually short and concise, and during breaks she seemed more interested in doing stuff on her smartphone and/or computer than talking to me. (To this day, I don’t think she has taken any initiative in starting a face-to-face conversation in school, but she does it all the time in Skype chats.) After about a month, in the beginning of December, (on a Thursday evening) she mentions someone she refers to as her “date” she was going to meet that Friday evening. This is when I realized I was in love with her, as I felt the by now familiar feeling that is love, she had also introduced me to a new feeling – extreme jealousy. That weekend was one of my worst days of my life. Today, I haven’t seen her since 21st of December. She is hardworking and talented, but she’s doesn’t come to school very often. My problem:After Week 7 we are going on internships that last til summer. This means I won’t see her again until the end of August. The mere thought of this is tearing me apart from the inside. I think of her ALL the time. Furthermore, the penultimate/next to last day before we head off to our internships is Valentine’s Day here in Sweden. I can’t make my mind up if I’m gonna confess my feelings to her or not. With the Valentine’s Day timing, it almost feels “destined” to do so. But is there even a point to confessing your feelings to someone who already has a “special somebody”? Or is it even someone special? I have absolutely zero clue what a “date” is, or what her definition of the word is. I have no idea how serious they are in their “relationship”. I know they gave each other Christmas presents, that’s about it. Should I do it for the sake of myself, to hear her reject me so I can move on with my life? I’m 95% certain she has no feelings for me. The two scenarios:Don’t confess – I either “hope” her relationship doesn’t work and/or hope that she develops feelings for me over time. Or I dedicate this time where I won’t meet her to get over my feelings for her. Confess – Which approach do I take? The cautious one “I wanted to say that I like you and am interested in you.”, or do I take the full-hearted approach “I have been in love with you for 2 months. I think about you all the time - you are the first thought when I wake up and the last before I fall asleep.” If you read all this, thank you for your time. I tried to keep it short. Any advice would be appreciated, whatever that might be. I can’t really think straight when it comes to this woman. So... You've been talking to this girl for a while and haven't even found out for sure if she's single or not? That's usually one of the first three topics of discussion when talking to a female you are interested in (unless at a club/bar, because you don't want to know then). I'm afraid you don't even know enough about this girl to be in love with her, hell, I don't even believe you know what "love" is. What this sounds like is a case of infatuation with her because she's actually given you the time of day. That said, just ask her out. The worst she can say is no. Skype, text, in person, whatever. If she's more talkative on Skype, that's your best bet because maybe she has the same problem as you in person. This "man" shit some of these guys are spouting is nonsense. If a girl likes you, they don't give a fuck how you ask them out. If she's so superficial as to say "Oh, he didn't ask me out in person. He's not MAN enough for me!" then maybe she isn't for you...? I might have exaggerated the "bad" part of asking her out on skype, but you're underexaggerating it... having the balls to ask somebody in person is always much better than sending them a message where you can crawl into a corner if you get rejected. If we're spouting about how confidence attracts women, starting a relationship in a way that give you a "get away from the conversation free" card isn't the best way to do it. Either confidence attracts women, or it doesn't. If it does, then you should be as confident as possible from the get go - i.e. talk to her face to face. Now, if for some reason you both absolutely fail at human conversation, then people go to skype sometimes. But generally, face to face is considered better. Although I do agree that it is infatuation. It's pretty hard to go from never having dated somebody to totally in love that quickly imo. The way he described her and the way she talks to him on skype/in person. Skype is absolutely his best bet. If he gets her where they are both uncomfortable, it creates the least favorable situation for the both of them. Asking a girl out isn't just about confidence. It's about being able to read the situations properly and executing your objective based on your reads. Much like sales. But if he can't ask her out on person, how is he supposed to go on a full-out date in person? Even if it's something as simple as coffee 1 on 1. He's going to have to face her in person sooner or later, and if he can't ask her out like that, it will just make for an awkward date. Getting the "yes" is the first step. It doesn't matter how he gets it. The next part (a successful "date") is totally up to him. Personally, I don't consider anything less than a $200 night at a restaurant a date. Everything else is just two friends hanging out/feeling each other out. If he just looks at it that way, that might take some pressure off as well.
I dont really agree with this bolded part but... if i were in his shoes, indeed I would not consider this a "date," and instead just hanging out. That would put him in the right mindset to approach this.
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On January 29 2013 11:51 Dosey wrote:Show nested quote +On January 29 2013 10:50 Alryk wrote:On January 29 2013 10:06 Dosey wrote:On January 29 2013 09:42 Alryk wrote:On January 29 2013 09:29 Dosey wrote:On January 28 2013 19:03 vgijamven wrote:+ Show Spoiler +My background: (spoilered to keep the post short) + Show Spoiler +I am a male unkissed virgin, 23 years old. Ever since I hit puberty I’ve been a very quiet and a bit of a anti-social person. Basically I was (and to some extend still am) the term “beta” personified. My looks are average at best, I’m fairly muscular, and I have 0 fashion sense. I spent a lot of my childhood playing games, and I basically spent all of my teenage years playing World of Warcraft with friends from my gymnasium (10 to 12th grade) class.
This has led to me not having many friends at all, altho the few friends that I have I am very close to. And I especially have never had any female friends or any experience in talking to women (besides my sister whom I’m also very close to).
My first encounter with love was brief during summer 2012, where I sort of fell in love with a woman at my summer job, but I quickly learned she was in fact a lesbian (that’s what I get for having a thing for women with short hair, eh?) so that love didn’t really have time to manifest, and I got over it quickly. Looking back, I think I basically fell in love with her because she was the first woman I’ve met who didn’t seem to mind talking to me, and looked at me for more than 0.1 seconds. (Full beta, or what?) So in August, I started a new education to become a .NET Software Engineer. In this class, there is this woman whom I sort of sit next to (one empty chair between us) furthest back in the classroom. I found her interesting from the beginning. During the autumn, I tried to find something to at least exchange some words with her every week, even though I had absolutely no idea how to talk to a girl. This went so-so. Anyhow, when the 3rd course started around the beginning of November, we had a group assignment in which she and I decided to form a group, together with 2 others. This is where we added each other on Skype and really started talking to each other. On Skype, she is very easy to talk to. It’s just as easy as talking to one of my closest friends. We can sometimes spend 1-3 hours talking about different stuff, asking each other questions and discussing stuff. In school it was still difficult to talk to her. Not only because I have no clue how to talk to women, but I also realized after a while that she wasn’t really giving good responses for me to work with, to start up a conversation. Her answers were usually short and concise, and during breaks she seemed more interested in doing stuff on her smartphone and/or computer than talking to me. (To this day, I don’t think she has taken any initiative in starting a face-to-face conversation in school, but she does it all the time in Skype chats.) After about a month, in the beginning of December, (on a Thursday evening) she mentions someone she refers to as her “date” she was going to meet that Friday evening. This is when I realized I was in love with her, as I felt the by now familiar feeling that is love, she had also introduced me to a new feeling – extreme jealousy. That weekend was one of my worst days of my life. Today, I haven’t seen her since 21st of December. She is hardworking and talented, but she’s doesn’t come to school very often. My problem:After Week 7 we are going on internships that last til summer. This means I won’t see her again until the end of August. The mere thought of this is tearing me apart from the inside. I think of her ALL the time. Furthermore, the penultimate/next to last day before we head off to our internships is Valentine’s Day here in Sweden. I can’t make my mind up if I’m gonna confess my feelings to her or not. With the Valentine’s Day timing, it almost feels “destined” to do so. But is there even a point to confessing your feelings to someone who already has a “special somebody”? Or is it even someone special? I have absolutely zero clue what a “date” is, or what her definition of the word is. I have no idea how serious they are in their “relationship”. I know they gave each other Christmas presents, that’s about it. Should I do it for the sake of myself, to hear her reject me so I can move on with my life? I’m 95% certain she has no feelings for me. The two scenarios:Don’t confess – I either “hope” her relationship doesn’t work and/or hope that she develops feelings for me over time. Or I dedicate this time where I won’t meet her to get over my feelings for her. Confess – Which approach do I take? The cautious one “I wanted to say that I like you and am interested in you.”, or do I take the full-hearted approach “I have been in love with you for 2 months. I think about you all the time - you are the first thought when I wake up and the last before I fall asleep.” If you read all this, thank you for your time. I tried to keep it short. Any advice would be appreciated, whatever that might be. I can’t really think straight when it comes to this woman. So... You've been talking to this girl for a while and haven't even found out for sure if she's single or not? That's usually one of the first three topics of discussion when talking to a female you are interested in (unless at a club/bar, because you don't want to know then). I'm afraid you don't even know enough about this girl to be in love with her, hell, I don't even believe you know what "love" is. What this sounds like is a case of infatuation with her because she's actually given you the time of day. That said, just ask her out. The worst she can say is no. Skype, text, in person, whatever. If she's more talkative on Skype, that's your best bet because maybe she has the same problem as you in person. This "man" shit some of these guys are spouting is nonsense. If a girl likes you, they don't give a fuck how you ask them out. If she's so superficial as to say "Oh, he didn't ask me out in person. He's not MAN enough for me!" then maybe she isn't for you...? I might have exaggerated the "bad" part of asking her out on skype, but you're underexaggerating it... having the balls to ask somebody in person is always much better than sending them a message where you can crawl into a corner if you get rejected. If we're spouting about how confidence attracts women, starting a relationship in a way that give you a "get away from the conversation free" card isn't the best way to do it. Either confidence attracts women, or it doesn't. If it does, then you should be as confident as possible from the get go - i.e. talk to her face to face. Now, if for some reason you both absolutely fail at human conversation, then people go to skype sometimes. But generally, face to face is considered better. Although I do agree that it is infatuation. It's pretty hard to go from never having dated somebody to totally in love that quickly imo. The way he described her and the way she talks to him on skype/in person. Skype is absolutely his best bet. If he gets her where they are both uncomfortable, it creates the least favorable situation for the both of them. Asking a girl out isn't just about confidence. It's about being able to read the situations properly and executing your objective based on your reads. Much like sales. But if he can't ask her out on person, how is he supposed to go on a full-out date in person? Even if it's something as simple as coffee 1 on 1. He's going to have to face her in person sooner or later, and if he can't ask her out like that, it will just make for an awkward date. Getting the "yes" is the first step. It doesn't matter how he gets it. The next part (a successful "date") is totally up to him. Personally, I don't consider anything less than a $200 night at a restaurant a date. Everything else is just two friends hanging out/feeling each other out. If he just looks at it that way, that might take some pressure off as well.
O.o not many people go on dates then by your perspective. I literally don't know a single person who goes on 200$ dates on any frequent basis. I mean I guess I'm a college student, but not even any parents that I know do that. If I sit on a couch with my girlfriend and we cuddle and chat for 4 hours, watch a movie, make dinner, blah blah blah, I've spent 0$ and had a more entertaining date than a night out at a restaurant.
You don't have to have a ton of money to spend to have great dates. That'd be insane. When I'm in town, (and before I left), we'd go on dates maybe twice a week... I don't know how you'd expect to fund something like that outside of an upper-middle class income family lol.
And taking in the fact that most people on TL are either low 20s or younger (note: college or no income HS). I doubt many of them have money to spend 200$ on a "date."
The point was that sure he can ask on skype, but he's simply delaying the interaction, and avoiding an experience that will help him at some point in his life. (Not every girl he meets will be constantly skyping with him).
But like the person above, and what you said... considering this as just a "getting to know her" kind of thing is a good way to go about it - if they don't talk much, then it's unlikely the first "date" will be anything other than that.
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On January 29 2013 11:51 Dosey wrote:Show nested quote +On January 29 2013 10:50 Alryk wrote:On January 29 2013 10:06 Dosey wrote:On January 29 2013 09:42 Alryk wrote:On January 29 2013 09:29 Dosey wrote:On January 28 2013 19:03 vgijamven wrote:+ Show Spoiler +My background: (spoilered to keep the post short) + Show Spoiler +I am a male unkissed virgin, 23 years old. Ever since I hit puberty I’ve been a very quiet and a bit of a anti-social person. Basically I was (and to some extend still am) the term “beta” personified. My looks are average at best, I’m fairly muscular, and I have 0 fashion sense. I spent a lot of my childhood playing games, and I basically spent all of my teenage years playing World of Warcraft with friends from my gymnasium (10 to 12th grade) class.
This has led to me not having many friends at all, altho the few friends that I have I am very close to. And I especially have never had any female friends or any experience in talking to women (besides my sister whom I’m also very close to).
My first encounter with love was brief during summer 2012, where I sort of fell in love with a woman at my summer job, but I quickly learned she was in fact a lesbian (that’s what I get for having a thing for women with short hair, eh?) so that love didn’t really have time to manifest, and I got over it quickly. Looking back, I think I basically fell in love with her because she was the first woman I’ve met who didn’t seem to mind talking to me, and looked at me for more than 0.1 seconds. (Full beta, or what?) So in August, I started a new education to become a .NET Software Engineer. In this class, there is this woman whom I sort of sit next to (one empty chair between us) furthest back in the classroom. I found her interesting from the beginning. During the autumn, I tried to find something to at least exchange some words with her every week, even though I had absolutely no idea how to talk to a girl. This went so-so. Anyhow, when the 3rd course started around the beginning of November, we had a group assignment in which she and I decided to form a group, together with 2 others. This is where we added each other on Skype and really started talking to each other. On Skype, she is very easy to talk to. It’s just as easy as talking to one of my closest friends. We can sometimes spend 1-3 hours talking about different stuff, asking each other questions and discussing stuff. In school it was still difficult to talk to her. Not only because I have no clue how to talk to women, but I also realized after a while that she wasn’t really giving good responses for me to work with, to start up a conversation. Her answers were usually short and concise, and during breaks she seemed more interested in doing stuff on her smartphone and/or computer than talking to me. (To this day, I don’t think she has taken any initiative in starting a face-to-face conversation in school, but she does it all the time in Skype chats.) After about a month, in the beginning of December, (on a Thursday evening) she mentions someone she refers to as her “date” she was going to meet that Friday evening. This is when I realized I was in love with her, as I felt the by now familiar feeling that is love, she had also introduced me to a new feeling – extreme jealousy. That weekend was one of my worst days of my life. Today, I haven’t seen her since 21st of December. She is hardworking and talented, but she’s doesn’t come to school very often. My problem:After Week 7 we are going on internships that last til summer. This means I won’t see her again until the end of August. The mere thought of this is tearing me apart from the inside. I think of her ALL the time. Furthermore, the penultimate/next to last day before we head off to our internships is Valentine’s Day here in Sweden. I can’t make my mind up if I’m gonna confess my feelings to her or not. With the Valentine’s Day timing, it almost feels “destined” to do so. But is there even a point to confessing your feelings to someone who already has a “special somebody”? Or is it even someone special? I have absolutely zero clue what a “date” is, or what her definition of the word is. I have no idea how serious they are in their “relationship”. I know they gave each other Christmas presents, that’s about it. Should I do it for the sake of myself, to hear her reject me so I can move on with my life? I’m 95% certain she has no feelings for me. The two scenarios:Don’t confess – I either “hope” her relationship doesn’t work and/or hope that she develops feelings for me over time. Or I dedicate this time where I won’t meet her to get over my feelings for her. Confess – Which approach do I take? The cautious one “I wanted to say that I like you and am interested in you.”, or do I take the full-hearted approach “I have been in love with you for 2 months. I think about you all the time - you are the first thought when I wake up and the last before I fall asleep.” If you read all this, thank you for your time. I tried to keep it short. Any advice would be appreciated, whatever that might be. I can’t really think straight when it comes to this woman. So... You've been talking to this girl for a while and haven't even found out for sure if she's single or not? That's usually one of the first three topics of discussion when talking to a female you are interested in (unless at a club/bar, because you don't want to know then). I'm afraid you don't even know enough about this girl to be in love with her, hell, I don't even believe you know what "love" is. What this sounds like is a case of infatuation with her because she's actually given you the time of day. That said, just ask her out. The worst she can say is no. Skype, text, in person, whatever. If she's more talkative on Skype, that's your best bet because maybe she has the same problem as you in person. This "man" shit some of these guys are spouting is nonsense. If a girl likes you, they don't give a fuck how you ask them out. If she's so superficial as to say "Oh, he didn't ask me out in person. He's not MAN enough for me!" then maybe she isn't for you...? I might have exaggerated the "bad" part of asking her out on skype, but you're underexaggerating it... having the balls to ask somebody in person is always much better than sending them a message where you can crawl into a corner if you get rejected. If we're spouting about how confidence attracts women, starting a relationship in a way that give you a "get away from the conversation free" card isn't the best way to do it. Either confidence attracts women, or it doesn't. If it does, then you should be as confident as possible from the get go - i.e. talk to her face to face. Now, if for some reason you both absolutely fail at human conversation, then people go to skype sometimes. But generally, face to face is considered better. Although I do agree that it is infatuation. It's pretty hard to go from never having dated somebody to totally in love that quickly imo. The way he described her and the way she talks to him on skype/in person. Skype is absolutely his best bet. If he gets her where they are both uncomfortable, it creates the least favorable situation for the both of them. Asking a girl out isn't just about confidence. It's about being able to read the situations properly and executing your objective based on your reads. Much like sales. But if he can't ask her out on person, how is he supposed to go on a full-out date in person? Even if it's something as simple as coffee 1 on 1. He's going to have to face her in person sooner or later, and if he can't ask her out like that, it will just make for an awkward date. Getting the "yes" is the first step. It doesn't matter how he gets it. The next part (a successful "date") is totally up to him. Personally, I don't consider anything less than a $200 night at a restaurant a date. Everything else is just two friends hanging out/feeling each other out. If he just looks at it that way, that might take some pressure off as well.
I'm sorry some of arn't rich and have boat loads of cash to throw at girls who we may never see again. Money shouldn't be the deciding factor, ever, if it's a date or not.
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EPT
