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On December 11 2014 21:44 Wombat_NI wrote: Plus without something I think some women will be naturally thinking, 'he had a good time but he's probably not romantically interested'.
Actually my biggest weakness in these matters, super terrible at kissing someone for the first time. Once I have that, future spontaneous kissing is fine, or parts beyond but Jesus I find it super awkward.
Just go in 90%, make her feel the magic, and she'll come in the other 10%.
On December 11 2014 21:55 Wombat_NI wrote: Haha this time I was lucky in that she's from Brazil so I just lead with 'is it customary to kiss goodbye' and we both kinda went for it.
I thought in this day of perpetual outrage we men needed 100% contractual agreement for any physical contact or were privileged shitlords?
Well I don't think many women would scream rape or chauvinism if you move in slowly for a kiss goodbye, but I'm glad it worked out
After the first cup of tea we moved to my sofa, there we sat for quite some time and, like I mentioned before, she talked & laughed a lot so in my opinion it seems like she enjoyed my company. Most of the time she was sitting on the other side of the sofa (it is a small one for three persons, so there was not much space between us) with her arms around her knees, facing my direction. While we were talking I moved closer to her and placed my hand on her knee/shank.You know, to have some physical contact. Then I showed her a short trailer for a funny movie she was interested in, I took my laptop placed it on my lap and sat right next to her. After the trailer was over (like 3 mins), she immediately said that it is already 11 p.m. and asked when the next train was leaving. We went to the trainstation where she hugged me and said, like mentioned before, "Thank you for the nice evening".
Now the thing why I did not kiss her, is that this whole time I had the feeling, that she was not feeling very comfortable with physical contact. Maybe I was wrong, don't know about that though. On the other hand she immidiately agreed when I asked her out and she was looking forward to see me. And like I said we had a very nice evening.
Nevertheless, at the end of the day it probably won't matter, because I guess that you guys are right and I missed the chance. Better luck next time...
On December 11 2014 22:40 JoeCool wrote: After the first cup of tea we moved to my sofa, there we sat for quite some time and, like I mentioned before, she talked & laughed a lot so in my opinion it seems like she enjoyed my company. Most of the time she was sitting on the other side of the sofa (it is a small one for three persons, so there was not much space between us) with her arms around her knees, facing my direction. While we were talking I moved closer to her and placed my hand on her knee/shank.You know, to have some physical contact. Then I showed her a short trailer for a funny movie she was interested in, I took my laptop placed it on my lap and sat right next to her. After the trailer was over (like 3 mins), she immediately said that it is already 11 p.m. and asked when the next train was leaving. We went to the trainstation where she hugged me and said, like mentioned before, "Thank you for the nice evening".
Now the thing why I did not kiss her, is that this whole time I had the feeling, that she was not feeling very comfortable with physical contact. Maybe I was wrong, don't know about that though. On the other hand she immidiately agreed when I asked her out and she was looking forward to see me. And like I said we had a very nice evening.
Nevertheless, at the end of the day it probably won't matter, because I guess that you guys are right and I missed the chance. Better luck next time...
I am a big noob in terms of dating, but I kinda feel like you guys overemphasise the kissing-part. I dont think it is really that worse if you take it slower, especially when it comes to kissing etc. I am very oldschool and believe there is nothing wrong with getting to know each other a little bit better first. The risk of misleading signs and going for a more physicalkcontact to early doesnt outweight its benefits in my opinion, since it would be a huge bummer.
Also, you said you felt like she wasnt very comfortable with physical contact so going for a kiss would possibly have been one of the worst ideas. From your story and especially the part where she said it was a nice evening, I would say you guys had a nice and mature date that she enjoyed. I would say consistency is definitly a better plan than rushing to fast. As long as she isnt sending clear signals, dont go to far.
It also might possible that for her it really was just a nice evening, but thats something only you can find out. Just look forward to see her again, be consistent and dont all-in without scouting if she's walled in completely
Also, I think it depends on what type of relationship you are seeking/on what you want to build it. Physical attraction is good on shert terms, but wont work out in the long run. You can get physical attracted and build the start of your relationship on that, but If you dont manage to "get eachother" on a personal level later on, it wont be a long/enjoyable ride.
On December 11 2014 21:55 Wombat_NI wrote: Haha this time I was lucky in that she's from Brazil so I just lead with 'is it customary to kiss goodbye' and we both kinda went for it.
I thought in this day of perpetual outrage we men needed 100% contractual agreement for any physical contact or were privileged shitlords?
Well I don't think many women would scream rape or chauvinism if you move in slowly for a kiss goodbye, but I'm glad it worked out
I was being somewhat facetious there but yeah distance aside it's going well, she's staying with me a few days over Christmas in lieu of me seeing my son so at least I won't be miserable!
Hello, i'm here with a doubt. I'm 26 and right now i'm dating this woman (2 years older than me, well into business of art sales and so on). We met at a party and dated 5 times, she is really interested in me and we had interesting sexual times, even if i felt a bit unconfortable with her because she is shy and it was not very entertaining. The fact is that she doesn't like my lifestyle, even if she is mature enough to let me do whatever i want. In particular she hates that i live in a dirty flat with 10 other people and i take psychedelics. She was really unfriendly with my flatmates, that i consider as my real family.
She didn't want to join a giant party we had in our house, and there i met this girl, completely different from her. We leughed a lot and in the end we slept together and it was really good. I had the sensation that she was really open and easy going. Yesterday i went to dinner in her house, we enjoyed a lot, she told me that she is really into videogames, she plays magic (ARE YOU KIDDING ME NOW YOU WILL PLAY HS WITH ME), acts like a man, she loved my house and my lifestyle, but being 20 years old she does not represent for me an improvement in my life as the other woman, who was very mature.
What shall i do? I really don't want to date 2 different girls because is stressing and it will collapse into me at a certain point. So i told to this second girl that i'm dating another woman but after meeting with her i got in love with her, so i want to stop dating the first one. What do you think? Shall i stick with the older and mature one or go with the easy going and videogames addicted one? She even plays age of mythology in lan with her flatmates, omg i love her.
Ok well you're in the infatuation stage with the second woman, but you're much MUCH more enthused while discussing her, the older more mature one not so much.
The younger one seems a better fit for what you're into, and you don't seem to even enjoy sex with the first one. It seems a bit of a no-brainer, go with your idea of ending it with the first woman and get something going with this other girl.
You are right to not think dating both is a particularly good idea IMO
I'm 25 and have people I know within the 18-30 range, with variable correlation between age and maturity among them. While it's good you're keeping that in mind, enjoy being young and unencumbered while you can (as long as you don't become a total fuckup obviously)
Just inferring from what you wrote it strikes me that you almost like the first woman for what she represents (maturity and professional advancement), than her as a person and a partner.
On December 11 2014 21:55 Wombat_NI wrote: Haha this time I was lucky in that she's from Brazil so I just lead with 'is it customary to kiss goodbye' and we both kinda went for it.
I thought in this day of perpetual outrage we men needed 100% contractual agreement for any physical contact or were privileged shitlords?
Well I don't think many women would scream rape or chauvinism if you move in slowly for a kiss goodbye, but I'm glad it worked out
I was being somewhat facetious there but yeah distance aside it's going well, she's staying with me a few days over Christmas in lieu of me seeing my son so at least I won't be miserable!
Haha fair enough ^^
On December 11 2014 22:40 JoeCool wrote: After the first cup of tea we moved to my sofa, there we sat for quite some time and, like I mentioned before, she talked & laughed a lot so in my opinion it seems like she enjoyed my company. Most of the time she was sitting on the other side of the sofa (it is a small one for three persons, so there was not much space between us) with her arms around her knees, facing my direction. While we were talking I moved closer to her and placed my hand on her knee/shank.You know, to have some physical contact. Then I showed her a short trailer for a funny movie she was interested in, I took my laptop placed it on my lap and sat right next to her. After the trailer was over (like 3 mins), she immediately said that it is already 11 p.m. and asked when the next train was leaving. We went to the trainstation where she hugged me and said, like mentioned before, "Thank you for the nice evening".
Now the thing why I did not kiss her, is that this whole time I had the feeling, that she was not feeling very comfortable with physical contact. Maybe I was wrong, don't know about that though. On the other hand she immidiately agreed when I asked her out and she was looking forward to see me. And like I said we had a very nice evening.
Nevertheless, at the end of the day it probably won't matter, because I guess that you guys are right and I missed the chance. Better luck next time...
It sounds like you two had a really really really platonic time together.
On December 11 2014 23:34 SUINELLA wrote: Hello, i'm here with a doubt. I'm 26 and right now i'm dating this woman (2 years older than me, well into business of art sales and so on). We met at a party and dated 5 times, she is really interested in me and we had interesting sexual times, even if i felt a bit unconfortable with her because she is shy and it was not very entertaining. The fact is that she doesn't like my lifestyle, even if she is mature enough to let me do whatever i want. In particular she hates that i live in a dirty flat with 10 other people and i take psychedelics. She was really unfriendly with my flatmates, that i consider as my real family.
She didn't want to join a giant party we had in our house, and there i met this girl, completely different from her. We leughed a lot and in the end we slept together and it was really good. I had the sensation that she was really open and easy going. Yesterday i went to dinner in her house, we enjoyed a lot, she told me that she is really into videogames, she plays magic (ARE YOU KIDDING ME NOW YOU WILL PLAY HS WITH ME), acts like a man, she loved my house and my lifestyle, but being 20 years old she does not represent for me an improvement in my life as the other woman, who was very mature.
What shall i do? I really don't want to date 2 different girls because is stressing and it will collapse into me at a certain point. So i told to this second girl that i'm dating another woman but after meeting with her i got in love with her, so i want to stop dating the first one. What do you think? Shall i stick with the older and mature one or go with the easy going and videogames addicted one? She even plays age of mythology in lan with her flatmates, omg i love her.
You have no future with the first one, because she's not accepting of your lifestyle. It's pretty clear that she's not going to completely change her mindset (nor should she necessarily), and so you two just appear to be very incompatible as far as a meaningful relationship goes. You two are each probably wonderful people apart, but it doesn't look like you two as a couple will work out... especially when she dislikes your flatmates and friends.
And you and this second girl seem practically made for each other. As Wombat pointed out, you're super excited to be with her because you two have a lot in common. Obviously right now it's just puppy love/ lust, but it looks like you should go after that second girl.
Are you and the first girl exclusive/ officially dating? If not, you don't need to formally break up with her or anything before you (continue to) go after the second one. If you are supposed to be exclusive with the first one, then first of all you're a scumbag for cheating on her, and secondly, break up with her nicely (explain your situation) and move on to the second girl.
On December 11 2014 23:41 Wombat_NI wrote: Just inferring from what you wrote it strikes me that you almost like the first woman for what she represents (maturity and professional advancement), than her as a person and a partner.
He thinks the exact same way about the other one. It's just not blatant in his wording. The relevant question is, why does he evaluate her in this way?
On December 11 2014 23:34 SUINELLA wrote: Hello, i'm here with a doubt. I'm 26 and right now i'm dating this woman (2 years older than me, well into business of art sales and so on). We met at a party and dated 5 times, she is really interested in me and we had interesting sexual times, even if i felt a bit uncomfortable with her because she is shy and it was not very entertaining. The fact is that she doesn't like my lifestyle, even if she is mature enough to let me do whatever i want. In particular she hates that i live in a dirty flat with 10 other people and i take psychedelics. She was really unfriendly with my flatmates, that i consider as my real family.
Well, why is she with you if she disapproves of your lifestyle and your friends?
On December 11 2014 23:34 SUINELLA wrote: She didn't want to join a giant party we had in our house, and there i met this girl, completely different from her. We laughed a lot and in the end we slept together and it was really good. I had the sensation that she was really open and easy going. Yesterday i went to dinner in her house, we enjoyed a lot, she told me that she is really into videogames, she plays magic (ARE YOU KIDDING ME NOW YOU WILL PLAY HS WITH ME), acts like a man, she loved my house and my lifestyle, but being 20 years old she does not represent for me an improvement in my life as the other woman, who was very mature.
Are you sure that this 20 year old is not mature? You would have to rely on a lot more than age to come to a conclusion on that.
On December 11 2014 23:34 SUINELLA wrote: What shall i do? I really don't want to date 2 different girls because is stressing and it will collapse into me at a certain point. So i told to this second girl that i'm dating another woman but after meeting with her i got in love with her, so i want to stop dating the first one. What do you think? Shall i stick with the older and mature one or go with the easy going and videogames addicted one? She even plays age of mythology in lan with her flatmates, omg i love her.
If you insist on being with someone whom you share common interests with, then break up with the first one and go out with the second one. This is usually a solid foundation for a long-lasting relationship. But you've fallen for the Cool Girl, and that can be a troubling concern if it reflects poorly on your own character. Like I mentioned above, you may like her because of what she represents more than who she is. There may no strong foundation for that relationship either if she catches onto that discrepancy.
Your problem is not choosing which girl to be with, that is the manifestation of the more insidious issue: you are using them as proxies for your own internal struggles. Please stop doing that. It's not fair to either of them.
On December 11 2014 23:34 SUINELLA wrote: Hello, i'm here with a doubt. I'm 26 and right now i'm dating this woman (2 years older than me, well into business of art sales and so on). We met at a party and dated 5 times, she is really interested in me and we had interesting sexual times, even if i felt a bit unconfortable with her because she is shy and it was not very entertaining. The fact is that she doesn't like my lifestyle, even if she is mature enough to let me do whatever i want. In particular she hates that i live in a dirty flat with 10 other people and i take psychedelics. She was really unfriendly with my flatmates, that i consider as my real family.
She didn't want to join a giant party we had in our house, and there i met this girl, completely different from her. We leughed a lot and in the end we slept together and it was really good. I had the sensation that she was really open and easy going. Yesterday i went to dinner in her house, we enjoyed a lot, she told me that she is really into videogames, she plays magic (ARE YOU KIDDING ME NOW YOU WILL PLAY HS WITH ME), acts like a man, she loved my house and my lifestyle, but being 20 years old she does not represent for me an improvement in my life as the other woman, who was very mature.
What shall i do? I really don't want to date 2 different girls because is stressing and it will collapse into me at a certain point. So i told to this second girl that i'm dating another woman but after meeting with her i got in love with her, so i want to stop dating the first one. What do you think? Shall i stick with the older and mature one or go with the easy going and videogames addicted one? She even plays age of mythology in lan with her flatmates, omg i love her.
The obvious answer is go with the second girl. Not only is the first girl incompatible with you, but you already cheated on her with a girl you had only known for a day. It's pretty clear you're not into her.
The second girl meanwhile is one you're acting like you have a crush on, haha.
TBH it doesn't seem like you're even looking for a stable relationship with your lifestyle. Seems more like you're just looking for fun.
If your girlfriend says she really doesn't want an engagement ring, what do you do?
Women are women, and I'm sure it's something she might get sour about eventually.
Anyway, I've been with my girlfriend for 22 months, everything is super great, we've been enjoying our time together every time we see each other. We're both busy, quite career focused, going hardcore at university, one in Engineering, one in Accounting. Any ideas for what would be a fun idea for a trip for a week? We haven't really done anything outside of the city, besides going to the mountains hiking, or going to a cabin for 3 days, etc.
I'd really like to do something new and fresh together. Our hobbies are like... Watching TV shows like Breaking Bad, Walking Dead, GoT, Bob's Burgers, and Parks and Rec... Umm, and going for wing nights or other bar specials... Staying at home and laying in bed together for hours, playing games like Mario Cart, Littlebigplanet, SSB, etc. And we try to live healthy, she's fit, eats healthy, goes to the gym, I used to be healthy, I work out now, created a solid home gym, etc. Besides that, we don't do much that is crazy. And I suppose a little bit of Dota, SC, and Chess here and there, but the schedule is quite hectic as is.
Anyone similar to us that has had fun experiences at trips? I'd like to do something more than going to a 4-4.5 star resort in Mexico or the Dominican and lay there for a week.
On December 12 2014 13:10 FiWiFaKi wrote: If your girlfriend says she really doesn't want an engagement ring, what do you do?
Women are women, and I'm sure it's something she might get sour about eventually.
Anyway, I've been with my girlfriend for 22 months, everything is super great, we've been enjoying our time together every time we see each other. We're both busy, quite career focused, going hardcore at university, one in Engineering, one in Accounting. Any ideas for what would be a fun idea for a trip for a week? We haven't really done anything outside of the city, besides going to the mountains hiking, or going to a cabin for 3 days, etc.
I'd really like to do something new and fresh together. Our hobbies are like... Watching TV shows like Breaking Bad, Walking Dead, GoT, Bob's Burgers, and Parks and Rec... Umm, and going for wing nights or other bar specials... Staying at home and laying in bed together for hours, playing games like Mario Cart, Littlebigplanet, SSB, etc. And we try to live healthy, she's fit, eats healthy, goes to the gym, I used to be healthy, I work out now, created a solid home gym, etc. Besides that, we don't do much that is crazy. And I suppose a little bit of Dota, SC, and Chess here and there, but the schedule is quite hectic as is.
Anyone similar to us that has had fun experiences at trips? I'd like to do something more than going to a 4-4.5 star resort in Mexico or the Dominican and lay there for a week.
Vegas is cheap and can be alot of fun. You don't have to be a gambler to enjoy it there. Things like the Freidmont Street light show, Fountains at Bellagio, the pirate show at Treasure Island and the Mirages Volcano are all cool and free. The many shows you can go see are reasonably priced and completely worth paying for (I've seen 6 myself). Great shopping, helicopter tours are pretty cheap(Grand Canyon is amazing!). Given that it is a pure tourism town the list of things to do is massive.
On December 11 2014 22:40 JoeCool wrote: Most of the time she was sitting on the other side of the sofa (it is a small one for three persons, so there was not much space between us) with her arms around her knees,
As in, she rolled herself up into a little ball of self protection?
I recently moved cities for work and along with establishing a social life, ive been trying to piece together some form of a dating life. It wasn't really together before the move, but i had started taking steps towards improving it after a 3 year period of being single.
I gave online dating a try and found it to be initially quite appealing. I could find a large number of people with interesting sounding profiles. Only thing is that i very quickly went through all of them. By this i mean sent messages, started chats etc. I don't think i did a bad job of my profile. I had a few first messages from girls. Got some replies to my messages and eventually got one date after a long exchange. She was a totally normal and interesting person (i.e. not a serial killer) and we had a good night but nothing was really there so it went no further. But i also got silence or messages stating their inbox was full (So either not interested or a dead profile) . After this i started seeing less new profiles on the site so i froze my account. Might give it another try in a few months or so.
Rather humorously I recieved one message during my online dating escapades that made me laugh. Supposedly its girls who receive all the unsolicited sexual messages. I received one from a user called something along the lines of makeucum or something wanting to skype and get off in front of a webcam. I'm pretty sure that was a guy trolling. Not exactly what i was looking for.
So its back to conventional methods for me i guess. I applied for some mixed sports comps and stuff. And i look for meetups and groups to join so i can just get participating in something. But the progress is slow. I know i'm just being impatient but i honestly expected results, at least in terms of making friends and forming social groups to come a little quicker.
Otherwise i feel like i'm in a good headspace at the moment. If anyone has any ideas or tips to expand social circles let me know.
On December 13 2014 10:35 deejay wrote: I recently moved cities for work and along with establishing a social life, ive been trying to piece together some form of a dating life. It wasn't really together before the move, but i had started taking steps towards improving it after a 3 year period of being single.
I gave online dating a try and found it to be initially quite appealing. I could find a large number of people with interesting sounding profiles. Only thing is that i very quickly went through all of them. By this i mean sent messages, started chats etc. I don't think i did a bad job of my profile. I had a few first messages from girls. Got some replies to my messages and eventually got one date after a long exchange. She was a totally normal and interesting person (i.e. not a serial killer) and we had a good night but nothing was really there so it went no further. But i also got silence or messages stating their inbox was full (So either not interested or a dead profile) . After this i started seeing less new profiles on the site so i froze my account. Might give it another try in a few months or so.
Rather humorously I recieved one message during my online dating escapades that made me laugh. Supposedly its girls who receive all the unsolicited sexual messages. I received one from a user called something along the lines of makeucum or something wanting to skype and get off in front of a webcam. I'm pretty sure that was a guy trolling. Not exactly what i was looking for.
So its back to conventional methods for me i guess. I applied for some mixed sports comps and stuff. And i look for meetups and groups to join so i can just get participating in something. But the progress is slow. I know i'm just being impatient but i honestly expected results, at least in terms of making friends and forming social groups to come a little quicker.
Otherwise i feel like i'm in a good headspace at the moment. If anyone has any ideas or tips to expand social circles let me know.
Here is a tip:
Rise above the petty pursuit of brain chemicals (dopamine and oxycotin) that compel animals to breed. Free yourself from the shackles of your limbic system and instead focus on helping others.
On December 11 2014 23:34 SUINELLA wrote: Hello, i'm here with a doubt. I'm 26 and right now i'm dating this woman (2 years older than me, well into business of art sales and so on). We met at a party and dated 5 times, she is really interested in me and we had interesting sexual times, even if i felt a bit unconfortable with her because she is shy and it was not very entertaining. The fact is that she doesn't like my lifestyle, even if she is mature enough to let me do whatever i want. In particular she hates that i live in a dirty flat with 10 other people and i take psychedelics. She was really unfriendly with my flatmates, that i consider as my real family.
She didn't want to join a giant party we had in our house, and there i met this girl, completely different from her. We leughed a lot and in the end we slept together and it was really good. I had the sensation that she was really open and easy going. Yesterday i went to dinner in her house, we enjoyed a lot, she told me that she is really into videogames, she plays magic (ARE YOU KIDDING ME NOW YOU WILL PLAY HS WITH ME), acts like a man, she loved my house and my lifestyle, but being 20 years old she does not represent for me an improvement in my life as the other woman, who was very mature.
What shall i do? I really don't want to date 2 different girls because is stressing and it will collapse into me at a certain point. So i told to this second girl that i'm dating another woman but after meeting with her i got in love with her, so i want to stop dating the first one. What do you think? Shall i stick with the older and mature one or go with the easy going and videogames addicted one? She even plays age of mythology in lan with her flatmates, omg i love her.
Mi raccomando... I think you are 26 years old and you should grow up a bit, get a nicer flat with some responsible dudes and stop taking drugs. Definitely break up with the first woman. I dont even see how you got together with her in the first place!
On December 12 2014 13:10 FiWiFaKi wrote: If your girlfriend says she really doesn't want an engagement ring, what do you do?
Women are women, and I'm sure it's something she might get sour about eventually.
Anyway, I've been with my girlfriend for 22 months, everything is super great, we've been enjoying our time together every time we see each other. We're both busy, quite career focused, going hardcore at university, one in Engineering, one in Accounting. Any ideas for what would be a fun idea for a trip for a week? We haven't really done anything outside of the city, besides going to the mountains hiking, or going to a cabin for 3 days, etc.
I'd really like to do something new and fresh together. Our hobbies are like... Watching TV shows like Breaking Bad, Walking Dead, GoT, Bob's Burgers, and Parks and Rec... Umm, and going for wing nights or other bar specials... Staying at home and laying in bed together for hours, playing games like Mario Cart, Littlebigplanet, SSB, etc. And we try to live healthy, she's fit, eats healthy, goes to the gym, I used to be healthy, I work out now, created a solid home gym, etc. Besides that, we don't do much that is crazy. And I suppose a little bit of Dota, SC, and Chess here and there, but the schedule is quite hectic as is.
Anyone similar to us that has had fun experiences at trips? I'd like to do something more than going to a 4-4.5 star resort in Mexico or the Dominican and lay there for a week.
I dont see the problem with going to a tropical resort and chilling for a week based on your preferences? You can work out, eat, chill, and watch movies or play video games except in a beautiful place where people are waiting on you hand and foot.
You might try portland, san francisco, seattle, or some other hipster city. They are usually very bike friendly for your fitness side and have art/events to enjoy.,
EPT
