EPTDating: How's your luck? - Page 903
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
But the real quality girls just aren't online - they don't have to be as they have guys constantly falling in love with them and buzzing over them IRL | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On December 12 2016 03:21 B.I.G. wrote: I think online dating is becoming more and more mainstream. I use OKcupid, Badoo, and Tinder but especially the latter has allowed me to meet not only slutty women (as is the stereotype) but a bunch of seriously awesome ones as well. I think especially OKcupid is kinda BS because the amount of personal information it invites you to share really encourages those kinds of people that always have their checklists of what a partner should have or be handy. Enjoy your life of solitude is what I say to them. I think Tinder is successful because it works like real life. You determine interest on a glance. You match. It's mutual. Now go ahead and talk and see how deep the rabbit hole goes. I can imagine though that Tinder is more suitable for people who have less trouble communicating. And back to what I was asking earlier: The reason I ask is because I'm on a bit of a journey of self discovery when it comes to dating the last few weeks. In my group of friends here I have 4 in particular that are doing a lot of casual dating like me. Two of them particularly are like extreme versions of the rest of us. Over the past few years they have literally been with hundreds of women. What kinda triggered me was that one of them said to me "ha you are just like me when I was your age" (he's like 4 years older). The reason it triggered me is because although he's a good dude I think he has been "grinding" for so long now it he has become completely ice cold. And I see this pattern emerging with other less experienced friends as well. Some sort of self re-enforcing destructive cycle: Have a lot of random hook ups -> become jaded -> meet an actual marriage material girl -> fuck up because you have no clue how to keep a woman like that around -> fuck that shit I guess I'll die alone vibe -> more random hook ups So again, this questions I guess is mostly aimed at the manwhores of this thread. Did you experience this cycle as well or do you think its more related to other issues (if they have any) those guys are dealing with? "Meet an actual marriage material girl" - one girl heh. It's one person. If you're naturally not good with that you need experience. Also the other thing I can think of is the approach towards women has to be learned as well, what gets you laid (what everyone does - either faking symptoms of successfull men as PUAs instead of actually changing at the core and becoming successful with symptoms just showing naturally. Hiding your views, making yourself look better than you are) isn't the same as what builds a foundation for a long term relationship - complete open honesty | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
On December 12 2016 08:27 LemOn wrote: Yeah anecdotal experience of course But the real quality girls just aren't online - they don't have to be as they have guys constantly falling in love with them and buzzing over them IRL I disagree. Online dating is becoming a more common tool for people with an exceptionally busy work schedule or that have other reasons they are not really finding the right people for them. To take an example of a few girls I know that have very demanding jobs: They work 12 hours a day for sometimes even 6 or 7 days a week. Every once in a while their girlfriends will drag them to a night of bar hopping and clubbing. Are you really gonna say that bars / clubs are their best options for finding quality guys? Especially if they are hot they are probably going to be completely jaded by all the douches that approach them and will have an almost impenetrable defense shield up in places like that. Edit: And regarding the other comment, as I said its a cycle. As in it repeats. As in not just one marriage material girl. | ||
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LegalLord
United States13779 Posts
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Dark_Chill
Canada3353 Posts
On December 12 2016 14:21 LegalLord wrote: Bars and clubs aren't necessarily the best place to meet quality people either. I have the same criticism of those as I do of online dating: some quality people are there, but the environment just isn't the kind that lends itself to good relationship building. ... Why? It's not as if people say "Man, I really dislike long-term relationships, time to go clubbing". Reasons for going to bars or clubbing can be incredibly varied. Almost any place can be conductive to "good relationship building", you just have to get lucky and/or put in effort. | ||
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LegalLord
United States13779 Posts
On December 12 2016 14:43 Dark_Chill wrote: ... Why? It's not as if people say "Man, I really dislike long-term relationships, time to go clubbing". Reasons for going to bars or clubbing can be incredibly varied. Almost any place can be conductive to "good relationship building", you just have to get lucky and/or put in effort. It's more of a question of, "what kind of people go to bars or clubs to find a relationship there?" And the answer is, too often, not the kind that you really want. There are absolutely enough exceptions to that rule, and yet it's a trend I feel is significant enough to make it an environment that I do not think lends itself well to finding a good partner. | ||
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Danglars
United States12133 Posts
On December 12 2016 14:21 LegalLord wrote: Bars and clubs aren't necessarily the best place to meet quality people either. I have the same criticism of those as I do of online dating: some quality people are there, but the environment just isn't the kind that lends itself to good relationship building. I'm biased because I've had a personally great time online dating just comparing the women I've met through friends or somewhere to online dating. There's a lotta girls that are way different from their profile, sure. But the quality women met via both avenues is about the same percent. I've got some theories on how atomized social interactions contributes to pushing more into online dating, making it more mainstream. If you're on a dating website, romance is always the subtext and it's declared. Sometimes that's a step up for some personality types that don't do a flirt-to-date style. I'm in a big city and girls in their late twenties early thirties I find live at home or don't go out so much with having student loans and the extremely high cost of living. So just in talks with women about why they went online or what they thought about today's dating culture, they said it was just hard to meet quality guys out and about in life. Work (/+school) home hobbies Netflix. Obviously these are all big generalizations from personal experience and I personally haven't felt rushed for things moving too fast from an online start of a relationship. This is the first time I heard that as a criticism. More often it's quality and superficiality. | ||
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LegalLord
United States13779 Posts
It's too bad that a lot of the particularly interesting ones are the ones that mostly stay at home and are not that accessible. Overall, though, online dating just seems to get the environment wrong, and my experience has always been that quality people are almost always found in quality places. | ||
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RvB
Netherlands6274 Posts
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LegalLord
United States13779 Posts
On December 12 2016 16:53 RvB wrote: What are quality places according to you? Places I'd be inclined to be with the "finding women" matter being either a secondary concern or not one I was considering at all. That's a really vague description but "quality places" really is vague because there are a lot of them and they differ for different people. | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
Perhaps your idea of a quality woman doesnt fit that mold but I honest to god wouldn't be able to be with a woman that never goes out for a drink or dancing. And regarding online dating: I think it might really depend on the place you live because obviously we have different experiences. I stick with my earlier point. And sorry if I come across a bit rude but I think your statements are unfair to the ladies. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On December 12 2016 20:12 B.I.G. wrote: First of I think who the "quality women" are is highly objective. I also think you can find them anywhere. Implying quality women dont go to bars or clubs is horsecrap. Perhaps your idea of a quality woman doesnt fit that mold but I honest to god wouldn't be able to be with a woman that never goes out for a drink or dancing. And regarding online dating: I think it might really depend on the place you live because obviously we have different experiences. I stick with my earlier point. And sorry if I come across a bit rude but I think your statements are unfair to the ladies. I guess you meant to say subjective, because it is. I kind of disagree Lemon with that quality women are not on dating sites. With that logic any guy who is on a dating site is not quality material, and an absurd amount of men have or are currently using online dating websites/applications. You're saying that just because a girl gets hit on, and people fall for her she is a quality women, then you are more or less saying good looks = quality woman, which I don't even think you believe in. A better way of saying it is that it is harder for you to find someone you think is quality material online rather than looking close to your normal 'setting'. If you're climber most climber chicks might be awesome for you, crossfitters like other crossfitters etc. | ||
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Acrofales
Spain18291 Posts
On December 12 2016 15:23 LegalLord wrote: It's more of a question of, "what kind of people go to bars or clubs to find a relationship there?" And the answer is, too often, not the kind that you really want. There are absolutely enough exceptions to that rule, and yet it's a trend I feel is significant enough to make it an environment that I do not think lends itself well to finding a good partner. Huh? You go to a bar to have fun and party. As with any other activity where you go out and meet new people, you might bump into someone who you click with. Of course, the environment of a club is pretty terrible for a "date", and if you sleep with her chances are that it's not a relationship, but a one-night-stand. But that has nothing to do with the people there. Just with the environment: it's really hard to get to know someone when (a) there is extremely loud music and (b) most people are drunk (or getting there). | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
You're saying that just because a girl gets hit on, and people fall for her she is a quality women, then you are more or less saying good looks = quality woman, which I don't even think you believe in. No, that's not what I'm saying. I was giving an example of a situation in which quality women would resort to online dating. | ||
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LegalLord
United States13779 Posts
On December 12 2016 23:16 B.I.G. wrote: No, that's not what I'm saying. I was giving an example of a situation in which quality women would resort to online dating. I think you think I'm saying that "quality women" don't go there. That isn't true and not what I'm saying. It's more so that there are a lot of low-quality women there, and frankly it's harder to find good women if the environment is one where it isn't clear if any given person is looking for a one-night stand or a relationship. I find that that really poisons the possibilities of things going well if you start with that kind of front-loaded skepticism of anyone you talk to. On December 12 2016 22:43 Acrofales wrote: Huh? You go to a bar to have fun and party. As with any other activity where you go out and meet new people, you might bump into someone who you click with. Of course, the environment of a club is pretty terrible for a "date", and if you sleep with her chances are that it's not a relationship, but a one-night-stand. But that has nothing to do with the people there. Just with the environment: it's really hard to get to know someone when (a) there is extremely loud music and (b) most people are drunk (or getting there). I don't disagree, although there is something to be said about trying to meet people in a place where everyone is drinking. It could work but the chances of things going poorly are non-negligible. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On December 12 2016 23:16 B.I.G. wrote: No, that's not what I'm saying. I was giving an example of a situation in which quality women would resort to online dating. Sorry, all of what I wrote wasn't directed to you. Most was directed to what Lem0n said. But the real quality girls just aren't online - they don't have to be as they have guys constantly falling in love with them and buzzing over them IRL | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
I think we largely agree then. The way I see it that much like online dating you can meet someone in a club and there can be a spark which you will explore later on a first date. And then a second or third (BTW I also don't think that sex on the third date is too soon like someone mentioned earlier). And just like in a nightclub sometimes you meet someone online you just wanna hook up with. | ||
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LegalLord
United States13779 Posts
On December 12 2016 23:57 B.I.G. wrote: And just like in a nightclub sometimes you meet someone online you just wanna hook up with. And if you're not into hook ups, then do you agree that being in an environment where far too many people are is just going to make things work more poorly? | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
On December 13 2016 00:05 LegalLord wrote: And if you're not into hook ups, then do you agree that being in an environment where far too many people are is just going to make things work more poorly? Yes I agree that if you want a serious foundation you shouldn't go further than just meeting and exchanging contacts in a club. | ||
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