|
Note: You can take a look at the previous chapters before reading this (if you haven't already), it will give you a better perspective of where I'm coming from and why I'm posting this wall of text. Thanks.
So, I was having a conversation with one of my friend's girlfriend, and she was blaming me for the way I treat girls. She said that I'm never grateful, and that if I'm going to keep acting this way, I'll end up alone and miserable. So it got me thinking: Breaking up, how people do it, and why?
You may have already noticed that I have a rather "logic/maths" view on things, in the way that I like to find causes, logical explanations, split things into categories, etc. So it's only natural that I start doing it again here too.
There are two major types of relationships, long-term and short term. And while there's no obvious/general time frame that you can base this upon, there is a level of involvement that you can rely on. If both people care enough about each other, then the relationships will probably last for an extended period of time.
But let's take the easy one first: Short-term. When should these stop? Well, my opinion was that one should break up as soon as he feels that the relationship isn't evolving the way it should. And to me, that means that if I feel that someone is getting more involved than I am, I should probably end it, before it goes any further. My friend said I should give all relationships a try, since, well, I got involved in the first place, but I did try this: I've let one relationship go on past the point where I felt I wouldn't get more involved. Way past that point. And I was never able to "feel more", get more attached. It only got her to feel more attached to me. And it was wrong. I eventually broke up with her after 3 or 4 months, and have felt quite bad because I let it go on as much as I did, knowing I wasn't as involved in it as she was.
So, I'd like to know what you guys think of this. I'm really interested in how people view short-term relationships and how they commit to them.
Now, for the long-term ones. I don't have much experience in them, since I've only had two or three (depending on how you look at it), but I usually "fall" pretty fast. If she manages to get under my skin (which apparently, is a hard thing to do), then I'm like a freaking puppy dog. I try not to show it, but when I go down, I go down in flames. I guess it's also because there are so few girls that can do that, that I'm utterly impressed and dazzled when it happens. But I digress.
So how do long-term relationships end? Well, the way I see it, it only ends when one of them is 100% sure he/she wants to stop it, and just puts an end to it. There is no other way to end something long term as far as I could observe. Usually, mutual-decision break-ups never work. It always goes back to hooking up again for one reason or another. Also, remaining friends doesn't really work either, because it's hard to let go of someone you keep seeing constantly. There will always be moments of weakness, so a full stop is the only way to go as far as I'm concerned. I can go on with examples on this, but there's no point in it now. I'll do it if you guys feel differently or such, because, after all, that's the reason I'm writing here.
So, that only brings us to the question of 'when'. Well, It seems to me that most people fail to do it when it should be done, which is very understandable. You can't tear off a relationship that's been going on for years "like a band-aid", since the other person is obviously an integral part of your life, but trying to do it any other way ends up in more pain.
Girls, in particular, chose to "wait for the right time" which is so horribly wrong it scares me. I have a friend who's currently dating a girl that's been in a relationship for 3+ years. She told him that she's about to break up with her "official" boyfriend about 4 months ago, but she's waiting for the right time. She doesn't want to hurt him, so she's trying to drag the relationship into a ditch, and break up because of that. Now how is that fair? I know it's extremely painful to hear "I met someone else", and guys in particular will go crazy over that, but in all honesty, would you rather be deceived for months-on-end then being told the truth? I know it sounds like a dumb question, but some people feel that it's better in the long-run to get hurt as little as possible in relationships, in order to keep an untainted view on people. I don't. I'd take pain over lies any day.
Now, I know that I brought up a bunch of different issues already, so I'll stop here. I think I got the gist of what I wanted to say down, so I'll wait for comments before I go into any further details, or who knows, maybe a different chapter.
Thanks for reading so far. Looking forward to your opinions.
|
You may have already noticed that I have a rather "logic/maths" view on things, in the way that I like to find causes, logical explanations, split things into categories, etc. So it's only natural that I start doing it again here too.
this is probably y ur friend said that u treat girls badly... fix it
girls != math, got it?
|
On May 24 2009 00:20 R3condite wrote:Show nested quote +You may have already noticed that I have a rather "logic/maths" view on things, in the way that I like to find causes, logical explanations, split things into categories, etc. So it's only natural that I start doing it again here too. this is probably y ur friend said that u treat girls badly... fix it girls != math, got it?
Hahaha, cute. I chuckled a bit.
But actually, while most girls do tend to fall into the feelings/emotional sides of things, and follow paths to Literature, Psychology, Philosophy, Medicine, Art, etc. and not Physics/Maths/Computing (economics is on the edge). She is not one of them. She has a double degree in Law and Civil rights, and she practices as an attorney at the moment. So I can't really use that excuse with her. 
By the way, I'm not being misogynous in any way, I'm just looking at the male:female ratio in the universities around where I leave, and most technical ones have a huge male:female ratio, while the ones I've wrote about above are the exact opposite. I'm not saying that anyone can't do whatever they like, I'm just going by statistics.
|
There's no room in this forum of a vigilante, Talkative. Someone will find out who you are. Someone will unmask you.
|
I've got it! You're Scorpion!
|
On May 24 2009 01:03 Chef wrote:
I've got it! You're Scorpion!
What about cartman, he's pretty cool. And totally not fat.
|
I just noticed this, regarding the male/female thing (taken from the image thread).
And then I called my friend who's just about to graduate medical school and asked him to give me more details about this. He said that it's been proven through a large number of tests that women do use their right hemisphere more than men do, and are usually more inclined towards instincts and the artistic.
This explains a lot!
|
Does it also explain why so many famous writers and artists are male?
There's a misconception that the right side of the brain controls everything artistic, and the left controls everything logical. The brain is not as simple as that. There's sections responsible for different things, that combine processes in both hemispheres to contribute to talent in such areas, but it's not a division thing.
I'd say it's more cultural pressure and role playing than biological fact. A lower amount of testosterone will change you behavior and for one reason or another and maybe make you better at decorating, but that doesn't constitute the whole of artistry, which is a lot more than making things match.
I think 'women are artistic' and 'men are logical' is over-simplifying human nature to a grotesque degree.
|
On May 24 2009 02:03 Talkative wrote:What about cartman, he's pretty cool. And totally not fat.
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, its THAT GUY!
nice read as usual
|
On May 24 2009 04:15 Chef wrote:
Does it also explain why so many famous writers and artists are male?
There's a misconception that the right side of the brain controls everything artistic, and the left controls everything logical. The brain is not as simple as that. There's sections responsible for different things, that combine processes in both hemispheres to contribute to talent in such areas, but it's not a division thing.
I'd say it's more cultural pressure and role playing than biological fact. A lower amount of testosterone will change you behavior and for one reason or another and maybe make you better at decorating, but that doesn't constitute the whole of artistry, which is a lot more than making things match.
I think 'women are artistic' and 'men are logical' is over-simplifying human nature to a grotesque degree.
Hey, woah there. I never said that. In fact, the whole argument started from an obvious exception. Men are also make great chefs (keke), does that mean we have a better sense of smell/taste? Of course not. But you can't ignore the fact that women are, usually more inclined towards the artistic side of things, instincts, human behavior, and things like that.
The reason I'm saying this, as I wrote before, is that I have friends in many universities around this City, and I can guarantee that the percentage of females in the art-like universities are considerably larger, and it goes the other way around for the technical ones.
Now I'm not saying that it's clear that women suck at technical things and men suck at matching their pants with their shirt. But you can't ignore the fact that there are differences in how we think, based on things like these. Now it doesn't really matter if it's written in our genetic code or if it's a cultural thing, since the result is the same.
I did a small social experiment a while ago, when I read the "coins riddle" on TL. It basically said that you're in a room with a vast amount of coins of which only 10 are facing heads-up (the others were tails-up). You had to make two groups from ALL the coins, each containing as many as you'd like, but which have the same amount of heads-up facing coins. Now the trick was that you could not see them or feel them, so you had to use a gimmick. You could flip as many as you'd like, stack them, whatever, but you couldn't tell which were which. The answer was: just flip any 10 of them, and keep those as group A, while all the others were group B. That way you'd have the same number of coins with heads-up no matter how many of them you initially flipped. Even if you flipped all, both groups would have 0 coins with heads-up.
Now, I went and given that problem to A LOT of people, and only those that work in technical areas (male and female alike) have been able to wrap their mind around it. It sounds easy, but it's not. People who don't work with numbers, and are more into arts and such, don't usually see this problem as logical. I've actually had people say to me: "ok this is stupid, I know it's right but it's ridiculous, i'd have never thought of it that way". It's very clear that your interests define everything else about you. If you're a "numbers" person, you'll always think of things "mathematically". If you're not, instincts and such will dominate. I can give you tons of examples of this, especially since I seem to be far more attracted to girls that are into arts/philosophy/psychology than anything else.
So bottom line is, I wasn't simplifying things to "Women are arts" and "men are logical" but to... "There are people governed by the left hemisphere and people that are governed by the right one". Personally, I found that people who are more into instincts and arts are very interesting to be around, be it male or female. I, for one, am definitely a technical person, but I would never discriminate based on this. All I'm saying is based on my personal experience and the statistics that come with it.
|
Right so I'm going to go ahead and bump my thread AGAIN! It's a blog, can't sue me.
I've had a more detailed conversation with my med-graduating-friend, and he said that there are significant differences between the way the brain works in men and women. First of all, women are set to be "less logical". This shows up in IQ average, with tests taken on HUGE batches of subjects. Women usually score 15 to 25% lower than men, depending on the area and such. Also, he told me about MRI tests done to see how men and women respond to different arithmetic questions and logical questions. They have done this by using a tracing substance on the subject's blood and seeing how much of the brain lights up. Apparently, men use a bigger area for logical and math questions, while women use a much bigger area for instinct/emotional stimuli.
Now, if you think that I'm saying all this because I consider myself superior, you're wrong. I'm well aware of the fact that logical intelligence and emotional intelligence are two completely different things. Just because I can score higher in an IQ test won't make me look down on any person, being male or female. I know people who are way WAY smarter "emotionally" than I am. And I know some that are downright retarded when it comes to emotions. That's why I'm rather interested in this subject.
I'm all for equality in rights, but thinking that women and men are the same is downright ignorant. Women are "programmed" to rely on instincts because they're the ones who raise our children, it's pure Darwinism. Obviously, society had its role in this also, as it does in any other aspect of our day-to-day existence, but there's obviously a huge difference in our genes as well.
That being said, this only makes me more interested in becoming emotionally smarter. How do I achieve this? By analyzing as many people as possible? By trying to establish deep, meaningful relationships with some of them? By having a ton of friends? I know it sounds stupid, but I think that's my actual purpose.
|
It's BECAUSE you analyze all this too much
|
On May 25 2009 03:33 XDawn wrote:
It's BECAUSE you analyze all this too much
...um, what is? the fact that I feel emotionally inferior? could be, but then again, I can't help it, it's who I am.
|
On May 25 2009 07:19 Talkative wrote:...um, what is? the fact that I feel emotionally inferior? could be, but then again, I can't help it, it's who I am.
then i think u've just about answered ur own questions...
|
On May 25 2009 07:52 R3condite wrote:Show nested quote +On May 25 2009 07:19 Talkative wrote:On May 25 2009 03:33 XDawn wrote:
It's BECAUSE you analyze all this too much ...um, what is? the fact that I feel emotionally inferior? could be, but then again, I can't help it, it's who I am. then i think u've just about answered ur own questions...
Actually, it depends on how you look at it. Are you saying that I will always feel emotionally inferior? Maybe. But that doesn't mean I'll stop trying to get wiser. So it doesn't really answer my questions, it just shows what's causing me to ask them.
And I don't think I can just STOP analyzing things. I only do it in retrospective anyway, I don't do it during relationships and such. In those cases, I just go with it.
Either way, thank you.
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT![[image loading]](http://img43.imageshack.us/img43/3480/dualbrain.jpg)
