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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On February 25 2014 22:43 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:Show nested quote +On February 25 2014 22:23 SixStrings wrote:On February 25 2014 22:10 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
Agreed. Besides, there are many fundamentalist Christians who are anti-abortion because of their religious beliefs, and you don't need to be religious to be closed-minded... or dislike the fact that your daughter got pregnant from some random guy.
That's where the hypocrisy comes in then. His deluded religion tells him two things: abortion is fundamentally wrong, so is having a child out of wedlock (except you make up an insane tale about being fucked by a god, apparently), so as a good Christian he can throw out his believe when it's convenient. As much as I'm not a fan of religious fundamentalism, I think it's pretty clear that one can prioritize one belief over another when two beliefs that *could* be independent of each other-- not choosing abortion under ideal (married) circumstances vs. also not having premarital (before marriage) sex- end up both being an issue. The response isn't going to be to let both "sins" occur when at least one can be stopped. Obviously, if he's hitting her and forcing his beliefs on her, that's atrocious. But I think it's more an issue with the person, rather than the belief (as this isn't the average response of parents). Show nested quote +On February 25 2014 22:10 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
Relationships can lead to the recognition of love. You don't need to know ahead of time (and I'd go so far as to say you *can't* know yet) if you love/ are in love with someone until you actually try a relationship with them. Love is allowed to emerge and grow. I'm sorry, but it seems I have a more teenage / cheap romance novel view on the subject. For me there should be something more to it than having a companion you like to bang. Just banging someone isn't love, and I have as much of a romantic view of love as anyone. What I said is that you can't just look at a person that you don't really know and assess whether or not you truly love them. It takes work and commitment, which is found through attempting to have a relationship with them. You seem to be glazing over a broad spectrum of affection and saying that either you know you love them from the get-go or it's not worth the time and effort to have a relationship, and I disagree. If you like her, get to know her better. It can become love.
Have you ever been really in love? Generally if I fall in love with a girl it's like gravity: Can't explain it, can't do anything about it. My whole body says "NEED TO CUDDLE NOW". The whole work and commitment sounds more like you're looking for a job, while for me being in love is more like someone put xtc in your drink. While you didn't expect it to happen, you suddenly feel happy and want to melt together with the most important person in the world.
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On February 25 2014 22:50 MightyBill wrote:Show nested quote +On February 25 2014 22:43 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:On February 25 2014 22:23 SixStrings wrote:On February 25 2014 22:10 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
Agreed. Besides, there are many fundamentalist Christians who are anti-abortion because of their religious beliefs, and you don't need to be religious to be closed-minded... or dislike the fact that your daughter got pregnant from some random guy.
That's where the hypocrisy comes in then. His deluded religion tells him two things: abortion is fundamentally wrong, so is having a child out of wedlock (except you make up an insane tale about being fucked by a god, apparently), so as a good Christian he can throw out his believe when it's convenient. As much as I'm not a fan of religious fundamentalism, I think it's pretty clear that one can prioritize one belief over another when two beliefs that *could* be independent of each other-- not choosing abortion under ideal (married) circumstances vs. also not having premarital (before marriage) sex- end up both being an issue. The response isn't going to be to let both "sins" occur when at least one can be stopped. Obviously, if he's hitting her and forcing his beliefs on her, that's atrocious. But I think it's more an issue with the person, rather than the belief (as this isn't the average response of parents). On February 25 2014 22:10 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
Relationships can lead to the recognition of love. You don't need to know ahead of time (and I'd go so far as to say you *can't* know yet) if you love/ are in love with someone until you actually try a relationship with them. Love is allowed to emerge and grow. I'm sorry, but it seems I have a more teenage / cheap romance novel view on the subject. For me there should be something more to it than having a companion you like to bang. Just banging someone isn't love, and I have as much of a romantic view of love as anyone. What I said is that you can't just look at a person that you don't really know and assess whether or not you truly love them. It takes work and commitment, which is found through attempting to have a relationship with them. You seem to be glazing over a broad spectrum of affection and saying that either you know you love them from the get-go or it's not worth the time and effort to have a relationship, and I disagree. If you like her, get to know her better. It can become love. Have you ever been really in love? Generally if I fall in love with a girl it's like gravity: Can't explain it, can't do anything about it. My whole body says "NEED TO CUDDLE NOW". The whole work and commitment sounds more like you're looking for a job, while for me being in love is more like someone put xtc in your drink. While you didn't expect it to happen, you suddenly feel happy and want to melt together with the most important person in the world.
That feeling lasts a couple of months, or maybe a year in my experience. And the really fluttery excitement maybe a few weeks.
I love my girlfriend, but moments of soaring passion are rather rare.
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On February 25 2014 22:50 MightyBill wrote:Show nested quote +On February 25 2014 22:43 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:On February 25 2014 22:23 SixStrings wrote:On February 25 2014 22:10 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
Agreed. Besides, there are many fundamentalist Christians who are anti-abortion because of their religious beliefs, and you don't need to be religious to be closed-minded... or dislike the fact that your daughter got pregnant from some random guy.
That's where the hypocrisy comes in then. His deluded religion tells him two things: abortion is fundamentally wrong, so is having a child out of wedlock (except you make up an insane tale about being fucked by a god, apparently), so as a good Christian he can throw out his believe when it's convenient. As much as I'm not a fan of religious fundamentalism, I think it's pretty clear that one can prioritize one belief over another when two beliefs that *could* be independent of each other-- not choosing abortion under ideal (married) circumstances vs. also not having premarital (before marriage) sex- end up both being an issue. The response isn't going to be to let both "sins" occur when at least one can be stopped. Obviously, if he's hitting her and forcing his beliefs on her, that's atrocious. But I think it's more an issue with the person, rather than the belief (as this isn't the average response of parents). On February 25 2014 22:10 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
Relationships can lead to the recognition of love. You don't need to know ahead of time (and I'd go so far as to say you *can't* know yet) if you love/ are in love with someone until you actually try a relationship with them. Love is allowed to emerge and grow. I'm sorry, but it seems I have a more teenage / cheap romance novel view on the subject. For me there should be something more to it than having a companion you like to bang. Just banging someone isn't love, and I have as much of a romantic view of love as anyone. What I said is that you can't just look at a person that you don't really know and assess whether or not you truly love them. It takes work and commitment, which is found through attempting to have a relationship with them. You seem to be glazing over a broad spectrum of affection and saying that either you know you love them from the get-go or it's not worth the time and effort to have a relationship, and I disagree. If you like her, get to know her better. It can become love. Have you ever been really in love? Generally if I fall in love with a girl it's like gravity: Can't explain it, can't do anything about it. My whole body says "NEED TO CUDDLE NOW". The whole work and commitment sounds more like you're looking for a job, while for me being in love is more like someone put xtc in your drink. While you didn't expect it to happen, you suddenly feel happy and want to melt together with the most important person in the world.
lol yes, I've really, really been in love. I still am. I've been with my girlfriend for about 7 years, and we still both love each other and are in love. And are going to get married after we finish school, and all that great stuff  But the first time I ever met her, I didn't think to myself, "Man I bet I could really love her one day!" It's not that simple. Real love emerges and grows over time.
A relationship helps you realize everything that makes up your partner. The little flaws and imperfections. The things about her that make you smile and make you cry and make you miss her more than anything in the world when she's away. These are the things you learn to love and appreciate just as much as your first time meeting her. You don't get to see and learn everything about her if you just bang her and forget her, or if you never make the effort to truly get to know her. And in the process you learn more about yourself than you ever knew was possible.
But when a single guy looks at a stranger and says "Meh, I don't think I could love her because my heart doesn't flutter right now", he's not dodging a bullet; he's avoiding something that can still have potential. I'm lucky enough to still get butterflies in my stomach, but for many people the puppy love and lust settle down and what (hopefully) remains is still authentic love. You can't know you love someone unless you're willing to make a commitment to them.
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He beat up his pregnant daughter? Seriously?
On February 25 2014 22:53 Acrofales wrote:Show nested quote +On February 25 2014 22:50 MightyBill wrote:On February 25 2014 22:43 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:On February 25 2014 22:23 SixStrings wrote:On February 25 2014 22:10 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
Agreed. Besides, there are many fundamentalist Christians who are anti-abortion because of their religious beliefs, and you don't need to be religious to be closed-minded... or dislike the fact that your daughter got pregnant from some random guy.
That's where the hypocrisy comes in then. His deluded religion tells him two things: abortion is fundamentally wrong, so is having a child out of wedlock (except you make up an insane tale about being fucked by a god, apparently), so as a good Christian he can throw out his believe when it's convenient. As much as I'm not a fan of religious fundamentalism, I think it's pretty clear that one can prioritize one belief over another when two beliefs that *could* be independent of each other-- not choosing abortion under ideal (married) circumstances vs. also not having premarital (before marriage) sex- end up both being an issue. The response isn't going to be to let both "sins" occur when at least one can be stopped. Obviously, if he's hitting her and forcing his beliefs on her, that's atrocious. But I think it's more an issue with the person, rather than the belief (as this isn't the average response of parents). On February 25 2014 22:10 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
Relationships can lead to the recognition of love. You don't need to know ahead of time (and I'd go so far as to say you *can't* know yet) if you love/ are in love with someone until you actually try a relationship with them. Love is allowed to emerge and grow. I'm sorry, but it seems I have a more teenage / cheap romance novel view on the subject. For me there should be something more to it than having a companion you like to bang. Just banging someone isn't love, and I have as much of a romantic view of love as anyone. What I said is that you can't just look at a person that you don't really know and assess whether or not you truly love them. It takes work and commitment, which is found through attempting to have a relationship with them. You seem to be glazing over a broad spectrum of affection and saying that either you know you love them from the get-go or it's not worth the time and effort to have a relationship, and I disagree. If you like her, get to know her better. It can become love. Have you ever been really in love? Generally if I fall in love with a girl it's like gravity: Can't explain it, can't do anything about it. My whole body says "NEED TO CUDDLE NOW". The whole work and commitment sounds more like you're looking for a job, while for me being in love is more like someone put xtc in your drink. While you didn't expect it to happen, you suddenly feel happy and want to melt together with the most important person in the world. That feeling lasts a couple of months, or maybe a year in my experience. And the really fluttery excitement maybe a few weeks. I love my girlfriend, but moments of soaring passion are rather rare.
I don't know, I don't think I could be content with "I respect my girlfriend and we're good friends". What's the point then?
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On February 25 2014 23:19 Grumbels wrote:He beat up his pregnant daughter? Seriously? Show nested quote +On February 25 2014 22:53 Acrofales wrote:On February 25 2014 22:50 MightyBill wrote:On February 25 2014 22:43 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:On February 25 2014 22:23 SixStrings wrote:On February 25 2014 22:10 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
Agreed. Besides, there are many fundamentalist Christians who are anti-abortion because of their religious beliefs, and you don't need to be religious to be closed-minded... or dislike the fact that your daughter got pregnant from some random guy.
That's where the hypocrisy comes in then. His deluded religion tells him two things: abortion is fundamentally wrong, so is having a child out of wedlock (except you make up an insane tale about being fucked by a god, apparently), so as a good Christian he can throw out his believe when it's convenient. As much as I'm not a fan of religious fundamentalism, I think it's pretty clear that one can prioritize one belief over another when two beliefs that *could* be independent of each other-- not choosing abortion under ideal (married) circumstances vs. also not having premarital (before marriage) sex- end up both being an issue. The response isn't going to be to let both "sins" occur when at least one can be stopped. Obviously, if he's hitting her and forcing his beliefs on her, that's atrocious. But I think it's more an issue with the person, rather than the belief (as this isn't the average response of parents). On February 25 2014 22:10 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
Relationships can lead to the recognition of love. You don't need to know ahead of time (and I'd go so far as to say you *can't* know yet) if you love/ are in love with someone until you actually try a relationship with them. Love is allowed to emerge and grow. I'm sorry, but it seems I have a more teenage / cheap romance novel view on the subject. For me there should be something more to it than having a companion you like to bang. Just banging someone isn't love, and I have as much of a romantic view of love as anyone. What I said is that you can't just look at a person that you don't really know and assess whether or not you truly love them. It takes work and commitment, which is found through attempting to have a relationship with them. You seem to be glazing over a broad spectrum of affection and saying that either you know you love them from the get-go or it's not worth the time and effort to have a relationship, and I disagree. If you like her, get to know her better. It can become love. Have you ever been really in love? Generally if I fall in love with a girl it's like gravity: Can't explain it, can't do anything about it. My whole body says "NEED TO CUDDLE NOW". The whole work and commitment sounds more like you're looking for a job, while for me being in love is more like someone put xtc in your drink. While you didn't expect it to happen, you suddenly feel happy and want to melt together with the most important person in the world. That feeling lasts a couple of months, or maybe a year in my experience. And the really fluttery excitement maybe a few weeks. I love my girlfriend, but moments of soaring passion are rather rare. I don't know, I don't think I could be content with "I respect my girlfriend and we're good friends". What's the point then?
That's totally not what he's saying.
The idea that every single moment with your partner over decades of a relationship will be as heart-fluttery as your first date is just plain naive. Obviously there are still going to be those moments from time to time, but if your idea of loving someone is so unrealistic that you're going to turn away anyone the second there's a lull in the romance (or a fight, or a dry spell, etc.), then you're never going to find anyone (because such an ideal doesn't exist). Love is so much deeper than just the heart flutters. It's understanding and appreciating everything else about her, and seeing that she understands and appreciates you. And that takes time and commitment.
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On February 25 2014 22:53 Acrofales wrote:Show nested quote +On February 25 2014 22:50 MightyBill wrote:On February 25 2014 22:43 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:On February 25 2014 22:23 SixStrings wrote:On February 25 2014 22:10 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
Agreed. Besides, there are many fundamentalist Christians who are anti-abortion because of their religious beliefs, and you don't need to be religious to be closed-minded... or dislike the fact that your daughter got pregnant from some random guy.
That's where the hypocrisy comes in then. His deluded religion tells him two things: abortion is fundamentally wrong, so is having a child out of wedlock (except you make up an insane tale about being fucked by a god, apparently), so as a good Christian he can throw out his believe when it's convenient. As much as I'm not a fan of religious fundamentalism, I think it's pretty clear that one can prioritize one belief over another when two beliefs that *could* be independent of each other-- not choosing abortion under ideal (married) circumstances vs. also not having premarital (before marriage) sex- end up both being an issue. The response isn't going to be to let both "sins" occur when at least one can be stopped. Obviously, if he's hitting her and forcing his beliefs on her, that's atrocious. But I think it's more an issue with the person, rather than the belief (as this isn't the average response of parents). On February 25 2014 22:10 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:
Relationships can lead to the recognition of love. You don't need to know ahead of time (and I'd go so far as to say you *can't* know yet) if you love/ are in love with someone until you actually try a relationship with them. Love is allowed to emerge and grow. I'm sorry, but it seems I have a more teenage / cheap romance novel view on the subject. For me there should be something more to it than having a companion you like to bang. Just banging someone isn't love, and I have as much of a romantic view of love as anyone. What I said is that you can't just look at a person that you don't really know and assess whether or not you truly love them. It takes work and commitment, which is found through attempting to have a relationship with them. You seem to be glazing over a broad spectrum of affection and saying that either you know you love them from the get-go or it's not worth the time and effort to have a relationship, and I disagree. If you like her, get to know her better. It can become love. Have you ever been really in love? Generally if I fall in love with a girl it's like gravity: Can't explain it, can't do anything about it. My whole body says "NEED TO CUDDLE NOW". The whole work and commitment sounds more like you're looking for a job, while for me being in love is more like someone put xtc in your drink. While you didn't expect it to happen, you suddenly feel happy and want to melt together with the most important person in the world. That feeling lasts a couple of months, or maybe a year in my experience. And the really fluttery excitement maybe a few weeks. I love my girlfriend, but moments of soaring passion are rather rare.
So true. The other feelings are still great when you're together, and you still get some moments like this, which are nice, but in long term relationships it's a different kind of thing
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Hey I'm in a funk. Well honestly I think I know what is wrong, so this is more venting than anything else, though helpful comments are always appreciated.
I've moved to a different town for a short attachment (about a month). Was put in touch with a friend of a friend, and she was really nice to have brought me around the place. I like her, she is really fun to be around, but I'm not sure I like her in the dating way (open to it, but uncertain). Well anyway last weekend we and a couple of her friends went out. Her friends recommended her to me during the evening, and we eventually all got really drunk. There's a gap in my memory here, but suffice to say I wake up back in my room with her beside me, and our clothes somewhere else.
I kinda worry that that whole drunken revelry thing was ill advised, because now it feels like it is hanging over us. I also can't help but worry that she thinks that I'm being nice to her just to get into her pants again. So I am mulling over whether to ask her for a (non-alcoholic) drink like coffee, and just tell her that whatever might have happened during the weekend, I really enjoyed her company and would like more of it, and that I'm not trying to score or whatever. Normally I dislike explanations like these because they are kinda awkward, but I don't know how else to do it in this case.
(and no, I can't remember if the sex was good haha)
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On February 25 2014 23:42 levelping wrote:
I kinda worry that that whole drunken revelry thing was ill advised, because now it feels like it is hanging over us. I also can't help but worry that she thinks that I'm being nice to her just to get into her pants again. So I am mulling over whether to ask her for a (non-alcoholic) drink like coffee, and just tell her that whatever might have happened during the weekend, I really enjoyed her company and would like more of it, and that I'm not trying to score or whatever. Normally I dislike explanations like these because they are kinda awkward, but I don't know how else to do it in this case.
Sounds like it's at least something you need closure for, so I'd definitely recommend talking about it so that it doesn't keep you up at night. It sounds like you're thinking about the situation reasonably. Worst case scenario: she reacts to it negatively, and then you realize that she's not really the person you thought she was and you can move on. But honesty and openness is certainly a good approach at the beginning of any friendship or relationship, and she'll probably just think it's cute that you're making sure she's okay with what you're doing.
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That butterfly in the stomach stuff is just lust, not love. Lust fades and is crap. Its immature to keep chasing that because you'll never be in a real relationship, you'll just chase the next hot girl who comes your way. Love is far deeper and more meaningful than that.
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On February 26 2014 04:47 fishjie wrote:
That butterfly in the stomach stuff is just lust, not love. Lust fades and is crap. Its immature to keep chasing that because you'll never be in a real relationship, you'll just chase the next hot girl who comes your way. Love is far deeper and more meaningful than that.
Lust has its virtues.
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32 new posts in this thread from the last time I checked. All about Sixstrings, doesn't disappoint.
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On February 26 2014 10:07 Zooper31 wrote:
32 new posts in this thread from the last time I checked. All about Sixstrings, doesn't disappoint.
I'm honestly having trouble. My brain has been telling me for the longest time I'd never see someone that fucked up. I feel like since it's infinitely more likely that it's just some troll - or whatever you'd call... that - it can't actually be real. Surely no one is both that dumb and shameless.
Takes a special kind I guess.
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On February 25 2014 23:42 levelping wrote:
Hey I'm in a funk. Well honestly I think I know what is wrong, so this is more venting than anything else, though helpful comments are always appreciated.
I've moved to a different town for a short attachment (about a month). Was put in touch with a friend of a friend, and she was really nice to have brought me around the place. I like her, she is really fun to be around, but I'm not sure I like her in the dating way (open to it, but uncertain). Well anyway last weekend we and a couple of her friends went out. Her friends recommended her to me during the evening, and we eventually all got really drunk. There's a gap in my memory here, but suffice to say I wake up back in my room with her beside me, and our clothes somewhere else.
I kinda worry that that whole drunken revelry thing was ill advised, because now it feels like it is hanging over us. I also can't help but worry that she thinks that I'm being nice to her just to get into her pants again. So I am mulling over whether to ask her for a (non-alcoholic) drink like coffee, and just tell her that whatever might have happened during the weekend, I really enjoyed her company and would like more of it, and that I'm not trying to score or whatever. Normally I dislike explanations like these because they are kinda awkward, but I don't know how else to do it in this case.
(and no, I can't remember if the sex was good haha)
in my experience, sex with someone for the first time is never good. compound that with the fact you were both drinking and... yeah it probably was shit.
just hang out with her in a non-alcohol induced, no pressure situation. If her friends were recommending her to you, she probably talked to them about you before the evening began, and had some level of interest. Wherever it goes from there should be fine if you know how to deal with people. I feel like if you explain to her that you like hanging out with her, and just want to take things from there and see where they go, everything should be fine.
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Can anyone explain why Allah decides to randomly cockblock me? My gf is a muslim and certain times of each day she has to pray. She tells me we cant have sex right before she prays because if she sweats while praying it will mess with the feng shui of her prayer. We have sex after she prays but it makes me feel like im having a three way with a religious deity.
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Yup I talked to her and all is good.
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I have a gf and a lover.
All is going great.
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On February 27 2014 01:27 ImpromptuGangbang wrote:
I have a gf and a lover.
All is going great.
Good for you ImpromptuGangbang. Have they met each other yet?
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On February 26 2014 04:47 fishjie wrote:
That butterfly in the stomach stuff is just lust, not love. Lust fades and is crap. Its immature to keep chasing that because you'll never be in a real relationship, you'll just chase the next hot girl who comes your way. Love is far deeper and more meaningful than that.
I think most people become infatuated with someone and assume it's love. Isn't it referred to as "puppy love"?
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On February 27 2014 01:43 Mickey wrote:Show nested quote +On February 26 2014 04:47 fishjie wrote:
That butterfly in the stomach stuff is just lust, not love. Lust fades and is crap. Its immature to keep chasing that because you'll never be in a real relationship, you'll just chase the next hot girl who comes your way. Love is far deeper and more meaningful than that. I think most people become infatuated with someone and assume it's love. Isn't it referred to as "puppy love"?
Yup, precisely.
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EPT
