GF Problems

On July 20 2009 02:07 kOre wrote:
@ micro: She doesn't care, because she knows it's not going to happen.

On July 20 2009 02:24 NiTenIchiRyu wrote:
shisha (kind of like weed)

Shisha is just another term for hookah and that's basically smoking tobacco through a water pipe so it's not even remotely related to weed.

On July 20 2009 02:23 anderoo wrote:
I'd go with option 3 personally
sure you'll solve the problem short term by punching the kid in the head, but it's not like there are only 2 guys in th whole world who are going to try to fuck your gf

edit: and if she's not gonna tell them to fuck off then ditch her

On July 20 2009 02:24 lovelyrose wrote:
if you have to stop your g/f from cheating, what's the point?

On July 20 2009 02:25 MiniRoman wrote:
Do you not smoke/drink? Forbiding her to not do something she wants to will piss her off. I made a new friend when I had a gf and she had a bf and we chilled and got high and drank and shit alone. My gf at the time didn't care, her bf didn't care. Neither of us did anything besides hang out. It's just fun to drink and smoke ~~

On July 20 2009 02:27 kOre wrote:

I don't really smoke because it's bad for your health (I breakdance so I can't do that shit) and drinking I can handle my alcohol pretty well while she can't so I would rather she drink when I'm with her because of what could happen.

On July 20 2009 02:25 kOre wrote:

She isn't, she's just really clueless.

On July 20 2009 02:10 Steelflight-Rx wrote:
shisha is a type of tobacco product that you smoke out of a hookah

On July 20 2009 02:48 Jayme wrote:
Everytime I read threads like this I get confused.

Is the concept of trust foreign now?

Like when I get into a relationship with someone at this point you should really really like said person and give them the benefit of the doubt in most situations.

What the hell is the point of a relationship if you don't have just about near unconditional trust in them to "allow" them to go somewhere on their own...

Then again I don't bother to get into a relationship just to be in one, I actually have to give a shit about the other person.

On July 20 2009 02:51 {88}iNcontroL wrote:


Maybe he trusts her but not the guy.

Maybe her "cluelessness" makes for problems he'd rather (shouldn't) deal with.

Trusting someone is fine.. but trusting someone who puts themselves in reckless situations is bad. It isn't like this is some great friend who is being purely platonic.. he has a history of faggotry.

I love tl.net's over emphasized sense of macho.

"MY WOMAN DOES WHATEVER CAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY blah blah blah"

On July 20 2009 02:10 Chef wrote:
If you don't trust her the relationship is already over.

On July 20 2009 03:02 piratebay wrote:
return the favor. find a girl to go hang out with alone.

On July 20 2009 02:54 kOre wrote:
I trust her, I don't trust the guys that she is with.

Why? They continue to hit on her and try shit even though they know she is already taken. Yet, she won't let me do anything about it because they are her "friends". Takes all I have to restrain myself from going all psycho-im-going-to-fucking-shoot-you on them.

What I mean by "clueless" is that she keeps telling me nothing is going to happen even when she is drunk/high. But I know that when these guys see an opportunity they are going to take it.

On July 20 2009 02:48 Kennigit wrote:
Just tell her "if you can't show me some respect by NOT going out with a guy who is clearly interested in you then we obviously have way bigger issues here.,,, Your call." if she goes, dump her immediately - then fuck one of her friends as SOON as possible. The last part is key because you don't want to be seen as the needy boyfriend who couldn't handle her going out with other guys but rather the asshole who got mad and then was like ROLFOLROLOLRFOLOLOL BRB FUCKING YOU FRIEND!

Have any of her friends flirted with you in the past?

This is the solution.

On July 20 2009 03:43 Vilda wrote:
Lol inc, if my guy told me he didn't want me to hang out with a friend of mine because the guy had hit on me before I'd give him the finger and tell him to FO -_- but then again I'd never cheat on him either..

On July 20 2009 03:43 Vilda wrote:
Lol inc, if my guy told me he didn't want me to hang out with a friend of mine because the guy had hit on me before I'd give him the finger and tell him to FO -_- but then again I'd never cheat on him either..

On July 20 2009 03:43 Vilda wrote:
Lol inc, if my guy told me he didn't want me to hang out with a friend of mine because the guy had hit on me before I'd give him the finger and tell him to FO -_- but then again I'd never cheat on him either..

On July 20 2009 03:56 {88}iNcontroL wrote:


It isn't a matter of you cheating on him. It is a matter of respect for your bf. If that guy has no respect for you, your relationship OR the girl really than why the fuck would you want her hanging with him in the first place? And if she doesn't care to avoid guys like that, or at least make YOU feel better about it then she isn't worth the concern.

If a guy repeatedly hits on my gf KNOWING she has a bf I would curb stomp him and spare the gene pool. If he made an honest mistake no worries.. she is worth hitting on. Its the guys who don't give a fuck about people that you cannot trust.

On July 20 2009 03:40 {88}iNcontroL wrote:
you guys would all seriously be ok with your gf saying "sup going for drinks and a smoke with that dude that hit on me the other day"

rofl

You guys are so fucking manly! I Envy the cock sizes around here.

/barf

On July 20 2009 01:34 kOre wrote:
Is it controlling of me if I don't want my girlfriend to go drinking or shisha with just 1 other guy? Here's some information on our relationship.

- She doesn't consider the people as REALLY REALLY old friends.
- The one guy tried to like "do shit" last time they went shisha but I was there to stop it.
- She won't let me tell the guys to "fuck off" so to say because they are her friends.
- I would never do this kind of shit to her.
- Isn't there some sort of "guy code" that pretty much tells the guy not to even ask the girl this stuff?

EDIT: Yeah I edited the OP so that it has more info. Thanks for the title change.

On July 20 2009 03:38 Chef wrote:

You don't trust her not to reject his advances or leave if he starts pawing her. "Trust" is more than just a word. Unless you're afraid of him raping her, than it's not really your point. And if you think she's so dumb she won't notice he's feeling her up, maybe that's a reason not to trust her either.

Honestly, it sounds like you must be going out with a 15 year old. If you're so desperate to be in a relationship, fine, tell her you don't want her to go. Your relationship will never get any deeper than it is right now and you can expect it to end within a year. If you're not desperate, you might as well dump her now or learn to trust her.

On July 20 2009 03:56 Orlandu wrote:
This isn't even all about trust. You can trust someone but still be uncomfortable with a situation. It's one thing to trust someone, it's another thing for that person to knowingly put themselves into potentially harmful situations. Even if nothing is going to happen, it clearly makes at least one person uncomfortable, and generally speaking, if you're in a relationship you should be considerate of the other person's feelings and what makes them uncomfortable. It may not always be reasonable (that's another issue of its own), but telling or expecting them to just "deal with it" is completely uncalled for and pretty disrespectful. Any girl that ever tried that on me would get dumped so fast it's not even funny. If something's bothering your significant other, you don't just ignore it or do things that will make it worse, whether it's unreasonable or not.



Attitudes like that are terribly disrespectful... That's great if things are working out well for you, but you need to know, that's a pretty disrespectful way to treat someone. To tell them that how they feel doesn't matter, that you don't care about their worries. Trust is something that is built up, not something that you're automatically entitled to. Whether they truly have trust for you or not, pulling stuff like what's quoted definitely isn't going to help build up any more trust.

The guy has a legit reason to be concerned. Maybe he's overreacting, maybe he's not. We don't know all the details or all the sides, but it sounds like he's got a good reason to at least be concerned. I don't think this is an issue of him trusting the girl or not. This is him being uncomfortable with a situation that clearly smells. There's nothing wrong with that. Even if the girl is completely trustworthy and loyal, that doesn't mean that something bad can't happen.

On July 20 2009 03:56 {88}iNcontroL wrote:


It isn't a matter of you cheating on him. It is a matter of respect for your bf. If that guy has no respect for you, your relationship OR the girl really than why the fuck would you want her hanging with him in the first place? And if she doesn't care to avoid guys like that, or at least make YOU feel better about it then she isn't worth the concern.

If a guy repeatedly hits on my gf KNOWING she has a bf I would curb stomp him and spare the gene pool. If he made an honest mistake no worries.. she is worth hitting on. Its the guys who don't give a fuck about people that you cannot trust.

On July 20 2009 03:56 Orlandu wrote:



Attitudes like that are terribly disrespectful... That's great if things are working out well for you, but you need to know, that's a pretty disrespectful way to treat someone. To tell them that how they feel doesn't matter, that you don't care about their worries. Trust is something that is built up, not something that you're automatically entitled to. Whether they truly have trust for you or not, pulling stuff like what's quoted definitely isn't going to help build up any more trust.

On July 20 2009 05:15 hazelynut wrote:
Judging from the OP's information, I can guess (fairly accurately) at what's going on in her mind. On a conscious level, she's telling herself, "I want to hang out with my friends because it's fun! I don't see why my boyfriend is controlling me, it's just having some fun."

On the vicious, catty, biologically-programmed subconscious level, she may be thinking three things:

1. I like the attention
2. I like when my boyfriend gets jealous
3. I want to keep my options open

There's no reason that she would rather hang out with these types of acquaintances over her boyfriend except for at least 1&2 or 1&3. She's either playing mindgames with you because she IS interested in you (and girls nearly always feel the stupid urge to make their bf jealous), or she's not as interested as you think and wants to see what other guys are like. No girl would come out and admit these motives to anyone, but these are three pretty common responses for females in general.

On July 20 2009 01:43 Slaughter)BiO wrote:
Me and my ex-fiance both decided that we wouldn't be comfortable with that situation unless it was someone we both knew pretty well. Like what was said above you both need to decide what the boundaries are for that kind of thing.

On July 20 2009 02:20 Kennigit wrote:
Options
1) Punch this kid in the head
2) Drop her
3) Punch this kid in the head, then drop her

most important question for framing. How old are you?

On the vicious, catty, biologically-programmed subconscious level, she may be thinking three things:

1. I like the attention
2. I like when my boyfriend gets jealous
3. I want to keep my options open

- She won't let me tell the guys to "fuck off" so to say because they are her friends.

On July 20 2009 02:10 Chef wrote:
If you don't trust her the relationship is already over.

On July 20 2009 05:10 Vilda wrote:

If the case would be my bf telling me not to do something I really want to do, just because he doesn't want me to, how respectful is that towards me? It'd make me terribly uncomfortable and upset if someone that I love and trust fully would tell me that he didn't want me to hang out with one of my friends. Deciding things for me - or trying to - is something I find highly disrespectful as well.

Trust is indeed built up, but the guy says he trusts her already, if there was an issue with him trusting her I'd tell him to dump her as well, but if he really does trust her, then there is no reason not to let her go. And in my opinion he isn't the one deciding whether she gets to go or not in the first place.

On July 20 2009 03:43 Vilda wrote:
Lol inc, if my guy told me he didn't want me to hang out with a friend of mine because the guy had hit on me before I'd give him the finger and tell him to FO -_- but then again I'd never cheat on him either..

On July 20 2009 02:51 {88}iNcontroL wrote:


Maybe he trusts her but not the guy.

Maybe her "cluelessness" makes for problems he'd rather (shouldn't) deal with.

Trusting someone is fine.. but trusting someone who puts themselves in reckless situations is bad. It isn't like this is some great friend who is being purely platonic.. he has a history of faggotry.

I love tl.net's over emphasized sense of macho.

"MY WOMAN DOES WHATEVER CAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY blah blah blah"

On July 20 2009 12:48 Gene wrote:
a girl hanging out with her friend is not a date..

On July 20 2009 12:51 Tom Phoenix wrote:


Since when was that macho? Macho sounds more like:

"SHE IS MY WOMAN! YOU SO MUCH AS LOOK AT HER AND I WILL BUST YOUR HEAD IN blah blah blah"

On July 20 2009 13:35 Arnic wrote:
People tend to respond better when they can really understand how you feel and why as well as how their actions would affect you. You can try to ask her how she would feel if the situation were reversed, most people will automatically say "Oh, I'd be OK with that". Fair enough, some people would be alright with it but then again, some will reply without actually putting themselves into that situation so they can empathize with how you're feeling.

Say to her: "So, we go out for a night with our friends and there's a girl who flirts with me in front of you. She completely ignores the fact that we're together and she keeps doing it even though I'm not encouraging her in any way. How would you feel if I said I was going to be spending an evening alone with that girl?"

If she thinks about it and still says she'd be genuinely OK with you doing that and you believe her, accept it. Do not try and set that situation up to test her, that's a manipulative and stupid idea which is likely to backfire and create a shitload of unwanted drama.

This kind of thing is easy to blow out of proportion, especially when you're worried, you don't know how to react or what to say and it's making you think emotionally rather than logically. There is a tendancy to think along dramatic lines when relationships reach these types of hurdles ie: "If she doesn't agree with me on this, fuck her, it's over".
No matter who you date, you'll never be able to be with them at all times, making sure that everything they do works out well or that everyone they hang out with treats them in a way you're happy with. Trust is an absolute requirement in a decent relationship and if you genuinely trust your girlfriend not to cheat on you, as you've said you do, then stop worrying, let her off your mental leash and let her do the things she wants to do.

As BalliSLife said, they're going to be in a public place and it's a social thing. It's not like they're going to be totally alone with no one around, you could always ask to meet her afterwards, maybe go to get food or something.

At the end of the day, if you really want to make a stand over this, it's up to you but consider the possible consequences. If you try talking to her and she continually fails to understand your concerns or to listen to you reasonably, if you are unable to find a compromise or if you have doubts about her trustworthiness then you'll need to make some kind of decision about how or if you'll continue things with her but keep in mind that this situation is a common one and you may run into it again.

I didn't mean for this to be so longwinded, I hope it makes sense and that you manage to get things sorted out with your girlfriend in a way which makes you happy.

On July 20 2009 13:58 Arnic wrote:
kOre - Glad to hear it, she sounds like a keeper in that case. Hope it all works out for you.

beetlelisk - Twice as long as half it's length.

See? Arnic you are backing up my idea without even reading it