EPTAlso, puerk, I admire the way that you argue.
Dating: How's your luck? - Page 589
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
Also, puerk, I admire the way that you argue. | ||
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Thalandros
Netherlands1151 Posts
On February 17 2015 09:28 WarSame wrote: I agree with Mikau that you probably aren`t only 1 day late. Things like relationships don`t tend to evolve over 1 day. They`ve likely been seeing each other for a while now. Also, puerk, I admire the way that you argue. Well, bring in alcohol and partying and relationships can happen at an accelerated rate  I agree with you though. But there would be no reason for her to say no to a first date a day before. I'm not saying it would've all gone perfect had I asked that question any other day before that saturday, I'm just saying that it really didnt come together well and I'm sure I would've had a better shot (aka not getting autorejected because she already dates). As I've said before too, she's very active on social media and I've never seen her -ever- talk or post or w/e about this guy. Might just be a coincidence, but it really doesn't seem like that to me. They might've been attracted to each other before, but I don't think they've been seeing each other more. Oh well. It doesn't really matter I guess. I just feel really unlucky and beaten, and I should've had more balls at the start. :/ | ||
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Yoz
Australia357 Posts
On February 17 2015 08:47 Thalandros wrote: Every time I think of being ONE DAY TOO LATE with asking her in a timespan of SIX MONTHS I get a little bit more mad at myself. I'm pretty sure we've all been there and done that. Or at least I have. Consider it a lesson learnt. Stop waiting for the perfect moment next time and just seize the opportunities you have. It's especially noticeable when you're going after a pretty girl because there's probably several other guys who want to date her as well. As with other people you probably weren't one day late so stop beating yourself up over a single day. It's hard to say what it's like in school in the Netherlands but it probably takes a while to hit 'Facebook Official' if it's anything like in Australia. On February 17 2015 09:06 LemOn wrote: just wanna say - I suck at dating but getting better. had 1gf 6mo at 18 1gf 5years at 20+ 1gf 6mo at 27 and now for the first time in my life I'm actively dating. been on 5 dates last month 6th tomorrow with different girls and it's freaking hard, I always try to be funny and sarcastic too much, I struggle with paying compliments when Im actually thinking them.. like I'm afraid to say I like things I like about her, do things I wanna do like kiss, touch etc. dunno why but it feels uncomfortable Learned that I actually can do some touching when I want to and not be afraid of it, hug instead of handshake always when you meet the girl Slowly it's coming from the interview slightly creepy vibe to a normal thing but I'll need tons of practice as this time I want to be the one who doesn't settle and is comfortable and confident being himself with women. It's a grind but I'm slowly starting to enjoy it with help of some books, and amateur coaches and tons of getting self out of comfort zone. I guess better late in life than never  I've always had a similar issue to you regarding being touchy-feely. I'd like to think I'm quite pleasant and sociable on a date but I've never felt comfortable touching/kissing girls early on in the dating process. Usually I just psych myself up a little and go for it even if I think I'm being a little awkward. And it usually works because if they're into you then they probably won't notice (or won't mind) that you're slightly awkward. Also.. It took me far too long to realise that even if they're not interested it's nothing major so there's really no harm in going for a kiss/touch. I'm not sure why but I used to run through all these worst case what-if-it-gets-mega-awkward scenarios in my head but if your attempt fails it's really just completely uneventful and nothing bad happens. | ||
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WombaT
Northern Ireland23353 Posts
On February 16 2015 23:35 xDaunt wrote: Yeah, single parenting is rough. I'm married with two small children, but I have had the "opportunity" to take care of them on my own when my wife has gone out of town on business. Definitely no cake walk. As for getting advice on your situation, I'd suggest that there isn't too much that you need. Parenting is just something that parents have to figure out largely on their own. Presuming that you had competent parents of your own or know people who have been good parents, you already have a model for how to do it. The catch is that you just have to work harder at it because you're on your own. What you really need is to have a support network in place (ie grandparents, uncles, aunts, etc) who can help you out with watching your kid so that you can still have at least a semblance of a social life and maintain your sanity. My ex is an unbelievable cunt who I have constant issues with. I'm happy with a distanced thing with me seeing my son independently of her but she can't even do that. She whacked my son in daycare on the day I generally mind him because I missed ONE week with a genuine illness (that was pretty much 2 weeks long) I withdrew from university to take care of him and earn money for that purpose, she is able to pursue a Masters despite being considerably less smart than me. She has a new boyfriend who is a lawyer who specialises in child law. Essentially I'm fucked, she has free legal advice, I don't. She earns more than me per month to pay for such advice despite not working because of benefits + the money I give her for him (2x the amount I'm legally obligated to pay) My family are fantastic and supportive just its a lonely situation because I know nobody in the same position | ||
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waffelz
Germany711 Posts
On February 17 2015 10:24 Wombat_NI wrote: My ex is an unbelievable cunt who I have constant issues with. I'm happy with a distanced thing with me seeing my son independently of her but she can't even do that. She whacked my son in daycare on the day I generally mind him because I missed ONE week with a genuine illness (that was pretty much 2 weeks long) I withdrew from university to take care of him and earn money for that purpose, she is able to pursue a Masters despite being considerably less smart than me. She has a new boyfriend who is a lawyer who specialises in child law. Essentially I'm fucked, she has free legal advice, I don't. She earns more than me per month to pay for such advice despite not working because of benefits + the money I give her for him (2x the amount I'm legally obligated to pay) My family are fantastic and supportive just its a lonely situation because I know nobody in the same position Even though there are always 2 sides of a story, that really sounds fucked up on her part. I got this one ex who up to this day is a huge pain since we no longer have any connection and she still talks shit about me, despite her being the one who cheated on me and exploited me, but luckily there are no children involved. All I can say is that it really seem like you are a men one can look up to. I genuinely wish that things change for the better for you. | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
On February 17 2015 09:38 Thalandros wrote: Well, bring in alcohol and partying and relationships can happen at an accelerated rate I agree with you though. But there would be no reason for her to say no to a first date a day before. I'm not saying it would've all gone perfect had I asked that question any other day before that saturday, I'm just saying that it really didnt come together well and I'm sure I would've had a better shot (aka not getting autorejected because she already dates). As I've said before too, she's very active on social media and I've never seen her -ever- talk or post or w/e about this guy. Might just be a coincidence, but it really doesn't seem like that to me. They might've been attracted to each other before, but I don't think they've been seeing each other more. Oh well. It doesn't really matter I guess. I just feel really unlucky and beaten, and I should've had more balls at the start. :/Don't kid yourself. If you had a chance you were one or two months late, not one day. Although she could've technically said yes to a date with you on that party it would've been a dick move to the other guy. That being said you can be proud of yourself for doing it. It takes guts to open yourself up like that but you did it. Trust me when I say you are going to be absolutely fine in the dating game. One last piece of advice from my own experience: Every once in a while you'll find a girl you'll totally obsess over and a lot of times her feelings for you will not be mutual. Now you can become one of those guys who wastes years of his life on those kind of crushes or you can simply try to go for it, and if it doesn't work, move on. You'll be surprised how many amazing girls you'll meet when you're not even looking. GL man | ||
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CatNzHat
United States1599 Posts
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DemigodcelpH
1138 Posts
On February 16 2015 20:16 evilfatsh1t wrote: i initially didnt want to reply at risk of being just outright labelled as a sexist or something, but if you guys honestly think that generally speaking men are considered to be more emotional than females, then you and i must live in totally different worlds. im not saying men cant be affected by hormones or other factors, but its pretty widely accepted that women are more emotionally turbulent. pms jokes, emotional jokes and all the other stereotypes didnt come out of nowhere. theyre stereotypes for a reason They're not. As a man yourself you're more likely to be generally ignorant to your own irrational tendacies and more observant of irrational tendencies in females (people are the worst judges of themselves; the reverse is true for females too) so it's easy to say "wow women are emotional!". In reality if testosterone is any judgement then men are just as or even more prone to emotional behavior. Rage and pride have nothing to do with logic. | ||
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evilfatsh1t
Australia8596 Posts
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puerk
Germany855 Posts
On February 17 2015 09:28 WarSame wrote: Also, puerk, I admire the way that you argue. Thats nice, you can date me if you like  | ||
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Mikau
Netherlands1446 Posts
On February 17 2015 15:53 evilfatsh1t wrote: lol everyone here is trying to kill that topic and move on and you go and bring it up again. you not only repeated your initial post, you called men ignorant and failed to counter any of the other arguments i made in my post. youre either a feminist, a troll or massively ignorant but either way youre not doing much to help your standpoint and since everyones moved on from this you should probably just drop it too. You didn't actually make any points to counter, you just said "lol ok bro". He actually has a valid point, you're just too hung up in your ideas that men are rational and women aren't to read it. | ||
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DemigodcelpH
1138 Posts
On February 17 2015 15:53 evilfatsh1t wrote: lol everyone here is trying to kill that topic and move on and you go and bring it up again. you not only repeated your initial post, you called men ignorant and failed to counter any of the other arguments i made in my post. youre either a feminist, a troll or massively ignorant but either way youre not doing much to help your standpoint and since everyones moved on from this you should probably just drop it too. I responded because you replied to me. You made some mistakes so I explained them to you. I didn't call men ignorant. I said that all humans are more likely to be oblivious to their own shortcomings (thus men -> men and women -> women). The rest of your post is just ad-hominem and general childishness because you don't seem to have a rebuttal. | ||
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Thalandros
Netherlands1151 Posts
On February 17 2015 09:55 Yoz wrote: I'm pretty sure we've all been there and done that. Or at least I have. Consider it a lesson learnt. Stop waiting for the perfect moment next time and just seize the opportunities you have. It's especially noticeable when you're going after a pretty girl because there's probably several other guys who want to date her as well. As with other people you probably weren't one day late so stop beating yourself up over a single day. It's hard to say what it's like in school in the Netherlands but it probably takes a while to hit 'Facebook Official' if it's anything like in Australia. I don't know. Yeah, I probably think she's the perfect specimen of humankind, but I was legitimately surprised to learn she hasn't had an actual relationship for 3 years. I am going to consider it a lesson learned in the end I guess, I feel pretty physically sick at the moment. Out of all the things she could've said, this shocked me the most. I had already made peace with ''No''!And I'm not sure about if she's been seeing the guy for that much longer. I've never seen them on any pictures or posts together, it's not like they ''officially'' posted it anywhere, I just happened to see the heart-smiley under one of the pictures. God damn it, regret is the worst feeling, especially after actually having done it, just too late. I think the reason I held back is that I wasn't ever confident she'd say yes and I wanted to heighten that chance; the rose-giving would assist me with that. Now that I know that my chances weren't even that low (well, I guess I don't know, but from her reaction at least), I'll be a lot more daring and I suppose confident in the future... I just needed to fucking go for it >< | ||
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evilfatsh1t
Australia8596 Posts
User was temp banned for this post and for mod history | ||
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Ghostcom
Denmark4781 Posts
On February 17 2015 19:52 Thalandros wrote: I don't know. Yeah, I probably think she's the perfect specimen of humankind, but I was legitimately surprised to learn she hasn't had an actual relationship for 3 years. I am going to consider it a lesson learned in the end I guess, I feel pretty physically sick at the moment. Out of all the things she could've said, this shocked me the most. I had already made peace with ''No''!And I'm not sure about if she's been seeing the guy for that much longer. I've never seen them on any pictures or posts together, it's not like they ''officially'' posted it anywhere, I just happened to see the heart-smiley under one of the pictures. God damn it, regret is the worst feeling, especially after actually having done it, just too late. I think the reason I held back is that I wasn't ever confident she'd say yes and I wanted to heighten that chance; the rose-giving would assist me with that. Now that I know that my chances weren't even that low (well, I guess I don't know, but from her reaction at least), I'll be a lot more daring and I suppose confident in the future... I just needed to fucking go for it >< 2 things: 1) She's not the perfect specimen of humankind - you'll find others (I know, doesn't help to hear, but it's the truth). 2) You learned a very valuable lesson - and it can be applied to all aspects of life. Just fucking go for it! | ||
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Thalandros
Netherlands1151 Posts
On February 17 2015 20:26 Ghostcom wrote: 2 things: 1) She's not the perfect specimen of humankind - you'll find others (I know, doesn't help to hear, but it's the truth). 2) You learned a very valuable lesson - and it can be applied to all aspects of life. Just fucking go for it! Yup, I know, I just said ''perfect specimen of humankind'' to make my point come across. Although it feels that way, I know it's not but it's hard to see differently right now! Thanks. | ||
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WonnaPlay
Netherlands912 Posts
On February 17 2015 21:04 Thalandros wrote: Yup, I know, I just said ''perfect specimen of humankind'' to make my point come across. Although it feels that way, I know it's not but it's hard to see differently right now! Thanks. Hi Thalandros, From your posts I´m assuming you´re somewhere in the 14-17yrs area? Doesn't really matter, but for the sake of advice it might come up handy. anyways; As people have said above me, you probably weren't too late by one day, so you should really try and stop blaming yourself. People can be in relationships for 5 years without even sharing it on FB. IMHO sharing stuff like that on FB is just kinda sad. I know really well how it feels to think of someone as some perfect specimen, however 90% of those times, it is just in your head. The illusion of someone is often much much greater and better than the person itself in the end. How well do you really know this girl? You said it yourself ; "just fucking go for it", I can't emphasize how important this line is and it isn't something you can just change yourself into. It has to go gradually, but the more you realize "It's just one girl, if not the next" the better it is. When I was younger (read: 14-17, just turned 26 btw), I would be in the exact situation as you. I would be good at making girl friends, but horrible at girlfriends. I would fall hardcore for a girl and not tell her for 3 months, just waiting and waiting and waiting for the perfect moment. Once that "perfect moment" comes, she either is a] dating, b] see's you as a friend, c] not interested in you, d] you somehow don't come across her anymore (i.e. you would see her every day during public transport or w/e). When I think back, there's atleast 3 girls I could've kissed whenever, yet never dared. What I would say to you (or myself in that matter) is; Be confident. Even if you're not. Just tell the girl what you think, when you think it (ofcourse moderate it alittle, don't go shouting "I WANT TO FUCK YOU"). When you see a pretty girl in a club ( i hate clubbing), or at a friends party, colleague, classmate or whatever, just go to her. Don't fall in love from 5 meters away, don't try to make eye-contact all day and once she looks at you twice - or smiles at you once, think that she is in love with you. Just step up, make a conversation, see how it goes. Don't wait for a better moment, don't wait for her to do something, just woo her. It'll be hard in the beginning, It's going to make for some awkward situations for sure, It's going to be exciting, but it's worth it. There will come a time when suddenly all that tension, stress etc. is just gone. It'll become easy, just like practicing 6pool,4gate or 2rax 100 times, it gets easier and more fun! There's a ton of sweet girls in NL, so there shouldn't be any problem finding a new girl PS. for me, it really helped on holidays etc. where somehow there's less pressure etc. I would go on holidays with my parents (Southern france/ Spain) and just do, what I wouldn't dare do in NL, i.e. walking to the 2 hot swedish girls dancing by themselves and start a normal conversation instead of the 10 dudes who tried humping them. Try to always be yourself, don't change for anyone (your personality. If a girl doesn't like what you do? Get away from her. If a girl gets angry at you for doing shit in the first 1-2 months? Get away from her. You think the girl is hot, but you think she's thick? Get away from her. You think the girl is ugly, but its an easy score? Get away from her. You meet a girl who'm you like, is smart,sexy and she seems to like you? Cling on her as if it's a fucking Willy Wonka Golden ticket. edit ; jezus.. I should get back to work lol | ||
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SixStrings
Germany2046 Posts
On February 17 2015 10:24 Wombat_NI wrote: My ex is an unbelievable cunt who I have constant issues with. I'm happy with a distanced thing with me seeing my son independently of her but she can't even do that. She whacked my son in daycare on the day I generally mind him because I missed ONE week with a genuine illness (that was pretty much 2 weeks long) I withdrew from university to take care of him and earn money for that purpose, she is able to pursue a Masters despite being considerably less smart than me. She has a new boyfriend who is a lawyer who specialises in child law. Essentially I'm fucked, she has free legal advice, I don't. She earns more than me per month to pay for such advice despite not working because of benefits + the money I give her for him (2x the amount I'm legally obligated to pay) My family are fantastic and supportive just its a lonely situation because I know nobody in the same position Man that son of yours is lucky to have you, and so is this thread. Your problems really put in perspective our whinging... | ||
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GoTuNk!
Chile4591 Posts
On February 18 2015 00:16 SixStrings wrote: Man that son of yours is lucky to have you, and so is this thread. Your problems really put in perspective our whinging... I will second this, you didn't even bring up biased courts. At the guys struggling to aproach woman: “A good plan violently executed now is better than a perfect plan executed next week.” - George S. Patton | ||
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Thalandros
Netherlands1151 Posts
On February 17 2015 23:52 WonnaPlay wrote: Hi Thalandros, From your posts I´m assuming you´re somewhere in the 14-17yrs area? Doesn't really matter, but for the sake of advice it might come up handy. anyways; As people have said above me, you probably weren't too late by one day, so you should really try and stop blaming yourself. People can be in relationships for 5 years without even sharing it on FB. IMHO sharing stuff like that on FB is just kinda sad. I know really well how it feels to think of someone as some perfect specimen, however 90% of those times, it is just in your head. The illusion of someone is often much much greater and better than the person itself in the end. How well do you really know this girl? You said it yourself ; "just fucking go for it", I can't emphasize how important this line is and it isn't something you can just change yourself into. It has to go gradually, but the more you realize "It's just one girl, if not the next" the better it is. When I was younger (read: 14-17, just turned 26 btw), I would be in the exact situation as you. I would be good at making girl friends, but horrible at girlfriends. I would fall hardcore for a girl and not tell her for 3 months, just waiting and waiting and waiting for the perfect moment. Once that "perfect moment" comes, she either is a] dating, b] see's you as a friend, c] not interested in you, d] you somehow don't come across her anymore (i.e. you would see her every day during public transport or w/e). When I think back, there's atleast 3 girls I could've kissed whenever, yet never dared. What I would say to you (or myself in that matter) is; Be confident. Even if you're not. Just tell the girl what you think, when you think it (ofcourse moderate it alittle, don't go shouting "I WANT TO FUCK YOU"). When you see a pretty girl in a club ( i hate clubbing), or at a friends party, colleague, classmate or whatever, just go to her. Don't fall in love from 5 meters away, don't try to make eye-contact all day and once she looks at you twice - or smiles at you once, think that she is in love with you. Just step up, make a conversation, see how it goes. Don't wait for a better moment, don't wait for her to do something, just woo her. It'll be hard in the beginning, It's going to make for some awkward situations for sure, It's going to be exciting, but it's worth it. There will come a time when suddenly all that tension, stress etc. is just gone. It'll become easy, just like practicing 6pool,4gate or 2rax 100 times, it gets easier and more fun! There's a ton of sweet girls in NL, so there shouldn't be any problem finding a new girl PS. for me, it really helped on holidays etc. where somehow there's less pressure etc. I would go on holidays with my parents (Southern france/ Spain) and just do, what I wouldn't dare do in NL, i.e. walking to the 2 hot swedish girls dancing by themselves and start a normal conversation instead of the 10 dudes who tried humping them. Try to always be yourself, don't change for anyone (your personality. If a girl doesn't like what you do? Get away from her. If a girl gets angry at you for doing shit in the first 1-2 months? Get away from her. You think the girl is hot, but you think she's thick? Get away from her. You think the girl is ugly, but its an easy score? Get away from her. You meet a girl who'm you like, is smart,sexy and she seems to like you? Cling on her as if it's a fucking Willy Wonka Golden ticket. edit ; jezus.. I should get back to work lol Thanks for the advice man, don't let your work get ruined because of a teenager's hormones on the internet haha :D I'm 17 years old yes, last year of high school. I know it's just in my head. It's just very hard to lay down and think of it as a nonissue though. I'm sure I'm not special in this, but I have a hard time liking people in the first place, men and women. It feels like it's very hard to find people alike, especially women. I'm a very analytical person so I analyse everything way too much. it's both a blessing and a curse. I'd been sharing classes with this girl for 2 years, and I ''fell for her'' right before the end of last year. This year, I don't share a single class and with no real experience in the past it's very hard to maintain contact. She likes basketball and so do I. She shares all these traits with me and I couldn't help but get so excited over her. It's really really rare for that to happen to me (either for guys as good friends or girls as a potential girlfriend) considering I'm a bit of an outsider (or atleast, used to be). It just sucks, because in my head I'm a really caring person if I want to be and I think I'd be quite a good partner! Getting there isn't so easy I suppose! I've learned a lot from this experience I think and I'll be reminded of it next time I see a girl like her that I'm interested in. It just sucks that I have to be let down this way. It could've been no, it could've been yes, but this is not an answer I had expected (I've never seen her engaged with a guy on a relationship level in those 3 years. I thought she was kind of distant towards it and maybe a little bit shy, which, again, made me feel similar and attracted to her! And she might be. I was just too late and I have to live with it. It's so annoying though, because I'll be forever clinging to that thought; ''What if she was free? Would she have said yes to a first date?'' I'm going to try to not wait around, but it gets so much harder when she doesn't tell you ''no'', but not ''yes'' either! If you get what I mean. Oh well. I'll be fine in a week, or a couple of days. It just came as such an (unexpected) shock. Really leaves you with the ''what if'' thought waving around in your head. It COULD have happened. But it didn't. Thanks for the help anyway man, time heals everything even my own mistakes. I guess I should be happy that 1. If she's ever free again soon, I can just try again and more relaxed this time, and 2. Meeting her next time's not going to be awkward at all. | ||
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