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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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McBengt
Sweden1684 Posts
On May 08 2013 08:47 Wombat_NI wrote: Well yeah you're aiming to consummate our E-relationship in the interim right? Nothing would give me greater pleasure, I shall pray that thine fine wench shall take no offence to my subtle advances. As fucked up as it may sound, I enjoy casual banter with like minded individuals a lot more than any deep, romantic conversation. | ||
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WombaT
Northern Ireland25308 Posts
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r.Evo
Germany14080 Posts
On May 08 2013 09:05 Wombat_NI wrote: I don't see why it's fucked up, I find it strange that people lust after the first girl that says hello to them. "Wow you're too stupid, I don't even want to have sex with you anymore." Best closing line ever. | ||
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WombaT
Northern Ireland25308 Posts
 Well, I'm more a relationship guy, so I tailor my preferences accordingly. Wouldn't be quite so picky if it was otherwise. | ||
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sambo400
United States378 Posts
On May 08 2013 08:20 Orcasgt24 wrote: Text message preview reads "Your a nice guy but I..." Deleted the message and the conversation. No good ever comes out of that opener. Time to try with a different girl. This is why texting should only be used with people you are already tight with or as a mechanism of purely giving value imo. Its too easy. Hell, if you ask her out in person/over the phone, she might be too concerned with hurting your feelings to say no! Then you have at least ONE date... I guess the PUAs might say something like, texting gives the other person all the power (or higher value), and by putting the ball in their court, you lower your value and become less attractive. Plus, there is just no emotional involvement with texting. Emotions are essentially what you are after anyway. There used to be an amazing thread on the MLG website about girls and social dynamics, its a shame they shut the forums down. | ||
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r.Evo
Germany14080 Posts
Welp, it doesn't matter. If you genuinely enjoy it and nothing seems to go horribly wrong on a regular basis, keep it up. Cool textmessages are those things she keeps around to read them later. They're also what she shows to her friends. And they can be the first or last thing she reads before or after sleeping. As with with almost everything dating related "never" or "always" only apply if you can't work with it. | ||
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sambo400
United States378 Posts
On May 08 2013 10:12 r.Evo wrote: The main arguments against texting are among the lines of "it puts the ball in her court", "delayed/more thoughtout responses", "guys with balls call and make her nervous", "it doesn't require focus/attention". Welp, it doesn't matter. If you genuinely enjoy it and nothing seems to go horribly wrong on a regular basis, keep it up. Cool textmessages are those things she keeps around to read them later. They're also what she shows to her friends. And they can be the first or last thing she reads before or after sleeping. As with with almost everything dating related "never" or "always" only apply if you can't work with it. I can agree with you. However I think a many people, especially the younger type and less experienced/more shy guys who might read/post here would be doing themselves a favor by putting themselves out there a little more. I know its true for me. I just prefer to only have text based interactions with people I know well or aren't really interested in. Otherwise I'll sit there like a doofus stressing over each letter of every text, as if its some convoluted game. Obviously its ok to text about unimportant stuff, I just prefer the "moment of truth" type things to include human interaction. A few weeks ago I asked a girl to our formal in person, and she said no. Perhaps I was too direct and may have embarrassed her or something. Then 3 hours later she called me and said she changed her mind (this girl is a slight head case and there were other factors I wont go into), then later we texted about stupid shit that was more just value giving and flirting. Thats more of what I meant. Imagine if I had texted her though: "You want to go to our formal?" "Thanks for asking but blah blah blah still in love with my ex blah blah blah I like you but not like that blah blah" "... k" That was boring. And I doubt I would have gotten a call back changing her mind. Idk. Its like the difference between mailing in an application and walking into the store with the help wanted sign. | ||
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Orcasgt24
Canada3238 Posts
On May 08 2013 09:14 sambo400 wrote: This is why texting should only be used with people you are already tight with or as a mechanism of purely giving value imo. Its too easy. Hell, if you ask her out in person/over the phone, she might be too concerned with hurting your feelings to say no! Then you have at least ONE date... I guess the PUAs might say something like, texting gives the other person all the power (or higher value), and by putting the ball in their court, you lower your value and become less attractive. Plus, there is just no emotional involvement with texting. Emotions are essentially what you are after anyway. There used to be an amazing thread on the MLG website about girls and social dynamics, its a shame they shut the forums down. 100% agree I got her number the day I asked her out in person. The second time I asked her she said maybe and I'll text you. Thats what the text preview said :/ | ||
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sambo400
United States378 Posts
On May 08 2013 10:46 Orcasgt24 wrote: 100% agree I got her number the day I asked her out in person. The second time I asked her she said maybe and I'll text you. Thats what the text preview said :/ Bummer. I'd have at least read it though, you may have gotten a laugh : / | ||
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rezoacken
Canada2719 Posts
If you're asking the real stuff (a date for example) in texts I would advise to stop. Shows no confidence and when you text serious stuff, the reader gets into his/her head and starts really thinking about the answer. There is no human tension involved etc. On the other hand, texting small comments or jokes is perfectly fine. Especially when everything is going well. Just don't send too much stuff either and avoid conversations through texts. Keep those for real events. I would add: Text back only if you have something interesting to say; don't text back if you don't feel like it. | ||
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WombaT
Northern Ireland25308 Posts
Case in point was my partner's friend group saying to her early in our courtship that she should finish things as I was 'aloof an unaffectionate'. This devastating description was devised solely on the basis that I don't use xoxo and the likes in my texting, preferring a more perfunctory style. Thank fuck she didn't listen to them, and indeed one of them is off the scene now. It's not just the recipient you have to worry about, it's when her and her friends sit around with divining rods, sacrifice an unfortunate goat and analyse what everything 'means | ||
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FeUerFlieGe
United States1193 Posts
On May 08 2013 12:33 Wombat_NI wrote: Never text if you can avoid it, it's a strange domain when women are concerned, governed by arcane rules that the male brain cannot understand. Case in point was my partner's friend group saying to her early in our courtship that she should finish things as I was 'aloof an unaffectionate'. This devastating description was devised solely on the basis that I don't use xoxo and the likes in my texting, preferring a more perfunctory style. Thank fuck she didn't listen to them, and indeed one of them is off the scene now. It's not just the recipient you have to worry about, it's when her and her friends sit around with divining rods, sacrifice an unfortunate goat and analyse what everything 'means This is very true. More breakups than one have the poor girls cultist friends possessed her to break the bond between us. Although I adapted by actually giving signs of affection in my texts... pray I don't go too far and make her friends think I am a mushy little pussy who isn't worth it. | ||
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docvoc
United States5491 Posts
On May 08 2013 11:59 rezoacken wrote: I would add: Text back only if you have something interesting to say; don't text back if you don't feel like it. This is a bad idea. It is not a good idea to text back sparsely, it is a good idea to think through what you text back though. It is a balance that needs to be struck, you have to keep her attention, but you don't need to say mindless garbage that she doesn't laugh or give a second look to. | ||
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sunprince
United States2258 Posts
On May 08 2013 12:48 docvoc wrote: This is a bad idea. It is not a good idea to text back sparsely, it is a good idea to think through what you text back though. It is a balance that needs to be struck, you have to keep her attention, but you don't need to say mindless garbage that she doesn't laugh or give a second look to. If you have enough spare time to text the same person incessantly, then you're not doing enough with your life or you're talking to too few people. | ||
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Hug-A-Hydralisk
United States174 Posts
This is a serious question, help a brother out. | ||
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Shady Sands
United States4021 Posts
On May 08 2013 13:59 Hug-A-Hydralisk wrote: I got a job at a mexican restaurant and I'm the only guy who works there with a bunch of babes and I don't know which one to dominate first. Erm I'm the only good looking guy, other than me there's an old Hispanic and a fat alcoholic in his 20s. Am I really suppos to pick only one girl or can I indulge? The employee handbook says nothing about relationships. This is a serious question, help a brother out. Don't shit where you eat. Just stay friendly and slightly out of reach, then when you move onto another job, make your move on the girl that fits you the best. | ||
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rezoacken
Canada2719 Posts
On May 08 2013 12:48 docvoc wrote: This is a bad idea. It is not a good idea to text back sparsely, it is a good idea to think through what you text back though. It is a balance that needs to be struck, you have to keep her attention, but you don't need to say mindless garbage that she doesn't laugh or give a second look to. Let me disagree then. As long as you don't ignore somebody I don't see why you should spend time thinking hard on your responses just to make one. If you don't have anything, say nothing and move on. But I guess that's an example of the kind of stuff where its a different approach for different men. I have no issue texting when I feel like it (in a way according to my previous post) and I don't really believe in "friends will rip your texts" thing. Maybe that's true at 16-18 I don't know that was 10years ago for me. My logic is that her friends will investigate something else anyway, your girl's friends now so many little detail about you anyway (how you smell, how you talk, your job, your penis size, whether you're good or not in bed, etc...) that texting is just another source for it so I don't care. P.S: Not saying it can never happen since someone here seems to say it happened to him when he wasn't adding XoXOX in his texts. But in the end it didn't really matter according to his story, and if it did matter I'd be hapy to avoid a dumb woman. | ||
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farvacola
United States18826 Posts
On May 08 2013 13:59 Hug-A-Hydralisk wrote: I got a job at a mexican restaurant and I'm the only guy who works there with a bunch of babes and I don't know which one to dominate first. Erm I'm the only good looking guy, other than me there's an old Hispanic and a fat alcoholic in his 20s. Am I really suppos to pick only one girl or can I indulge? The employee handbook says nothing about relationships. This is a serious question, help a brother out. Serious questions as to picking up women that include the word "dominate" either come from PUA fools or children. Step your game up, and maybe treat them like human beings and not things to be "dominated". | ||
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babylon
8765 Posts
On May 08 2013 13:57 sunprince wrote: If you have enough spare time to text the same person incessantly, then you're not doing enough with your life or you're talking to too few people. You would hate Korean dating culture. Text text text oh you're asking me a question waitasec LET ME TEXT BACK MY GF IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR CONVERSATION wtf are manners. But I'm sure it's a cultural thing. I also hate texting. It allows for conversations that are about as deep as a puddle. | ||
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rezoacken
Canada2719 Posts
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