Chef's Tips!: Episode One -Peach Cake Thing

Chef

10805 Posts

November 08 2008 19:57 GMT

Heyguys,ChefherebringingyouanotherChef'sTipsFirstPersonCookingblog!

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It's the first day of rain in November, and as is Canadian tradition, I will not be wearing pants today. I'll spare you the photographic proof, as I suspect there are many people intolerant of my Canadian heritage.

I've decided to start doing a cooking blog thing. For our first kitchen concoction we're going to do something really, really fucking easy. Like... I'd say even your grandma could do it, but in this case, it's more appropriate to say even your father-who-burns-fucking-everything could do it if he just followed the really simple instructions... So awaaaay we go:

First off, you need the ingredients, right? Almost all of these you should always have stocked in your house... Or at least, in your mother's house. The only thing you might need to go out and buy is canned peaches (you can get just peaches if you want, but then you have to cut them, and I know you're too lazy for that).

Okay,

Ingredients

1 cup all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
1/8 teaspoon of salt
1/2 cup of unsalted butter
3/4 cup of sugar
2 large eggs
A can of peaches (preferably slices, but halves are okay too)
Some ground cinnamon

Delicious, delicious ingrendients. Note butter is already in one of the bowls.

Okay, so you've got your ingredients all set out, next you've got to prioritize your tasks. The very first thing you should do is get the butter out of the fridge. The warmer it gets, the easier it'll be to work with later, so just get that out of the way. Since the butter wasn't frozen like a rock this time, I just cut it into the large bowl right away.

One half cup of butter into the large bowl

AHHHHHHHGGG!

Before you put the left over butter away, you'll want to grease your 9 inch diameter pan with the butter. This will ensure your cake doesn't stick to the pan when you try to serve it later. You can either use the inside of the butter wrapper, or you can go nuts and just use the butter.

Grease the pan with butter.

GREEEASSSE IT! GREEEEASSSE IT YOU SLAVE BUTTER!

Don't do this. It's probably bad for your skin.

Okay, so you've got the butter done... Just put away what's left over and leave the butter in that bowl for a bit. We'll get back to it later.

Next you're going to want to mix the dry ingredients. These are: Flour, Baking powder, and salt. Put these all in the small bowl. Give the bowl a good shake to mix the ingredients.

1 cup of all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon of baking powder
1/8th teaspoon of salt

Flour is serious business

Baking powder is an intriguing element

Measure salt carefully, and look dangerous and sexy while doing it

Hah! Hah! Haaah!

+ Show Spoiler [MSN is fun... :)] +

[17:42] Jeff E: what's on your picture there?
[17:44] Jeff E: yo biaaatch!!!
[17:47] Ed: it's me, cooking in the kitchen
[17:48] Jeff E: wtf are you wearing?
[17:48] Ed: clothes, mostly
[17:48] Ed: maybe some soap suds
[17:48] Jeff E: (staring at the picture from different angles with squinty eyes)
[17:49] Jeff E: it looks like your wearing a bird costume
[17:52] Ed: that's just how I look on Saturdays
[17:53] *** "Jeff E" signed off at Sun Nov 02 17:53:48 2008.
[17:53] *** "Jeff E" signed on at Sun Nov 02 17:53:49 2008.
[17:54] Jeff E: hhmm. I guess I've never seen you on Saturday. Is that kind of like how you always used to look like giant pickle in space suit on wednesdays?
[17:55] Ed: that was before I had the operation, but yes
[17:58] Jeff E: I actually just got a magnifying glass to get a better look at that picture. Why a giant bird?
[17:58] Jeff E: dare I ask...
[18:00] Ed: why a hand, or a foot?
[18:00] Ed: I don't know jeff
[18:00] Ed: it's just evolution
[18:02] Jeff E: Hhmmm. Yes come to think of it I remember seing a picture of the evolution of man. It went: Monkey, man crouching, man slightly more erect, donkey, big hairy man, chicken, homo sapien.

Powder!

Alright, let's get back to the butter.

We need to pour sugar into the bowl with the butter... So just do it.

3/4 cup of sugar in large bowl

Looks kinda like milk, but believe me, that's sugar.

Alright, time to bring out the power tools... It's mother fucking blender time.

Blend butter until fluffy...

Light and fluffy! About as gay as you'll feel while cooking

Okay... Now you need to beat in the eggs... Make sure you don't get any shell into the mixture; if you have to, just crack the eggs beforehand into another bowl, so that you can fish out those shameful stray egg shells.

Beat in two eggs, one at a time

Creamy? I don't know

Now you want to add in your dry ingredients from your small bowl... That flour, baking powder, and salt thing. Blend them in until just combined... That means don't overdo it. Use picture for reference

Blend in dry ingredients

See?

Now put dat shit in der 9 inch pan, Dantone! Then spread it fine.

OOOOO! FREAK THAT BITCH OUT, DANTONE!

Okay. Now is a good time to set that oven to start preheating... You want it to be at 350, but if you have a normal oven, that's going to take awhile, so just do it now.

Preheat oven to 350

350 F

Okay... While that's heating up, you should get on the peaches now... Basically you just want to spread them over your mix thing, maybe make a cool design. I only had peach halves around, so it looks pretty boring and dumb, but it'll still tastes good... After you put those all around, sprinkle the ground cinnamon over it. It kinda doesn't look that good in this picture, but believe me, it smells good.

Top with peaches and cinnamon

Don't worry... the peach juice is a good thing

Okay... You're basically done. If the oven isn't 350 yet, start putting shit away, and just pop in the pan when it is. It's a good idea to put a tray under the pan, in case it overflows for some dumb reason. While you wait for it to cook... Go masturbate or something. That's what I usually do.

Put in oven for 40 minutes, or until a fork pressed into it comes out dry

Delicious

Enjoy, but believe me, after about the 3rd time you make this, you'll be sick of it. That's why you will need to read my next Chef's Tips! for more cooking adventure!

Cheers, I'm off to make a White Russian...