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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On October 30 2015 04:53 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On October 30 2015 04:17 Fyodor wrote:
Well the entire conversation happened in French and I have no clue if she understands the sexual connotations of netflix and chill.
I'm pretty ambivalent when it comes to sex vs relationships. I'm down with either.
Well if you said it in english she knows. You really must live under a rock these days not to know the meaning of netflix and chill. Okay.
No I said it in French.
Translation:
me:"hey how are you? what are you up to?"
Her: "eating and watching netflix lol"
Her: "you?"
me: " I'd rather be doing that, I'm at work."
her: "boo. that's no fun"
me: "oh well"
*2 hours later*
me: "was your show good?"
her: "it was ok, nothing special"
me: "what if I said I wouldn't mind watching something with you next week?"
her: "that sounds great!"
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On October 30 2015 08:25 CJPD wrote:
Asked another one if she wanted to go out but she said she has a boyfriend, but we can go out as friends.
That can mean two VERY different things. Probably depends on how attractive you are.
Either she doesn't mind side action or you're so unattractive that no-one will consider you a threat to her BF.
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On October 30 2015 08:38 Fyodor wrote:Show nested quote +On October 30 2015 08:25 CJPD wrote:
Asked another one if she wanted to go out but she said she has a boyfriend, but we can go out as friends.
That can mean two VERY different things. Probably depends on how attractive you are. Either she doesn't mind side action or you're so unattractive that no-one will consider you a threat to her BF.
Rofl, im not a Brad Pitt, but im not also a Freddy Krueger, dont know man average looking guy.
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On October 30 2015 08:25 CJPD wrote:
hi guys.
Dont't know wtf is wrong with some girls, asked a girl if she wanted to go out, she's from another country and i thought to show her the city, she said yes and gives me her phone, but when i called her or texted her she didnt even answered me.
Why did she gave her phone number if she didnt wanted to answer me.
Im a straight shooter and when i asked her why didnt she give me a reply she said i was pressuring her too much, wtf 1 text msg and 1 unanswered phone call is pressure?!
Please just tell me yes, no or fuck off why the hell dont some girls can say 1 of those 3.
Asked another one if she wanted to go out but she said she has a boyfriend, but we can go out as friends.
How is my dating luck?
My luck is in the gutter.
Well it all depends on the timescale. When is that you messaged her after you asked her? How much time passed by before you asked why she didn't answer? If the later is less than 2 days (two full sleep nights after the message), then it would just be an insecurity problem on your part.
A lot of girls are not straight shooters, they change their minds/emotions so fast it's kind of like small kids. It's very common for them to just stop contact without giving a reason (not that anybody owes anything to anyone; but it should be the adult way to spontaneously say something when you go back on a previous engagement, even if it's a small one like "yeah sure I'll hang out with you"). And any attempt to get a reason/explanation/adult discussion about that is perceived by them as bullshit/pressure.
Also you should make sure you are actually not putting pressure. Asking up front "why don't you answer me?" is very aggressive especially after just a text, she could just have forgotten about your single text or could have been in a busy period, who knows.
Obviously not on the same day as the first text you sent, instead of asking vindictively for answers right away, just check more casually "Hi, how are you today?" if she is really ignoring you or not. If no answer and you REALLY like her, give it another shot the following week and then be done with it.
You should not want to have anything to do with that kind of girls, ever. And "girls" is the appropriate word, they are not women yet and need to grow up.
If a girl ignores you for a sensible amount of time you should just move on and assume that, whatever the reason, she obviously don't want to speak to you (that is the reason, you don't need to ask why), so why would you want anything to do with someone that doesn't want anything to do with you? Then if she contacts you back after some time it is your call to go for it or not.
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I'm about to be on my way to what is probably a break up talk. Sigh 
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On October 30 2015 08:25 CJPD wrote:
hi guys.
Dont't know wtf is wrong with some girls, asked a girl if she wanted to go out, she's from another country and i thought to show her the city, she said yes and gives me her phone, but when i called her or texted her she didnt even answered me.
Why did she gave her phone number if she didnt wanted to answer me.
Im a straight shooter and when i asked her why didnt she give me a reply she said i was pressuring her too much, wtf 1 text msg and 1 unanswered phone call is pressure?!
Please just tell me yes, no or fuck off why the hell dont some girls can say 1 of those 3.
Asked another one if she wanted to go out but she said she has a boyfriend, but we can go out as friends.
How is my dating luck?
My luck is in the gutter.
Why even bother with her then?
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On October 30 2015 15:22 Mikau wrote:I'm about to be on my way to what is probably a break up talk. Sigh
OH oh! Good luck. How long have you been together?
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5 months to the day. Not 2 weeks ago she told me she loved me for the first time, now she's pushing me away (again). I'm not sure if she wants it to be over or if she really loves me but has some kind of commitment issues, but either way I can't deal with this every 2 months.
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On October 30 2015 17:09 Mikau wrote:
5 months to the day. Not 2 weeks ago she told me she loved me for the first time, now she's pushing me away (again). I'm not sure if she wants it to be over or if she really loves me but has some kind of commitment issues, but either way I can't deal with this every 2 months.
Tell her that (tactfully), because you both need to know where each of you stands intimately with one another, and bipolar affection can get really frustrating for you... but just be aware that she's surely confused and worried and figuring out stuff too, so make sure your approach isn't outwardly aggressive or mean towards her.
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On October 30 2015 17:09 Mikau wrote:
5 months to the day. Not 2 weeks ago she told me she loved me for the first time, now she's pushing me away (again). I'm not sure if she wants it to be over or if she really loves me but has some kind of commitment issues, but either way I can't deal with this every 2 months.
My bet's on you being a bit too pushy/needy consistently. When a girl tells you she loves you it's her feeling in the moment, looks like you've done things to put her off afterwards.
So you can either keep doing what you're doing, and be okay with losing her (perfectly fine)
Or you can loosen up and let her come to you. I think most guys get this wrong, certainly I did in many cases before - when you appear to be losing a girl, the best thing to get her back and re-kindle what you have is to give her space and do nothing. Let her contact you always first, even if it takes a week or two and when she does, just ask her out on a date when she does where you focus on the present moment, find out how she feels. That way she literally can never push you away, and will always pull towards you. If she doesn't it's time to move on - don't fall into the illusion of action and instead bring up with serious global conversations like long term commitment etc. when you are on the up and things are going great. When you want to re-kindle your mutual attraction, just take her out, have fun, hook up, let her come to you after the date and ask her out again, do what got her fall in love with you in the first place and keep it simple.
If it really is a breakup talk and you still want her there's only one answer "I'm crazy about you but I have no interest in being friends. So if you change your mind and would like to go out on a romantic date, I want you to give me a call"
Don't overthink, don't get emotional, don't go into deep conversation or blame game, just do that and walk away.
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On October 30 2015 11:33 The_Masked_Shrimp wrote:Show nested quote +On October 30 2015 08:25 CJPD wrote:
hi guys.
Dont't know wtf is wrong with some girls, asked a girl if she wanted to go out, she's from another country and i thought to show her the city, she said yes and gives me her phone, but when i called her or texted her she didnt even answered me.
Why did she gave her phone number if she didnt wanted to answer me.
Im a straight shooter and when i asked her why didnt she give me a reply she said i was pressuring her too much, wtf 1 text msg and 1 unanswered phone call is pressure?!
Please just tell me yes, no or fuck off why the hell dont some girls can say 1 of those 3.
Asked another one if she wanted to go out but she said she has a boyfriend, but we can go out as friends.
How is my dating luck?
My luck is in the gutter. Well it all depends on the timescale. When is that you messaged her after you asked her? How much time passed by before you asked why she didn't answer? If the later is less than 2 days (two full sleep nights after the message), then it would just be an insecurity problem on your part. A lot of girls are not straight shooters, they change their minds/emotions so fast it's kind of like small kids. It's very common for them to just stop contact without giving a reason (not that anybody owes anything to anyone; but it should be the adult way to spontaneously say something when you go back on a previous engagement, even if it's a small one like "yeah sure I'll hang out with you"). And any attempt to get a reason/explanation/adult discussion about that is perceived by them as bullshit/pressure. Also you should make sure you are actually not putting pressure. Asking up front "why don't you answer me?" is very aggressive especially after just a text, she could just have forgotten about your single text or could have been in a busy period, who knows. Obviously not on the same day as the first text you sent, instead of asking vindictively for answers right away, just check more casually "Hi, how are you today?" if she is really ignoring you or not. If no answer and you REALLY like her, give it another shot the following week and then be done with it. You should not want to have anything to do with that kind of girls, ever. And "girls" is the appropriate word, they are not women yet and need to grow up. If a girl ignores you for a sensible amount of time you should just move on and assume that, whatever the reason, she obviously don't want to speak to you (that is the reason, you don't need to ask why), so why would you want anything to do with someone that doesn't want anything to do with you? Then if she contacts you back after some time it is your call to go for it or not.
I didnt pressured her tried to call and text 4 days after she gave me the phone number, and only asked her why she didnt answer 5 days after i phoned her, because it was my last day in the place she works (im a security guard/ private security) all i ever wanted was a yes, no or fuck off.
when i called her i guess she was not doing nothing, because she left work earlier then me, tried it around dinner time 20h30m / 21h00.
Sometimes chicks just can't figure out there minds.
On October 30 2015 16:51 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On October 30 2015 08:25 CJPD wrote:
hi guys.
Dont't know wtf is wrong with some girls, asked a girl if she wanted to go out, she's from another country and i thought to show her the city, she said yes and gives me her phone, but when i called her or texted her she didnt even answered me.
Why did she gave her phone number if she didnt wanted to answer me.
Im a straight shooter and when i asked her why didnt she give me a reply she said i was pressuring her too much, wtf 1 text msg and 1 unanswered phone call is pressure?!
Please just tell me yes, no or fuck off why the hell dont some girls can say 1 of those 3.
Asked another one if she wanted to go out but she said she has a boyfriend, but we can go out as friends.
How is my dating luck?
My luck is in the gutter. Why even bother with her then?
Because shes hot and i dont really know if she wants side action or just be a friend.
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move on man
Say what you want, and then it's up to them to come back to you or not. What's the point in asking why/demanding answers/contacting them more than once. Just ask out more women instead
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Overdue update;
She said yes to the date request. :D
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Man, lately I've been having the emotional equivalent of wet dreams about the woman I'm crushing on... I mean there's still sex in the dreams, just way more of an emotional sex than anything. It's kinda weirding me out, and probably my body telling me to fucking go for it. What do y'all think?
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Holy shit, Tucker Max wrote a thing that's only mildly eyeroll-inducing. Tucker gets a little too biotruthy for my tastes (nevermind the catty woman cliches and the very, very broad strokes he uses to paint women with), but some of it is fair game. Mostly I'm impressed that he discusses thinking about women as people extensively, which is a great first step, considering this guy rose to fame letting the world know about his shitty escapades with unsuspecting women and opining about whether or not he could "fuck the one-eyed chick on the bathroom floor." (More here.)
This is from an excerpted chapter from one of his books, so I'm going to link it and quote a couple of things.
Full article: http://thoughtcatalog.com/tucker-max/2015/10/guys-heres-what-its-actually-like-to-be-a-woman/
On ~*what we really mean*~ when we don't text you:
Here’s how women tell you they aren’t into you: their first line of defense is simply to play it cool, professional, and neutral. They keep their physical and emotional distance, minimize contact and chatter, and eliminate any signs of affection or interest that could be misconstrued as sexual.
On rejection, mixed signals and playing games:
Where it gets problematic is when you don’t get the picture and she has to tell you, because women don’t like having to reject men explicitly. There is a deep evolutionary logic to this preference, and it has a lot to do with minimizing the very real risks they face from publicly humiliating their suitors. It was almost always better for an ancestral woman to keep a guy within her social orbit as a possible nonsexual friend rather than alienate or upset him. Women aren’t being ambiguous and mysterious and elusive because they’re “playing games” or “fucking with your head.” They’re just instinctively trying to reduce the risk of provoking harassment or stalking or violent retaliation.
"But #notallmen!!!!!"
Most guys reading this right now are probably sitting there thinking, “WTF, I’ve never done any of that creepy shit. Don’t lump me in with those assholes.” And we agree. Most of you guys are solid dudes. You’re just suffering for the actions of the highly nonrandom sample of guys who hit on every woman in sight. That’s why it’s so important to understand the world from a woman’s perspective.
Tucker Max's advice for success:
Just talk to her like you already understand that (a) she’s beautiful, and you both know it, (b) she’s felt ambivalent about her beauty for years, and (c) she’d like to be appreciated for things she’s achieved in her life through her own efforts, not through winning the genetic lottery of physical attractiveness.
........ like she's a person. Crazy.
...if your early-stage relationship is going well—even just the first hour of chatting—she might want to have sex with you very soon. And if it’s not going well, she probably won’t have sex with you ever—even if you’re an otherwise attractive guy. If you don’t realize that even the very first hour of talking with her constitutes a type of relationship that needs some level of mutual respect and nurturance, she will especially not have sex with you.
![[image loading]](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m8ivbg4ZjG1qedb29o1_500.gif)
Other takeaways:
- Don't smell like you have STDs.
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Could you leave this shit at Tumblr where it belongs, please?
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On November 01 2015 16:12 WarSame wrote:
Man, lately I've been having the emotional equivalent of wet dreams about the woman I'm crushing on... I mean there's still sex in the dreams, just way more of an emotional sex than anything. It's kinda weirding me out, and probably my body telling me to fucking go for it. What do y'all think?
I dunno is it weird i've only ever had one wet dream in my entire life?
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On November 01 2015 16:12 WarSame wrote:
Man, lately I've been having the emotional equivalent of wet dreams about the woman I'm crushing on... I mean there's still sex in the dreams, just way more of an emotional sex than anything. It's kinda weirding me out, and probably my body telling me to fucking go for it. What do y'all think?
Is there any reason not to go for it?
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On November 01 2015 22:23 arb wrote:Show nested quote +On November 01 2015 16:12 WarSame wrote:
Man, lately I've been having the emotional equivalent of wet dreams about the woman I'm crushing on... I mean there's still sex in the dreams, just way more of an emotional sex than anything. It's kinda weirding me out, and probably my body telling me to fucking go for it. What do y'all think? I dunno is it weird i've only ever had one wet dream in my entire life?
I don't think so, our bodies are different and react different. I think i've had over 10 in my life now and im 25. i honestly hate it, sometimes i wake up just 2 secs before i ejaculate other time i dream of sexing a girl and when i wake up there a wet spot. i hate it
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On November 01 2015 23:00 Copymizer wrote:Show nested quote +On November 01 2015 22:23 arb wrote:On November 01 2015 16:12 WarSame wrote:
Man, lately I've been having the emotional equivalent of wet dreams about the woman I'm crushing on... I mean there's still sex in the dreams, just way more of an emotional sex than anything. It's kinda weirding me out, and probably my body telling me to fucking go for it. What do y'all think? I dunno is it weird i've only ever had one wet dream in my entire life? I don't think so, our bodies are different and react different. I think i've had over 10 in my life now and im 25. i honestly hate it, sometimes i wake up just 2 secs before i ejaculate other time i dream of sexing a girl and when i wake up there a wet spot. i hate it
It's strange ive had several dreams about having sex but only one about my now ex gf was enough to make me cum in my sleep.
she was pretty proud even tho i thought it was kinda childish to do
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EPT
