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On November 11 2009 10:34 hazelynut wrote:
I find it increasingly difficult to make girlfriends, especially when we have little overlaps in interests/hobbies/ways of speaking/etc (I like SC, they like online shopping). I'll say hi to plenty of girls and make chitchat (ie How was your break? What's new in life?), but there aren't any real icebreaker moments that bring us closer. What do I do?
Find girls that do share something with you. Or, if you're in it just for the sex, ask them for that.
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On November 10 2009 06:42 KurtistheTurtle wrote:
heres a sticky one that just came up:
Ah this is one sticky situation. I have found myself in a similar sticky sitation in which one of my crazy ex girlfriends dated this guy, who I started being friends with after (because he hung out with my friends). Well anyways he turned out to be an abusive psychotic who is both physically and emotionally abusive with an attempt of suicide and threats and yadda yadda. So what does she do? She stays with him, and still tries to date me. I stopped talking to her all together, because she is obviously fucked for wanting to be with the shithead.
Don't get me wrong, I tried to convince her many, many times not to be with the asshole but you just cant reason with unreasonable people.
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RE: The topic is about me and others giving advice. I'm not going to sit there and try to convince people that I am a ladies man or whatever, that would get me trolled alot worse. I would rather just share my knowledge and let my words show my experience.
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Original Message:
How come you won't answer any questions regarding why you are suited to give out this advice? Are you keyboard jockey or something?
I am seriously curious dude.
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For those who keep asking me to post my credentials about being a pickup artist or master ladiesman: I am not willing to type out stories that make me sound like I'm anything special. First of all, the people asking would just say yeah right, thus wasting my time. I do date women, I have experienced some shit with women, and I do believe I have knowledge that some may find useful in their own dating life.
I guess you can say I'm an attractive guy, but I am a bigtime nerd who once had some serious social awkwardness. I love starcraft. It frustrates me to hear about smart people who have a horrible social/dating life, when they WANT to date women and enjoy themselves. Being a nerd doesn't even hurt you, once you are comfortable you can use it to your ADVANTAGE!
On another note, I believe there is alot of great content in this topic so far. More people are stepping up and sharing their opinions and knowldge and I actually agree with alot of the advice for the most part. There also seems to be more descriptive questions, and it is also pretty cool that a guy from an attraction website came on here to check it out.
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On November 11 2009 13:51 bloopie wrote:
would you consider a girl who talks to you about other guys and schoolwork as serious friend-zone? If so, there is 0 way of salvaging the situation? like theres this girl who (i think) used to be interested and i tried to play it cool and now the situation has changed to this. any advice?
It's hard to say just seeing it on paper. Looking at the basic facts, yes, she is in the friend-zone with you. However, it could be evidence of quite the opposite - I knew one girl who would talk about her ex-boyfriend, guys she knows now, and random shit that wasn't really going anywhere BECAUSE she liked me and was scared to show it, so she talked about things that would convince me that our relationship was platonic. Just as a side note, she did that to me because I did the same to her and thus neither of us knew for sure we had feelings for each other. Lesson from that is that you have to open up to the other person and let them know how you feel at the risk of losing them, because if you hold it in forever you will never be truly happy even if you are friends. When the aforementioned girl opened up to me, it was too late, and it was very sad ):
If you think she had feelings for you in the past, it's still uncertain what the situation is currently based just on what you said. Has she given up completely and likes someone else now? Or does she still like you but is afraid to show it, knowing that you don't like her? Either way, I think the best solution is to test her - be a little more flirtatious, tease a little, and see how she responds to it. If she responds with laughter and smiles and pushes you back and stuff, she still has feelings for you. If she responds negatively to it, she is probably still harboring bad memories of how she liked you before and you didn't do anything about it.
So, to summarize, the situation you are in is a murky one and it's hard to tell what's what, especially from an outsider's perspective. You should try and judge her feelings for yourself, and test them with one of the approaches I mentioned (flirting/slow approach, or being open and direct about it). It's hard to tell you which one is the best solution for you, because I don't know you, and I don't know her, and I don't know the relationship you two have. So, think about it for a while and then do what you think is best, and know that if it doesn't work out, you've learned something new for the next girl you encounter (:
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On November 11 2009 14:13 JohannesH wrote:Show nested quote +On November 11 2009 10:34 hazelynut wrote:
I find it increasingly difficult to make girlfriends, especially when we have little overlaps in interests/hobbies/ways of speaking/etc (I like SC, they like online shopping). I'll say hi to plenty of girls and make chitchat (ie How was your break? What's new in life?), but there aren't any real icebreaker moments that bring us closer. What do I do? Find girls that do share something with you. Or, if you're in it just for the sex, ask them for that.
looooooooooooooool
guess you just have to show that you're in it for the sex then
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@fantacist:
Oops, i just went ahead and did it (without reading the thread) - I knew she liked Asian food so i was like "I am heading to this awesome Asian place for dinner this friday, care to join me?" of course not right out of the blue, we were talking before this and she comes out with some lame excuse of "oh i dont have money right now, my mum hasnt sent me any" (we are college kids), which is total BS, cos who doesnt have like 20dollars? she still sometimes laugh when i tease her, but i think its serious f-zone. FML.
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On November 12 2009 03:11 bloopie wrote:
@fantacist:
Oops, i just went ahead and did it (without reading the thread) - I knew she liked Asian food so i was like "I am heading to this awesome Asian place for dinner this friday, care to join me?" of course not right out of the blue, we were talking before this and she comes out with some lame excuse of "oh i dont have money right now, my mum hasnt sent me any" (we are college kids), which is total BS, cos who doesnt have like 20dollars? she still sometimes laugh when i tease her, but i think its serious f-zone. FML.
Well that would be the right time to actually pay for the girl... I never agree to pay for a girl who hasn't given me something in return, but that is because I was never in a situation that you are in right now. Make it official, say that you will pay for her, but make it obvious that you will do so just this once because you "want someone great to share a great dinner with" or something. If she says no, then you might as well give up. If she says yes, then win and move onwards. Good luck! And remember, if things fall through, you come out a wiser man, more prepared for other women in your future.
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First, I'd like to thank larjarse for his concise but quite to the point advice. I got to talk to her quite long today and she gave me a plethora of compliments. We get along great. Sad thing is though, I found out she's way younger than I thought (she looks young but she's mature in her mind and smart so I figured she was just a few years younger than me) so it wouldn't feel right... I have to start imagine her as a little sister instead lol.
On November 10 2009 05:44 Shauni wrote:Show nested quote +On November 10 2009 03:16 larjarse wrote:On November 10 2009 02:00 Shauni wrote:
So LarJarsE, I'm not a confident person and I become nervous around most girls, as if I am socially inept. I do not really wish to become the confident asshole-type you are often describing, because it doesn't fit with my personality and my values. I wouldn't mind becoming less nervous around females though, but it is probably because I rarely meet them. I know that the females I meet at parties and those I know from my male-friends usually see me as a bother or at best a nice guy they won't show any interest in. I don't wish to become an attraction magnet or a sexy alpha male with girls swarming around me, I just don't want to have only male friends. I'm not ugly, but the few times women actually approach me out of interest, they grow bored of my unresponsive ways and lack of conversation. How do I solve this without compromising myself too much? Shauni: This post will help you. You are asking what in a man gets a woman's attention, wether it be you out of your friends or you out of everyone on the face of the planet. Woman are attracted to men who display higher status in their social setting. If you are twiddling your thumbs with your head down wishing someone would just talk to you and accept you, that is a great way to inadvertantly tell women to stay far away. You dont have to be a dick to display higher status. To display higher status, you just really believe that you are of high status and you are not seeking acceptance from ANYONE, because you don't have to! Dont be shy to look a female in her eyes and give her a smirk. Dont laugh at things you don't think aren't funny, and don't agree with things that you dont agree for just the hell of it. If you BELIEVE that you are going to go out, be noticed, have a good time, and get the attention from the ladies, it will HAPPEN. But you must actually BELIEVE in these things without a doubt in the process. ----------------------------------- I made it a point to say this MAY sound assholish, but it is not. Those who are not confident don't understand what feels like to be confident and they are intimidated by the ideas. The fact is, its all in your head. With some change in perspective and some practice you CAN be confident and it will feel natural to talk to women you are attracted to aggressively. It doesn't help me at all. I've read this thousands of times and it still feels so empty. It's always the same thing all over again: display confidence and status bla bla toy with her a bit and show her you are in control of the situation and so on. As I said I don't want to become a pick-up artist or play the game. I just wouldn't want to change my behaviour to that direction, ever. Maybe I'm in the wrong thread, I don't know. Maybe this is a pick-up artist thread. I think fanatacist described it more accurately. I know of all these things but I still can't change the first thing, my mindset. I give up way too easily after my failures, telling myself it doesn't matter and that I don't want to socialize with women anyway. I've tried changing this, but I'm weak and stupid. Whenever I start a conversation with a new girl, the memory of my last failure is etched into my brain.
I wouldn't call myself competent enough to give love advice but what you're describing seems totally like my attitude a couple of years ago.
"I'm not ugly, but the few times women actually approach me out of interest, they grow bored of my unresponsive ways and lack of conversation."
When you meet someone new and have reason to believe you're going to meet this person again or else simply want to make a good impression most people pull out the best in themselves. They become more friendly and responsive. Most do so unconciously.
When I was younger however I didn't. I didn't want to put up an act and pretend to be someone else.
There is of course a point in that and nobody likes people who are overly friendly to everyone (because they are fake). But at the same time, if you meet someone new and they don't seem to be making an effort to try to talk to you, what would you feel/think? You'd probably think that they are either very shy or simply not interested in you as a friend or anything else. And if you see them talking to other people you would exclude the shyness possibilit and conclude that they are not interested in you.
So what are you telling the girls who try to show interest in you when you don't make a serious effort to talk to them? At least if I met a girl who didn't do that, I would conclude that she's not interested and move along.
In a club, the over-confidence display and similar things may work best. But in normal situations you don't have to act super-confident and display "higher value". At least not to just make friends. Being friendly and making an effort to get a conversation going is enough so long as the girl you're talking to is at least a bit interested in you.
The only hard part may be conversational topics. But again, if both of you are making an effort, that usually won't be a problem. And making an effort should be easy: trying to think of conversational topics and trying to pay attention to and comment on what the other person is saying. Being socially inept may be a problem at first, but if you're smart and really practice, that should fade away over the years.
Becoming friends with girls isn't that hard. They're just people. Building attraction on the other hand...
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On November 12 2009 03:31 fanatacist wrote:Show nested quote +On November 12 2009 03:11 bloopie wrote:
@fantacist:
Oops, i just went ahead and did it (without reading the thread) - I knew she liked Asian food so i was like "I am heading to this awesome Asian place for dinner this friday, care to join me?" of course not right out of the blue, we were talking before this and she comes out with some lame excuse of "oh i dont have money right now, my mum hasnt sent me any" (we are college kids), which is total BS, cos who doesnt have like 20dollars? she still sometimes laugh when i tease her, but i think its serious f-zone. FML. Well that would be the right time to actually pay for the girl... I never agree to pay for a girl who hasn't given me something in return, but that is because I was never in a situation that you are in right now. Make it official, say that you will pay for her, but make it obvious that you will do so just this once because you "want someone great to share a great dinner with" or something. If she says no, then you might as well give up. If she says yes, then win and move onwards. Good luck! And remember, if things fall through, you come out a wiser man, more prepared for other women in your future.
I would have instantly said "okay, some other time then." or "get white rice or something" Agreeing to pay for her during the first date (you asked her to go out to eat, which is something I wouldnt have done, but there are exceptions.) automatically puts points toward her seeing you as a providor and a guy who is obviously intrested and is willing to pay for her attention.
BUT if you were talking about something you had to do tomorrow earlier, but you wanted to get breakfast first, then I would ask her to go out to breakfast. Breakfast is usually a small meal where its done fast, and if you two are cliqing then you will stay longer than you have to, which is good. However if theres a point where you feel you have made a good impression and its time to bail because you dont want to seem dependent on her attention, then bail out to run your errand. You look like a guy who is making moves and she will more likely take the next opportunity to hang out with her because you seem to value your time. Basically act like there are 10 other girls that you can ask to breakfast, and if she says shes busy then its alright because they are lined up.
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On November 10 2009 03:20 larjarse wrote:Show nested quote +On November 09 2009 19:55 ParasitJonte wrote:
Hey, I have a serious question.
There's this smart/cute girl in my japanese class that I'm interested in. During breaks, she approaches me and talks to me and she's impressed by my language skills. Problem is, I have a hard time distinguishing whether a girl is attracted to me or just thinks good of me in general. The good old "friend-dilemma".
How do I find out the answer without asking the question straight to her face? It's also a problem that I can't get much alone time with her as all students gather together during breaks (which is when I have the most obvious opportunity to talk to her). ParasitJonte: She approaches you... hmm.. She is obviously interested. She may not be ATTRACTED yet (but she also may aready like you, you need to read her), but she will be with a little work. If she comes up to you, there is obviously something about you that catches her attention. Great, you already completed the first step. Now just play it cool and talk to her. Say you know that you're good and soon you'll be better than her, then grin. Just playful stuff. If you can get her laughing consistantly, then you KNOW its on.
Lol. I just have to comment on this. I didn't have to say that; she basically said so herself  (that I'm better than her). I just said "thanks" with a smile and added that I think she's clever too.
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How do you let someone down who likes you as more than a friend, and you just want to be friends? Moreover, how do you maintain that friendship but with distance so nothing awkward happens.
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Please answer my poll so I can write something up for the results tonight. Thanks!
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Larjarse don't respond to me as if you didn't tell me to fuck off a few pages ago. You think I want to hear your shit after you were so ignorantly aggressive to me, when I was actually helping people (and according to Shauni, more accurately nailed his problem)? Back up.
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On November 12 2009 09:43 fanatacist wrote:
Larjarse don't respond to me as if you didn't tell me to fuck off a few pages ago. You think I want to hear your shit after you were so ignorantly aggressive to me, when I was actually helping people (and according to Shauni, more accurately nailed his problem)? Back up.
I wrote in my first post that I probably wont agree with some of the advice people give, but I will explain why. I responded to your post because that what I said I'd do.
I made that other post about you because you did shit up the last topic, and you even said your behavior was warned.
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I dont understand why idiots like fanatacist are allowed to troll all over TL just becuase they have 9k posts...alot of which are useless. Larjarse is trying to help people out. Fan created a shit storm in the first thread....and like a 7 year old girl who lost her barbie doll....is creating another shit storm in this thread because he loves the attention. Why dont mods do anything about this?
Larjarse, i think what ur doing is great. Its sad to see so many immature ass hats maybe ruin your efforts. I'm sure the people you have helped appreciate your efforts very much though 
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although fanatacist did troll the last thread, I find his advice pretty helpful for his posts in this thread.
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Yes his posts on page 2 of this thread are so helpful -____-
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EPT![[image loading]](https://static.flashback.info/img/smilies2/whoco5.gif)
