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Dating: How's your luck? - Page 112
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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Grumbels
Netherlands7032 Posts
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sunprince
United States2258 Posts
On April 20 2013 21:50 Wombat_NI wrote: 'Don't listen to Grumbels' 'I'm going to assume you have Aspergers traits' It's suggested by the post he made here as well as the posting history I glanced over, that he appears to have some of the associated traits, as I stated. | ||
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ziggurat
Canada847 Posts
On April 20 2013 13:03 kaykaykay wrote: Update: I told her the letter was to ask her out for dinner, and she says she misplaced it. And then I said it didn't matter now since I'm directly asking her out now. And she replies and i quote, with a "Fine with anything!!!!!" So I set a date. But then she says she's working on weekends and that weekends in general are risky. And I'm busy on weekdays so I ask her to see if she can make time for it the next weekend. So.. now that I've done all I can and the ball's in her court, I just have to wait for her to make time to see me? Why in the world are you giving her a letter? Your behaviour is weird and she is creeped out by it. She wants to tell you she isn't interested but she's too shy/nice to tell you outright. So instead she tells you she lost the letter, and then tells you that she can't see you on a weekend but doesn't offer any other times. You blew it with this girl. Sorry to be blunt but it's pretty obvious. If you want to try to salvage it with this girl -- which is probably impossible -- I suggest you try to think of an activity that both you and her would really enjoy. Then tell her you're ging to go do [activity] on date/time, and invite her to join you. Don't call it a date, and make it clear that you're going to go and have a good time regardless of whether she comes or not. But in the meantime you should play the field a bit. | ||
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ziggurat
Canada847 Posts
On April 20 2013 13:10 Mostly[Q] wrote: Ughhh. I just got friend zoned hardcore by a girl that I've liked for awhile... I probably waited to long to ask her out, but it just makes me so depressed. I talk to her everyday, walk her to her locker and car daily, and exchange texts with her on a regular basis (she even texts me first half the time). I am second in my class, I play guitar, I play piano, I play varsity soccer, and, not to sound like a douche bag, but am an attractive guy. Meanwhile, her ex boyfriend (whom she still has feelings for) is a fat ginger who was a dick to her and her most recent boyfriend cheated on her after roughly two weeks of dating. I suppose this isn't really a constructive post as I seem to be basing relationships completely on physical attractiveness and achievements rather than what they should be based on, but it still feels good to vent... It's a sad fact that being too nice to a girl will make her like you less, and that treating her badly will often make her like you more. This is especially true with girls who have low self-esteem. The world would probably be a much nicer place if it didn't work this way ... but it does. Source: 25 years as a shy nerd, followed by 5 years of dating like crazy, followed by 7 years of being in a serious relationship (now married with kids) | ||
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Abominous
Croatia1625 Posts
On April 20 2013 23:06 ziggurat wrote: It's a sad fact that being too nice to a girl will make her like you less, and that treating her badly will often make her like you more. This is especially true with girls who have low self-esteem. The world would probably be a much nicer place if it didn't work this way ... but it does. Source: 25 years as a shy nerd, followed by 5 years of dating like crazy, followed by 7 years of being in a serious relationship (now married with kids) People tend to oversimplify. There's a lot more going on than just being nice to her. Important thing is noticing when it clicks and when to stop bothering. | ||
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ziggurat
Canada847 Posts
On April 20 2013 23:12 Abominous wrote: People tend to oversimplify. There's a lot more going on than just being nice to her. Important thing is noticing when it clicks and when to stop bothering. You're right that "there's a lot more going on". Of course. But my point is still an important one. Many inexperienced men make the mistake of thinking that a girl will like them more if they are extra nice to her, when it most cases the opposite is true. | ||
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Mostly[Q]
United States34 Posts
People tend to oversimplify. There's a lot more going on than just being nice to her. Important thing is noticing when it clicks and when to stop bothering. It seemed like it was clicking to me. She waited for me everyday after class so we could walk together. All of my friends (both male and female) thought she was flirting with me. I guess I have definite information that it is time to stop bothering now though. | ||
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openbox1
1393 Posts
Thank god I'm all set right now. | ||
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Chaosu
Poland404 Posts
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SoniC_eu
Denmark1008 Posts
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ziggurat
Canada847 Posts
On April 20 2013 23:20 Mostly[Q] wrote: It seemed like it was clicking to me. She waited for me everyday after class so we could walk together. All of my friends (both male and female) thought she was flirting with me. I guess I have definite information that it is time to stop bothering now though. You can probably still salvage it with her. She obviously did like you at one time. She is likely just confused about what she wants. I would suggest that you give her some space. Don't make yourself available to her whenever she wants. Make sure she knows that you have a lot going on in your life besides waiting around to see if she'll spend time with you. Also, when you do see her, tease her and make fun of her in a friendly way. You might be surprised at how well she responds. THe one thing that will absolutely kill your chances at romance is if she thinks that you're desperate. Ironically, if she thinks that you don't care she will become a lot more interested. | ||
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hooahah
3752 Posts
On April 20 2013 22:32 sunprince wrote: It's suggested by the post he made here as well as the posting history I glanced over, that he appears to have some of the associated traits, as I stated. hmm, how so? I don't have any feminist/misogynic thoughts, so you guys can cross that off the bar. My big problem is that I have no experience talking to girls one on one, and as such, no confidence (since confidence is a thing built via experience) My biggest problem is that my financial problem - I'm backed 100% by my parents, in rent, studies and whatnot, and that just makes me feel as if I'm inadaquate as a person. A lot of people do it, but that doesn't make me feel any better. Time to get a job I guess, but then my grades'll suffer and ahhhhhhhhhhhhh I'll go check out the fashion thread, see what I can get from it, thank you. | ||
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Mostly[Q]
United States34 Posts
You can probably still salvage it with her. She obviously did like you at one time. She is likely just confused about what she wants. I would suggest that you give her some space. Don't make yourself available to her whenever she wants. Make sure she knows that you have a lot going on in your life besides waiting around to see if she'll spend time with you. Also, when you do see her, tease her and make fun of her in a friendly way. You might be surprised at how well she responds. THe one thing that will absolutely kill your chances at romance is if she thinks that you're desperate. Ironically, if she thinks that you don't care she will become a lot more interested. Yeah I think you're probably right. I should just give her some space and go from there. That being said, school is almost over and I'm going to be gone almost the entire summer, so I don't see things working out in the immediate future. I suppose it's not worth get to upset about. Maybe I'll meet someone else this summer and, if not, I can always try to further things with this girl next year. | ||
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sc4k
United Kingdom5454 Posts
On April 20 2013 23:17 ziggurat wrote: You're right that "there's a lot more going on". Of course. But my point is still an important one. Many inexperienced men make the mistake of thinking that a girl will like them more if they are extra nice to her, when it most cases the opposite is true. This is kind of the case with everyone tbh. If someone is overly nice to me, it annoys me and makes me wonder what their game is. If you want to show a girl you like her, straight up tell her it. No bullshit games and no bullshit 'negging' and yes stay away from sycophantic behaviour. And remember MostlyQ most girls judge guys on way more things than the list you mentioned. Style of clothes, way of speaking, sense of humour, confidence, intriguing qualities, variety of interests, the dimensions of their face (individual to most girls). You might just not be her cup of tea. Rather than trying to fill her with kindness coins until sex falls out, you have gotten the lame part out and asked her out. Now all you need to do is two things: a) Get quicker at the asking out part b) Move on and find other girls to try this with. | ||
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Mostly[Q]
United States34 Posts
This is kind of the case with everyone tbh. If someone is overly nice to me, it annoys me and makes me wonder what their game is. If you want to show a girl you like her, straight up tell her it. No bullshit games and no bullshit 'negging'. And remember MostlyQ most girls judge guys on way more things than the list you mentioned. Style of clothes, way of speaking, sense of humour, confidence, intriguing qualities, variety of interests. You might just not be her cup of tea. Rather than trying to fill her with kindness coins until sex falls out, you have gotten the lame part out and asked her out. Now all you need to do is two things: a) Get quicker at the asking out part b) Move on and find other girls to try this with. Overall, I would say that is good advice. I can think of several instances where I've probably been guilty of playing games; I do need to get quicker with the asking out and move on and find other girls to try asking out, but I take exception to "Rather than trying to fill her with kindness coins until sex falls out." I actually did/do like her as a person. Obviously I wouldn't have turned down sex, but that wasn't my primary goal. I'd like to think I dress reasonably well, I phased all the overly nerdy StarCraft shirts years ago. It's completely possible my way of speaking, sense of humour, and confidence may have been an issue. I have a very sarcastic sense of humor and have been told I sometimes come off as condescending and pretentious. I think that's mainly a defense mechanism though (not an excuse, just something I need to work on). Thank you, though, this is definitely good advice. | ||
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boon2537
United States905 Posts
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BeaSteR
Sweden328 Posts
On April 21 2013 01:25 boon2537 wrote: Keeping a long distance relationship as I go study abroad....we will see how it will go I guess Tell me how it went, considering entering one myself | ||
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ROOTFayth
Canada3351 Posts
On April 20 2013 23:20 Mostly[Q] wrote: It seemed like it was clicking to me. She waited for me everyday after class so we could walk together. All of my friends (both male and female) thought she was flirting with me. I guess I have definite information that it is time to stop bothering now though. were you flirty too, or just friendly, there's quite a big difference | ||
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ROOTFayth
Canada3351 Posts
On April 20 2013 23:51 hooahah wrote: quite the debate here... hmm, how so? I don't have any feminist/misogynic thoughts, so you guys can cross that off the bar. My big problem is that I have no experience talking to girls one on one, and as such, no confidence (since confidence is a thing built via experience) My biggest problem is that my financial problem - I'm backed 100% by my parents, in rent, studies and whatnot, and that just makes me feel as if I'm inadaquate as a person. A lot of people do it, but that doesn't make me feel any better. Time to get a job I guess, but then my grades'll suffer and ahhhhhhhhhhhhh I'll go check out the fashion thread, see what I can get from it, thank you. I don't understand why you don't just go out and get that experience, build that confidence you're apparently missing | ||
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arb
Noobville17922 Posts
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