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Amusing Canadian Court Judgment

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Brett
Profile Blog Joined October 2002
Australia3820 Posts
January 19 2011 01:14 GMT
#1
Not sure how interesting people will find this, but there's a hilarious judgment from the Family Court in Canada. In short, the ex husband and wife invovled in this case are so unreasonable that the Judge resorts to ridiculing them in this judgment as a last ditch attempt to point out, essentially, just how retarded they are acting.

It's quite amusing, particularly from an Aussie lawyer's perpsective because our Courts wouldnt dare to be so direct and provocative in the use of their language.

Judgment is found here:

http://www.canlii.org/en/on/onsc/doc/2010/2010onsc6568/2010onsc6568.html


Can anyone from Canada shine some light on the reaction to this (if there was any) ? I'm quite sure it would have made the headlines over here if it was an Australian decision.
Zooper31
Profile Joined May 2009
United States5710 Posts
January 19 2011 01:23 GMT
#2
Some kind of summary would be helpful. Tried reading to find out what was so stupid and I couldn't find anything. Maybe that was because I didn't understand 100% what was being said in a court document with all its titles, categories, sub-categories and etc. Anyway gave up trying to figure it out about 2-3pages down.
Asato ma sad gamaya, tamaso ma jyotir gamaya, mrtyor mamrtam gamaya
Kojak21
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
Canada1104 Posts
January 19 2011 01:29 GMT
#3
our court system here is fucking stupid, thats about it
¯\_(☺)_/¯
Jerubaal
Profile Blog Joined June 2010
United States7684 Posts
January 19 2011 01:29 GMT
#4
I think the overall humorous nature of his prose is funny, rather than its actual bearing on the case.

After repeated threats by the wife's family to 'send the Hell's Angels after him', the judge noted 'as you can see, Catherine is a one-dimensional problem solver'.
I'm not stupid, a marauder just shot my brain.
Brett
Profile Blog Joined October 2002
Australia3820 Posts
January 19 2011 01:37 GMT
#5
On January 19 2011 10:23 Zooper31 wrote:
Some kind of summary would be helpful. Tried reading to find out what was so stupid and I couldn't find anything. Maybe that was because I didn't understand 100% what was being said in a court document with all its titles, categories, sub-categories and etc. Anyway gave up trying to figure it out about 2-3pages down.

I did give you a summary...

There is nothing technical about two people acting like immature imbeciles following the breakdown of a relationship . You just have to read the crap that they did and the snide remarks of the Judge. If you don't find it amusing, then so be it!
Manifesto7
Profile Blog Joined November 2002
Osaka27139 Posts
January 19 2011 01:40 GMT
#6
We also recently had a judge declare someone innocent, but also added that he was still an "asshole". To add to the stereotype of Canada, he was a hockey player.

"If he was charged with being a colossal asshole, I would find him guilty," said Douglas, chief judge of the provincial court.

"Of assault causing bodily harm, I find him not guilty."


Story Here.
ModeratorGodfather
Impervious
Profile Blog Joined March 2009
Canada4198 Posts
January 19 2011 01:40 GMT
#7
My reaction?

LOL.

I want more judges to be like this. Obviously not for more serious cases, but for something as fucking dumb as this, they really do deserve to be ridiculed. I'm glad the judge had the balls to do it.
~ \(ˌ)im-ˈpər-vē-əs\ : not capable of being damaged or harmed.
Manifesto7
Profile Blog Joined November 2002
Osaka27139 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-01-19 01:44:04
January 19 2011 01:42 GMT
#8
The judgement in the OP is pretty funny though. To start the introduction:

I INTRODUCTION

[1] Paging Dr. Freud. Paging Dr. Freud.

This is yet another case that reveals the ineffectiveness of Family Court in a bitter custody/access dispute, where the parties require therapeutic intervention rather than legal attention. Here, a husband and wife have been marinating in a mutual hatred so intense as to surely amount to a personality disorder requiring treatment.


Wow, the whole thing is really good haha. I wish all judgments read like this.
ModeratorGodfather
Brett
Profile Blog Joined October 2002
Australia3820 Posts
January 19 2011 01:44 GMT
#9
On January 19 2011 10:40 Manifesto7 wrote:
We also recently had a judge declare someone innocent, but also added that he was still an "asshole". To add to the stereotype of Canada, he was a hockey player.

Show nested quote +
"If he was charged with being a colossal asshole, I would find him guilty," said Douglas, chief judge of the provincial court.

"Of assault causing bodily harm, I find him not guilty."


Story Here.

Hahahahaha. Hilarious.
duk3
Profile Joined September 2010
United States807 Posts
January 19 2011 01:48 GMT
#10
The last part is what you want to read:
+ Show Spoiler +

(q) final conclusion on spousal support

[210] While Larry’s access-conduct has largely reflected nothing more than inept parenting, Catherine’s parental-alienation behaviour has been evil. Is there a remedy?

[211] Dollars cannot replace the father-daughter relationship that Catherine has destroyed. However, in the circumstances of this case, justice has only a Hobson’s choice. Catherine’s alienation of Taylor and Larry must be condemned and, an effective method of expressing that condemnation, is by way of a reduction in spousal support.

[212] Accordingly, the spousal support to which Catherine would otherwise be entitled shall be reduced to one dollar monthly.

IV RESULT

[213] Despite the involvement of Niagara Family and Children’s Services, Ms. Katz, Mr. Leduc and the court, the parties repeatedly have shown that they are immune to reason. Consequently, in my decision, I have tried ridicule as a last resort.

[214] I point out for the benefit of the parties that, these proceedings being an effort to vary their separation agreement, those provisions that I have not changed remain binding upon them and any future breach may have legal consequences. In other words, my decision does not replace the entire separation agreement. The matrimonial responsibilities and obligations of the parties are now encompassed by the separation agreement and by the orders that I now make:

1. The Application by Larry is dismissed.

2. The Claim by Respondent of Catherine is allowed in part.

3. The separation agreement is varied as follows:

(a) The words “Notwithstanding the fact that the parties have joint custody,” in paragraph 7.2 of the separation agreement, shall be deleted.

(b) The contents of paragraph 8 of the separation agreement (access) shall be deleted. In their place, access by Larry to Brandon shall be as set out in paragraph [125] above. The separation agreement, therefore, shall be silent as to access to Taylor.

(c) The contents of paragraph 13.1 of the separation agreement (child support) shall be deleted and replaced with the following:

(i) Based on an income of $53,000 in 2008, Larry shall pay Guidelines table child support for 2008 in the sum of $798 monthly for the two children, payable on the first of each month commencing January 1, 2008;

(ii) Based on an income of $57,690 in 2009, Larry shall pay Guidelines table child support for 2009 in the sum of $866 monthly for the two children, payable on the first of each month commencing January 1, 2009;

(iii) Based on an income of $81,000 in 2010, Larry shall pay Guidelines table child support in the sum of $1,171 monthly for the two children, payable on the first of each month commencing January 1, 2010 until otherwise ordered.

(d) The contents of paragraph 6 (spousal support) are deleted and replaced by a provision by which Larry shall pay spousal support to Catherine in the sum of one dollar on the first of each month, commencing on January 1, 2010 and ending on June 1, 2012.

(4) Arrears of Guidelines table child support are fixed at $19,920 as of September of 2010.

(5) All other claims in the Claim by Respondent (but for costs) are dismissed.

[215] As for costs, I have not heard submissions on that issue. My strong preliminary view is that success in these proceedings has been mixed such that the parties should bear their own costs. However, not having heard argument on the matter, I do not feel that I am entitled to order no costs. If either party wishes to seek costs they should obtain a date from the trial co-ordinator for that purpose. If neither does so within 60 days of the date of these Reasons, the final order on costs shall be as I have indicated.

[216] A word must be said about the children’s lawyer, Mr. Leduc. I am indebted to him for his effective questioning of the witnesses and wise and helpful submissions. I expect that this was a trying experience for him. Throughout his year-long involvement in the case, he was contacted on numerous occasions by the parties and by the children. While generally siding with Larry’s position, Mr. Leduc, nonetheless, conducted himself in a fair-minded manner, impartial to the parties, always alert to the best interests of the children and in the highest traditions of the Office of the Children’s Lawyer.

Along with the notes:
+ Show Spoiler +

Their mother, according to Sam, “is not in the picture” and has abandoned the children.

[2] At one point in the trial, I asked Catherine: “If you could push a button and make Larry disappear from the face of the earth, would you push it?” Her I-just-won-a-lottery smile implied the answer that I expected.

[3] I am prepared to certify a class action for the return of all wedding gifts.

[4] It is likely that, in the period 2004-2006, Larry was having one or more extramarital affairs. Interestingly, Larry’s father was married five times, in addition to going through several relationships. Perhaps there is an infidelity gene.

[5] The home in which Larry and Sandra live is jointly owned by the two of them. Larry did not reveal this fact in his financial statement filed in these proceedings.

[6] This is always a telltale sign that a husband and wife are drifting apart.

[7] The courtroom energy level in a custody/access dispute spikes quickly when there is evidence that one of the parents has a Hells Angels branch in her family tree. Certainly, my posture improved. Catherine’s niece is engaged to a member of the Hells Angels. I take judicial notice of the fact that the Hells Angels Motorcycle Club is a criminal organization (and of the fact that the niece has made a poor choice).

[8] When one considers that the parties then had been separated for a mere four months and that Larry was exercising access, this is a remarkable request. What does it tell us about Catherine?

[9] Donna is a devotee of the literary device known as, “repetition for emphasis.” I do not know whether Donna is the niece who is engaged to the Hells Angels member. If she is, they may be more compatible than I initially surmised.

[10] Pursuant to s. 35(2) of the Family Law Act, R.S.O. 1990, Chapter F.3, once a separation agreement is filed with the court, a provision for support may be enforced and varied as if it were an order of the court.

[11] It turned out to be lower by only a few hundred dollars.

[12] I accept the testimony of Catherine that this date is a typographical error. It should have read “June 1, 2007,” as this is the date that Larry commenced his child support payments.

[13] This also is an error. Larry was not unemployed. He was working for “a temp service” between his employment with two waste management companies.

[14] Assuming a sale for $199,000 and disposition costs at 6%, the net equity would be $24,000 of which Larry would have been entitled to $12,000. I accept the evidence of Catherine that it was in consideration of this fact that the separation agreement, although silent on the point, provided for spousal support of only one dollar for up to three years.

[15] On September 12, 2008, in the course of a case conference, a consent order was made by which Catherine was to have her employment pension valued.

[16] Although Larry was the applicant in the Application, he is shown in the title of proceedings as respondent because the first title used (being the one from Catherine’s change motion, where she is the applicant) is repeated ever-after.

[17] Again, because the title of proceedings is that of the change motion, Catherine is shown as the applicant but, in truth, she is the responding party in Larry’s Application.

[18] I am aware that, under the Family Law Rules, Application, Answer – Claim by Respondent and Reply do not begin with capital letters. However, I prefer otherwise.

[19] In fact, they were represented by lawyers through 12 court attendances over two years (according to the endorsement section of the continuing record), during the babysitting phase of the proceedings and before the heavy lifting began. This case should have been identified by the lawyers in the beginning as one that was impossible to settle and pushed quickly to trial, without the endless toing and froing present in typical cases. The legal fees for the 12 attendances would have been better spent on the trial.

[20] A further testament to the hopelessness of the custody/access situation is that the parties and their common-law spouses are unable to jointly attend Brandon’s ball-hockey games without erupting into mutual conflict. This is very stressful for Brandon.

[21] A finger is worth a thousand words and, therefore, is particularly useful should one have a vocabulary of less than a thousand words.

[22] When the operator of a motor vehicle yells “jackass” at a pedestrian, the jackassedness of the former has been proved, but, at that point, it is only an allegation as against the latter.

[23] In recent years, the evidence in family trials typically includes reams of text messages between the parties, helpfully laying bare their true characters. Assessing credibility is not nearly as difficult as it was before the use of e-mails and text messages became prolific. Parties are not shy about splattering their spleens throughout cyberspace.

[24] These do not strike me as the statements of someone who is concerned about precipitating a Hells Angels house call.

[25] I confess that I sometimes permit a lengthier hiatus than the schedule of the court might otherwise dictate, in order to afford the parties an opportunity to reflect on the trial experience, come to their senses and resolve their difficulties like mature adults. It is touching how a trial judge can retain his naivety even after 15 years on the bench.

[26] The New Shorter Oxford English Dictionary defines “dickhead” as “a stupid person.” That would not have been my first guess.

[27] And all of these prohibitions by Catherine are taking place with a trial date already inscribed on her kitchen calendar.

[28] I am uncertain whether this would be considered a hand-held communication device, now illegal while operating a motor vehicle, under recent amendments to the Highway Traffic Act.

[29] It takes a special level of audacity to utter threats under the roof of the Court House.

[30] I gather that this is Larry’s version of the Big Bang Theory.

[31] Section 51 of the Family Law Act defines “domestic contract” to include a separation agreement.

[32] The pension arises from Catherine’s seven years of employment as a health-care aid at a nursing home (1996-2003). The employment she commenced in 2003 with the District School Board of Niagara does not provide pension benefits.

[33] I do not know why courts find it necessary to alter the meaning of words. One would think that if the legislators had intended “shocking” they would have used “shocking.”

[34] And, despite this knowledge, Catherine has actively sought to create conflict between Taylor and Larry.

[35] On June 12, 2009, a temporary order was made requiring Larry to pay monthly child support of $563 based on his representation that he would earn $38,000 in 2009. He never explained why he was off by 34%.

[36] One might question the purpose of obligating warring spouses to discuss s. 7 expenses before they are incurred. The answer is that the separation agreement makes it a requirement to do so. I will not engage in the speculative exercise of determining what Larry’s response would have been, or reasonably should have been, had he been consulted in advance (under the separation agreement, to be an eligible special or extraordinary expense, it was unnecessary for Larry to agree with the expense – consultation, not consent, was required).



[37] “Should” has been interpreted to mean “must.”

[38] Although some authorities appear to distinguish need and self-sufficiency, I view them as synonymous. If one has need, one is not self-sufficient; if one is self-sufficient, one is not in need.

[39] Bracklow v. Bracklow 1999 CanLII 715 (S.C.C.), (1999), 44 R.F.L. (4th) 1 (S.C.C.) at 16.

[40] Bracklow, supra, at 21.

[41] Bracklow, supra, at 22.

[42] Why conservative? As I have already pointed out, Catherine quit full-time employment (with pension benefits) before separation and replaced it with part-time work (and did so for reasons unassociated with her role or duties in the marriage). She has not taken steps or even made inquiries about improving her position in the job market and she is living common law in a brief but stable relationship with a man earning an income comparable to that of Larry.

[43] For the sake of interest, I point out that the range of monthly spousal support under the SSAGs is $0-$0 if Larry’s annual income were to be $64,000, $0-$174 if $68,000, $0-$273 for $70,000 and $0(low)-$146(mid)-$477(high) at $74,000, with the income for Catherine being as found in her sworn financial statement.

[44] Although the commencement date for the calculation of spousal support is October 1, 2006, and the 5.5 years should be measured from that date, for convenience, I have used January 1, 2007 as the first payment date. Therefore, the six months of the remnant year would begin on January 1, 2012.

[45] And “shocking,” as I pointed out in an earlier footnote.

[46] In Morey v. Morey (1978), 8 R.F.L. (2d) 31 (Ont. Prov. Ct.), the court, dealing with s. 18(6) of the Family Law Reform Act (which is worded identically to s. 33(10) of the Family Law Act), outlined a number of guiding principles. Those same principles were relied on in B.(S.) v. B.(L.) reflex, (1999), 2 R.F.L. (5th) 32 (Ont. Sup. Ct.). However, in my respectful view, these principles do not materially add to an understanding or application of s. 33(10).

[47] I point out that I am not concerned with “parental alienation” as a psychological or a psychiatric term. My reference to parental alienation is merely factual and reflects the ordinary dictionary meaning of the words: “parental” – “of, pertaining to, or in the nature of a parent”; “alienation” – “the act of estranging or state of estrangement in feeling or affection”: see The New Shorter Oxford English Dictionary.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
Glaven
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
Canada554 Posts
January 19 2011 01:49 GMT
#11
"Despite the involvement of Niagara Family and Children’s Services, Ms. Katz, Mr. Leduc and the court, the parties repeatedly have shown that they are immune to reason. Consequently, in my decision, I have tried ridicule as a last resort."


Haha that's great. Sadly enough, I'm not sure if all the ridicule in the world can stop idiots from being idiots.
Special Tactics
Impervious
Profile Blog Joined March 2009
Canada4198 Posts
January 19 2011 01:51 GMT
#12
There's so much gold in that judgement.

[91] Larry explained in his evidence that his comments to Taylor were anaemic attempts at humour. They were not intended to be hurtful. I accept his evidence. Mr. Leduc correctly characterized Larry as a passive man who was not adept at responding to situations involving his post-separation daughter. It is to be remembered that, following separation, Larry was confronted with an angry, hurt, confused and rebellious daughter who had been receiving advanced animosity-tutoring from Catherine. This would be a difficult situation for even the most talented and perceptive of fathers to overcome. Given Larry’s near-empty parenting toolbox, it is not surprising that he handled the matter awkwardly. Had Catherine fulfilled her dual parental duty to foster and encourage access between Larry and Taylor and not to speak disparagingly of him in the presence of Taylor, I am confident that this case would have unfolded differently.


[137] I urged the parties to obtain some form of counselling during the hiatus. They did. Normally that would be good news; but here it is not. Larry had several parenting/counselling sessions. Yet, in his closing argument, he still thought that it was appropriate to ask that the children be separated for custodial purposes. And Catherine, well, she sent the “dickhead” text message after having had three counselling sessions. In the witness box, after the hiatus, Catherine testified that she now realizes her text message was inappropriate. A brief recap is in order: Catherine rejected the advice and recommendations of Niagara Family and Children’s Services, Ms. Katz and Mr. Leduc; she ignored my several protestations during the pre-hiatus part of the trial during which I was critical of how the parties spoke of each other in the presence of the children; she disregarded my order that she and Larry were not to denigrate each other in the presence of the children during the hiatus; and, she participated in three court-recommended counselling sessions. After all of that she, nevertheless, sent the text message. Now, in the witness box, she purports to be bathed in the light of repentance and reason. I think not.


The closing remarks are great as well.
~ \(ˌ)im-ˈpər-vē-əs\ : not capable of being damaged or harmed.
VoiceOfDecember
Profile Joined December 2010
Australia206 Posts
January 19 2011 01:53 GMT
#13
TL;DR

Short version please. I need a quick lol before I go into my meeting savo. Also fuck yea Australia

User was temp banned for this post.
If I keep making drones and expanding while fending off their attacks, I'm sure to win...right?
Gonff
Profile Joined May 2010
United States686 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-01-19 01:58:14
January 19 2011 01:55 GMT
#14
Oh my god this is absolutely fantastic. I don't think I would make it through school if every assigned case opinion was this ridiculous. I would just laugh instead of brief.

To fully appreciate how frustrated and discouraged the judge is, and how hilarious this opinion is, you have to read the footnotes (little blue hyper links). Just keep the case open in one window side-by-side with a window displaying the footnotes, read them together, and enjoy.

Some of my favorites (footnotes in spoilers):

[18] Larry gave evidence that, less than one month later, Catherine, “Tried to run me over with her van.”
+ Show Spoiler +
[6] This is always a telltale sign that a husband and wife are drifting apart.

[71] Larry, who regularly drives by the residence of Sam and Catherine, “often shoots the finger”[21] at Sam.
+ Show Spoiler +
[21] A finger is worth a thousand words and, therefore, is particularly useful should one have a vocabulary of less than a thousand words.

[79] Taylor was having an access visit with Larry when she received a text message from Catherine that read: “Is dickhead[26] there?"
+ Show Spoiler +
[26] The New Shorter Oxford English Dictionary defines “dickhead” as “a stupid person.” That would not have been my first guess.
BlackJack
Profile Blog Joined June 2003
United States10366 Posts
January 19 2011 02:02 GMT
#15
The funniest Canadian ruling is the one where a guy had a paternity test and found out his ex-wife's children weren't his but the judge ruled that he had to pay child support anyway.. lol

http://www.nationalpost.com/news/story.html?id=1152816
humansherdog
Profile Joined April 2010
Canada85 Posts
January 19 2011 02:06 GMT
#16
i'm in law school and i ain't reading that.

User was warned for this post
Impervious
Profile Blog Joined March 2009
Canada4198 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-01-19 02:07:49
January 19 2011 02:07 GMT
#17
On January 19 2011 11:02 BlackJack wrote:
The funniest Canadian ruling is the one where a guy had a paternity test and found out his ex-wife's children weren't his but the judge ruled that he had to pay child support anyway.. lol

http://www.nationalpost.com/news/story.html?id=1152816

That kinda sickens me..... I don't find that funny at all.....
~ \(ˌ)im-ˈpər-vē-əs\ : not capable of being damaged or harmed.
Box.N.Straw
Profile Joined July 2010
Canada55 Posts
January 19 2011 02:12 GMT
#18
That was a really good read...didn't know our judges were allowed to say stuff like that. lol

I kinda felt like siding with Larry while reading it but...this was just funny/terrible

(a) Larry

[71] Larry, who regularly drives by the residence of Sam and Catherine, “often shoots the finger”[21] at Sam and, on about three occasions, has yelled: “Jackass, loser.”[22]

[72] In 2007, Larry created a false Facebook account in the name of Catherine on which he posted derogatory comments that appeared as if they had been authored by her. (Facebook is a popular website where one registers and posts personal information.)

[73] On August 14, 2007, Larry sent three text messages[23] to Catherine within a space of four minutes, saying: “The game is just starting. Prepare yourself for a long winding road”; “Busted! Always look in your rear view mirror”; and, “Blood isn’t always thicker than water.” Two days later he texted: “Loser! Home-wrecker!”[24]

Laugh, and the world laughs with you; Weep, and you weep alone.
Grobyc
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Canada18410 Posts
January 19 2011 02:16 GMT
#19
as long as they still call fair judgments i'm pleased they add in some humour every now and then haha
If you watch Godzilla backwards it's about a benevolent lizard who helps rebuild a city and then moonwalks into the ocean.
PanN
Profile Blog Joined December 2008
United States2828 Posts
January 19 2011 02:19 GMT
#20
On January 19 2011 11:02 BlackJack wrote:
The funniest Canadian ruling is the one where a guy had a paternity test and found out his ex-wife's children weren't his but the judge ruled that he had to pay child support anyway.. lol

http://www.nationalpost.com/news/story.html?id=1152816


I don't see how thats remotely funny or comical in anyway imaginable.
We have multiple brackets generated in advance. Relax . (Kennigit) I just simply do not understand how it can be the time to play can be 22nd at 9:30 pm PST / midnight the 23rd at the same time. (GGzerg)
lowercase
Profile Joined September 2010
Canada1047 Posts
January 19 2011 02:25 GMT
#21
It's beautifully tongue-in-cheek. What a great judge.

3. Catherine’s genteel family tree

[15] Some family trees have more barren branches than others.
That is not dead which can eternal lie...
JBright
Profile Joined September 2010
Vancouver14381 Posts
January 19 2011 02:25 GMT
#22
On January 19 2011 11:19 PanN wrote:
Show nested quote +
On January 19 2011 11:02 BlackJack wrote:
The funniest Canadian ruling is the one where a guy had a paternity test and found out his ex-wife's children weren't his but the judge ruled that he had to pay child support anyway.. lol

http://www.nationalpost.com/news/story.html?id=1152816


I don't see how thats remotely funny or comical in anyway imaginable.


I think he means it's funny in a sad kind of way...
ModeratorThe good and the wise lead quiet lives. Neo's #1 Frenemy and nightmare.
acker
Profile Joined September 2010
United States2958 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-01-19 02:28:36
January 19 2011 02:27 GMT
#23
It's funny the same way Catch-22s are funny; in a sardonic, dark, and incredibly cynical way. Also depressing.

The OP was hilarious in the cynical and sardonic way. Less dark. Except maybe for the family in question.
Sanctimonius
Profile Joined October 2010
United Kingdom861 Posts
January 19 2011 02:30 GMT
#24
This is awesome - it starts with 'Paging Dr. Freud'. If only more judges showed this kind of judgement and humour in their work maybe there would be fewer frivolous lawsuits. If the judge is prepared to laugh crap out of court then people would think twice
You live the life you choose.
emperorchampion
Profile Blog Joined December 2008
Canada9496 Posts
January 19 2011 02:34 GMT
#25
This judge deserves a fucking medal LOL!
TRUEESPORTS || your days as a respected member of team liquid are over
StarStruck
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
25339 Posts
January 19 2011 02:42 GMT
#26
So much comedy gold. I wonder if the judge ever thought about being a stand-up. Thanks for the chuckle!
GhoSt[shield]
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
Canada2131 Posts
January 19 2011 03:03 GMT
#27
Hilarious! ^^ This is one messed up family feud.
Here is what I have got through so far.

Larry and Catherine were married for 11 years.
They have 2 children: a daughter named Taylor (13yrs) and a son named Brandon (11yrs)

Larry and Sam were friends at the same waste management company.

Larry and Catherine are now separated, Taylor and Brandon continue to live with their mother in the matrimonial home.
Catherine is now living as a common law spouse with Sam, Larry's former friend and co-worker in the matrimonial home of Larry and Catherine.

Larry and lives with Sandra in a common law relationship with her 3 children.

Larry and Catherine hate each other.
Larry and Sam hate each other.

The Judge's words on their hatred:
"The source of the difficulties is hatred: a hardened, harmful, high-octane hatred.
[2] Larry and Catherine hate each other, as do Larry and Sam. This hatred has raged unabated since the date of separation. Consequently, the likelihood of an amicable resolution is laughable (hatred devours reason); and, a satisfactory legal solution is impossible (hatred has no legal remedy)."


Catherine's family has been repeatedly extorting Larry for money by use of verbal threats of bodily harm by Hell's angels accompany demands for money. Catherine's family is described in the the judge's own words as:
"3. Catherine’s genteel family tree

[15] Some family trees have more barren branches than others."


Regarding Catherine's efforts to turn Larry's children against their father:

"[50] During these enforced access visits, Taylor repeatedly said to Larry: “You’re not my father. Sam’s my father. You’re a loser.” These are comments that Taylor would have parroted from Catherine, I have no doubt. They are the result of persistent, behind-the-scenes brainwashing by Catherine."

This is an amazing read. I'm not yet done, but I'll edit more in later as I finish.
For all you Canadians like me out there, this happened in St. Catherine, Ontario. North America's Obesity capital :D


tree.hugger
Profile Blog Joined May 2009
Philadelphia, PA10406 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-01-19 03:32:27
January 19 2011 03:32 GMT
#28
"[22] When the operator of a motor vehicle yells “jackass” at a pedestrian, the jackassedness of the former has been proved, but, at that point, it is only an allegation as against the latter."

I'm posting this up somewhere.
ModeratorEffOrt, Snow, GuMiho, and Team Liquid
ZeromuS
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
Canada13389 Posts
January 19 2011 03:40 GMT
#29
This is pretty funny thank you for posting. In Canada, the judges say pretty much whatever they want and the more ridiculous the situation the better theit comments end up being. I was sitting in court watching a trial and the judge burst out laughing at one point and had to excuse himself to calm down. Upon return he pointed out the irony of the situation and dismissed the charges for which the defendant plead not guilty.

Basically, a guy was on trial for possession of drugs and assault causing bodily harm. The defendant plead guilty to marijuana possession and plead not guilty th the assault - though they did not contest that the guy was involved in an assault. Turns out the Baseball bat and knife had the defendants blood on it and not the man whom he was supposed to have been attacked. Furthermore the guy who was assaulted said that he was dealing drugs and that he dealt drugs out of his coffee shop to make money.

The judge laughed came back and then charged the shop owner with assault instead XD. He called him a dumbass and apologised to the defendant for the ineptitude of the prosecution. Also the judge called up the crown prosecutor and told him to bring good cases forward and not to bring bullshit charges into court lol
StrategyRTS forever | @ZeromuS_plays | www.twitch.tv/Zeromus_
Chef
Profile Blog Joined August 2005
10810 Posts
January 19 2011 03:44 GMT
#30
Wow, sucks to be Larry.

Judges have a very dry sense of humour and sometimes get laughs from the spectators. Obviously they will have sensitivity to cases of murder or rape, but with petty disputes it's more or less free reign. Sometimes judges are allowed to get pretty creative with their rulings too, if I recall correctly. I think it helps the system be less utilitarian and more human oriented.
LEGEND!! LEGEND!!
Fasterfood
Profile Joined October 2010
Canada166 Posts
January 19 2011 03:52 GMT
#31
On January 19 2011 11:02 BlackJack wrote:
The funniest Canadian ruling is the one where a guy had a paternity test and found out his ex-wife's children weren't his but the judge ruled that he had to pay child support anyway.. lol

http://www.nationalpost.com/news/story.html?id=1152816


You make it sound like these kids didn't see the guy as their father.

"Cornelio knew at the time of separation that his wife had an extramarital affair with someone named Tony, who may have fathered the twins -- but he sought joint custody regardless. He only began pursuing the issue after Ms. Cornelio began seeking increased child-support payments"

The guy wasn't trapped into anything. He wanted to raise the kids as his own until they got too expensive. Absolutely he should continue to pay, despite having a bad wife. Think of the children.
duk3
Profile Joined September 2010
United States807 Posts
January 19 2011 04:01 GMT
#32
At least Larry got a pretty good ruling, $31 in child support per year isn't bad
But the whole situation is screwed up in general
[3] I am prepared to certify a class action for the return of all wedding gifts.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
b3h47pte
Profile Blog Joined May 2007
United States1317 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-01-19 04:17:55
January 19 2011 04:03 GMT
#33
On January 19 2011 13:01 duk3 wrote:
At least Larry got a pretty good ruling, $31 in child support per year isn't bad
But the whole situation is screwed up in general
Show nested quote +
[3] I am prepared to certify a class action for the return of all wedding gifts.


Looool. I hit the "3" expecting some weird reference thing like wikipedia but then i saw that and i just ROFLd. Great judge.

Omg. This stuff is pure gold. Highly suggested for everyone to read.

[6] This is always a telltale sign that a husband and wife are drifting apart.
[7] The courtroom energy level in a custody/access dispute spikes quickly when there is evidence that one of the parents has a Hells Angels branch in her family tree. Certainly, my posture improved. Catherine’s niece is engaged to a member of the Hells Angels. I take judicial notice of the fact that the Hells Angels Motorcycle Club is a criminal organization (and of the fact that the niece has made a poor choice).
[8] When one considers that the parties then had been separated for a mere four months and that Larry was exercising access, this is a remarkable request. What does it tell us about Catherine?
[9] Donna is a devotee of the literary device known as, “repetition for emphasis.” I do not know whether Donna is the niece who is engaged to the Hells Angels member. If she is, they may be more compatible than I initially surmised.


I can't stop reading this. lol

[26] The New Shorter Oxford English Dictionary defines “dickhead” as “a stupid person.” That would not have been my first guess.
Inside.Out
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
Canada569 Posts
January 19 2011 04:05 GMT
#34
ya i dont get it really, maybe you should try posting it on a lawyer's forum site

User was warned for this post
BloodyC0bbler
Profile Blog Joined September 2004
Canada7875 Posts
January 19 2011 04:07 GMT
#35
This has been going around recently in the Canadian legal community. I heard about it a month ago from a buddy of mine doing his filing hours at a law firm and has said everyone thinks this is hilarious. I honestly hope this continues as well, the cases are insanely dumb and it adds a level of humour to our otherwise crowded court rooms with many pointless cases.
#3 Member of the Chill Fanclub / Rhaegar fought nobly. Rhaegar fought valiantly. Rhaegar fought honorably. And Rhaeger died. --Ser Jorah Mormont TL MAFIA FORUM http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/index.php?show_part=31 go go !
tarpman
Profile Joined February 2009
Canada718 Posts
January 19 2011 04:10 GMT
#36
That was a worthwhile read. Thanks for posting. The footnotes in particular are solid gold.

Possibly my favourite part:
[21] A finger is worth a thousand words and, therefore, is particularly useful should one have a vocabulary of less than a thousand words.
Saving the world, one kilobyte at a time.
Brett
Profile Blog Joined October 2002
Australia3820 Posts
January 19 2011 04:21 GMT
#37
On January 19 2011 13:05 EcstatiC wrote:
ya i dont get it really, maybe you should try posting it on a lawyer's forum site

Yes, because humour is restricted to the realm of the law...



In any event, it would seem this Judge has made a bit of a name for himself with such judgments...

http://www.canlii.org/en/on/onsc/doc/2010/2010onsc2446/2010onsc2446.html


Again, read the judgment and footnotes together.. lol
sikyon
Profile Joined June 2010
Canada1045 Posts
January 19 2011 04:31 GMT
#38
On January 19 2011 12:52 Fasterfood wrote:
Show nested quote +
On January 19 2011 11:02 BlackJack wrote:
The funniest Canadian ruling is the one where a guy had a paternity test and found out his ex-wife's children weren't his but the judge ruled that he had to pay child support anyway.. lol

http://www.nationalpost.com/news/story.html?id=1152816


You make it sound like these kids didn't see the guy as their father.

"Cornelio knew at the time of separation that his wife had an extramarital affair with someone named Tony, who may have fathered the twins -- but he sought joint custody regardless. He only began pursuing the issue after Ms. Cornelio began seeking increased child-support payments"

The guy wasn't trapped into anything. He wanted to raise the kids as his own until they got too expensive. Absolutely he should continue to pay, despite having a bad wife. Think of the children.


Exactly. Biological bonds are not the only bonds that create family.
StayPhrosty
Profile Joined August 2009
Canada406 Posts
January 19 2011 04:37 GMT
#39
haven't seen anything in the news, but this is damn hilarious. fuk yea canada XD (also election soon, yay! i hate conservatives)
To be is to do-Socrates To do is to be-Sartre Do Be Do Be Do-Sinatra
Kamais_Ookin
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
Canada4218 Posts
January 19 2011 04:39 GMT
#40
On January 19 2011 12:40 ZeromuS wrote:
This is pretty funny thank you for posting. In Canada, the judges say pretty much whatever they want and the more ridiculous the situation the better theit comments end up being. I was sitting in court watching a trial and the judge burst out laughing at one point and had to excuse himself to calm down. Upon return he pointed out the irony of the situation and dismissed the charges for which the defendant plead not guilty.

Basically, a guy was on trial for possession of drugs and assault causing bodily harm. The defendant plead guilty to marijuana possession and plead not guilty th the assault - though they did not contest that the guy was involved in an assault. Turns out the Baseball bat and knife had the defendants blood on it and not the man whom he was supposed to have been attacked. Furthermore the guy who was assaulted said that he was dealing drugs and that he dealt drugs out of his coffee shop to make money.

The judge laughed came back and then charged the shop owner with assault instead XD. He called him a dumbass and apologised to the defendant for the ineptitude of the prosecution. Also the judge called up the crown prosecutor and told him to bring good cases forward and not to bring bullshit charges into court lol
Lol, that's hilarious and he's got a good point.
I <3 Plexa.
SOB_Maj_Brian
Profile Blog Joined September 2008
United States522 Posts
January 19 2011 04:40 GMT
#41
Amazing read, and great judge. I worked for a U.S. District Court judge for a summer and judges are often stuck with really unsympathetic parties and cases (along with unsympathetic lawyers). One of the best part was the award for spousal support, (the judge had a lot of discretion based on the Canadian Statute) and held:

[211] Dollars cannot replace the father-daughter relationship that Catherine has destroyed. However, in the circumstances of this case, justice has only a Hobson’s choice. Catherine’s alienation of Taylor and Larry must be condemned and, an effective method of expressing that condemnation, is by way of a reduction in spousal support.

[212] Accordingly, the spousal support to which Catherine would otherwise be entitled shall be reduced to one dollar monthly.

That's right, spousal support is 1 dollar a month b/c of her actions!
Node
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
United States2159 Posts
January 19 2011 04:42 GMT
#42
The New Shorter Oxford English Dictionary defines “dickhead” as “a stupid person.” That would not have been my first guess.


I lol'd, long and hard. I'm glad that not everything in the courtroom has to be taken incredibly seriously, especially when people can be so petty, stubborn, and downright idiotic. I say this coming from parents that undertook a particularly acidic divorce when I was in third grade (that never got any better). Would've been nice to see them ridiculed by a judge on occasion.
whole lies with a half smile
BlackJack
Profile Blog Joined June 2003
United States10366 Posts
January 19 2011 04:46 GMT
#43
On January 19 2011 13:31 sikyon wrote:
Show nested quote +
On January 19 2011 12:52 Fasterfood wrote:
On January 19 2011 11:02 BlackJack wrote:
The funniest Canadian ruling is the one where a guy had a paternity test and found out his ex-wife's children weren't his but the judge ruled that he had to pay child support anyway.. lol

http://www.nationalpost.com/news/story.html?id=1152816


You make it sound like these kids didn't see the guy as their father.

"Cornelio knew at the time of separation that his wife had an extramarital affair with someone named Tony, who may have fathered the twins -- but he sought joint custody regardless. He only began pursuing the issue after Ms. Cornelio began seeking increased child-support payments"

The guy wasn't trapped into anything. He wanted to raise the kids as his own until they got too expensive. Absolutely he should continue to pay, despite having a bad wife. Think of the children.


Exactly. Biological bonds are not the only bonds that create family.


Evidently it's court orders that create families.
uglymoose89
Profile Blog Joined November 2008
United States671 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-01-19 05:33:14
January 19 2011 05:31 GMT
#44
On January 19 2011 13:46 BlackJack wrote:
Show nested quote +
On January 19 2011 13:31 sikyon wrote:
On January 19 2011 12:52 Fasterfood wrote:
On January 19 2011 11:02 BlackJack wrote:
The funniest Canadian ruling is the one where a guy had a paternity test and found out his ex-wife's children weren't his but the judge ruled that he had to pay child support anyway.. lol

http://www.nationalpost.com/news/story.html?id=1152816


You make it sound like these kids didn't see the guy as their father.

"Cornelio knew at the time of separation that his wife had an extramarital affair with someone named Tony, who may have fathered the twins -- but he sought joint custody regardless. He only began pursuing the issue after Ms. Cornelio began seeking increased child-support payments"

The guy wasn't trapped into anything. He wanted to raise the kids as his own until they got too expensive. Absolutely he should continue to pay, despite having a bad wife. Think of the children.


Exactly. Biological bonds are not the only bonds that create family.


Evidently it's court orders that create families.


Hahah that made me laugh. And this part made me smile. Considering the children were going under so much stress it's good to have someone looking out for their best interest:

[216] A word must be said about the children’s lawyer, Mr. Leduc. I am indebted to him for his effective questioning of the witnesses and wise and helpful submissions. I expect that this was a trying experience for him. Throughout his year-long involvement in the case, he was contacted on numerous occasions by the parties and by the children. While generally siding with Larry’s position, Mr. Leduc, nonetheless, conducted himself in a fair-minded manner, impartial to the parties, always alert to the best interests of the children and in the highest traditions of the Office of the Children’s Lawyer.
Logrus
Profile Joined September 2010
United States228 Posts
January 19 2011 05:56 GMT
#45
Oh god

While funny, humor is in its most simple form an emotional coping mechanism for pain. We laugh because otherwise we would cry, but they are still similar.

With that said, reading through the whole thing, I felt really horrible for the poor judge who obviously was very upset by the level of disgusting evil in these peoples behavior toward not only each other but their own children. What an incredibly upsetting case. No wonder he had to put in so many jokes.

so, while everyone else quotes their favorite funny parts, my favorite part was this bit at the end:
[216] A word must be said about the children’s lawyer, Mr. Leduc. I am indebted to him for his effective questioning of the witnesses and wise and helpful submissions. I expect that this was a trying experience for him. Throughout his year-long involvement in the case, he was contacted on numerous occasions by the parties and by the children. While generally siding with Larry’s position, Mr. Leduc, nonetheless, conducted himself in a fair-minded manner, impartial to the parties, always alert to the best interests of the children and in the highest traditions of the Office of the Children’s Lawyer.
"Down, down into the pile, into the great slag heap, window onto the ends of time and space, where nothing is to be seen at the end, I went, between walls forever afire, never burnt down..." -Merlin, Prince of Chaos
bubO
Profile Joined August 2010
United States367 Posts
January 19 2011 06:04 GMT
#46
i seroiulsy had a good laugh at this xD
Protoss...
stalking.d00m
Profile Joined December 2010
213 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-01-19 06:56:40
January 19 2011 06:26 GMT
#47
I come now to the issue of spousal support, historically the roulette of family law (blindfolds, darts and Ouija boards being optional).]


@Brett Thanks for this wonderful post it was an hilarious read. Never thought a judgement can be so much fun!

PS: Read the footnotes too. They provide some 'valuable insight' e.g.
At one point in the trial, I asked Catherine: “If you could push a button and make Larry disappear from the face of the earth, would you push it?” Her I-just-won-a-lottery smile implied the answer that I expected.
and
The courtroom energy level in a custody/access dispute spikes quickly when there is evidence that one of the parents has a Hells Angels branch in her family tree. Certainly, my posture improved. Catherine’s niece is engaged to a member of the Hells Angels. I take judicial notice of the fact that the Hells Angels Motorcycle Club is a criminal organization (and of the fact that the niece has made a poor choice).
<3 to all fellow gamers.
Hynda
Profile Blog Joined June 2010
Sweden2226 Posts
January 19 2011 07:35 GMT
#48
I found this really depressing tbh. While the Larry guy seems to be a bit of a bastard, you don't turn your children on their father for no other reason than that you don't like him. It might be because I've seen it happen first hand and it's not a pretty sight.

This is supposed to be sort of the middleground and Catherine comes of as the biggest bitch on the planet. I wonder how bad she is in Larrys story, if you add bias to this the idiot-meter would probably explode.
Draconizard
Profile Joined October 2008
628 Posts
January 20 2011 01:23 GMT
#49
On January 19 2011 16:35 Hynda wrote:
I found this really depressing tbh. While the Larry guy seems to be a bit of a bastard, you don't turn your children on their father for no other reason than that you don't like him. It might be because I've seen it happen first hand and it's not a pretty sight.

This is supposed to be sort of the middleground and Catherine comes of as the biggest bitch on the planet. I wonder how bad she is in Larrys story, if you add bias to this the idiot-meter would probably explode.


The case described him as an asshole and an inept parent, but his list of detractions was pretty short in comparison to that of Catherine (and her supporters). Yeah, he drove by and yelled obscenities at them, but they kind of did the same thing to him. He also didn't have a criminal gang with which to threaten her or try and brainwash his son against her.

On January 19 2011 13:21 Brett wrote:
Show nested quote +
On January 19 2011 13:05 EcstatiC wrote:
ya i dont get it really, maybe you should try posting it on a lawyer's forum site

Yes, because humour is restricted to the realm of the law...



In any event, it would seem this Judge has made a bit of a name for himself with such judgments...

http://www.canlii.org/en/on/onsc/doc/2010/2010onsc2446/2010onsc2446.html


Again, read the judgment and footnotes together.. lol


I must say that this case is even more humorous than then one listed in the OP, especially the notes.

"Indeed, by the end of the trial, if Singh were to have testified that the world was round, I immediately would have sought membership in the Flat Earth Society."
IrGameStomp
Profile Joined July 2010
United States22 Posts
January 20 2011 01:58 GMT
#50
I take back most of the bad things I have ever said about Canada. That was the most entertaining thing I have read in a long time.

It is somewhat unfortunate that people can exercise such duschbaggery. At least we know much of the legal system is filled with intelligent people.

I random because I'm indecisive
ToasteR_
Profile Joined December 2010
Canada551 Posts
January 20 2011 02:19 GMT
#51
That was possibly one of the best things i have ever read. If I ever happen to meet that judge I will buy that man a steak dinner.
101TFP
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
420 Posts
January 20 2011 13:12 GMT
#52
This is really funny and extremely inappropriate at the same time.

I currently study law in germany, something like that would be absolutely impossible here.
The fact that a judge can rule so solely based on subjective grounds, is so shocking that it becomes hilarious to me.
People get what they get, this has nothing to do with what they deserve.
GeneticToss
Profile Joined December 2010
Canada188 Posts
January 20 2011 13:32 GMT
#53
[90] On another occasion in July of 2009, Larry said to Taylor: “You put shit in this hand and shit in this hand, smack it together, what do you get? Taylor.”[30]

That made me lol hard
nFo on KGS
nalgene
Profile Joined October 2010
Canada2153 Posts
January 20 2011 13:54 GMT
#54
On January 19 2011 13:21 Brett wrote:
Show nested quote +
On January 19 2011 13:05 EcstatiC wrote:
ya i dont get it really, maybe you should try posting it on a lawyer's forum site

Yes, because humour is restricted to the realm of the law...



In any event, it would seem this Judge has made a bit of a name for himself with such judgments...

http://www.canlii.org/en/on/onsc/doc/2010/2010onsc2446/2010onsc2446.html


Again, read the judgment and footnotes together.. lol

Did they ever charge that Indian with massive usury for the 10 years? That money could've been used for naked shorting and various other investments...
Year 2500 Greater Israel ( Bahrain, Cyprus, Egypt, Iran, Iraq, Jordan, Kuwait, Lebanon, Oman, Gaza Strip, West Bank, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Syria, Turkey, United Arab Emirates, Yemen )
emythrel
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
United Kingdom2599 Posts
January 20 2011 13:57 GMT
#55
reading the judgement is funny and deprressing for me.

I split with my ex 5 years ago and she won't allow me to see my son, I thought about taking her to court but a friend had already been through the process many times with his ex, who periodically (and still to this day) decides she won't let him see his daughter. He then takes her to court again and the judge gives her a talking to, then they repeat the whole thing a few months later.

I didn't want to do that because the hatred felt on both sides with myself and my ex was at the time extreme. I no longer feel the same hate, but I haven't had to deal with her in 5 years, I have no doubts that 5 minutes in a room with her would reignite the hatred, as taking my son away from me literally ruined my life for a long time.

If we went to court the judge would probably have similar scathing remarks for us lol. So instead I have decided to wait until my son can choose to see me, as all children will at some point want to meet their real parent, in the mean time I have a lovely gf and her son to take care of.
When there is nothing left to lose but your dignity, it is already gone.
Sm3agol
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
United States2055 Posts
January 20 2011 14:16 GMT
#56
On January 20 2011 22:32 GeneticToss wrote:
[90] On another occasion in July of 2009, Larry said to Taylor: “You put shit in this hand and shit in this hand, smack it together, what do you get? Taylor.”[30]

That made me lol hard

Did you read the note attached to that? LOL.

[30] I gather that this is Larry’s version of the Big Bang Theory.
Achilles
Profile Joined August 2010
Canada385 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-01-20 14:25:31
January 20 2011 14:21 GMT
#57
You don't have to mind your language in Canada as much. Simple answer. We assume most people have thick enough skin to deal with the truth. I'd have to say I attribute the same attitude to the English as well. No punches pulled. Always excruciatingly blunt and honest no matter whose neck they crush under their boot. Good on them, good on the judge. A1 for the big bang theory joke.
[rS]Gluske // http://www.rsgaming.com // Troku[tC]
Dagobert
Profile Blog Joined July 2009
Netherlands1858 Posts
January 20 2011 14:46 GMT
#58
From what I gather, Catherine should never have had any children at all. What an evil bitch. Sure, from the evidence Larry makes some apalling moves (Taylor - shit) but Cathy here is downright committing psychological child abuse.

The ruling itself is a pretty awesome read - thanks for posting!
eu.exodus
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
South Africa1186 Posts
January 20 2011 14:46 GMT
#59
On January 19 2011 11:02 BlackJack wrote:
The funniest Canadian ruling is the one where a guy had a paternity test and found out his ex-wife's children weren't his but the judge ruled that he had to pay child support anyway.. lol

http://www.nationalpost.com/news/story.html?id=1152816


that shits just fucked up. Being forced to pay some of your hard earned money to a bitch that obviously cheated on you throughout the whole marriage, for kids that arent even yours?

Not funny.

But on topic. I love how he only has to pay a dollar to her personally every month. You dont hear that very often. Glad a guy caught a break for a change.

Love that judge.
6 poll is a good skill toi have
Seam
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
United States1093 Posts
January 20 2011 14:47 GMT
#60
As funny as this is, this gives me a headache to think about the 3 people involved x_X
I only needed one probe to take down idra. I had to upgrade to a zealot for strelok. - Liquid`Tyler
AltaiR_
Profile Blog Joined February 2007
Korea (South)922 Posts
January 20 2011 15:18 GMT
#61
(c) The contents of paragraph 13.1 of the separation agreement (child support) shall be deleted and replaced with the following:

(i) Based on an income of $53,000 in 2008, Larry shall pay Guidelines table child support for 2008 in the sum of $798 monthly for the two children, payable on the first of each month commencing January 1, 2008;

(ii) Based on an income of $57,690 in 2009, Larry shall pay Guidelines table child support for 2009 in the sum of $866 monthly for the two children, payable on the first of each month commencing January 1, 2009;

(iii) Based on an income of $81,000 in 2010, Larry shall pay Guidelines table child support in the sum of $1,171 monthly for the two children, payable on the first of each month commencing January 1, 2010 until otherwise ordered.

I was reading calmly until that part. Jesus fucking christ this judge is preposterous.
Translator
Gnial
Profile Blog Joined July 2010
Canada907 Posts
January 20 2011 18:33 GMT
#62
This case came out quite a while ago and there was a good globe and mail article which summed up a lot of the better quotes. (You may want to put it in the OP!)

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/national/in-family-court-a-judge-turns-to-ridicule-to-defuse-the-rage/article1841568/

Some of my favorite quotes are:

Judge Quinn said that Larry, 38, possesses “a near-empty parenting tool box,” and was fond of venting his anger by sending Catherine insulting text messages and giving her ‘the finger’ as he drove by her home. “A finger is worth a thousand words and therefore, is particularly useful should one have a vocabulary of less than a thousand words,” Judge Quinn added.

‎"He said that...Catherine once tried to run over Larry with a van. “This is always a telltale sign that a husband and wife are drifting apart.”

“On Oct. 18, 2007, a nautical theme was added,” he remarked. “According to Larry, ‘Catherine’s sister-in-law yelled out her window that I was going to be floating in the canal dead.’"
1, eh? 2, eh? 3, eh?
Deleted User 3420
Profile Blog Joined May 2003
24492 Posts
January 20 2011 18:36 GMT
#63
On January 19 2011 13:31 sikyon wrote:
Show nested quote +
On January 19 2011 12:52 Fasterfood wrote:
On January 19 2011 11:02 BlackJack wrote:
The funniest Canadian ruling is the one where a guy had a paternity test and found out his ex-wife's children weren't his but the judge ruled that he had to pay child support anyway.. lol

http://www.nationalpost.com/news/story.html?id=1152816


You make it sound like these kids didn't see the guy as their father.

"Cornelio knew at the time of separation that his wife had an extramarital affair with someone named Tony, who may have fathered the twins -- but he sought joint custody regardless. He only began pursuing the issue after Ms. Cornelio began seeking increased child-support payments"

The guy wasn't trapped into anything. He wanted to raise the kids as his own until they got too expensive. Absolutely he should continue to pay, despite having a bad wife. Think of the children.


Exactly. Biological bonds are not the only bonds that create family.


but they're the ones that create child support
Raelcun
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
United States3747 Posts
January 20 2011 18:48 GMT
#64
At all the idiots who keep getting warned/banned for saying they're not going to read it just read through the thread where people are conveniently posting the funny bits. Seems pretty hilarious wish we had judges like that around here.
oN_Silva
Profile Joined October 2009
197 Posts
January 20 2011 18:48 GMT
#65
my father is lawyer (german) and thus I know it's everyone's Lawyers wish to make like a really cool "judgement saying" to be printed on the famous magazine with it and your name. It's a way to earn fame for lawyers because the most important law magazine prints it^
furymonkey
Profile Joined December 2008
New Zealand1587 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-01-20 19:51:33
January 20 2011 19:48 GMT
#66
I finished reading the notes and the referenced sections. However I found lack of evidences that Larry is bad as people make out to be, it seems to me that Catherine is the totally evil one here, maybe I missed.

I meant sending insult texts and pointing fingers isn't as bad as threatening to kill and brain washing children is it?

Can someone fill in the light for me? That would be great!
Leenock the Punisher
sikyon
Profile Joined June 2010
Canada1045 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-01-20 23:01:52
January 20 2011 23:00 GMT
#67
On January 21 2011 03:36 travis wrote:
Show nested quote +
On January 19 2011 13:31 sikyon wrote:
On January 19 2011 12:52 Fasterfood wrote:
On January 19 2011 11:02 BlackJack wrote:
The funniest Canadian ruling is the one where a guy had a paternity test and found out his ex-wife's children weren't his but the judge ruled that he had to pay child support anyway.. lol

http://www.nationalpost.com/news/story.html?id=1152816


You make it sound like these kids didn't see the guy as their father.

"Cornelio knew at the time of separation that his wife had an extramarital affair with someone named Tony, who may have fathered the twins -- but he sought joint custody regardless. He only began pursuing the issue after Ms. Cornelio began seeking increased child-support payments"

The guy wasn't trapped into anything. He wanted to raise the kids as his own until they got too expensive. Absolutely he should continue to pay, despite having a bad wife. Think of the children.


Exactly. Biological bonds are not the only bonds that create family.


but they're the ones that create child support


Says who? Clearly not the law, as the Ontario Superior Court indicates.

Also, you must pay child support on adopted children if there is a divorce.
Z3kk
Profile Blog Joined December 2009
4099 Posts
January 20 2011 23:22 GMT
#68
On January 21 2011 04:48 furymonkey wrote:
I finished reading the notes and the referenced sections. However I found lack of evidences that Larry is bad as people make out to be, it seems to me that Catherine is the totally evil one here, maybe I missed.

I meant sending insult texts and pointing fingers isn't as bad as threatening to kill and brain washing children is it?

Can someone fill in the light for me? That would be great!


From what I've gathered from the thread and the record, I think you have it about right

Mindblowingly hilarious...every footnote had me. I feel sorry that the judge had to deal with such an outrageously dimwitted individuals in this case...the child custody/support lawyer also evidently deserves some kudos though :>
Failure is not falling down over and over again. Failure is refusing to get back up.
nalgene
Profile Joined October 2010
Canada2153 Posts
January 21 2011 02:09 GMT
#69
Larry should have gotten away with no harm done to him... he's being ravished out of potential money via investments/dividends/derivatives/naked shorting/usury/stocks/day trading...

Catherine is truly evil... and the sister in law... wow... she's like giving him death threats... wtf...
Larry should be the one to get compensation for being hurt/threatened...
psychological damage to him...

He isn't even allowed to see the children either... wtf... and he's forced to pay...

The children are taught pure hatred without from an early age and they don't even know each other...

That cornelia guy shouldn't have to pay... for kids that aren't even his...
he's being shylocked...oh wow... 14000 annually to some goy...wtf...
14000 could've been used for usury...
Year 2500 Greater Israel ( Bahrain, Cyprus, Egypt, Iran, Iraq, Jordan, Kuwait, Lebanon, Oman, Gaza Strip, West Bank, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Syria, Turkey, United Arab Emirates, Yemen )
ThatGuy
Profile Blog Joined April 2008
Canada695 Posts
January 21 2011 05:35 GMT
#70
Just finished reading it, wow. That was hilarious, thanks a lot for sharing!
vetinari
Profile Joined August 2010
Australia602 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-01-21 09:23:30
January 21 2011 09:21 GMT
#71
On January 19 2011 12:52 Fasterfood wrote:
Show nested quote +
On January 19 2011 11:02 BlackJack wrote:
The funniest Canadian ruling is the one where a guy had a paternity test and found out his ex-wife's children weren't his but the judge ruled that he had to pay child support anyway.. lol

http://www.nationalpost.com/news/story.html?id=1152816


You make it sound like these kids didn't see the guy as their father.

"Cornelio knew at the time of separation that his wife had an extramarital affair with someone named Tony, who may have fathered the twins -- but he sought joint custody regardless. He only began pursuing the issue after Ms. Cornelio began seeking increased child-support payments"

The guy wasn't trapped into anything. He wanted to raise the kids as his own until they got too expensive. Absolutely he should continue to pay, despite having a bad wife. Think of the children.


Screw the children. They are not of his blood, he shouldn't have to pay a cent if he doesn't want to. If he wants to support children that he is fond of, he of course has the right to do so, just as I have the right to give donations to orphanages. But just as the orphanage doesn't have the right to pursue me for child support, neither should his wife nor the children of his wife have any right whatsoever to his money.

What she did to him was fraud. The worst kind of fraud possible. That the children were partial beneficiaries of her fraud is not an extenuating circumstance.

Here, I'll give you an analogy:
A woman with fertility trouble is having IVF treatment. Her husband is the doctor. She believes that the embryo that is implanted was made from her husbands sperm and her own egg. But in fact, the doctor (who is her husband), actually used an egg harvested from his mistress, because he decided that his mistress was better looking, and thus he could have fitter children. So he implants the embryo into his wife, she carries it to term, never realising that she is actually a surrogate. Years later, the doctor decides that his wife is no longer pretty enough. He divorces her, and lives in a de facto relationship with another woman. He gets custody of "their" daughter, and she is ordered to pay child support. Even knowing that a large portion of the child support will actually be spent buying jewellery for his new lover, she opts to pay the money anyway, as she figures she has a duty to support her daughter.

One day, she finds his dairy and reads it. She finds out the daughter she so loved wasn't even hers. She sues him, but the courts dismiss her case and order her to pay increased child support.

Would you call this just?



(I realise that the example is contrived. However, due to the differences in male and female physiology, which is to say, that women give birth, such convoluted examples are necessary.)
nalgene
Profile Joined October 2010
Canada2153 Posts
January 21 2011 12:59 GMT
#72
If he wanted to pay for children support, he'd just adopt some new kid... and not that brainwashed daughter that catherine made her to become so full of hatred...it should be his prerogative...

and the kid isn't even his...
Year 2500 Greater Israel ( Bahrain, Cyprus, Egypt, Iran, Iraq, Jordan, Kuwait, Lebanon, Oman, Gaza Strip, West Bank, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Syria, Turkey, United Arab Emirates, Yemen )
anatem
Profile Joined September 2010
Romania1369 Posts
January 21 2011 13:23 GMT
#73
haha, this judge must've felt it was the right time to bring out his literary/comedic skills :D
'Tis with our Judgements as our Watches, none / Go just alike, yet each believes his own.
Deranes
Profile Joined July 2010
Germany75 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-01-27 15:12:44
January 27 2011 15:12 GMT
#74
Great find OP!

From fotnotes:
"[2] At one point in the trial, I asked Catherine: “If you could push a button and make Larry disappear from the face of the earth, would you push it?” Her I-just-won-a-lottery smile implied the answer that I expected."
DarthXX
Profile Joined September 2010
Australia998 Posts
January 27 2011 16:40 GMT
#75
This is pure GOLD! I had no idea people in the legal profession could write something like this. Makes me feel a lot better about starting law school in a month.
Trowabarton756
Profile Blog Joined May 2008
United States870 Posts
January 27 2011 16:58 GMT
#76
Wow....if someone was extorting me...well...I can't write what I'd do because it may get used as evidence against me later ^^
http://www.teamliquid.net/video/streams/Trowabarton756
Fasterfood
Profile Joined October 2010
Canada166 Posts
January 27 2011 17:03 GMT
#77
On January 21 2011 18:21 vetinari wrote:
Show nested quote +
On January 19 2011 12:52 Fasterfood wrote:
On January 19 2011 11:02 BlackJack wrote:
The funniest Canadian ruling is the one where a guy had a paternity test and found out his ex-wife's children weren't his but the judge ruled that he had to pay child support anyway.. lol

http://www.nationalpost.com/news/story.html?id=1152816


You make it sound like these kids didn't see the guy as their father.

"Cornelio knew at the time of separation that his wife had an extramarital affair with someone named Tony, who may have fathered the twins -- but he sought joint custody regardless. He only began pursuing the issue after Ms. Cornelio began seeking increased child-support payments"

The guy wasn't trapped into anything. He wanted to raise the kids as his own until they got too expensive. Absolutely he should continue to pay, despite having a bad wife. Think of the children.


Screw the children. They are not of his blood, he shouldn't have to pay a cent if he doesn't want to. If he wants to support children that he is fond of, he of course has the right to do so, just as I have the right to give donations to orphanages. But just as the orphanage doesn't have the right to pursue me for child support, neither should his wife nor the children of his wife have any right whatsoever to his money.

What she did to him was fraud. The worst kind of fraud possible. That the children were partial beneficiaries of her fraud is not an extenuating circumstance.

Here, I'll give you an analogy:
A woman with fertility trouble is having IVF treatment. Her husband is the doctor. She believes that the embryo that is implanted was made from her husbands sperm and her own egg. But in fact, the doctor (who is her husband), actually used an egg harvested from his mistress, because he decided that his mistress was better looking, and thus he could have fitter children. So he implants the embryo into his wife, she carries it to term, never realising that she is actually a surrogate. Years later, the doctor decides that his wife is no longer pretty enough. He divorces her, and lives in a de facto relationship with another woman. He gets custody of "their" daughter, and she is ordered to pay child support. Even knowing that a large portion of the child support will actually be spent buying jewellery for his new lover, she opts to pay the money anyway, as she figures she has a duty to support her daughter.

One day, she finds his dairy and reads it. She finds out the daughter she so loved wasn't even hers. She sues him, but the courts dismiss her case and order her to pay increased child support.

Would you call this just?



(I realise that the example is contrived. However, due to the differences in male and female physiology, which is to say, that women give birth, such convoluted examples are necessary.)



I think you need to re-read the article. all the details are wrong and your analogy is whack.

1) the whole jewelry you just threw in without any backing. Children are more expensive to raise properly then the payments from child support. You threw in that comment for flavour and you shouldn't have.

2)a more accurate analogy, derived from your example would be the following:

Doctor uses his mistresses eggs on his wife. He tells his wife that he had been boning a woman on the side, and that he *might* have used the mistresses eggs. The wife is fully aware of the mistress, but chooses not to have any maternity tests. Instead the mother fights to stay in the lives of these children, knowing they probably aren't hers. She starts paying child support to help retain parental rights, and proceeds to pay for years.

Eventually the father asks for more money as costs of living rise. The mother, who knows the kids probably aren't hers, doesn't want to pay any more. She gets a maternity test knowing what the results will be. She tries to use the now official information to get out of child support. The judge sees right though it.
FetTerBender
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
Germany1393 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-01-27 17:22:12
January 27 2011 17:18 GMT
#78
Best part:

+ Show Spoiler +
Now, in the witness box, she purports to be bathed in the light of repentance and reason. I think not.


Its awesome dry humor by a judge.

DO WANT :D

Edit: One more quotation:

+ Show Spoiler +
I come now to the issue of spousal support, historically the roulette of family law (blindfolds, darts and Ouija boards being optional).
There's a fine line between bravery and stupidity.
Qatol
Profile Blog Joined November 2006
United States3165 Posts
January 27 2011 17:52 GMT
#79
One of the more humorous decisions I've read. I can't help feeling sorry for Larry though. I think he would have wound up getting money and more access to the kids in the decision if he had been represented by a lawyer.
Uff Da
SichuanPanda
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
Canada1542 Posts
January 27 2011 18:01 GMT
#80
Long story short the court system in Canada is so entirely screwed up in every way I don't even know where to begin to try and explain it to non-Canadians. Essentially the judges here feel the need to not simply pass judgement based on the law, but based on their own personal vendettas and feelings as well.
i-bonjwa
TALegion
Profile Joined October 2010
United States1187 Posts
January 27 2011 18:06 GMT
#81
This is the funniest legal document I've ever read.
A person willing to die for a cause is a hero. A person willing to kill for a cause is a madman
sikyon
Profile Joined June 2010
Canada1045 Posts
January 27 2011 18:11 GMT
#82
On January 21 2011 18:21 vetinari wrote:
Screw the children. They are not of his blood, he shouldn't have to pay a cent if he doesn't want to. If he wants to support children that he is fond of, he of course has the right to do so, just as I have the right to give donations to orphanages. But just as the orphanage doesn't have the right to pursue me for child support, neither should his wife nor the children of his wife have any right whatsoever to his money.


Again, I refer you to the situation of adoption. By becoming the legal guardian of a child, whether or not they are yours, you are TAKING RESPONSIBILITY for them. No ifs, ands, or buts. The law, and society, values children and their well being over someone's inconvenience or obligation, and rightly so.

On January 21 2011 18:21 vetinari wrote:
Here, I'll give you an analogy:
A woman with fertility trouble is having IVF treatment. Her husband is the doctor. She believes that the embryo that is implanted was made from her husbands sperm and her own egg. But in fact, the doctor (who is her husband), actually used an egg harvested from his mistress, because he decided that his mistress was better looking, and thus he could have fitter children. So he implants the embryo into his wife, she carries it to term, never realising that she is actually a surrogate. Years later, the doctor decides that his wife is no longer pretty enough. He divorces her, and lives in a de facto relationship with another woman. He gets custody of "their" daughter, and she is ordered to pay child support.


OK.

On January 21 2011 18:21 vetinari wrote:Even knowing that a large portion of the child support will actually be spent buying jewellery for his new lover, she opts to pay the money anyway, as she figures she has a duty to support her daughter.


Doesn't matter. You have a direct responsibility toward the child, and you must try to help provide for them.

On January 21 2011 18:21 vetinari wrote:
One day, she finds his dairy and reads it. She finds out the daughter she so loved wasn't even hers. She sues him, but the courts dismiss her case and order her to pay increased child support.

Would you call this just?

Yes.

These are the key concerns:

Does the adult have a (reasonable) responsibility towards the child?

Yes. Even if the child is not yours, you do. Why?

- You have acted towards the child as a parent. Therefore, the child sees you as a parental figure, regardless of whether or not you are biologically related.
- Since you have put yourself into this position, you are responsible for the child. The child depends on you, and you have fostered this dependency. You have created this responsibility by your own hand.
- It doesn't matter that this was done fraudulently. You are not committing a crime - you do not need mens rea to be liable.

However, for example, if you left after the child birth and then simply payed child support payments without acting as a parent for the child, and it was later determined that the child was not yours, you could probably get your child support payments back. You have not created a responsibility towards the child.

Child support is ALL about the child. The judge, the law and society will always hold the welfare of a child, a person who cannot fend for themselves, above the petulance that is trying to abdicate parental bonds after you have formed them. I think this is the point you don't understand, judging by your first sentiment of "screw the children". The law absolutely takes the considerations of children into their views.
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