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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On January 07 2013 16:13 Zinnwaldite wrote:
*sigh* I think I'll just go out and have fun for awhile. If I'm still single and interested if/when she comes around, i might take a chance on it. But i feel going in now would only disrupt things. The kid is always the most important thing, and I'm not gonna be a source of chaos in this very key period of her development. Better to let things sort themselves out on their end.
Go with your heart, no matter what anyone else says, its your life bro. They don't know your situation. Who knows what would be best for all parties involved, the future is unwritten.
On January 07 2013 16:56 laoji wrote:
Is 6 years too much of an age gap? I know there's always stories of the gold digger 30 year difference relationships but it still nags the back of my mind occasionally..
Age is but a number, how you feel about the girl is timeless. I don't see why age should bother a person, love has no discrimination. I say it is worth exploring, see the ladies personality and if you like it.
On a semi-related note:
I would say most problems in this thread could be solved by trusting your instincts and feelings. Thats the best advice, not being alpha, not doing a certain series of steps etc. Just do what you feel is right, and communicate that with your lady. The two most important things to understand in a relationship are your feeling/emotions about the lady/man and being able to communicate them. No one is looking for you to impress them, people just want to feel close to someone, exchange dialog and playful banter.
For the above two cases starting with the first, it seems you have talked to your lady about what you are feeling, and now you know what she is feeling. continue to explore that, but don't close off to other ladies, you never know, she might be miss perfect, but Miss absolutely perfect might be around the bend. For the second case, talk to your lady about it, say the age difference is something that has been bothering you. She how she feels about it. If she feels the same maybe it is best to stay close friends, if not then the choice is yours.
TL:DR - In matters of the heart, your heart will always win eventually. Save yourself time and embrace it.
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I've been with the same lady for 8 years now, and before that I was horrible with the ladies. But I do have some reasonable, common sense advice.
1) Work on yourself. Focus less on figuring out what this gender called 'Women' want and figure out what you want to achieve, personally. It can be as ambitious as starting your own software company or as simple as doing ten pull-ups in a row. All you need are goals that you are working towards. Because ...
2) People in general, not just women, are attracted to people that have their shit together and know what they are about.
I don't give a shit if you're a punk-rock anarchist. The anarchist that gets the most pussy is always the one with the stiffest mohawk and the best tattoos. Not the half-assed anarchist that pretends to be badass but still gets an allowance from his parents.
Are you a nerd? That's fucking fine. Be the best nerd you can be and own that shit. It may take you longer to find a match but there are girls out there that are into overachieving, hyper-intelligent introverts.
You don't have to be 'perfect' to get a girl, but think of a girl like a potential client or employer -- It's much easier to work with people that know what they want; out of their relationships, their jobs and their lives.
3) Stay clean. Some girls can handle messy guys, but no one wants to have sex with a dirty guy with a shit-stains in his underwear. Even that anarchist I mentioned scrubs his pits and trims back his pubes now and again. Wash your ass and balls and wear clothes that fit you, for fuck's sake.
Knowing how to groom and dress yourself is essential to adulthood. Taking pride in your appearance tells the rest of the world that you want to be an active part of the world.
4) Figure out your demographic. All men with reasonable hygiene have a demographic or 'type' that gravitates naturally towards them. Even guys with no legs attract a 'type'. If you have all your limbs, speak English and shower on a regular basis, you have no excuse. You have a type and could be dating that type, right now.
The problem with most guys is that they chase girls that are outside their type, or they see Women as one big, generic entity. They either ask out the wrong people or ask out pretty much anyone with boobs.
My dating life improved immensely once I recognized there were specific types of girls that were attracted to me, and I just embraced them. They are: Crazy eastern European women; Weird emo-girls that hate themselves; Plain, middle-class suburban white girls.
So, step back and think of all the girls that seemed to be unnaturally nice to you, have asked you out, or tried to start small talk with you for no good reason. Look at the pattern and figure out your demographic.
And if you hate your demographic, go back to step 1 of this post -- Work on yourself. If you really want to attract a different type of person, than you have to put the work and time in to change who you are. And that's not a bad thing, if you don't like yourself or feel incomplete.
Just figure out what you want and improve yourself. Girls (and people in general) are attracted to men that are self-motivated, self-improvers. Again, you don't have to be perfect, but you need to have drive and ambition. It's want they call in sports 'a winner's mentality', and no one wants to be with self-defeating 'losers'.
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On January 07 2013 16:09 G3CKO wrote:
I gave up and decided to just embrace my fate of becoming a wizard.
^ Or a sage LOL
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On January 07 2013 19:08 Defacer wrote:
I've been with the same lady for 8 years now, and before that I was horrible with the ladies. But I do have some reasonable, common sense advice.
1) Work on yourself. Focus less on figuring out what this gender called 'Women' want and figure out what you want to achieve, personally. It can be as ambitious as starting your own software company or as simple as doing ten pull-ups in a row. All you need are goals that you are working towards. Because ...
2) People in general, not just women, are attracted to people that have their shit together and know what they are about.
I don't give a shit if you're a punk-rock anarchist. The anarchist that gets the most pussy is always the one with the stiffest mohawk and the best tattoos. Not the half-assed anarchist hat pretends to be badass but still gets an allowance from his parents.
Are you a nerd? That's fucking fine. Be the best nerd you can be and own that shit. It may take you longer to find a match but there are girls out there that are into overachieving, hyper-intelligent introverts.
You don't have to be 'perfect' to get a girl, but think of a girl like a potential client or employer -- It's much easier to work with people that know what they want; out of their relationships, their jobs and their lives.
3) Stay clean. Some girls can handle messy guys, but no one wants to have sex with a dirty guy with a shit-stains in his underwear. Even that anarchist I mentioned scrubs his pits and trims back his pubes now and again. Wash your ass and balls and wear clothes that fit you, for fuck's sake.
Knowing how to groom and dress yourself is essential to adulthood. Taking pride in your appearance tells the rest of the world that you want to be an active part of the world.
4) Figure out your demographic. All men with reasonable hygiene have a demographic or 'type' that gravitates naturally towards them. Even guys with no legs attract a 'type'. If you have all your limbs, speak English and shower on a regular basis, you have no excuse. You have a type and could be dating that type, right now.
The problem with most guys is that they chase girls that are outside their type, or they see Women as one big, generic entity. They either ask out the wrong people or ask out pretty much anyone with boobs.
My dating life improved immensely once I recognized there were specific types of girls that were attracted to me, and I just embraced them. They are: Crazy eastern European women; Weird emo-girls that hate themselves; Plain, middle-class suburban white girls.
So, step back and think of all the girls that seemed to be unnaturally nice to you, have asked you out, or tried to start small talk with you for no good reason. Look at the pattern and figure out your demographic.
And if you hate your demographic, go back to step 1 of this post -- Work on yourself. If you really want to attract a different type of person, than you have to put the work and time in to change who you are. And that's not a bad thing, if you don't like yourself or feel incomplete.
Just figure out what you want and improve yourself. Girls (and people in general) are attracted to men that are self-motivated, self-improvers. Again, you don't have to be perfect, but you need to have drive and ambition. It's want they call in sports 'a winner's mentality', and no one wants to be with self-defeating 'losers'.
QFT. This is solid general life advice in general in my opinion. This is something I realized a while ago and has helped me to live a overall better life
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On January 07 2013 14:59 MysteryMeat1 wrote:
Made out with a girl on day 1, day 2 i told her it was a mistake and that i didn't have any feelings for her since it she really did like me for a long time apparently. Day 3 im studying in the library at college a little bit late at night. We talk a bit in the study room, asks to give me a blowjob, said yes. Afterwards she asked if i liked her now. Said no. Thats the extent of my dating. Took me 10 minutes of face rape before i figured out how to kiss back on day 1.
Sounds like what happened to me, except other way around. She made out with me, told me it was a mistake and then later we go to a party weeks later get drunk and have a threesome. First time getting laid in 2yrs since I broke up with my ex, didn't last too long to say the least but she said I was better than the other guy so thats a plus lol.
Really like her but I gotta cut these feelings off and get the poison out of my mind, nothing good is going to come from hanging around her tbh, she doesn't want a relationship and wants to experiment and sleep around :/ Can't deal with that and not feel depressed about it.
Not quite sure what my type is. Usually chicks that like anime and nerdy things. Really attracted to the girls with tattoos/piercings but that usually just a one-way street (girl above falls into here). Advice above about knowing your type is very key to everything imo. Ditsy blondes always talk to me :/ not sure if thats a curse or not, most are pretty good looking.
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I think I'm in denial with number 4...with another set qualities, they both could be perfect candidates. But alas...
Defining goals is great fucking advice, nothing turns people, forget girls, off more than a nobody. Number 1 helps with this alot, too.
When you said 'stay clean' I thought you meant off booze and such. That could've been a bit limiting, I would say...
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On January 08 2013 08:08 ravemir wrote:
I think I'm in denial with number 4...with another set qualities, they both could be perfect candidates. But alas...
Defining goals is great fucking advice, nothing turns people, forget girls, off more than a nobody. Number 1 helps with this alot, too.
When you said 'stay clean' I thought you meant off booze and such. That could've been a bit limiting, I would say...
I had a good friend that was dating a guy that was addicted to meth for years. Things started falling apart once he lost control over his bowel movements and occasionally shit his pants.
There are girls that are into guys that are into drugs, but a bad drug addiction eventually hurts your ability to follow points 1, 2 and 3.
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On January 07 2013 19:08 Defacer wrote:
I've been with the same lady for 8 years now, and before that I was horrible with the ladies. But I do have some reasonable, common sense advice.
1) Work on yourself. Focus less on figuring out what this gender called 'Women' want and figure out what you want to achieve, personally. It can be as ambitious as starting your own software company or as simple as doing ten pull-ups in a row. All you need are goals that you are working towards. Because ...
2) People in general, not just women, are attracted to people that have their shit together and know what they are about.
I don't give a shit if you're a punk-rock anarchist. The anarchist that gets the most pussy is always the one with the stiffest mohawk and the best tattoos. Not the half-assed anarchist that pretends to be badass but still gets an allowance from his parents.
Are you a nerd? That's fucking fine. Be the best nerd you can be and own that shit. It may take you longer to find a match but there are girls out there that are into overachieving, hyper-intelligent introverts.
You don't have to be 'perfect' to get a girl, but think of a girl like a potential client or employer -- It's much easier to work with people that know what they want; out of their relationships, their jobs and their lives.
3) Stay clean. Some girls can handle messy guys, but no one wants to have sex with a dirty guy with a shit-stains in his underwear. Even that anarchist I mentioned scrubs his pits and trims back his pubes now and again. Wash your ass and balls and wear clothes that fit you, for fuck's sake.
Knowing how to groom and dress yourself is essential to adulthood. Taking pride in your appearance tells the rest of the world that you want to be an active part of the world.
4) Figure out your demographic. All men with reasonable hygiene have a demographic or 'type' that gravitates naturally towards them. Even guys with no legs attract a 'type'. If you have all your limbs, speak English and shower on a regular basis, you have no excuse. You have a type and could be dating that type, right now.
The problem with most guys is that they chase girls that are outside their type, or they see Women as one big, generic entity. They either ask out the wrong people or ask out pretty much anyone with boobs.
My dating life improved immensely once I recognized there were specific types of girls that were attracted to me, and I just embraced them. They are: Crazy eastern European women; Weird emo-girls that hate themselves; Plain, middle-class suburban white girls.
So, step back and think of all the girls that seemed to be unnaturally nice to you, have asked you out, or tried to start small talk with you for no good reason. Look at the pattern and figure out your demographic.
And if you hate your demographic, go back to step 1 of this post -- Work on yourself. If you really want to attract a different type of person, than you have to put the work and time in to change who you are. And that's not a bad thing, if you don't like yourself or feel incomplete.
Just figure out what you want and improve yourself. Girls (and people in general) are attracted to men that are self-motivated, self-improvers. Again, you don't have to be perfect, but you need to have drive and ambition. It's want they call in sports 'a winner's mentality', and no one wants to be with self-defeating 'losers'.
Number 4 isn't true. Maybe for some folks (and depending on how you dress) but the only thing limiting your "type", is the type of person you chose to be. And I find such advice misleading because it creates the notion that you should date a particular kind of girl because your prior experience dictates that is the kind of girl that will be interested in you. I think you should scrap and go out with someone you are interested in.
Also the first two types of girls you described as liking you, sound like two groups of people with low self esteem. People with low self esteem will go out with anyone if they think it will make them feel better. And not to read too much into your personal life, but the third type you described (boring white suburban girl) is the most common girl in America. Obviously, its your life so you will know if I am wrong, but when you describe the type of girls that are interested in you; you are describing the most statistically common women any man would go out with.
As for me, I've turned down and been turned down by almost every race and creed.
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On January 08 2013 12:36 McFeser wrote:Show nested quote +On January 07 2013 19:08 Defacer wrote:
I've been with the same lady for 8 years now, and before that I was horrible with the ladies. But I do have some reasonable, common sense advice.
1) Work on yourself. Focus less on figuring out what this gender called 'Women' want and figure out what you want to achieve, personally. It can be as ambitious as starting your own software company or as simple as doing ten pull-ups in a row. All you need are goals that you are working towards. Because ...
2) People in general, not just women, are attracted to people that have their shit together and know what they are about.
I don't give a shit if you're a punk-rock anarchist. The anarchist that gets the most pussy is always the one with the stiffest mohawk and the best tattoos. Not the half-assed anarchist that pretends to be badass but still gets an allowance from his parents.
Are you a nerd? That's fucking fine. Be the best nerd you can be and own that shit. It may take you longer to find a match but there are girls out there that are into overachieving, hyper-intelligent introverts.
You don't have to be 'perfect' to get a girl, but think of a girl like a potential client or employer -- It's much easier to work with people that know what they want; out of their relationships, their jobs and their lives.
3) Stay clean. Some girls can handle messy guys, but no one wants to have sex with a dirty guy with a shit-stains in his underwear. Even that anarchist I mentioned scrubs his pits and trims back his pubes now and again. Wash your ass and balls and wear clothes that fit you, for fuck's sake.
Knowing how to groom and dress yourself is essential to adulthood. Taking pride in your appearance tells the rest of the world that you want to be an active part of the world.
4) Figure out your demographic. All men with reasonable hygiene have a demographic or 'type' that gravitates naturally towards them. Even guys with no legs attract a 'type'. If you have all your limbs, speak English and shower on a regular basis, you have no excuse. You have a type and could be dating that type, right now.
The problem with most guys is that they chase girls that are outside their type, or they see Women as one big, generic entity. They either ask out the wrong people or ask out pretty much anyone with boobs.
My dating life improved immensely once I recognized there were specific types of girls that were attracted to me, and I just embraced them. They are: Crazy eastern European women; Weird emo-girls that hate themselves; Plain, middle-class suburban white girls.
So, step back and think of all the girls that seemed to be unnaturally nice to you, have asked you out, or tried to start small talk with you for no good reason. Look at the pattern and figure out your demographic.
And if you hate your demographic, go back to step 1 of this post -- Work on yourself. If you really want to attract a different type of person, than you have to put the work and time in to change who you are. And that's not a bad thing, if you don't like yourself or feel incomplete.
Just figure out what you want and improve yourself. Girls (and people in general) are attracted to men that are self-motivated, self-improvers. Again, you don't have to be perfect, but you need to have drive and ambition. It's want they call in sports 'a winner's mentality', and no one wants to be with self-defeating 'losers'.
Number 4 isn't true. Maybe for some folks (and depending on how you dress) but the only thing limiting your "type", is the type of person you chose to be. And I find such advice misleading because it creates the notion that you should date a particular kind of girl because your prior experience dictates that is the kind of girl that will be interested in you. I think you should scrap and go out with someone you are interested in. Also the first two types of girls you described as liking you, sound like two groups of people with low self esteem. People with low self esteem will go out with anyone if they think it will make them feel better. And not to read too much into your personal life, but the third type you described (boring white suburban girl) is the most common girl in America. Obviously, its your life so you will know if I am wrong, but when you describe the type of girls that are interested in you; you are describing the most statistically common women any man would go out with. As for me, I've turned down and been turned down by almost every race and creed.
I ain't disagreeing with your opinion of Number 4. Like I said, if you want to attract a different type of woman, than you should be willing to change to attract that type of person.
The only difference we have is a philosophical one. Do you change yourself and accept the people that are attracted to you, or do you attract other people by changing yourself?
Personally, I think it's more important to put yourself first, and change into the person you want to be (Number 1) rather than just changing to be with a specific type of woman. It's a lot more fulfilling, a lot less stressful, and a lot less enigmatic. Not only that, but I find guys that obsess too much over someone specific end up shooting themselves in the foot.
Basically, if you're happy with who you are and who you are becoming, you won't really need to 'game' or change for anybody. Someone you like will find you attractive.
As for my 'types' I think that it had less to do with their self-esteem, and more to do with this fantasy these women had that I was more intelligent, fascinating or eccentric than I actually am. There are people that think, quite literally, that I am some kind of genius (when really, I just have OCD and work extremely hard on any given task). These girls could have, and did, date men far better looking than me. They just thought I was 'interesting' and my brooding and critical nature was 'deep'. Some of them had self-esteem issues, but most of them were more or less as confident as anyone in their age.
I only consider ordinary white girls a type because I'm Chinese. That's not normal, at least not when and where I was growing up. I could probably be more specific and describe them as white girls that were interested in the arts and are extremely talkative, even compared to other girls.
Oddly enough, Chinese girls don't find me attractive at all. Probably because I'm not very materialistic. Although now that I make more money and dress better, I've noticed a bit of a shift.
That's all I'm really getting at by 'finding your type'. There's plenty of fish in the sea, but it's pretty silly to chase fish that have no interest in you whatsoever, unless you want to or are willing to change.
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On January 07 2013 19:08 Defacer wrote:
I don't give a shit if you're a punk-rock anarchist. The anarchist that gets the most pussy is always the one with the stiffest mohawk and the best tattoos. Not the half-assed anarchist that pretends to be badass but still gets an allowance from his parents.
Are you a nerd? That's fucking fine. Be the best nerd you can be and own that shit. It may take you longer to find a match but there are girls out there that are into overachieving, hyper-intelligent introverts.
This is hilarious and true.
Not sold on 4, but hey, if it's helpful to someone somewhere it's worth saying.
Also, just out of curiousity, which of the three did you end up with? I'm going to guess... suburban?
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On January 08 2013 13:38 Belisarius wrote:Show nested quote +On January 07 2013 19:08 Defacer wrote:
I don't give a shit if you're a punk-rock anarchist. The anarchist that gets the most pussy is always the one with the stiffest mohawk and the best tattoos. Not the half-assed anarchist that pretends to be badass but still gets an allowance from his parents.
Are you a nerd? That's fucking fine. Be the best nerd you can be and own that shit. It may take you longer to find a match but there are girls out there that are into overachieving, hyper-intelligent introverts.
This is hilarious and true. Not sold on 4, but hey, if it's helpful to someone somewhere it's worth saying. Also, just out of curiousity, which of the three did you end up with? I'm going to guess... suburban?
Yup. It took me a while to accept the type. But it's the best relationship I ever had and she really has my back during thick and thin, despite all my flaws.
Come to think of it, she has honestly made a better man *sniff*.
She'll never understand Starcraft but then again, I'll never understand Days of our Lives. We both have our vices.
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On January 08 2013 13:19 Defacer wrote:Show nested quote +On January 08 2013 12:36 McFeser wrote:On January 07 2013 19:08 Defacer wrote:
I've been with the same lady for 8 years now, and before that I was horrible with the ladies. But I do have some reasonable, common sense advice.
1) Work on yourself. Focus less on figuring out what this gender called 'Women' want and figure out what you want to achieve, personally. It can be as ambitious as starting your own software company or as simple as doing ten pull-ups in a row. All you need are goals that you are working towards. Because ...
2) People in general, not just women, are attracted to people that have their shit together and know what they are about.
I don't give a shit if you're a punk-rock anarchist. The anarchist that gets the most pussy is always the one with the stiffest mohawk and the best tattoos. Not the half-assed anarchist that pretends to be badass but still gets an allowance from his parents.
Are you a nerd? That's fucking fine. Be the best nerd you can be and own that shit. It may take you longer to find a match but there are girls out there that are into overachieving, hyper-intelligent introverts.
You don't have to be 'perfect' to get a girl, but think of a girl like a potential client or employer -- It's much easier to work with people that know what they want; out of their relationships, their jobs and their lives.
3) Stay clean. Some girls can handle messy guys, but no one wants to have sex with a dirty guy with a shit-stains in his underwear. Even that anarchist I mentioned scrubs his pits and trims back his pubes now and again. Wash your ass and balls and wear clothes that fit you, for fuck's sake.
Knowing how to groom and dress yourself is essential to adulthood. Taking pride in your appearance tells the rest of the world that you want to be an active part of the world.
4) Figure out your demographic. All men with reasonable hygiene have a demographic or 'type' that gravitates naturally towards them. Even guys with no legs attract a 'type'. If you have all your limbs, speak English and shower on a regular basis, you have no excuse. You have a type and could be dating that type, right now.
The problem with most guys is that they chase girls that are outside their type, or they see Women as one big, generic entity. They either ask out the wrong people or ask out pretty much anyone with boobs.
My dating life improved immensely once I recognized there were specific types of girls that were attracted to me, and I just embraced them. They are: Crazy eastern European women; Weird emo-girls that hate themselves; Plain, middle-class suburban white girls.
So, step back and think of all the girls that seemed to be unnaturally nice to you, have asked you out, or tried to start small talk with you for no good reason. Look at the pattern and figure out your demographic.
And if you hate your demographic, go back to step 1 of this post -- Work on yourself. If you really want to attract a different type of person, than you have to put the work and time in to change who you are. And that's not a bad thing, if you don't like yourself or feel incomplete.
Just figure out what you want and improve yourself. Girls (and people in general) are attracted to men that are self-motivated, self-improvers. Again, you don't have to be perfect, but you need to have drive and ambition. It's want they call in sports 'a winner's mentality', and no one wants to be with self-defeating 'losers'.
Number 4 isn't true. Maybe for some folks (and depending on how you dress) but the only thing limiting your "type", is the type of person you chose to be. And I find such advice misleading because it creates the notion that you should date a particular kind of girl because your prior experience dictates that is the kind of girl that will be interested in you. I think you should scrap and go out with someone you are interested in. Also the first two types of girls you described as liking you, sound like two groups of people with low self esteem. People with low self esteem will go out with anyone if they think it will make them feel better. And not to read too much into your personal life, but the third type you described (boring white suburban girl) is the most common girl in America. Obviously, its your life so you will know if I am wrong, but when you describe the type of girls that are interested in you; you are describing the most statistically common women any man would go out with. As for me, I've turned down and been turned down by almost every race and creed. I ain't disagreeing with your opinion of Number 4. Like I said, if you want to attract a different type of woman, than you should be willing to change to attract that type of person. The only difference we have is a philosophical one. Do you change yourself and accept the people that are attracted to you, or do you attract other people by changing yourself? Personally, I think it's more important to put yourself first, and change into the person you want to be (Number 1) rather than just changing to be with a specific type of woman. It's a lot more fulfilling, a lot less stressful, and a lot less enigmatic. Not only that, but I find guys that obsess too much over someone specific end up shooting themselves in the foot. Basically, if you're happy with who you are and who you are becoming, you won't really need to 'game' or change for anybody. Someone you like will find you attractive. As for my 'types' I think that it had less to do with their self-esteem, and more to do with this fantasy these women had that I was more intelligent, fascinating or eccentric than I actually am. There are people that think, quite literally, that I am some kind of genius (when really, I just have OCD and work extremely hard on any given task). These girls could have, and did, date men far better looking than me. They just thought I was 'interesting' and my brooding and critical nature was 'deep'. Some of them had self-esteem issues, but most of them were more or less as confident as anyone in their age. I only consider ordinary white girls a type because I'm Chinese. That's not normal, at least not when and where I was growing up. I could probably be more specific and describe them as white girls that were interested in the arts and are extremely talkative, even compared to other girls. Oddly enough, Chinese girls don't find me attractive at all. Probably because I'm not very materialistic. Although now that I make more money and dress better, I've noticed a bit of a shift. That's all I'm really getting at by 'finding your type'. There's plenty of fish in the sea, but it's pretty silly to chase fish that have no interest in you whatsoever, unless you want to or are willing to change.
Yeah, no one should waste time trying to attract a girl that's not interested in them.
I've done it several times, trying to convince myself that someone who wasn't for me was and that she would be the answer to all of my problems. I have fucking embarrassed myself over a girl that wasn't that great while turning down a really beautiful girl. But ironically, half the reason why I didn't go out with the other girl was because she thought I was the answer to all her problems and I wasn't.
That's the thing about people in general. We are all looking for a good friend to fuck, or in the case of some guys just someone to fuck. The most important thing that I have learned about dating (and you have been in a relationship longer, so your word on this is probably better) is that you want to find a sweet spot between what you want and what she wants. It's good if neither of you are disproportionally in love with the other and if neither of you need convincing to want to go out with the other. That being said, and I think this is what you were getting at, there will come a time where you realize someone likes you and it wouldn't hurt to like them more.
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On January 08 2013 07:43 Zooper31 wrote:Show nested quote +On January 07 2013 14:59 MysteryMeat1 wrote:
Made out with a girl on day 1, day 2 i told her it was a mistake and that i didn't have any feelings for her since it she really did like me for a long time apparently. Day 3 im studying in the library at college a little bit late at night. We talk a bit in the study room, asks to give me a blowjob, said yes. Afterwards she asked if i liked her now. Said no. Thats the extent of my dating. Took me 10 minutes of face rape before i figured out how to kiss back on day 1. Sounds like what happened to me, except other way around. She made out with me, told me it was a mistake and then later we go to a party weeks later get drunk and have a threesome. First time getting laid in 2yrs since I broke up with my ex, didn't last too long to say the least but she said I was better than the other guy so thats a plus lol. Really like her but I gotta cut these feelings off and get the poison out of my mind, nothing good is going to come from hanging around her tbh, she doesn't want a relationship and wants to experiment and sleep around :/ Can't deal with that and not feel depressed about it. Not quite sure what my type is. Usually chicks that like anime and nerdy things. Really attracted to the girls with tattoos/piercings but that usually just a one-way street (girl above falls into here). Advice above about knowing your type is very key to everything imo. Ditsy blondes always talk to me :/ not sure if thats a curse or not, most are pretty good looking.
I just needed to fucking study, and if she won't respect that then bitch get out.
As for the type of woman that i attract, it seems to be the semi-popular girls that seem to be bitches to everyone around them except for me. At least thats what my friends say.
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On January 07 2013 15:36 Jisall wrote:Show nested quote +On January 07 2013 15:19 Alryk wrote:On January 07 2013 14:28 Falling wrote:On January 07 2013 14:15 TheDraken wrote:On January 07 2013 14:03 Falling wrote:
@Zinnwaldite
Steer clear. Always. on the contrary he should go for it. nothing more thrilling than stealing girls out of relationships. If not for her or the guy, then for the kid. That sort of stuff is a mess and to be a cause of it... Definitely. Also, to the guy who just got engaged, congrats! (I don't seem to be as cynical as too many others ^^) I always felt it was up to you to try and get your boy to break up with his girl after they get engaged. Bringing up all the negatives about marriage. If your boy can take all the negative energy and still go threw with it, he's got to be madly in love with the lucky lady. Then you've done your duty ensuring that your buddy has thought it threw completely and can congratulate him on his wedding day knowing they are going to go far.
So you're saying marriage is a bad thing? I respectfully disagree  (If that isn't what you were saying I guess we don't disagree  i'm tired haha)
Also, Defacer has some pretty good advice.
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I've been married 10 years, so my dating's pretty much fucked. 
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On January 08 2013 15:21 Alryk wrote:Show nested quote +On January 07 2013 15:36 Jisall wrote:On January 07 2013 15:19 Alryk wrote:On January 07 2013 14:28 Falling wrote:On January 07 2013 14:15 TheDraken wrote:On January 07 2013 14:03 Falling wrote:
@Zinnwaldite
Steer clear. Always. on the contrary he should go for it. nothing more thrilling than stealing girls out of relationships. If not for her or the guy, then for the kid. That sort of stuff is a mess and to be a cause of it... Definitely. Also, to the guy who just got engaged, congrats! (I don't seem to be as cynical as too many others ^^) I always felt it was up to you to try and get your boy to break up with his girl after they get engaged. Bringing up all the negatives about marriage. If your boy can take all the negative energy and still go threw with it, he's got to be madly in love with the lucky lady. Then you've done your duty ensuring that your buddy has thought it threw completely and can congratulate him on his wedding day knowing they are going to go far. So you're saying marriage is a bad thing? I respectfully disagree (If that isn't what you were saying I guess we don't disagree i'm tired haha)
No, he's saying that it's the duty of a bro to do everything possible to talk his bro out of it.
The point being that if the dude goes through with it in spite of your "advice", you can be sure he's committed. If you actually manage to talk him out of it, he probably wasn't taking it seriously anyway.
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On January 07 2013 19:08 Defacer wrote:
I've been with the same lady for 8 years now, and before that I was horrible with the ladies. But I do have some reasonable, common sense advice.
1) Work on yourself. Focus less on figuring out what this gender called 'Women' want and figure out what you want to achieve, personally. It can be as ambitious as starting your own software company or as simple as doing ten pull-ups in a row. All you need are goals that you are working towards. Because ...
2) People in general, not just women, are attracted to people that have their shit together and know what they are about.
I don't give a shit if you're a punk-rock anarchist. The anarchist that gets the most pussy is always the one with the stiffest mohawk and the best tattoos. Not the half-assed anarchist that pretends to be badass but still gets an allowance from his parents.
Are you a nerd? That's fucking fine. Be the best nerd you can be and own that shit. It may take you longer to find a match but there are girls out there that are into overachieving, hyper-intelligent introverts.
You don't have to be 'perfect' to get a girl, but think of a girl like a potential client or employer -- It's much easier to work with people that know what they want; out of their relationships, their jobs and their lives.
3) Stay clean. Some girls can handle messy guys, but no one wants to have sex with a dirty guy with a shit-stains in his underwear. Even that anarchist I mentioned scrubs his pits and trims back his pubes now and again. Wash your ass and balls and wear clothes that fit you, for fuck's sake.
Knowing how to groom and dress yourself is essential to adulthood. Taking pride in your appearance tells the rest of the world that you want to be an active part of the world.
4) Figure out your demographic. All men with reasonable hygiene have a demographic or 'type' that gravitates naturally towards them. Even guys with no legs attract a 'type'. If you have all your limbs, speak English and shower on a regular basis, you have no excuse. You have a type and could be dating that type, right now.
The problem with most guys is that they chase girls that are outside their type, or they see Women as one big, generic entity. They either ask out the wrong people or ask out pretty much anyone with boobs.
My dating life improved immensely once I recognized there were specific types of girls that were attracted to me, and I just embraced them. They are: Crazy eastern European women; Weird emo-girls that hate themselves; Plain, middle-class suburban white girls.
So, step back and think of all the girls that seemed to be unnaturally nice to you, have asked you out, or tried to start small talk with you for no good reason. Look at the pattern and figure out your demographic.
And if you hate your demographic, go back to step 1 of this post -- Work on yourself. If you really want to attract a different type of person, than you have to put the work and time in to change who you are. And that's not a bad thing, if you don't like yourself or feel incomplete.
Just figure out what you want and improve yourself. Girls (and people in general) are attracted to men that are self-motivated, self-improvers. Again, you don't have to be perfect, but you need to have drive and ambition. It's want they call in sports 'a winner's mentality', and no one wants to be with self-defeating 'losers'.
And what of those of us who attract literally no one? I can't think of a single girl that has EVER shown interest in me.
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On January 08 2013 15:44 Belisarius wrote:Show nested quote +On January 08 2013 15:21 Alryk wrote:On January 07 2013 15:36 Jisall wrote:On January 07 2013 15:19 Alryk wrote:On January 07 2013 14:28 Falling wrote:On January 07 2013 14:15 TheDraken wrote:On January 07 2013 14:03 Falling wrote:
@Zinnwaldite
Steer clear. Always. on the contrary he should go for it. nothing more thrilling than stealing girls out of relationships. If not for her or the guy, then for the kid. That sort of stuff is a mess and to be a cause of it... Definitely. Also, to the guy who just got engaged, congrats! (I don't seem to be as cynical as too many others ^^) I always felt it was up to you to try and get your boy to break up with his girl after they get engaged. Bringing up all the negatives about marriage. If your boy can take all the negative energy and still go threw with it, he's got to be madly in love with the lucky lady. Then you've done your duty ensuring that your buddy has thought it threw completely and can congratulate him on his wedding day knowing they are going to go far. So you're saying marriage is a bad thing? I respectfully disagree (If that isn't what you were saying I guess we don't disagree i'm tired haha) No, he's saying that it's the duty of a bro to do everything possible to talk his bro out of it. The point being that if the dude goes through with it in spite of your "advice", you can be sure he's committed. If you actually manage to talk him out of it, he probably wasn't taking it seriously anyway.
Ok. That was the first impression I got, and then something made me apprehensive somehow I agree with that, XD
To the person above, examine steps 1-3 I guess. I can guarantee you that with 3.5 billion women in the planet, one of them will be interested in you. I can't (along with the other people) say how important confidence is. A man who's confident enough to ask out a girl and get rejected nine times out of ten will still have one more date than the man who sits waiting for women to come to him*
* (yes, some women ask out men but it is abnormal. Even if they show interest, they generally wait on you to make a move).
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On January 08 2013 16:10 Tibbroar wrote:Show nested quote +On January 07 2013 19:08 Defacer wrote:
I've been with the same lady for 8 years now, and before that I was horrible with the ladies. But I do have some reasonable, common sense advice.
1) Work on yourself. Focus less on figuring out what this gender called 'Women' want and figure out what you want to achieve, personally. It can be as ambitious as starting your own software company or as simple as doing ten pull-ups in a row. All you need are goals that you are working towards. Because ...
2) People in general, not just women, are attracted to people that have their shit together and know what they are about.
I don't give a shit if you're a punk-rock anarchist. The anarchist that gets the most pussy is always the one with the stiffest mohawk and the best tattoos. Not the half-assed anarchist that pretends to be badass but still gets an allowance from his parents.
Are you a nerd? That's fucking fine. Be the best nerd you can be and own that shit. It may take you longer to find a match but there are girls out there that are into overachieving, hyper-intelligent introverts.
You don't have to be 'perfect' to get a girl, but think of a girl like a potential client or employer -- It's much easier to work with people that know what they want; out of their relationships, their jobs and their lives.
3) Stay clean. Some girls can handle messy guys, but no one wants to have sex with a dirty guy with a shit-stains in his underwear. Even that anarchist I mentioned scrubs his pits and trims back his pubes now and again. Wash your ass and balls and wear clothes that fit you, for fuck's sake.
Knowing how to groom and dress yourself is essential to adulthood. Taking pride in your appearance tells the rest of the world that you want to be an active part of the world.
4) Figure out your demographic. All men with reasonable hygiene have a demographic or 'type' that gravitates naturally towards them. Even guys with no legs attract a 'type'. If you have all your limbs, speak English and shower on a regular basis, you have no excuse. You have a type and could be dating that type, right now.
The problem with most guys is that they chase girls that are outside their type, or they see Women as one big, generic entity. They either ask out the wrong people or ask out pretty much anyone with boobs.
My dating life improved immensely once I recognized there were specific types of girls that were attracted to me, and I just embraced them. They are: Crazy eastern European women; Weird emo-girls that hate themselves; Plain, middle-class suburban white girls.
So, step back and think of all the girls that seemed to be unnaturally nice to you, have asked you out, or tried to start small talk with you for no good reason. Look at the pattern and figure out your demographic.
And if you hate your demographic, go back to step 1 of this post -- Work on yourself. If you really want to attract a different type of person, than you have to put the work and time in to change who you are. And that's not a bad thing, if you don't like yourself or feel incomplete.
Just figure out what you want and improve yourself. Girls (and people in general) are attracted to men that are self-motivated, self-improvers. Again, you don't have to be perfect, but you need to have drive and ambition. It's want they call in sports 'a winner's mentality', and no one wants to be with self-defeating 'losers'.
And what of those of us who attract literally no one? I can't think of a single girl that has EVER shown interest in me. Not to be rude, but what is your approach? When I decided that I didn't really care about getting rejected/got drunk enough to attempt to make out with them without feeling embarrassed my success rate went up a lot. Few people have a really interesting conversation and then start sucking your face. What is your threshold for "interest shown"
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Saw some age gap posts earlier so I guess I'll finally drop a dumb "girlbog" post:
There's a girl in my graduate program. We have some mutual attraction and hit it off pretty well(so yeah, that part is out of the way), known her about 10 weeks or so. There's a few big things making me hesitate though: She's 32 years old and has lived with her parents her whole life (she's the eldest of 4 and every single one of her siblings moved out at the normal time). She had a strict Korean upbringing. She also is just a part time student and works full time, her mom is her boss funnily enough. She's relatively western in most other ways, raised in a western country, English is her first language etc. She looks insanely young for her age, prob a result of asian genetics+leading a very sheltered and clean life. I thought she was my age for the first few times we talked.
I'm going to be 24 in a few days. I've got lots of other options to pick from, but she's the one I like the most. I'm just not sure its worth the logistical hassle and the age difference. Additionally, I'm sure being 32 and having never lived independently will have some sort of behavioral manifestations even though nothing is apparent just yet. There's a good chance her parents wouldn't be particularly fond of me either (I'm back/hispanic and just playing the odds, a lot of the older Korean folks can be a bit racist, and of course there's the age difference again).
So what would you do in my situation? Just avoid the mess and go for girls my age?
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EPT
