EPTDating: How's your luck? - Page 388
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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Najda
United States3765 Posts
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Acrofales
Spain18185 Posts
On January 28 2014 06:37 Najda wrote: Started using tinder and I've gotten a few matches but have no idea what to open with, any suggestions? "hi" The point is: it really doesn't matter what you open with (within reason), as long as you open. | ||
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RoyGBiv_13
United States1275 Posts
On January 28 2014 06:37 Najda wrote: Started using tinder and I've gotten a few matches but have no idea what to open with, any suggestions? I just tell them jokes. Its good practice anyhow. | ||
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MysteryMeat1
United States3292 Posts
Your gonna hear me rawr!!! | ||
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Najda
United States3765 Posts
On January 28 2014 06:45 Acrofales wrote: "hi" The point is: it really doesn't matter what you open with (within reason), as long as you open. Me: Hi Them: Hey Me: ?? I understand a situational opener based on one of their pictures or account info is good but that isn't always really possible. | ||
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WombaT
Northern Ireland26225 Posts
Inb4 'if you find people boring, it's a sign you are boring'. | ||
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Najda
United States3765 Posts
On January 28 2014 07:19 Wombat_NI wrote: I dunno how the hell you can really connect with anyone on Tinder, or dating sights in general. God I find the whole process really laborious, which isn't a problem but it's effort for no great reward. I suppose if you're just looking a bang it might be OK though Inb4 'if you find people boring, it's a sign you are boring'. I would much rather meet people in person rather than relying on them to like my profile or whatever because I feel like a profile is not a fair way to judge someone, but I'm so busy at the moment and I don't like going to bars/clubs, so my options are very limited. I still enjoy talking to people through tinder or whatever though, but it's still new to me and I'd imagine the novelty will wear off pretty quick. | ||
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WombaT
Northern Ireland26225 Posts
Fine if I had nothing else to do, but I really couldn't be fucked doing it lol. Deleted all my profiles, time to learn programming and music theory (y) | ||
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xDaunt
United States17988 Posts
On January 28 2014 07:19 Wombat_NI wrote: I dunno how the hell you can really connect with anyone on Tinder, or dating sights in general. God I find the whole process really laborious, which isn't a problem but it's effort for no great reward. I suppose if you're just looking a bang it might be OK though Inb4 'if you find people boring, it's a sign you are boring'. It's not reasonable to expect to "connect" with someone just by chatting with them online. That's not really the point of online dating anyway. The point is to create an opportunity to meet someone in person, which is when you'll really see whether you're going to connect with them. Think of online dating websites as marketing tools to get yourself additional exposure to women in general, which is particularly important for guys who are busy and have trouble going out a lot. Of course, it's also useful for guys who aren't particularly good at navigating the bar scene. | ||
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Najda
United States3765 Posts
On January 28 2014 07:30 Wombat_NI wrote: Perhaps I dunno I just find the parts of girls that I find actually interesting, their quirky hobbies etc they often don't open up or feel comfortable to tell you about, so in the end you're sitting around chatting to people just in the off chance that the kind of things you like will reveal themselves, if that makes sense? Fine if I had nothing else to do, but I really couldn't be fucked doing it lol. Deleted all my profiles, time to learn programming and music theory (y) I understand where you're coming from and totally agree, but that's where being a good conversationalist and being able to steer a conversation comes into play. You have to know how to get the conversation going in that direction to have an interesting conversation. I'm not very good at doing that but being bad at it is part of why I enjoy talking to people because I'm trying to improve on that. | ||
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WombaT
Northern Ireland26225 Posts
Again, my tastes differ from most of my friends and people I know, so I doubt they're typical of some of you guys here. I just find it sad that girl's profiles so routinely hide what is interesting about them in lieu of stupid fucking duckface poses  Like, it's not a particularly big deal for me, I'm happily single at present it's just something I found with my brief foray into online dating and the likes. | ||
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Najda
United States3765 Posts
On January 28 2014 07:37 Wombat_NI wrote: It's not a matter of falling head over heels. It's more girls list their interests as 'having fun' 'having a laugh' 'socialising' for the most part, things so general and bland that other than throwing shots in the dark it doesn't really help narrow the search. Again, my tastes differ from most of my friends and people I know, so I doubt they're typical of some of you guys here. I just find it sad that girl's profiles so routinely hide what is interesting about them in lieu of stupid fucking duckface poses Like, it's not a particularly big deal for me, I'm happily single at present it's just something I found with my brief foray into online dating and the likes. Oh no, the profiles rarely reveal anything personally significant. That's where conversation comes into play and why I have a hard time opening. If they had something of personal significance on display on their profile opening would be easy | ||
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Broetchenholer
Germany1950 Posts
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xDaunt
United States17988 Posts
On January 28 2014 07:37 Wombat_NI wrote: It's not a matter of falling head over heels. It's more girls list their interests as 'having fun' 'having a laugh' 'socialising' for the most part, things so general and bland that other than throwing shots in the dark it doesn't really help narrow the search. Again, my tastes differ from most of my friends and people I know, so I doubt they're typical of some of you guys here. I just find it sad that girl's profiles so routinely hide what is interesting about them in lieu of stupid fucking duckface poses Like, it's not a particularly big deal for me, I'm happily single at present it's just something I found with my brief foray into online dating and the likes. Well, first rule of thumb is to take whatever you read on a girl's profile with a grain of salt. You'll learn more about them after a couple minutes of chatting than whatever they post on their profile. And again, the whole point is just to start a conversation. You're never going to know how things are going to pan out. I knew my wife for about 3 months or so before I started dating her. If she had an online profile, it would probably look something like "I am a math nerd who likes photography, dancing, hiking, and cooking." Only the cooking part would have piqued my interest (the ability to cook was always a prerequisite for a girl to marriage material in my book). If you had told me during that time that she was "the one," I'd have laughed. | ||
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WombaT
Northern Ireland26225 Posts
I don't care for having the SAME interests, I find it attractive when girls are confident enough to post shit and be like 'yeah I actually have hobbies, if you don't like it, no skin off my back'. I shall stop soon or bitter misogynist Wombat will rear his ugly head again | ||
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rezoacken
Canada2719 Posts
On January 28 2014 06:37 Najda wrote: Started using tinder and I've gotten a few matches but have no idea what to open with, any suggestions? Is tender using chat or messages ? I don't have a lot of experience using chat systems since I think it's crap, requiring both people to be online at the same time and gluing both for the duration of the conversation. Online dating is supposed to be for busy people. However if it's a message the first important part is actually the subject. In a list of emails/messages, the first thing someone sees is the subjects. If yours is only one among many "Hi !" it's not starting on a good foot. Just make yours stand out, the purpose is only to hook someone's intention so that she doesn't simply skip it. The reality of online dating is that women receive a lot (and I really mean A LOT) more messages than men. Once inside the message however you can tone it down and Hi is a decent first word. How to stand out ? Like you said one of the best way is to either make a quick sharp comment about her photos or her text. After that you can try to think about something bold or funny instead. But if her profile is very short (only one picture and a one liner text) I wouldn't put much effort into it. Chances are, people that put no effort into their profile probably aren't serious about it anyway. | ||
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xDaunt
United States17988 Posts
On January 28 2014 07:58 Wombat_NI wrote: Dude your wife sounds cool lol. I don't care for having the SAME interests, I find it attractive when girls are confident enough to post shit and be like 'yeah I actually have hobbies, if you don't like it, no skin off my back'. I shall stop soon or bitter misogynist Wombat will rear his ugly head again She is cool! That's why I married her. But I didn't even consider her someone that I'd date for the first few months that I knew her. Then a group of us were out and she cracked this joke that I found amusing (I don't even remember what she said). That was the first time that I even considered her in that light. But shit, even then, I didn't think to ask her out. Our first date basically happened by accident. I offered to drive a bunch of people to a dance club, and ultimately only she took up my offer, which basically forced me to spend a lot of time with her. Equally as important, we ended up spending a lot of time dancing with each other, because we didn't really know anyone there except for each other. Spend enough time dancing with a cute girl that you find personally interesting, and instincts are just going to take over. | ||
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Najda
United States3765 Posts
On January 28 2014 08:07 rezoacken wrote: Is tender using chat or messages ? I don't have a lot of experience using chat systems since I think it's crap, requiring both people to be online at the same time and gluing both for the duration of the conversation. Online dating is supposed to be for busy people. However if it's a message the first important part is actually the subject. Tinder is essentially like texting, but you can't message the person unless you both 'like' eachother's photo first. It's very casual and there isn't really a place for a profile, so I guess I'll just have to find something to say about the pictures. | ||
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LeeDawg
United States1306 Posts
On January 28 2014 08:17 Najda wrote: Tinder is essentially like texting, but you can't message the person unless you both 'like' eachother's photo first. It's very casual and there isn't really a place for a profile, so I guess I'll just have to find something to say about the pictures. that sounds kind of limiting as far as a dating service. the one I had the most success with was match, but that one costs money. I've chatted with a few girls on plenty of fish, which is free, but most of the girls, at least the ones around my age (23) that were on there were... not appealing, to me at least. That's most likely because of the lack of effort into their profiles, however. When a profile is something like: "I like to hang out and have fun, message me if you want to know more!" It doesn't interest me at all, since they didn't say anything to make me WANT to know more. The girls I ended up hanging out with through match all had something to catch my interest on their profile, which gave me a place to start a conversation. stuff like her saying "I saw Florence and the Machine when they were in town last summer" or "I love to paint" are two things I saw that led to conversations, which led to actual dates with two different girls. one of whom turned out to be crazy good in bed, and the other turned out to be a good casual friend. so for tinder, which has no profiles, I dunno what you could say. Generally, a girl doesn't want to hear something about her appearance from a complete stranger on the internet, but if you have nothing else to go off of, maybe they will? I would avoid things like "damn girl, you so fine, I want to get up on dat" cause... yeah. | ||
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rezoacken
Canada2719 Posts
On January 28 2014 08:17 Najda wrote: Tinder is essentially like texting, but you can't message the person unless you both 'like' eachother's photo first. It's very casual and there isn't really a place for a profile, so I guess I'll just have to find something to say about the pictures. I'd say that the US probably has better options then... And you're not forced to use only one dating service anyway. | ||
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