|
Hi, I have had quite a problem with my dad.
It's not that serious where he abuses me physically or verbally, but it's lack of communication. Long story short, we are not compatible/get well along with each other. Short fights often happen between us because we disagree with other. We are not in harmony.
My mom, on the other hand, is pretty much awesome. I love my mom so much because I trust her a lot and overall she is a nice woman. She acts very nice and has a sense of humor and is not strict at all. My mom is also very understanding, even when I make a mistake.
Here's an example of what happened two years ago: my nickname is "gun" because of my name. One day, I was afk and my dad used my computer and saw one of my friends message me saying 'gun.' He then asks me why he called me gun and then he flips out because it has to relate with weapons. My mom, hearing this outbreak comes upstairs and asks what's going on. After hearing my side, she totally understands me. But my dad still does not understand why (My name is pronounced "Hyung Gunn" so people call me Gun, simple, no?).
He also likes to make a lot of assumptions. I don't even want to go further into that...
Everything about what he says irks me. It seems he does not understand me at all. I'm a freshmen at college going on to second year and he tells me I am behind because I didn't intern yet. I mean, what the fuck? First off, I am only in the first year of school. Sure, people at my age intern, but not everyone does. The moment he knows/hears about someone better off than me, he starts comparing that person. At his work, there is a student intern/working. My dad says that the student's parents are rich, but his father tells him to pay his tuition. Then he tells me why I don't have a job...and why I'm not paying my tuition. It really irritates me. I know I'm not the perfect son but I hate taking shit from him, especially when he compares other children, who are often smart/successful to me, just the average Joe.
The only times I've seen my dad show his love for me is when he's drunk, lol. Other than that he comes off way too strict and never ever thinks in my shoes.
Poll: Do you have problems with family member(s)?
(Vote): Yes
(Vote): No
tl;dr:
My mom is easy to talk to. Understands me as if she were in my shoes.
My dad is not.
 
|
Just demanding Asian parents who don't fully understand "American" culture.
I mean he once saw me on irc when somebody called me "FagKrag", and he asked me if I was gay lol. I think my dad is very similar to yours actually, because he always compares with other people.
|
3861 Posts
I'm close with my dad. My mom and I rip each other apart. Asian family thing.
|
On July 09 2009 12:10 lilsusie wrote:
I'm close with my dad. My mom and I rip each other apart. Asian family thing.
I had the same problem. The solution is really simple, actually. Go intern and work your ass off in college so you can move out ASAP. I guarantee you, the moment you step out of the house, your dad will treat you differently. And you will have the cruel satisfaction of turning down invitations to dinner knowing that he's too proud to beg.
Once you get over that thrill, though, you'll find that living apart usually does improve the relationship.
|
I had a similar vendetta, but with both my parents unfortunately. The way I resolved it was quite odd though, now that I look back at it. Whenever my parents tried to "start something" I just nodded and smiled and didn't really pay attention. When my parents got annoyed and didn't think I was taking them seriously, I just said, "Don't worry, I'll end up where I'll need to be" or something like that. Then I told them I was going to work out and did just that.
This pretty much worked, although my parents think I'm like on drugs now or something-_-. Anyways, just try to keep a level head when your talking with your dad. Try and see where he's coming from and don't do anything stupid like run out of the house screaming.
Hey! I used 'vendetta' in a sentence! Cool~
|
Korea (South)11598 Posts
oh god, please don't talk about family problems.
My mom used to always assume I was on drugs and I was getting drug tested once a week. (we're friends now)
My dad and I do not get on good terms right now. Constant agitation whenever we're around each other. Mostly because I never really knew him until a few years ago, and he's trying hard to get that whole family bonding shit that he missed out on for 15 years, so he treats me like a fucking 5 year old.
No one in my family can talk to one of my sisters because she suddenly starts crying/shouting for no reason. You can literally say "Hey it's time for dinner" and she will go on and start yelling at you about how you're treating her like shit, and annoying her and that no one understands her. (She's 20, so why she's acting like she's 12 i don't know)
|
try stepping into your dad shoes... bit hypocritical post if you ask me
|
for example, have you made mistakes in your past that would make your dad worry about guns and weapons? have you shown your intelligence in every possible encounter with him to prove that you are capable of every little thing that comes across your path?
obviously this is your family and i know little to nothing about it but you make your dad seem completely unreasonable.
|
sure its fucking irritating to hell, but does he literally mock you, naggy voice and condescension, or does he say it because he thinks you can do better, and he's frustrated you aren't(?)
anyways i'll stop now, unless you respond, don't want to be cruel or anything, just a different perspective on the situation.
|
I feel you bro. Thats exactly what my mom always do when i visit my parents house. One day I slept over at my parents house for a day cause i was too lazy to drive to my apt, I was using my parents computer to chat with my friends about the next day plans, I was hungry so I went to get something to eat across the street, once i came back she was on the computer waiting and started to yell at me "what is tek? is that a drug?".(some of my friends call me tek because of tekin) I never had a chance to explain why my friends call me tek cause of her NONSTOP talking. I seriously wanted to hit her with something that day cause she doesn't wanna listen to what im gonna say.
|
|
|
Typical asian family. Basically just gotta learn to accept it - your father will never show affection but he still loves you! ... or something.
|
Ahhh the typical Asian father and son relationship... me and my dad was like that too until i matured and started doing alot of shit for the family. Asian parents ALWAYS compare their kids to others. One time he said Why can't you be like "Joe" ( this nerdy kid) and i was like i dunno but i had sex with his sister though ( I did ) AHAHHAH.. Joe and his sister's parents were friends of my parents... after that they never compared again...
|
That sucks. I always resented my dad growing up, but I knew he loved me. He and my sister (along with my brother's ex wife) basically drove our family into the ground with drugs and such. Then he died when I was 11. On a day to day basis, I don't miss him, but I think that if he had been around a few years longer, and maybe restructured his life towards the end, that I'd be in a better position than I am now.
My sister on the other hand... I could say a lot about her, but the words would be so harsh, that if a mod read it, I'd be taking an extended trip to Disneyland. Basically the most selfish, lazy, and downright disgusting person you will ever meet.
|
Bosnia-Herzegovina1437 Posts
On July 09 2009 12:24 HeavOnEarth wrote:
sure its fucking irritating to hell, but does he literally mock you, naggy voice and condescension, or does he say it because he thinks you can do better, and he's frustrated you aren't(?)
anyways i'll stop now, unless you respond, don't want to be cruel or anything, just a different perspective on the situation.
Triple post ftw!
|
Used to, then I moved out and realized just how precious family are. We are on the best terms ever now 
|
On July 09 2009 12:42 So no fek wrote:
That sucks. I always resented my dad growing up, but I knew he loved me. He and my sister (along with my brother's ex wife) basically drove our family into the ground with drugs and such. Then he died when I was 11. On a day to day basis, I don't miss him, but I think that if he had been around a few years longer, and maybe restructured his life towards the end, that I'd be in a better position than I am now.
My sister on the other hand... I could say a lot about her, but the words would be so harsh, that if a mod read it, I'd be taking an extended trip to Disneyland. Basically the most selfish, lazy, and downright disgusting person you will ever meet.
Your sister never had a good male role model that's why she is like that. If you are her big bro, you're suppose to take care of that role cause your dad wasn't there. If you're the little bro, then your sister is pretty much FUCKED unless she finds a good boyfriend or something
|
On July 09 2009 12:46 MetalMarine wrote:Show nested quote +On July 09 2009 12:42 So no fek wrote:
That sucks. I always resented my dad growing up, but I knew he loved me. He and my sister (along with my brother's ex wife) basically drove our family into the ground with drugs and such. Then he died when I was 11. On a day to day basis, I don't miss him, but I think that if he had been around a few years longer, and maybe restructured his life towards the end, that I'd be in a better position than I am now.
My sister on the other hand... I could say a lot about her, but the words would be so harsh, that if a mod read it, I'd be taking an extended trip to Disneyland. Basically the most selfish, lazy, and downright disgusting person you will ever meet. Your sister never had a good male role model that's why she is like that. If you are her big bro, you're suppose to take care of that role cause your dad wasn't there. If you're the little bro, then your sister is pretty much FUCKED unless she finds a good boyfriend or something
My sister is 34, I'm 19.
Edit: She has a boyfriend that she intends to marry. He's in prison, doing 2-10 for GTA, or something.
|
konadora
Singapore66364 Posts
Sounds like my family!
Except it's both LOL
|
On July 09 2009 12:51 So no fek wrote:Show nested quote +On July 09 2009 12:46 MetalMarine wrote:On July 09 2009 12:42 So no fek wrote:
That sucks. I always resented my dad growing up, but I knew he loved me. He and my sister (along with my brother's ex wife) basically drove our family into the ground with drugs and such. Then he died when I was 11. On a day to day basis, I don't miss him, but I think that if he had been around a few years longer, and maybe restructured his life towards the end, that I'd be in a better position than I am now.
My sister on the other hand... I could say a lot about her, but the words would be so harsh, that if a mod read it, I'd be taking an extended trip to Disneyland. Basically the most selfish, lazy, and downright disgusting person you will ever meet. Your sister never had a good male role model that's why she is like that. If you are her big bro, you're suppose to take care of that role cause your dad wasn't there. If you're the little bro, then your sister is pretty much FUCKED unless she finds a good boyfriend or something My sister is 34, I'm 19. Edit: She has a boyfriend that she intends to marry. He's in prison, doing 2-10 for GTA, or something.
It sounds like you really want to let out your stress. Make a blog about it, I'll listen to you
|
On July 09 2009 12:51 So no fek wrote:Show nested quote +On July 09 2009 12:46 MetalMarine wrote:On July 09 2009 12:42 So no fek wrote:
That sucks. I always resented my dad growing up, but I knew he loved me. He and my sister (along with my brother's ex wife) basically drove our family into the ground with drugs and such. Then he died when I was 11. On a day to day basis, I don't miss him, but I think that if he had been around a few years longer, and maybe restructured his life towards the end, that I'd be in a better position than I am now.
My sister on the other hand... I could say a lot about her, but the words would be so harsh, that if a mod read it, I'd be taking an extended trip to Disneyland. Basically the most selfish, lazy, and downright disgusting person you will ever meet. Your sister never had a good male role model that's why she is like that. If you are her big bro, you're suppose to take care of that role cause your dad wasn't there. If you're the little bro, then your sister is pretty much FUCKED unless she finds a good boyfriend or something My sister is 34, I'm 19. Edit: She has a boyfriend that she intends to marry. He's in prison, doing 2-10 for GTA, or something.
HAHAHHAHAH oh man... i bid good luck to your sister man.. that laugh is not meant for me to seem like an asshole, but damn .... how does your mom feel about your sis, i'm sure she either gave up on your sis or pretends she doesn't even have one? I mean a mother is suppose to love her kids ... but from what you said about your sister.. i dunno man
|
On July 09 2009 12:55 AzureEye wrote:Show nested quote +On July 09 2009 12:51 So no fek wrote:On July 09 2009 12:46 MetalMarine wrote:On July 09 2009 12:42 So no fek wrote:
That sucks. I always resented my dad growing up, but I knew he loved me. He and my sister (along with my brother's ex wife) basically drove our family into the ground with drugs and such. Then he died when I was 11. On a day to day basis, I don't miss him, but I think that if he had been around a few years longer, and maybe restructured his life towards the end, that I'd be in a better position than I am now.
My sister on the other hand... I could say a lot about her, but the words would be so harsh, that if a mod read it, I'd be taking an extended trip to Disneyland. Basically the most selfish, lazy, and downright disgusting person you will ever meet. Your sister never had a good male role model that's why she is like that. If you are her big bro, you're suppose to take care of that role cause your dad wasn't there. If you're the little bro, then your sister is pretty much FUCKED unless she finds a good boyfriend or something My sister is 34, I'm 19. Edit: She has a boyfriend that she intends to marry. He's in prison, doing 2-10 for GTA, or something. It sounds like you really want to let out your stress. Make a blog about it, I'll listen to you
yea if u wanna let out some stress PM me or something man, I don't even know you, but i feel bad for what shit you have to put up with.
|
Voted Yes- On the surface there are no problems since no one talks about anything. But on the rare occasions that someone decides to talk about their feelings or vent stuff out, sigh. It's not pretty.
|
On July 09 2009 12:57 MetalMarine wrote:Show nested quote +On July 09 2009 12:55 AzureEye wrote:On July 09 2009 12:51 So no fek wrote:On July 09 2009 12:46 MetalMarine wrote:On July 09 2009 12:42 So no fek wrote:
That sucks. I always resented my dad growing up, but I knew he loved me. He and my sister (along with my brother's ex wife) basically drove our family into the ground with drugs and such. Then he died when I was 11. On a day to day basis, I don't miss him, but I think that if he had been around a few years longer, and maybe restructured his life towards the end, that I'd be in a better position than I am now.
My sister on the other hand... I could say a lot about her, but the words would be so harsh, that if a mod read it, I'd be taking an extended trip to Disneyland. Basically the most selfish, lazy, and downright disgusting person you will ever meet. Your sister never had a good male role model that's why she is like that. If you are her big bro, you're suppose to take care of that role cause your dad wasn't there. If you're the little bro, then your sister is pretty much FUCKED unless she finds a good boyfriend or something My sister is 34, I'm 19. Edit: She has a boyfriend that she intends to marry. He's in prison, doing 2-10 for GTA, or something. It sounds like you really want to let out your stress. Make a blog about it, I'll listen to you yea if u wanna let out some stress PM me or something man, I don't even know you, but i feel bad for what shit you have to put up with.
Maybe some day I'll take you up on that, but if I were to cover every single thing she's done, it would probably take me a few hours to type it up. Seriously. 
As for your previous post, here's the kicker and where it gets worse. I still live at home with my mom. My sister lives with us. We live in a 1000 (something) sq. ft. two bedroom trailer.
|
Men are supposed to be the distant providers and authority figure.
|
On July 09 2009 12:39 Xusneb wrote:
your father will never show affection but he still loves you! ... or something.
Hahahaha sorry this is just too funny... haha or something
|
After reading the OP I thought the tl;dr would be "I need to buy my dad booze more often".
On-topic though, I almost guarantee you I have more family problems.
|
Clazz, we understand your frustration, but it is pretty obvious that your father loves you and wants you to be the absolute best person you can be, ( possibly something he was not able to achieve) and he is trying to do it the only way he knows how, just try to reach an understanding with him, sit him down and talk everything through, or not
On July 09 2009 13:17 Grobyc wrote:
After reading the OP I thought the tl;dr would be "I need to buy my dad booze more often".
On-topic though, I almost guarantee you I have more family problems.
lol if you don`t feel loved enough take grobyc`s advice.
and @ Grobyc this isn`t about who has the most fucked up family.
|
On July 09 2009 13:08 ghostWriter wrote:
Asian dads are supposed to be the distant providers and authority figure.
Fixed.
@OP: I feel your pain; I'm in my second year at university and I get grilled constantly by my dad about not working or whatever. What's worse than being compared to your peers is the "when I was your age..." comparison.  Not to marginalize your problem or anything like that, but I think this is pretty common in Asian families.
|
Yeah, I hate the comparison thing - it's probably what ticks me off the most.
|
It's like when they're reading the Korean papers they see a smart Korean prodigy with a 2400 on the SAT's and got accepted to Harvard and then tell me why the fuck I can't be like him. 
|
Smix
United States4549 Posts
Comparing against other 'better' sons/daughters is one thing that really bothers me as well.. but I think this is true with most Asian families. Standards/rankings/grades/manners; the list never ends. =/
|
On July 09 2009 12:54 konadora wrote:
Sounds like my family!
Except it's both LOL
But they just let you go get rip roaring drunk last week.
|
On July 09 2009 13:27 Etherone wrote:Clazz, we understand your frustration, but it is pretty obvious that your father loves you and wants you to be the absolute best person you can be, ( possibly something he was not able to achieve) and he is trying to do it the only way he knows how, just try to reach an understanding with him, sit him down and talk everything through, or not Show nested quote +On July 09 2009 13:17 Grobyc wrote:
After reading the OP I thought the tl;dr would be "I need to buy my dad booze more often".
On-topic though, I almost guarantee you I have more family problems. lol if you don`t feel loved enough take grobyc`s advice. and @ Grobyc this isn`t about who has the most fucked up family.
Trying to make him feel better in comparison
|
yeah, my parents are sweet but i dislike my dad (and sometimes my mom) anyway for similar communication issues as in the OP and the fact that he never listens to me and such. sometimes its a language barrier issue, and that annoys me too, but i know that's not their fault, but sometimes my dad just gets on my nerves soo much.
meh, hopefully it'll go away when i grow up a bit more.
|
On July 09 2009 15:36 Smix wrote:
Comparing against other 'better' sons/daughters is one thing that really bothers me as well.. but I think this is true with most Asian families. Standards/rankings/grades/manners; the list never ends. =/
That sounds horrible. I knew asian parents were more fussed about grades, but comparing your children to some perceived 'model' child and blaming them for not being as good as them doesn't sound like very good parenting.
|
Have you tried telling your dad that you'd talk to mom later about it?
After a while (15 years or so), I got tired of my mom yelling at me so much so I started just walking away and saying I'd talk to my dad later. Of course it didn't work well at first, but in the long run, it saved me alot of trouble getting yelled at (although now she just yells at my brother all day...)
|
Similar situation with me except add on the pressure of having 2 brothers in medical school, one just finishing up residency and going into a fellowship and the other just starting med school. And what you have is me the middle child.
Clazz are you from NJ? I thought I remember something about NJ.
|
It's pretty common I'm sure, in fact your dad sounds pretty much exactly like my dad (except replace "drunk" with "high" at the end of your post). Although my mom passed away four years ago and I don't have any siblings, so I don't have anyone to hear my side of any of our arguments. As a result I've learned to just let my dad "win" all of our arguments so I don't have to put up with as many complaints.
|
Tell your dad to be thankful that you are even in college and he will live longer. Its proven that people who practice gratitude live an average of 5-7 years longer than those who don't.
Tell him to stop complaining because you could run away and be some druggy on the street in a snap.
|
It sounds like any other Asian family.
I used to be in a similar situation as you, except I couldn't talk to either of my parents and ended up very dependent on my friends.
It actually wasn't until very recently (and by very recently I mean like two months ago) that I was finally able to start talking to my parents again...and even that took a lot of circumstance and effort.
It'll get better once you've matured a bit and can handle things on your own; not because they'll see it and stop bothering you, but because you'll stop caring as you know you know what you're doing.
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT![[image loading]](http://lh4.ggpht.com/_MeUxlJ4O2Os/SlDvsvoZFiI/AAAAAAAACDE/a9eVIv4TRa0/s512/DSC00042.JPG)
