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I just broke a heart today.
So I was hanging out with a good friend of mine (who is still in college). We were playing some piano and just chillin around, then we went out for dinner and I saw this girl that I knew who hadn't graduated yet (we're in the same big circle of friends, I guess, I've gone shopping with her a couple of times but nothing really). She said she was free for the evening (yay!). My buddies are going to knock themselves out at the local watering hole so I decide to grab some coffee with this girl. She's good looking, decent face, asian, a ballet dancer so she has to keep herself slim, and even though she doesn't look it, is really, really innocent and sweet.
She looks a lot like Rachel Ngan:
prolly around 5'5", 95-100 pounds
Coffee is great, we talk about my company, what happened, we talk about piano, we talk about parents. Great convo, but in retrospect, I probably should've taken her question "are you going to be in town now that your job is gone" as a warning sign, but by the time I was drinking coffee I was just horny as fuck, being single for a while, and didn't want to think too hard about anything.
After coffee we went back to her place, and I go to her upright and start playing pieces for her, sing a little Jay Chou, etc. Real stupid stuff, haven't pulled something like it since undergrad, but it works and we hook up. (By the way, Le Cygne and Clair de Lune are must-haves in your repertoire if you want to do this).
Afterwards I wake up and I feel great because this is the first time I've hooked up while sober for almost two months, so I give her a peck on the cheek and go for a shower. I come out and she's awake and checking mail, and we have breakfast. It's great, I have nothing to do, she ditches class, and she tries to practice her ballet moves with me, (which results in me hilariously failing).
I go home, and almost immediately afterwards she begins texting me like crazy, asking when I'm free again, etc etc. I can smell desperation coming from her end but I'm really can't figure out why a girl as hot as her would be feeling it right now... I try to be nice and groom myself, but I'm not Brad Pitt.
If it was any other desperate girl I'd probably just give it three dates and then dump her, but she's really a pretty nice girl so I decided to just let her know how I felt.
She got pretty distraught about it, maybe she's been fucked around with by other guys? What should I do?
  
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Maybe she finally wants a nice guy!
To be honest, my women problems would fill a book. I can't help you. =(
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On January 09 2009 18:37 Psyonic_Reaver wrote:
Maybe she finally wants a nice guy!
To be honest, my women problems would fill a book. I can't help you. =(
Yah, so stay away! Lol jk
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if you don't like her for "real", I say real a stable relationship or maybe just to see how things go and stuff, then don't tell her you do.
Don't lie to her, that's the worst thing you could do.
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MrHoon
10183 Posts
funkie summed it up pretty well on his last sentence
Don't lie to her. Seriously.
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Maybe go out with her more, and you'll grow to like her. If you already know you don't, I guess just stay friends.
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Go out with her, and maybe she got something what u like in woman 
If not, u can be her friend.
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So what exactly was your objection toward her? I'm assuming you won't be around since your job isn't around anymore? But if that was so, you'd think she'd have explored further into the subject to see if this was just a hook up situation.. Anyways, if you're going to be around give her a chance. I can tell that you admire her/like her just from the way you write about her. If you are indeed leaving because of your job, just give it to her straight. Nothing much else you can do.
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Belgium9949 Posts
yeah you should be honest in this situation
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Give her a chance? I guess if you really don't like her, just drop it then. Sigh..
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On January 09 2009 20:09 meegrean wrote:
Give her a chance? I guess if you really don't like her, just drop it then. Sigh..
On January 09 2009 19:13 selboN wrote:
So what exactly was your objection toward her? I'm assuming you won't be around since your job isn't around anymore? But if that was so, you'd think she'd have explored further into the subject to see if this was just a hook up situation.. Anyways, if you're going to be around give her a chance. I can tell that you admire her/like her just from the way you write about her. If you are indeed leaving because of your job, just give it to her straight. Nothing much else you can do.
You two are both on the wrong page. It's not about giving the girl a chance. Apparently, from what he's said about her, she's a great girl too. She's pretty, talented, etc.
But, he's not looking for commitment. He wanted to have some fun, but now he has a clingy girl on his hands.
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Be straight with her. Tell her that she's a great girl, but that you're not looking for commitment. Don't feel sorry for her to the point where you'll try to be friends with her. You don't have that kind of obligation to fulfill.
This happened to me once before. I met this new girl, had sex on the first date. Then, I kept getting e-mail and texts. I stopped responding, and the texts became like, "Hey, where are you? I see how it is, jerk!"
I didn't tell her that I wasn't into commitment. So, the only way that I got rid of her was by ignoring her. She'll probably be upset if I try to contact her again.
[Edit]
Wait, she's a good friend?! Shit. That makes it hard. She is probably gunning for a serious relationship. I guess you'll just have to be honest. Most likely, you'll lose her as a friend..... for now...
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just be nice. And sometimes people just like you, it's not desperation.
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you OBVIOUSLY like this chick, desperation, texting like crazy?
tell her the texting has 2 b cut down, but do it subtle..
or just dont txt back till next day. dont cut her off man, have a little respect
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On January 09 2009 20:41 Piy wrote:
just be nice. And sometimes people just like you, it's not desperation.
yap yap!
but it might be too late ... hahah
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On January 09 2009 18:30 t_co wrote:
I go home, and almost immediately afterwards she begins texting me like crazy, asking when I'm free again, etc etc. I can smell desperation coming from her end but I'm really can't figure out why a girl as hot as her would be feeling it right now... I try to be nice and groom myself, but I'm not Brad Pitt.
If it was any other desperate girl I'd probably just give it three dates and then dump her, but she's really a pretty nice girl so I decided to just let her know how I felt.
She got pretty distraught about it, maybe she's been fucked around with by other guys? What should I do?
Most likely both of you feel that the other is doing a downtrade by going out with you/her. Basically she thinks that you are really too good for her and you think that she is a bit too good for you.
This can easily wreck the relationship if you do not handle this carefully. The other posters seems to have missed that you already said that you told the girl how you felt and that she was distraught by it.
Anyway, I have no idea how you should handle this really. Just understand that she probably have a bad self image etc, like an emo girl.
Or maybe I misunderstood your intentions, but she really is an emo girl. If you don't treat her well she will take her life and haunt you like this:
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paper forgot how to spell 'fap'
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Not sure I understand how people get off on people thinking others are desperate simply because they like someone. I know how the text frenzy can be, but seriously be a little more level headed hell you play the piano wtf
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Kentor
United States5784 Posts
On January 09 2009 21:27 BottleAbuser wrote:
paper forgot how to spell 'fap'
need more pics
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you dont have a job yet, can still get a girl?! beggars cant be choosers!
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honesty all the way; don't be an asshole and simply use her...
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On January 09 2009 22:05 itzme_petey wrote:
you dont have a job yet, can still get a girl?! beggars cant be choosers!
It's not wheter she's the right girl or not. He likes her a lot. She just came along at the wrong time. Just tell her straight up that she is wonderfull but don't feel like having a relationship right now.
edit:if you haven't done so already.
with some luck they will stay friends.
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Based on your story, aside from her "look", there's nothing really innocent about her, intentionally or unintentionally. So I'll take as an assumption that she's an innocent person.
Coffee is great, we talk about my company, what happened, we talk about piano, we talk about parents. Great convo, but in retrospect, I probably should've taken her question "are you going to be in town now that your job is gone" as a warning sign, but by the time I was drinking coffee I was just horny as fuck, being single for a while, and didn't want to think too hard about anything.
These topics of the are kinda turn-down for girl. There is nothing into it. Yet she invites you to her place and (everything beyond this point was already decided) hook-up with you on the first date? and then be pretty "distraught" about a guy who she hook-up for only 1 day?
Ok I won't give any direct judgment about her but you don't have to feel guilty about this. You told her the truth instead of fucking around with her, that's enough and let's just move on.
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On January 09 2009 23:44 Elvin_vn wrote:
These topics of the are kinda turn-down for girl. There is nothing into it. Yet she invites you to her place and (everything beyond this point was already decided) hook-up with you on the first date? and then be pretty "distraught" about a guy who she hook-up for only 1 day?
Turn-down? Why? Makes me wonder what type of girl you interact with. If you can only talk about the latest pop music album, you've probably got yourself a dumb skank imo.
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Hey whatisprotoss i remember u. U're that retarded guy aruging about international seas.
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man, the happiness of other people is not your responsability. Do what you must. But you should've anticipated this, because i understand you did this for hornyness and you knew the girl before?. Sometimes it's hard reject people, but it's something you must do. It'll be hard but you'll come through it.
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you should send this message to her, not share it with us
if u dont want to date her then u gotta say it before its too late
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Kind of off-topic. I don't get the concept of innocent. I always wondered about it. It seems Americans are hung up on this concept. Nobody in Europe talks about innocence as a quality of a girl. Is someone either a whore or an innocent girl. Is there some cinderella put pussy on a pedistole complex in USA culture. IMO 90% of girls don't fall in either the whore nor the innocent categorie but in a balanced position in between. So sleeping with someone makes a girl an auto whore select. Wut?
Is OP a whore two. Or is there a double standard. I really don't get the seemingly ridgit American culture regarding sexuality.
Maybe I'm dumb Eurotrash and see things to black/white, dunno.
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I always thought of it as a very safe adjective to use.
First, it's obviously got positive connotations, such as being the antonym to "guilty," as well as the association with babies and angels, which are common terms that people use to describe their girlfriends.
Second, it's very easy to justify, because the listener has no idea if you're talking about innocence in terms of crimes, experience, personality, etc, so no one's going to be calling BS on you.
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Snet
United States3573 Posts
It's a weird feeling when a girl obsesses over you. Either you take advantage of it, feel the same way, or tell her you don't feel the same. Atleast you were honest with yourself and her - it would of been worse down the road if you played her, hurting her even more. Not many guys would of given her the same respect.
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She's innocent in the sense that she's not manipulative or bitchy (unlike that other HK triad daughter psycho).
She just broke up with her boyfriend, parents going through rough patch in marriage, so I guess I'm supposed to be the rebound.
I can't say I mind because I don't have anything invested here, just hooking up sounds great, and since we were friends before I don't care about spending time with her.
So...we decided to go skiing this weekend, just the two of us. But no commitment. At least not yet.
As for a job, I'm looking to stay in this city so that won't be a problem.
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The longer you take to figure out what to do, the worse it's going to get.
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On January 09 2009 20:34 WhatisProtoss wrote:Show nested quote +On January 09 2009 20:09 meegrean wrote:
Give her a chance? I guess if you really don't like her, just drop it then. Sigh.. Show nested quote +On January 09 2009 19:13 selboN wrote:
So what exactly was your objection toward her? I'm assuming you won't be around since your job isn't around anymore? But if that was so, you'd think she'd have explored further into the subject to see if this was just a hook up situation.. Anyways, if you're going to be around give her a chance. I can tell that you admire her/like her just from the way you write about her. If you are indeed leaving because of your job, just give it to her straight. Nothing much else you can do. You two are both on the wrong page. It's not about giving the girl a chance. Apparently, from what he's said about her, she's a great girl too. She's pretty, talented, etc. But, he's not looking for commitment. He wanted to have some fun, but now he has a clingy girl on his hands. ----------------- Be straight with her. Tell her that she's a great girl, but that you're not looking for commitment. Don't feel sorry for her to the point where you'll try to be friends with her. You don't have that kind of obligation to fulfill. This happened to me once before. I met this new girl, had sex on the first date. Then, I kept getting e-mail and texts. I stopped responding, and the texts became like, "Hey, where are you? I see how it is, jerk!" I didn't tell her that I wasn't into commitment. So, the only way that I got rid of her was by ignoring her. She'll probably be upset if I try to contact her again. [Edit] Wait, she's a good friend?! Shit. That makes it hard. She is probably gunning for a serious relationship. I guess you'll just have to be honest. Most likely, you'll lose her as a friend..... for now...
She wants me to be her rebound, I took her in, we're ok for now I guess, hopefully we can dial it down or up without too much blood spilled between us.
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I don't see why you have to make it a one night stand. I think it's ok for you to date for a while, and just make sure she knows that you're not ready for something too serious yet.
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it looks like you know what you're doing
but still
good luck
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typical guy =/
on another note.
Elvin_vn Vietnam. January 10 2009 08:42. Posts 1656 PM Profile Blog Quote
do not agrue with idiots, they will pull you down to their level and beat you with their experiences
haha so true~
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Update:
It's so cute when girls try hard to make you like them. She just woke me up with the smell of hot chocolate and pancakes...
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On January 11 2009 02:19 t_co wrote:
Update:
It's so cute when girls try hard to make you like them. She just woke me up with the smell of hot chocolate and pancakes...
ahh cute. I wish my roommate(Girl) did the same ToT
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On January 11 2009 03:26 Cambium wrote:
How is this a problem?
Well, I want to keep my options open but I don't want to make her unhappy either (because she's younger... I guess I feel kind of brotherly to her)
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On January 11 2009 02:19 t_co wrote:
Update:
It's so cute when girls try hard to make you like them. She just woke me up with the smell of hot chocolate and pancakes...
are u serious D:
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Taiche
France1963 Posts
On January 11 2009 06:21 t_co wrote:
Well, I want to keep my options open but I don't want to make her unhappy either (because she's younger... I guess I feel kind of brotherly to her)
I think you're at some point where it really depends on what YOU want. If you want to be with her, then I'd say go for it in the next few days, don't wait for weeks or she'll find someone else to rebound and you'll feel stupid/sorry/neglected/whatever.
If you just want to stay friends, then you need to tell her so. It's kinda hard to be subtle in those cases, so just try to make her understand you really like her but simply as a friend. Tell this in a place where you can escape easily (e.g. restaurant, etc...). This will be awkward but you'll be glad you have done it (and if she's not stupid, she will be thankful in the end).
Whatever you choose, as almost everyone told you before, be honest and kind. The only way she would hate you would be if you lie or be very blunt and gross.
Good luck anyway
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If this girl is making hot chocolate and pancakes for you, then eff. You got a keeper. Maybe give it time.
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