|
Two Decembers ago, I was feeling quite depressed. I was away from my family, in a lonely place called England. I had to study for finals, and I felt stuck. Restless, sad, and depressed. It didn't help that it was freezing cold and dark.
My family and friends were away, and didn't have much to offer me. So I went online to check for any advice. I found a really nice student forum for international students in the UK. They were all helpful and friendly, and I desperately needed it. Long story short, they recommended travelling.
Wow - what a brill idea! Never thought of that before. Revelation! If it weren't for the intense sadness that brewed inside of me like a sulking storm, there wouldn't be enough motivation for me to do solo travelling. Never done it before besides my first trip to the UK from Canada. I was so excited - it's gonna be an amazing adventure!
Sure enough it was! I randomly chose Manchester for extra fun. From the trip to the railway station, to the unpredictability of the hotel I found online. I had a new haircut, made new acquaintances and friends, tried and experienced many new things. My life suddenly turned upside down, from pure sadness to pure happiness. (Pondering back, I had doubts I was bipolar. A fellow medic classmate joked about it anyway.)
The friendly hairdresser asked me what I was going to do on New Year's Eve. I said I didn't know. She suggested that I meet some friends at Times Square. I told her that I was from Oxford, and that I didn't know anyone from Manchester. She said, just go alone then! So I will. I had nothing to lose. I felt fearless, like superhuman, like a different person, someone I didn't know before.
But the night was drawing near, and I was feeling quite tired from a whole day of walking. So I decided to return to the hotel and rest a while first. I laid on the bed, gazing at the ceiling, listening to this song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZPMOjvcov8
I hadn't actually listened to this song before. I uploaded it on my iPod before I started my travels in Oxford. On my first listen, it didn't really occur to me, that the song was the story of my life. I played it on repeat endlessly. Did I go to Times Square to celebrate the New Year? No. I cried myself to sleep...
All this sadness before my travels. Why? Because I was lonely from unrequited love. That was the real source of all my sadness. I had a crush on this classmate of mine for 3 years now; it's still going strong in my heart. But he doesn't know that I love him. And it's never going to work out. All I could do is write him a love letter.
And I am crying again now. I wish I didn't write this post. I was actually feeling happy.
 
|
It was a very good read 
Wish you the best !
|
|
|
On May 09 2011 21:38 fenner wrote:
Are you a guy or a girl?
I dont think that should matter too much...
|
On May 09 2011 21:51 Tensai176 wrote:I dont think that should matter too much...
but that is the best way to derail a blog...
|
On May 09 2011 23:03 DCLXVI wrote:Show nested quote +On May 09 2011 21:51 Tensai176 wrote:On May 09 2011 21:38 fenner wrote:
Are you a guy or a girl? I dont think that should matter too much... but that is the best way to derail a blog...
Derail me from my misery, please
|
Why don't you just tell him or write him a letter like you said? Your chances of being with him will vastly improve if you let him know, than if you do nothing.
At least then:
a) You can be together or
b) He can say no and you can get over it.
|
On May 10 2011 08:19 TechniQ.UK wrote:
Why don't you just tell him or write him a letter like you said? Your chances of being with him will vastly improve if you let him know, than if you do nothing.
At least then:
a) You can be together or
b) He can say no and you can get over it.
He's taken.
|
I definitely know where you are coming from regarding having a crush on someone for so long, but not being able to tell that person about it. For about four, almost four and half years now, I've had a huge crush on a classmate of mine. She's seriously just amazing, and it sucks knowing that I can't ask her out, though for different reasons than yours. For me, I can't ask her out on a date simply because I don't have the means to bring her out anywhere, as I don't have a car, money, anything really. Now, I know that you don't need to go out on "dates" in order to actually have a relationship, but in my opinion, the girl I'm chasing deserves actual dates, not just some relationship that never ventures out of school. I've had that before, and it didn't end well.
So, I know what you mean; though I'm in a slightly different situation, the general idea is the same. I know how bad it sucks to want to be with that other person. Sometimes you could swear its the worst feeling ever. But, in all honesty, it isn't. It's gonna be hard, but you've got to try to think of over things and not focus everything on him. Hang out with friends that aren't going to constantly drone about their respective partners, play Starcraft(a shit ton of it!  ), or other things/hobbies you genuinely enjoy doing. It will really help relieve the hurt, at least it did for me. Not that I have the hugest experience(hell, I'm only turning 16 in two days!) in this field, so my advice should probably be taken with a grain of salt.
Hopefully things will work out, and hopefully you'll be able stay strong. gl and most of all, HF!
|
If it makes you feel any better, he's a terrible kisser.
|
On May 10 2011 09:12 SageFantasma wrote:I definitely know where you are coming from regarding having a crush on someone for so long, but not being able to tell that person about it. For about four, almost four and half years now, I've had a huge crush on a classmate of mine. She's seriously just amazing, and it sucks knowing that I can't ask her out, though for different reasons than yours. For me, I can't ask her out on a date simply because I don't have the means to bring her out anywhere, as I don't have a car, money, anything really. Now, I know that you don't need to go out on "dates" in order to actually have a relationship, but in my opinion, the girl I'm chasing deserves actual dates, not just some relationship that never ventures out of school. I've had that before, and it didn't end well. So, I know what you mean; though I'm in a slightly different situation, the general idea is the same. I know how bad it sucks to want to be with that other person. Sometimes you could swear its the worst feeling ever. But, in all honesty, it isn't. It's gonna be hard, but you've got to try to think of over things and not focus everything on him. Hang out with friends that aren't going to constantly drone about their respective partners, play Starcraft(a shit ton of it! ), or other things/hobbies you genuinely enjoy doing. It will really help relieve the hurt, at least it did for me. Not that I have the hugest experience(hell, I'm only turning 16 in two days!) in this field, so my advice should probably be taken with a grain of salt. Hopefully things will work out, and hopefully you'll be able stay strong. gl and most of all, HF!
I've never really had a crush when I was 16, so I really don't know if how you feel is the same as how I feel.
The more I think about him, the more empty I feel. Still I can't help getting naturally drawn to him, even though we might have nothing in common. Anyhow it's too late now, I've graduated and we'll never see each other again.
In general, I do try to be smart and have the most fun out of life, even though it's not always possible. I try to take care of myself, even when life is tough and miserable.
My family has a history of depression, so my emotions are not exactly stable - it's up and down and up and down, and I cannot really control it that well. Is that too much information in an internet forum? Oh well. I am not the most courageous person in the world, and just needs someone to come and save me
|
you had me fooled. i thought it was about a girl. =P silly assumptions
|
On May 10 2011 21:33 Malgrif wrote:
you had me fooled. i thought it was about a girl. =P silly assumptions
Huh? Lol.
|
Wish you all the best in moving on
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/93KQj.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/RJvFo.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/FZ2Nt.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/Grj5C.jpg)
