Dating: How's your luck? - Page 800

On February 14 2016 21:30 LemOn wrote:

Eh? Why'd you stay away from dating? That first long response summed it up pretty well, thread seems positive.

The first post is what media/books impose on you not what works in reality.
But vast majority of women love to chase, even though in their passive "get into your orbit way", all you need to do is learn how to read the signals and you'll see that women are actually active pursuers if you give them the space.

On February 16 2016 23:00 waffelz wrote:


To sum it up, I just got tired for now.
While the first post is what media impose, it’s not completely distant from reality. Like you said women’s way of chasing usually passive. If I would take the same approach the common reaction would be to tell me to man the fuck up and that I should start to work for what I want. Not only am I expected to chase but I also have to look out for some vague clues, which I admittedly suck at spotting for different reasons, who also are completely stupid at times. That’s not active pursuing, that’s just a bit better than not blocking yourself.
Can’t help but think “Why the hell am I the one who has to work for this instead of you/both of us”.
At the moment I believe one of my female friends is dropping some hints and it just annoys me instead of anything else.

In a relationship the men is also usually expected to push things forward. Been only in one relationship so far where I weren’t the one who had to push things forward and even then I still wasn’t as laid back. Relationships tend to be hard work, it just doesn’t seem like that at the time. I remember how I didn’t mind the work at all, but at the moment I can’t think of anything else. I just see how I worked hard for something that in the end it just failed which is kind of ok, but then there are these times where it not only failed, but also ended in an absolute shitty way that makes you prefer it to never have happened.
Given that I am currently single, it seems to me that the likelihood of failing is much bigger than the likelihood of succeeding and at the moment the chances of succeeding doesn’t weight out the amount of work and risk of potential disappointment.

I am currently also uncertain about how much randomness is involved in keeping a relationship going. I am good at being in a relationship. I am a good partner with the proper attitude and always gone to great lengths. This isn’t based on my opinion but rather of those around me, yet things haven’t worked out so far which basically means luck plays a big factor. Of course the attitude of your partner also plays a big role but since that is mostly out of your hands I count it as luck as well. So to me it seems like luck plays a major role and currently I am just not capable of dealing with that.

I am also too focused on the endgame. A relationship that only lasts a certain amount of time doesn’t really cut it for me. As long as it doesn’t end badly it is ok to have happened, but if it didn’t I also wouldn’t mind. I am not really interesting in simply having a good time for a while when it comes to relationships. To some the thrill of the beginning is appealing and some are simply satisfied with some sex, which is fine, but that’s not me. I know that you start out slowly and only figure out after years if you got the right person, but I couldn’t start a relationship where I am sure that it wouldn’t last. It just would feel like a waste of time to me and therefore I couldn’t put in the effort required. Since at the moment failing seems the more realistic option to me… you see where I am getting here.

The topic of having to change also partially annoys me but let’s not get into that.

“When he can finally let go of the crank he continually turns day after day in order to earn love and, even if only for a moment, it turns by itself to nourish him in return, that is when he will know he is loved.”
This was the part of the post that made me really bitter. I have been at that exact point, or at least I thought so, and it ended in realizing I wasted 6 years on a lying and cheating awful person. Yet it still is the thing I really seek and that would motivate me, but it seems too distant to really pursue it at the moment. Even though it was a false one, it was the best feeling I have ever felt, just need to convince myself that it is possible to chase it again.


TLDR: Unsatisfied with the dating reality/having to shake of some misconceptions about dating reality, need to recharge batteries and stop being a whiny bitch and accepting that life is unfair at times, should try reversing that I turned from being romantic into being cynical, need to stop only looking out for the endgame.

On February 17 2016 04:15 IgnE wrote:
#femaleprivilege

On February 17 2016 03:43 alukarD wrote:
So maybe this has been talked about before, if so, sorry about that, too many pages to go through, but I'll just post these questions and doubts regarding making a connection with unknown ladies (I'm a 24 year old engineer who loves the ladies) (Also, would love to hear both opinions of boys and girls on this matter if possible):

First, I want to point out that I'm good at going "somewhere" with a lady or making it happen once a particular situation arises that we share something, make that a funny moment, an accident bumping into each other, found her wallet/cellphone, someone introduces me to her, we end up sharing a seat to a trip, be partners at a school project or dancing class, etc. Looking back I feel I have a good ratio of getting the most of these situations with the ladies, and by the most I mean things like a weekend hookup, a semester hookup (foreigners leaving country), a non-committed relationship, even serious girlfriends, or just a fun and nice night with her, the lady, where we both enjoyed and get to know a bit each other. Cool.

Now, I'm bad at creating these situations, approaching girls out of the blue, walking there and starting a conversation with the lady I've never talked before, asking a lady across the club to dance or have a drink with me, you know, being the active player as we are supposed to be and reach to the ladies that we want to reach. I just suck at that. When I got my eyes into a lady, I'm just thinking and hoping to myself over and over that something happens between us so I can have something to go on from, or that by some miracle the lady finds me cute or interesting enough that the lady will magically approach me, sweet! But, obviously, most of the times it just doesn't (because funnily enough it has). And after it all happens and the lady leaves alone or surrounded by all her friends, I just say to myself that next time I should do something about it. I mean, I just want to know ladies and that they get to know me because I'm pretty confident I've got a great personality, but that first move is really killing me.

So yeah, shoot, anything will be appreciate it.

stop responding to texts, phone calls, voicemails

On February 19 2016 15:51 GreenHorizons wrote:


Yeah... Can't imagine why she didn't want to open up a discussion on it...

I'm sure Lemon will break it down for ya.

On February 19 2016 12:12 Jerubaal wrote:
I'm constantly amazed at how rude so many women...ok let's call them girls...are. You know what I'm talking about....the ol' no response. On Tinder, etc.it's annoying and rude, but hey, that's what you get. But I just had two dinner dates with this girl and apparently the way to let me know she wasn't interested was to stop responding to texts, phone calls, voicemails. How immature.