EPTDating: How's your luck? - Page 809
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
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waffelz
Germany711 Posts
 You also might read a tad too much into this. It is a small date after an excessive swimming session, not netflix&"chill". | ||
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
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waffelz
Germany711 Posts
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[UoN]Sentinel
United States11320 Posts
On March 12 2016 10:08 waffelz wrote: I prefer the opposite route, bounding first, fucking later. Usually works out as well. Plus boning everyone I feel indifferent to would be a rather stressful undertaking You also might read a tad too much into this. It is a small date after an excessive swimming session, not netflix&"chill". Also means you don't feel as bad about your time investment after you cum. | ||
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Kleinmuuhg
Vanuatu4091 Posts
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quake
United States30 Posts
Don't really get women. The tragedy of this is as such. Anyways... So, I'm 23 never been on a date. Super depressing right? It is what you make it. However, that's not really the depressing part. The sad part is when, your friends tell you that, the girl you were just talking to was giving you signs all over the place and you had NO idea. Yeah, once twice? No big deal. When it happens all the time? Then you start to wonder. Now I know some of you are going to think, how can you possibly know you're friends aren't just saying this? Well, to be honest I can't prove that I'm right. However, in my mind I 100% believe that I have missed many many chances because I don't pick up on things ( Or make a move). Let me give some specific examples (now I would actually be grateful if a women or girl here would tell me if I'm right or wrong in these instances of speculation). Lets say, you and a few of your friends go out to eat somewhere. A place where an attractive girl is working at the register. What ever, who cares right? Here is what happens (happened more than once). Girl says minimum amount of words to my friends when they're getting rung up. However, once I approach the register she starts talking to me. I get hey, have I seen you before? You look Really familiar. Have I seen you before? Usually fallow up question like, Where did you go to high school? Etc, etc, you get the idea. Now, this hasn't happened once or twice... Another time I was working (used to work at a grocery store produce department) and this hot chick came in with her friend,(was another girl) you know I wasn't thinking much of it, checking her out like most guys.. She comes around my department for awhile, leaves. Like 15min later, she comes back(by herself) comes up to me and literally asks, hey, am I in your way? When she CLEARLY wasn't. I was like Wtf? No? I had noooo clue... Meanwhile my co-worker is laughing his ass off after she leaves and was like dude she was Sooo into you. This is purely my speculation I have no idea if any of its actually true. I was also at a bar once talking to this girl who was friends with my friend and this guy I recently met who was super chill btw, we went outside for a cig and he was like dude, that girl is super into you. How, she was relating to what I was saying, telling me how much she loves its always sunny when I had a its always in sunny tshirt on... I had a feeling she came with someone so I was really hesitant to be persistent in talking to her. Why would she show signs of interest when she was with someone? Like.... Really? Anyways, that's about it. Thanks for reading! | ||
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Kleinmuuhg
Vanuatu4091 Posts
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On March 12 2016 17:24 quake wrote: Hello!, Everyone I would like to share with you my personal story. Don't really get women. The tragedy of this is as such. Anyways... So, I'm 23 never been on a date. Super depressing right? First of all, it's not very depressing. I went on my first date about a year ago, now I've met 11 girls. It's easy to change your behavior if you want to. Secondly, I don't really know why you are reading so much into these encounters. The girl who thought she knew you for example. Maybe she actually just did think she knew you. Maybe the girl in the grocery store did think you were cute. Regardless, it does not matter. What matters in my opinion is whether you like her or not. If you do think they are attractive and you would like to meet them, ask them out. Otherwise, don't! I don't see how thinking "Yeah I had like ten girls who thought I was attractive, well I don't know for sure since they didn't ask me out but my friends told me they gave me signs." will help you in any constructive manner. Getting better at girls would probably be extremely beneficial for you though since you have so many friends saying they were all over you schnatzel. If a friend tells someone is into you I think you should give them the benefit of the doubt, it doesn't mean you have to act on it though. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On March 12 2016 17:24 quake wrote: Hello!, Everyone I would like to share with you my personal story. Don't really get women. That's completely natural, don't let any feminist bullshit fool you, women are different from men not only biologically but also how in terms of how they are neurologically wired. The tragedy of this is as such. Anyways... So, I'm 23 never been on a date. Super depressing right? It is what you make it. However, that's not really the depressing part. The sad part is when, your friends tell you that, the girl you were just talking to was giving you signs all over the place and you had NO idea. Yeah, once twice? No big deal. When it happens all the time? Then you start to wonder. Now I know some of you are going to think, how can you possibly know you're friends aren't just saying this? Well, to be honest I can't prove that I'm right. However, in my mind I 100% believe that I have missed many many chances because I don't pick up on things ( Or make a move). How were you supposed to pick up on them, when you have 0 experience and there's no way of knowing what actions lead to what reactions? The making a move part is all that matters, if you really feel like your quality of life would increase significantly if picking up on signals and being comfortable with women and satisfying your emotional needs you need to start taking action, seeing their reactions and with that experience you'll eventually recognise signals etc. as well. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
Indeed I find it amusing, and happy I'm out of the house after so long I just looked her straight in the eye, and put out a wide honest smile. Bitch was right and I'm cool with that and my selfishness in the moment, but she doesn't know my story so it's okay that she finds it rude. And then came the passive aggressive "Oh look he's smiling" that she told her 60y old mother. Few minutes pass and the younger one comes to me and says "you know you are sitting at the disables seats..." I'm like "oh I didn't know that" again smiled wide, kept sitting of course with no intention of standing up - her mother looked young and by no means disabled and there was tons of free seats at the back of the tram. And at that point a young girl behind me stepped in out of nowhere saying "I don't see anyone disabled", recognising the woman was just somehow annoyed that I didn't fall into line of her behaviour and didn't react like she's used from most men I assume. "My mother is, you could have just went to the other empty seats" me:"Oh I did not know that, certainly doesn't look that way, come take my seat" looking at the mother obviously without moving a limb, "We're getting off on the next stop, so there's no point" "very well, thank you very much for informing me about the disabled seat" What happened was kinda unexpected - a reaction came not from them as they looked just a bit puzzled but from a couple random women in their 20s in the tram The girl behind me suddenly started to want to really communicate, saying how weird it was from them, how do I stay so calm and really wanted me to get engaged in a conversation with her. And when I was getting off, looking like shit with shopping bags unshaven, but smiling a totally random girl came up to me saying how incredible my assertiveness is that she'd go probably nuts there if someone was being a passive aggressive bitch and she was saying all that with super open body language. I mean if this happened before I met my awesome gf and also just using my ill voice wasn't super annoying there's no chance that the chicks numbers wouldn't be in my phone right now, just by being myself. And after over a year of work on my understanding women and myself I think I'm happy to say that it became part my core person when I can act the right way even when my brain barely works and I feel like total shit. | ||
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
On March 12 2016 18:41 LemOn wrote: That's completely natural, don't let any feminist bullshit fool you, women are different from men not only biologically but also how in terms of how they are neurologically wired. How were you supposed to pick up on them, when you have 0 experience and there's no way of knowing what actions lead to what reactions? The making a move part is all that matters, if you really feel like your quality of life would increase significantly if picking up on signals and being comfortable with women and satisfying your emotional needs you need to start taking action, seeing their reactions and with that experience you'll eventually recognise signals etc. as well. Man women aren't that different at all. They're conditioned socially to act differently, but underneath they have all the same motivations, fears, desires, etc. that men do. Both of our wants and needs that we express to the world are filtered through what we've been conditioned with. It's doing yourself a disservice to assume that we're inherently that different. We're not. | ||
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GoTuNk!
Chile4591 Posts
On March 13 2016 00:08 WarSame wrote: Man women aren't that different at all. They're conditioned socially to act differently, but underneath they have all the same motivations, fears, desires, etc. that men do. Both of our wants and needs that we express to the world are filtered through what we've been conditioned with. It's doing yourself a disservice to assume that we're inherently that different. We're not. Huh, no. On other aspects of life they might be similar, when it comes to dating they are very very different. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On March 13 2016 00:08 WarSame wrote: Man women aren't that different at all. They're conditioned socially to act differently, but underneath they have all the same motivations, fears, desires, etc. that men do. Both of our wants and needs that we express to the world are filtered through what we've been conditioned with. It's doing yourself a disservice to assume that we're inherently that different. We're not. eh, no we don't, brains actually function differently! It's not just social conditioning. That in itself is a way society is trying you to think but there are significant neurological and biological differences between men and women that change instincts, and those are hard wired through evolution. just listen to this, it's a solid introduction https://www.datingskillsreview.com/ep-105-problem-with-dating-today-john-gray/ | ||
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waffelz
Germany711 Posts
On March 13 2016 01:15 LemOn wrote: eh, no we don't, brains actually function differently! It's not just social conditioning. That in itself is a way society is trying you to think but there are significant neurological and biological differences between men and women that change instincts, and those are hard wired through evolution. just listen to this, it's a solid introduction https://www.datingskillsreview.com/ep-105-problem-with-dating-today-john-gray/ First of all, that site surely looks legit as hell. The bios also look very convincing indeed... Not saying those people are wrong about everything, and I haven’t checked out the podcast, but yeah… I prefer scientific sources. Papers, proper studies and real research. It’s over a year ago that I read up on this topic, but back then pretty much every major research was either suggesting or straight up stating that there aren’t very much differences between the brains of men and women. A few things aside we are pretty much the same. We do get influenced by society and our surroundings though, which according to those publishing’s is responsible for the supposed difference between men and women. And it is also true that following certain patterns for a long enough time (~3 years) can lead to neural changes in the brain which usually are reversible/changeable though. The more you come down to basic needs, instincts etc. men and women aren’t much different though. Hard wired by evolution my ass, it’s more a case of soft-wired by society/peer pressure/out of habit etc. Basically to some degree we only act/behave differently because we “chose” to, not because we are born that way. There are some differences of course, but most of the “common knowledge”-differences are straight up BS and often part of a self-fulfilling prophecy since they significantly appear less if they play less of a role in the surrounding/are less of a topic. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
Oh this will turn out juuuust fine. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On March 13 2016 02:04 waffelz wrote: First of all, that site surely looks legit as hell. The bios also look very convincing indeed... Not saying those people are wrong about everything, and I haven’t checked out the podcast, but yeah… I prefer scientific sources. Papers, proper studies and real research. It’s over a year ago that I read up on this topic, but back then pretty much every major research was either suggesting or straight up stating that there aren’t very much differences between the brains of men and women. A few things aside we are pretty much the same. We do get influenced by society and our surroundings though, which according to those publishing’s is responsible for the supposed difference between men and women. And it is also true that following certain patterns for a long enough time (~3 years) can lead to neural changes in the brain which usually are reversible/changeable though. The more you come down to basic needs, instincts etc. men and women aren’t much different though. Hard wired by evolution my ass, it’s more a case of soft-wired by society/peer pressure/out of habit etc. Basically to some degree we only act/behave differently because we “chose” to, not because we are born that way. There are some differences of course, but most of the “common knowledge”-differences are straight up BS and often part of a self-fulfilling prophecy since they significantly appear less if they play less of a role in the surrounding/are less of a topic. He's the dude who wrote Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, has a phd and everything  The podcasts from a former PUA but he's getting some great people on, had a neuroscientist in one episode, midwives, playboy producers, marriage counsellors authors... too don't get fooled by the presentation this is the best podcast out there I'd say. EDIT: even though there's like 0 chance you'll actually listen to it since it doesn't confirm your views I'd say even tho it'd be cool if you did  I've read books on female hormones, female brain, stages of sexuality...and there's studies mentioned within the podcast too. Just the huge difference between estrogen and testosterone that nobody denies brings big differences to behaviour. People have a lot less control over their action and states than they think, and just like our bodies are different our internal chemistry that ties to mind is as well | ||
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waffelz
Germany711 Posts
EDIT: Also wow... "even though there's like 0 chance you'll actually listen to it since it doesn't confirm your views I'd say even tho it'd be cool if you did". Way to hold an discussion. | ||
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States46246 Posts
On March 13 2016 02:37 bloodwhore~ wrote: Will begin dating two girls at once. The last girl I dated who I liked a lot said she is over her ex and wants to see me again. Oh this will turn out juuuust fine. As long as neither girl thinks you're exclusively with her, it should be fine  | ||
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kwizach
3658 Posts
On March 13 2016 01:15 LemOn wrote: eh, no we don't, brains actually function differently! It's not just social conditioning. That in itself is a way society is trying you to think but there are significant neurological and biological differences between men and women that change instincts, and those are hard wired through evolution. You're propagating a simplifying myth. If you want an extensive look at the literature on the topic, I suggest you read Rebecca M. Jordan-Young's book Brain Storm: The Flaws in the Science of Sex Differences (2010), it's extremely exhaustive and well-documented. Her conclusions include that we are not blank slates (predispositions are not completely identical in individuals, regardless of gender) but that the binary system of gender does not accurately capture these initial differences. Cultural factors are overwhelmingly what matters when it comes to differentiation with regards to cognitive dispositions. | ||
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