EPTDating: How's your luck? - Page 448
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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Gorsameth
Netherlands21797 Posts
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rezoacken
Canada2719 Posts
On March 31 2014 00:54 dravernor wrote: So there is this new show on DSTV called 'Ninety Days to Wed'. Basically a reality tv show about people who meet online or whilst visiting another country and they start dating internationally. One partner gets a 'fiance VISA' which lasts ninety days, and flies over to the other. They then have 90 days before the VISA expires to decide whether they want to wed or not. Episode 3 of S1 is coming on just now. I have watched a few previews and am fairly intrigued by this, so I think I am going to watch. It is a pretty interesting concept. Interesting isn't something that come to mind. On March 31 2014 01:38 Calanthe wrote: My coworkers told me about that show when I started talking about how I was going to be importing my fiance. Some of the things they told me about the featured couples were alarming - like some of the women were very clearly not into the dudes and it seemed like they were just doing it to get into the US. How surprising. When some loser think its a good idea to bait a trip to the US to get his dick wet, he shouldn't feel surprised if the woman isn't interested in more than the bait. It's basically just a symptom of some people thinking you can buy attraction/love, only sex can be bought. Not saying none of it is genuine, but that some couple are in that kind of situation isn't very surprising. PS: Reminds me of the parody from GTA, ship-a-bitch.com. I think it's in 4. | ||
dravernor
Netherlands6187 Posts
On March 31 2014 03:20 rezoacken wrote: Interesting isn't something that come to mind. How surprising. When some loser think its a good idea to bait a trip to the US to get his dick wet, he shouldn't feel surprised if the woman isn't interested in more than the bait. It's basically just a symptom of some people thinking you can buy attraction/love, only sex can be bought. Not saying none of it is genuine, but that some couple are in that kind of situation isn't very surprising. Oh I don't believe it is entirely genuine at all. I just think it is an interesting subject to make a reality TV program out of. | ||
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r.Evo
Germany14080 Posts
On March 30 2014 17:01 Volband wrote: I hate this guy. At least he was smart enough to invite her in written form, and reading it back now, it doesn't seem drunk/desperate. God, I hope she says no, otherwise I'm fucked, haha. On a COMPLETELY UNRELATED note, should I go out of my comfort zone to meet new people, girls, or it's a bad idea? As I said, I'm not a club guy, and I fear not enjoying myself. There are very, very few people who enjoy things they are bad at - especially when they feel pressured. My suggestion would be to give it a try, brawl through until you feel like you're adequate in those scenarios and then re-evaluate if you really don't like it. Worst case you learn that learning something new and not super pleasant didn't kill you, best case you find something new that you love. Win win. For me personally, as I have mentioned before in this thread, I don't enjoy going out there and meeting complete strangers that much and I rather prefer settings in my own social circles. The knowledge that I did practice that kind of stuff however gives me the confidence to be able to do it in an instant and makes me more successful and happy overall. + Show Spoiler [Offtopic @modnote:] + Can someone clarify the PUA comment please? Am I supposed to use what I wrote above as opposed to "I don't enjoy doing cold approaches"? Basically those two mean exactly the same and the latter is more precise with less room for misinterpretation. It feels like you guys are asking for a medical topic (that's named "everything that can go wrong with your body") to not use any medical terminology and I now feel forced to figure out how the hell I talk about a brain tumor without mentioning "brain" or "tumor". Is that the intent or is it just worded poorly? If someone says something like "be more alpha" and nothing more he isn't making a post about PUA, he's making a stupid and unhelpful comment which is just as bad as "just try to talk to her". However, when I'm able to tell someone: "You agree with her all the time just to avoid upsetting her, you instantly answer all her texts (while she takes her time because she also has other things to do in her life), why do you wonder that she's not seeing you as a potential suitor on an even and fair level? You're being beta as hell.", then I'm explaining a classic "PUA concept", clearly come from a "PUA perspectice" and those allow me to pin-point very specific behaviors that the person can now reflect on. aka "I'm being helpful". As much as I hate "PUA" as such (I actually don't know anyone who refers to himself as one and if someone would I'd prolly laugh which is why I generally refer to the "pickup community" or the "dating community"), it offers a framework on the topic of dating that is just awesome for any form of communication and it's the only hat any and all dating communities are thrown under. There are insane differences in actual perspectives across regions, different forums and different organizations but the common framework is universal and precise enough that it can be incredibly helpful to people looking for advice if used properly. Inherently every single piece of pickup advice is dating advice and nowadays communities have moved far beyond just "picking up" and are offering solid and helpful advice when it comes to e.g. dynamics within relationships, general self-improvement and basically everything about social life. All those things belong in a dating thread and using precise language here and there shouldn't hurt. | ||
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
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Grumbels
Netherlands7031 Posts
Your original human language paragraph is already lots more pleasant to read than the cold-approach-anti-beta one. Not everyone is comfortable with the "turning dating into a science"-framework of puas. | ||
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Volband
Hungary6034 Posts
On March 31 2014 14:19 r.Evo wrote: There are very, very few people who enjoy things they are bad at - especially when they feel pressured. My suggestion would be to give it a try, brawl through until you feel like you're adequate in those scenarios and then re-evaluate if you really don't like it. Worst case you learn that learning something new and not super pleasant didn't kill you, best case you find something new that you love. Win win. For me personally, as I have mentioned before in this thread, I don't enjoy going out there and meeting complete strangers that much and I rather prefer settings in my own social circles. The knowledge that I did practice that kind of stuff however gives me the confidence to be able to do it in an instant and makes me more successful and happy overall. I've been thinking about this, and I came to some conclusions. The first is that I absolutely can't invite her if I'm going with people I already know. I know I'd never want to be on the other side, until it's not decided whther you advance your relationship, or not. As for me; yes, I should definetly step out of my comfort zone, and I've been doing it since last december. There were bigger things, like going to the gym, and smaller (but still important) ones, like when I complained about the quality of my food in a restaurant. Howewer, I don't think that forcing myself to try everything I hate is good. I was just simply afraid of the former things, but club music, club people, club dance... these do not interest me; I'd rather go to a concert, even if I'm alone. It's like those motivational videos, like Elliot Hulse's. He starts out strong, to be your best self, etc. etc., and then he just goes overboard, and his main advice is to be a leader, an alpha male, etc. Yes, it would net you more girls, but trying to be something you are absolutely not sounds just as bad as having low self-esteem. In other news, how should I bring up that I'll have braces by the time we meet, if I should at all? Yes, it's very self-conscious, but I'd consider it pretty rude, if someone I'm meeting "forgets" to tell me, that she's missing a leg, or have metal all over her teeth. Not because it's an instant no-no, but because these are kinda important informations. | ||
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JoeCool
Germany2520 Posts
On March 29 2014 02:19 JoeCool wrote: Thank you  Weather forecast predicts that it will get pretty warm next week. I guess I´ll just ask her out for ice cream, not very original but why not? Heres how it went: After work I asked if she wanted to meet me on thursday for some ice-cream, she was pretty surprised but agreed, not on ice cream but on skating. The way I asked was spontaneous and not very ... confident? Anyway, then I asked for her number - got it - and promised to message her in the next days. On one hand I like that she agreed so fast on the other hand she did not sound as "positive" as I hoped. I hope she did not agree just because was afraid to say no. :-/ | ||
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iloveav
Poland1478 Posts
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Slayers_Red.Cracker
36 Posts
On March 31 2014 21:45 Volband wrote: In other news, how should I bring up that I'll have braces by the time we meet, if I should at all? Yes, it's very self-conscious, but I'd consider it pretty rude, if someone I'm meeting "forgets" to tell me, that she's missing a leg, or have metal all over her teeth. Not because it's an instant no-no, but because these are kinda important informations. Why is it rude when someones does not tell something in advance? And furthermore it might be important to you, but that does not mean its important information. I mean you got braces, who cares. Not like they change your personality or suddenly give you syphilis. | ||
Firebolt145
Lalalaland34493 Posts
Basically, don't even bring it up unless she points it out. And if she does tell her why you have it matter-of-factly. So what if you have braces? | ||
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farvacola
United States18832 Posts
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aTnClouD
Italy2428 Posts
On March 31 2014 21:45 Volband wrote: I've been thinking about this, and I came to some conclusions. The first is that I absolutely can't invite her if I'm going with people I already know. I know I'd never want to be on the other side, until it's not decided whther you advance your relationship, or not. As for me; yes, I should definetly step out of my comfort zone, and I've been doing it since last december. There were bigger things, like going to the gym, and smaller (but still important) ones, like when I complained about the quality of my food in a restaurant. Howewer, I don't think that forcing myself to try everything I hate is good. I was just simply afraid of the former things, but club music, club people, club dance... these do not interest me; I'd rather go to a concert, even if I'm alone. It's like those motivational videos, like Elliot Hulse's. He starts out strong, to be your best self, etc. etc., and then he just goes overboard, and his main advice is to be a leader, an alpha male, etc. Yes, it would net you more girls, but trying to be something you are absolutely not sounds just as bad as having low self-esteem. In other news, how should I bring up that I'll have braces by the time we meet, if I should at all? Yes, it's very self-conscious, but I'd consider it pretty rude, if someone I'm meeting "forgets" to tell me, that she's missing a leg, or have metal all over her teeth. Not because it's an instant no-no, but because these are kinda important informations. I'd be more worried about your overly anxious personality rather than the braces. That's what people are gonna notice the most. If she is not telling you any of the things she doesn't like about herself I don't see why you should. Somebody who's good at internet dating acts like a great salesman by selling his/her image at the highest possible price. | ||
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
On April 01 2014 02:51 aTnClouD wrote: I'd be more worried about your overly anxious personality rather than the braces. That's what people are gonna notice the most. If she is not telling you any of the things she doesn't like about herself I don't see why you should. Somebody who's good at internet dating acts like a great salesman by selling his/her image at the highest possible price. And as a tag-along to this, it helps if you have a great product to sell haha. This is why it's often recommended to get hobbies, work-out, etc. Not only are they attractive, but they help give you confidence. | ||
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fishjie
United States1519 Posts
On March 30 2014 07:17 Volband wrote: I am indeed, but now that I'm drunk as fuvvvvkkk, I asked her if she wants go to a "disco-party" with me. Note, I've never been to any clubs before. Note:probably she neither. Note: I have no idea what im doing, but I'm listening to my (drunk) self. Fuck Note: i should never drink. ever. unessshe simehow says yes. then im a gebious. fuck lol can't tell if trolling or serious.... | ||
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Volband
Hungary6034 Posts
Dead serious. Happy birthday. | ||
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rebdomine
6040 Posts
On April 01 2014 02:24 JoeCool wrote: Heres how it went: After work I asked if she wanted to meet me on thursday for some ice-cream, she was pretty surprised but agreed, not on ice cream but on skating. The way I asked was spontaneous and not very ... confident? Anyway, then I asked for her number - got it - and promised to message her in the next days. On one hand I like that she agreed so fast on the other hand she did not sound as "positive" as I hoped. I hope she did not agree just because was afraid to say no. :-/ What matters at this point is that she agreed. Now it's time to make sure that you two have a great time when you do meet up. | ||
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IgnE
United States7681 Posts
On March 31 2014 21:45 Volband wrote: I've been thinking about this, and I came to some conclusions. The first is that I absolutely can't invite her if I'm going with people I already know. I know I'd never want to be on the other side, until it's not decided whther you advance your relationship, or not. As for me; yes, I should definetly step out of my comfort zone, and I've been doing it since last december. There were bigger things, like going to the gym, and smaller (but still important) ones, like when I complained about the quality of my food in a restaurant. Howewer, I don't think that forcing myself to try everything I hate is good. I was just simply afraid of the former things, but club music, club people, club dance... these do not interest me; I'd rather go to a concert, even if I'm alone. It's like those motivational videos, like Elliot Hulse's. He starts out strong, to be your best self, etc. etc., and then he just goes overboard, and his main advice is to be a leader, an alpha male, etc. Yes, it would net you more girls, but trying to be something you are absolutely not sounds just as bad as having low self-esteem. In other news, how should I bring up that I'll have braces by the time we meet, if I should at all? Yes, it's very self-conscious, but I'd consider it pretty rude, if someone I'm meeting "forgets" to tell me, that she's missing a leg, or have metal all over her teeth. Not because it's an instant no-no, but because these are kinda important informations. Snap a selfie and say, "Me and my braces can't wait to see you!" | ||
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JoeCool
Germany2520 Posts
On April 01 2014 11:20 rebdomine wrote: What matters at this point is that she agreed. Now it's time to make sure that you two have a great time when you do meet up. Guess you´re right. Theres nothing to lose so I´ll call her tomorrow ... | ||
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NewSunshine
United States5938 Posts
And I missed out on context lol, so I guess just take the essence of what I'm saying and move on. | ||
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