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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
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Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On November 02 2015 04:22 Zambrah wrote:So the date went well, talked had fun over crepes, and after it ended she said she wasnt looking for a relationship 'cause work (senior year, jobs, projects, etc. etc.) but that she'd be happy to go out on more dates so I dunno what any of this means. 
She's not sure about you yet, probably is used to needy guys so she just pre-empts everyone this way.
In one sentence she told you: "I don't have time" and "Here, I'm happy to invest time in the future on multiple occasions" wink wink. So it more means that she will have a relationship only with the right guy pretty much and she doesn't know you well enough yet 
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On November 02 2015 19:46 LemOn wrote:Show nested quote +On November 02 2015 04:22 Zambrah wrote:So the date went well, talked had fun over crepes, and after it ended she said she wasnt looking for a relationship 'cause work (senior year, jobs, projects, etc. etc.) but that she'd be happy to go out on more dates so I dunno what any of this means. She's not sure about you yet, probably is used to needy guys so she just pre-empts everyone this way. In one sentence she told you: "I don't have time" and "Here, I'm happy to invest time in the future on multiple occasions" wink wink. So it more means that she will have a relationship only with the right guy pretty much and she doesn't know you well enough yet
I agree with that interpretation. Mixed messages imply uncertainty, so she's not yet sure what she wants to do with you. It does sound like her response was already calculated and practiced, so she's probably overly cautious about starting new relationships quickly.
I think if your next date is interesting/ surprising/ novel enough for her, she'll still be willing to go out on more dates with you to feel out the situation further.
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On November 02 2015 19:24 LemOn wrote:1) Get busy
Failing that, and if you are insecure/needy for constant attention (you are, trust me I was there you seem to copy my pattern from some 1.5 years back ) you won't be able to have a happy stable long-term relationship anyways before you get to that state so definitely
2) Date more women
It's not annoying, I'm not sure what gave you that Idea. Just cut out texting completely besides setting up dates,(there won't be time for that as you'll always be on a date or having sex 3x per week+). Always start off with 1 date per week, give more time to girls that try harder/that you are starting to like more.
Also I don't get why you mind not setting up 100% dates
I'm pretty sure we have already gone through most of this already. I am already keeping myself busy. However, just because someone is busy, does not mean you don't have time to answer a text for meeting up. You have to take a shit at some point and at that point sending out a text shouldn't be hard, it will most likely take longer than 15 seconds for you to shit. I just don't think that 'being busy' etc is a valid excuse for taking longer than a day to answer which I guess is where we differ. I guess it has to do with that females are magical unicorns which needs to debate the situation in Syria before contemplating when she has time for another date.
Yeah I will.
Well it was mostly during my exam period I thought it would be 'annoying', maybe not as annoying as it would be time consuming.
I don't mind having to setting up all the dates at all, not sure where you got that impression. I just like mutual interest which seems to be awfully hard for me to come by.
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See if a girl likes you she wants to leave an impression, especially at first. Also they want to look like they have stuff on their plate and don't just wait for you to text.
I see it all the time, like my gf would have these texts saved as drafts in her phone she didn't sent because they "were not good/funny enough" no matter how many times I tell her that's bullshit and I just want her to text whatever is on her mind.
If she really cares about you It never takes a couple minutes but much longer time of thinking or waiting for her to get to the right mood, and if she has other things on her plate it can take a pretty long time, doesn't mean she's not into you. Why I think making it easy and just initially asking girls out over the phone and that's the only thing you use it for makes it so much easier for everyone involved.
Tbh it's the same for me - when I'm working it wouldn't be just a simple text - I'd divert quite a lot of attention thinking about what to text, and then about the girl...And take focus from what I'm doing. So sometimes I do the same - my first message when she contacts me for whatever reason is to ask her what days she's free, set up a date in the next one. And when she texts me inbetween and I'm working it does sometimes take me a full day to reply
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On November 02 2015 23:08 LemOn wrote:
See if a girl likes you she wants to leave an impression, especially at first. Also they want to look like they have stuff on their plate.
I see it all the time, like my gf would have these texts saved as drafts in her phone she didn't sent because they "were not good/funny enough" no matter how many times I tell her that's bullshit and I just want her to text whatever is on her mind.
If she really cares about you It never takes a couple minutes but much longer time of thinking or waiting for her to get to the right mood, and if she has other things on her plate it can take a pretty long time, doesn't mean she's not into you. Why I think making it easy and just initially asking girls out over the phone and that's the only thing you use it for makes it so much easier for everyone involved.
Conclusion: Girls are complete imbeciles.
But yeah, I should have called her instead, I pussied out and took the easy route. Will probably wait 2-3 more days and if she still hasn't answered the text I'll give her a call.
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Dude, she even told you she doesn't like texting jeez - that's the same girl right? And you do it anyways :D
You do make things more complicated than you have to. Just wait 4ish days, have a date idea that you can do at any time prepared, call her "Hey girl, I'd love to see you - when are you free to get together" She tells you day, you tell her time and place without telling her what you'll be doing, gg. No contact until date.
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What most people seem to gloss over is that texting sucks. It's functional but it sucks. Maybe she doesn't like being on her phone all the time and she is like "bro I just gave you a fucking answer now zip it with the texting already I don't want to spend my entire evening staring at my phone, save it for when we see eachother".
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On November 02 2015 23:17 B.I.G. wrote:
What most people seem to gloss over is that texting sucks. It's functional but it sucks. Maybe she doesn't like being on her phone all the time and she is like "bro I just gave you a fucking answer now zip it with the texting already I don't want to spend my entire evening staring at my phone, save it for when we see eachother".
I stopped calling only because every time I did we spent 1 hour on the phone. And she texts first 100% of the time anyways. It takes more self-discipline that's why people don't it.
EDIT: Actually yeah - if she wouldn't text me first 3-4 days after last date I would call her. It just never happened in last 4+ months. Once a girl has fallen for you and realizes that unless she contacts you first you will call and see her exactly one time per week they usually break their habits and start being active themselves
And she'd always take around 30hours to reply to any text at first
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On November 02 2015 23:17 B.I.G. wrote:
What most people seem to gloss over is that texting sucks. It's functional but it sucks. Maybe she doesn't like being on her phone all the time and she is like "bro I just gave you a fucking answer now zip it with the texting already I don't want to spend my entire evening staring at my phone, save it for when we see eachother".
I've found that it really does depend on the girl/ guy/ relationship/ busy schedule. In general, I'd say that spending time in person >>>>> phone call > texting, but sometimes phone calls get awkward or feel too rehearsed or are just too time-consuming. Texting allows for a couple to gradually respond at their convenience, which will be helpful when you need to also be doing literally anything else. I can text multiple people at the same time, and do work (my real-life APM is much higher than my Starcraft APM). Some people need to be multitasking a lot. A phone call is nice because you have her full attention, but that can also be a drawback when people are busy. I would just recommend being flexible and not dismissing any particular form of communication on principle.
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Yeah I agree you shouldn't. But I'm a pretty busy guy so when I have an evening to myself and I'm enjoying a movie for example I don't really like answering texts because it's distracting. When I'm at work I don't really have time to answer non work related texts because well, I'm at work.
Point is sending texts is not something I enjoy doing and it's really low on my things to do when I have free time list. I think there are quite a few people who feel the same way so that's something to consider for some of the gentlemen here that seem to relate this to "women sending mixed messages" or whatnot.
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Plus, to piggyback off the "mixed messages" issue, hearing a person's voice and inflection and how they're saying something can frequently add a lot more context and assurance and clarity than merely reading a text and having to analyze/ guess what they meant by something. Many teachers (including myself) prefer sending a phone call or have a quick face-to-face meeting with a concerned parent, since e-mail messages can get misinterpreted and lost in translation, and communication is vital for any successful relationship.
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Your words soothe me. I do believe it is my brain trying to prepare itself for a possible rejection so it starts overthinking. I'll try to keep my insecurities at a minimun, but no promises!
I don't think I will ever get over how someone can be so talkative in real but so quiet on text though, shit boggles my mind.
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On November 02 2015 16:33 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On November 02 2015 10:59 ticklishmusic wrote:soooo for these apps how fast do things usually go? kinda curious Depends on how hot you are to be honest. If you're really hot you can probably match with a girl and get laid the same day.
Not really interested in that. I'm a bit on the skinny side but pretty decent looking I think (though my current haircut kinda sucks ass and needs to grow out). Admittedly have some confidence issues.
I was chatting with this girl on some app for about a week. Seemed like it was going decent then she stopped replying. Not sure if I should have asked her on a date earlier, not sure how the timeframe really goes. Oh well, I'll probably try and bump her and if she doesn't reply I'll just chalk it up as a lost cause.
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On November 03 2015 00:26 ticklishmusic wrote:
Not really interested in that. I'm a bit on the skinny side but pretty decent looking I think (though my current haircut kinda sucks ass and needs to grow out). Admittedly have some confidence issues.
I was chatting with this girl on some app for about a week. Seemed like it was going decent then she stopped replying. Not sure if I should have asked her on a date earlier, not sure how the timeframe really goes. Oh well, I'll probably try and bump her and if she doesn't reply I'll just chalk it up as a lost cause.
Don't really think that matters. It's 100% about how they perceive you. It's a superficial app so they not responding anymore probably just means they have found someone who is hotter.
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When a girl gives missed signal assume she is into you and proceed accordingly. The "bad signals" are usually just a way to protect their ego and save face.
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Probably worth it to put some effort in pictures you use as well. Finding a match through Tinder is essentially grading people purely on looks. Skip the pics of a tiny you on a cliff or something and put on some pictures that show you have all your limbs intact and no horrible disfigurements and you are already making a good start. Heck, throw in a swimsuit pic. Girls dont use tinder to find mr right, they use it to find mr right now.
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On November 03 2015 04:35 B.I.G. wrote:
Probably worth it to put some effort in pictures you use as well. Finding a match through Tinder is essentially grading people purely on looks. Skip the pics of a tiny you on a cliff or something and put on some pictures that show you have all your limbs intact and no horrible disfigurements and you are already making a good start. Heck, throw in a swimsuit pic. Girls dont use tinder to find mr right, they use it to find mr right now.
1 out of 10 female profiles is probably actually looking to meet someone in real. Of that 1 out of 10 probably about half are looking to hookup and half are dense enough to think Tinder is a good dating facilitator for long term relationships.
Admittedly that's a disconnected assessment as I haven't actually used it myself, just reports from third parties of varying levels of success with women otherwise.
A little cheesy but these articles offer some basics on "successful Tinder use"
http://www.gq.com/story/how-to-make-a-successful-tinder-profile
http://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/tips-for-success-on-tinder.html
They seem to match up with what I've heard more or less.
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Get lucky. I've had a grand total of two successful relationships off of Tinder. About a year's worth of use.
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That seems pretty good. I don't even know if it's possible to have more than "two successful relationships" within a year's time unless you are in multiple long-term relationships or have a really low standard for a "successful relationship."
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On November 03 2015 12:21 IgnE wrote:
That seems pretty good. I don't even know if it's possible to have more than "two successful relationships" within a year's time unless you are in multiple long-term relationships or have a really low standard for a "successful relationship."
My definition of long-term is fairly low. Three months is a pretty long time for me. Usually by that point either I get depressed or she goes crazy... or both.
I have my tastes 
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EPT
