Please answer this poll so I can make a section answering common questions:
Poll: What do you think your problem is with dating? (Vote): I get too anxious or nervous when talking to girls, so I just don't. (Vote): I am not good looking enough (Vote): I try to talk to women but I get rejected often. (Vote): I'm not really sure. (Vote): My dating life is great. I make conscious effots toward achieveing my goals with dating every day
Okay so here we go again. This is the remake of my last topic because there were many who didn't take it seriously and flooded its content with irrelevent idiocy and bickering.
-for those who plan on making a post, please look for the informative posts and the posts by me, your question may be answered with a little reading-
But, since we have all matured and are prepared to partake in discussion about dating, we can finally move on. For people who are curious about any aspect of attraction, dating, and relationships: Feel free to request advice from me and the willing TeamLiquid community!
I am not writing a "guide", because that would be like trying to write an entire liquipedia of stragegies and what ifs for every single possible situation. This is impossible.
Many issues people have with dating are psychological. People look for the answers in the wrong places, and usually blame themselves or how they look or how they think others percieve them. How silly is it act upon how you think others will accept you? It is degrading and demotes progression because you are always looking for acceptance.
After practice and experience, I hope you all understand that what you THINK is what you ARE and what you SEE when it comes to this topic. If you BELIEVE that talking to women and being attractive will come naturally if you just do it, then it WILL come natural. Believe that FAILURE is just a concept made up by people, and when you do something wrong, the lesson is much more valuable than what has been lost
Since I cannot possibly make every point I would like to in this initial post, I will make several points based on peoples requests for advice.
When asking a question or requesting advice, pleace be specific about the situation. The more you can tell me about how you are percieving things and what you are doing and how she/he (or they) responds, the more specific and quality the advice.
Because other people will be responding to questions and requests, I don't think I will be agreeing with ALL of the content posted here. If I do disagree, I will post an explanation. ALSO: I DO have a life, and therfore will not be available to answer questions 24/7. I will, however, update the topic whenever have the free time.
ALSO: If you have a question or request for advice and do not feel comfortable posting your concern, than PM me. Let me know if it is okay to post your ANNONYMOUS question and my response.
On November 09 2009 10:02 Archaic wrote: What's the best way to stand out amongst friends, in a either neutral or positive light?
Archaic:
My answer to this question may sound assholish, but bear with me.
You are asking what in a man gets a woman's attention, wether it be you out of your friends or you out of everyone on the face of the planet. Woman are attracted to men who display higher status in their social setting. If you are twiddling your thumbs with your head down wishing someone would just talk to you and accept you, that is a great way to inadvertantly tell women to stay far away.
You dont have to be a dick to display higher status. To display higher status, you just really believe that you are of high status and you are not seeking acceptance from ANYONE, because you don't have to! Dont be shy to look a female in her eyes and give her a smirk. Dont laugh at things you don't think aren't funny, and don't agree with things that you dont agree for just the hell of it. If you BELIEVE that you are going to go out, be noticed, have a good time, and get the attention from the ladies, it will HAPPEN. But you must actually BELIEVE in these things without a doubt in the process.
Go out, have a good time, be spontanious and say what you feel. Dont glance at people and glance away quickly, this is a sign of an uncofident guy.
Have fun with your friends, joke around with your friends while in conversation with women.
This is a great example of me and my friend last night: ME=Jimmy FRIEND=Adam
-conversatoin started while we were around a small group of females- Adam: hey man, i don't know how much i'm going to be drinking tonight, but if I get wasted you gotta take care of me.
Jimmy: no way, i'm not babysitting you!
Adam: [in a serious tone, but maintains sarcasm] oh yeah? well what if I did get wasted and you DIDNT take care of me, and just left me there huh?? What would that make you? [girls begin to turn to us] Jimmy:[I smirk and get that he's just putting on a show. its on.] Well I guess that would make me a big asshole. But what would I call YOU be for getting wasted at a party like that? [girls giggling, what we are saying isnt even funny] Adam: Stupid. Get ready to babysit. [more laughing]
We look at the girls finally and say "oh yeah you are here. what were we talking about?"
One starts talking, I inturrupt "Hold that thought, I'm gonna get a beer"
Once I get back, Adam and I start joking around again.
This type of thing can really get the girls attention. The females are generally used to getting most attention at a party, or in general, but if you're joking around with your friends and kind of teasing them the ladies and shrugging them off, they will jump at the fact that you have denied them the attention they want! And they want more! They will see that you have higher status and they will try to gain your acceptance by laughing, but you keep pushing them down right as they think they are on the same level!
On November 09 2009 10:36 Chill wrote: why is this round 2? what happened in round 1 to warrant round 2?
Round one got pwned with tr0llz, to say the least. I PMed a TL member and he suggested I just make another topic some time because the first one was so full of shit. So I did.
The funny thing is, when you are with a friend or friends in a situation like this, and both of you GET IT, you suddenly realize you are having a much better time than you thought you were. Its like you guys are in on something that the ladies will never find out, and they are DYING to know!
I'm an aspiring starcraft progamer who recently joined a progamer organization in another country. While I was watching a replay, a player of that organization saw me messaging someone and assumed I was leaking information about the replay to a friend, which is a violation of the organizations rules. However, I was just messaging my friend about an unrelated matter, and the player can't even understand my language. This has caused an uproar and I've had to leave until they clear this up.
I'm a student at a university that's ranked in the top twenty schools for alcoholism among its student population. I'm looking for a girl who's conservative, doesn't drink excessively, doesn't smoke, and wants to wait until marriage before having sexual intercourse.
If that's even possible, where would be some of the areas I should go to ante up my chances? Oh, and don't ask me to go to church to look for the ladies. I am a christian myself, but I don't follow any specific denomination, and I would feel tremendously uncomfortable in any church.
You didn't answer what makes you an expert in attraction and relationship advice from the last thread. I am just curious b/c I could make my own thread and do the same thing even though I am just barely average when it comes to dealing with women.
This is a serious question okay? I'm planning on bring my friend to a bunch of PUA's here in Manila, Philippines.
I need you to check out their website and see if they are pretty good with what they do, because the SARGING and shit cost a lot of "mucho dinero"
Just give a feed back to us guys here in your thread and much appreciated. I don't want my friend to give out a lot of money for nothing you know what I mean?
I also need an honest opinion, my friend really has confidence issues! very shy and we've already tried bringing his spirit up when he mets new girls in the office.. nothing works
im currently in college and I've always had confidence issues with woman as I've never had or girlfriend or anything. i've had a couple of cases where a cute girl had a crush on me in highschool, but i managed to blow it because i'm terrible at making interesting conversations -- all i can do is be nice and listen, which doesn't work to well when the girl is just as quiet as you are.
i'd like to change that, but it's really hard to meet girls here except for the walking up to strangers approach. i have friends here,but the parties I go to really don't have girls I find attractive at all (and my standards aren't very high 0_o).
i just suck at being natural, basically. i'm not a socially broken person by any means, and i'm fairly goofy around good friends, but with girls I'm just terrible.
On November 09 2009 12:11 Licmyobelisk wrote: I need you to check out their website and see if they are pretty good with what they do, because the SARGING and shit cost a lot of "mucho dinero"
On November 09 2009 11:54 resonance wrote: You didn't answer what makes you an expert in attraction and relationship advice from the last thread. I am just curious b/c I could make my own thread and do the same thing even though I am just barely average when it comes to dealing with women.
Whether or not somebody is qualified to answer questions on this subject becomes evident as they start answering questions. He could try to explain that he is qualified because being qualified means you have "it"...you can take a woman. You don't need money or looks, you need to be able to make them celebrate with you. You can't just say you have "it", you have to demonstrate it. He could post pics of him with various women, but that doesn't actually say anything. I could go get pictures with a lot of attractive girls if I tried.
If his answers from the previous thread (sparse as they are) don't qualify him, then I suggest you re-read them. There are things that never even occur to most guys when they're talking with women, and Larjarse can identify the real situation and address it correctly with valid advice. You have to think on a new, different level that makes complete sense when you realize its there--but you don't know to look for it until you see its there. I'll vouch anything he says.
On November 09 2009 12:11 Licmyobelisk wrote: Hello Larjarse,
This is a serious question okay? I'm planning on bring my friend to a bunch of PUA's here in Manila, Philippines.
I need you to check out their website and see if they are pretty good with what they do, because the SARGING and shit cost a lot of "mucho dinero"
Just give a feed back to us guys here in your thread and much appreciated. I don't want my friend to give out a lot of money for nothing you know what I mean?
I also need an honest opinion, my friend really has confidence issues! very shy and we've already tried bringing his spirit up when he mets new girls in the office.. nothing works
This is the second part of our interview with three PUAs who have learned to take embarrassment, rejection and lawsuits in stride: X, Smooth and Charlatan of AttraXion Arts. Contrary to what my three female readers might think, it’s not easy being a PUA: you have to pick up a specified quota of women per month or else your license will be revoked and you will be demoted instead to picking up blow-up dolls and avatars.
success with women is not measured in how many women you can pick up. its about being able to have a rewarding relationship with the girl you choose. all their shit is just hyping themselves up and trying to sell you that they will instantly fix and turn you into a pimp machine. it doesnt happen like that. im not saying its not that easy, but it doesnt come from other people.
one of my friends showed me a video from realsocialdynamics.com, it was this australian guy talking about how he came to have success with women. I would recommend checking that out. I don't wanna say torrent them, but check them out and if you like their stuff then buy it.
On November 09 2009 11:49 Headlines wrote: I'm a student at a university that's ranked in the top twenty schools for alcoholism among its student population. I'm looking for a girl who's conservative, doesn't drink excessively, doesn't smoke, and wants to wait until marriage before having sexual intercourse.
If that's even possible, where would be some of the areas I should go to ante up my chances? Oh, and don't ask me to go to church to look for the ladies. I am a christian myself, but I don't follow any specific denomination, and I would feel tremendously uncomfortable in any church.
I'm also a commuter.
Thanks!~
Headlines:
Since you're in college, most of the women are not virgins. Are you talking about a woman who wants to wait until marriage before sex with YOU?
The only way to better your chances of finding someone right for you is actually putting yourself in the setting and getting close with females. When you first meet women, it is best not to be very serious or be extremely straightforward like they are from another planet. Most women want to be treated equally and enjoy themselves with you like you do with others.
You can go out to parties at your college to just experience things. You never know who you'll meet. A few months ago, my friend and I were going to a party that we felt was going to be pretttty lame, but my friend Josh says to me: "What if you meet your future wife tonight?" This convinced me to go. You just never know how things are going to be until you check it out for yourself. I ended up dating a girl I met there that night and I had a great time. Not everyone female goes to parties is a huge drinker or big slut.
You can meet girls wherever you go really. Say there is a place you go to often, a bank, coffee place, and there is someone you see that catches your attention. One day just spark up a conversation with her. Why not? There is no reason not to, and if you somehow get that subtle rejection like she really doesnt want to talk to you or something, then you could try it again with someone else or another time. If you really want to meet women and start socializing and dating, then you need to make attempts (practice) to get better or see progress.
How do you approach single men? Do you ease them into the concept of your homosexuality and try to change their orientation through a prolonged friendship, or do you just spring the trap on them once you become a close friend?
Any tips for avoiding being hit on by taxi drivers who are old enough to be your father? Also tips on looking less Russian/French and more advice on how to deal with handling hot stuff (aka. ForGG.) and potentially the attention of someone who resembles a zergling.
This website seems like it jams being a "pick up artist" down your throat. This website does have some pretty bare content, but I cant really judge a book by its cover. I think someone can become better at dating if they put the hard work and effort into it on their own.
On November 09 2009 12:17 keepITup wrote: im currently in college and I've always had confidence issues with woman as I've never had or girlfriend or anything. i've had a couple of cases where a cute girl had a crush on me in highschool, but i managed to blow it because i'm terrible at making interesting conversations -- all i can do is be nice and listen, which doesn't work to well when the girl is just as quiet as you are.
i'd like to change that, but it's really hard to meet girls here except for the walking up to strangers approach. i have friends here,but the parties I go to really don't have girls I find attractive at all (and my standards aren't very high 0_o).
i just suck at being natural, basically. i'm not a socially broken person by any means, and i'm fairly goofy around good friends, but with girls I'm just terrible.
keepITup: You need to work on your insides. Make it a formal process to literally ask yourself your goals in life. Think carefully about things that you do that are counterintuitive to your goals. You need to take some time for yourself to think, and promise yourself to make a conscious effort on a daily basis to PRACTICE not doing those counterintuitive things. Take time every day to think about and PRACTICE things that will help you achieve your goals.
Think about what you have done, what went wrong, and the lessons you can learn and use from them. You are trying to talk to a girl so you try to be nice and listen. Is this how you talk to your friends? Is this how you really are when you are comfortable? Does this help you at all in creating attraction? Is this behavior just hurting your dating life?
You can turn it around and think "okay so being nice and trying to listen, which makes me seem tense, doesnt typically spark up a conversation with women. when I do this, they just get quiet." Are you bad at conversation or are you bad at making people feel comfortable with talking to you?
Treat her like a normal person, joke around with her, tease her, and just try to be calm and go with the flow. The first times it may not be instant success, but you are getting experience and it WILL get better.
what do you think girls think about guys dying their hair (strangers, or girls in variety of relationships with you)
ive found that girls prefer guys with plain natural coloured hair but some girls also think that awesomely coloured hair is "cool" (as do we all). im talking something like that progamer with blue-white hair and disappointing loss (whats his name?) but i dunno if that means they (might) find it "attractive" or if im "better off on the whole" keeping a plain dark brown
right now im comfortable with plain dark brown, but kinda wanna try blue dye, but just dont know how female friends (potential dates) would react. im not all acting party wild and shit just want blue hair.
anyway maybe you'd enjoy breaking this down into parts and making sense of it (i cba)
On November 09 2009 15:56 biomedical wrote: what do you think girls think about guys dying their hair (strangers, or girls in variety of relationships with you)
ive found that girls prefer guys with plain natural coloured hair but some girls also think that awesomely coloured hair is "cool" (as do we all). im talking something like that progamer with blue-white hair and disappointing loss (whats his name?) but i dunno if that means they (might) find it "attractive" or if im "better off on the whole" keeping a plain dark brown
right now im comfortable with plain dark brown, but kinda wanna try blue dye, but just dont know how female friends (potential dates) would react. im not all acting party wild and shit just want blue hair.
anyway maybe you'd enjoy breaking this down into parts and making sense of it (i cba)
srsly issue guys
I am so bored right now. This may or may not help your situation. Please bear in mind I do not represent the typical female perspective. This also may or may not have been an excuse to naver pictures of 민찬기.
On November 09 2009 14:57 fanatacist wrote: How do you approach single men? Do you ease them into the concept of your homosexuality and try to change their orientation through a prolonged friendship, or do you just spring the trap on them once you become a close friend?
Ultimately you can't change someone's orientation, just like you can't stop someone from trolling a thread that got created purely because they trolled the last one too hard.
thats the guy i think. the guy on the left. whats his name, i watched him play and felt pretty bad for him. dunno why i feel bad for people all the time these days.
i think girls like shaven heads. i feel like you need to be pretty confident to shave your head, but maybe thats just me. i think my nose would stick out too much if i shaved my hair, and thats why i'd never do it. im sure if i was good looking it wouldnt mean much to me.
On November 09 2009 11:54 resonance wrote: You didn't answer what makes you an expert in attraction and relationship advice from the last thread. I am just curious b/c I could make my own thread and do the same thing even though I am just barely average when it comes to dealing with women.
On November 09 2009 11:54 resonance wrote: You didn't answer what makes you an expert in attraction and relationship advice from the last thread. I am just curious b/c I could make my own thread and do the same thing even though I am just barely average when it comes to dealing with women.
Still waiting...
god do we have to go through this again. Take his advice or dont, its that simple.
On November 09 2009 14:57 fanatacist wrote: How do you approach single men? Do you ease them into the concept of your homosexuality and try to change their orientation through a prolonged friendship, or do you just spring the trap on them once you become a close friend?
Ultimately you can't change someone's orientation, just like you can't stop someone from trolling a thread that got created purely because they trolled the last one too hard.
Ultimately you can't change people who think you are trolling even when you are asking a serious question, even if it's not from your own perspective.
On November 09 2009 11:54 resonance wrote: You didn't answer what makes you an expert in attraction and relationship advice from the last thread. I am just curious b/c I could make my own thread and do the same thing even though I am just barely average when it comes to dealing with women.
Still waiting...
please...who gives a shit. if people arent interested in thread content then they should stop posting in it and let it die. i dont want to read a bunch of whining and half-assed trollisms which go ON AND ON AND ON AND ON.
so many posters here are contempt brats who just use the forums as a playground so they can scorn things and pick fights with fucking EVERYTHING. they bicker and pick out faults and negatives without trying to understand the actual MEANING behind what someone posts and WHY they posted it.
everything is totally one dimensional to them. they dont ever look for the variety of meanings or uses/usefulnesses behind what a person posts.
when i posted something reasonably interesting in the "drink and drive" thread i was taken completely by surprise. i was attacked viciously by people who CLEARLY didnt understand my posts , OR the purpose of my posts. they were completely unable to analyse and think in a constructive manner. it was overwhelming, to the point that i didnt even bother to reply.
some people here wonder that the "quality of posting has gone downhill". well it has - a greater percentage of people used to make thoughtful CONSTRUCTIVE posts....now all i see is DESTRUCTIVE thoughtlessness and hostility.
On November 09 2009 14:57 fanatacist wrote: How do you approach single men? Do you ease them into the concept of your homosexuality and try to change their orientation through a prolonged friendship, or do you just spring the trap on them once you become a close friend?
Ultimately you can't change someone's orientation, just like you can't stop someone from trolling a thread that got created purely because they trolled the last one too hard.
Ultimately you can't change people who think you are trolling even when you are asking a serious question, even if it's not from your own perspective.
God, you're good. Fortunately I already answered your "serious" question: you can't change someone's orientation.
Bringing this thread back on track: this isn't a request for advice, because there really isn't anything to be done, but I'll just complain about it because it's on-topic. I recently met a lovely young lady through a friend of mine, and saw her again at that friend's birthday party. There are a lot of things I like about her that I won't bother writing out because it would take a while and this isn't really the place. We had fun at the party, danced, and afterwards she graciously let me walk her a few blocks to her car, but she let me know that she was taken (by the insert "my boyfriend" into a sentence trick).
So... darn. ><
All I can do is keep living my life and hope for other opportunities, but I still feel a little sad about it. Not a lot, but a little.
On November 09 2009 14:57 fanatacist wrote: How do you approach single men? Do you ease them into the concept of your homosexuality and try to change their orientation through a prolonged friendship, or do you just spring the trap on them once you become a close friend?
Ultimately you can't change someone's orientation, just like you can't stop someone from trolling a thread that got created purely because they trolled the last one too hard.
Ultimately you can't change people who think you are trolling even when you are asking a serious question, even if it's not from your own perspective.
God, you're good. Fortunately I already answered your "serious" question: you can't change someone's orientation.
Then how do people's orientations change on their own? Can't the same development be catalyzed by someone else? Why are you so sure?
On November 09 2009 15:56 biomedical wrote: what do you think girls think about guys dying their hair (strangers, or girls in variety of relationships with you)
ive found that girls prefer guys with plain natural coloured hair but some girls also think that awesomely coloured hair is "cool" (as do we all). im talking something like that progamer with blue-white hair and disappointing loss (whats his name?) but i dunno if that means they (might) find it "attractive" or if im "better off on the whole" keeping a plain dark brown
right now im comfortable with plain dark brown, but kinda wanna try blue dye, but just dont know how female friends (potential dates) would react. im not all acting party wild and shit just want blue hair.
anyway maybe you'd enjoy breaking this down into parts and making sense of it (i cba)
srsly issue guys
I am so bored right now. This may or may not help your situation. Please bear in mind I do not represent the typical female perspective. This also may or may not have been an excuse to naver pictures of 민찬기.
what do you think about really ridiculous dyes? like Jaehoon's new doo?
On November 09 2009 11:54 resonance wrote: You didn't answer what makes you an expert in attraction and relationship advice from the last thread. I am just curious b/c I could make my own thread and do the same thing even though I am just barely average when it comes to dealing with women.
Still waiting...
please...who gives a shit. if people arent interested in thread content then they should stop posting in it and let it die. i dont want to read a bunch of whining and half-assed trollisms which go ON AND ON AND ON AND ON.
so many posters here are contempt brats who just use the forums as a playground so they can scorn things and pick fights with fucking EVERYTHING. they bicker and pick out faults and negatives without trying to understand the actual MEANING behind what someone posts and WHY they posted it.
everything is totally one dimensional to them. they dont ever look for the variety of meanings or uses/usefulnesses behind what a person posts.
when i posted something reasonably interesting in the "drink and drive" thread i was taken completely by surprise. i was attacked viciously by people who CLEARLY didnt understand my posts , OR the purpose of my posts. they were completely unable to analyse and think in a constructive manner. it was overwhelming, to the point that i didnt even bother to reply.
some people here wonder that the "quality of posting has gone downhill". well it has - a greater percentage of people used to make thoughtful CONSTRUCTIVE posts....now all i see is DESTRUCTIVE thoughtlessness and hostility.
Yikes buddy calm down. Just because somebody offers dating advice it doesn't necessarily mean it's good. I just think it's funny that this guy is ignoring my questions asking what his credentials are in terms of what makes him a good candidate to give out dating advice.
Imo, it's a bit naive to take advice from some random person on the internet who really hasn't said anything about himself, so that is why I am asking him. Some of you guys are asking him these questions as if he is some sort of guru with women. If he is as good as he says he is, I don't see why it should be a problem for him to answer.
I am not trying to be an asshole or troll at all (or "DESTRUCTIVE" as you mentioned). Just because I am questioning this guy it doesn't necessarily mean I have bad intentions. I really do hope that this guy is the master that he claims to be because I would love to ask him some questions myself.
If he answered already though, I am pretty sure the last thread wouldn't have been such a mess.
On November 09 2009 14:57 fanatacist wrote: How do you approach single men? Do you ease them into the concept of your homosexuality and try to change their orientation through a prolonged friendship, or do you just spring the trap on them once you become a close friend?
Ultimately you can't change someone's orientation, just like you can't stop someone from trolling a thread that got created purely because they trolled the last one too hard.
Ultimately you can't change people who think you are trolling even when you are asking a serious question, even if it's not from your own perspective.
God, you're good. Fortunately I already answered your "serious" question: you can't change someone's orientation.
Then how do people's orientations change on their own? Can't the same development be catalyzed by someone else? Why are you so sure?
I don't pretend to be an expert on sexual orientation, but I do know that if a guy friend tried to "spring the trap" on me I'd be pretty pissed.
On November 09 2009 17:19 resonance wrote: Yikes buddy calm down. Just because somebody offers dating advice it doesn't necessarily mean it's good. I just think it's funny that this guy is ignoring my questions asking what his credentials are in terms of what makes him a good candidate to give out dating advice.
Imo, it's a bit naive to take advice from some random person on the internet who really hasn't said anything about himself, so that is why I am asking him. Some of you guys are asking him these questions as if he is some sort of guru with women. If he is as good as he says he is, I don't see why it should be a problem for him to answer.
some questions are better left unanswered. if his answers to real questions dont speak for him, then i dont know what will to you
what do you find are some good ways to get a girls #? what are some of the subtler signs that asking is appropriate?
On November 09 2009 15:56 biomedical wrote: what do you think girls think about guys dying their hair (strangers, or girls in variety of relationships with you)
ive found that girls prefer guys with plain natural coloured hair but some girls also think that awesomely coloured hair is "cool" (as do we all). im talking something like that progamer with blue-white hair and disappointing loss (whats his name?) but i dunno if that means they (might) find it "attractive" or if im "better off on the whole" keeping a plain dark brown
right now im comfortable with plain dark brown, but kinda wanna try blue dye, but just dont know how female friends (potential dates) would react. im not all acting party wild and shit just want blue hair.
anyway maybe you'd enjoy breaking this down into parts and making sense of it (i cba)
srsly issue guys
I am so bored right now. This may or may not help your situation. Please bear in mind I do not represent the typical female perspective. This also may or may not have been an excuse to naver pictures of 민찬기.
what do you think about really ridiculous dyes? like Jaehoon's new doo?
I like it. Although it looked more anime-esque before he let it fade. I wish Realy had kept his honey blonde color, but apparently it was too bright for him to cope with.
On November 09 2009 14:57 fanatacist wrote: How do you approach single men? Do you ease them into the concept of your homosexuality and try to change their orientation through a prolonged friendship, or do you just spring the trap on them once you become a close friend?
....To answer your question:
I cannot give advice on this situation because I do not personally know how men are attracted to other men.
On November 09 2009 15:56 biomedical wrote: what do you think girls think about guys dying their hair (strangers, or girls in variety of relationships with you)
ive found that girls prefer guys with plain natural coloured hair but some girls also think that awesomely coloured hair is "cool" (as do we all). im talking something like that progamer with blue-white hair and disappointing loss (whats his name?) but i dunno if that means they (might) find it "attractive" or if im "better off on the whole" keeping a plain dark brown
right now im comfortable with plain dark brown, but kinda wanna try blue dye, but just dont know how female friends (potential dates) would react. im not all acting party wild and shit just want blue hair.
anyway maybe you'd enjoy breaking this down into parts and making sense of it (i cba)
srsly issue guys
I am so bored right now. This may or may not help your situation. Please bear in mind I do not represent the typical female perspective. This also may or may not have been an excuse to naver pictures of 민찬기.
what do you think about really ridiculous dyes? like Jaehoon's new doo?
I like it. Although it looked more anime-esque before he let it fade. I wish Realy had kept his honey blonde color, but apparently it was too bright for him to cope with.
that is incredibly fascinating.
gawd i just love asian culture. i could pull off a Sephiroth cosplay and be fawned over.
There's this smart/cute girl in my japanese class that I'm interested in. During breaks, she approaches me and talks to me and she's impressed by my language skills. Problem is, I have a hard time distinguishing whether a girl is attracted to me or just thinks good of me in general. The good old "friend-dilemma".
How do I find out the answer without asking the question straight to her face? It's also a problem that I can't get much alone time with her as all students gather together during breaks (which is when I have the most obvious opportunity to talk to her).
So like, do you have any education OP? Or is this just feel-good advise for nerds
I'm actually thinking of starting up a PUA business of some sort. Been talking to some people about it and I have a background in psychology/sociology, disciplines from where PUA:s get like 90% of their "knowledge" about men and women.
On November 09 2009 11:54 resonance wrote: You didn't answer what makes you an expert in attraction and relationship advice from the last thread. I am just curious b/c I could make my own thread and do the same thing even though I am just barely average when it comes to dealing with women.
Still waiting...
please...who gives a shit. if people arent interested in thread content then they should stop posting in it and let it die. i dont want to read a bunch of whining and half-assed trollisms which go ON AND ON AND ON AND ON.
so many posters here are contempt brats who just use the forums as a playground so they can scorn things and pick fights with fucking EVERYTHING. they bicker and pick out faults and negatives without trying to understand the actual MEANING behind what someone posts and WHY they posted it.
everything is totally one dimensional to them. they dont ever look for the variety of meanings or uses/usefulnesses behind what a person posts.
when i posted something reasonably interesting in the "drink and drive" thread i was taken completely by surprise. i was attacked viciously by people who CLEARLY didnt understand my posts , OR the purpose of my posts. they were completely unable to analyse and think in a constructive manner. it was overwhelming, to the point that i didnt even bother to reply.
some people here wonder that the "quality of posting has gone downhill". well it has - a greater percentage of people used to make thoughtful CONSTRUCTIVE posts....now all i see is DESTRUCTIVE thoughtlessness and hostility.
Yikes buddy calm down. Just because somebody offers dating advice it doesn't necessarily mean it's good. I just think it's funny that this guy is ignoring my questions asking what his credentials are in terms of what makes him a good candidate to give out dating advice.
Imo, it's a bit naive to take advice from some random person on the internet who really hasn't said anything about himself, so that is why I am asking him. Some of you guys are asking him these questions as if he is some sort of guru with women. If he is as good as he says he is, I don't see why it should be a problem for him to answer.
I am not trying to be an asshole or troll at all (or "DESTRUCTIVE" as you mentioned). Just because I am questioning this guy it doesn't necessarily mean I have bad intentions. I really do hope that this guy is the master that he claims to be because I would love to ask him some questions myself.
If he answered already though, I am pretty sure the last thread wouldn't have been such a mess.
obviously the people asking him questions trust his judgment enough to ask him questions. if you don't think he's qualified, then.. uh.. don't ask a question?
On November 09 2009 14:57 fanatacist wrote: How do you approach single men? Do you ease them into the concept of your homosexuality and try to change their orientation through a prolonged friendship, or do you just spring the trap on them once you become a close friend?
....To answer your question:
I cannot give advice on this situation because I do not personally know how men are attracted to other men.
It's quite annoying how some people feel extremely uncomfortable with someone who is simply giving advice on dating and with women in general. It's understandable to a certain extent, but he's made it clear that he is competent at least to give some solid advice and if you still feel threatened then the "stay out of the thread" argument seems to be pretty sound.
I know this question is quite vague, but what are some good ways, of approaching a girl in a non club type situation. At the park or in a coffee shop e.t.c Most of my experience with approaching girls comes from doing so in clubs, typically with music blaring and alcohol cascading.
On November 09 2009 19:55 ParasitJonte wrote: Hey, I have a serious question. Problem is, I have a hard time distinguishing whether a girl is attracted to me or just thinks good of me in general. The good old "friend-dilemma".
How do I find out the answer without asking the question straight to her face?.
Yeah i've been wondering about this too... is it in her body language? like what signs should I be looking for? or is it how we talk and what not ;(
Another question I have is: When you want to talk to a lady that catches your eye, say in like a coffee shop, mall, etc., what do you say when you approach them? like any general advice? and also how do you keep the conversation going/interesting? do you use the information she gives you when you approached her?
And lastly, in order to be able to spontaneously talk to a woman w/o stuttering, w/o using any cheesy lines, or fidgeting... do I just have to go out there and don't give a fuck?
thx lajarse for starting these threads btw...combining my two loves...women and starcraft...sadly they're incompatible wtih each other lol
On November 09 2009 14:57 fanatacist wrote: How do you approach single men? Do you ease them into the concept of your homosexuality and try to change their orientation through a prolonged friendship, or do you just spring the trap on them once you become a close friend?
Ultimately you can't change someone's orientation, just like you can't stop someone from trolling a thread that got created purely because they trolled the last one too hard.
Ultimately you can't change people who think you are trolling even when you are asking a serious question, even if it's not from your own perspective.
God, you're good. Fortunately I already answered your "serious" question: you can't change someone's orientation.
Then how do people's orientations change on their own? Can't the same development be catalyzed by someone else? Why are you so sure?
I don't pretend to be an expert on sexual orientation, but I do know that if a guy friend tried to "spring the trap" on me I'd be pretty pissed.
Is it bad to work your way up to having sex with a girl and then having sex, while knowing that she has strong emotional feelings for you, and they are not mutual? Keep in mind that I have made my intentions EXTREMELY clear (no relationship, etc.). Is this the girl's fault? I believe it is but I'm not totally sure. I think I've done this a few times in the past as well but I figure I'd solve this mystery once and for all. It usually ends with them being really mad at me for some reason
On November 09 2009 23:29 Romance_us wrote: Is it bad to work your way up to having sex with a girl and then having sex, while knowing that she has strong emotional feelings for you, and they are not mutual? Keep in mind that I have made my intentions EXTREMELY clear (no relationship, etc.). Is this the girl's fault? I believe it is but I'm not totally sure. I think I've done this a few times in the past as well but I figure I'd solve this mystery once and for all. It usually ends with them being really mad at me for some reason
Yes it's bad. I've done this many times.
Basically you are taking advantage of her weakness for you. Most girls who like you are willing to do anything that brings them closer to you, because they think they might be able to sway you and maybe you will like them back too. Making it clear to them that you don't want to have a relationship with them isn't enough if you are still having sex with them. You are basically tooling the girl for her vagina, when all she wants is to be in a relationship with you (and that is why she is allowing this to continue). Like you said though, eventually women get fed up and can't take the weight of the their repressed feelings, and they explode on you because you in fact are an asshole.
I would say that it's both the girl's and your fault. However it is obvious who is the one responsible for the situation, and who is the victim. It's the girl's fault because she allows you to be a heartless dick to her while having sex with her, ignoring her feelings. It's your fault because you take advantage of people for your own profit.
To make this more evident, here is what a more moral and empathetic person would do in your situation: apologize for the lack of mutual feelings, then ask the girl what her ideal resolution would be (to keep on going as friends, or to stop talking entirely, etc.). Instead, you see it as an opportunity to get some pussy. In other words, you're a douche.
On the other hand, you're a guy, and whatever gets you pussy is worth it, even if you have to sell your soul I guess.
Remember, I have done this many times (and knowingly, unlike you I guess, although I am not sure if you honestly thought you were doing something acceptable or if you just were afraid to reason it out for yourself). I'm no better than you. That's how I know, you and I are both going to hell for breaking hearts with our penises.
On November 09 2009 17:19 resonance wrote: Yikes buddy calm down. Just because somebody offers dating advice it doesn't necessarily mean it's good. I just think it's funny that this guy is ignoring my questions asking what his credentials are in terms of what makes him a good candidate to give out dating advice.
Imo, it's a bit naive to take advice from some random person on the internet who really hasn't said anything about himself, so that is why I am asking him. Some of you guys are asking him these questions as if he is some sort of guru with women. If he is as good as he says he is, I don't see why it should be a problem for him to answer.
some questions are better left unanswered. if his answers to real questions dont speak for him, then i dont know what will to you
what do you find are some good ways to get a girls #? what are some of the subtler signs that asking is appropriate?
i think he just wants to know if the OP's advice is working for him. if the OP is giving all this advice, but he's unhappily single for quite some time, then his credibility goes down. of course, he's not going to mention that even if that were the case. if his advice is really working for him, then he should have no problem mentioning it, right?
On November 09 2009 17:19 resonance wrote: Yikes buddy calm down. Just because somebody offers dating advice it doesn't necessarily mean it's good. I just think it's funny that this guy is ignoring my questions asking what his credentials are in terms of what makes him a good candidate to give out dating advice.
Imo, it's a bit naive to take advice from some random person on the internet who really hasn't said anything about himself, so that is why I am asking him. Some of you guys are asking him these questions as if he is some sort of guru with women. If he is as good as he says he is, I don't see why it should be a problem for him to answer.
some questions are better left unanswered. if his answers to real questions dont speak for him, then i dont know what will to you
what do you find are some good ways to get a girls #? what are some of the subtler signs that asking is appropriate?
i think he just wants to know if the OP's advice is working for him. if the OP is giving all this advice, but he's unhappily single for quite some time, then his credibility goes down. of course, he's not going to mention that even if that were the case. if his advice is really working for him, then he should have no problem mentioning it, right?
Being single doesn't rule him out, everyone has downtime between relationships, and some people don't like to have fuck buddies in that interim period. Previous experience can sometimes be sufficient.
However, I think larjarse wants people to trust him based on his answers and not his credentials (which would be hard to prove and easy to lie about anyway). Knowing the level of internet skepticism most people have, this is a pretty myopic approach to the situation, especially if you are pompous enough to include your name in the thread title. But, people are posting, so I guess it's working (or most people just don't care and want to get a second opinion, even if there is not necessarily any qualification to it). In the end, there is no loss to the people posting questions, because if he is credible then you get good advice, and if not then you at least get another fool's perspective. When you combine that with your own, you might actually learn something.
On November 09 2009 23:29 Romance_us wrote: Is it bad to work your way up to having sex with a girl and then having sex, while knowing that she has strong emotional feelings for you, and they are not mutual? Keep in mind that I have made my intentions EXTREMELY clear (no relationship, etc.). Is this the girl's fault? I believe it is but I'm not totally sure. I think I've done this a few times in the past as well but I figure I'd solve this mystery once and for all. It usually ends with them being really mad at me for some reason
Yes it's bad. I've done this many times.
Basically you are taking advantage of her weakness for you. Most girls who like you are willing to do anything that brings them closer to you, because they think they might be able to sway you and maybe you will like them back too. Making it clear to them that you don't want to have a relationship with them isn't enough if you are still having sex with them. You are basically tooling the girl for her vagina, when all she wants is to be in a relationship with you (and that is why she is allowing this to continue). Like you said though, eventually women get fed up and can't take the weight of the their repressed feelings, and they explode on you because you in fact are an asshole.
I would say that it's both the girl's and your fault. However it is obvious who is the one responsible for the situation, and who is the victim. It's the girl's fault because she allows you to be a heartless dick to her while having sex with her, ignoring her feelings. It's your fault because you take advantage of people for your own profit.
To make this more evident, here is what a more moral and empathetic person would do in your situation: apologize for the lack of mutual feelings, then ask the girl what her ideal resolution would be (to keep on going as friends, or to stop talking entirely, etc.). Instead, you see it as an opportunity to get some pussy. In other words, you're a douche.
On the other hand, you're a guy, and whatever gets you pussy is worth it, even if you have to sell your soul I guess.
Remember, I have done this many times (and knowingly, unlike you I guess, although I am not sure if you honestly thought you were doing something acceptable or if you just were afraid to reason it out for yourself). I'm no better than you. That's how I know, you and I are both going to hell for breaking hearts with our penises.
I think she has sex with me because at least directly in the act, I do have some feelings for her. As soon as I get off though I start glancing around for my keys... it's a bad habit to say the least. I would go the obvious route and find girls that simply had the same goals as me, but to be frank, that's not as fun and I'm afraid of any "extra baggage" the girl might be carrying (STD, penis, child, etc.).
And as for hell... well I guess I'll see you there.
On November 09 2009 23:29 Romance_us wrote: Is it bad to work your way up to having sex with a girl and then having sex, while knowing that she has strong emotional feelings for you, and they are not mutual? Keep in mind that I have made my intentions EXTREMELY clear (no relationship, etc.). Is this the girl's fault? I believe it is but I'm not totally sure. I think I've done this a few times in the past as well but I figure I'd solve this mystery once and for all. It usually ends with them being really mad at me for some reason
Yes it's bad. I've done this many times.
Basically you are taking advantage of her weakness for you. Most girls who like you are willing to do anything that brings them closer to you, because they think they might be able to sway you and maybe you will like them back too. Making it clear to them that you don't want to have a relationship with them isn't enough if you are still having sex with them. You are basically tooling the girl for her vagina, when all she wants is to be in a relationship with you (and that is why she is allowing this to continue). Like you said though, eventually women get fed up and can't take the weight of the their repressed feelings, and they explode on you because you in fact are an asshole.
I would say that it's both the girl's and your fault. However it is obvious who is the one responsible for the situation, and who is the victim. It's the girl's fault because she allows you to be a heartless dick to her while having sex with her, ignoring her feelings. It's your fault because you take advantage of people for your own profit.
To make this more evident, here is what a more moral and empathetic person would do in your situation: apologize for the lack of mutual feelings, then ask the girl what her ideal resolution would be (to keep on going as friends, or to stop talking entirely, etc.). Instead, you see it as an opportunity to get some pussy. In other words, you're a douche.
On the other hand, you're a guy, and whatever gets you pussy is worth it, even if you have to sell your soul I guess.
Remember, I have done this many times (and knowingly, unlike you I guess, although I am not sure if you honestly thought you were doing something acceptable or if you just were afraid to reason it out for yourself). I'm no better than you. That's how I know, you and I are both going to hell for breaking hearts with our penises.
I think she has sex with me because at least directly in the act, I do have some feelings for her. As soon as I get off though I start glancing around for my keys... it's a bad habit to say the least. I would go the obvious route and find girls that simply had the same goals as me, but to be frank, that's not as fun and I'm afraid of any "extra baggage" the girl might be carrying (STD, penis, child, etc.).
Of course you have feelings while having sex with her, that's an instinctual consequence of the act that has kept our numbers from dwindling over the millenia. The only girls who have the same goals as you are party skanks, maybe the occasional emotionally broken girl who has sex as a rebound. I agree with your fear of STDs and other side shit that you can get involved in, but I just want to make sure you know that you are an asshole for consciously making the decision to break a girl's heart to get laid (not to mention you said that the alternative is "not as fun," wtf). As long as you know that, you can make your decisions knowingly and accordingly.
Have you ever thought of maybe having a relationship with someone?
On November 09 2009 23:29 Romance_us wrote: Is it bad to work your way up to having sex with a girl and then having sex, while knowing that she has strong emotional feelings for you, and they are not mutual? Keep in mind that I have made my intentions EXTREMELY clear (no relationship, etc.). Is this the girl's fault? I believe it is but I'm not totally sure. I think I've done this a few times in the past as well but I figure I'd solve this mystery once and for all. It usually ends with them being really mad at me for some reason
Yes it's bad. I've done this many times.
Basically you are taking advantage of her weakness for you. Most girls who like you are willing to do anything that brings them closer to you, because they think they might be able to sway you and maybe you will like them back too. Making it clear to them that you don't want to have a relationship with them isn't enough if you are still having sex with them. You are basically tooling the girl for her vagina, when all she wants is to be in a relationship with you (and that is why she is allowing this to continue). Like you said though, eventually women get fed up and can't take the weight of the their repressed feelings, and they explode on you because you in fact are an asshole.
I would say that it's both the girl's and your fault. However it is obvious who is the one responsible for the situation, and who is the victim. It's the girl's fault because she allows you to be a heartless dick to her while having sex with her, ignoring her feelings. It's your fault because you take advantage of people for your own profit.
To make this more evident, here is what a more moral and empathetic person would do in your situation: apologize for the lack of mutual feelings, then ask the girl what her ideal resolution would be (to keep on going as friends, or to stop talking entirely, etc.). Instead, you see it as an opportunity to get some pussy. In other words, you're a douche.
On the other hand, you're a guy, and whatever gets you pussy is worth it, even if you have to sell your soul I guess.
Remember, I have done this many times (and knowingly, unlike you I guess, although I am not sure if you honestly thought you were doing something acceptable or if you just were afraid to reason it out for yourself). I'm no better than you. That's how I know, you and I are both going to hell for breaking hearts with our penises.
I think she has sex with me because at least directly in the act, I do have some feelings for her. As soon as I get off though I start glancing around for my keys... it's a bad habit to say the least. I would go the obvious route and find girls that simply had the same goals as me, but to be frank, that's not as fun and I'm afraid of any "extra baggage" the girl might be carrying (STD, penis, child, etc.).
Of course you have feelings while having sex with her, that's an instinctual consequence of the act that has kept our numbers from dwindling over the millenia. The only girls who have the same goals as you are party skanks, maybe the occasional emotionally broken girl who has sex as a rebound. I agree with your fear of STDs and other side shit that you can get involved in, but I just want to make sure you know that you are an asshole for consciously making the decision to break a girl's heart to get laid (not to mention you said that the alternative is "not as fun," wtf). As long as you know that, you can make your decisions knowingly and accordingly.
Have you ever thought of maybe having a relationship with someone?
And yea, bring some marshmallows.
No, I've never considered a relationship. Yes, I know I'm an asshole now. And I still don't care, so I guess that even confirms it further.
On November 09 2009 23:29 Romance_us wrote: Is it bad to work your way up to having sex with a girl and then having sex, while knowing that she has strong emotional feelings for you, and they are not mutual? Keep in mind that I have made my intentions EXTREMELY clear (no relationship, etc.). Is this the girl's fault? I believe it is but I'm not totally sure. I think I've done this a few times in the past as well but I figure I'd solve this mystery once and for all. It usually ends with them being really mad at me for some reason
Yes it's bad. I've done this many times.
Basically you are taking advantage of her weakness for you. Most girls who like you are willing to do anything that brings them closer to you, because they think they might be able to sway you and maybe you will like them back too. Making it clear to them that you don't want to have a relationship with them isn't enough if you are still having sex with them. You are basically tooling the girl for her vagina, when all she wants is to be in a relationship with you (and that is why she is allowing this to continue). Like you said though, eventually women get fed up and can't take the weight of the their repressed feelings, and they explode on you because you in fact are an asshole.
I would say that it's both the girl's and your fault. However it is obvious who is the one responsible for the situation, and who is the victim. It's the girl's fault because she allows you to be a heartless dick to her while having sex with her, ignoring her feelings. It's your fault because you take advantage of people for your own profit.
To make this more evident, here is what a more moral and empathetic person would do in your situation: apologize for the lack of mutual feelings, then ask the girl what her ideal resolution would be (to keep on going as friends, or to stop talking entirely, etc.). Instead, you see it as an opportunity to get some pussy. In other words, you're a douche.
On the other hand, you're a guy, and whatever gets you pussy is worth it, even if you have to sell your soul I guess.
Remember, I have done this many times (and knowingly, unlike you I guess, although I am not sure if you honestly thought you were doing something acceptable or if you just were afraid to reason it out for yourself). I'm no better than you. That's how I know, you and I are both going to hell for breaking hearts with our penises.
I think she has sex with me because at least directly in the act, I do have some feelings for her. As soon as I get off though I start glancing around for my keys... it's a bad habit to say the least. I would go the obvious route and find girls that simply had the same goals as me, but to be frank, that's not as fun and I'm afraid of any "extra baggage" the girl might be carrying (STD, penis, child, etc.).
Of course you have feelings while having sex with her, that's an instinctual consequence of the act that has kept our numbers from dwindling over the millenia. The only girls who have the same goals as you are party skanks, maybe the occasional emotionally broken girl who has sex as a rebound. I agree with your fear of STDs and other side shit that you can get involved in, but I just want to make sure you know that you are an asshole for consciously making the decision to break a girl's heart to get laid (not to mention you said that the alternative is "not as fun," wtf). As long as you know that, you can make your decisions knowingly and accordingly.
Have you ever thought of maybe having a relationship with someone?
And yea, bring some marshmallows.
No, I've never considered a relationship. Yes, I know I'm an asshole now. And I still don't care, so I guess that even confirms it further.
Thanks for the advice man
Relationships bring out the best in us, you should try it. You have guaranteed sex (if you play your cards right), and the sex is better if you have legitimate feelings for the other person.
Don't worry about not caring too much, you are probably still young, and there are many of us assholes out there. Just keep your mind open to progressive change.
So LarJarsE, I'm not a confident person and I become nervous around most girls, as if I am socially inept. I do not really wish to become the confident asshole-type you are often describing, because it doesn't fit with my personality and my values. I wouldn't mind becoming less nervous around females though, but it is probably because I rarely meet them. I know that the females I meet at parties and those I know from my male-friends usually see me as a bother or at best a nice guy they won't show any interest in. I don't wish to become an attraction magnet or a sexy alpha male with girls swarming around me, I just don't want to have only male friends. I'm not ugly, but the few times women actually approach me out of interest, they grow bored of my unresponsive ways and lack of conversation. How do I solve this without compromising myself too much?
On November 10 2009 02:00 Shauni wrote: So LarJarsE, I'm not a confident person and I become nervous around most girls, as if I am socially inept. I do not really wish to become the confident asshole-type you are often describing, because it doesn't fit with my personality and my values. I wouldn't mind becoming less nervous around females though, but it is probably because I rarely meet them. I know that the females I meet at parties and those I know from my male-friends usually see me as a bother or at best a nice guy they won't show any interest in. I don't wish to become an attraction magnet or a sexy alpha male with girls swarming around me, I just don't want to have only male friends. I'm not ugly, but the few times women actually approach me out of interest, they grow bored of my unresponsive ways and lack of conversation. How do I solve this without compromising myself too much?
You don't have to be an asshole to be interesting or sociable. It's just that people who are nice are often seen as one-dimensional or boring, which is of course untrue for most but at our age it is almost a social mandate ("nice guy" complex you are describing, for example).
You have two problems that are separate but inter-related. First you have to work on your confidence and your exposure anxiety. The reason most guys feel uncomfortable around women is one of the reasons you described - not having enough female exposure. Not having enough exposure leads you to be less confident when you do have it, which leads to poor results, which further intimidates you and prevents you from being confident in the future or approaching women in general. It's a downward spiral that is a consequence of A -> B thinking. What I mean by this is, and I am making an assumption here that you follow the general trend, is that you have a bad encounter -> makes you less confident in future encounters, you have less confidence -> you perform worse, etc., in other words the same spiral I just described. The first step is mental - destroy that A -> B linear train of thought. You need to overcome anxiety from within by realizing that every person you approach, including women, is a blank slate. It's like StarCraft, you can't let the fact that you lost the previous game affect the next one. That's what separates BoX champions from those of weak mental fortitude, and that's what separates the confident from the meek.
The second step is to put this into practice - go out and talk to people, even men, just to get comfortable with talking to strangers. If you feel this step is unnecessary, you know better than I would (gauge your own confidence). Then you approach women, not necessarily in party or even social settings. Strike up a conversation with a woman behind the counter at your supermarket, talk to a girl on the bus or on the street even, sit next to a girl sitting alone at the cafeteria. By projecting a base level of confidence necessary to initiate a conversation with a stranger, you will eventually get in the habit of producing that confidence when it's necessary, and then it just becomes a part of who you are. Mass gaming on ICCup = talking to as many women as possible, even if you get ignored (lose). By dealing with rejections from strangers that don't matter, you lose the fear of it, because you realize that being rejected by girl A has no impact on your success with girl B.
Now, onto your next problem - conversational skills. You will solve part of this problem simply due to the sheer volume of talking you will have to do when conquering your confidence issue. However, tact is both a practiced and pre-meditated art. What I mean by pre-meditated is that you have to prepare yourself to actually be interesting - to be interesting is to give a response that is out of the norm, making conversation that isn't pointless filler shit that no one cares about (where are you from, what classes do you take, blah blah). That is the only reason the asshole approach works - it breaks the social norm of guys sucking up to girls to get laid by being flirtatiously insulting and surprising in general. Obviously, it's possible to entertain someone without demeaning them. Sometimes it's just a matter of how you say things. Do you speak with confidence? Do you avert your eyes when talking? Do you have weak body language (hands in pockets or just immobile at your side, shoulder slouching, recessive posture)? Consider all those and work on them, whether it be in practice or while looking at the mirror. The next question is how to say what you want to say better. Do you use metaphors? Do you make your responses personalized (as in, different than someone else who would have the same factual answer as you)? Do you have a clear personality projecting through your words, actions, expressions? If not, then you should work on being less typical. This will be a lot easier once you have the confidence to think about shit while talking to women, which again comes from practice. When you have the freedom to think creatively about the situations and conversations you partake in, you have the ability to make it more interesting for both you and the listener.
fanatacist, i'm not reading of your dumb posts in this topic. You were one of them who shit up the last topic and then tried to redeem yourself by trying to give lame advice. Seriously, waste your time somewhere else because you're looking like a loser right now.
On November 10 2009 02:00 Shauni wrote: So LarJarsE, I'm not a confident person and I become nervous around most girls, as if I am socially inept. I do not really wish to become the confident asshole-type you are often describing, because it doesn't fit with my personality and my values. I wouldn't mind becoming less nervous around females though, but it is probably because I rarely meet them. I know that the females I meet at parties and those I know from my male-friends usually see me as a bother or at best a nice guy they won't show any interest in. I don't wish to become an attraction magnet or a sexy alpha male with girls swarming around me, I just don't want to have only male friends. I'm not ugly, but the few times women actually approach me out of interest, they grow bored of my unresponsive ways and lack of conversation. How do I solve this without compromising myself too much?
Shauni: This post will help you.
You are asking what in a man gets a woman's attention, wether it be you out of your friends or you out of everyone on the face of the planet. Woman are attracted to men who display higher status in their social setting. If you are twiddling your thumbs with your head down wishing someone would just talk to you and accept you, that is a great way to inadvertantly tell women to stay far away.
You dont have to be a dick to display higher status. To display higher status, you just really believe that you are of high status and you are not seeking acceptance from ANYONE, because you don't have to! Dont be shy to look a female in her eyes and give her a smirk. Dont laugh at things you don't think aren't funny, and don't agree with things that you dont agree for just the hell of it. If you BELIEVE that you are going to go out, be noticed, have a good time, and get the attention from the ladies, it will HAPPEN. But you must actually BELIEVE in these things without a doubt in the process.
-----------------------------------
I made it a point to say this MAY sound assholish, but it is not. Those who are not confident don't understand what feels like to be confident and they are intimidated by the ideas. The fact is, its all in your head. With some change in perspective and some practice you CAN be confident and it will feel natural to talk to women you are attracted to aggressively.
On November 09 2009 19:55 ParasitJonte wrote: Hey, I have a serious question.
There's this smart/cute girl in my japanese class that I'm interested in. During breaks, she approaches me and talks to me and she's impressed by my language skills. Problem is, I have a hard time distinguishing whether a girl is attracted to me or just thinks good of me in general. The good old "friend-dilemma".
How do I find out the answer without asking the question straight to her face? It's also a problem that I can't get much alone time with her as all students gather together during breaks (which is when I have the most obvious opportunity to talk to her).
ParasitJonte: She approaches you... hmm.. She is obviously interested. She may not be ATTRACTED yet (but she also may aready like you, you need to read her), but she will be with a little work.
If she comes up to you, there is obviously something about you that catches her attention. Great, you already completed the first step. Now just play it cool and talk to her. Say you know that you're good and soon you'll be better than her, then grin. Just playful stuff. If you can get her laughing consistantly, then you KNOW its on.
On November 10 2009 03:13 larjarse wrote: fanatacist, i'm not reading of your dumb posts in this topic. You were one of them who shit up the last topic and then tried to redeem yourself by trying to give lame advice. Seriously, waste your time somewhere else because you're looking like a loser right now.
regarding women online, I have this chick that I've met online and she is actually a GM in Crossfire. (the game I currently played) and yeah I wanna know if I got a chance on her or not via personal matters? I could actually see it as a 50/50 kinda thing right now since she knows that I have a Girl, But you know us men, we kinda like to get chicks left and right!
So any pick up lines I can use to show her how affectionate I am? I mean, if she has a boyfriend that's pretty fine.. I'm not a jealous guy!
I've already met her online and boy oh boy we had a connection! ^_^
On November 09 2009 11:54 resonance wrote: You didn't answer what makes you an expert in attraction and relationship advice from the last thread. I am just curious b/c I could make my own thread and do the same thing even though I am just barely average when it comes to dealing with women.
Still waiting...
please...who gives a shit. if people arent interested in thread content then they should stop posting in it and let it die. i dont want to read a bunch of whining and half-assed trollisms which go ON AND ON AND ON AND ON.
so many posters here are contempt brats who just use the forums as a playground so they can scorn things and pick fights with fucking EVERYTHING. they bicker and pick out faults and negatives without trying to understand the actual MEANING behind what someone posts and WHY they posted it.
everything is totally one dimensional to them. they dont ever look for the variety of meanings or uses/usefulnesses behind what a person posts.
when i posted something reasonably interesting in the "drink and drive" thread i was taken completely by surprise. i was attacked viciously by people who CLEARLY didnt understand my posts , OR the purpose of my posts. they were completely unable to analyse and think in a constructive manner. it was overwhelming, to the point that i didnt even bother to reply.
some people here wonder that the "quality of posting has gone downhill". well it has - a greater percentage of people used to make thoughtful CONSTRUCTIVE posts....now all i see is DESTRUCTIVE thoughtlessness and hostility.
Yikes buddy calm down. Just because somebody offers dating advice it doesn't necessarily mean it's good. I just think it's funny that this guy is ignoring my questions asking what his credentials are in terms of what makes him a good candidate to give out dating advice.
Imo, it's a bit naive to take advice from some random person on the internet who really hasn't said anything about himself, so that is why I am asking him. Some of you guys are asking him these questions as if he is some sort of guru with women. If he is as good as he says he is, I don't see why it should be a problem for him to answer.
I am not trying to be an asshole or troll at all (or "DESTRUCTIVE" as you mentioned). Just because I am questioning this guy it doesn't necessarily mean I have bad intentions. I really do hope that this guy is the master that he claims to be because I would love to ask him some questions myself.
If he answered already though, I am pretty sure the last thread wouldn't have been such a mess.
if you don't think he's qualified, then.. uh.. don't ask a question?
Oh damn dude, what a smart revelation you have there. Thank you I have never even thought of that, hell never heard it mentioned 10,000 times.
On November 10 2009 02:00 Shauni wrote: So LarJarsE, I'm not a confident person and I become nervous around most girls, as if I am socially inept. I do not really wish to become the confident asshole-type you are often describing, because it doesn't fit with my personality and my values. I wouldn't mind becoming less nervous around females though, but it is probably because I rarely meet them. I know that the females I meet at parties and those I know from my male-friends usually see me as a bother or at best a nice guy they won't show any interest in. I don't wish to become an attraction magnet or a sexy alpha male with girls swarming around me, I just don't want to have only male friends. I'm not ugly, but the few times women actually approach me out of interest, they grow bored of my unresponsive ways and lack of conversation. How do I solve this without compromising myself too much?
You don't have to be an asshole to be interesting or sociable. It's just that people who are nice are often seen as one-dimensional or boring, which is of course untrue for most but at our age it is almost a social mandate ("nice guy" complex you are describing, for example).
Yeah I gotta agree with Fana. Being confident shows through the actions you do. So a good way to show confidence is doing things you like.
I tried for a few months going out to clubs/parties/bars etc. to meet girls. I don't drink and as a result I am really not that turned on by drunk girls. Of course a bar is filled with them. I felt a little bored/not really enjoying myself when I was going out to events like this, and I believe it showed. I didn't get very many results. So I just said, fuck it, I am not going out to bars/clubs/parties, and as a result I feel like my confidence level has increased simply because I am doing the things I like. I still socialize, just not in the bar/club scenario.
So imo I would just do things that you enjoy. Obviously if you just like sitting at the comp playing games that won't help you get girls, so maybe try to find something a bit more social of course that you would enjoy doing.
On November 09 2009 12:11 Licmyobelisk wrote: Hello Larjarse,
This is a serious question okay? I'm planning on bring my friend to a bunch of PUA's here in Manila, Philippines.
I need you to check out their website and see if they are pretty good with what they do, because the SARGING and shit cost a lot of "mucho dinero"
Just give a feed back to us guys here in your thread and much appreciated. I don't want my friend to give out a lot of money for nothing you know what I mean?
I also need an honest opinion, my friend really has confidence issues! very shy and we've already tried bringing his spirit up when he mets new girls in the office.. nothing works
This is the second part of our interview with three PUAs who have learned to take embarrassment, rejection and lawsuits in stride: X, Smooth and Charlatan of AttraXion Arts. Contrary to what my three female readers might think, it’s not easy being a PUA: you have to pick up a specified quota of women per month or else your license will be revoked and you will be demoted instead to picking up blow-up dolls and avatars.
success with women is not measured in how many women you can pick up. its about being able to have a rewarding relationship with the girl you choose. all their shit is just hyping themselves up and trying to sell you that they will instantly fix and turn you into a pimp machine. it doesnt happen like that. im not saying its not that easy, but it doesnt come from other people.
one of my friends showed me a video from realsocialdynamics.com, it was this australian guy talking about how he came to have success with women. I would recommend checking that out. I don't wanna say torrent them, but check them out and if you like their stuff then buy it.
hey man, just a newbie here. sorry to interrupt.. i'll be gone in a while if you hate my presence. i couldn't help but react coz my one of the X crew showed me this link and I decided to drop by. i'm not marketing or anything, just wanted to clear things up so you guys won't get the wrong idea.
My name is Ryu X. I'm the founder of AttraXion Arts, also popularly known as X Arts here in the Philippines, the premier and leading dating and seduction company in the Philippines, and slowly gaining ground in Asia.
@ Kurtisthetitle
you are obviously mistaken. that write-up you quoted in your spoiler, was taken from an interview by RJ Ledesma. he is known for being a comedic writer, so when he asks a question there, it isn't necessarily what really happened, he's just making a figure of speech called a "hyperbole". you're reading it in the wrong context buddy. we didn't actually "say" that write-up, he just added that in his question that to make it more comic and attract, or catch the attention of the readers.
in fact if we would follow your argument, then you'd also believe many of us who practice X Arts here in the Phil got lawsuits coz it's included in the write-up "spoiler" you have there as well (now you know the context is that he's exaggerating and joking hahahaha). it was published in the top national newspaper here in the Philippines, Philippine Star, by the way; and it was published in the entertainment and lifestyle section.
although... you are right, and i whole-heartedly agree with you. success is not measured by the number of women you can pick up. your value is not determined by women. in fact we just recently discussed that topic in our Grand PUA Summit held just this Saturday (shattering the PUA mindset: normal guy frame vs. PUA frame vs. X Arts frame), coz most people in the seduction community think that the more women you lay, the better you are. i'm glad you know that as well. that was one among the couple of things we discussed in the summit.
you are also right that change doesn't happen overnight, and we never marketed ourselves that way, it's our clients who did that, though we always advise everybody that there is no fuckin magic pill, nor magic bullet, nor an overnight success, but we will give you the tools necessary to succeed. we are just your guides, everything still comes from you. we just coach you, but in the end, it's still you, you just dont know it yet, but you had it in you all along. X Arts means everybody has got the "X factor", they just have to discover it and harness it.
i repeat, we don't advocate making large number of approaches or pickups to increase your level of game. in fact, modesty aside, i'm the best in the seduction game in the Philippines, and I'm in a fulfilling relationship with a gorgeous girlfriend, have been in such a situation now for 3 years. we even have a female instructor here in X Arts. i never practise my seduction game coz I'm the game. i dont run game, i already automatically do it, not only on strangers and sets, but to everybody (my mom, dad, family, sister, friends, buddies, girlfriend, her friends, etc.), it's not just about picking up women, but overall self-improvement (I personally think it's more about self-discovery than self-improvement, coz everybody really is attractive and interesting, but they just dont know it yet, nor know how to show it) however, even with no practice, i dont go rusty. in fact i have been conducting bootcamps 4 times a month, as we get booked a lot.
AttraXion Arts ain't no hype man. our shit wouldn't stand the test of time if we're hyped up, we've been here for 2 years and only getting stronger. in fact, we seldom do outrageous marketing. check out the site better and you'll understand... our clients do the marketing for us. simple as that.
WTF! Ryu X the grand master of pick up artistry? How the hell did you get here the legend that became a man and then got back to being a legend? it's incredible that I've just added myself to your following and now you are following us? Incredible!
Some of the advice in this thread is good. A lot of guys are "confident" and relaxed around their friends or in their workplace but when they're around girls they tend to freeze up or their minds blank.
It stems from neediness. It's because they WANT something from them. They want to be liked. They want their attention. They want to impress them. If you think about it, this is the complete opposite of our attitude when we're talking to a good friend. It's all about fun, mutual connection, and speaking from the gut.
It's important to learn how to talk from the gut and it's important to learn how to be non-needy. Whenever you talk to a girl, or to anybody really just keep these few tips in mind: 1) Non-neediness, never WANT something from anyone, don't try to impress them 2) energy, fun, too many guys walking around have this grey, energyless vibe about them 3) speak from your gut and 4) Good body language, this includes, strong eye contact, smiling or smirking as you talk, and the tonality of your voice (On one end of the spectrum you have tony robins, on the other end, Ben stein). And last but not least, LISTENING. People are attracted to other people when they can bare their thoughts, feelings, and unique traits about themselves completely honestly with them.
On November 10 2009 02:00 Shauni wrote: So LarJarsE, I'm not a confident person and I become nervous around most girls, as if I am socially inept. I do not really wish to become the confident asshole-type you are often describing, because it doesn't fit with my personality and my values. I wouldn't mind becoming less nervous around females though, but it is probably because I rarely meet them. I know that the females I meet at parties and those I know from my male-friends usually see me as a bother or at best a nice guy they won't show any interest in. I don't wish to become an attraction magnet or a sexy alpha male with girls swarming around me, I just don't want to have only male friends. I'm not ugly, but the few times women actually approach me out of interest, they grow bored of my unresponsive ways and lack of conversation. How do I solve this without compromising myself too much?
Shauni: This post will help you.
You are asking what in a man gets a woman's attention, wether it be you out of your friends or you out of everyone on the face of the planet. Woman are attracted to men who display higher status in their social setting. If you are twiddling your thumbs with your head down wishing someone would just talk to you and accept you, that is a great way to inadvertantly tell women to stay far away.
You dont have to be a dick to display higher status. To display higher status, you just really believe that you are of high status and you are not seeking acceptance from ANYONE, because you don't have to! Dont be shy to look a female in her eyes and give her a smirk. Dont laugh at things you don't think aren't funny, and don't agree with things that you dont agree for just the hell of it. If you BELIEVE that you are going to go out, be noticed, have a good time, and get the attention from the ladies, it will HAPPEN. But you must actually BELIEVE in these things without a doubt in the process.
-----------------------------------
I made it a point to say this MAY sound assholish, but it is not. Those who are not confident don't understand what feels like to be confident and they are intimidated by the ideas. The fact is, its all in your head. With some change in perspective and some practice you CAN be confident and it will feel natural to talk to women you are attracted to aggressively.
It doesn't help me at all. I've read this thousands of times and it still feels so empty. It's always the same thing all over again: display confidence and status bla bla toy with her a bit and show her you are in control of the situation and so on. As I said I don't want to become a pick-up artist or play the game. I just wouldn't want to change my behaviour to that direction, ever. Maybe I'm in the wrong thread, I don't know. Maybe this is a pick-up artist thread.
I think fanatacist described it more accurately. I know of all these things but I still can't change the first thing, my mindset. I give up way too easily after my failures, telling myself it doesn't matter and that I don't want to socialize with women anyway. I've tried changing this, but I'm weak and stupid. Whenever I start a conversation with a new girl, the memory of my last failure is etched into my brain.
On November 10 2009 05:20 Licmyobelisk wrote: WTF! Ryu X the grand master of pick up artistry? How the hell did you get here the legend that became a man and then got back to being a legend? it's incredible that I've just added myself to your following and now you are following us? Incredible!
hey nice meeting you. yeah i'm now following this thread, one of my entourage showed me this link, and this is kinda interesting, although i won't be here for long, just waiting for kurtistheturtle's response, as we just needed to clear things up.
On November 10 2009 02:00 Shauni wrote: So LarJarsE, I'm not a confident person and I become nervous around most girls, as if I am socially inept. I do not really wish to become the confident asshole-type you are often describing, because it doesn't fit with my personality and my values. I wouldn't mind becoming less nervous around females though, but it is probably because I rarely meet them. I know that the females I meet at parties and those I know from my male-friends usually see me as a bother or at best a nice guy they won't show any interest in. I don't wish to become an attraction magnet or a sexy alpha male with girls swarming around me, I just don't want to have only male friends. I'm not ugly, but the few times women actually approach me out of interest, they grow bored of my unresponsive ways and lack of conversation. How do I solve this without compromising myself too much?
Shauni: This post will help you.
You are asking what in a man gets a woman's attention, wether it be you out of your friends or you out of everyone on the face of the planet. Woman are attracted to men who display higher status in their social setting. If you are twiddling your thumbs with your head down wishing someone would just talk to you and accept you, that is a great way to inadvertantly tell women to stay far away.
You dont have to be a dick to display higher status. To display higher status, you just really believe that you are of high status and you are not seeking acceptance from ANYONE, because you don't have to! Dont be shy to look a female in her eyes and give her a smirk. Dont laugh at things you don't think aren't funny, and don't agree with things that you dont agree for just the hell of it. If you BELIEVE that you are going to go out, be noticed, have a good time, and get the attention from the ladies, it will HAPPEN. But you must actually BELIEVE in these things without a doubt in the process.
-----------------------------------
I made it a point to say this MAY sound assholish, but it is not. Those who are not confident don't understand what feels like to be confident and they are intimidated by the ideas. The fact is, its all in your head. With some change in perspective and some practice you CAN be confident and it will feel natural to talk to women you are attracted to aggressively.
It doesn't help me at all. I've read this thousands of times and it still feels so empty. It's always the same thing all over again: display confidence and status bla bla toy with her a bit and show her you are in control of the situation and so on. As I said I don't want to become a pick-up artist or play the game. I just wouldn't want to change my behaviour to that direction, ever. Maybe I'm in the wrong thread, I don't know. Maybe this is a pick-up artist thread.
I think fanatacist described it more accurately. I know of all these things but I still can't change the first thing, my mindset. I give up way too easily after my failures, telling myself it doesn't matter and that I don't want to socialize with women anyway. I've tried changing this, but I'm weak and stupid. Whenever I start a conversation with a new girl, the memory of my last failure is etched into my brain.
Work on it. Work on your ability to handle failure. Everyone who has ever played StarCraft on ICCup had to do it - either you push through and stop caring about losses (and thus get more games in, and produce better results), or you fall victim to your own lack of confidence and never get over D+. The same concept applies here - desensitize yourself to it. It's a training exercise, something that you must pass, regardless of how embarrassed you might feel or how badly you get ignored/rejected. Like StarCraft, everyone loses sometimes, and by losing we can learn what we need to improve. You need to be rejected x amount of times before you can be completely fearless - how fast you achieve that x amount is dependent on how you handle your mindset, and how you have to get over it. Feeling embarrassed is natural, but who cares what some girl thinks about you? You don't have to see her ever again, and you can start from scratch with the next one. It's your lack of confidence that makes you remember your failures so vividly. There is no better way of saying this - man up. Reproduction, and getting to the point of reproduction, is an instinct. By holding yourself back you are going against your instincts. Humanity is based on socializing and being able to socialize properly - if you can't, then you will be ostracized from society, depending on the severity of your incapacity. Realize how important this is to you; if it isn't, you wouldn't be posting here, and you wouldn't be aware of the fact that you have a problem. You need stop making excuses for yourself and become a socially healthy human being. Good luck!
On November 10 2009 05:20 Licmyobelisk wrote: WTF! Ryu X the grand master of pick up artistry? How the hell did you get here the legend that became a man and then got back to being a legend? it's incredible that I've just added myself to your following and now you are following us? Incredible!
hey nice meeting you. yeah i'm now following this thread, one of my entourage showed me this link, and this is kinda interesting, although i won't be here for long, just waiting for kurtistheturtle's response, as we just needed to clear things up.
I wouldn't stick around and wait, most people post only a few times a day. In any case, whatever he said or has to say is really not that important. If we had to care about every word every ignorant person said or every misunderstanding that people have, life would be miserable. But life is good, because it doesn't matter who says what as long as you and the people that matter (I guess in your case your followers and crew) know what's what. Right?
It doesn't help me at all. I've read this thousands of times and it still feels so empty. It's always the same thing all over again: display confidence and status bla bla toy with her a bit and show her you are in control of the situation and so on. As I said I don't want to become a pick-up artist or play the game. I just wouldn't want to change my behaviour to that direction, ever. Maybe I'm in the wrong thread, I don't know. Maybe this is a pick-up artist thread.
I think fanatacist described it more accurately. I know of all these things but I still can't change the first thing, my mindset. I give up way too easily after my failures, telling myself it doesn't matter and that I don't want to socialize with women anyway. I've tried changing this, but I'm weak and stupid. Whenever I start a conversation with a new girl, the memory of my last failure is etched into my brain.
Telling yo what to do is the easy part. If you want to make changes in how you think and how you percieve things to better yourself and your life, you need to take time and a counscious effort to do so. Someone like you needs to make it a formal process to identify what you have been doing wrong that is counterintuitive to your goals, and the steps you can take toward your goals. This takes time, its not something thats going to click with you after reading a post. You really need to think about it and work on it yourself. I will add more to this later.
On November 10 2009 05:06 Ryu X wrote: you are obviously mistaken. that write-up you quoted in your spoiler, was taken from an interview by RJ Ledesma. he is known for being a comedic writer
sure. i just gave it a cursory read and watched the video, if you know better then you're probably right. lets not muck up the thread
[edit: i just read what i quoted my first time through your post. you registered at tl to rep your product? lol..thats somethin. your entourage must be good ppl if they play sc. gl to ya]
heres a sticky one that just came up: i met my current roommate last year. i hung out with him and his gf a lot. she is studying overseas in britain this year (her dad got a job out there) and my roommate is goin over there second semester. she just talked to me on fbchat and invited me to go over there to live with her. its an opportunity..but i still feel weird about it. I wouldn't ever do anything to get in between them but there were some situations as last year progressed where it seems like she saw me as more than a friend. this really scares me.
the one I'm most confused about happened after i went to my roommate's room (we lived down the hall from each other last year). his roommate last year was a dick, and so we decided to go to the lounge. his gf left first, me and him were finishing a youtube video or something. i went next and as he was out the door and it was closing he ran back in to get a bottle of water. i kept walking and when I got in sight of the lounge through a window the lights were off and she was crying. we made eye contact and she kept crying and didnt try to hide it from me.
her bf came right after and she stopped crying, trying to hide it and say it was nothing. obviously, she was very torn about something. i stopped hanging out with them for a couple weeks after that. since then I've been kind of colder to gf's of my guy friends I know. I spend less time joking around with them than I would be if they were single. I'm scared something like this might happen again. I'm still trying to figure out how I should interact. but at the same time, nobody can control their feelings. if its gonna happen its gonna happen
anyway so far I haven't told him that she invited me because i never plan on going. well, I generally never tell anybody what anybody else tells me. but in this case i don't know if i should bring my suspicions forward
On November 10 2009 05:06 Ryu X wrote: you are obviously mistaken. that write-up you quoted in your spoiler, was taken from an interview by RJ Ledesma. he is known for being a comedic writer
sure. i just gave it a cursory read and watched the video, if you know better then you're probably right. lets not muck up the thread
heres a sticky one that just came up: i met my current roommate last year. i hung out with him and his gf a lot. she is studying overseas in britain this year (her dad got a job out there) and my roommate is goin over there second semester. she just talked to me on fbchat and invited me to go over there to live with her. its an opportunity..but i still feel weird about it. I wouldn't ever do anything to get in between them but there were some situations as last year progressed where it seems like she saw me as more than a friend. this really scares me.
the one I'm most confused about happened after i went to my roommate's room (we lived down the hall from each other last year). his roommate last year was a dick, and so we decided to go to the lounge. his gf left first, me and him were finishing a youtube video or something. i went next and as he was out the door and it was closing he ran back in to get a bottle of water. i kept walking and when I got in sight of the lounge through a window the lights were off and she was crying. we made eye contact and she kept crying and didnt try to hide it from me.
her bf came right after and she stopped crying, trying to hide it and say it was nothing. obviously, she was very torn about something. i stopped hanging out with them for a couple weeks after that. since then I've been kind of colder to gf's of my guy friends I know. I spend less time joking around with them than I would be if they were single. I'm scared something like this might happen again. I'm still trying to figure out how I should interact. but at the same time, nobody can control their feelings. if its gonna happen its gonna happen
anyway so far I haven't told him that she invited me because i never plan on going. well, I generally never tell anybody what anybody else tells me. but in this case i don't know if i should bring my suspicions forward
All I have to say is, I feel really bad for your roommate. He's going to move in with a chick overseas who isn't even interested in him?
she is. after i distanced myself things went back to business as usual. she honestly does like him, I'm worried that when she comes back these situations might resurface and if I'm aware of it but haven't said anything..
On November 10 2009 06:57 KurtistheTurtle wrote: she is. after i distanced myself things went back to business as usual. she honestly does like him, I'm worried that when she comes back these situations might resurface and if I'm aware of it but haven't said anything..
So basically, the potential just exists there for her to always like you more. You should make sure he completely loves her and then blackmail him for stuff. Simple things like money and food. Just make it clear that if the gifts stop coming then you're gonna live with his girlfriend (and remind him of higher potential).
I guess if she likes him it still doesn't even matter. She was crying over you LOL
On November 10 2009 02:00 Shauni wrote: So LarJarsE, I'm not a confident person and I become nervous around most girls, as if I am socially inept. I do not really wish to become the confident asshole-type you are often describing, because it doesn't fit with my personality and my values. I wouldn't mind becoming less nervous around females though, but it is probably because I rarely meet them. I know that the females I meet at parties and those I know from my male-friends usually see me as a bother or at best a nice guy they won't show any interest in. I don't wish to become an attraction magnet or a sexy alpha male with girls swarming around me, I just don't want to have only male friends. I'm not ugly, but the few times women actually approach me out of interest, they grow bored of my unresponsive ways and lack of conversation. How do I solve this without compromising myself too much?
Shauni: This post will help you.
You are asking what in a man gets a woman's attention, wether it be you out of your friends or you out of everyone on the face of the planet. Woman are attracted to men who display higher status in their social setting. If you are twiddling your thumbs with your head down wishing someone would just talk to you and accept you, that is a great way to inadvertantly tell women to stay far away.
You dont have to be a dick to display higher status. To display higher status, you just really believe that you are of high status and you are not seeking acceptance from ANYONE, because you don't have to! Dont be shy to look a female in her eyes and give her a smirk. Dont laugh at things you don't think aren't funny, and don't agree with things that you dont agree for just the hell of it. If you BELIEVE that you are going to go out, be noticed, have a good time, and get the attention from the ladies, it will HAPPEN. But you must actually BELIEVE in these things without a doubt in the process.
-----------------------------------
I made it a point to say this MAY sound assholish, but it is not. Those who are not confident don't understand what feels like to be confident and they are intimidated by the ideas. The fact is, its all in your head. With some change in perspective and some practice you CAN be confident and it will feel natural to talk to women you are attracted to aggressively.
It doesn't help me at all. I've read this thousands of times and it still feels so empty. It's always the same thing all over again: display confidence and status bla bla toy with her a bit and show her you are in control of the situation and so on. As I said I don't want to become a pick-up artist or play the game. I just wouldn't want to change my behaviour to that direction, ever. Maybe I'm in the wrong thread, I don't know. Maybe this is a pick-up artist thread.
I think fanatacist described it more accurately. I know of all these things but I still can't change the first thing, my mindset. I give up way too easily after my failures, telling myself it doesn't matter and that I don't want to socialize with women anyway. I've tried changing this, but I'm weak and stupid. Whenever I start a conversation with a new girl, the memory of my last failure is etched into my brain.
Try some self-hypnotizing programs, i know it sounds really corny, but i've actually done it like a self-meditation every night before i sleep for a good iono 6month? 1 year? and it REALLY does help. Getting confidence is a gradual process, not something you can get in a day and lose in the other.
On November 10 2009 06:57 KurtistheTurtle wrote: she is. after i distanced myself things went back to business as usual. she honestly does like him, I'm worried that when she comes back these situations might resurface and if I'm aware of it but haven't said anything..
So basically, the potential just exists there for her to always like you more. You should make sure he completely loves her and then blackmail him for stuff. Simple things like money and food. Just make it clear that if the gifts stop coming then you're gonna live with his girlfriend (and remind him of higher potential).
I guess if she likes him it still doesn't even matter. She was crying over you LOL
LOL thats the first thing you think of? you would
thing is i could just be interpreting this completely wrong. im concerned cuz this is something i don't try to look for. I don't know what to think or what details to really consider.. hence this question
Right now I am in college, and I won't consider myself to be too socially awkward, i mean I ain't some real smooth talker but i can hold a conversation, but sometimes i can get quiet in a group. In parties i obviously become more social but nvm. the thing is strange that i have quite a few female friends - and they will say hi to me while maintaining eye contact me so I shouldnt think I feel like a creeper to them, and I do have many such female friends, but I cant seem to get any decent girl to progress to the next level with me. The girls which hit on me are often either not that physically desirable, or not my type (not that fun-loving). Whats causing this, or i really do need to just be more friendly than i am right now? Looks shouldnt be an issue, however I do wear glasses all the time. =/
and another question: what other indicator of interests other than initiating physical contact like light punching or touching are there? Whats the difference between simply being friendly or something more (i.e. calling you everytime she sees you. does that count?)
On November 10 2009 10:31 bloopie wrote: and another question: what other indicator of interests other than initiating physical contact like light punching or touching are there? Whats the difference between simply being friendly or something more (i.e. calling you everytime she sees you. does that count?)
Disregard IOIs altogether. It's obsolete. Not only that but it's so needy... Yeah, she may laugh at your joke, or give you her number, or flick her hair, or touch your shoulder but that doesn't mean squat. I see too many guys get these "IOI highs" when they're so pleased with themselves that they got a number or something like that. Only, that it doesn't get them laid. Girl's react differently when they like a guy. They may not even know how to SHOW that they like them... And guys who WAIT for signals might take so long to act that it bores the girl and she moves on. So never wait for signals... Always lead.
Looking for IOIs is just another symptom of neediness. You're so worried about her liking you, and trying to impress her that you pay attention to trivial shit like this and wonder why you don't know what to say next. Because you're in your head, and so focused on this and on trying to impress her instead of LISTENING! Not only that but what happens when she doesn't give you a so called IOI? Do you run away with your tail in between your legs. Do you give up? Do you become anxious and scared? Think about it. If you're talking to your best friend do you say to yourself, "Oh no, he didn't laugh at my joke, or, he didn't touch me on my shoulder. Fuck!" and then sulk away right afterwards? NO. But that's exactly how too many guys interact with women. YOU should be the source of fun and good vibes. It doesn't matter what she thinks about you, or how she reacts. Don't even pay attention to it.
Anyways, this isn't really an IOI but there are certain highpoints in any interaction. Again, especially in the beginning, it's not only useless, but downright harmful to focus on this. Instead you should be focusing on projecting a vibe that's non-needy, energetic and fun. Simple. And also on conversation. There are four highpoints that I always notice in interactions (You'll start to notice it only after experience). They are mutual connection; i.e. when she relates to you. She could relate to you on mundane things--you: "I hate the feeling I get after eating mcdonalds, I feel so greasy", her: "oh, I know what you mean! blah blah" or on deeper values. When she's excited about agreeing then that's highpoint number 1. Second one is an emotional high. When you both are having fun and she's grabbing you, and the emotions are just palpable. Third is when SHE foreshadows an activity i.e. "I love sushi, we should totally go get some sometime". And lastly, when she insinuates something sexually. An example from a bar I went to: I said, "I actually can't take that much alochol, I suck. Girl's like to take advantage of me all the time in fact, because I get wasted so easily" her: Yeahhh right! (with a smirk on her face)..... Do you wanna go get some drinks? (big grin on her face)
So there you have it. Being aware of those things only comes with the proper experience. It's useless to try and pay attention to them but it might be helpful to understand them a little. I don't wait for highpoints before acting. Never. I always lead. But highpoints just make it so much easier to lead, and escalate the interaction. So whenever I notice a highpoint I make SURE to capitalize on it and turn it into action. i.e.That girl in the last example? I didn't end up taking shots with her because her friend wanted to go to another place rather than take shots together. But I did facebook her immediately instead. In fact she came and looked for me before she and her friend left and made sure I had HER phone number. And she gave me a big hug before she left. Keep in mind, I just met this girl and I probably talked to her for 4 minutes at most. As soon as she left, we started texting back and forth and we set up a date.
Anyways, again, there are better and more useful things to focus on, like nonverbals and having a life.
So this girl I haven't talked to since like 3 months suddenly msg me and we talked for awhile. She's hot and I had nothing to lose so I thought why not follow the advise here (never did it before).
So I acted like I don't give a fuck and picked on her for all she said. Surprisingly enough for me I managed to pull out a "hahaha x" 85%~ of her msg's, and I didn't even had to compliment her one single time.
You guys are the best, this is gold.
PS. Should I wait for her msg me again or should I take the initiative next time?
Wait again. You're a busy guy and you don't have time to check if she's online to message her, and you don't really care either. If she confronts you about it, say that you rarely check your buddy list/friend list/whatever. You should message her once in a blue moon though. As your relationship gets closer, message her more to feign increased interest.
why do i sometimes feel like i'm the king of the world (feels like im high on life, no drugs used), and other times a lot of what other people say affect me? I think i might be bipolar.......O_O Is this normal?
On November 11 2009 06:38 YPang wrote: why do i sometimes feel like i'm the king of the world (feels like im high on life, no drugs used), and other times a lot of what other people say affect me? I think i might be bipolar.......O_O Is this normal?
I don't have any specific advice, but I can say I've felt like this before. Mainly it was really how I felt in the given situations. For example, if I'm with friends, I don't have to watch what I say (to an extent), or care about what they think. I know my current position, and unless something extreme happens, I doubt anything is going to change. As for other people, when I'm either making impressions, or fearing bad impressions with people I already know, that's when I pull back, and usually just let other people do stuff, they make the actions, I observe.
On November 11 2009 06:38 YPang wrote: why do i sometimes feel like i'm the king of the world (feels like im high on life, no drugs used), and other times a lot of what other people say affect me? I think i might be bipolar.......O_O Is this normal?
I don't have any specific advice, but I can say I've felt like this before. Mainly it was really how I felt in the given situations. For example, if I'm with friends, I don't have to watch what I say (to an extent), or care about what they think. I know my current position, and unless something extreme happens, I doubt anything is going to change. As for other people, when I'm either making impressions, or fearing bad impressions with people I already know, that's when I pull back, and usually just let other people do stuff, they make the actions, I observe.
i see, sometimes however, its not like that with me. If for example i'm extremely content about something, i say w/e and do w/e i want without really considering much. Other times i also feel this is when i'm extremely calm. But somewhere in the middle of being extremely energized and calm, is where i find myself "weak" if you will...
On November 11 2009 07:10 BackHo wrote: There is a hot girl who works at a Chinese takeaway but she is Asian and speaks very little English so our conversation is pretty much limited to I'd like fried noodles please. How do I game her with the minimal use of words?
I find it increasingly difficult to make girlfriends, especially when we have little overlaps in interests/hobbies/ways of speaking/etc (I like SC, they like online shopping). I'll say hi to plenty of girls and make chitchat (ie How was your break? What's new in life?), but there aren't any real icebreaker moments that bring us closer. What do I do?
Making chitchat isn't interesting to anyone, it's like filler talk between the real appeal of conversation. Putting some content in what you say (and maybe making it interesting from an objective stand point) helps attract others because they think you are interesting.
What qualifies the OP to start this topic besides reading a bunch of pickup forums and downloading torrents of pickup guide? I missed it in round 1 I guess.
would you consider a girl who talks to you about other guys and schoolwork as serious friend-zone? If so, there is 0 way of salvaging the situation? like theres this girl who (i think) used to be interested and i tried to play it cool and now the situation has changed to this. any advice?
On November 11 2009 10:34 hazelynut wrote: I find it increasingly difficult to make girlfriends, especially when we have little overlaps in interests/hobbies/ways of speaking/etc (I like SC, they like online shopping). I'll say hi to plenty of girls and make chitchat (ie How was your break? What's new in life?), but there aren't any real icebreaker moments that bring us closer. What do I do?
Find girls that do share something with you. Or, if you're in it just for the sex, ask them for that.
Ah this is one sticky situation. I have found myself in a similar sticky sitation in which one of my crazy ex girlfriends dated this guy, who I started being friends with after (because he hung out with my friends). Well anyways he turned out to be an abusive psychotic who is both physically and emotionally abusive with an attempt of suicide and threats and yadda yadda. So what does she do? She stays with him, and still tries to date me. I stopped talking to her all together, because she is obviously fucked for wanting to be with the shithead.
Don't get me wrong, I tried to convince her many, many times not to be with the asshole but you just cant reason with unreasonable people.
RE: The topic is about me and others giving advice. I'm not going to sit there and try to convince people that I am a ladies man or whatever, that would get me trolled alot worse. I would rather just share my knowledge and let my words show my experience.
----------------------------------------- Original Message: How come you won't answer any questions regarding why you are suited to give out this advice? Are you keyboard jockey or something?
I am seriously curious dude.
*-.-*-.-*-.-*-.-*-.-*-.-*-.-*-.-*-.-*-.-*-.-*-.-*
For those who keep asking me to post my credentials about being a pickup artist or master ladiesman: I am not willing to type out stories that make me sound like I'm anything special. First of all, the people asking would just say yeah right, thus wasting my time. I do date women, I have experienced some shit with women, and I do believe I have knowledge that some may find useful in their own dating life.
I guess you can say I'm an attractive guy, but I am a bigtime nerd who once had some serious social awkwardness. I love starcraft. It frustrates me to hear about smart people who have a horrible social/dating life, when they WANT to date women and enjoy themselves. Being a nerd doesn't even hurt you, once you are comfortable you can use it to your ADVANTAGE!
On another note, I believe there is alot of great content in this topic so far. More people are stepping up and sharing their opinions and knowldge and I actually agree with alot of the advice for the most part. There also seems to be more descriptive questions, and it is also pretty cool that a guy from an attraction website came on here to check it out.
On November 11 2009 13:51 bloopie wrote: would you consider a girl who talks to you about other guys and schoolwork as serious friend-zone? If so, there is 0 way of salvaging the situation? like theres this girl who (i think) used to be interested and i tried to play it cool and now the situation has changed to this. any advice?
It's hard to say just seeing it on paper. Looking at the basic facts, yes, she is in the friend-zone with you. However, it could be evidence of quite the opposite - I knew one girl who would talk about her ex-boyfriend, guys she knows now, and random shit that wasn't really going anywhere BECAUSE she liked me and was scared to show it, so she talked about things that would convince me that our relationship was platonic. Just as a side note, she did that to me because I did the same to her and thus neither of us knew for sure we had feelings for each other. Lesson from that is that you have to open up to the other person and let them know how you feel at the risk of losing them, because if you hold it in forever you will never be truly happy even if you are friends. When the aforementioned girl opened up to me, it was too late, and it was very sad ):
If you think she had feelings for you in the past, it's still uncertain what the situation is currently based just on what you said. Has she given up completely and likes someone else now? Or does she still like you but is afraid to show it, knowing that you don't like her? Either way, I think the best solution is to test her - be a little more flirtatious, tease a little, and see how she responds to it. If she responds with laughter and smiles and pushes you back and stuff, she still has feelings for you. If she responds negatively to it, she is probably still harboring bad memories of how she liked you before and you didn't do anything about it.
So, to summarize, the situation you are in is a murky one and it's hard to tell what's what, especially from an outsider's perspective. You should try and judge her feelings for yourself, and test them with one of the approaches I mentioned (flirting/slow approach, or being open and direct about it). It's hard to tell you which one is the best solution for you, because I don't know you, and I don't know her, and I don't know the relationship you two have. So, think about it for a while and then do what you think is best, and know that if it doesn't work out, you've learned something new for the next girl you encounter (:
On November 11 2009 10:34 hazelynut wrote: I find it increasingly difficult to make girlfriends, especially when we have little overlaps in interests/hobbies/ways of speaking/etc (I like SC, they like online shopping). I'll say hi to plenty of girls and make chitchat (ie How was your break? What's new in life?), but there aren't any real icebreaker moments that bring us closer. What do I do?
Find girls that do share something with you. Or, if you're in it just for the sex, ask them for that.
looooooooooooooool
guess you just have to show that you're in it for the sex then
Oops, i just went ahead and did it (without reading the thread) - I knew she liked Asian food so i was like "I am heading to this awesome Asian place for dinner this friday, care to join me?" of course not right out of the blue, we were talking before this and she comes out with some lame excuse of "oh i dont have money right now, my mum hasnt sent me any" (we are college kids), which is total BS, cos who doesnt have like 20dollars? she still sometimes laugh when i tease her, but i think its serious f-zone. FML.
On November 12 2009 03:11 bloopie wrote: @fantacist:
Oops, i just went ahead and did it (without reading the thread) - I knew she liked Asian food so i was like "I am heading to this awesome Asian place for dinner this friday, care to join me?" of course not right out of the blue, we were talking before this and she comes out with some lame excuse of "oh i dont have money right now, my mum hasnt sent me any" (we are college kids), which is total BS, cos who doesnt have like 20dollars? she still sometimes laugh when i tease her, but i think its serious f-zone. FML.
Well that would be the right time to actually pay for the girl... I never agree to pay for a girl who hasn't given me something in return, but that is because I was never in a situation that you are in right now. Make it official, say that you will pay for her, but make it obvious that you will do so just this once because you "want someone great to share a great dinner with" or something. If she says no, then you might as well give up. If she says yes, then win and move onwards. Good luck! And remember, if things fall through, you come out a wiser man, more prepared for other women in your future.
First, I'd like to thank larjarse for his concise but quite to the point advice. I got to talk to her quite long today and she gave me a plethora of compliments. We get along great. Sad thing is though, I found out she's way younger than I thought (she looks young but she's mature in her mind and smart so I figured she was just a few years younger than me) so it wouldn't feel right... I have to start imagine her as a little sister instead lol.
On November 10 2009 02:00 Shauni wrote: So LarJarsE, I'm not a confident person and I become nervous around most girls, as if I am socially inept. I do not really wish to become the confident asshole-type you are often describing, because it doesn't fit with my personality and my values. I wouldn't mind becoming less nervous around females though, but it is probably because I rarely meet them. I know that the females I meet at parties and those I know from my male-friends usually see me as a bother or at best a nice guy they won't show any interest in. I don't wish to become an attraction magnet or a sexy alpha male with girls swarming around me, I just don't want to have only male friends. I'm not ugly, but the few times women actually approach me out of interest, they grow bored of my unresponsive ways and lack of conversation. How do I solve this without compromising myself too much?
Shauni: This post will help you.
You are asking what in a man gets a woman's attention, wether it be you out of your friends or you out of everyone on the face of the planet. Woman are attracted to men who display higher status in their social setting. If you are twiddling your thumbs with your head down wishing someone would just talk to you and accept you, that is a great way to inadvertantly tell women to stay far away.
You dont have to be a dick to display higher status. To display higher status, you just really believe that you are of high status and you are not seeking acceptance from ANYONE, because you don't have to! Dont be shy to look a female in her eyes and give her a smirk. Dont laugh at things you don't think aren't funny, and don't agree with things that you dont agree for just the hell of it. If you BELIEVE that you are going to go out, be noticed, have a good time, and get the attention from the ladies, it will HAPPEN. But you must actually BELIEVE in these things without a doubt in the process.
-----------------------------------
I made it a point to say this MAY sound assholish, but it is not. Those who are not confident don't understand what feels like to be confident and they are intimidated by the ideas. The fact is, its all in your head. With some change in perspective and some practice you CAN be confident and it will feel natural to talk to women you are attracted to aggressively.
It doesn't help me at all. I've read this thousands of times and it still feels so empty. It's always the same thing all over again: display confidence and status bla bla toy with her a bit and show her you are in control of the situation and so on. As I said I don't want to become a pick-up artist or play the game. I just wouldn't want to change my behaviour to that direction, ever. Maybe I'm in the wrong thread, I don't know. Maybe this is a pick-up artist thread.
I think fanatacist described it more accurately. I know of all these things but I still can't change the first thing, my mindset. I give up way too easily after my failures, telling myself it doesn't matter and that I don't want to socialize with women anyway. I've tried changing this, but I'm weak and stupid. Whenever I start a conversation with a new girl, the memory of my last failure is etched into my brain.
I wouldn't call myself competent enough to give love advice but what you're describing seems totally like my attitude a couple of years ago.
"I'm not ugly, but the few times women actually approach me out of interest, they grow bored of my unresponsive ways and lack of conversation."
When you meet someone new and have reason to believe you're going to meet this person again or else simply want to make a good impression most people pull out the best in themselves. They become more friendly and responsive. Most do so unconciously.
When I was younger however I didn't. I didn't want to put up an act and pretend to be someone else.
There is of course a point in that and nobody likes people who are overly friendly to everyone (because they are fake). But at the same time, if you meet someone new and they don't seem to be making an effort to try to talk to you, what would you feel/think? You'd probably think that they are either very shy or simply not interested in you as a friend or anything else. And if you see them talking to other people you would exclude the shyness possibilit and conclude that they are not interested in you.
So what are you telling the girls who try to show interest in you when you don't make a serious effort to talk to them? At least if I met a girl who didn't do that, I would conclude that she's not interested and move along.
In a club, the over-confidence display and similar things may work best. But in normal situations you don't have to act super-confident and display "higher value". At least not to just make friends. Being friendly and making an effort to get a conversation going is enough so long as the girl you're talking to is at least a bit interested in you.
The only hard part may be conversational topics. But again, if both of you are making an effort, that usually won't be a problem. And making an effort should be easy: trying to think of conversational topics and trying to pay attention to and comment on what the other person is saying. Being socially inept may be a problem at first, but if you're smart and really practice, that should fade away over the years.
Becoming friends with girls isn't that hard. They're just people. Building attraction on the other hand...
On November 12 2009 03:11 bloopie wrote: @fantacist:
Oops, i just went ahead and did it (without reading the thread) - I knew she liked Asian food so i was like "I am heading to this awesome Asian place for dinner this friday, care to join me?" of course not right out of the blue, we were talking before this and she comes out with some lame excuse of "oh i dont have money right now, my mum hasnt sent me any" (we are college kids), which is total BS, cos who doesnt have like 20dollars? she still sometimes laugh when i tease her, but i think its serious f-zone. FML.
Well that would be the right time to actually pay for the girl... I never agree to pay for a girl who hasn't given me something in return, but that is because I was never in a situation that you are in right now. Make it official, say that you will pay for her, but make it obvious that you will do so just this once because you "want someone great to share a great dinner with" or something. If she says no, then you might as well give up. If she says yes, then win and move onwards. Good luck! And remember, if things fall through, you come out a wiser man, more prepared for other women in your future.
I would have instantly said "okay, some other time then." or "get white rice or something" Agreeing to pay for her during the first date (you asked her to go out to eat, which is something I wouldnt have done, but there are exceptions.) automatically puts points toward her seeing you as a providor and a guy who is obviously intrested and is willing to pay for her attention.
BUT if you were talking about something you had to do tomorrow earlier, but you wanted to get breakfast first, then I would ask her to go out to breakfast. Breakfast is usually a small meal where its done fast, and if you two are cliqing then you will stay longer than you have to, which is good. However if theres a point where you feel you have made a good impression and its time to bail because you dont want to seem dependent on her attention, then bail out to run your errand. You look like a guy who is making moves and she will more likely take the next opportunity to hang out with her because you seem to value your time. Basically act like there are 10 other girls that you can ask to breakfast, and if she says shes busy then its alright because they are lined up.
On November 09 2009 19:55 ParasitJonte wrote: Hey, I have a serious question.
There's this smart/cute girl in my japanese class that I'm interested in. During breaks, she approaches me and talks to me and she's impressed by my language skills. Problem is, I have a hard time distinguishing whether a girl is attracted to me or just thinks good of me in general. The good old "friend-dilemma".
How do I find out the answer without asking the question straight to her face? It's also a problem that I can't get much alone time with her as all students gather together during breaks (which is when I have the most obvious opportunity to talk to her).
ParasitJonte: She approaches you... hmm.. She is obviously interested. She may not be ATTRACTED yet (but she also may aready like you, you need to read her), but she will be with a little work.
If she comes up to you, there is obviously something about you that catches her attention. Great, you already completed the first step. Now just play it cool and talk to her. Say you know that you're good and soon you'll be better than her, then grin. Just playful stuff. If you can get her laughing consistantly, then you KNOW its on.
Lol. I just have to comment on this. I didn't have to say that; she basically said so herself (that I'm better than her). I just said "thanks" with a smile and added that I think she's clever too.
How do you let someone down who likes you as more than a friend, and you just want to be friends? Moreover, how do you maintain that friendship but with distance so nothing awkward happens.
Larjarse don't respond to me as if you didn't tell me to fuck off a few pages ago. You think I want to hear your shit after you were so ignorantly aggressive to me, when I was actually helping people (and according to Shauni, more accurately nailed his problem)? Back up.
On November 12 2009 09:43 fanatacist wrote: Larjarse don't respond to me as if you didn't tell me to fuck off a few pages ago. You think I want to hear your shit after you were so ignorantly aggressive to me, when I was actually helping people (and according to Shauni, more accurately nailed his problem)? Back up.
I wrote in my first post that I probably wont agree with some of the advice people give, but I will explain why. I responded to your post because that what I said I'd do.
I made that other post about you because you did shit up the last topic, and you even said your behavior was warned.
I dont understand why idiots like fanatacist are allowed to troll all over TL just becuase they have 9k posts...alot of which are useless. Larjarse is trying to help people out. Fan created a shit storm in the first thread....and like a 7 year old girl who lost her barbie doll....is creating another shit storm in this thread because he loves the attention. Why dont mods do anything about this?
Larjarse, i think what ur doing is great. Its sad to see so many immature ass hats maybe ruin your efforts. I'm sure the people you have helped appreciate your efforts very much though
On November 12 2009 15:34 Fixed wrote: Yes his posts on page 2 of this thread are so helpful -____-
Yea, since, you know, I was never on the receiving end of that and I didn't just want to know what he thought on an issue that might be slightly out of his typical ballpark. If moderators thought my posts were inappropriate I would have been banned already. It's not like it hasn't been done before - they would ban me if they had good reason to. They don't need you to help them out, okay?
Hey larjarse would you mind sharing some stories of yourself with women? As much as your advice is appreciated, sometimes advice is too general and having actual examples of how you responded to the situation would be much more helpful. Offer goes out to others too. =)
I care about what people think of me too much. How do I..I tell myself that I don't, over and over, but I still do. If its not a situation I can prepare myself for, I'm just awkward and have nothing to say. How do I stop stifling myself, or start the process of it?
I feel like with women, I've memorized build orders. I follow them blindly and if they don't work or the game changes, I don't know what to do. They get me some wins, so I stick with them. What do I do to start the process of understanding the game? What am I not allowing myself or being honest with myself about?
LarJarse is making this more complicated than it needs to be and I would think twice before following anything he has to say. This is a personal issue and should be dealt by yourself and with people who you trust. This guy is reluctant to even talk about himself, why should he be giving advice to anyone on confidence or women?
Thanks for all the advice so far given out LarJarse/Fanatasist/all you others (especially on Shauni's issue), I've been able to use much of the information given, however I feel like I need a bit more specific advice on how to actually improve my ability to let myself go and just be myself around this girl that I sense wants more than friendship.
You see, this girl is in my class (Danish school system goes with lines-of-study which makes up classes, we're in the same line of study with about 28 other people), and I'm nearly completely positive she has a 'crush' on me. In the sense that she tends to give quite an effort to start a conversation with me, laugh at even my stupidest jokes, and there was one time where she sought out eyecontact in class holding it with me for like 5 seconds. (There's more than that, of course but it's really hard to pinpoint)
My problem is that I'm unable to let myself go and just be part of conversations with her because I'm holding myself back. Holding myself back, being afraid to just start up a conversation about something random, because I don't know how she will respond to it. I need to know if there if there are specific ways of telling yourself to just let go and sink into conversation, and also how to just in general let yourself go. (Alcohol really works great for this sometimes, but I tend to be... Less than sophisticated, you could say, and really that is not how I wanna come across) I have had this problem for as long as I remember, and it is frustrating as hell. My problem could also be described as that my brain closes down refusing to come up with conversation, when we talk, unless I have something (school work, in general) to talk about, and then it just ends up pretty damn professional. How do you guys come up with stuff to talk about when there is nothing else? Starcraft hardly qualifies as interesting and I'm not doing any sports till spring. Please tell me if there's something I need to clarify, I'll do my best, but I'm just not sure I even know what my problem is.
- doesn`t have any relationships with anyone anywhere for about 3 years, since the start of the new school ( he`s 18 now ) at school he would stay alone somewhere in the corner all the time
- at the start of the school he seemed to try to make contacts but he was awkward and he usually ended up being silent
-is almost always late for school , sleeps on most lessons and seems to not care about any marks or anything like that at all, no homework all the time, his hands are in his pockets all the time unless he sleeps, if teacher asks him anything - he ll kindly respond or give some excuse as he seems to avoid conflicts
- wears the same all-black pictureless clothes all the time for whole school year
-has either expressionless/cold or bored look on his face all the time, almost never smiles, when u try to talk to him it might be quite awkward - tho sometimes I saw him laughing for real but its rare
-when asked something - will usually give conrete answer with emotionless tone
- drinks a shitloads of coffee
- sometimes he pulls off ridicilous marks , like getting the best mark out of entire class etc , seems rly good from maths , was good from physics when we had them , writes very good compositions for language lessons, writes reading tests very good
- often has the worst possible marks
- seems to be shy as hell at times
- cheats a lot , often u ll see him writing some cribs in classroom
-he s very good at sports but usually doesn`t put any effort or doesn`t come on lesson
- has long curly blond hair , very palm skin and overally good looks
- quite a few girls liked him but never managed to establish contact with him
I never saw anything like that . I d like to hear your opinions before saying what I think about it
On November 28 2009 14:17 KurtistheTurtle wrote: I care about what people think of me too much. How do I..I tell myself that I don't, over and over, but I still do. If its not a situation I can prepare myself for, I'm just awkward and have nothing to say. How do I stop stifling myself, or start the process of it?
I feel like with women, I've memorized build orders. I follow them blindly and if they don't work or the game changes, I don't know what to do. They get me some wins, so I stick with them. What do I do to start the process of understanding the game? What am I not allowing myself or being honest with myself about?
Everyone cares about what others think of them, and the people that don't have social disorders or are street bums or something. It's important to care about what others think of you because it's supremely selfish to assume that your opinion is the only one that matters on something as important as personality. Of course you have to be happy with who you are like those self-esteem mantras teach us, but you are going to meet way more people than just yourself in your lifetime. This means that what others think of you is just as important as what you think of yourself. If you don't care about what others think, then you will likely not learn from your social mistakes ( 'party fowls' ) and will eventually ostracize yourself. It's good that you care - instead of trying to combat it, use it as your driving force. What I mean by this is, control your environment by being flexible. Although PUAs generally preach that there is some sort of uniformity between every female and every conversation which makes the same routines acceptable everywhere, I believe that is just how it is marketed to socially awkward people to make it seem 'easy' to change who you are and get laid. The real purpose of that is to force people into situations like the one you are in now, and when a person realizes that pre-written dialogue does not suffice, they have to expand beyond that. Try to have conversations that are completely unplanned and that have no 'filler' talk (hi, hi, how are you, good you, good what did you do last weekend, not much blah blah BULLSHIT). The way to do this is to take risks (kind of funny that this is how I would describe these actions, but unfortunately in modern society this is almost the case): suggest topics, make jokes, go on tangents, become animated in your actions and words... in other words be unpredictable. By trying out different things you will see what works, what doesn't, and you will be able to fine-tune your "game" while becoming more flexible in conversation. Remember, each girl is a new game of StarCraft, should have no influence on your later games and should not be affected by your previous, unless the effect is having learned something new/correcting mistakes (:
Like I said, caring about what others think is normal - it's what we do with the conclusions we have formed about the opinions of others that is the real cause for most people's problems. We can use them (the conclusions) for self-improvement, for our own benefit (misdirecting people into believing something thing about you), and for a better understanding of what leads to what in conversation and in people's minds. Others, however, become scared and put up a wall because they are afraid of these opinions - realize that those opinions are based on YOU, and therefore you have control over them by what you say and do. Because you have control over them, you should rarely have to fear them. Hope this helps. GL!
On November 29 2009 02:33 UFO wrote: I guess I can post it here , can`t I ?
What do u think about this allien guy :
- doesn`t have any relationships with anyone anywhere for about 3 years, since the start of the new school ( he`s 18 now ) at school he would stay alone somewhere in the corner all the time
- at the start of the school he seemed to try to make contacts but he was awkward and he usually ended up being silent
-is almost always late for school , sleeps on most lessons and seems to not care about any marks or anything like that at all, no homework all the time, his hands are in his pockets all the time unless he sleeps, if teacher asks him anything - he ll kindly respond or give some excuse as he seems to avoid conflicts
- wears the same all-black pictureless clothes all the time for whole school year
-has either expressionless/cold or bored look on his face all the time, almost never smiles, when u try to talk to him it might be quite awkward - tho sometimes I saw him laughing for real but its rare
-when asked something - will usually give conrete answer with emotionless tone
- drinks a shitloads of coffee
- sometimes he pulls off ridicilous marks , like getting the best mark out of entire class etc , seems rly good from maths , was good from physics when we had them , writes very good compositions for language lessons, writes reading tests very good
- often has the worst possible marks
- seems to be shy as hell at times
- cheats a lot , often u ll see him writing some cribs in classroom
-he s very good at sports but usually doesn`t put any effort or doesn`t come on lesson
- has long curly blond hair , very palm skin and overally good looks
- quite a few girls liked him but never managed to establish contact with him
I never saw anything like that . I d like to hear your opinions before saying what I think about it
oh man, that's EDWARD CULLEN !!!
On a serious note. He might be depressed or something, dunno
On November 29 2009 01:05 Lovin wrote: Thanks for all the advice so far given out LarJarse/Fanatasist/all you others (especially on Shauni's issue), I've been able to use much of the information given, however I feel like I need a bit more specific advice on how to actually improve my ability to let myself go and just be myself around this girl that I sense wants more than friendship.
You see, this girl is in my class (Danish school system goes with lines-of-study which makes up classes, we're in the same line of study with about 28 other people), and I'm nearly completely positive she has a 'crush' on me. In the sense that she tends to give quite an effort to start a conversation with me, laugh at even my stupidest jokes, and there was one time where she sought out eyecontact in class holding it with me for like 5 seconds. (There's more than that, of course but it's really hard to pinpoint)
My problem is that I'm unable to let myself go and just be part of conversations with her because I'm holding myself back. Holding myself back, being afraid to just start up a conversation about something random, because I don't know how she will respond to it. I need to know if there if there are specific ways of telling yourself to just let go and sink into conversation, and also how to just in general let yourself go. (Alcohol really works great for this sometimes, but I tend to be... Less than sophisticated, you could say, and really that is not how I wanna come across) I have had this problem for as long as I remember, and it is frustrating as hell. My problem could also be described as that my brain closes down refusing to come up with conversation, when we talk, unless I have something (school work, in general) to talk about, and then it just ends up pretty damn professional. How do you guys come up with stuff to talk about when there is nothing else? Starcraft hardly qualifies as interesting and I'm not doing any sports till spring. Please tell me if there's something I need to clarify, I'll do my best, but I'm just not sure I even know what my problem is.
Simple philosophy that answers your question: if you aren't being yourself, she doesn't like YOU. She likes who she thinks you are. If your goal is to ultimately go out with her, then you have to take the risk to be yourself (with some finesse at first, of course, but still yourself). Sure you might not get anything out of it if it turns out she had misconceptions about you, but most of the time the things that people try to hold back because they are shy or embarrassed are what makes us more interesting/unique to others, especially girls who already have an interest in you. By being yourself in conversation and not holding yourself back, you will have the comfort of feeling free with her, free to say anything and free to be yourself. She already likes you, so clearly you are doing something right. If she doesn't know you well enough for you to be comfortable talking to her about anything, that means she probably likes you without knowing THAT much about you. Telling her more through your conversations and actions can make her like you even more (: When people open up to each other, that's how 'love' happens. Complete acceptance of one another is rare and it manifests only after a risk is taken, and that risk is opening yourself up. If she likes you still/more, then you win, you don't have to do anything but be yourself and maybe a little extra romantic/nice to her (which should come naturally through mutual feelings). If she doesn't like you after this risk, then she was a superficial bitch and is not the right one for you (or you have some sort of violent animal fetish or other similar setback that may throw a few straight-laced people off, but these can usually be fixed).
Something to talk about? I talk about more intricate things with a girl I already know when there is no apparent topic or when we've exhausted the typical ice-breaker conversations most people have. What I mean by that is, talk about something that requires more than the basic one-step linear thinking process (subject -> opinion). I ask what she thinks about something (not abortion or religion or anything heavy like that), like about modern music and where it's going, people and their tendencies/trends and what she thinks about them (there are SO many subjects you can address here... social awkwardness is a good one [especially for you, tell her you think people should be more open with each other and not fear judgment, that will make it easier for both of you to open up to each other I think (: ]), what her interests are and WHY, etc. etc. Conversations on this foundation will bring you closer because you find out more about each other on a deeper level than what your favorite band or color is, and its frankly quite rare to have conversations on this level. This makes your relationship a little bit more special.
Most importantly, remember that she already likes you, so the chances of you fucking up and ruining it are LOWER because she is inherently more willing to accept whatever little quirks you're afraid of showing. You don't need luck (:
EDIT: Sorry about the amount of parentheses lol can't really organize my thoughts too well, just woke up from drinking/smoking.
On November 29 2009 02:33 UFO wrote: I guess I can post it here , can`t I ?
What do u think about this allien guy :
- doesn`t have any relationships with anyone anywhere for about 3 years, since the start of the new school ( he`s 18 now ) at school he would stay alone somewhere in the corner all the time
- at the start of the school he seemed to try to make contacts but he was awkward and he usually ended up being silent
-is almost always late for school , sleeps on most lessons and seems to not care about any marks or anything like that at all, no homework all the time, his hands are in his pockets all the time unless he sleeps, if teacher asks him anything - he ll kindly respond or give some excuse as he seems to avoid conflicts
- wears the same all-black pictureless clothes all the time for whole school year
-has either expressionless/cold or bored look on his face all the time, almost never smiles, when u try to talk to him it might be quite awkward - tho sometimes I saw him laughing for real but its rare
-when asked something - will usually give conrete answer with emotionless tone
- drinks a shitloads of coffee
- sometimes he pulls off ridicilous marks , like getting the best mark out of entire class etc , seems rly good from maths , was good from physics when we had them , writes very good compositions for language lessons, writes reading tests very good
- often has the worst possible marks
- seems to be shy as hell at times
- cheats a lot , often u ll see him writing some cribs in classroom
-he s very good at sports but usually doesn`t put any effort or doesn`t come on lesson
- has long curly blond hair , very palm skin and overally good looks
- quite a few girls liked him but never managed to establish contact with him
I never saw anything like that . I d like to hear your opinions before saying what I think about it
Sounds like a byproduct of low self-esteem and strict parenting. Needs to open up to people more and be more confident in himself, needs to know that people can like him for who he is, etc. Is not good at adapting to a new atmosphere. Maybe had some bad experiences in the past. The main problem is that he is afraid to socialize because he thinks he is bad at it, which makes him worse at it over time because he does so little of it. These are pretty common problems, unfortunate that he has them to such an apparently high degree. Approach him and befriend him, then tell him these things, if you deem it appropriate/if you want to help. If he writes you off and doesn't listen, that's his loss, and he will have to live through life eventually learning through his own mistakes not the mistakes of others.
On November 29 2009 01:05 Lovin wrote: Thanks for all the advice so far given out LarJarse/Fanatasist/all you others (especially on Shauni's issue), I've been able to use much of the information given, however I feel like I need a bit more specific advice on how to actually improve my ability to let myself go and just be myself around this girl that I sense wants more than friendship.
You see, this girl is in my class (Danish school system goes with lines-of-study which makes up classes, we're in the same line of study with about 28 other people), and I'm nearly completely positive she has a 'crush' on me. In the sense that she tends to give quite an effort to start a conversation with me, laugh at even my stupidest jokes, and there was one time where she sought out eyecontact in class holding it with me for like 5 seconds. (There's more than that, of course but it's really hard to pinpoint)
My problem is that I'm unable to let myself go and just be part of conversations with her because I'm holding myself back. Holding myself back, being afraid to just start up a conversation about something random, because I don't know how she will respond to it. I need to know if there if there are specific ways of telling yourself to just let go and sink into conversation, and also how to just in general let yourself go. (Alcohol really works great for this sometimes, but I tend to be... Less than sophisticated, you could say, and really that is not how I wanna come across) I have had this problem for as long as I remember, and it is frustrating as hell. My problem could also be described as that my brain closes down refusing to come up with conversation, when we talk, unless I have something (school work, in general) to talk about, and then it just ends up pretty damn professional. How do you guys come up with stuff to talk about when there is nothing else? Starcraft hardly qualifies as interesting and I'm not doing any sports till spring. Please tell me if there's something I need to clarify, I'll do my best, but I'm just not sure I even know what my problem is.
Simple philosophy that answers your question: if you aren't being yourself, she doesn't like YOU. She likes who she thinks you are. If your goal is to ultimately go out with her, then you have to take the risk to be yourself (with some finesse at first, of course, but still yourself). Sure you might not get anything out of it if it turns out she had misconceptions about you, but most of the time the things that people try to hold back because they are shy or embarrassed are what makes us more interesting/unique to others, especially girls who already have an interest in you. By being yourself in conversation and not holding yourself back, you will have the comfort of feeling free with her, free to say anything and free to be yourself. She already likes you, so clearly you are doing something right. If she doesn't know you well enough for you to be comfortable talking to her about anything, that means she probably likes you without knowing THAT much about you. Telling her more through your conversations and actions can make her like you even more (: When people open up to each other, that's how 'love' happens. Complete acceptance of one another is rare and it manifests only after a risk is taken, and that risk is opening yourself up. If she likes you still/more, then you win, you don't have to do anything but be yourself and maybe a little extra romantic/nice to her (which should come naturally through mutual feelings). If she doesn't like you after this risk, then she was a superficial bitch and is not the right one for you (or you have some sort of violent animal fetish or other similar setback that may throw a few straight-laced people off, but these can usually be fixed).
Something to talk about? I talk about more intricate things with a girl I already know when there is no apparent topic or when we've exhausted the typical ice-breaker conversations most people have. What I mean by that is, talk about something that requires more than the basic one-step linear thinking process (subject -> opinion). I ask what she thinks about something (not abortion or religion or anything heavy like that), like about modern music and where it's going, people and their tendencies/trends and what she thinks about them (there are SO many subjects you can address here... social awkwardness is a good one [especially for you, tell her you think people should be more open with each other and not fear judgment, that will make it easier for both of you to open up to each other I think (: ]), what her interests are and WHY, etc. etc. Conversations on this foundation will bring you closer because you find out more about each other on a deeper level than what your favorite band or color is, and its frankly quite rare to have conversations on this level. This makes your relationship a little bit more special.
Most importantly, remember that she already likes you, so the chances of you fucking up and ruining it are LOWER because she is inherently more willing to accept whatever little quirks you're afraid of showing. You don't need luck (:
EDIT: Sorry about the amount of parentheses lol can't really organize my thoughts too well, just woke up from drinking/smoking.
Thanks Fanata! You've always been my favorite poster
alright, heres a situation for the love gods to decipher: theres this girl, whom i have some often but superficial contact with. but she always says hi to me first when we meet, so i aint sure if its just being friendly or what. anyway, she has been asking to drink/hang out with me for a couple of weeks, but i put it off till yesterday. It should be a clear indication of interest but i'm not sure if shes just bored and want to do something else other than studying. and while drinking yesterday, she suddenly blurted about her ex-bfs, and how she was being controlled and ended up breaking up, and then suddenly we swapped some sexploits of ours. but then she suddenly started talking about a potential bf she was texting and about how he seems to be taking it slow... what am i to think of this?
here's my guide 1 go to parties a lot, if you have trouble finding good parties just get friends that like to drink, if you have trouble with this join a student organisation (read: frat, but you want to do this anyway since frats are fucking awesome) 2 just look around and if a chick looks at you and smile just say 'hi how are you doing' 3 make out, i usually pick the point at which i run out of stuff to say, which is usually about 2 minutes for me lol 4 sex, preferably at her place so you can sneak out in the morning and dont have to wash your sheets, also have a condom in your wallet at all times because lol i know some idiots who dont and ended up getting some disease
On November 09 2009 14:59 NeverGG wrote: Any tips for avoiding being hit on by taxi drivers who are old enough to be your father? Also tips on looking less Russian/French and more advice on how to deal with handling hot stuff (aka. ForGG.) and potentially the attention of someone who resembles a zergling.
If you want to scare off men just wear a bodywarmer.
On November 11 2009 12:53 fanatacist wrote: Making chitchat isn't interesting to anyone, it's like filler talk between the real appeal of conversation. Putting some content in what you say (and maybe making it interesting from an objective stand point) helps attract others because they think you are interesting.
This is probably somewhat true but you're basically telling someone to be a better talker, not very concrete advice.
On November 28 2009 14:17 KurtistheTurtle wrote: I care about what people think of me too much. How do I..I tell myself that I don't, over and over, but I still do. If its not a situation I can prepare myself for, I'm just awkward and have nothing to say. How do I stop stifling myself, or start the process of it?
I feel like with women, I've memorized build orders. I follow them blindly and if they don't work or the game changes, I don't know what to do. They get me some wins, so I stick with them. What do I do to start the process of understanding the game? What am I not allowing myself or being honest with myself about?
About the roommates gf post, i got a similar situation, i found my black roommates neurotic white gf (nice tits and legs) crying and i guess he was breaking up because it was long distance and she was too clingy. Well, i like clingy girls because they are phreaky in bed, i found her a ride to the trainstation and ended up making out with her that night. She did not want to fuck me in the dorm room where her new ex was sleeping, but i insisted that she should take revenge on him. See, girls like her and the girl you are discribing are simply too young and inexperienced to know what she wants, and guess what your youth and inexperience makes you! They also tend to internalize problems in the relationship. Similarly, i think the nerds on this site who got rejected by women think that it is their OWN fault, whiel the truth is that you and her simply did not click. Those of you who think you are not attractive enough, maybe you should lower your standards and date someone within your league.... For example fat chicks need love too, and guess what you gonna marry fatso! Kurtis, remember what we talked about zoning out. Yeah, you and i share that. You just have to be charismatic and focus on her instead of how you feel in the situation. "What am I not allowing myself or being honest with myself about?" what do you mean? LarJarsE: So I got a fucking situation right now... Larjarse, you may recall i was into some girl and did like every thing to impress her... Well she told me the other day how we have to be friends, bla bla bla, so i suggested we should just not see each other, but she said we should still hang out, i said ok, how about you come to my place and have tea. I pretty much decided to switch to someone else, as i thought by dropping the f bomb, she was giving me the polite boot... Well, i was watching WCG final on a school comp lab, when i met this artsy fartsy girl. She invited me to her dorm room for tea (4am after wcg finals) and read me some very erotic poetry she wrote. She ended up in my lap making out that night, just one day after the previous girl dropped the f bomb.... I invited the artsy one over for dinner on Sunday, but i get a call from the previous gal. I facebook chatted her on wcg final dayand she thought i was sarcastic when i told her how my market value increases as i approach 30, and hers decreases at the same rate, so i cannot blame her for ending up on the friend side. Anyway, she was very upset and said i read things into what she said, but i do not know how i can misunderstand when she DID say we have to be friends.... She told me how it takes time for her, and she feels like she barely knows me. Funny thing is, i have been seeing her since august, and i open up to her way more often, so yeah she knows way more about me than i know about her. So we are to meet again on tuesday, and it sounds like she wants me( this girl never had a bf or even a kiss). So the artsy girl comes by, and again we slip tongue, but she tells me she is a virgin.... But what is really fucked up, when i was sucking on her titties, she like squirted some tasteless, acidic liquid into my mouth.. can she do that without being pregnant? She does sound and act like a virgin, but what if she simply wants me to shag her so that she can say i knocked her up...????????? And what to do with the other girl who claims to want to be friends, but insists on seeing me and getting to know me better.... Wow.... wtf? advice, thoughts??? Also, uhm, the reason why i like prostitutes is because it is easy to convince them to play dead while i have sex with them. How do i communicate it to a gf that i am a necrophiliac?
This is my objection to this thread: Most of the advice basically comes down to stuff that seems completely unnatural to the person asking the question, and the person will probably end up not really applying it anyway. You guys are telling people how to act, this is not how you're gonna change anyone's behavior. If you want to see change give advice that puts them in situations at which point everything takes care of itself, like joining a club or something. Situations shape people, not telling people how to behave, which is just gonna end up looking really awkward.
I mean, most of the advice makes sense here, but it's not gonna get anyone laid if you ask me. But hey I'm just the guy who consistently scores A's in social psych / group dynamics!
edit: Also I guarantee that you are not too ugly to date/get laid lol, if you answered this on the poll as to why you are having trouble with chicks you are just plain wrong, this is never the issue. This is an excuse, not a problem.
Also, I am not trolling.... Here is my take on things: I once chatted with a college professor, a black woman who was a psych doctoral laureate. I wanted to know the key to her success, she had great disadvantages due to her gender AND race. She told me this: "people always want what they cant have" That is sooo true in every aspect of human life! So like, you want the blonde cheerleader and you get hit on by a walrus, but who do you end up with? A girl just like you, who vacillates between the alpha male whose cock she would suck at an instant and the loser idiot who tries to kiss her at a party when drunk. Between Romeo and Juliet and Midsummer Nights Dream, the latter depicts the truth of romantic interactions more fully and accurately! there is another strategy that worked for me and LarjarsE did not mention: this only works if you mean it, but if you find a girl incredibly beautiful you should SAY that and show interest. she will mock you, test you but you will persist and WIN her. like that idiot in every girls favorite The Notebook. He build a freaking house for her, that is commitment! So eventually she settles with the provider after all. just like in mid summer nights dream the couples are formed pretty much within each others league. Another great movie that shows the power of persistance is the Graduate, one of the best fucking movies made. Here is a scene from it that speaks for itself, no knowledge of the plot is necessary. the good part starts at 1:50 :
I am fine with conversation once the ball gets rolling, but I fail in the aspect of getting the opening topic started. there any general conversation starters you use? Perhaps a few you use at parties, around school, etc.
I understand setting has a lot to do with it, but in certain places, such as the grocery store, it is tough to get something going by asking about things such as food items :p
edit: That is if you are still reading this post from the beginning of the month
On November 29 2009 09:58 Carthac wrote: Hello Larjarse!
I am fine with conversation once the ball gets rolling, but I fail in the aspect of getting the opening topic started. there any general conversation starters you use? Perhaps a few you use at parties, around school, etc.
I understand setting has a lot to do with it, but in certain places, such as the grocery store, it is tough to get something going by asking about things such as food items :p
'Hi, how are you doing.'
Im serious, 'hi' has been scientifically proven to be the best opener for conversations.
On November 29 2009 09:58 Carthac wrote: Hello Larjarse!
I am fine with conversation once the ball gets rolling, but I fail in the aspect of getting the opening topic started. there any general conversation starters you use? Perhaps a few you use at parties, around school, etc.
I understand setting has a lot to do with it, but in certain places, such as the grocery store, it is tough to get something going by asking about things such as food items :p
'Hi, how are you doing.'
Im serious, 'hi' has been scientifically proven to be the best opener for conversations.
hahaha, i am not sure that is what he meant by opener, i think he wants an attention grabber. I think anything works if you show by your inuendo and tone that u are interested in getting to know her.
On November 29 2009 09:58 Carthac wrote: Hello Larjarse!
I am fine with conversation once the ball gets rolling, but I fail in the aspect of getting the opening topic started. there any general conversation starters you use? Perhaps a few you use at parties, around school, etc.
I understand setting has a lot to do with it, but in certain places, such as the grocery store, it is tough to get something going by asking about things such as food items :p
'Hi, how are you doing.'
Im serious, 'hi' has been scientifically proven to be the best opener for conversations.
I guess you like saying "hi" then leading into an uncomfortable silence lol
On November 29 2009 09:58 Carthac wrote: Hello Larjarse!
I am fine with conversation once the ball gets rolling, but I fail in the aspect of getting the opening topic started. there any general conversation starters you use? Perhaps a few you use at parties, around school, etc.
I understand setting has a lot to do with it, but in certain places, such as the grocery store, it is tough to get something going by asking about things such as food items :p
'Hi, how are you doing.'
Im serious, 'hi' has been scientifically proven to be the best opener for conversations.
I guess you like saying "hi" then leading into an uncomfortable silence lol
If uncomfortable silences are the problem I don't see how advice on what to talk about are going to help, even if you think of things to keep the conversation going it's still gonna feel unnatural and awkward imo, because most of her answers are going to be short and uninteresting no matter what you're talking about. You said that once the conversation gets going you're fine, this is stating the obvious since if the conversation gets going you've already achieved your goal.
I could tell you to ask her where she's from, what she studies etc but these things are obvious. If you want to be the kind of guy who picks up chicks at the grocery store you're gonna have to change. To achieve this you're better off getting drunk, going to some party and talking to chicks till it feels natural. All you have to do to achieve this once or twice every week:
1. Find out where a party is. 2. Show up at friends with a case of beer (grolsch or heineken, anything else is unacceptable) 3. Drink beers but for gods sake not to the point of vomiting. 4. Go to party (at around 12 or 1 am).
------- edit:
If you want to see what happens if you act as something that feels completely unnatural just look at this:
You don't have to speak dutch to understand, at ~1:00 the chicks are supposed to judge on looks, not a single chick is interested just because he walked in like a douche, and that's how you will look if you try to initiate some kind of pickup schedule or whatever without the experience.
On November 29 2009 09:58 Carthac wrote: Hello Larjarse!
I am fine with conversation once the ball gets rolling, but I fail in the aspect of getting the opening topic started. there any general conversation starters you use? Perhaps a few you use at parties, around school, etc.
I understand setting has a lot to do with it, but in certain places, such as the grocery store, it is tough to get something going by asking about things such as food items :p
'Hi, how are you doing.'
Im serious, 'hi' has been scientifically proven to be the best opener for conversations.
I guess you like saying "hi" then leading into an uncomfortable silence lol
If uncomfortable silences are the problem I don't see how advice on what to talk about are going to help, even if you think of things to keep the conversation going it's still gonna feel unnatural and awkward imo, because most of her answers are going to be short and uninteresting no matter what you're talking about. You said that once the conversation gets going you're fine, this is stating the obvious since if the conversation gets going you've already achieved your goal.
I could tell you to ask her where she's from, what she studies etc but these things are obvious. If you want to be the kind of guy who picks up chicks at the grocery store you're gonna have to change. To achieve this you're better off getting drunk, going to some party and talking to chicks till it feels natural. All you have to do to achieve this once or twice every week:
1. Find out where a party is. 2. Show up at friends with a case of beer (grolsch or heineken, anything else is unacceptable) 3. Drink beers but for gods sake not to the point of vomiting. 4. Go to party (at around 12 or 1 am).
------- edit:
If you want to see what happens if you act as something that feels completely unnatural just look at this:
You don't have to speak dutch to understand, at ~1:00 the chicks are supposed to judge on looks, not a single chick is interested just because he walked in like a douche, and that's how you will look if you try to initiate some kind of pickup schedule or whatever without the experience.
I like your satirical take on this thread. Notice how girls looked around and adjusted their vote accordingly, so like if one girl has an extremely aproving or disaproving attitude towards you, the others quickly follow
On November 29 2009 09:58 Carthac wrote: Hello Larjarse!
I am fine with conversation once the ball gets rolling, but I fail in the aspect of getting the opening topic started. there any general conversation starters you use? Perhaps a few you use at parties, around school, etc.
I understand setting has a lot to do with it, but in certain places, such as the grocery store, it is tough to get something going by asking about things such as food items :p
'Hi, how are you doing.'
Im serious, 'hi' has been scientifically proven to be the best opener for conversations.
I guess you like saying "hi" then leading into an uncomfortable silence lol
If uncomfortable silences are the problem I don't see how advice on what to talk about are going to help, even if you think of things to keep the conversation going it's still gonna feel unnatural and awkward imo, because most of her answers are going to be short and uninteresting no matter what you're talking about. You said that once the conversation gets going you're fine, this is stating the obvious since if the conversation gets going you've already achieved your goal.
I could tell you to ask her where she's from, what she studies etc but these things are obvious. If you want to be the kind of guy who picks up chicks at the grocery store you're gonna have to change. To achieve this you're better off getting drunk, going to some party and talking to chicks till it feels natural. All you have to do to achieve this once or twice every week:
1. Find out where a party is. 2. Show up at friends with a case of beer (grolsch or heineken, anything else is unacceptable) 3. Drink beers but for gods sake not to the point of vomiting. 4. Go to party (at around 12 or 1 am).
------- edit:
If you want to see what happens if you act as something that feels completely unnatural just look at this:
You don't have to speak dutch to understand, at ~1:00 the chicks are supposed to judge on looks, not a single chick is interested just because he walked in like a douche, and that's how you will look if you try to initiate some kind of pickup schedule or whatever without the experience.
Yep, I understand all of that...
My question was more of topics to begin talking about. Ex: She has a dog, so ask what type it is.
I was talking about the uncomfortable silence part in the response since you posted "start with hi."
Guy has a decent paying job (250K+) and is a few years post-college. His job requires long hours at work on the weekdays and unpredictable weekend work. His relationships, since high school, have been fairly superficial (longest: 2 months) and he has generally broken off his relationships before they have gotten too personal.
He's unclear why he has hesitations about taking relationships to the next level, both physically and emotionally, and it isn't helped by the fact that the majority of girls he's dated since he's graduated have been secretaries/support staff. It is also not helpful that he finds gaming more interesting than going shopping or walking around the pier. How should this guy widen his social circle, find someone who understands the fun in gaming, and/or get more comfortable with commitment?
On November 29 2009 09:58 Carthac wrote: Hello Larjarse!
I am fine with conversation once the ball gets rolling, but I fail in the aspect of getting the opening topic started. there any general conversation starters you use? Perhaps a few you use at parties, around school, etc.
I understand setting has a lot to do with it, but in certain places, such as the grocery store, it is tough to get something going by asking about things such as food items :p
'Hi, how are you doing.'
Im serious, 'hi' has been scientifically proven to be the best opener for conversations.
I guess you like saying "hi" then leading into an uncomfortable silence lol
If uncomfortable silences are the problem I don't see how advice on what to talk about are going to help, even if you think of things to keep the conversation going it's still gonna feel unnatural and awkward imo, because most of her answers are going to be short and uninteresting no matter what you're talking about. You said that once the conversation gets going you're fine, this is stating the obvious since if the conversation gets going you've already achieved your goal.
I could tell you to ask her where she's from, what she studies etc but these things are obvious. If you want to be the kind of guy who picks up chicks at the grocery store you're gonna have to change. To achieve this you're better off getting drunk, going to some party and talking to chicks till it feels natural. All you have to do to achieve this once or twice every week:
1. Find out where a party is. 2. Show up at friends with a case of beer (grolsch or heineken, anything else is unacceptable) 3. Drink beers but for gods sake not to the point of vomiting. 4. Go to party (at around 12 or 1 am).
------- edit:
If you want to see what happens if you act as something that feels completely unnatural just look at this:
You don't have to speak dutch to understand, at ~1:00 the chicks are supposed to judge on looks, not a single chick is interested just because he walked in like a douche, and that's how you will look if you try to initiate some kind of pickup schedule or whatever without the experience.
Yep, I understand all of that...
My question was more of topics to begin talking about. Ex: She has a dog, so ask what type it is.
I was talking about the uncomfortable silence part in the response since you posted "start with hi."
Yeah and Im saying that if those questions and topics don't come natural don't even try, nothing that someone over the internet will say is going to help, be more sociable in general, which will give you an idea of what to talk about. If you're gonna use our advice you'll just be reciting a list. I think you're gonna have to accept that some chicks won't be interested in you no no matter what you do. Imagine you're some chick and a guy comes up to you, are you really going to care about how he starts a conversation with you? It doesn't matter dude, you are who you are, increase your chances of meeting someone by meeting more people, not by becoming better at it.
My whole point here is that this thread should be about doing things that enables you to meet more people, which is the indirect approach. I don't claim to be some pickup expert, because I'm not, I'm probably like a lot of people here, which is why you should listen to me, and not people who claim to be pickup experts.
On November 29 2009 09:58 Carthac wrote: Hello Larjarse!
I am fine with conversation once the ball gets rolling, but I fail in the aspect of getting the opening topic started. there any general conversation starters you use? Perhaps a few you use at parties, around school, etc.
I understand setting has a lot to do with it, but in certain places, such as the grocery store, it is tough to get something going by asking about things such as food items :p
'Hi, how are you doing.'
Im serious, 'hi' has been scientifically proven to be the best opener for conversations.
I guess you like saying "hi" then leading into an uncomfortable silence lol
If uncomfortable silences are the problem I don't see how advice on what to talk about are going to help, even if you think of things to keep the conversation going it's still gonna feel unnatural and awkward imo, because most of her answers are going to be short and uninteresting no matter what you're talking about. You said that once the conversation gets going you're fine, this is stating the obvious since if the conversation gets going you've already achieved your goal.
I could tell you to ask her where she's from, what she studies etc but these things are obvious. If you want to be the kind of guy who picks up chicks at the grocery store you're gonna have to change. To achieve this you're better off getting drunk, going to some party and talking to chicks till it feels natural. All you have to do to achieve this once or twice every week:
1. Find out where a party is. 2. Show up at friends with a case of beer (grolsch or heineken, anything else is unacceptable) 3. Drink beers but for gods sake not to the point of vomiting. 4. Go to party (at around 12 or 1 am).
------- edit:
If you want to see what happens if you act as something that feels completely unnatural just look at this:
You don't have to speak dutch to understand, at ~1:00 the chicks are supposed to judge on looks, not a single chick is interested just because he walked in like a douche, and that's how you will look if you try to initiate some kind of pickup schedule or whatever without the experience.
I like your satirical take on this thread. Notice how girls looked around and adjusted their vote accordingly, so like if one girl has an extremely aproving or disaproving attitude towards you, the others quickly follow
haha yeah, perfect example of why you need a wingman
I realize that I am playing devil's advocate here since Im not telling people what they want to hear, which incidentally is why the self proclaimed pickup experts are usually so popular. All Im trying to do however is show people a more objective view on the whole thing. Im sure the 'experts' have the best intentions, but you should wonder if their advice is really compatible with you.
On November 29 2009 09:16 iloveambiguity wrote: Also, uhm, the reason why i like prostitutes is because it is easy to convince them to play dead while i have sex with them. How do i communicate it to a gf that i am a necrophiliac?
Hahahahaha, this had me laughing for a minute straight after reading the rest of the post.
On November 28 2009 23:15 Emon_ wrote: LarJarse is making this more complicated than it needs to be and I would think twice before following anything he has to say. This is a personal issue and should be dealt by yourself and with people who you trust. This guy is reluctant to even talk about himself, why should he be giving advice to anyone on confidence or women?
How am I making it complicated? If people want to ask a question they can ask, it is very straightforward. Due to the nature of this website, I wont post stories or anything about myself because I will be wasting my time. There will be more trolls than people interested and the topic wont even be worth reading. Some people have PMed me and I did relate some of their experiences to experiences I have had. I will be more personal in am PM if I can tell the person messaging me is being real; they are generally more specific. If you want to participate, please do, but don't waste your time just to debunk the entire discussion.
On November 29 2009 09:16 iloveambiguity wrote: Also, uhm, the reason why i like prostitutes is because it is easy to convince them to play dead while i have sex with them. How do i communicate it to a gf that i am a necrophiliac?
Hahahahaha, this had me laughing for a minute straight after reading the rest of the post.
I am really not joking. I tried to talk to a psychologist, but we never resolved my problem to stare into mirrors all the time, let alone my necrophilia.
On November 29 2009 09:16 iloveambiguity wrote: Also, uhm, the reason why i like prostitutes is because it is easy to convince them to play dead while i have sex with them. How do i communicate it to a gf that i am a necrophiliac?
Hahahahaha, this had me laughing for a minute straight after reading the rest of the post.
I am really not joking. I tried to talk to a psychologist, but we never resolved my problem to stare into mirrors all the time, let alone my necrophilia.
On November 29 2009 09:16 iloveambiguity wrote: Also, uhm, the reason why i like prostitutes is because it is easy to convince them to play dead while i have sex with them. How do i communicate it to a gf that i am a necrophiliac?
Hahahahaha, this had me laughing for a minute straight after reading the rest of the post.
I am really not joking. I tried to talk to a psychologist, but we never resolved my problem to stare into mirrors all the time, let alone my necrophilia.
I thought TL was against trolls?
I am not trolling... This is actually my question. How can u convince your gf to have sex with you while remaining inanimate? All i see is that she would freak and dump.
On November 29 2009 09:16 iloveambiguity wrote: Also, uhm, the reason why i like prostitutes is because it is easy to convince them to play dead while i have sex with them. How do i communicate it to a gf that i am a necrophiliac?
Hahahahaha, this had me laughing for a minute straight after reading the rest of the post.
I am really not joking. I tried to talk to a psychologist, but we never resolved my problem to stare into mirrors all the time, let alone my necrophilia.
I thought TL was against trolls?
I am not trolling... This is actually my question. How can u convince your gf to have sex with you while remaining inanimate? All i see is that she would freak and dump.
Ever read Jonathan Franzen's The Corrections?
There is a character in there who will only have sex with his wife is she is like this. She complies.
Edit : Not that it really helps you, but stuff like this happens. Whether he is trolling or not is a different story. (Also, it's due to some dominance/sexual repression issue).
On November 29 2009 09:16 iloveambiguity wrote: Also, uhm, the reason why i like prostitutes is because it is easy to convince them to play dead while i have sex with them. How do i communicate it to a gf that i am a necrophiliac?
Hahahahaha, this had me laughing for a minute straight after reading the rest of the post.
I am really not joking. I tried to talk to a psychologist, but we never resolved my problem to stare into mirrors all the time, let alone my necrophilia.
I thought TL was against trolls?
I am not trolling... This is actually my question. How can u convince your gf to have sex with you while remaining inanimate? All i see is that she would freak and dump.
Ever read Jonathan Franzen's The Corrections?
There is a character in there who will only have sex with his wife is she is like this. She complies.
Edit : Not that it really helps you, but stuff like this happens. Whether he is trolling or not is a different story. (Also, it's due to some dominance/sexual repression issue).
So I guess I need to get married, and then bring it up...
Also, it's due to some dominance/sexual repression issue).
Like what do you have in mind? does that help if i tell u that i used to live alone with my sick mother, and one time when i was 14 i tried to force myself on her?
On November 29 2009 09:16 iloveambiguity wrote: Also, uhm, the reason why i like prostitutes is because it is easy to convince them to play dead while i have sex with them. How do i communicate it to a gf that i am a necrophiliac?
Hahahahaha, this had me laughing for a minute straight after reading the rest of the post.
I am really not joking. I tried to talk to a psychologist, but we never resolved my problem to stare into mirrors all the time, let alone my necrophilia.
I thought TL was against trolls?
I am not trolling... This is actually my question. How can u convince your gf to have sex with you while remaining inanimate? All i see is that she would freak and dump.
Ever read Jonathan Franzen's The Corrections?
There is a character in there who will only have sex with his wife is she is like this. She complies.
Edit : Not that it really helps you, but stuff like this happens. Whether he is trolling or not is a different story. (Also, it's due to some dominance/sexual repression issue).
I started reading the book. Funny thing is, i repeatedly find myself in the description of Chip. The first 45 pages sucked me in, will read the rest asap. Thx for mentioning it.
Recently (in the past month or so), I've gotten really close to a female friend of mine. We hang out almost every day and text each other quite a bit. Needless to say, I'm pretty crazy about her. The problem is, she's got a boyfriend back home, and they have a serious relationship they've been in for 2 years. Sometimes it seems like she's sending me obvious signals that she's interested - other times it just seems like she could just be that really friendly type and not actually interested at all. How do I deal with this? I'm pretty cautious about this because if I just make a move and she isn't interested, she's seriously liable to try to punch me. On the other hand, if I just talk to her about it, it could be disastrous because if she isn't interested, it'll just ruin the relationship, which would not only suck because she's the person I'm closest to on campus, but we are in Taiko club together and hang out with the same people quite a bit, and I know that if she's not interested, she'd probably be fairly upset that I brought this all up and it would just fuck everything up.
This probably won't really be helpful, but it could be summed up in two words: friend zone'd.
That, my friend, sucks. I think getting all friendly with a girl you're genuinely interested in is a bad idea, exactly because of what has just happened to you...if you really like a girl, you better tell her as soon as possible to avoid misunderstanding.
However, I think most people have made the "mistake" you have - certainly, I know I did (I think out of all those ocassions a true relationship formed a grand total of one time...when it does happen though, it's a really good experience. However imo it's not worth the emotional roller-coaster you're going to go through if you make a move in a situation like that.)
Well, here's the advice,but I'm pretty sure you know this already: you either talk to her and risk ruining your friendship, or you don't, pretend that your friendship is enough for you and either put up with it, or keep suffering. I don't think either choice is too wondrous.
The thing that most guys do NOT understand is that if a girl likes you, they WILL try and get with you in any way possible. They will call you when they are horny, they will send you half naked pictures, they will try and hang out with you any chance they get and they will tell you stories about all the boys they hang out with, how they would like to have lesbian sex with freshman girls (wtf?) and overall just give themselves up to you.
Just because a girl wants to hang out with you sometimes and texts you alot about personal things does not mean they truly like you however. They are not waiting for you to make a move, you will KNOW when they really want your nuts and it is not a guessing game that you can analyze and figure out how to win.
@stratus_spear: she is NOT into you as more than a friend or she would break up with her boyfriend, she is happy with him and likes you as a friend. Be nice to her and appreciate that she is your friend. If you ask her out it will not change how she looks at you, she will deny you the pleasure and you will either be a retard and hate her or understand and be a good friend to her. You won't risk fucking anything up because if she begins to like you as more than a friend she will tell you right away and get with you. Just be her friend man, you probably just like her alot sexually because she is a girl in your life and you truly don't love her, you just want to have a girlfriend. Just wait and it will happen.
Girls don't get upset when they get asked out dude, they are flattered and love that shit, but will stick to the guy that really makes them happy, can satisfy them sexually in real life and in fantasy and has alot going for him. Just improve your life, gather as many friends as you can and one of them is bound to fall for you soon. Stay positive!
@fanatacist: I understand that you hook up with girls alot but have you ever had a really good relationship? This is not a challenge or offensive question I'm just wondering. And you are right, girls enjoy guys that are outgoing and joke around alot because it is interesting and they don;t know what to expect.
keep em guessing y'all. And if they dislike starcraft they arent meant for you! or weed..
On November 29 2009 10:55 dreamerra wrote: Here's a serious question:
Guy has a decent paying job (250K+) and is a few years post-college. His job requires long hours at work on the weekdays and unpredictable weekend work. His relationships, since high school, have been fairly superficial (longest: 2 months) and he has generally broken off his relationships before they have gotten too personal.
He's unclear why he has hesitations about taking relationships to the next level, both physically and emotionally, and it isn't helped by the fact that the majority of girls he's dated since he's graduated have been secretaries/support staff. It is also not helpful that he finds gaming more interesting than going shopping or walking around the pier. How should this guy widen his social circle, find someone who understands the fun in gaming, and/or get more comfortable with commitment?
I am assuming you are talking about yourself.
If you earn 250 K a year (holy shit) you really can afford a coaching session with the kind of guys who teach lifestyle improvement/ how to meet women. If I had money and lived in the USA like you I'd have totally started to do that.
A 2-3 day long coaching session usually costs like 2-3 thousand dollars but there is usually a money return guarantee if you are not satisfied. So basically for someone, who has the money to call them, there is no risk.
ok so this girl i went to elementary school with found me on fb and lately we've been talking a lot and the signals are so obvious it's basically a sure thing.
im just kind of nervous about meeting her in person (she lives nearby). i rarely have a car to drive and neither does she. i was thinking about just going with a couple of my really good friends and going out to eat (like we usually do) and just pick her up and have a good time (hopefully).
This probably won't really be helpful, but it could be summed up in two words: friend zone'd.
While the rest of your post makes sense, I don't think it can necessarily be called friend-zoned, since most of the problem lies with her currently being in a relationship...
On December 07 2009 04:59 Hypnosis wrote: The thing that most guys do NOT understand is that if a girl likes you, they WILL try and get with you in any way possible. They will call you when they are horny, they will send you half naked pictures, they will try and hang out with you any chance they get and they will tell you stories about all the boys they hang out with, how they would like to have lesbian sex with freshman girls (wtf?) and overall just give themselves up to you.
Sorry dude, that's just bullshit. A LOT of girls aren't like that.
@stratus_spear: she is NOT into you as more than a friend or she would break up with her boyfriend, she is happy with him and likes you as a friend. Be nice to her and appreciate that she is your friend. If you ask her out it will not change how she looks at you, she will deny you the pleasure and you will either be a retard and hate her or understand and be a good friend to her. You won't risk fucking anything up because if she begins to like you as more than a friend she will tell you right away and get with you. Just be her friend man, you probably just like her alot sexually because she is a girl in your life and you truly don't love her, you just want to have a girlfriend. Just wait and it will happen.
While I do appreciate the feedback, you're really just making a lot of assumptions both about me and the girl in question, and they're mostly wrong...
hahahahaha I don't know man, you are probably like that just because you posted that on a starcraft forum. LOL :D just saying anyone legit wouldnt ask for advice her.
On November 29 2009 09:16 iloveambiguity wrote: Also, uhm, the reason why i like prostitutes is because it is easy to convince them to play dead while i have sex with them. How do i communicate it to a gf that i am a necrophiliac?
Hahahahaha, this had me laughing for a minute straight after reading the rest of the post.
I am really not joking. I tried to talk to a psychologist, but we never resolved my problem to stare into mirrors all the time, let alone my necrophilia.
I thought TL was against trolls?
I am not trolling... This is actually my question. How can u convince your gf to have sex with you while remaining inanimate? All i see is that she would freak and dump.
Ever read Jonathan Franzen's The Corrections?
There is a character in there who will only have sex with his wife is she is like this. She complies.
Edit : Not that it really helps you, but stuff like this happens. Whether he is trolling or not is a different story. (Also, it's due to some dominance/sexual repression issue).
I started reading the book. Funny thing is, i repeatedly find myself in the description of Chip. The first 45 pages sucked me in, will read the rest asap. Thx for mentioning it.
No problem. I'm now somewhat disturbed that I identified with Chip also, but I guess he is just that kind of character. Mostly I only identified with him because that's my future career goal (both the defrauding american investors and the literary theory part).
On December 07 2009 04:59 Hypnosis wrote: The thing that most guys do NOT understand is that if a girl likes you, they WILL try and get with you in any way possible. They will call you when they are horny, they will send you half naked pictures, they will try and hang out with you any chance they get and they will tell you stories about all the boys they hang out with, how they would like to have lesbian sex with freshman girls (wtf?) and overall just give themselves up to you.
Sorry dude, that's just bullshit. A LOT of girls aren't like that.
I actually agree with Stratos_spear. Not always to the extent he speaks of, but there's always at least some form of sexual undercurrent. On the other hand, I do have a friend who tells me stuff like that all the time, but we don't like each other like that. (Doesn't send half-naked pictures, tells me about lesbian fantasies and etc. though). Mostly the way I can tell is the the "hang out with you any chance they get," which neither of us do with each other.
And I've asked someone out when they were dating another person, got rejected... but we started dating 2 months later when her relationship went bad. Unfortunately, she was a compulsive liar and insane, but that's a different story.
On December 07 2009 10:29 mikku wrote: So what about when two fall in "love" via the lolinternets after a couple years only to find eventually find out the girl is a MtF tranny
And I've asked someone out when they were dating another person, got rejected... but we started dating 2 months later when her relationship went bad. Unfortunately, she was a compulsive liar and insane, but that's a different story.
Dude, i always end up with those kind of girls... What is disturbing me about the book is that all the crazy fantasies of the 3 male characters I experienced. I was playing with my feces, for example, when i was in grade school. I am just anxious to see the resolution to the story, my life is complicated by very simimlar concerns.
On December 07 2009 10:29 mikku wrote: So what about when two fall in "love" via the lolinternets after a couple years only to find eventually find out the girl is a MtF tranny
I guess that is a little worse than my story, I took a girl over to my hotel in Bangkok just to discover the stitches on her "vagina." That reminds me of a joke i invented: what is common in a seasoned bangkok hooker and a ladyboy? Neither of them gets wet....
On December 07 2009 04:59 Hypnosis wrote:@fanatacist: I understand that you hook up with girls alot but have you ever had a really good relationship? This is not a challenge or offensive question I'm just wondering. And you are right, girls enjoy guys that are outgoing and joke around alot because it is interesting and they don;t know what to expect.
keep em guessing y'all. And if they dislike starcraft they arent meant for you! or weed..
Yea. I think that I know more about girls and relationships because of the ones I've had not because I've been more loose recently (past 6 months) and in the rather distant past (~3 years ago for 3 months). I've had 5 relationships (2 with the same person), totaling ~50 months. I'd say that the three longest ones were the best (22, 12, 8 months), ones I'd classify as "really good." The 22 month one was pretty bad for the last 6 or so, I learned a lot from that time as well, so I guess count that first one as 16 good months.
I used to be a more relationship oriented kind of guy, because I didn't think I had the ability to get with women at my leisure. I thought they were in control of the whole hooking up game and I just had to play along.
Eventually through experience, I figured it out. I went a little crazy for awhile with hooking up, but now I'm more feeling a relationship. It's been awhile, and the mindset is completely different, so it makes me anxious. The girl I am with; we have been on and off for almost 4 years. We have always liked eachother and basically act like we are dating when we are together.
When you like someone, you tend to think about them when you are alone. Because I enjoy making art and music, I sometimes spend quite some time alone. For Americans who have had their ears open at all in the last few months: shawties like a melody in my head. The emotions from desiring someone can really inspire to create something (in my case, just to get some pressure off my chest sometimes) I am simply not used to being in a relationship, and thinking clear under such emotion and tension is seldom. I overanalyze if we talk too little, too much, if we see eachother enough. I have the sense to smack the nonsense out of myself and understand that I'm thinking too much because I actually LIKE someone now, but those emotions are still there.
Those little feelings are driving me to see her and not really give a shit about what other girls think or if I get with other girls. The hard part is, this is when you are most noticed by other women because you are so confident and not self conscious around other women. I feel my old self coming back, even thinking about starting to talk to other people just to not feel the pressure anymore, but its something I have to deal with if I dont want to end up 40 year old alone dude who thinks he still can pick up girls like no problem.
The advice I give on this topic usually tends to direct people away from one individual until you have had experiences with people you aren't attracted to emotionally. This way you can experiment with different personalities and figure out what you like and who you are really. When you know what you like, then your body will tell you who to stay with. My taste of women has changed drastically since I've had such experience. It seems I used to be attracted to insecure girls, like I could be their therapist and they would like me once they were more confident. WRRRONG! I dated a girl for 2 years who was depressed and I spent so much time and energy trying to make sure she was okay. Finally, as she comes out of this dark bullshit she was into, she breaks up with me and turns into a big slut who dates an abusive boyfriend.
Now I 'm really into someone with a personality more like mine. Someone more real, and someone who doesnt really give a shit what people think and does what they enjoy. I hooked up with this girl for the first time when I was "more loose" as fanatacist would call it. I did it because she's very physically attractive to me, but thats about it. As we got a little older and I realized what I really liked, (and I guess she did too because we completely lost interest in eachother for awhile) we are undeniably attracted to eachother for much more than the physical aspect.
On December 07 2009 07:39 keepITup wrote: ok so this girl i went to elementary school with found me on fb and lately we've been talking a lot and the signals are so obvious it's basically a sure thing.
im just kind of nervous about meeting her in person (she lives nearby). i rarely have a car to drive and neither does she. i was thinking about just going with a couple of my really good friends and going out to eat (like we usually do) and just pick her up and have a good time (hopefully).
iono, would that be a bad move?
I know many cases like yours where the guy thinks 'its a sure thing' and then fails miserably because of various reasons - often overinterpretation of said signals and lack of skills/ knowledge.
To answer your question :
Key to succes with interaction with others is composed of these things :
a) Knowing yourself. Your limitations as well as strengts as well as situation you are and all other factors like your current reputation and everything else that is related. That can be really a lot of things , knowing them is a lot.
b) Correct judgement of the situation . Its succes is based on a) completness. You see - if you know your situation in and out then u usually are able to make a whole lot better decisions.
c) Acceptence of yourself. If you don`t accept yourself then its the first topic you want to work on. You wanna feel good with yourself. You wanna know that you are a dude YOU like and respect as well as love to be with. You want this to be honest statements , its your best investment.
d) Skills. It requires you to be skilled - which means that you are able to be in touch with the situation and adjust accordingly , when you r really good you are rather creaiting the situation than adjusting to it. Tho take note that people can accept you regardless of what skills you have, they also have some level of these skills . More precisely it is usually being able to behave and talk in a manner and about matters in a way that others and you will like/love , respect.
Imo its most times a bad idea to even propose a girl to go out with your and hers friends that one of you don`t know. Many girls find such behavior a sign of utter unconfidence , you are too shy to talk with her 1v1 .... its very rare for any girl to like it unless she`s similar and even then chances are low.
If u are shy and you get nervous, change it. Besides shyness isn`t ggnore , there are many other values that girls highly regard - mainly intelligence and humor + your reputation.
Anyways its all really not simple , there are many many details into this and ignorance of them may make you fail unless you prevent it somehow, which can be done with correct approach.
I would suggest to not get hasty. Take your time to study the situation - know as much about her, her personality, interests etc as possbile. There is a whole lot you can tell just by the way she talks, types. etc but again - leave it as 'i don`t know if its that way or that' if you aren`t sure. Really, false assumptions are the very last thing you want .
Still these are the next level of the structure. Your fundament is more important and it is your acceptance of yourself. It is if you like and respect yourself or not. If you do - it is seen in your behaviors, tone, eyes and it is liked. It is what is usually liked unless you like to be a hated, arrogant or sth but thats another topic.
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Your nervousness - if it appears then just talk normally like it wasn`t here. Treat it like a cold hands while playing sc - it might be annoying but you can still play unless you freak the fuck out and start thinking "OMG IM SO SCREWED , FFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU " . If you just play the game without panicing about it you can do very well regardless.
I really suggest researching various dating materials like David De Angelo stuff etc. It will surely help you to better understand whats it all about.
I hope you will find it useful , if anything feel free to pm .
I was wondering what happened to LarJarse! Too bad there aint no side-kick Fanatacist anymore :p And too bad I don't have a problem to evaluate! I might've learned something.. Oh well, hope somebody else has one
[QUOTE]On December 07 2009 13:21 iloveambiguity wrote: [quote] And I've asked someone out when they were dating another person, got rejected... but we started dating 2 months later when her relationship went bad. Unfortunately, she was a compulsive liar and insane, but that's a different story. [/quote]
Why would you date her after her relationship went bad? Why would you ask a girl out with a boyfriend? Isnt all of this saying she is using you to have someone there, because her first pick was gone? That's a little self belittling.
On January 19 2010 07:22 Lovin wrote: I was wondering what happened to LarJarse! Too bad there aint no side-kick Fanatacist anymore :p And too bad I don't have a problem to evaluate! I might've learned something.. Oh well, hope somebody else has one
wait wait fanatacist is gone? that nuke means your account is gone?
EPT
![[image loading]](http://i36.tinypic.com/1z4akjk.jpg)
![[image loading]](https://static.flashback.info/img/smilies2/whoco5.gif)
(that I'm better than her). I just said "thanks" with a smile and added that I think she's clever too.
