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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.

Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.

Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating.
farvacola
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
United States18870 Posts
April 20 2013 17:58 GMT
#2241
On April 21 2013 02:56 arb wrote:
stupid as fuck, I hate people. so god damn much.

Sounds like there must a story behind this?
"when the Dead Kennedys found out they had skinhead fans, they literally wrote a song titled 'Nazi Punks Fuck Off'"
MasterOfPuppets
Profile Blog Joined March 2011
Romania6942 Posts
April 20 2013 17:59 GMT
#2242
On April 21 2013 02:56 arb wrote:
stupid as fuck, I hate people. so god damn much.


This post gives me a deep resonance.
"my shaft scares me too" - strenx 2014
Mostly[Q]
Profile Joined April 2011
United States34 Posts
April 20 2013 18:15 GMT
#2243
were you flirty too, or just friendly, there's quite a big difference

I was flirting with her. Sometimes I have difficulty realizing when I'm flirting or being flirted with, but people who saw us together said I was flirting really overtly.
Will be sad when Bisu joins Ace and shaves his head
hooahah
Profile Joined October 2011
3752 Posts
April 20 2013 18:21 GMT
#2244
On April 21 2013 02:55 ROOTFayth wrote:
Show nested quote +
On April 20 2013 23:51 hooahah wrote:
quite the debate here...

On April 20 2013 22:32 sunprince wrote:
On April 20 2013 21:50 Wombat_NI wrote:
'Don't listen to Grumbels'

'I'm going to assume you have Aspergers traits'


It's suggested by the post he made here as well as the posting history I glanced over, that he appears to have some of the associated traits, as I stated.


hmm, how so?

I don't have any feminist/misogynic thoughts, so you guys can cross that off the bar. My big problem is that I have no experience talking to girls one on one, and as such, no confidence (since confidence is a thing built via experience)

My biggest problem is that my financial problem - I'm backed 100% by my parents, in rent, studies and whatnot, and that just makes me feel as if I'm inadaquate as a person. A lot of people do it, but that doesn't make me feel any better. Time to get a job I guess, but then my grades'll suffer and ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

I'll go check out the fashion thread, see what I can get from it, thank you.

I don't understand why you don't just go out and get that experience, build that confidence you're apparently missing


deep ingrained thought that "it has never happened before, hence it won't happen now"

very much like other problems, all you have to do in order to solve them is 'just do it'

which is why I went yesterday to a pub, filled with the intent to charge in there and just...try. Anything. Then as soon as I walked in I realized 99% of the place was dudes and hightailed it out there back home.
Xenocryst
Profile Joined December 2010
United States521 Posts
April 20 2013 18:31 GMT
#2245
Jesus people.... This whole confessing your love shit doesn't work!! You need to not look desperate and creepy, just act like a nice, cool, interesting, friendly guy and you're in. Also to all the people saying looks, if you're male than looks for the most part mean very little, it's all about personality/confidence.
farvacola
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
United States18870 Posts
April 20 2013 18:33 GMT
#2246
Confessing your love can work, it just needs to not be done in a desperate and creepy way.
"when the Dead Kennedys found out they had skinhead fans, they literally wrote a song titled 'Nazi Punks Fuck Off'"
arb
Profile Blog Joined April 2008
Noobville17922 Posts
April 20 2013 18:34 GMT
#2247
On April 21 2013 02:59 MasterOfPuppets wrote:
Show nested quote +
On April 21 2013 02:56 arb wrote:
stupid as fuck, I hate people. so god damn much.


This post gives me a deep resonance.

if you only knew
Artillery spawned from the forges of Hell
MasterOfPuppets
Profile Blog Joined March 2011
Romania6942 Posts
April 20 2013 18:44 GMT
#2248
On April 21 2013 03:34 arb wrote:
Show nested quote +
On April 21 2013 02:59 MasterOfPuppets wrote:
On April 21 2013 02:56 arb wrote:
stupid as fuck, I hate people. so god damn much.


This post gives me a deep resonance.

if you only knew


Jokes aside, I've been feeling very similarly as of late.
"my shaft scares me too" - strenx 2014
Xenocryst
Profile Joined December 2010
United States521 Posts
April 20 2013 18:46 GMT
#2249
On April 21 2013 03:33 farvacola wrote:
Confessing your love can work, it just needs to not be done in a desperate and creepy way.

In my mind confessing your love is a great thing once you are already in a relationship or extremely close, but other than that it is almost ALWAYS creepy, I've seen too many people do it and cringed as they did it. It is almost always creepy.
ziggurat
Profile Joined October 2010
Canada847 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-04-20 18:56:32
April 20 2013 18:54 GMT
#2250
On April 21 2013 03:21 hooahah wrote:
Show nested quote +
On April 21 2013 02:55 ROOTFayth wrote:
On April 20 2013 23:51 hooahah wrote:
quite the debate here...

On April 20 2013 22:32 sunprince wrote:
On April 20 2013 21:50 Wombat_NI wrote:
'Don't listen to Grumbels'

'I'm going to assume you have Aspergers traits'


It's suggested by the post he made here as well as the posting history I glanced over, that he appears to have some of the associated traits, as I stated.


hmm, how so?

I don't have any feminist/misogynic thoughts, so you guys can cross that off the bar. My big problem is that I have no experience talking to girls one on one, and as such, no confidence (since confidence is a thing built via experience)

My biggest problem is that my financial problem - I'm backed 100% by my parents, in rent, studies and whatnot, and that just makes me feel as if I'm inadaquate as a person. A lot of people do it, but that doesn't make me feel any better. Time to get a job I guess, but then my grades'll suffer and ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

I'll go check out the fashion thread, see what I can get from it, thank you.

I don't understand why you don't just go out and get that experience, build that confidence you're apparently missing


deep ingrained thought that "it has never happened before, hence it won't happen now"

very much like other problems, all you have to do in order to solve them is 'just do it'

which is why I went yesterday to a pub, filled with the intent to charge in there and just...try. Anything. Then as soon as I walked in I realized 99% of the place was dudes and hightailed it out there back home.

You know, going out to a pub with the intention of hitting on random women is not the way to start. This is practically impossible for a shy person at the bar by himself to do. You need to find some activities where you can meet women naturally. Join some kind of activities where there are lots of women. Take an acting class, do ultimate frisbee, join an outdoors group and go on hikes, whatever you think would be fun where there will be at least 50% women. But if your life is structured so you rarely meet attractive women in normal social situations then you are at a big disadvantage right off the bat.

Or internet dating, obviously.
WombaT
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
Northern Ireland27471 Posts
April 20 2013 19:11 GMT
#2251
That or deal with whatever underlying confidence issues you might have. Pushing out of your comfort zone will have benefits, but long-term you want to expand the confines of what constitutes a comfort zone for you. If you are putting yourself out there in situations that you never come to terms with, things will not resolve long term.

Will expand upon this when I'm not in the maternity ward awaiting mini wombat'
'You'll always be the cuddly marsupial of my heart, despite the inherent flaws of your ancestry' - Squat
TL+ Member
riddi
Profile Joined February 2011
United Kingdom118 Posts
April 20 2013 19:25 GMT
#2252
So im moving to Finland in august to study for a year. Been with my girlfriend for over a year, we both like each other a hell of a lot. And yet we broke up 2 days ago. Im gutted, i know shes gutted, and it all stemmed from the fact that im moving to Finland. For background, im 21, had plenty of girlfriends, couple of lengthy relationships, and generally dont have a problem picking up girls.

I might've said some stupid shit, along the lines of "whatever happens will happen, you might decide you dont wanna be with me, or vice versa, and we'll deal with that when it happens". Just being as realistic and honest as i could be really. She didnt like it, stormed off, came back a while later and said it wasnt gunna work, were breaking up, etc etc. Shes had a previous boyf up sticks and move to the USA before, and it was messy. Anyway, she also said, "If we stay together, il forever be worrying if you're cheating, i wont know. and if we last the year, and you come back, il still never know, and itll always be on my mind." Basically, she doesn't trust me (no reason not to, ive never/never will cheat on a girl"

Went out and got hideously drunk last night, was not a good idea but hey ho. Im still kinda clinging on to the fact that we might get back together, weve spoken a small bit since, bumped into her at university which was awkward, and were gunna meet up some time next week to "talk".

Worth going through all the shit, or should i just forget about it and make the most of the Scandinavian girls?
McBengt
Profile Joined May 2011
Sweden1684 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-04-20 19:28:20
April 20 2013 19:27 GMT
#2253
On April 21 2013 04:11 Wombat_NI wrote:
That or deal with whatever underlying confidence issues you might have. Pushing out of your comfort zone will have benefits, but long-term you want to expand the confines of what constitutes a comfort zone for you. If you are putting yourself out there in situations that you never come to terms with, things will not resolve long term.

Will expand upon this when I'm not in the maternity ward awaiting mini wombat'


My mouth is watering as we speak... I mean congratulations to the imminent addition to your family unit, I have calculated that it is statistically probable that your child will be of aesthetically pleasing appearance and of sound constitution, including efficacious vocal cords.

Btw, anyone seen the oregano?
"My twelve year old will out-reason Bill Maher when it comes to understanding, you know, what, uh, how to logic work" - Rick Santorum
WombaT
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
Northern Ireland27471 Posts
April 20 2013 19:28 GMT
#2254
I hate you, I have wanted to go there, had a Finnish gf before but am stuck here for a while yet. I say go for it
'You'll always be the cuddly marsupial of my heart, despite the inherent flaws of your ancestry' - Squat
TL+ Member
Shotcoder
Profile Blog Joined July 2009
United States2316 Posts
April 20 2013 19:28 GMT
#2255
Went to the bar, and got a number. First one I've gotten in like a year. I honestly forget how to handle the situation.
Shotcoder - C+ BW Terran, Gold LoL(ADC Main)
riddi
Profile Joined February 2011
United Kingdom118 Posts
April 20 2013 19:32 GMT
#2256
On April 21 2013 04:28 Wombat_NI wrote:
I hate you, I have wanted to go there, had a Finnish gf before but am stuck here for a while yet. I say go for it


Hah, il be in Helsinki, really looking forward to this. Was an opportunity that i was never going to pass up, just a shame its left me in the situation im in. And i know that give it 2-3 weeks, and il be fine, things just feel awful at the moment, and i needed to vent.

Its horrible going from seeing someone most days/spending alot of time with them, to not seeing them for a few, not speaking at all, just bleugh. Happy relationship to messy break up in 20 minutes.
Grumbels
Profile Blog Joined May 2009
Netherlands7032 Posts
April 20 2013 19:36 GMT
#2257
On April 21 2013 04:25 riddi wrote:
So im moving to Finland in august to study for a year.
[..]
Worth going through all the shit, or should i just forget about it and make the most of the Scandinavian girls?

The first thing you need to work on is your geography, as Finland is not Scandinavian.
Well, now I tell you, I never seen good come o' goodness yet. Him as strikes first is my fancy; dead men don't bite; them's my views--amen, so be it.
riddi
Profile Joined February 2011
United Kingdom118 Posts
April 20 2013 19:39 GMT
#2258
On April 21 2013 04:36 Grumbels wrote:
Show nested quote +
On April 21 2013 04:25 riddi wrote:
So im moving to Finland in august to study for a year.
[..]
Worth going through all the shit, or should i just forget about it and make the most of the Scandinavian girls?

The first thing you need to work on is your geography, as Finland is not Scandinavian.


Facepalm moment. I always assumed that Scandinavian was Finland/Sweden/Denmark. Apparently its Norway, not Finland. Ah well.
McBengt
Profile Joined May 2011
Sweden1684 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-04-20 19:41:12
April 20 2013 19:40 GMT
#2259
On April 21 2013 04:36 Grumbels wrote:
Show nested quote +
On April 21 2013 04:25 riddi wrote:
So im moving to Finland in august to study for a year.
[..]
Worth going through all the shit, or should i just forget about it and make the most of the Scandinavian girls?

The first thing you need to work on is your geography, as Finland is not Scandinavian.


Still, it's a lot like Sweden 2, but with worse hockey and more russians.
"My twelve year old will out-reason Bill Maher when it comes to understanding, you know, what, uh, how to logic work" - Rick Santorum
turdburgler
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
England6749 Posts
April 20 2013 19:52 GMT
#2260
On April 21 2013 04:39 riddi wrote:
Show nested quote +
On April 21 2013 04:36 Grumbels wrote:
On April 21 2013 04:25 riddi wrote:
So im moving to Finland in august to study for a year.
[..]
Worth going through all the shit, or should i just forget about it and make the most of the Scandinavian girls?

The first thing you need to work on is your geography, as Finland is not Scandinavian.


Facepalm moment. I always assumed that Scandinavian was Finland/Sweden/Denmark. Apparently its Norway, not Finland. Ah well.



you can do 1 better by calling finish people russian.
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