Article: "Why Chinese mothers are superior." - Page 9

On January 09 2011 11:43 Loser777 wrote:

She's a professor at Yale comparing "western" parents to "chinese parents"-- it's about parents in the U.S. You're right that her point is batshit crazy though--and is ironically out of touch with most actual
Chinese parents.

On January 09 2011 11:47 SpiritoftheTunA wrote:
sent to that punk:

Dear Professor Chua:

Hello! I am a 2nd year physics student attending Dartmouth College and a proud son of Chinese parents. However, I believe your article describing the merits of the strict "Chinese mother" style lacks perspective of the negative effects of such parenting. I attended high school at The Harker School of San Jose, CA, a school at which the demographics are split roughly 1/3rd Chinese, 1/3rd Indian, 1/3rd White (with a few token black and hispanic kids). The school, being a highly competitive preparatory school, understandably attracts many 'involved' parents from the upper-middle class, parents with the fervent hope that their children will "succeed." However, I argue that the "Chinese" definition of success is less beneficial to a child's actual success in the American workforce than either the "White" and "Indian" definitions of success, as reflected by the pressures exerted by the respective parent groups.

From how I understand it, the Chinese parenting style is this: make sure your child gets perfect grades, make sure your child masters at least one sport (often tennis or badminton) one instrument (piano or violin, of course), and encourage a high-security well-paying job to minimize risk of "failure". From this perspective, law, medicine, engineering, and similar career tracks are optimal: solid, stable six-figure salaries (at this point, if you disagree, you may be considering your own style. However, be wary that what I describe is the average style, not yours. Individual anecdotes are much less important than the average). The 'carrot' often emphasized is security: one cannot afford nice things without a six figure salary, and all ambition, especially unprofitable artistic or altruistic ambition, should be put on the back-burner until one is secure and comfortable.

I disagree.

For this country's numerous problems to be solved, we need innovative entrepreneurs and self-sacrificing politicians, not more cogs in the medical and legal machines. Being a law professor, I'm sure you'd object to the latter phrase, since there are clearly many altruistic and forward-looking practitioners of law. However, again, Chinese parents tend to emphasize security. That means cushy corporate jobs, patent law, and wholly selfish pursuits. While in your head you may be thinking you are encouraging perfectionist parents who will produce the next generation's leaders and heroes, you are not. You are encouraging perfectionist parents who will produce soulless six-figure generating machines. As for the ambitious, less-profitable pursuits that Chinese parents often tell their children to relegate to the distant future, I will remind you that luxury breeds an appetite for more luxury, and such ambitions are often forgotten - if you worked in the corporate sector rather than academia, I'm sure you'd agree.

Furthermore, Chinese parents, as your article so enthusiastically reflects, strongly prioritize grades (and of course, standardized test scores). This implies complicity with the current education system of the United States, which I believe to be more flawed than you may realize. Standardization of curriculum through No Child Left Behind and AP courses, a chinese-mom favorite, emphasizes a rigid, unquestioning style of thought that is better suited for answering multiple choice questions than answering queries of "why is this important?" or "how do we fix this?" or "am I being taught the complete picture?" To the latter-most question, the answer is definitely "no" for AP US History, a course I'm sure your two daughters have taken (or maybe IB?). In fact, due to my experiences with the American education system, I am strongly tempted to home-school my future children, with the only deterrent being my fear of improper development of social skills.

Speaking of social skills, children of Chinese parents tend to have the worst on average. Ask any student from high school, "which kids are most awkward, the Asians, the Indians, or the Whites?" I guarantee you the answer will be Asians. Why is that? Because their time is monopolized by their parents and they lack the time to find out how the rest of society works. Why do white parents allow frequent sleepovers, socializing, and (gasp) partying? Because it allows their children to bond with other children in style most natural to American kids. You may disapprove of the partygoers and pleasure-seekers, but if your kids can't get along with them in college, then they will lack a huge part of the picture of America. And those partygoers and pleasure-seekers will constitute an undeniable chunk of the future workforce. You don't think that the frat kids all became homeless, do you?

Finally, motivation: Chinese children's motivation is rarely internal. After all, who can internalize a desire to succeed when your mother is already screaming at you to do so? The Catholic schoolgirl effect, a colloquial term for the sudden outburst of sexual activity after 18 years of sexual repression among, well, Catholic schoolgirls, manifests analogously in the Chinese population: if a Chinese parent suddenly decides "well my child achieved a 4.0 (unweighted of course), outstanding extracurriculars, and is pretty much perfect, I bet he/she will do fine in college without my help," I can guarantee you that that parent's child will not get a 4.0 in college. Nor a 3.5. Perhaps not even a 3.0. It is said that a mother's voice will always stay with a child: however, in the case of Chinese children, most resent that voice and will ignore it unless the mother is actually present (or over the phone continuing to scream). Again, if you disagree, citing personal evidence, I remind you that anecdotal evidence is worthless. What you are advocating is not a replica of your successful experience with your daughters, but a general culture of strictness and high expectations.

As for my personal experience: my Chinese parents are not Chinese parents in the way you have described. They allowed me to quit piano in 3rd grade, they were patently hands-off for my entire high school experience, and they have trusted my judgment for (most) every choice I have made (of course dispensing useful advice along the way). They know that I've partied and imbibed alcohol in college, and they're fine with it, because they trust me to be responsible. And I am glad for it, my ambitions are all my own, and I am proudly on a track to not a six figure salary, but continuing happiness.

Sincerely, and with the approval of my Chinese parents,
TUNAAAAAAAA

On January 09 2011 08:46 Krigwin wrote:
With a title as racist as that I was expecting this to be some college journalist editorial or something, not a Wall Street Journal article. What a joke.

As someone who is Chinese, I can tell you that while Chinese parents might certainly produce children that are deemed more "successful" by society's standards, it's still not worth it. The amount of neuroses caused by Chinese "parenting" is staggering and almost anyone who was raised by Asian parents can tell you all kinds of horror stories.

Chinese parenting isn't parenting, it's grooming of the child into a human trophy that can be displayed for the good of the family. Chinese parents rob their children of their childhoods and harshly cultivate them (sometimes physically if necessary) with negative reinforcement in pursuit of vicarious success.

On January 09 2011 12:04 mIniAtURe wrote:
Fixing lacking social skills is much easier than breeding intelligence. My parents are Chinese, and they've been hands-off and impersonal; however, when I look around at other college students, there are those more dedicated, hard-working, and intelligent. How am I supposed to catch up?

Studying and socializing are two skills crucial to success, and I can agree that both are necessary to live a proper life. But don't you think it's easier to practice socializing when you're in college than to practice studying all over again? Right now (as a high school "failure"), I'm trying as hard as I can to study; it takes hard work and dedication, both of which I must generate without parents breathing down my throat. Where's the motivation? I'd gladly sacrifice 15 years of childhood and "social skills" for those studying habits now, where I would have a lot more fun learning socialization rather than studying. I'm positive most human being don't have the dedication to relearn learning.

On January 09 2011 12:07 SpiritoftheTunA wrote:

white parents aren't neglectful; their approach is simply more supportive than manipulative.

neglect != hands-off approach

im pretty convinced white parents have the best balance of social life and academia. i mean it's not like they're fine with Cs and Ds either.

On January 09 2011 12:07 SpiritoftheTunA wrote:

white parents aren't neglectful; their approach is simply more supportive than manipulative.

neglect != hands-off approach

im pretty convinced white parents have the best balance of social life and academia. i mean it's not like they're fine with Cs and Ds either.

On January 09 2011 12:10 mIniAtURe wrote:


White parents let you (the child) decide what you want to do or not. Do you really believe a teenager can make a good, unbiased decision about what's better for them than the 40 year old parents who have lived through childhood? Making decisions for kids isn't the worst thing in the world, only because we live in America and believe in human rights (even for children..........).

Did I use neglect?

On January 09 2011 12:10 fearus wrote:


I think the article implies that white parents are 'more' fine with Cs and Ds.

On January 09 2011 11:23 Chairman Ray wrote:
Every paragraph I read of this article just makes me more and more pissed off. Do not think for a second that Asian parents are like this. Only about 1% of them are, and they raise terrible children. Asian parents like these are something that Asians as a whole are very ashamed of. Now this bitch comes out with her head up her ass and tells everyone that she is superior? Who the hell is she trying to impress? All she's doing is creating a bad image for Asians as a whole. I am going to email her and tell her to go kill herself, because I am PISSED OFF.

EDIT: Decided not to email her. Signed her up for gay porn instead.

On January 09 2011 12:12 SpiritoftheTunA wrote:

no but you implied it. and i still think you're underestimating how involved good white parents are, they definitely don't let their kids make every decision.

Why Chinese Mothers are Superior