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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
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3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On January 08 2013 16:41 Drowsy wrote:
Saw some age gap posts earlier so I guess I'll finally drop a dumb "girlbog" post:
There's a girl in my graduate program. We have some mutual attraction and hit it off pretty well(so yeah, that part is out of the way), known her about 10 weeks or so. There's a few big things making me hesitate though: She's 32 years old and has lived with her parents her whole life (she's the eldest of 4 and every single one of her siblings moved out at the normal time). She had a strict Korean upbringing. She also is just a part time student and works full time, her mom is her boss funnily enough. She's relatively western in most other ways, raised in a western country, English is her first language etc. She looks insanely young for her age, prob a result of asian genetics+leading a very sheltered and clean life. I thought she was my age for the first few times we talked.
I'm going to be 24 in a few days. I've got lots of other options to pick from, but she's the one I like the most. I'm just not sure its worth the logistical hassle and the age difference. Additionally, I'm sure being 32 and having never lived independently will have some sort of behavioral manifestations even though nothing is apparent just yet. There's a good chance her parents wouldn't be particularly fond of me either (I'm back/hispanic and just playing the odds, a lot of the older Korean folks can be a bit racist, and of course there's the age difference again).
So what would you do in my situation? Just avoid the mess and go for girls my age?
she sounds kind of crazy. I dunno, it feels like there is a reason she lives with her parents. What are the reasons she gives?
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On January 08 2013 14:35 McFeser wrote:Show nested quote +On January 08 2013 13:19 Defacer wrote:On January 08 2013 12:36 McFeser wrote:On January 07 2013 19:08 Defacer wrote:
I've been with the same lady for 8 years now, and before that I was horrible with the ladies. But I do have some reasonable, common sense advice.
1) Work on yourself. Focus less on figuring out what this gender called 'Women' want and figure out what you want to achieve, personally. It can be as ambitious as starting your own software company or as simple as doing ten pull-ups in a row. All you need are goals that you are working towards. Because ...
2) People in general, not just women, are attracted to people that have their shit together and know what they are about.
I don't give a shit if you're a punk-rock anarchist. The anarchist that gets the most pussy is always the one with the stiffest mohawk and the best tattoos. Not the half-assed anarchist that pretends to be badass but still gets an allowance from his parents.
Are you a nerd? That's fucking fine. Be the best nerd you can be and own that shit. It may take you longer to find a match but there are girls out there that are into overachieving, hyper-intelligent introverts.
You don't have to be 'perfect' to get a girl, but think of a girl like a potential client or employer -- It's much easier to work with people that know what they want; out of their relationships, their jobs and their lives.
3) Stay clean. Some girls can handle messy guys, but no one wants to have sex with a dirty guy with a shit-stains in his underwear. Even that anarchist I mentioned scrubs his pits and trims back his pubes now and again. Wash your ass and balls and wear clothes that fit you, for fuck's sake.
Knowing how to groom and dress yourself is essential to adulthood. Taking pride in your appearance tells the rest of the world that you want to be an active part of the world.
4) Figure out your demographic. All men with reasonable hygiene have a demographic or 'type' that gravitates naturally towards them. Even guys with no legs attract a 'type'. If you have all your limbs, speak English and shower on a regular basis, you have no excuse. You have a type and could be dating that type, right now.
The problem with most guys is that they chase girls that are outside their type, or they see Women as one big, generic entity. They either ask out the wrong people or ask out pretty much anyone with boobs.
My dating life improved immensely once I recognized there were specific types of girls that were attracted to me, and I just embraced them. They are: Crazy eastern European women; Weird emo-girls that hate themselves; Plain, middle-class suburban white girls.
So, step back and think of all the girls that seemed to be unnaturally nice to you, have asked you out, or tried to start small talk with you for no good reason. Look at the pattern and figure out your demographic.
And if you hate your demographic, go back to step 1 of this post -- Work on yourself. If you really want to attract a different type of person, than you have to put the work and time in to change who you are. And that's not a bad thing, if you don't like yourself or feel incomplete.
Just figure out what you want and improve yourself. Girls (and people in general) are attracted to men that are self-motivated, self-improvers. Again, you don't have to be perfect, but you need to have drive and ambition. It's want they call in sports 'a winner's mentality', and no one wants to be with self-defeating 'losers'.
Number 4 isn't true. Maybe for some folks (and depending on how you dress) but the only thing limiting your "type", is the type of person you chose to be. And I find such advice misleading because it creates the notion that you should date a particular kind of girl because your prior experience dictates that is the kind of girl that will be interested in you. I think you should scrap and go out with someone you are interested in. Also the first two types of girls you described as liking you, sound like two groups of people with low self esteem. People with low self esteem will go out with anyone if they think it will make them feel better. And not to read too much into your personal life, but the third type you described (boring white suburban girl) is the most common girl in America. Obviously, its your life so you will know if I am wrong, but when you describe the type of girls that are interested in you; you are describing the most statistically common women any man would go out with. As for me, I've turned down and been turned down by almost every race and creed. I ain't disagreeing with your opinion of Number 4. Like I said, if you want to attract a different type of woman, than you should be willing to change to attract that type of person. The only difference we have is a philosophical one. Do you change yourself and accept the people that are attracted to you, or do you attract other people by changing yourself? Personally, I think it's more important to put yourself first, and change into the person you want to be (Number 1) rather than just changing to be with a specific type of woman. It's a lot more fulfilling, a lot less stressful, and a lot less enigmatic. Not only that, but I find guys that obsess too much over someone specific end up shooting themselves in the foot. Basically, if you're happy with who you are and who you are becoming, you won't really need to 'game' or change for anybody. Someone you like will find you attractive. As for my 'types' I think that it had less to do with their self-esteem, and more to do with this fantasy these women had that I was more intelligent, fascinating or eccentric than I actually am. There are people that think, quite literally, that I am some kind of genius (when really, I just have OCD and work extremely hard on any given task). These girls could have, and did, date men far better looking than me. They just thought I was 'interesting' and my brooding and critical nature was 'deep'. Some of them had self-esteem issues, but most of them were more or less as confident as anyone in their age. I only consider ordinary white girls a type because I'm Chinese. That's not normal, at least not when and where I was growing up. I could probably be more specific and describe them as white girls that were interested in the arts and are extremely talkative, even compared to other girls. Oddly enough, Chinese girls don't find me attractive at all. Probably because I'm not very materialistic. Although now that I make more money and dress better, I've noticed a bit of a shift. That's all I'm really getting at by 'finding your type'. There's plenty of fish in the sea, but it's pretty silly to chase fish that have no interest in you whatsoever, unless you want to or are willing to change. Yeah, no one should waste time trying to attract a girl that's not interested in them. I've done it several times, trying to convince myself that someone who wasn't for me was and that she would be the answer to all of my problems. I have fucking embarrassed myself over a girl that wasn't that great while turning down a really beautiful girl. But ironically, half the reason why I didn't go out with the other girl was because she thought I was the answer to all her problems and I wasn't. That's the thing about people in general. We are all looking for a good friend to fuck, or in the case of some guys just someone to fuck. The most important thing that I have learned about dating (and you have been in a relationship longer, so your word on this is probably better) is that you want to find a sweet spot between what you want and what she wants. It's good if neither of you are disproportionally in love with the other and if neither of you need convincing to want to go out with the other. That being said, and I think this is what you were getting at, there will come a time where you realize someone likes you and it wouldn't hurt to like them more.
Oh man, have I been there. That's why I always stress to younger guys to focus on making yourself better. Don't worry about making other people like you, worry about liking yourself. It's a way better starting point.
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On January 08 2013 16:47 DamageControL wrote:Show nested quote +On January 08 2013 16:41 Drowsy wrote:
Saw some age gap posts earlier so I guess I'll finally drop a dumb "girlbog" post:
There's a girl in my graduate program. We have some mutual attraction and hit it off pretty well(so yeah, that part is out of the way), known her about 10 weeks or so. There's a few big things making me hesitate though: She's 32 years old and has lived with her parents her whole life (she's the eldest of 4 and every single one of her siblings moved out at the normal time). She had a strict Korean upbringing. She also is just a part time student and works full time, her mom is her boss funnily enough. She's relatively western in most other ways, raised in a western country, English is her first language etc. She looks insanely young for her age, prob a result of asian genetics+leading a very sheltered and clean life. I thought she was my age for the first few times we talked.
I'm going to be 24 in a few days. I've got lots of other options to pick from, but she's the one I like the most. I'm just not sure its worth the logistical hassle and the age difference. Additionally, I'm sure being 32 and having never lived independently will have some sort of behavioral manifestations even though nothing is apparent just yet. There's a good chance her parents wouldn't be particularly fond of me either (I'm back/hispanic and just playing the odds, a lot of the older Korean folks can be a bit racist, and of course there's the age difference again).
So what would you do in my situation? Just avoid the mess and go for girls my age? she sounds kind of crazy. I dunno, it feels like there is a reason she lives with her parents. What are the reasons she gives?
I tried to get to the bottom of that once but she's clearly self-conscious about it so I tried not to prod too much. Her mom is a director of operations and she's an "assistant director" at the same company, and she cited convenience as a reason as well as the fact that eastern cultures tend to be more family oriented. But she's only had that job for 2 years so that's still 18-30. Neither of her parents have health problems. Her parents also "grounded" her from her car after she got in an accident in a parking lot at one point (it took every fiber of my being not to make a joke about asian female drivers when she told me about it). I'm also about 99% sure she's a virgin, which I don't consider a plus or a minus but it says something.
Okay that all sounds bad now that I write it out, but she's a stone cold 8.5/10 and is very sweet, smart, and feminine.
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On January 08 2013 17:00 Drowsy wrote:Show nested quote +On January 08 2013 16:47 DamageControL wrote:On January 08 2013 16:41 Drowsy wrote:
Saw some age gap posts earlier so I guess I'll finally drop a dumb "girlbog" post:
There's a girl in my graduate program. We have some mutual attraction and hit it off pretty well(so yeah, that part is out of the way), known her about 10 weeks or so. There's a few big things making me hesitate though: She's 32 years old and has lived with her parents her whole life (she's the eldest of 4 and every single one of her siblings moved out at the normal time). She had a strict Korean upbringing. She also is just a part time student and works full time, her mom is her boss funnily enough. She's relatively western in most other ways, raised in a western country, English is her first language etc. She looks insanely young for her age, prob a result of asian genetics+leading a very sheltered and clean life. I thought she was my age for the first few times we talked.
I'm going to be 24 in a few days. I've got lots of other options to pick from, but she's the one I like the most. I'm just not sure its worth the logistical hassle and the age difference. Additionally, I'm sure being 32 and having never lived independently will have some sort of behavioral manifestations even though nothing is apparent just yet. There's a good chance her parents wouldn't be particularly fond of me either (I'm back/hispanic and just playing the odds, a lot of the older Korean folks can be a bit racist, and of course there's the age difference again).
So what would you do in my situation? Just avoid the mess and go for girls my age? she sounds kind of crazy. I dunno, it feels like there is a reason she lives with her parents. What are the reasons she gives? I tried to get to the bottom of that once but she's clearly self-conscious about it so I tried not to prod too much. Her mom is a director of operations and she's an "assistant director" at the same company, and she cited convenience as a reason as well as the fact that eastern cultures tend to be more family oriented. But she's only had that job for 2 years so that's still 18-30. Neither of her parents have health problems. Her parents also "grounded" her from her car after she got in an accident in a parking lot at one point (it took every fiber of my being not to make a joke about asian female drivers when she told me about it). I'm also about 99% sure she's a virgin, which I don't consider a plus or a minus but it says something. Okay that all sounds bad now that I write it out, but she's a stone cold 8.5/10 and is very sweet, smart, and feminine.
Sheltered as fuck. If she has a job the whole "living at home" thing doesn't seem that bad because at least she isn't some dropkick deadbeat.
Regardless, it's not as if you're going to move in together straight away if you two become an item. One thing to consider is being in a relationship would act as a catalyst to her independence (sex is the act that disconnects children from their parents and starts mental/emotional independence)
All this aside, anybody too focused on pleasing than their parents rather than themselves has some growing up to do (in reference to the possibilities of traditional aka racist parents)
Any 30 something that is being grounded by their parents needs to get their priorities straight. I guess it doesn't help that her mother is her boss at work and at home. That has to cause some real problems.
I wouldn't worry about your age difference, 8 years isn't much and men die earlier than women on average.
Good luck?
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Australia8532 Posts
On January 08 2013 17:00 Drowsy wrote:Show nested quote +On January 08 2013 16:47 DamageControL wrote:On January 08 2013 16:41 Drowsy wrote:
Saw some age gap posts earlier so I guess I'll finally drop a dumb "girlbog" post:
There's a girl in my graduate program. We have some mutual attraction and hit it off pretty well(so yeah, that part is out of the way), known her about 10 weeks or so. There's a few big things making me hesitate though: She's 32 years old and has lived with her parents her whole life (she's the eldest of 4 and every single one of her siblings moved out at the normal time). She had a strict Korean upbringing. She also is just a part time student and works full time, her mom is her boss funnily enough. She's relatively western in most other ways, raised in a western country, English is her first language etc. She looks insanely young for her age, prob a result of asian genetics+leading a very sheltered and clean life. I thought she was my age for the first few times we talked.
I'm going to be 24 in a few days. I've got lots of other options to pick from, but she's the one I like the most. I'm just not sure its worth the logistical hassle and the age difference. Additionally, I'm sure being 32 and having never lived independently will have some sort of behavioral manifestations even though nothing is apparent just yet. There's a good chance her parents wouldn't be particularly fond of me either (I'm back/hispanic and just playing the odds, a lot of the older Korean folks can be a bit racist, and of course there's the age difference again).
So what would you do in my situation? Just avoid the mess and go for girls my age? she sounds kind of crazy. I dunno, it feels like there is a reason she lives with her parents. What are the reasons she gives? I tried to get to the bottom of that once but she's clearly self-conscious about it so I tried not to prod too much. Her mom is a director of operations and she's an "assistant director" at the same company, and she cited convenience as a reason as well as the fact that eastern cultures tend to be more family oriented. But she's only had that job for 2 years so that's still 18-30. Neither of her parents have health problems. Her parents also "grounded" her from her car after she got in an accident in a parking lot at one point (it took every fiber of my being not to make a joke about asian female drivers when she told me about it). I'm also about 99% sure she's a virgin, which I don't consider a plus or a minus but it says something. Okay that all sounds bad now that I write it out, but she's a stone cold 8.5/10 and is very sweet, smart, and feminine.
None of that last line precludes her from being crazy. I don't see why you just can't spend some time to get to know her to assess her level of crazy for yourself. Don't let the prejudice of her living at home put you off - you have to figure it out and come to your own opinion. You never know - she may be the love of your life. Don't let little things get in the way 
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On January 08 2013 16:10 Tibbroar wrote:Show nested quote +On January 07 2013 19:08 Defacer wrote:
I've been with the same lady for 8 years now, and before that I was horrible with the ladies. But I do have some reasonable, common sense advice.
1) Work on yourself. Focus less on figuring out what this gender called 'Women' want and figure out what you want to achieve, personally. It can be as ambitious as starting your own software company or as simple as doing ten pull-ups in a row. All you need are goals that you are working towards. Because ...
2) People in general, not just women, are attracted to people that have their shit together and know what they are about.
I don't give a shit if you're a punk-rock anarchist. The anarchist that gets the most pussy is always the one with the stiffest mohawk and the best tattoos. Not the half-assed anarchist that pretends to be badass but still gets an allowance from his parents.
Are you a nerd? That's fucking fine. Be the best nerd you can be and own that shit. It may take you longer to find a match but there are girls out there that are into overachieving, hyper-intelligent introverts.
You don't have to be 'perfect' to get a girl, but think of a girl like a potential client or employer -- It's much easier to work with people that know what they want; out of their relationships, their jobs and their lives.
3) Stay clean. Some girls can handle messy guys, but no one wants to have sex with a dirty guy with a shit-stains in his underwear. Even that anarchist I mentioned scrubs his pits and trims back his pubes now and again. Wash your ass and balls and wear clothes that fit you, for fuck's sake.
Knowing how to groom and dress yourself is essential to adulthood. Taking pride in your appearance tells the rest of the world that you want to be an active part of the world.
4) Figure out your demographic. All men with reasonable hygiene have a demographic or 'type' that gravitates naturally towards them. Even guys with no legs attract a 'type'. If you have all your limbs, speak English and shower on a regular basis, you have no excuse. You have a type and could be dating that type, right now.
The problem with most guys is that they chase girls that are outside their type, or they see Women as one big, generic entity. They either ask out the wrong people or ask out pretty much anyone with boobs.
My dating life improved immensely once I recognized there were specific types of girls that were attracted to me, and I just embraced them. They are: Crazy eastern European women; Weird emo-girls that hate themselves; Plain, middle-class suburban white girls.
So, step back and think of all the girls that seemed to be unnaturally nice to you, have asked you out, or tried to start small talk with you for no good reason. Look at the pattern and figure out your demographic.
And if you hate your demographic, go back to step 1 of this post -- Work on yourself. If you really want to attract a different type of person, than you have to put the work and time in to change who you are. And that's not a bad thing, if you don't like yourself or feel incomplete.
Just figure out what you want and improve yourself. Girls (and people in general) are attracted to men that are self-motivated, self-improvers. Again, you don't have to be perfect, but you need to have drive and ambition. It's want they call in sports 'a winner's mentality', and no one wants to be with self-defeating 'losers'.
And what of those of us who attract literally no one? I can't think of a single girl that has EVER shown interest in me.
Focus on making yourself a better person. Even if it's little things like going to the gym once a week, or working on that dream project. Do things that you can share with other people. Trust me.
The worst possible thing you can do is what I did during high school -- I spent my entire teen years hating myself, trying way too hard and obsessing over girls. I reeked of desperation. No one wants to go near a wounded animal, because they're liable to lash out.
There is the possibility that you are simply missing the signs that a girl might be 'interested' in you. And by 'interested', that's all that means -- they're intrigued by your existence and want to get to know you better.
After graduating high school, I was still clueless. Me and my friend where in a record shop, and the shop girl was milling around, sorting inventory, etc. I asked my friend, out loud, if he saw an Amon Tobin CD I was looking for. The girl, who was carrying boxes, put them down, span around on a dime and made a beeline towards me and showed me exactly where they were. I said thank you.
When we left the store, my friend smacked me on the back and said, with a sigh, "Dude ... you could be getting her number right now. You had an opening and you blew it."
What I didn't realize, and I do now, is that after puberty most women are conditioned to be guarded. Women do not randomly smile at, help, or small talk with strange men. They have to worry about attracting creeps and rapists.
Last night I was standing at a bus stop. A random girl, without me asking, told me that the bus would come in six minutes, and thought I should know because not knowing when the bus is coming sucks.
At that point, I was supposed to strike up a conversation, be as charming as possible, and get her number. I didn't because a) I'm a useless pussy and b) I'm married.
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On January 08 2013 17:19 bkrow wrote:Show nested quote +On January 08 2013 17:00 Drowsy wrote:On January 08 2013 16:47 DamageControL wrote:On January 08 2013 16:41 Drowsy wrote:
Saw some age gap posts earlier so I guess I'll finally drop a dumb "girlbog" post:
There's a girl in my graduate program. We have some mutual attraction and hit it off pretty well(so yeah, that part is out of the way), known her about 10 weeks or so. There's a few big things making me hesitate though: She's 32 years old and has lived with her parents her whole life (she's the eldest of 4 and every single one of her siblings moved out at the normal time). She had a strict Korean upbringing. She also is just a part time student and works full time, her mom is her boss funnily enough. She's relatively western in most other ways, raised in a western country, English is her first language etc. She looks insanely young for her age, prob a result of asian genetics+leading a very sheltered and clean life. I thought she was my age for the first few times we talked.
I'm going to be 24 in a few days. I've got lots of other options to pick from, but she's the one I like the most. I'm just not sure its worth the logistical hassle and the age difference. Additionally, I'm sure being 32 and having never lived independently will have some sort of behavioral manifestations even though nothing is apparent just yet. There's a good chance her parents wouldn't be particularly fond of me either (I'm back/hispanic and just playing the odds, a lot of the older Korean folks can be a bit racist, and of course there's the age difference again).
So what would you do in my situation? Just avoid the mess and go for girls my age? she sounds kind of crazy. I dunno, it feels like there is a reason she lives with her parents. What are the reasons she gives? I tried to get to the bottom of that once but she's clearly self-conscious about it so I tried not to prod too much. Her mom is a director of operations and she's an "assistant director" at the same company, and she cited convenience as a reason as well as the fact that eastern cultures tend to be more family oriented. But she's only had that job for 2 years so that's still 18-30. Neither of her parents have health problems. Her parents also "grounded" her from her car after she got in an accident in a parking lot at one point (it took every fiber of my being not to make a joke about asian female drivers when she told me about it). I'm also about 99% sure she's a virgin, which I don't consider a plus or a minus but it says something. Okay that all sounds bad now that I write it out, but she's a stone cold 8.5/10 and is very sweet, smart, and feminine. None of that last line precludes her from being crazy. I don't see why you just can't spend some time to get to know her to assess her level of crazy for yourself. Don't let the prejudice of her living at home put you off - you have to figure it out and come to your own opinion. You never know - she may be the love of your life. Don't let little things get in the way
Yeah dude, you might as well date her before deciding if the drama is worth it.
Lots of Asian kids live at home until they get married. Yeah, I don't get it either.
Edit: on second thought, the age difference is a problem. She is on the prowl for a potential husband. You can start dating but if you hit it off expect her to take the relationship seriously pretty quickly.
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On January 08 2013 16:41 Drowsy wrote:
Saw some age gap posts earlier so I guess I'll finally drop a dumb "girlbog" post:
There's a girl in my graduate program. We have some mutual attraction and hit it off pretty well(so yeah, that part is out of the way), known her about 10 weeks or so. There's a few big things making me hesitate though: She's 32 years old and has lived with her parents her whole life (she's the eldest of 4 and every single one of her siblings moved out at the normal time). She had a strict Korean upbringing. She also is just a part time student and works full time, her mom is her boss funnily enough. She's relatively western in most other ways, raised in a western country, English is her first language etc. She looks insanely young for her age, prob a result of asian genetics+leading a very sheltered and clean life. I thought she was my age for the first few times we talked.
I'm going to be 24 in a few days. I've got lots of other options to pick from, but she's the one I like the most. I'm just not sure its worth the logistical hassle and the age difference. Additionally, I'm sure being 32 and having never lived independently will have some sort of behavioral manifestations even though nothing is apparent just yet. There's a good chance her parents wouldn't be particularly fond of me either (I'm back/hispanic and just playing the odds, a lot of the older Korean folks can be a bit racist, and of course there's the age difference again).
So what would you do in my situation? Just avoid the mess and go for girls my age?
This is not gonna turn out well, for many many reasons.
I feel like you are not pursuing her for the right reasons + her parents sound super "korean" (in a bad way) and you will face endless difficulty when you do start dating her. That is, IF she is also not messed up in some way (that is a big IF)
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Well it's late and I'm waiting on SPL to start (EGTL fighting!) so I figure I'll weigh in on my to dating history. Spoilered for length.
+ Show Spoiler +Middle school started out pretty slow. Asked out a girl in 7th grade and got rejected. Gotta start somewhere I guess though. Towards the end of 7th grade, a girl and I who had been best friends for a while realized we were crushing on each other, but it was at an almost theatrically bad time because I was about to move. Nothing happened in 8th grade, and in 9th grade I dated some bitch for about 2 weeks before I found out she was cheating on me. Good stuff. Oddly enough, I met every girlfriend/girl I knew in high school through her. Reason why: + Show Spoiler +I went to a private all guys high school that shared a parking lot/classes with an all girls high school. It actually wasn't that bad if you put yourself out there, but I was pretty introverted freshman year. After I dated her I started going over to there for lunch time, and met my next girlfriend (and subsequently the others) through her . The one bad thing about this was that I could never trust myself/the other girls for the longest time. It would always lead me to question if they actually liked me, or what I was doing wrong etc. I was definitely less confident when it came to relationships, but I still got lucky and got another one the next year. I dated the next girl at the beginning of sophomore year. We were never official but we went on dates for a couple months and everybody wondered why we weren't official. Eventually she explained some things (omg it actually wasn't my fault) and we've been solid friends since. I started dating another girl in December and we broke up like 4 months later or something. Not bad, just didn't really have much of a spark. This was kind of annoying, because I was trying to make this work. For all of the people who cite lack of confidence or inability to get a girl or something: I can 100% say that this relationship died because I wasn't confident enough. I didn't push for much in the relationship, and I was always a "do it your way" kind of thing. I wasn't very decisive, and when she broke up with me the reason was "I just don't really like you the same way" or whatever. Something along those lines. The next girlfriend went pretty quickly, it was a "get physical really quickly and then kind of just awkwardly peter out" kind of thing. We had a few fights, and again confidence was an issue but now we're really good friends again (we managed to salvage that after not talking to each other for a while). I was single for like all of junior year until the end when I met my current girlfriend. We probably had the most circumstantial and coincidental meeting EVER (making me a reasonable believer in fate, or luck, God, or coincidence. Whatever you want to call it, something was on my side that night). We had just gotten to a hotel after a ~four hour drive or something and a fairly boring "medieval show" for our band trip that year. My friend had been subconsciously flirting with this girl (he claims he didn't do it on purpose but it was annoyingly obvious) which was pissing me off because I'd been playing counselor for him and his at the time gf for like 2 months. So when we got back to the hotel, I was hanging out with those two and this other girl I was just friends with until I got annoyed enough to leave. I went to hang out with 3 other friends and we played xbox for a bit. I decided to leave, and literally at the exact same time, my soon to be GF and 2 of her friends were leaving the room opposite. I actually knew one of her friends, and we had a joke going where apparently I was her stalker (I scared her on a cold day when I was wearing a hoodie, so I looked like a thug apparently, and it stuck). So I stalked them to the elevator. My GF noticed me, but I gave the traditional "shh" signal and surprised them. We chatted for a bit, went to six flags as a whole group the next day, and I got to know her over the next month. Eventually we were officially bf/gf (after like date 3 I think), and that was 1.5 years ago (just over). Was really slow at first because I'm her first boyfriend, and it's definitely not a stereotypical 1.5 year relationship, but I'm happy and really thinking about the potential that we have together. She's currently deciding schools (HS senior, I'm a college freshman), and mine is near the top of the list so here's for some more luck We have never had a serious fight, and even though we're long distance, I don't think we could be any better off. We're definitely "slow" on the physical side, (especially for how long we've been dating), but it doesn't bother me and I couldn't be happier for once. There's definitely something different about her, but I don't -quite- know if that's because I could spend the rest of my life with her, or if the other girls just weren't as exciting in comparison 
Not exactly a heartrending story, but there you go. Pretty normal imo
Note: I'm definitely a nice guy kind of boyfriend. The stereotype of "nice guys can't get girls" is not really right. "Wimps don't get girls" is probably more accurate. I'm generally accommodating, as helpful/available as possible (I stop gaming if she's having a bad day, but I'll be somewhat elusive on normal days for some time ), but I'm also confident and able to make decisions and set up dates.
P.S. Damn JYP. Doing good today.
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it goes awesomely, thank you for asking.
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On January 08 2013 17:32 Defacer wrote:Show nested quote +On January 08 2013 17:19 bkrow wrote:On January 08 2013 17:00 Drowsy wrote:On January 08 2013 16:47 DamageControL wrote:On January 08 2013 16:41 Drowsy wrote:
Saw some age gap posts earlier so I guess I'll finally drop a dumb "girlbog" post:
There's a girl in my graduate program. We have some mutual attraction and hit it off pretty well(so yeah, that part is out of the way), known her about 10 weeks or so. There's a few big things making me hesitate though: She's 32 years old and has lived with her parents her whole life (she's the eldest of 4 and every single one of her siblings moved out at the normal time). She had a strict Korean upbringing. She also is just a part time student and works full time, her mom is her boss funnily enough. She's relatively western in most other ways, raised in a western country, English is her first language etc. She looks insanely young for her age, prob a result of asian genetics+leading a very sheltered and clean life. I thought she was my age for the first few times we talked.
I'm going to be 24 in a few days. I've got lots of other options to pick from, but she's the one I like the most. I'm just not sure its worth the logistical hassle and the age difference. Additionally, I'm sure being 32 and having never lived independently will have some sort of behavioral manifestations even though nothing is apparent just yet. There's a good chance her parents wouldn't be particularly fond of me either (I'm back/hispanic and just playing the odds, a lot of the older Korean folks can be a bit racist, and of course there's the age difference again).
So what would you do in my situation? Just avoid the mess and go for girls my age? she sounds kind of crazy. I dunno, it feels like there is a reason she lives with her parents. What are the reasons she gives? I tried to get to the bottom of that once but she's clearly self-conscious about it so I tried not to prod too much. Her mom is a director of operations and she's an "assistant director" at the same company, and she cited convenience as a reason as well as the fact that eastern cultures tend to be more family oriented. But she's only had that job for 2 years so that's still 18-30. Neither of her parents have health problems. Her parents also "grounded" her from her car after she got in an accident in a parking lot at one point (it took every fiber of my being not to make a joke about asian female drivers when she told me about it). I'm also about 99% sure she's a virgin, which I don't consider a plus or a minus but it says something. Okay that all sounds bad now that I write it out, but she's a stone cold 8.5/10 and is very sweet, smart, and feminine. None of that last line precludes her from being crazy. I don't see why you just can't spend some time to get to know her to assess her level of crazy for yourself. Don't let the prejudice of her living at home put you off - you have to figure it out and come to your own opinion. You never know - she may be the love of your life. Don't let little things get in the way Edit: on second thought, the age difference is a problem. She is on the prowl for a potential husband. You can start dating but if you hit it off expect her to take the relationship seriously pretty quickly.
I agree with this. If she is 32, korean, living with her parents, I am sure all she hears everyday at home from her parents is "Go get a boyfriend/husband/get married" Unless her parents gave up on her since they have 3 other children. Women marrying younger men are becoming more and more common for Koreans (as is interracial marriage), but 8 years? I guess it's your call.
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On January 07 2013 14:35 synapse wrote:Show nested quote +On January 06 2013 22:27 XiaoJoyce- wrote:
I fall for this guy, who used to msg me all the time. And ask me out.
Recently it is the other way round, I msg him all the time, but he took very long to reply me. . .
Is it over?? LOL didn't you blog about some guy problems back in the day
Is it?? That is so long ago, this is another guy.
Any hints from guys, to tell if he is still interested in u or no...
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On January 08 2013 17:27 Defacer wrote:Show nested quote +On January 08 2013 16:10 Tibbroar wrote:On January 07 2013 19:08 Defacer wrote:
I've been with the same lady for 8 years now, and before that I was horrible with the ladies. But I do have some reasonable, common sense advice.
1) Work on yourself. Focus less on figuring out what this gender called 'Women' want and figure out what you want to achieve, personally. It can be as ambitious as starting your own software company or as simple as doing ten pull-ups in a row. All you need are goals that you are working towards. Because ...
2) People in general, not just women, are attracted to people that have their shit together and know what they are about.
I don't give a shit if you're a punk-rock anarchist. The anarchist that gets the most pussy is always the one with the stiffest mohawk and the best tattoos. Not the half-assed anarchist that pretends to be badass but still gets an allowance from his parents.
Are you a nerd? That's fucking fine. Be the best nerd you can be and own that shit. It may take you longer to find a match but there are girls out there that are into overachieving, hyper-intelligent introverts.
You don't have to be 'perfect' to get a girl, but think of a girl like a potential client or employer -- It's much easier to work with people that know what they want; out of their relationships, their jobs and their lives.
3) Stay clean. Some girls can handle messy guys, but no one wants to have sex with a dirty guy with a shit-stains in his underwear. Even that anarchist I mentioned scrubs his pits and trims back his pubes now and again. Wash your ass and balls and wear clothes that fit you, for fuck's sake.
Knowing how to groom and dress yourself is essential to adulthood. Taking pride in your appearance tells the rest of the world that you want to be an active part of the world.
4) Figure out your demographic. All men with reasonable hygiene have a demographic or 'type' that gravitates naturally towards them. Even guys with no legs attract a 'type'. If you have all your limbs, speak English and shower on a regular basis, you have no excuse. You have a type and could be dating that type, right now.
The problem with most guys is that they chase girls that are outside their type, or they see Women as one big, generic entity. They either ask out the wrong people or ask out pretty much anyone with boobs.
My dating life improved immensely once I recognized there were specific types of girls that were attracted to me, and I just embraced them. They are: Crazy eastern European women; Weird emo-girls that hate themselves; Plain, middle-class suburban white girls.
So, step back and think of all the girls that seemed to be unnaturally nice to you, have asked you out, or tried to start small talk with you for no good reason. Look at the pattern and figure out your demographic.
And if you hate your demographic, go back to step 1 of this post -- Work on yourself. If you really want to attract a different type of person, than you have to put the work and time in to change who you are. And that's not a bad thing, if you don't like yourself or feel incomplete.
Just figure out what you want and improve yourself. Girls (and people in general) are attracted to men that are self-motivated, self-improvers. Again, you don't have to be perfect, but you need to have drive and ambition. It's want they call in sports 'a winner's mentality', and no one wants to be with self-defeating 'losers'.
And what of those of us who attract literally no one? I can't think of a single girl that has EVER shown interest in me. Focus on making yourself a better person. Even if it's little things like going to the gym once a week, or working on that dream project. Do things that you can share with other people. Trust me. The worst possible thing you can do is what I did during high school -- I spent my entire teen years hating myself, trying way too hard and obsessing over girls. I reeked of desperation. No one wants to go near a wounded animal, because they're liable to lash out. There is the possibility that you are simply missing the signs that a girl might be 'interested' in you. And by 'interested', that's all that means -- they're intrigued by your existence and want to get to know you better. After graduating high school, I was still clueless. Me and my friend where in a record shop, and the shop girl was milling around, sorting inventory, etc. I asked my friend, out loud, if he saw an Amon Tobin CD I was looking for. The girl, who was carrying boxes, put them down, span around on a dime and made a beeline towards me and showed me exactly where they were. I said thank you. When we left the store, my friend smacked me on the back and said, with a sigh, "Dude ... you could be getting her number right now. You had an opening and you blew it." What I didn't realize, and I do now, is that after puberty most women are conditioned to be guarded. Women do not randomly smile at, help, or small talk with strange men. They have to worry about attracting creeps and rapists. Last night I was standing at a bus stop. A random girl, without me asking, told me that the bus would come in six minutes, and thought I should know because not knowing when the bus is coming sucks. At that point, I was supposed to strike up a conversation, be as charming as possible, and get her number. I didn't because a) I'm a useless pussy and b) I'm married.
Great post, but that b) excuse at the end is a pretty fucking good one lol
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My last relationship didn't last too long. According to the girl I dated, the guy have to love the girl much more, than the girl have to love the guy. WTF? How does that sound fair in any possible way? Dumped her shortly after...
Somehow I've got the curse of attracting wierd/insane chicks... Yay for me! -.-
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On January 08 2013 15:21 Alryk wrote:Show nested quote +On January 07 2013 15:36 Jisall wrote:On January 07 2013 15:19 Alryk wrote:On January 07 2013 14:28 Falling wrote:On January 07 2013 14:15 TheDraken wrote:On January 07 2013 14:03 Falling wrote:
@Zinnwaldite
Steer clear. Always. on the contrary he should go for it. nothing more thrilling than stealing girls out of relationships. If not for her or the guy, then for the kid. That sort of stuff is a mess and to be a cause of it... Definitely. Also, to the guy who just got engaged, congrats! (I don't seem to be as cynical as too many others ^^) I always felt it was up to you to try and get your boy to break up with his girl after they get engaged. Bringing up all the negatives about marriage. If your boy can take all the negative energy and still go threw with it, he's got to be madly in love with the lucky lady. Then you've done your duty ensuring that your buddy has thought it threw completely and can congratulate him on his wedding day knowing they are going to go far. So you're saying marriage is a bad thing? I respectfully disagree (If that isn't what you were saying I guess we don't disagree i'm tired haha) Also, Defacer has some pretty good advice.
That's not what he's saying at all. You have to make your friend realize whether or not he's prepared to take that step in his life. Sometimes, that idea still fails, and your friend gets married, then his wife proposes that they should have an open relationship while he's stationed in Japan, and things get worse when he gets back to the States... true story.
On January 08 2013 16:41 Drowsy wrote:
Saw some age gap posts earlier so I guess I'll finally drop a dumb "girlbog" post:
There's a girl in my graduate program. We have some mutual attraction and hit it off pretty well(so yeah, that part is out of the way), known her about 10 weeks or so. There's a few big things making me hesitate though: She's 32 years old and has lived with her parents her whole life (she's the eldest of 4 and every single one of her siblings moved out at the normal time). She had a strict Korean upbringing. She also is just a part time student and works full time, her mom is her boss funnily enough. She's relatively western in most other ways, raised in a western country, English is her first language etc. She looks insanely young for her age, prob a result of asian genetics+leading a very sheltered and clean life. I thought she was my age for the first few times we talked.
I'm going to be 24 in a few days. I've got lots of other options to pick from, but she's the one I like the most. I'm just not sure its worth the logistical hassle and the age difference. Additionally, I'm sure being 32 and having never lived independently will have some sort of behavioral manifestations even though nothing is apparent just yet. There's a good chance her parents wouldn't be particularly fond of me either (I'm back/hispanic and just playing the odds, a lot of the older Korean folks can be a bit racist, and of course there's the age difference again).
So what would you do in my situation? Just avoid the mess and go for girls my age?
Go for it. What's the worst that can happen? Be careful though! As someone else pointed out, she could be in the market for a husband. There was this chick at work that had this book "How to find your ideal Husband" or some crazy shit like that. A buddy at the office started to get involved with her, despite my friend and I advising against such behavior... it got weird.
On January 08 2013 22:17 Maekchu wrote:
My last relationship didn't last too long. According to the girl I dated, the guy have to love the girl much more, than the girl have to love the guy. WTF? How does that sound fair in any possible way? Dumped her shortly after...
Somehow I've got the curse of attracting wierd/insane chicks... Yay for me! -.-
That statement, through no fault of your own, is the dumbest thing I've read in here so far.
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On January 08 2013 22:17 Maekchu wrote:
My last relationship didn't last too long. According to the girl I dated, the guy have to love the girl much more, than the girl have to love the guy. WTF? How does that sound fair in any possible way? Dumped her shortly after...
Somehow I've got the curse of attracting wierd/insane chicks... Yay for me! -.-
Dude sounds like you made the right choice there...wtf o.O
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I went to pick up my ex at the airport on Nov 17th 2012, that's right, missed BWC(I live in shanghai, and bought a ticket), nothing to complain, she broke up with me two weeks later.
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Interesting to break two years of silence for that first post. Sucks though. I was crushed when my last gf broke up with me. Shit happens though, gotta move on and whatnot.
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Been single 10 years and refuse to ask a girl out that hasnt been single for at least a year. Last one crushed me tooooooooooooo hard and just dont want to put in the effort. Now if she were to make the moves, it would be a different story i think.
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On January 09 2013 02:53 Dbars wrote:
Been single 10 years and refuse to ask a girl out that hasnt been single for at least a year. Last one crushed me tooooooooooooo hard and just dont want to put in the effort. Now if she were to make the moves, it would be a different story i think.
Don't want to be a dick but when you wait 10 years for a relationship, when you finally get one and it fails, it is bound to hurt really bad.
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EPT
