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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On April 19 2013 23:17 Legion710 wrote:
Alright, here we go. There are hundred of posts here so I don't expect anyone to read mine, but I guess I just need to get it out of me.
I think I'm a pretty attractive guy, I'm a climber and I'm really in shape etc. However, for some reason, I haven't had a girlfriend for 5 years. My two first girlfriends were long relationships, and I lost my virginity at 13... It was fine when I was younger (in school, especially), because girls are always around you and you always have some excuse to talk to them, and it's never weird.
Ever since I got out of school, however, I've been having alot of trouble getting to know women. It's like men have to do everything while women just have to look pretty. The only women I'm really attracted to are either on the bus or in public places, and for me that's just the hardest place to approach them. I feel like I have to pull a rabbit out of my ass to even say hello. I have no idea what to say to them.
Anyone care to share some advice?
P.S. : Yes, there are hot women at the climbing gym, but they are often taken or with multiple friends. And even then, I'm, being too much of a pussy.
P.S.2: I don't like bars, or bar girls for that matter.
TL;DR, How do I grow some balls? (or a vagina; they can take a pounding)
Go someplace new. When I was in high school one of my favorite things to do was go to a mall on weekends in a town you don't know very well. Walk up to girls (preferably a group) and tell them that you are new to the area and ask if they will help you get around. It helps to have some actually errands that you need to do so you actually have someplace to go. I need to buy work shoes, I need to check on prices for a tv, see about renting a car, whatever. Offer to buy them lunch if they can help you get around. My experience is women don't like to be the princess in the isolated tower guarded by a dragon anymore. They would much rather be a part of slaying the dragon with you. Present your dragon (problem) and allow them to come on the adventure with you to slay it. I
I've been married for nearly 6 years now and this still works with my wife. I can get my wife to pretty much do anything I want or allow me to do nearly anything by engaging her sense of adventure. I do it so often that its habitual. I regularly buy her flowers but I'm really bad at it. When I go to buy them I always ask random women walking buy that if their husband were to buy them flowers which ones they would want him to buy. In minutes gaggles of women are gathered around me trying to help me find the perfect thing for her. Women love to help. Put them in a position where they are helping.
If you need motivation to approach them to begin with, put yourself in a position where you need their help, forget our cell phone, have a friend drop you off at the mall so you need a ride, whatever. Then you absolutely must find someone to help you even if you fail the first time.
On the first date with my wife I told her that I needed a woman's perspective on buying some new clothes because I wanted to get back on the dating scene. Told her she had to make me look good.
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Thanks for the advice. I do play ultimate, lol. Not too much attractive women tbh...
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On April 19 2013 23:35 Legion710 wrote:
Thanks for the advice. I do play ultimate, lol. Not too much attractive women tbh...
thats just bad luck, but the priciple stands. just try stuff till you get lucky. also you can learn a lot along the way, witch makes you more interesting when you finally meet a girl :D
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On April 18 2013 16:16 Wombat_NI wrote:
I don't envy some of you single fellows at all. The whole dating/seeking thing really fucks with your head and turns the most badass and interesting of fellows into neurotic boring wrecks.
Granted you probably don't envy me either, as I have a mini-Wombat due anytime now!
Contratz wombat, if your baby is half as cool as you, consider it a success. + Show Spoiler +I have a feeling he will be even cooler. However some parents make the mistake of buying their kids a mechanical keyboard before they can handle it.
I gotz a hug yesterday! As well as being invited over next week to play mario kart 64!
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On April 19 2013 23:45 MysteryMeat1 wrote:Show nested quote +On April 18 2013 16:16 Wombat_NI wrote:
I don't envy some of you single fellows at all. The whole dating/seeking thing really fucks with your head and turns the most badass and interesting of fellows into neurotic boring wrecks.
Granted you probably don't envy me either, as I have a mini-Wombat due anytime now! Contratz wombat, if your baby is half as cool as you, consider it a success. + Show Spoiler +I have a feeling he will be even cooler. However some parents make the mistake of buying their kids a mechanical keyboard before they can handle it. I gotz a hug yesterday! As well as being invited over next week to play mario kart 64!
What, you found a girl who still plays mario kart 64? If she has Golden Eye marry this girl immediately.
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The internet is so silly always with the "marry her!" stuff, based on one positive incident. I'm not that good at deciphering these things, but it must be based on some weird sexist beliefs where 1. marriage is the goal of a relationship 2. women have no say in whether to accept a marriage proposal or not, either because they already always want to get married or simply because their opinion doesn't count 3. marriage is so important that you should get married to anyone that's even mildly cool or nice. 4. being in a relationship is superior to not being in a relationship.
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On April 19 2013 23:54 Grumbels wrote:
The internet is so silly always with the "marry her!" stuff, based on one positive incident. I'm not that good at deciphering these things, but it must be based on some weird sexist beliefs where 1. marriage is the goal of a relationship 2. women have no say in whether to accept a marriage proposal or not, either because they already always want to get married or simply because their opinion doesn't count 3. marriage is so important that you should get married to anyone that's even mildly cool or nice. 4. being in a relationship is superior to not being in a relationship.
5: People on internet telling jokes.
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I can't believe somebody would take that joke seriously. Sigh
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On April 19 2013 23:55 Magic_Mike wrote:Show nested quote +On April 19 2013 23:54 Grumbels wrote:
The internet is so silly always with the "marry her!" stuff, based on one positive incident. I'm not that good at deciphering these things, but it must be based on some weird sexist beliefs where 1. marriage is the goal of a relationship 2. women have no say in whether to accept a marriage proposal or not, either because they already always want to get married or simply because their opinion doesn't count 3. marriage is so important that you should get married to anyone that's even mildly cool or nice. 4. being in a relationship is superior to not being in a relationship. 5: People on internet telling jokes.
This is slightly hard to explain, but I'll try. If you ask people why they eat meat, despite the bad effects on the environment, the negative health effects, the suffering of animals etc. they tend to not have a real answer because they haven't always given it any serious consideration. I think the proper answer would be to say that it might not be ideal, but that nobody has the power to always make the 'correct' decisions in everything, one rather has to choose the areas in which one could try to make a difference. However, there will also be people that will give some ridiculous reason such as eating meat being traditional. There will also be people that will try to justify their habits by 'ironically' referring to the second group; they might create this parody of being a manly meat eater and god creating cows for our benefit. [just using this as an example, the claims might be off]
This doesn't matter, those people are still perpetuating the system and by referencing those types of thought, even if by doing it 'ironically', they are reinforcing it. (see this video, which makes a similar point) By repeating the internet joke of 'marry her', you are reinforcing certain attitudes towards marriage, it doesn't matter that you are joking.
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I think you're reading way too much into this, Grumbels, it's not like saying "marry this woman" is being disrespectful to women in general. Those "go in the kitchen and make me a sandwich" jokes on the other hand...
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Haha, dude, you need to chill the fuck out.
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On April 20 2013 00:14 ZenithM wrote:
I think you're reading way too much into this, Grumbels, it's not like saying "marry this woman" is being disrespectful to women in general. Those "go in the kitchen and make me a sandwich" jokes on the other hand...
I don't know. It's lazy humor and I cringe every time I read something like that. It's one of the reasons I don't like to discuss any of the women in my life on the internet, because it draws out all the various weird things people say about women. "go to the kitchen" is more malicious (at the same time it's also more overt and therefore less dangerous), but it's honestly the same type of joke as the one I disliked, because it's still based on sexist ideas.
Anyways, sorry for the derail. :o
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There's absolutely no sexism in "marry her". It simply means "oh my god, she likes things we also like alot, she is probably one hell of a match". You should seriously listen to yourself, because you're being ridiculous. If you honestly think it's wrong to be more attracted to a girl because you share passions, there's something wrong with you.
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On April 19 2013 23:54 Grumbels wrote:
The internet is so silly always with the "marry her!" stuff, based on one positive incident. I'm not that good at deciphering these things, but it must be based on some weird sexist beliefs where 1. marriage is the goal of a relationship 2. women have no say in whether to accept a marriage proposal or not, either because they already always want to get married or simply because their opinion doesn't count 3. marriage is so important that you should get married to anyone that's even mildly cool or nice. 4. being in a relationship is superior to not being in a relationship.
You're projecting your own beliefs on this. The real logic goes like this:
1. Marriage is a really dangerous deal for men, so men should find a high-quality woman to marry.
2. High-quality women are in low supply these days.
3. Therefore, if a woman exhibits signs of being high quality, you should marry her because odds are you won't find anyone better.
But I agree with you, marriage should not be the point of a relationship (and preferably avoided entirely, at least from a legal perspective), nor is it important.
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Northern Ireland26074 Posts
On April 19 2013 23:45 MysteryMeat1 wrote:Show nested quote +On April 18 2013 16:16 Wombat_NI wrote:
I don't envy some of you single fellows at all. The whole dating/seeking thing really fucks with your head and turns the most badass and interesting of fellows into neurotic boring wrecks.
Granted you probably don't envy me either, as I have a mini-Wombat due anytime now! Contratz wombat, if your baby is half as cool as you, consider it a success. + Show Spoiler +I have a feeling he will be even cooler. However some parents make the mistake of buying their kids a mechanical keyboard before they can handle it. I gotz a hug yesterday! As well as being invited over next week to play mario kart 64!
Brown cherry switches are better for infants right?
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On April 20 2013 01:38 Wombat_NI wrote:Show nested quote +On April 19 2013 23:45 MysteryMeat1 wrote:On April 18 2013 16:16 Wombat_NI wrote:
I don't envy some of you single fellows at all. The whole dating/seeking thing really fucks with your head and turns the most badass and interesting of fellows into neurotic boring wrecks.
Granted you probably don't envy me either, as I have a mini-Wombat due anytime now! Contratz wombat, if your baby is half as cool as you, consider it a success. + Show Spoiler +I have a feeling he will be even cooler. However some parents make the mistake of buying their kids a mechanical keyboard before they can handle it. I gotz a hug yesterday! As well as being invited over next week to play mario kart 64! Brown cherry switches are better for infants right?
Don't forget that if you do even one thing wrong your child will grow up to resent humanity and become a super villain and it will be your fault.
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On April 20 2013 01:38 Wombat_NI wrote:Show nested quote +On April 19 2013 23:45 MysteryMeat1 wrote:On April 18 2013 16:16 Wombat_NI wrote:
I don't envy some of you single fellows at all. The whole dating/seeking thing really fucks with your head and turns the most badass and interesting of fellows into neurotic boring wrecks.
Granted you probably don't envy me either, as I have a mini-Wombat due anytime now! Contratz wombat, if your baby is half as cool as you, consider it a success. + Show Spoiler +I have a feeling he will be even cooler. However some parents make the mistake of buying their kids a mechanical keyboard before they can handle it. I gotz a hug yesterday! As well as being invited over next week to play mario kart 64! Brown cherry switches are better for infants right?
Yes, the reduced noise doesnt hurt their ears while still building up the necessary finger strength to have over 300 apm.
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Northern Ireland26074 Posts
Sweet, it's a new experience for me so I can only thank the fine guys of Team Liquid for such nuanced and niche parenting advice
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I've never had too much contact with the female part of our race. In Elemantry/Middle/High school I mostly hanged out with guy friends, I have only brothers, in college right now I have basically 0 contact with girls since engineering lol
and this shows. It shows in my speech and body language, I have no idea how to talk/interact with girls, and they pick it up, since I telegraph it with everything I do, which further distances me from being with girls which yada yada yada fuck this perpetual cycle bullshit.
Looking for advices, or just some fellow sympethy. I'm not that good looking (I guess slightly below averege would fit the description) and god knows I'm not photogenic, but that's not the issue. How do I get out of this shit
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EPT
