EPTDating: How's your luck? - Page 571
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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Shotcoder
United States2316 Posts
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FiWiFaKi
Canada9858 Posts
On December 12 2014 13:33 Orcasgt24 wrote: Vegas is cheap and can be alot of fun. You don't have to be a gambler to enjoy it there. Things like the Freidmont Street light show, Fountains at Bellagio, the pirate show at Treasure Island and the Mirages Volcano are all cool and free. The many shows you can go see are reasonably priced and completely worth paying for (I've seen 6 myself). Great shopping, helicopter tours are pretty cheap(Grand Canyon is amazing!). Given that it is a pure tourism town the list of things to do is massive. My concern is not being able to get the full experience from Vegas with the university student budget of like 3.5k-4k for both of us. -$1000-$1200 airplane ticket each -$500-$600 for 4-5 nights at a hotel -$50/day on food each, so $500 -$125/show, 2 shows each, $500 -$250 gambling money each, $500 So just from the basic necessities of going to Vegas, we are talking almost $3,500. Then, any shopping, grand canyon,any fancy extras, drinks etc... Add up. Not to mention the exchange rate between the USD and CAD is quite bad for us right now, (1.16CAD for 1USD). Anyway, I've been to Vegas when I was 16 years old with my parents, I stayed in Bellagio, so I have a rough idea of what to expect in terms of quality, and how far money can get you. But I think I'd rather go to Vegas once I graduate and have more income to spend on it, as a nice trip I feel like I'd need 6 grand to spend, which I rather wouldn't right now. On December 13 2014 12:17 Bigtony wrote: I dont see the problem with going to a tropical resort and chilling for a week based on your preferences? You can work out, eat, chill, and watch movies or play video games except in a beautiful place where people are waiting on you hand and foot. You might try portland, san francisco, seattle, or some other hipster city. They are usually very bike friendly for your fitness side and have art/events to enjoy., Well yeah, but it's just so... bland. You stay a week in some poor third world country completely separated from everything, laying on a beach, having slaves bring you drinks, make you whatever food you want, and really doing anything you want with the risk of getting fired for every little thing (and they don't want to be, since the money they make there is usually 2x-3x of what they'd make inside their cities)... While you don't get to see much, at least I haven't, and I've been to tropical resorts at least 15x in my life. Truth is, I haven't really gone on trips once there very much, so maybe going snorkeling, whale spotting, going to see some world wonder, etc. would be quite neat. Definitely something I'll keep in mind, but something out of the ordinary, while also educational is what I had in mind initially. Living with the folk from the rural areas, African safari, living in hostels in India or Taiwan. It's trips like that which really get you to build an adventure and holiday, rather than being given one and living through it. | ||
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waffelz
Germany711 Posts
So, for some time I travel a certain train almost every saturday, which includes me waiting for the next train at a certain station for about 20-40min. There is this girl who also hast to wait at that stationa and then proceeds to share 20 of the 25min to my final destination and as it seems she also does this every saturday. When helping her with her luggage we get to talk to eachother. We get along very well and it turns out that we share a lot of interests. We proceed to see eachother on this saturday occasion, talk and have a lot of fun in general. Little more than 2 month ago, she admitted that she doesnt have to take this train every saturday. The first time where I helped her with her luggage she was going to a concert, thats it. The following meetings were her deliberately taking this train again/waiting at the station just to meet me. Even though we shared contact informations pretty quickly and texted/talked mor frequently, she still felt the desire to meet me in person. Basicly, she chased me pretty hard, so hard that even I managed to get an idea about her being interested in me. We talk a bit and decide to meet the following day to work this out. The result is that we both agree to give this thing a shot, even though I tell her that I will take things slowly since I still dont really know her. So we get to know each other more in the following 2.x months and basicly the whole things turns more and more into a relationship even though I didnt want to admit it. Lets take a minute to check wha we got here: A young women, highly interested in me, enough to chase me really hard. Shes plain gorgeous, especially her eyes. Its literatly the first time where a women managed to leave an impression on em just by her looks. And besides her being a real beauty shes so with class and decency. We share a bunch of interests Shes got a very decent taste of music (you know how hard it is to find a She got humor, especially my type of humor She is eloquent and able to give good contra to my banter Sounds a bit to good, does it? Yes it does. First of all, she only did secondary school, which isnt wrong by default. I went to secondary school first before doing my A-levels, but it just shows. Intellectual she is just not on my level, even though she definitely isnt stupid, its just that certain ways of thinking arent present, dont really know how to describe it. The biggest problem however is she is almost 5 years younger than me. That in itself wont have to be a problem - at a certain point you age mostly by experiences, not by time, but I got plenty of those. I really dont know how to fully explain this without sounding like an arrogant prick, basicly I am older than her, mentally and intellecutal. Its like a 21 year old dating a 16 year old, they can share a lot but in the end, they are both most likely in different phases of their life and the 16 year old wont be on a level playing field with the 21 old. Since I know that by now, it would just be wrong to continue to date her, since I basicly would take advantage of her and I would feel weird. Also, I just cant see getting past this in the long term. At the moment it would be fine, but it wont work out in the long rund and therefore I dont want this to become more serious. Also we came to a point where she started to share some very personal stuff with me, so I had to stop this. Not only do I fear that she would regret sharing this stuff when we break up, but also it then would be my turn to let her see more of my inside and thats just something she wont be able to deal with properly/I dont want to burden her with. So I met her this weekend and explained everything to her as good as possible just as expected she was devastated. From the beginning I told her that I want to take this slow to get to know her better, when we where dating, I told her that I feel very strongly for her but that I still need time. The whole break up as well as it reasons didnt came out of the blue but it still was expected to be very hard. I also definetly have to talk to her again because I guess she got a few things wrong. Also I know from her sister that she really has some stupid ideas like "maybe he broke up with me because we didnt had sex" which I have to get out of her head for sure to prevent future drama/stupid behaviour. At the moment I just hate my life. I know I did the right thing, but It doesnt feel like it. I have really strong feelings for her, the fact that someone like her chased me, lots of wonderfull things about her, if I was less of a man, her looks would be enough to stick with her and all that shit versus the fact that (at the moment) it wont fit in the long run... Im at a point in my life where something thats just good like that happening to me is really needed, but it just wont happen. Also for some reason I just feel bad for making her unneeded fall for me. TLDR: A wonderfull women met me, startet to chase me, succeeded, turned out to be almost perfect, but the "almost" had to be something that really matters (if not the thing that really matters). GG life, you won again. At least I can treat my bitterness with the fact I made a normally shy but gorgeous women get out of her shell and chase me. | ||
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Snotling
Germany885 Posts
On December 15 2014 05:59 waffelz wrote: This weekend turned out to be the most dissapointing in a long time... So, for some time I travel a certain train almost every saturday, which includes me waiting for the next train at a certain station for about 20-40min. There is this girl who also hast to wait at that stationa and then proceeds to share 20 of the 25min to my final destination and as it seems she also does this every saturday. When helping her with her luggage we get to talk to eachother. We get along very well and it turns out that we share a lot of interests. We proceed to see eachother on this saturday occasion, talk and have a lot of fun in general. Little more than 2 month ago, she admitted that she doesnt have to take this train every saturday. The first time where I helped her with her luggage she was going to a concert, thats it. The following meetings were her deliberately taking this train again/waiting at the station just to meet me. Even though we shared contact informations pretty quickly and texted/talked mor frequently, she still felt the desire to meet me in person. Basicly, she chased me pretty hard, so hard that even I managed to get an idea about her being interested in me. We talk a bit and decide to meet the following day to work this out. The result is that we both agree to give this thing a shot, even though I tell her that I will take things slowly since I still dont really know her. So we get to know each other more in the following 2.x months and basicly the whole things turns more and more into a relationship even though I didnt want to admit it. Lets take a minute to check wha we got here: A young women, highly interested in me, enough to chase me really hard. Shes plain gorgeous, especially her eyes. Its literatly the first time where a women managed to leave an impression on em just by her looks. And besides her being a real beauty shes so with class and decency. We share a bunch of interests Shes got a very decent taste of music (you know how hard it is to find a She got humor, especially my type of humor She is eloquent and able to give good contra to my banter Sounds a bit to good, does it? Yes it does. First of all, she only did secondary school, which isnt wrong by default. I went to secondary school first before doing my A-levels, but it just shows. Intellectual she is just not on my level, even though she definitely isnt stupid, its just that certain ways of thinking arent present, dont really know how to describe it. The biggest problem however is she is almost 5 years younger than me. That in itself wont have to be a problem - at a certain point you age mostly by experiences, not by time, but I got plenty of those. I really dont know how to fully explain this without sounding like an arrogant prick, basicly I am older than her, mentally and intellecutal. Its like a 21 year old dating a 16 year old, they can share a lot but in the end, they are both most likely in different phases of their life and the 16 year old wont be on a level playing field with the 21 old. Since I know that by now, it would just be wrong to continue to date her, since I basicly would take advantage of her and I would feel weird. Also, I just cant see getting past this in the long term. At the moment it would be fine, but it wont work out in the long rund and therefore I dont want this to become more serious. Also we came to a point where she started to share some very personal stuff with me, so I had to stop this. Not only do I fear that she would regret sharing this stuff when we break up, but also it then would be my turn to let her see more of my inside and thats just something she wont be able to deal with properly/I dont want to burden her with. So I met her this weekend and explained everything to her as good as possible just as expected she was devastated. From the beginning I told her that I want to take this slow to get to know her better, when we where dating, I told her that I feel very strongly for her but that I still need time. The whole break up as well as it reasons didnt came out of the blue but it still was expected to be very hard. I also definetly have to talk to her again because I guess she got a few things wrong. Also I know from her sister that she really has some stupid ideas like "maybe he broke up with me because we didnt had sex" which I have to get out of her head for sure to prevent future drama/stupid behaviour. At the moment I just hate my life. I know I did the right thing, but It doesnt feel like it. I have really strong feelings for her, the fact that someone like her chased me, lots of wonderfull things about her, if I was less of a man, her looks would be enough to stick with her and all that shit versus the fact that (at the moment) it wont fit in the long run... Im at a point in my life where something thats just good like that happening to me is really needed, but it just wont happen. Also for some reason I just feel bad for making her unneeded fall for me. TLDR: A wonderfull women met me, startet to chase me, succeeded, turned out to be almost perfect, but the "almost" had to be something that really matters (if not the thing that really matters). GG life, you won again. At least I can treat my bitterness with the fact I made a normally shy but gorgeous women get out of her shell and chase me. I feel with you. Breaking up seems to be harder for me than getting dumped some times. Especially if you still like the person. Also you did the right thing here, be proud of that, neither you nor she would be happy in the long run if you continued on. | ||
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Zooper31
United States5710 Posts
Think you need to date people your age or older since intellect is such a determining factor for you and anyone younger than you isn't likely to be as "smart". | ||
CosmicSpiral
United States15275 Posts
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waffelz
Germany711 Posts
On December 15 2014 06:15 Zooper31 wrote: How old are you actually, you say 21 and 16 as an example and that would be horrible if you were actually that age. Think you need to date people your age or older since intellect is such a determining factor for you and anyone younger than you isn't likely to be as "smart". I am 24, she is almost 21, so its not as bad as in my example, but still. I didnt mean necessarly "smarter" just, you tend to view things from more/a different perspective when you become older/more experienced and certain things wont be clear to you before that. But yeah, maybe I should try to meet people that are older than me or at least not younger. Even though this whole thing wasnt planed and I didnt knew her age for a good period, still feels like a stupid story. On December 15 2014 07:27 CosmicSpiral wrote: I am very disappointed in you, for reasons different than the ones you've expounded upon. Those are actually irrelevant to the situation. Even though I am pretty sure I dont wanna know, enlighten me please. | ||
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Mikau
Netherlands1446 Posts
On December 15 2014 07:27 CosmicSpiral wrote: I am very disappointed in you, for reasons different than the ones you've expounded upon. Those are actually irrelevant to the situation. Come on, don't do this. Either give him the reason straight up, or don't post at all. Don't go the "I'm going to tickle your curiosity but won't say anything untill you ask me for it" route, that's what 16 year old schoolgirls do on facebook. | ||
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SixStrings
Germany2046 Posts
On December 15 2014 05:59 waffelz wrote: TLDR: A wonderfull women met me, startet to chase me, succeeded, turned out to be almost perfect, but the "almost" had to be something that really matters (if not the thing that really matters). GG life, you won again. At least I can treat my bitterness with the fact I made a normally shy but gorgeous women get out of her shell and chase me. Sounds like she really dodged a bullet here. Let me guess: you got your Abitur, which by the way 45% of students get nowadays, went to an awful to mediocre university (something in Rheinland Pfalz maybe? NRW?), got your 2.0 BA and now you think yourself intellectually superior to her and people with her CV. Pathetic. Guess what, that shit doesn't matter. At all. You're not smarter than her, you're just more educated in a very specialised field that has no bearing on most of your and most of her life. I'm dating 95% uni students / graduates, because those are the people I'm most exposed to, and I haven't got the impression that they are more or less smart than the remaining 5%. Even at my (supposedly 'elite') school, there are a lot of pretty dim people. What a drama queen... On December 15 2014 06:15 Zooper31 wrote: How old are you actually, you say 21 and 16 as an example and that would be horrible if you were actually that age. Think you need to date people your age or older since intellect is such a determining factor for you and anyone younger than you isn't likely to be as "smart". 'Horrible'? Really? I had a 17 year old girlfriend when I was 26, and believe you me, that wasn't horrible at all. It's more about maturity than actual age. | ||
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waffelz
Germany711 Posts
On December 15 2014 08:18 SixStrings wrote: Sounds like she really dodged a bullet here. Let me guess: you got your Abitur, which by the way 45% of students get nowadays, went to an awful to mediocre university (something in Rheinland Pfalz maybe? NRW?), got your 2.0 BA and now you think yourself intellectually superior to her and people with her CV. Pathetic. Guess what, that shit doesn't matter. At all. You're not smarter than her, you're just more educated in a very specialised field that has no bearing on most of your and most of her life. I'm dating 95% uni students / graduates, because those are the people I'm most exposed to, and I haven't got the impression that they are more or less smart than the remaining 5%. Even at my (supposedly 'elite') school, there are a lot of pretty dim people. What a drama queen... Lol, I didnt mean to insult anyone, I said its not about intelligence/me being smarter. On your way to your A-levels you just happen to learn different ways of thinking(or at least should). With the correct interests/hobbys you will pick them up anyways/you could get you A-levels and still wont ahve them etc. I know that you only need one properly functioning cerebral hemisphere and a little bit dedication to get you a-levels.Its like when you really stat to work after leaving school to support yourself/someone else. It will most likely bring you to a different point in your life from where you see things that werent clear to you before. I could elaborate, but I dont think it is needed. You just misunderstood me/I wasnt clear enough, maybe I hit a nerv, whatever. But also, you cant deny that there are a lot more "dim" people on the realschule and below then on class 11 and onwards, it just comes with the surrounding elements. I went to a realschule before so I know that, as well as I know that there are smart people too. And sadly it does matter, as long as you dont like the feeling of dating someone that makes you feel like you dating one of your younger sisters. Its hard to explain but be sure it is there cause I really would like to get with this women. And no,I got my abitur, went to an ok university(in general it is ok, in financing it got a pretty good name as far as I know but wasnt my subject so meh), studied my field with 3 instead of 2 subjects and almost fit the timeplan for all of those 3 while working my ass of and having a shitty relationship and a family where one half is an ever smoking barrel of dynamite, came to the conlcusion that my field of studys wasnt for me, and now studie computer science at a so called "elite-uni" and I know that all that is mostly a question of deidcation, not being smart. And now, I never have bragged about it in front of anyone, besides people on the internet like you cause thats where the fame at. The dramaqueen part I agree on though, happens to the best of us. EDIT: should have read your nickname first, from you earlyerr posts I can assume we are just to different. EDIT2: "It's more about maturity than actual age" pretty sure thats something I made clear, if not: thats part of the problem. | ||
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CosmicSpiral
United States15275 Posts
On December 15 2014 07:39 waffelz wrote: Even though I am pretty sure I dont wanna know, enlighten me please. Please read through your initial post and note exactly how you wrote down the entire experience. There are many subtle incongruities throughout it that contradict the type of person you're aiming to present yourself as. I'll write a more comprehensive reply after I finish my midterm. However, I felt it was necessary to establish some measure of opposition before the inevitable flood of reactionary support. Most of the problems posted in the dating thread are not issues about dating, but identity and character problems that manifest in attraction and relationships. From what I've read, you think the potential relationship fell apart because of one thing but it was actually another. I'm disappointed because the entire frame you construed to describe it is misguided, so you drew no insight from the experience. On December 15 2014 07:43 Mikau wrote: Come on, don't do this. Either give him the reason straight up, or don't post at all. Don't go the "I'm going to tickle your curiosity but won't say anything untill you ask me for it" route, that's what 16 year old schoolgirls do on facebook. I'm taking a test at the moment; also the criticism has nothing to do with dating per se, so it's not appropriate for the thread. It will be posted somewhere else in the next 24 hours, and he can respond to me there. On December 15 2014 08:18 SixStrings wrote: Sounds like she really dodged a bullet here. Let me guess: you got your Abitur, which by the way 45% of students get nowadays, went to an awful to mediocre university (something in Rheinland Pfalz maybe? NRW?), got your 2.0 BA and now you think yourself intellectually superior to her and people with her CV. Pathetic. Guess what, that shit doesn't matter. At all. You're not smarter than her, you're just more educated in a very specialised field that has no bearing on most of your and most of her life. I'm dating 95% uni students / graduates, because those are the people I'm most exposed to, and I haven't got the impression that they are more or less smart than the remaining 5%. Even at my (supposedly 'elite') school, there are a lot of pretty dim people. What a drama queen... The issue is not arrogance, although accusing him of it will only aggravate the real problem. | ||
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weikor
Austria580 Posts
On December 15 2014 08:45 CosmicSpiral wrote: Please read through your initial post and note exactly how you wrote down the entire experience. There are many subtle incongruities throughout it that contradict the type of person you're aiming to present yourself as. I'll write a more comprehensive reply after I finish my midterm. However, I felt it was necessary to establish some measure of opposition before the inevitable flood of reactionary support. Most of the problems posted in the dating thread are not issues about dating, but identity and character problems that manifest in attraction and relationships. From what I've read, you think the potential relationship fell apart because of one thing but it was actually another. I'm disappointed because the entire frame you construed to describe it is misguided, so you drew no insight from the experience. I'm taking a test at the moment; also the criticism has nothing to do with dating per se, so it's not appropriate for the thread. It will be posted somewhere else in the next 24 hours, and he can respond to me there. The issue is not arrogance, although accusing him of it will only aggravate the real problem. for me personally, as long as you care about the girl it doesnt matter if shes smarter than you or not. Im very smart in a lot of things, to the point where ive not met a girl near it. Then again im super stupid in a lot of things too, and im glad my girlfriends tolerated me. Its nice to balance each other out. As long as she doesnt annoy you, and you have some things to talk about - why not just give it a chance. | ||
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waffelz
Germany711 Posts
On December 15 2014 08:56 weikor wrote: for me personally, as long as you care about the girl it doesnt matter if shes smarter than you or not. Im very smart in a lot of things, to the point where ive not met a girl near it. Then again im super stupid in a lot of things too, and im glad my girlfriends tolerated me. Its nice to balance each other out. As long as she doesnt annoy you, and you have some things to talk about - why not just give it a chance. As I said, its not really aout bing smart/not smart, it is more about certain ways of thinking and understanding. Even in my own language I cant really explain it very well. I guess it really comes down to maturity and the problem is she really makes it obvious, sometimes even knowingly and it gives me a feeling that creeps me out for some reason. I recognized it a month ago, gave it a chance and now realized that it feels wrong to me, even though I enjoyed the general relationship. It really feels like the gap thats between you and a younger sibling at an age where it still matters. It is weird, I cant really explain it, maybe because I tried to ignore it for a good time, maybe it ties into parts of her general attitude. I just cant : / And I get the bad feeling of CosmicSpiral confirming my prejudice about students in the subject psychology... but I am still interested. Please PM me where I will find your answer. Also, this thread is (at least since a long time) about general dating experiences which this is. | ||
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Ghostcom
Denmark4782 Posts
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States44316 Posts
On December 15 2014 05:59 waffelz wrote: This weekend turned out to be the most dissapointing in a long time... So, for some time I travel a certain train almost every saturday, which includes me waiting for the next train at a certain station for about 20-40min. There is this girl who also hast to wait at that stationa and then proceeds to share 20 of the 25min to my final destination and as it seems she also does this every saturday. When helping her with her luggage we get to talk to eachother. We get along very well and it turns out that we share a lot of interests. We proceed to see eachother on this saturday occasion, talk and have a lot of fun in general. Little more than 2 month ago, she admitted that she doesnt have to take this train every saturday. The first time where I helped her with her luggage she was going to a concert, thats it. The following meetings were her deliberately taking this train again/waiting at the station just to meet me. Even though we shared contact informations pretty quickly and texted/talked mor frequently, she still felt the desire to meet me in person. Basicly, she chased me pretty hard, so hard that even I managed to get an idea about her being interested in me. We talk a bit and decide to meet the following day to work this out. The result is that we both agree to give this thing a shot, even though I tell her that I will take things slowly since I still dont really know her. So we get to know each other more in the following 2.x months and basicly the whole things turns more and more into a relationship even though I didnt want to admit it. Lets take a minute to check wha we got here: A young women, highly interested in me, enough to chase me really hard. Shes plain gorgeous, especially her eyes. Its literatly the first time where a women managed to leave an impression on em just by her looks. And besides her being a real beauty shes so with class and decency. We share a bunch of interests Shes got a very decent taste of music (you know how hard it is to find a She got humor, especially my type of humor She is eloquent and able to give good contra to my banter Sounds a bit to good, does it? Yes it does. First of all, she only did secondary school, which isnt wrong by default. I went to secondary school first before doing my A-levels, but it just shows. Intellectual she is just not on my level, even though she definitely isnt stupid, its just that certain ways of thinking arent present, dont really know how to describe it. The biggest problem however is she is almost 5 years younger than me. That in itself wont have to be a problem - at a certain point you age mostly by experiences, not by time, but I got plenty of those. I really dont know how to fully explain this without sounding like an arrogant prick, basicly I am older than her, mentally and intellecutal. Its like a 21 year old dating a 16 year old, they can share a lot but in the end, they are both most likely in different phases of their life and the 16 year old wont be on a level playing field with the 21 old. Since I know that by now, it would just be wrong to continue to date her, since I basicly would take advantage of her and I would feel weird. Also, I just cant see getting past this in the long term. At the moment it would be fine, but it wont work out in the long rund and therefore I dont want this to become more serious. Also we came to a point where she started to share some very personal stuff with me, so I had to stop this. Not only do I fear that she would regret sharing this stuff when we break up, but also it then would be my turn to let her see more of my inside and thats just something she wont be able to deal with properly/I dont want to burden her with. So I met her this weekend and explained everything to her as good as possible just as expected she was devastated. From the beginning I told her that I want to take this slow to get to know her better, when we where dating, I told her that I feel very strongly for her but that I still need time. The whole break up as well as it reasons didnt came out of the blue but it still was expected to be very hard. I also definetly have to talk to her again because I guess she got a few things wrong. Also I know from her sister that she really has some stupid ideas like "maybe he broke up with me because we didnt had sex" which I have to get out of her head for sure to prevent future drama/stupid behaviour. At the moment I just hate my life. I know I did the right thing, but It doesnt feel like it. I have really strong feelings for her, the fact that someone like her chased me, lots of wonderfull things about her, if I was less of a man, her looks would be enough to stick with her and all that shit versus the fact that (at the moment) it wont fit in the long run... Im at a point in my life where something thats just good like that happening to me is really needed, but it just wont happen. Also for some reason I just feel bad for making her unneeded fall for me. TLDR: A wonderfull women met me, startet to chase me, succeeded, turned out to be almost perfect, but the "almost" had to be something that really matters (if not the thing that really matters). GG life, you won again. At least I can treat my bitterness with the fact I made a normally shy but gorgeous women get out of her shell and chase me. Out of curiosity, why was her lack of a higher education such a deciding factor in your decision to end the relationship? Did she have long-term goals and ideas on what jobs she wanted to pursue? I'm a university professor, and I can tell you firsthand that not everyone who attends college is necessarily smarter, more mature, or better equipped for the real world than those who don't attend college. Also, the maturity difference in age diminishes over time as you get older. On December 15 2014 07:27 CosmicSpiral wrote: I am very disappointed in you, for reasons different than the ones you've expounded upon. Those are actually irrelevant to the situation. On December 15 2014 08:45 CosmicSpiral wrote: Please read through your initial post and note exactly how you wrote down the entire experience. There are many subtle incongruities throughout it that contradict the type of person you're aiming to present yourself as. I'll write a more comprehensive reply after I finish my midterm. However, I felt it was necessary to establish some measure of opposition before the inevitable flood of reactionary support. Most of the problems posted in the dating thread are not issues about dating, but identity and character problems that manifest in attraction and relationships. From what I've read, you think the potential relationship fell apart because of one thing but it was actually another. I'm disappointed because the entire frame you construed to describe it is misguided, so you drew no insight from the experience. Cosmic, this comes off as really, really condescending. | ||
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Yoz
Australia357 Posts
On December 15 2014 10:17 DarkPlasmaBall wrote: Out of curiosity, why was her lack of a higher education such a deciding factor in your decision to end the relationship? Did she have long-term goals and ideas on what jobs she wanted to pursue? I'm a university professor, and I can tell you firsthand that not everyone who attends college is necessarily smarter, more mature, or better equipped for the real world than those who don't attend college. Also, the maturity difference in age diminishes over time as you get older. Above he mentioned that it's about her worldview being remarkably different. It's interesting how education is viewed as a bit of a shortcut to highlighting what people actually mean. Using online dating I will almost always try and filter by a variety of parameters - one of which is educational level. It's not necessarily because not having a university degree is a deal breaker (in Australia they're pretty common though) but because in general I find I will be able to find a better fit on core values this way. All that said if I met a girl who I felt was suitable and would provide a happy future then I'd still pursue a relationship despite her not having a degree. When I say that I want a university graduate it's often a shortcut way of saying that I really want someone with ambition, drive, educational values, etc. which are typically (but not always) found in university graduates. On December 15 2014 08:38 waffelz wrote:And no,I got my abitur, went to an ok university(in general it is ok, in financing it got a pretty good name as far as I know but wasnt my subject so meh), studied my field with 3 instead of 2 subjects and almost fit the timeplan for all of those 3 while working my ass of and having a shitty relationship and a family where one half is an ever smoking barrel of dynamite, came to the conlcusion that my field of studys wasnt for me, and now studie computer science at a so called "elite-uni" and I know that all that is mostly a question of deidcation, not being smart. And now, I never have bragged about it in front of anyone, besides people on the internet like you cause thats where the fame at. Similarly, you saying that you did not want to date this girl because of 'age gap' or 'educational level' rather than stating the actual reasons would be like a future girl refusing to date you because she thinks you're incapable of being a good husband because your family situation is too chaotic. | ||
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waffelz
Germany711 Posts
On December 15 2014 10:17 DarkPlasmaBall wrote: Out of curiosity, why was her lack of a higher education such a deciding factor in your decision to end the relationship? Did she have long-term goals and ideas on what jobs she wanted to pursue? I'm a university professor, and I can tell you firsthand that not everyone who attends college is necessarily smarter, more mature, or better equipped for the real world than those who don't attend college. Also, the maturity difference in age diminishes over time as you get older. Its not directly about education, my thoughts werent as coordinated as would have liked, also I should practice my english more often I guess, therefore maybe it sounded like it was about her school edcation, which is not. Its also not about her job, shes on her way to finish the training for her job that takes up to 4 years, you could say it is somewhat high profile, but thats definitely something that I dont care about. I didnt want to draw some line between college and non-college people (the majority of my friends didnt go to college), I was just trying to somehwat define whats making me so uncomfortable with the relationship. I already thought that if we met 1 or 2 years later, it could have worked out since she then would be working, living on her own and so on. My thouthgs until our talk where: Pretending that everything is fine until it really is would be dishonest and a bad start for a relationship. Asking her to wait is unrealistic and stupid for both of us. Telling her "in 1 or 2 years it could work out" would be just cruel, as long as she can hope it will be harder for her (and for me too) to let go, its worse enough as it is. So there is no good way besides letting it go. On December 15 2014 10:48 Yoz wrote: Similarly, you saying that you did not want to date this girl because of 'age gap' or 'educational level' rather than stating the actual reasons would be like a future girl refusing to date you because she thinks you're incapable of being a good husband because your family situation is too chaotic. Thats definitly something I wouldnt agree on. My family situation isnt ideal, especially on the half of my mother, but I have proven that I am very capable of dealing with it, and even though I am noone that looks for "short fun", family planing isnt exactly on my list of thoughts after only 2month. The problem is, if you like someone, you tend to feel for / with them. A lot of shit happened in my life/is still happening, but I am dealing quite well with it since I am used to it. I just dont like talking about it too much with people that wont understand that its no longer that big of a deal for me. Basicly I fear she would suffer more than I would. Its the same reason why I dont like talking about theese problems to other people that are closer to me, I dont want them to suffer or think they should worry about me. | ||
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Yoz
Australia357 Posts
On December 15 2014 10:56 waffelz wrote:Thats definitly something I wouldnt agree on. My family situation isnt ideal, especially on the half of my mother, but I have proven that I am very capable of dealing with it, and even though I am noone that looks for "short fun", family planing isnt exactly on my list of thoughts after only 2month. The problem is, if you like someone, you tend to feel for / with them. A lot of shit happened in my life/is still happening, but I am dealing quite well with it since I am used to it. I just dont like talking about it too much with people that wont understand that its no longer that big of a deal for me. Basicly I fear she would suffer more than I would. Its the same reason why I dont like talking about theese problems to other people that are closer to me, I dont want them to suffer or think they should worry about me. Sorry I think I may have hit post too soon. What I essentially meant was that you saying the 'age gap' or 'education gap' is a deal breaker is kinda similar to the perfect girl meeting you and saying that you're perfect except that she cannot envision a future because of your past family history. It's not the kind of family she saw her 'perfect man' coming from and therefore thinks you're incapable of being a good boyfriend/husband. Ignore the fact that you may or may not make a great boyfriend/husband but she's unwilling to try because she's caught up on the fact that you come from a family with issues. It's almost identical to you saying you do not want to date a girl because her education certificate isn't adequate for you. It's a very convoluted way of me trying to highlight that perhaps it's best to identify the problem and describe that rather than just saying it's an age gap and/or education gap. Only to try and highlight it - I turned it around and used you as the subject to hopefully make it clearer that it's a bit silly to say that her not graduating from college is the issue. | ||
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teamsolid
Canada3668 Posts
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marvellosity
United Kingdom36161 Posts
On December 15 2014 10:17 DarkPlasmaBall wrote: Cosmic, this comes off as really, really condescending. This thread is absolutely full of this attitude from him, not sure why anyone is surprised at this point. If he has any good advice to give, he does it in an awful way. | ||
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