EPTIt mostly sounds like you're putting too much pressure on everything.
Might I ask what your age is?
Just calm down, easy up, try to relax and it should go much better (this sounds almost impossible at first, but it will make sense in time).
Dating: How's your luck? - Page 696
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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WonnaPlay
Netherlands912 Posts
It mostly sounds like you're putting too much pressure on everything. Might I ask what your age is? Just calm down, easy up, try to relax and it should go much better (this sounds almost impossible at first, but it will make sense in time). | ||
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Ghostcom
Denmark4782 Posts
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On September 16 2015 03:18 bloodwhore~ wrote: Saw this video about this guy going "offline dating". https://vimeo.com/132695239 This is more or less the approach I will go for if/when I walk up to girl at campus. Straight to the point! In. Out. Slam. Bam. UH! It's fine at first, go for it! Ask 100 girls out like that and report back to us  | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On September 16 2015 17:18 WonnaPlay wrote: I don't think 'not fapping' is the best way to get rid of your 404... It mostly sounds like you're putting too much pressure on everything. Might I ask what your age is? I'm sure it is, well not only the fapping part but porn addiction as well. I thought it was pressure in the start as well, however after the second time I thought, fuck it lets go nofap to get the dick and literally nothing happens. Have you seen "Your brain on porn"? Anyway, I'm not going to risk fapping and watching porn just because it was a fluke that I was nervous twice. Even if it was, then my libido should be normal, however it's not even remotely normal. I can feel that I've just fapped because of the addiction and not because I was horny. We've had this discussion before, you can look back in the thread history if you want to know more. And nofap makes for a great motivator to get close to a real girl  . I'm 22.If you have done no-fap for a month and your dick still 404s on you it is definitely a case of stressing out. Learn to relax. I haven't met her for quite some time now due to a variety of different reasons one being me flatlining for 10 days. But I was definitely not stressed, my libido was dead when I was doing absolutely nothing on the summer break so I'm positive it's not that. It's fine at first, go for it! Ask 100 girls out like that and report back to us Well I personally wouldn't do it as much as him for the sole reason of getting a gf like this week. I'd really only do it if I find someone cute and thought she was worth getting to know. I'll definitely tell you guys about it! | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On September 16 2015 20:57 bloodwhore~ wrote: if I find someone cute and thought she was worth getting to know That, say that instead of "would you like to go on a date" when you actually feel it! And practice the would you like to go on a date on all girls and see what happens... The more practice you have the more natural/comfortable you will be with a girl that completely knocks your socks off. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On September 17 2015 00:51 LemOn wrote: It's impossible to "get a gf" in a week anyways, that stuff should take weeks or a few months before you want to make a girl is your girlfriend and you get committed! No of course. I just felt the way he asked some of them or talked about it made it feel rushed and as if he was super desperate to get a date. | ||
[Phantom]
Mexico2170 Posts
Becuase i'm not sure about that. I guess it depends. | ||
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biology]major
United States2253 Posts
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On September 17 2015 05:54 [Phantom] wrote: Not strictly dating related I guess but I'm curious. Do you think you can be in love with a person forever? Either if you are a couple or if you aren't (like, you know in those movies where two people love each other but for some reason have to break up or something, maybe one is leaving the country or whatever, but they still think about each other from time to time even if they moved on with their lifes? Becuase i'm not sure about that. I guess it depends. I think so, I don't think I will be a person who jumps around a lot. I suspect my relationships will go something like. We're in love -> she cheats or does something retarded -> I break up. We're in love -> a year later i find out she is kinda dull -> we break up. We're in love -> I die at the ripe age of 43 because I'm to old for my sports -> she commits sushi for honor. edit: A bit unrelated maybe, but I don't think a relationship I look for now will last forever. Possibly later on when it "just happens", one of those could probably last. | ||
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Impervious
Canada4211 Posts
On September 17 2015 06:09 bloodwhore~ wrote: I think so, I don't think I will be a person who jumps around a lot. I suspect my relationships will go something like. We're in love -> she cheats or does something retarded -> I break up. We're in love -> a year later i find out she is kinda dull -> we break up. We're in love -> I die at the ripe age of 43 because I'm to old for my sports -> she commits sushi for honor. edit: A bit unrelated maybe, but I don't think a relationship I look for now will last forever. Possibly later on when it "just happens", one of those could probably last. I have to keep this for record keeping purposes. | ||
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States45070 Posts
On September 17 2015 05:54 [Phantom] wrote: Not strictly dating related I guess but I'm curious. Do you think you can be in love with a person forever? Either if you are a couple or if you aren't (like, you know in those movies where two people love each other but for some reason have to break up or something, maybe one is leaving the country or whatever, but they still think about each other from time to time even if they moved on with their lifes? Becuase i'm not sure about that. I guess it depends. Well I think it's first important to note that there's a difference between Loving someone and being In Love with someone. The former is that feeling that develops over a period of time as you learn about your partner's hopes and dreams and flaws and you have the important conversations and the good times and the bad times. The latter is puppy love/ lust/ "love at first sight". The latter can come and go based on great date nights or awful fights, etc. But at the end of the day, partners frequently still love one another even if they're temporarily not enamored by them. To truly stop loving someone, I'd assume that it has to be over a long period of time if there are no big unfortunate moments, because of how developed love frequently is... or perhaps something so shocking and disgusting that it breaks your heart quickly (maybe cheating or killing someone?). I think you can easily love someone forever, but to be in love forever implies that every second is hot and 0-to-60 and lust-filled and perfect, and I don't think such a thing is possible (nor should it be expected, really). | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On September 17 2015 05:54 [Phantom] wrote: Not strictly dating related I guess but I'm curious. Do you think you can be in love with a person forever? Either if you are a couple or if you aren't (like, you know in those movies where two people love each other but for some reason have to break up or something, maybe one is leaving the country or whatever, but they still think about each other from time to time even if they moved on with their lifes? Becuase i'm not sure about that. I guess it depends. don't think it depends, the long term chemicals eventually mostly go away and you'd just love the idea of a person. If you keep an open mind, keep putting yourself out there you find someone else you fall in love with. Myth of "The One" is pretty much bullshit movies want you to believe. If you are a couple where both people are compatible with each other and work on being happy each as an individual and also on that third thing which is their relationship? Absolutely! | ||
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Kleinmuuhg
Vanuatu4091 Posts
On September 17 2015 06:09 bloodwhore~ wrote: I think so, I don't think I will be a person who jumps around a lot. I suspect my relationships will go something like. We're in love -> she cheats or does something retarded -> I break up. We're in love -> a year later i find out she is kinda dull -> we break up. We're in love -> I die at the ripe age of 43 because I'm to old for my sports -> she commits sushi for honor. edit: A bit unrelated maybe, but I don't think a relationship I look for now will last forever. Possibly later on when it "just happens", one of those could probably last. So her breaking up with u is no possibility? | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On September 17 2015 21:17 Kleinmuuhg wrote: So her breaking up with u is no possibility? Why would anyone in their right mind want to break up with me? | ||
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Kleinmuuhg
Vanuatu4091 Posts
On September 17 2015 21:20 bloodwhore~ wrote: Why would anyone in their right mind want to break up with me? Touche | ||
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obesechicken13
United States10467 Posts
On September 14 2015 18:45 WonnaPlay wrote: You're overthinking too much. WAY WAY WAY too much. It reminds me of my younger self ; Whenever a girl was into me, I would process the whole potential relationship in my head. If I didn't like her enough, I would tell the girl that it was not going anywhere (even if we had only kissed once), since I never wanted to misuse a girl or didn't want to give false hope. If I liked the girl enough, I would move to fast and wanted a relationship, which in turn scared the girl off. End result : you either scare them away or you scare yourself away --> Never get relationships. It's probably one of the hardest things to do, but try to simplify it for you. Going on 1-2-5 dates with a girl, doesn't have to mean anything. Just have fun in your life. Stop thinking about LDR or Relationships at all, just go out with the girl and see what happens. You're 5 months and 15 meetings too early to be talking about a long distance relationship. Aren't there guys going through a divorce/bad relationship who'll tell you the opposite? Not to jump into relationships without thinking about whether you're compatible. Time is valuable and dating is a large investment of time and money. | ||
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WonnaPlay
Netherlands912 Posts
On September 18 2015 17:56 obesechicken13 wrote: Aren't there guys going through a divorce/bad relationship who'll tell you the opposite? Not to jump into relationships without thinking about whether you're compatible. Time is valuable and dating is a large investment of time and money. That's what I said Never jump in a relationship, it will backfire 99,9% of the time. There's a huge gap, between overthinking something and not thinking at all. I was trying too loosen his resolve from overthinking the situation. @bloodwhore; Regarding the fapping issue, I disagree 100%. I think it's the nerves that get you. No matter how an confident guy you are, the first few (or hundred) times can be really scary/stressfull. Yes, I've seen that video, but I think it's 95% nonsense (meaning that it is only relevant to the crazy fapping few, which ofcourse you might be, I wouldn't know). If you fap 5 times a day, then yes, it will be relevant, but 1x per day isn't wrong or weird. I don't think I can talk you into believing me on this point, so I'll agree to disagree. I guess you'll have to find out such things for yourself (I understand why you're convinced of your point, it makes total sense from your POV, which also makes it so 'recognizable' for me). | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On September 18 2015 23:22 WonnaPlay wrote: Regarding the fapping issue, I disagree 100%. I think it's the nerves that get you. No matter how an confident guy you are, the first few (or hundred) times can be really scary/stressfull. Yes, I've seen that video, but I think it's 95% nonsense (meaning that it is only relevant to the crazy fapping few, which ofcourse you might be, I wouldn't know). If you fap 5 times a day, then yes, it will be relevant, but 1x per day isn't wrong or weird. I don't think I can talk you into believing me on this point, so I'll agree to disagree. I guess you'll have to find out such things for yourself (I understand why you're convinced of your point, it makes total sense from your POV, which also makes it so 'recognizable' for me). Well I don't think it's just the fapping. Sure, the same outcome might have been if it wasn't any problem with my dick. However when I don't even get boners in the morning for weeks just because I stopped fapping and looking at porn - something is definitely wrong. My fapping or my porn watching was not healthy, 2+ per day at least and it wasn't because it felt good it was more like 'meh might as well, haven't done it in an hour'. But yeah I get what you're saying, I probably wouldn't believe it myself before either. | ||
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waffelz
Germany711 Posts
On September 16 2015 05:35 Acrofales wrote: You're still our mascot virign, though, since our previous mascot virgin is hooked up and happy (insofar as I know). Please get yourself a funny suit and jump around in it at half time... Wow, what did I miss during my lurks? I am eager for TL-dating gossip. Never knew we had a mascot virgin before bloodwhore. And for the record, I never had bad intentions when calling bloodwhore a virgin and as long as he is one, to me he will always be the true mascot, disregarding who came first *huehueuhe* At second, I have to take the thread back a few days. Was a bit to active during the whole "ugly-story"-thing which got me right back into hospital until today, so I couldn't respond earlier to a few things. This also will mean that I will later post a detailed list with the ideas of couple activities for retards-who-got-wrecked-again-and-therefore-can't-do-shit-thats-physically-demanding-for-even-more-time-dumdum-you-should-have-taken-better-care-of-yourself-!-!-! and which I took off/dismissed and why I did so. Hoping to get more ideas that way since I might have increased the time where I have to take smaller steps. On September 13 2015 21:13 Fi0na wrote: Look at it from her point of view. She meets you, you are clearly upset. Is it about her? Did she do anything wrong? Can she help you with anything? Those are the questions on her mind. She doesn't need to know any details (technically she doesn't need to know anything), but just shutting her out by telling her it has nothing to do with her doesn't fully answer those questions for her, especially when you are clearly upset over the problem until the next day even. It shows her that you don't trust her and makes her have a bad time. So I believe it is important to at least share the basics. Tell her just enough that she can safely assume that it is not about her without you having to tell it to her face. I'm fairly certain she would understand your feelings (I would probably say as much: an alcoholic irresponsible aweful mother disappeared for 6 days without notice to go drink and left her mostly underaged kids unattended and uninformed which gets you worked up). Your GF then will most likely ask a couple of questions that cumulate in her trying to find out if it is her place to help you help them, which is where you tell her that it is okay and that she hasn't to do so, you only wanted to share what's bothering you so much. This will not only satisfy your GF, but also help you find peace of mind when you are troubled. I didn't realize that "shutting" someone out by telling them that it is nothing that involves them and they don't have to worry about it could display distrust. It seems a bit like over thinking. At least I don't mind if someone tells me I shouldn't worry about something that doesn't involves or affects me in any way. I could be wrong regarding that though, as I am usually pretty direct with my communication when needed. I am used to people around me knowing that and understanding it and in times where I mostly around familiar people I sometimes forget that some stuff I think is obvious usually isn't obvious at all. I also wanted to emphasise on why I exactly was upset. Even though it was an unusual fuckup this time, it wasn't really surprising that the mom once again sank the ship. This should be the point I was upset about, but I wasn't. Shit happened just as expected, only a bit bigger then expected and I simply dealt with it like I always do. I was mostly upset about the guy straight lying to the face of some children that are worried about their mother. I was upset that even after I made clear that I am pretty sure she is in there and that I knew that at least he is at home, he was still trying to act like no one is at home in a really stupid way. I was upset about people being weak not because they are beaten, but because it is easy. I try to explain and fail poorly and instead of showing that for some reason I just accept most things without any real emotional reaction I seem arrogant and careless, while in fact I do care. Setbacks just don't get to me anymore for the most part. I just hate directly revealing big chunks of my personality this way, because it is so easy to get a completely wrong and twisted image of me. When someone talks about himself, you tend to grasp onto things that get your attention in some way and build around that and start assuming stuff etc. . I am a collection of things that seem contradicting and also would make me a horrible or at least weird person if there weren't the things that even it out and if you grasp on the wrong thing you automatically disregard a bunch of good stuff and all goes to shit. A bit exaggerated, but it wouldn't be the first time something like this happened and I really don't want it to happen with my current girlfriend. And there are things that I am pretty sure could make her run away instantly if taken out of context or presented wrong. I do know that sharing is a very important part of the whole bounding and that even despite my blunt nature there are moments I also can benefit from it, but I want to start it properly, while in this story there is to much stuff I would fail at explaining without ending at the wrong place, or just straight up saying "yeah, my life is full of shitheads" without having shown first that it doesn't negatively affect the people around me and isn't something she would have to worry about having to carry. It basically is the old problem of people shouting "I am the good guy, I am the good guy!", without noticing that yelling around that you are the good guy most likely isn't getting your point across. Even if you are, you are more likely to appear as pretentious. The only way you get recognized as the good guy is by acting accordingly and after a long time, very few people will notice while the rest will not care at all. Note that I am not talking about being a "good" person as in not being an ass, but instead of an person that after being witness to his continuous behaviours/actions you would think about "damn, he is actually a really good person". About your friend: If I understand the situation correctly he has really low self-confidence. He doesn't need training talking to women or a hobby first, he needs to be able to be okay with who he is with or without girlfriend. Dating is an emotional rollercoaster, and without confidence you are so easily falling in love with every girl that smiles at you, no matter how far she is from the type of person you are really looking for. But finding a girl shouldn't be about finding someone to give you confidence. So if you want to help your friend, help him improve his self-confidence and being satisfied with who he is. Now that he is far away that's pretty difficult though. There is the fast track (making him work for something he can be proud of, for example going to the gym), but that is a double-edged sword (basing your self-confidence upon your physical prowess/improvement fails when confronted with people that just have a better body, or when you are not making much visible progress for quite some time, or when people de-valuate physical appeareance by saying stuff like "I'm not into buff guys at all"). The long way would be to slowly build him up with compliments, mixing in compliments about him when talking to other people without being ironic, excitement to spend time with him etc. It is hard work and I don't think you can manage that over a longer distance at all. But once he does have self-confidence and doesn't need a girl, he will be able to choose more selectively about who he is going out with. And not set off huge red flags for every girl he goes out with, because if there is one thing that repels women it is a lack of self-confidence. Maybe he will find someone, maybe not. Life is not fair (yup that's my own bitterness talking :p). In case my read of your friend is wrong (which might be possible given I only know a few lines of text) and he is a happy naive guy that does have self-confidence, then all there is to do is finding an equally naive (note I don't mean "naive" in a negative or condescending way, but you know what I mean. I admire people who go through life with less sorrows than others) girl. While he definitely does have some problems with his self-esteem, I am not sure that this is really the cause of this his attitude that every knew female he get to know could be "the one". I also wasn't talking about him getting more practice in dating, but just more being around women as a way to get him to see them just as people you can hang out with first and then as people you could date. He does have hobbies that he is good at, even though they might be niche, so he got that covered. Gym and physical improvement he surely would love but lets say he rolled a bunch of snake-eyes on his character-creation... he is not stupid nor does he lack character but everywhere else... lots of snake-eyes. And me telling him to join a gym would be just adding insult to injury as I am pretty sure he already envies me a great deal. About the reasons why he sees every girl instantly as a potential date and what to do about it, I am completely clueless at this point because I never felt that way or been in that situation and I also do know no one that could have been at this point and would talk to me about it openly. I might be wrong and it is only his self esteem after all, but I don't know. I hoped there might be some people in here who are/where familiar with this kind of problem and how to get over it. Its a really big issue for me. I know him since forever, he is a good friend and it does definitely puts a lot of stress on him. He already had a breakdown of some sort in the past and this time I wouldn't be able to help the same amount I did then and probably wouldn't notice as fast. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
Well we got in contact but he/she refused to tell her name "because it was so unique"? She/he seemed to be fairly immature over text and at one point talked about "herself" in third person. Anyway, I'm going climbing in 1.5 hours and there might be a girl joining, a guy or it might be a nobody. I think there might be a chance that I'm being catfished, doesn't really matter though since I was going climbing anyway however I am kind of nervous about the outcome. I'll update when I get back. | ||
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, pretty funny though.
