EPT*the whole story would need to be a book so i'll just try to get to the point* yea right... im saying whatever i can remember..
fake char. names: my name in this will be jack and the girl will be suzi and the friends are nan, vik, austin, suji, miso, min hyuk, jada, joo hyung, khoa, sushil, tyler, dan, jayden and suzis bf(he is not a friend -_- )
suzi is a girl and shes 15 turning 16 in sept and im guy 'n im 15 turning 16 in july (im jack..)
so we're in highschool together and we dont really have any classes together but we've seen each other around and know each others name from gr 9
but during this year, i became closer to some of her friends who are nan and vik and eventually we started talking to each other and became more social and passed the stage where only a hello was exchanged when we walked by.
one day we as in me, suzi, vik, nan, suji and austin were by nans locker and we were just talking and having fun until suzi had to get to work, and since she works at a video store, and she closes up she always brought friends over and watched movies and such. so that day me and suji went to her work and we started becoming more close that way, also.. once in a while me and her would keep bumping each other on purpose for fun.. (at this point i never ever thought of her as more than a friend)
*a few days pass*
so there are some of us, all talking and stuff and yadi yada, i found out that, suzi barely likes her bf as in, she cant think of why she likes him and all her friends keep telling her to break up with him.. except min hyuk who is her like best friend, he dosent say anything.. and also she had alot going in her life.. that only min hyuk knew, her best friend..
*more days pass..*
after being at her work a few times already, it was fun, and than one day, i went to her work by myself becaase no one else wanted/was able to go. so when suzi and i got to her work we just watched movies and had like a fun time... oh btw she works from 5-10 mon-thur and 5-11 on fri.
this was a fri.. and while we were joking around and stuff and bumping around more, and watching movies, i looked at her and looked at myself, and relized i was sitting down on the only chair that was in the register area so i kept telling her to sit because she was standing for quite a while but she kept saying nono, you sit... and eventually, she started sitting on my lap and started holding and caressing my hand..
now, shes korean so, i know its part of their culture that they can cuddle without it meaning anything. so i didnt take it seriously and cuddled back with her and also did the casual poke in the ribs and such. eventually she kept saying she was hungry and like any other friend, i wanted to buy her something and she kept saying no but again, like any friend, i insisted and she took my hand and led my to the chinese food store beside her shop and we order some chicken fried rice with eggroll and 2 pops, which was combo #5 =]]... lol.
and lets see... that was $7.75
leaving me with $2.25 (yes that is important for this story and no, im not a jew..)
okay so we started eating and watching movies and like, those bastards didnt give us much chicken peices so i started giving like fake, funny sad faces so she started feeding me and i was thinking in my head.. that i saw korean guys feed each other in a music video so i thought this was culturally normal as well and didnt think anything of it.
after we were done eating, there was one thing we always joked about, the adult section, i would always walk by it and she'd kept yelling out pervert, which i certainly am not!
oh anyways, so it was 11 and we started walking to the bus stop and i was holding on to her bag and when we got onto the bus, we sat together and she started resting her head on my shoulder and i did too, once again, i knew we were both sorta tired so i didnt think anything of it except we were just tired. and like we talked about each other, like what we liked and stuff... and each others friend and so on..
and i dont know if it was the cheap chicken but that bus ride seemed to take longer than normal, although it made like no stops and only 4 other people were on the bus.. and since the lights were dim blue and it was night and the air felt cool, it actually felt good..
so when we got to the bus station to get on another bus to get to her place, we had missed it and had to wait for another 10 minutes so we went inside and started talking about how we met each other and how it was so sudden.. and one thing she said stayed in my mind from that night until now..... she started talking about how she once tried to be my friend in gr.9 but i ignored her, she said " i remember, i tried to ask you when your birthday was and you just looked away, and i was like fine!" and i responded by saying, no i didnt... than laughed because that sounded like me=]
and i responded by saying, "well, you shoved me away once when i tried to become your friend" and she was like oh yea? when, how and she was like cmon, let me see how creative you are and i couldnt come up with anything so she was like.. thats what i thought.. "you dont think about me"
and that one line stayed in my head.., i dont know why, but... it just did.
and so i saw this other korean guy walking around in the bus stop, annd i dont know how to judge korean guys so i told her, check out the stud and she laughed her ass off and said eww, hes ugly while looking right at him..
its as if she didnt care, but it was funny, lol..
and she said to me, "i actually thought you were cute when i 1st saw you.."
and i was like "thought?", so what am i... ugly now? fine.. and turned away" and she was like, i didnt mean it that way... and she just turned away and so i poked her ribs again =]]
than i went down to the vending and bought a pack of gummies with my $2.25, leaving me with $1.25 now..
and so we got back up to the upper terminal and got onto our final bus home and i gave her the gummies and she started feeding me those too and she gave me some shitty yellow one so i spat that sit out, and forced her to give me a green one, which was quite tasty i might add..
on the bus we started playing around and stuff and when we were around 3 stops before her building, i noticed there was only 1 gummie left and she was going for it and i asked for it but she just shoved it between her lips... and so im like, aww... but she motioned me to get it from her..
so i leaned in... and pecked her for a peice of the gummy...
and ... i dont know if that counts as a kiss because i still didnt consider us more than friends but i did consider that somewhat special because i never kissed a girl before..
anyways, lol... we were 2 stops before her building and she was holding my arm and learning into my chest and my head was on hers and so we got off.. and we started walking up to the entrance and when we were up at her 14th floor, in the hallway, we hugged and i kissed her forehead... and we said goodbye again and hugged again at her doo and i started to get on the elevator but she chased me into it and told me she wanted to walked me down..
when we got down, another hug... and i left..
we looked and smiled as i left.. at this time it was around 12 something
*couple of minutes pass as im walking home..*
as i walked home, i was feeling as if i was on the top of the world.. i still never thought of us being more than friends but i did start to feel warmer to her. and like, i always heard stories from my friends about how they were like unctrollably happy when they met their gfs and stuff and i thought it was bs, because, its just meeting some girl, you can hold your feelings in but the feeling came to me and i couldnt belive it.. lol
but i still didnt take it seriously because it was probally just that 1st kiss that was making me happy.. if that counts as a kiss anyways..
*next day*
at lunch, i was at suzis locker with miso, jada and we were just talking and stuff and suzi was like acting all weird, like nothing the way she acted last night and she was like ignoring me.. which made me kinda sad because i was feeling left out so eventually i just got up and left and its like she didnt care which me me more confused espeically because of last night but that just made it clear to me that, hugging and kissing and snuggling and such is just part of korean culture but anyways after school, there we were, at nans
locker... me, nan, vik, suzi, austin, suji and some other people and suzi was more joyful now and we started talking and so me, suji and austin went to her work again and at her work and at her work we were just talking around and stuff..
and sometimes suzi would walk around to check out the store and suji and austin kept saing, oh you like her and stuff... you know the way friends tease you over a girl... and in my mind i just kept thinking, nah.. i dont think of us anymore than friendd but those guys kept talking more and more about it..
and when suzi came back she started snuggling up with me and stuff and that didnt help my case about us not liking each other..
and so, i dont know why, but i just got pissed off at those guys saying shit so i ignored all of them the whole day.. and didn walk suzi home and just left and when i got home i started talking to my friend vik on msn and talking about that day and he understood that they were pissing me off and such..
but than i told him about last night.. and he was surprised that i didnt like her but at least he didnt pressure me to admit it, i asked him how to tell the difference between liking a girl and having a crush on her because.. the syptoms are all the same, (i.e. there always on your mind, you wanna talk to them etc..) but .. he told me to sleep on it and to think about it..
*the next day*
throughout the whole day, i kept questioning myself if i liked suzi or not.. and eventually i just thought of an answer... no..
after i told vik, he told austin and suji to just drop the whole me liking suzi case, which helped alot because.. its just better that way..
but i soon found out that austin like suzi.. which was weird.. but okay, and than suji told everyone that he has a gf, which everyone belived.. but sometimes i get this weird feeling that he dosent and that he likes suzi.. and i thought to myself... omfg, im jealous.. but i just dropped that idea before anything bad happened..
so from than one, i didnt know what to think.. except, why dont i just tell her that i like .. because i couldnt hold it in anymore, like all this thinking and confusion and such.. was too much
*the next day*
i cant really remember the beginning of the day but i remember that suzi, suji and me were on the bus going to her work again. once we were there, the day was quite boring and quiet. well suji and suzi were having a good time but i had too much on my mind. but as soon as suji left me and suzi started doing that small snuggling here and there stuff and like all that heavy stuff lifted from in my head because, i just felt so good alone with her, i hated it when other guys were treated the same way as i was with her.
and now i cant remember much abut what happened to the rest of the day but when her work ended, i remember being sad or something..
so there we were at the bus stop around 10 at night, and when we got on the bus, she was talking on her cell alot and i guess i was like acting like a snot because i was just sitting there, not saying a word, looking out the window and when we were at the terminal we sat down and waiting for her bus and she could tell that something was on my mind so she started apoligizing for her cell talks but i said that wasnt it and just told her that i was tired but she knew that wasnt it.. and she started snuggling up with me and stuff and i guess im weak because i fell for it and snuggled back..
just before the bus came, she pointed out some girl who was short and that was a big deal for her because shes only 5'2 and she noticed that the short girl was wearing high heels too, so she mustve been really short but i explained to her that i wub her the way she is and i hate high heels..
when the bus came, we were more social now and we were talking about her trip to korea since she hasnt been there since she was like 7-8 because she moved to the phillipines in gr.2 and came to canada just 3 years ago. i asked her what she was gonna do there and she said she didnt know because she had no friends in korea because she left in gr2 but i knew there was some reason but i didnt bother to go too deep into it and i just started to like snuggle with her and started asking her to stay.. because i was thinking to myself that i can barely sleep without thinking about her, how am i suppose to go through the whole summer without her..
she just kept quiet and said she had to go and stuff like that but i kept begging her to stay and i was like, i just dont want you to go but after like 1-2 mins of this i just stopped and held her.. and i asked her if we could stop a stop before hers to like walk the rest because it was a nice night.. she said okay
when we were walking, i wanted us to go through this quiet park and when we were going through it we heard some freaky noise so we quickly turned around, lol, and went through the park another way and she pointed up towards the sky and we only saw 2 stars... which i kept thinking about as, 1 for her and 1 for me..
we sat down on a bench and she started talking about like stuff, i was barely paying attention because i was working up my confidence to tell her i liked her, which i did.. she stayed quiet and when i tried to get her to say something, she stopped me and just said, "i dont know what you want me to say.. and i dont want you to say anything either.."
i started telling her that, i had to tell her because.. i couldnt stop thinking about her and now that shes going away for the whole summer, it was killing me and before i could finish she just hugged me and we were just like that... quiet for a while..
she let me go and just started looking up into the sky and i started talking about how.. i liked her but knew that she had too much going on in her life and that... i liked things the way they were, i liked being just friends because i really did, its just, i had to tell her i liked her because, i couldnt hold it in anymore, and the only thing that made me feel sad at all was the fact that she said she felt bad.
like she felt bad because i liked her and we couldnt do anything about it but i kept saying, i didnt want anything in this because, our friendship was all i wanted. i tried to cheer her up by poking her and stuff but she had no reaction to it an just sat there and started tearing up a little.. but i tried to be happy for the both of us by telling her that she gave me what i wanted and that.. i dont want her to feel bad about this..
she got up and grabbed me with her and hugged me and just said "lets dance" as she smiled..
so there we were in the middle of a park and she was holding me and we were dancing to no music and some guy drove by and yelled out "fucking ho"..
which was funny and totally ruined the moment but, i guess that was fine, lol.. and so there we were hugging and dancing and i started singing slowly in her ear..
when we finished, i just started walking her home and we were like joking around here n there but i noticed she kept wiping her eyes so i tried to act like an idiot but making her smell shitty flowers but yea anyways, lol.. when we got to her elevator, it was silent..
than she looked at me and pushed me to one side of the elevator and she had her arms around me and she looked at me and..... she turned away and said "yea so i did that to my friend one time.." and i got it, it was a joke -_-;;, lol
so when we got up her to floor, we started hugging and talking about her and such.. and i gave her the routine kiss on the forehead and i departed for the night..
*a few days later*
so from than on, we never really talked to each other alot because one day, i was trying to say bye to her and she like totally ignored me so i just was like wtf.. and so here i was.. going crazy for like a week straight. what made me even more mad was that in a few days it would be our friends bday and it was taking place at suzis place, so i would have to see her and you guys know the rule.. when your hating someone, you ahve to avoid them at all costs but anyways..
a few days pass and the day before nans birthday (our friend), my friend suji was having some argument with some fags and like one thing led to another and so their side was pissed off at our side.
on the day of nans birthday, in school, at lunch, a bunch of us, me, suji, austin... a whole bunch of us as friends were going around looking for those arabian fags, because they acted as if they ran the school so when we found them, we were all pumped up and ready to kick some ass but you know the deal, for the 1st like 30 minutes all we did was follow them around and shit talking was exchanged but that was it until finally 1 argument led some guy from their to side to get up in my face so we started shoving and shit and both sides went crazy and my friends pulled me back and we went outside and off school property to wait for a fight but those arabs didnt show so we went back inside and some people said they were in the caf so we all went in there and more shit talking was happening but i was like fuck this and grabbed he fag who went up into my face and started throwing like punches to his face and i can barely remember anything but i remember like 5 people on me but i pulled out and saw a whole scrap going on like 30 v 30 and when i looked up to find the guy i punched, he was like all red and his face was like in the crying form and he whipped a chair at me like a pussy and before i could go over to his side of the table, a friend of mine pulled me back and told me to go change my shirt because it was ripped and to stay low so the teachers wouldnt find me...
a whole bunch more shit happened but since this is a love story, i'll just go to the end of the school day, so some pussy named my name and i was suspended for 5 days but i wasnt pissed, because at least i fucked up a shit talker and so i went over to nans locker because a whole bunch of my friends waited for me and suji since we were both in the office. and then me and suji went over to suzis to set up the surprise bday party we had planned for nan.
so there we were and suzi was trying to get me to talk to her but i kept ignoring her and thats so much easier after you've acted like a bad ass... (but dont worry, i dont think im a gangster or nothing, i just lost my cool)
after the party, i just headed home and clean up my wounds and talk to people about that fight..
*the next day*
in 1st and 2nd period, suzi was saying hi and stuff so i started talking to suzi because like, i didnt want to act like a total ass and so she was acting so much nicer and stuff... and anyways after 2nd period, i saw her bf and was thinking wtf.. so i ditched her and went downstairs to my friends and noticed alot of like people walking around and shit, because the fight was suppose to continue but like supervision was everywhere so nothing really happened
so at the end of the day, i headed to the terminal to get to suzis work and i caught her there and so we talked and i noticed how she was trying to give me all her attention.. when we got on the bus, we started talking about things that had happened since now and when we got to her work, we did the whole snuggling thing again.. i felt weird doing it because i didnt want to have the same thing happen again, like we snuggle and get close and we go apart for a week..
but i fell into it because she was just different... and like she was asking me why i was ignoring her for the last few days and stuff and i just said because you ignored me and she was like trying to explain it was because alot of people talk to her and she was trying to get to work and stuff and i guess i understood.
and so during her work i started poking her and stuff and i touched her head by accident, and i remember a few weeks before she told me she hated it when people touched her head and its true because she really did and she made a rule about no more poking because it hurt her but she took my pokes and laughed that day)
i asked her why she wasnt mad when i poked her and why she wasnt mad when i touched her head and she replied by saying.. "because i dont want you to ignore me.."
i started thinking.. maybe she does care about me... more than a friend.. but im like, we already went through this before so i tried to just keep my cool adn remain her friend.. and by doing this, things felt so much better... that there was no obligation or anything between us..
so than on, work went on as usual and than austin dropped by and he was talking about the fight that we had a few days before and at this time, austin and suzi were mad at each other because austin told her to "shut the fuck up" earlier.
so i told them to try to work it out and i just let them talk it out as i went outside.. after a few minutes i came back in and saw her yelling and shit, and im like what the fuck kind of convo is this and i was trying to shush her because i saw on austins face that none of this was helping but... in the end.. alot of hate was erased..
most of the time, i was spending alot of time with austin because i knew alot was on his mind and that he needed me more than i wanted to spend time with suzi.
as me and him talked, i found out that his parents were PISSED that he was suspended because of that fight in school... and that he wanted to spend the night elsewhere...
later on.. i went back to suzi so she wouldnt feel that i was ignoring her and so we started snuggling and hugging and such and like joking around. and that was making austin jealous, i think... so i tried to stop but once in a while, i just see an opening to poke her or whatever and so i take it and i guess that just made austin more mad..
a few hours after that, austin just walked out and said he was going home but his tone was obvious that he was mad, so i went out after a few minutes and saw him waiting for the bus... and it was cold... and so i saw him like tear up a little...
i knew there was something wrong so no point in asking whats wrong so i just told him... whatever your going through, i'm there with you and such and he was just telling me that... he couldnt take this anymore... like... the fact that his parents hate him right now.... how his friends are so... different.. he just isnt happy and the whole thing i did with suzi earlier didnt help the case..
after hearing all of this... i know what he was going through and so i just kept telling him... your trying to make too many people happy.., do you think they would do the same for you..? and like.. he has no time for himself so when he gets no attention, he feels so left out and so.... i just told him.. be yourself, you dont have enough time in your life to make everyone happy. he understood... and we walked back in and than all of us just spent most of the time talking about where he would stay for the night and such...
and so it was time for suzi to close up... so there we were at the bus stop, just waiting for the bus... and it was cold and so suzi was trying to get me to wear her little jacket but i didnt wanna since... she had nothing other than her t shirt on but she refused to take it back...
on the bus... we sat beside each other but austin chose to stand far away.. and so suzi and i just decided to leave him alone and we started talking about... anything in life, just like, her,... me... so on..
on the walk home, austin was still with us and we were still talking about what to do with him but he kept saying, i dunno...
while we were walking home, me and suzi kept joking around like... i would slap her bum with her purple lunchbag which i accused of being gay since it was purp and she slapped my ass and said that her bag isnt gay because her dad chose it.
afterwards... she asked me if i had thrown out the sandwhich she had earlier in her purp lunch bag and i did but i just lied and said no.. but she thought something was up and tried to argue with me in a joking way and she was like... if the sandwhich is in there.... than... i have to kiss you... and i was like, if it isnt in there.. than i'll have to kiss you, i was joking about it but her face looked like she was serious but once again, we saw austin all mad so we tried to pay attention to him.
when we were in her building, we waited at the lobby and had a long talk with austin and such and finally he just went home... and so it was around 12:30 am now... i started to go up the elevator with suzi and she was putting on lip gloss.., just something i noticed...
when we got up to her floor, she took a few steps and put her back to the wall and just look at me.. and to the ground.. and back up at me..
i just went up to her all close.. and i was telling her that she should goto sleep earlier... because she was always so tired and i was making her promise me that she would goto sleep and she kept saying no but eventually.. after alot of snoogling and whispering she agreed and promised me and i just looked at her eyes...
i just kept looking and i pucked out my lips and maybe just expecting a little peck as a fun kiss... and so she kissed me..
and i was like.... my 1st kiss... i was scared but happy... and so i started to move out but she kept kissing and like... this was my 1st time so i tried to just.. think what to do and just let my body do whatever... and like it was a long kiss... and... i started to feel tounge so i let mine out and i felt her pulling out so i pulled out but she kept going but than i just pulled out...
it may have been maybe just a 5 second kiss or 10 second or i dont know.. but it was good to me..
but she just put her head on my shoulder and said she shouldnt have done that in a soft voice and kept saying sorry but i kept telling her.. dont be..
and i was like... trying to make her.... cheer up more by saying that.. she always made me feel good and that i promise i would always be there for her because she needed that... and she just nodded her head... and when we got to her door.. we just hugged and i kissed her on the forehead..
as i entered the elevator she said again.. im sorry... but i just said... dont be.. and i left.
*from here on i will be skipping alot of small details.*
so a few days later we were talking on msn and i kept like semi-flirting and stuff and she went along with it but at the end of the convo i was about to leave and was like joking around and was like... wheres my kissy..
but like... a friendly goodbye kiss.. i wasnt relating it to that other night and so she went on and on about how i shouldnt be trying to make her feel "dirty" and she said that the whole thing was a accident, and shouldnt have happened and so on.. and she just left..
that night... i was really hurt... like.. for everyone who has been through this... you know... , it felt like... just... i didn want to live...
the next night.. i called her and we started talking and i was trying to apoligize to her and she was like saying that she was sorry too and so on and later on that night, i went to her work again and blah blah blah, we were in her elevator and we were going up and i saw her putting on lip gloss again... and i was actually thinking about it this time...
when we got up to her floor.. we hugged right when we got out and she was telling me how fast my heart was beating and of course it was because i had no clue what to do... did she want me to kiss her? or just a hug or i dont know..
but.. i just walked her up to her door and kissed her forehead and she kissed me on the cheek.. and we left... but the whole night i kpet thinking.. why did she put the lip gloss on... did she want me to kiss her or... i dont know..
*few days later*
i was at her place... and she seemed really tired and i was joking around her door and she just went inside and keft me at the door... i stood there for like 5 minutes waiting for her but she didnt come out.. so i was worried and went to check on her and there she was sleeping... i thought she was trying to joke around but afetr i pushed her and called her out a few times, i really did think she was sleeping but i tried to wake her up so she could lock the door but she wouldnt wake up..
eventually, i just got fed up and put my jacket on her as a blanket and i was about to leave but than she woke up and saw me and was like... how did you get in..
i was like.. telling her that she fell asleep and i was trying to wake her up to lock the door... but she just fell right back to sleep and she started grabbing her head and whining because she was hit there earlier and so i kept asking her if she had any tylenol or anything but she kpet saying no and she soon got angry at me but like.. im not gonna just sit there silent while shes hurting..
but she just got up and led me out but i came back and offered to buy her some medicine but she just started saying, im fine and ish but would any of you guys belive that? how can you go from hurting and whining 1 second and just a few seconds later your fine... so i didnt buy it but she kept saying she was fine and such..
after like 10 mins of arguing i was like.. fine, i'll leave but only if you change into proper clothing because sleeping in tight jeans aint good for you... so she changed and was about to leave but she asked for a hug so i gave her one but...
there was something that kept bothering me in the back of my mind.... did she like me..? like she never gave me a straight answer... like "no". so i asked her and she told me to get out..
i started trying to talk to her about all the things we did and that kiss and like i just wanted a straight answer from her... and she kept accusing me of trying to make her feel bad by making such hard decisions and such and she was like you know the answer and i was like than "no"... and she didnt reply and i was like okay... thats all... i wasnt mad at her for not liking me but i was mad at her for trying to accuse me of all this shit... and at the end before i was about to leave... we were both pissed at each other but i asked her... one more thing..
why did she kiss me..., she kept saying it was an accident, but i was like, its not just an acciddent.. you didnt trip and fall on me... why did you..
and she said the one thing that... made me... crazy... mad... whatever... she said "i just felt that i had to do something for you.."
its as if she was.... sorry for me? trying to repay me for the nice things i do for her? that just made me mad... so i just said "thats what i thought" and i walked out..
* 8 days later today (JUNE 4, 2004), havent talked to her since*
after alot of consulting with friends about this and such and such.. i talked to her on msn about all of this and i didnt apoligize because i had nothing to be sorry about but she just wanted to forget everything go back to normal, as did i.. but she said something like she knew that alot of bad stuff would happen from this and that the promise i made was bullshit since alot of people have done that for her.. but i went on saying like... what do you think im doing right now.?
i get heart broken but im still here trying to make it work and your saying that my promie is bullshit? and it almost turned into another fight but we both just dropped and and now.. i just wanna forget it..
even thought its supposedly worked out between us 2, i still feel really weird around her..
i guess this is where the story ends.. (i wish i could say there could be more but.. i just cant take any of this anymore... )
i talked to alot of my friends about this and.. it just seems better if.. i never knew her in the 1st place.. but, i do know her now and we'll be friends and thats all there is to it..
my love story ... is false..., or up to you to decide..
ing all the way through it.
