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Today i recieved my 6 week grading period progress report in the mail for my first semester as a junior in high school. The grades were the worst i've recieved throughout my entire high school courier. (keep in mind this is a progress report, and not the report card, the report card comes in 18 weeks, i just got my first 6 week progress report). This time in my honors gov class, i did bad on an essay which dragged my grade from an A to a C, and it happened to show as a C on the progress repot. I also got many B's because i haven't gotten time to study for those classes due to the hard amount of honors courses im taking.
Basically i got home my dad looked at this report, and in disgust took out his belt and started whipping me. Fortunatly i had my sweater on so it minimizes the pain. He also give attempts to slap my face, but all of his throws are blocked by my arm, and as a result my right and left arm becames red and swollen. He also threw "light punches/kicks" towards my stomach area, which was also blocked by my arms. I believe if it was an actual punch/kick i wouldn't of been able to block it.
My dad had a history of beating me even as a child. One of my most memorabl memories was when i was still in china and around the age of 5 I believe, i accidently spilled a cup of milk, and he furiously kicked me down and kicked/rolled my body with his foot. I've been beaten by him SEVERAL TIMES, and each time he does it, it makes me stronger. As a teen of 17 now, i've managed to develop a strong mentality to take those, but today was different....
He pushed me on the sofa, and used his belt to whip my arms and upper torso, i actually couldn't careless. What disgusted me was when he spat on me, and blew his nose on me as I was down on the sofa. He didn't even do it once, he did it NUMEROUS times. The first time he's ever done that was when i was in 7th grade, and i got a 73% on a math test. I sorta just sucked it up, but now i think i've had enough. He's reached my barrier to the point i can no longer stand.
I want to move out. I dont know how, or if my actions will only be selfish. My mom and sister are both loving and caring, and i dont want to ditch them for my own benefits. I've thought about walking to y city's city hall is about 3-4 miles away, i can walk there if i wanted to and ask for help. However something deep in my mind tells me to just stay.
I have never publicly revealed this, i've only told it to a few friends, but now i think i'm going to let it loose. Often times i've replaced this abuse with the word "scold", but what im experiencing isn't a disciplinary scold.
Here is my other parental issue blog: http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=78488
I've made a life goal to stop the child abuse to my generation of children.
PS: If my parents finds out i still play SC, and browse TL. the consequences would be even worth.
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Fight back. Tell him if he wants to fight you, it must be to the death. Is he willing? (In other words, let him bite off more than he can chew)
If my Dad tried to beat me, I'd try my damnedest to fight back with as much fiery mongrel in me as I could muster. You have a lot more to teach your dad than he does you. Violence is fucking dumb. Not to sound like a pussy, but there's a particular trend with people using violence when they feel their words aren't adequate enough to solve the problem.
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GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE!
That's all I have to say. I had to come out of lurking just to say that.
Good luck.
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Talk to the counselors in school, or a teacher you're really close to.
Notify the situation, and they'll help you for sure.
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Austin10831 Posts
You're 17 years old now, you shouldn't put up with that at all. I know people talk about Asian parents and ridiculous traditions, but his ways don't have to be your ways.
Next time you're alone with him, take off your belt and slap it across something to get his attention. When he's looking at you, stare him down and say calmly, "Next time you take your belt to me, you'll be met with much more than defence."
Or something equally ominous or badass.
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On October 10 2008 13:49 SiZ.FaNtAsY wrote:
Talk to the counselors in school, or a teacher you're really close to.
Notify the situation, and they'll help you for sure.
This. What your dad is doing to you is insane. Don't take it.
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CA10824 Posts
that isn't normal, even for "asian parent" standard. usually asian parents would hit your a couple times with a stick/rule/belt and that would be the end of it.
idk man, tough decision on your part.  i hope you do the right thing
stay strong!
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Braavos36372 Posts
if i saw my kid imitating firebathero i'd beat his ass too
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I've been in somewhat of a similiar situation with my father, although not nearly as extreme.
It would never happen anymore though. I told myself from a very young age that I would always stand strong and I would always talk to my dad. I tried to use simple talking and reasoning with him, even when he was crazy with anger.
Your situation is tough, however, because of the nature of the abuse. I understand it would be hard for you, or anyone to get any sort of authority involved. You're scared of hurting your family, including your Dad, I bet.
Frankly though, it seems to me that your Dad has past the line, BY FAR. Physically and emotionally assaulting you in such a terrible way is inexcusable. I think you need to tell someone, and a school counselor is probably your best bet.
edit: Hot_Bid! That wasn't appropriate at all.
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United States24613 Posts
Did you know teachers in the USA are legally obligated to report any cases of child abuse? Oh well I don't even know your IP so I can't really do that.
I wish I had some wonderful advice for you, but it's tough when your parent hits you. Telling your school is one way, but don't expect it to be all peachy. Trying to talk logically about it with your father could possibly work, but most likely will not. Going for the badass 'fight back' approach may not solve your problems either.
edit: Hot_Bid that's rather insensitive.
edit2: sorry when I said 'hits you' I meant to include the other things you described in the OP as well... I realize those contributed towards this being a different event
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On October 10 2008 13:53 BroOd wrote:
You're 17 years old now, you shouldn't put up with that at all. I know people talk about Asian parents and ridiculous traditions, but his ways don't have to be your ways.
Next time you're alone with him, take off your belt and slap it across something to get his attention. When he's looking at you, stare him down and say calmly, "Next time you take your belt to me, you'll be met with much more than defence."
Or something equally ominous or badass.
Rofl, that.
And then when he gives a look of confusion say: "Oh, and from now on, you can call me Sir Death Knight of The Silent Killing Clan"
Edit: or something equally as childish
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Wow, physical abuse in your household seems a bit out of hand.
As the others said, talk to counselors/teachers or even a government hotline for abuse. It's a good thing you're realizing it's time to make a move against it, because most people don't and just accept physical abuse as scolding and feel guilty if they tell anyone else.
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There's a line between discipline and w/e your dad is doing (and he obviously crossed it). Damn, blowing his nose and spitting? Is he usually a sour personality or is this just when he's angry?
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On October 10 2008 13:58 Hot_Bid wrote:
if i saw my kid imitating firebathero i'd beat his ass too
i'd give him a medal.
edit: oh yeah, fight back. don't punch him in the face or something, just push him over or something of that manner, nothing serious.
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Jeez, just because you screwed up on in honors gov your dad is doesn't have the right to do that to you at all, i know that asian parents can be this way; i had this situation with my mom too but she gave up on it during my high school years because she know i can do better without her getting mad. I could call this child abuse, but the only advice i could give you is don't give up and once you graduated from high school moved out.
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Canada9720 Posts
poor form, hb. i think a regular member would be temp-banned for something like that
like brood said, you're almost a grown man now. you don't have to put up with that shit. gl
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My parents don't do this kinda shit.
Find them abuse numbers yo (lol I can smell the irony already peace out TL.net~)
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holy crap.. this is like worse than the ultimate stereotypical asian parent..
i feel bad for you =[ my dad just threatens me with no college funding
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Austin10831 Posts
On October 10 2008 14:09 CTStalker wrote:
poor form, hb. i think a regular member would be temp-banned for something like that
like brood said, you're almost a grown man now. you don't have to put up with that shit. gl
Eh, a little humor is nice in somber topics like this. I sure wouldn't want to read 20 posts in a row about how shitty my situation is without one joke.
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Yeah this isn't about asian parents or nonasian parents. This is about one goddamn bad parent.
Sorry I really don't have any advice. But you know the options available to you. There are so many sources you can seek for help, please use them.
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On October 10 2008 13:43 YPang wrote:Today i recieved my 6 week grading period progress report in the mail for my first semester as a junior in high school. The grades were the worst i've recieved throughout my entire high school courier. (keep in mind this is a progress report, and not the report card, the report card comes in 18 weeks, i just got my first 6 week progress report). This time in my honors gov class, i did bad on an essay which dragged my grade from an A to a C, and it happened to show as a C on the progress repot. I also got many B's because i haven't gotten time to study for those classes due to the hard amount of honors courses im taking. Basically i got home my dad looked at this report, and in disgust took out his belt and started whipping me. Fortunatly i had my sweater on so it minimizes the pain. He also give attempts to slap my face, but all of his throws are blocked by my arm, and as a result my right and left arm becames red and swollen. He also threw "light punches/kicks" towards my stomach area, which was also blocked by my arms. I believe if it was an actual punch/kick i wouldn't of been able to block it. My dad had a history of beating me even as a child. One of my most memorabl memories was when i was still in china and around the age of 5 I believe, i accidently spilled a cup of milk, and he furiously kicked me down and kicked/rolled my body with his foot. I've been beaten by him SEVERAL TIMES, and each time he does it, it makes me stronger. As a teen of 17 now, i've managed to develop a strong mentality to take those, but today was different.... He pushed me on the sofa, and used his belt to whip my arms and upper torso, i actually couldn't careless. What disgusted me was when he spat on me, and blew his nose on me as I was down on the sofa. He didn't even do it once, he did it NUMEROUS times. The first time he's ever done that was when i was in 7th grade, and i got a 73% on a math test. I sorta just sucked it up, but now i think i've had enough. He's reached my barrier to the point i can no longer stand. I want to move out. I dont know how, or if my actions will only be selfish. My mom and sister are both loving and caring, and i dont want to ditch them for my own benefits. I've thought about walking to y city's city hall is about 3-4 miles away, i can walk there if i wanted to and ask for help. However something deep in my mind tells me to just stay. I have never publicly revealed this, i've only told it to a few friends, but now i think i'm going to let it loose. Often times i've replaced this abuse with the word "scold", but what im experiencing isn't a disciplinary scold. Here is my other parental issue blog: http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=78488I've made a life goal to stop the child abuse to my generation of children. PS: If my parents finds out i still play SC, and browse TL. the consequences would be even worth.
YPang, you cannot let this abuse continue. Period. It's unfortunate, but a lot of chinese fathers have ridiculously egotistical and unrealistic expectations of their kids. Reading your post was like a kick to the face for me because until I was about 10 and my parents divorced, I went through a lot of the same shit. I didn't realize it then but it had a profoundly negative impact on my life and my ability to empathize with people that lasted until I started college. I was kicked for something as small as forgetting a notebook at school. I had utensils and plates thrown at me. I didn't even recognize it as abuse until YEARS later, because they told me that that's what happened with every family. Now i understand some parents use violence to discipline their kids, but the line is drawn when there's no emotional support or affection coupled with that. i was in the same situation as you and my advice right now is to GET HELP. Do it now before it's too late, frankly.
You cannot deal with this alone. You have to find help. There are resources, altho frankly, I don't know what they are. Find an adult you can trust (make sure you can trust them! if you can't find someone, approach a school counselor) family and they will help you. DO NOT:
edit: oh yeah, fight back. don't punch him in the face or something, just push him over or something of that manner, nothing serious.
This is not a battle of you against your father. It is abuse. You need to treat it like a condition or a crime and resolve it with that attitude.
Good luck, YP.
p.s. ya that was kinda douchey post hotbid o_O
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Ugh asian parents are always so demanding of their children.
Oh no you got one C and a couple Bs on a progress report.
Jesus titty fucking christ he went way overboard on you. Get a baseball bat and beat him with it until he agrees to stop hitting you.
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Learn Jiu-jitsu and make him submit. He'll feel like a real bitch.
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I don't want to go into much detail on my child-hood and private life but....
Went I was 17 my dad slapped me across the face , tripped me and got on top of my and started choking me... I got my ass beat.
That night I woke him up with a knife to his throat.
"Touch me again. Ever and I will fucking kill you. No matter how hard you hit me, you will die"
After that my dad never laid a hand on me, despite his weird complex, in fact from that day on he was scared of me, beceause he knew, he would be dead ..... literally.
After years of verbal abuse and a climatic physicall assult (the only one ever) I crossed the lines of my own sanity and did something I never could have normally done. I regret letting him push me to the point where I would have killed him.
You will eventually snap, whether you are a coward or a saint deep down eventually in some way you will. On some girl, on some guy in some bar, at school , at work, on him. You will eventually snap, I PROMISE YOU. Leave before you lose a peice of your dignity to his cruel and indignit behavior.
Leave, your mom and sister will always love you and in 4-5 years if your lucky and your dad sees you do well and become a good man you will have the honor of him tearfully apologizing. More then one of my friends piece of shit fathers have come around later in life.
Do Not Be A Victim. Being a man sometimes means saving yourself!
Good luck young man, I haven't been... into my memories for years and reading this brought it back somewhat. I'm not a mushy nice guy at all, but I can feel your pain, if you can leave and still finish school and have a safe (non-street) life you have to do it!
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I don't know how it works in the US, but can't you go to the police and file a report?
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Look, AttackZerg's story aside, violent confrontation with your dad is not a good idea. Depending on the kind of guy he is, it could only make him more aggressive. The way to stop it without outside help is to assert yourself emotionally. Speak out against it and make it clear to him he's not just disciplining a child anymore, but an adult.
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this is deep 0_0
I fortunately have not had to deal with this kind of situation
the only thing I can say would be to seek some outside assistance, and definitely do not make it a boxing match between father and son.
i hope everything works out ok for you
edit: my d+ in iccup seems so trivial now...
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Find a way to come start a new life in Canada! If your 17 you should be in the age to go to university right? See if you could just ship the fuck out completly, on your own if you have to. The Army is usually an option, I'm sure China will hook you up if you enlist. Anything better than that shit. You deserve a better life, even if it's harder you'd be happier i bet.
p.s. when you come back from the army you'd be the HNIC and could slap him around. Army is nuts.
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On October 10 2008 14:33 ahrara_ wrote:
Look, AttackZerg's story aside, violent confrontation with your dad is not a good idea. Depending on the kind of guy he is, it could only make him more aggressive. The way to stop it without outside help is to assert yourself emotionally. Speak out against it and make it clear to him he's not just disciplining a child anymore, but an adult.
Snorting and spitting is beyond talking about that. If you will it will more prove your strength against him and clarify that situation is as fucking bad as it looks like with no mistakes.
If you are saying you live with your sister and mother too I can't imagine why your parents aren't divorced if shit like that happens.
If your family doesn't know about this or not enough, start with telling them imo.
Like AttackZerg said Don't Be A Victim. If there is anyone who has to gtfo it's him not you.
And like he said. The sooner the better.
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United States42180 Posts
Call the fucking police. You're still a kid and he's your father ffs. Grown men shouldn't hit children, it's made all the more sickening that it's his own son.
You don't have to put up with it and you shouldn't.
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why didnt you talk about the report card when you handed it to him or was there no chance to reason at all
anyway your dads a fucking cunt i really dont know what to say but
good luck.
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Well, the way it is described by the OP, it looks like a Jackie Chan film without sound.
BACK ON TOPIC:
Spitting on you, that is just unacceptable! You should stand up and fight for your honor and respect you deserve!
I don't know if this is extreme or not, but my dad says if I get a B in high school as a final grade, he's forcing me to drop out and join the army. I think I'm going to join. ._.
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Be reasonable. He wants you to study harder--tell him why you've done your best. Tell him that when he beats you and treats you like shit, it really doesn't help the situation. Do that in front of the entire family, and be able to talk about it without sounding scared. Obviously you're a motivated student, or else why would you be taking honors classes? You should make it clear to your entire family that all your motivation to study comes from within, and not out of some perverted Chinese-American desire to please your family.
Look him in the eye as you say this. Don't flinch. He may get angry, he may throw things, but don't flinch. If he gets violent, well, then he just loses his own legitimacy.
That's what I told my mom (my dad was actually the more chill one) in 9th grade. It worked.
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T_T
im sorry dude, that's really fucking fpjdofjis. i would have ran away or some shit by now. i would rather live on the streets eating out of garbage cans than deal with that. gtfo or talk to someone or something real soon man. that is so uncool.
+ Show Spoiler +now doesn't seem like the time for that hot_bid -_-. although i did chuckle it was for half a second
edit: btw dude, if you lived anywhere near me i would personally go over there and fuck your dad up
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On October 10 2008 14:55 t_co wrote:
Be reasonable. He wants you to study harder--tell him why you've done your best. Tell him that when he beats you and treats you like shit, it really doesn't help the situation. Do that in front of the entire family, and be able to talk about it without sounding scared. Obviously you're a motivated student, or else why would you be taking honors classes? You should make it clear to your entire family that all your motivation to study comes from within, and not out of some perverted Chinese-American desire to please your family.
Look him in the eye as you say this. Don't flinch. He may get angry, he may throw things, but don't flinch. If he gets violent, well, then he just loses his own legitimacy.
That's what I told my mom (my dad was actually the more chill one) in 9th grade. It worked.
This is probably some of the most sound advice in the thread. This is exactly the way to go about it. If you don't think you can bring yourself to do this though, then get outside help.
Like, dude, I have a decent idea of how you feel. You have no reason to feel guilty or embarrassed about approaching another adult about what goes on in your home, or telling a friend. Being abused the way you are being abused is NOT normal. Do not let your family delude you into thinking this is just family business and should be resolved in the family. Have faith that you can find the strength to carry on after getting help. Realize that the life you can potentially lead if you do something about the problem is magnitudes greater than if you never confront it. Any hurt this does to your family is FAR outweighed by the damage it is doing to YOU.
ed:
oh wtf lol you're Yangpang? I thought you were some new guy with a similar name. wtf, you are wayyy too well known and you have too many posts for a name change. gey
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When i got my ass beat, what i did was went to my grandpa and then my dad got his ass beat.
:{
When he confront me about it, i was like:
Har har, you are Asian too!
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EDIT: Ok I read your other thread, so I'm retyping my entire response.
Do you talk with your dad at all? Does he know it's the 18 week grades that get recorded permanently, and the 6 week progress report doesn't matter for crap (to a certain, reasonably degree, since you you fall too badly, it'd be impossible to catch up by the 18 weeks anyway)? Explain that to him clearly. I know it can be hard for Asian parents to grasp that concept (huh, if it doesn't count, why give grade reports that look official?), but having him understand that is the starting point.
Also, compare your grades with the rest of the class. Are you better, equal, or worse than the majority? A C means jackshit if everybody else got D's in the class (and trust me, if you write that down in the application colleges WILL listen), but if most people got B's or better, then you might want to review your studying habits and ask if you were just being lazy. If you just don't want to study, then move out, it'll be easier on both of you that way.
Anyways, where exactly do you stand on ACT/SAT? Every Asian that I knew, including myself, did the weekly SAT/ACT tests, it's normal for us. The thing is, from your other threads, you sound very disappointed when you can't go out for movies, can't play video games, etc. This is what I suggest, your dad may or may not listen. Work out a deal with him, if you achieve certain grades (seems to me in your case you need a full set of A's), you can play games or go out have fun with your friends one day of the week. Do this AFTER you pull a great 18 weeks grades or good ACT/SAT, so you have something as leverage.
If they're still "no you study all day, you make big bucks, money = happy", then they're just close minded and extremely unreasonable. There are more things to life than studying day to night. Once you get into college ACT/SAT will be nothing more than a number. Two year in college, nobody will ask "hey how'd you do on the SAT?".
But don't despair. Even if they are that unreasonable, just hang on for 2 more years. They can't hound you all the way to college now can they? Especially if you do well and get into a good first tier private school that's out of states. If they don't let you go to that school because of cost or whatever reason, then they're just being hypocrites. Why make you study so hard if you're going to end up in a state school anyways?
Hope it works out for you in the end.
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You should seriously beat the fuck out of him once or just scare him with something like waking him up and you having a bat or knife in your hand. Either that or call the cops on him. That kind of abuse is fucking ridiculous.
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Sorry dude you're dad's got some big problems.
What he's doing is like beyond what the normal average parents do. I should be glad the worst I've got from my parents was a simple lecture. But seek help asap.
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Also how about talking to your mom about it?
Oh and,
[B]On October 10 2008 14:54 OmgIRok wrote:[/B
I don't know if this is extreme or not, but my dad says if I get a B in high school as a final grade, he's forcing me to drop out and join the army. I think I'm going to join. ._.
You really don't know whether or not that's extreme? Hmm I wonder.
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[B]On October 10 2008 14:54 OmgIRok wrote:[/B
I don't know if this is extreme or not, but my dad says if I get a B in high school as a final grade, he's forcing me to drop out and join the army. I think I'm going to join. ._.
It's a fucking B, people get into Harvard even when they have MULTIPLE B's. Jesus fucking christ, some parents need to take a chill pill...
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On October 10 2008 15:43 SIUnit wrote:Show nested quote +[B]On October 10 2008 14:54 OmgIRok wrote:[/B
I don't know if this is extreme or not, but my dad says if I get a B in high school as a final grade, he's forcing me to drop out and join the army. I think I'm going to join. ._. It's a fucking B, people get into Harvard even when they have MULTIPLE B's. Jesus fucking christ, some parents need to take a chill pill...
Word. A B is not the end of the world. Let alone fucking undergraduate school. Sure, getting into an undergrad school is great, but if you can't make it, you can always study harder in college to try and transfer or get into a good grad school.
Parents need to realize that good grades aren't everything - there is so much more in life. I'm glad that my parents were more understanding than those asian parents who expected you to get Straight A's or "I'LL BEAT YOU" attitude.
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imo you gotta just suck it up, fucking batshit crazy parents happen, but getting a humiliating beating a few times per year for 2 more years and then having him pay for college for you I think FAR outweighs starting serious fucking family drama by moving out at 17 and getting some shitty full-time job while still in school for 2 years while living in some piece of shit temp home or friends house or something else.
Gotta think long term about this, flipping out after one night might cost you a university education.
p.s. don't be a fucking retard and hold a knife to his throat why he is sleeping and threaten to kill him if he touches you again ROFL easily the most retarded advice I have ever heard in my life.
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wait some of you would trade money (IE a college education) in exchange for getting harshly physically abused, spat on and "nose-blown" on?
Ypang if you've reached your limit for how much of this you can take then I agree with the others that you should talk to someone, IE a school counselor or a police officer.
i think one of the biggest mistakes people make in this situations due to youth is to think that they have to cover up the secret to protect their family, out of loyalty or something.
imo a police officer coming to your house and telling your father he will be arrested if he touches you again will be a healthy deterrent for him. and if it isn't a deterrent, then he will get arrested the next time (assuming cops in your area are competent?).
i do agree with the others though that you should get help. you are a human being and you are a valuable person and you do not deserve that treatment, and (i hope) there are authorities in your state who want to help people like you.
that's just some of my opinions though, i hope you have a place where you can go to think deeply on matters so you can truly come to know what you want regarding this situation. sounds cheesy but i wish i could give you a hug right now man.
PS. it takes a lot of bravery to come out like this and talk about this. you did the right thing though and i appreciate you speaking out about it. the worst thing you can do in these situations is just bottle it up. you took an important first step. and my opinion is you should talk to more people around you about this, especially adults.
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dont make any rash decisions and call up child service because that'll just fuck up your entire family. next time you see him, u should seriously confront him man to man and show him he cant beat you like a dog anymore (i dont mean physically fight him to assert alpha-male dominance or anything but tell him that if he touches you again, you'll fight back with all you got). and if he ever touches you again, beat the shit out of your dad or die trying, i mean it. what kind of wuss beats his son just because he's frustrated by the fact that you dont need straight A's to succeed in the us... if he treats you like an animal, he doesnt deserve any respect either and dont give it to him. he doesnt deserve to be a father but you got to deal with what life gives you.
edit: I read what some of the others have been saying about going to a counselor or police officers, but do you seriously want to get your dad arrested? no doubt he deserves it but the consequences might be worse... and even if he doesnt get arrested, having a police officer come to your front door might push him past the line and have him beat you for trying to get him arrested.. modern culture vs traditionalism can get really ugly. maybe u should talk to one of your dad's friends or your mom about it, but dont make this a legal matter
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On October 10 2008 14:54 OmgIRok wrote:
I don't know if this is extreme or not, but my dad says if I get a B in high school as a final grade, he's forcing me to drop out and join the army. I think I'm going to join. ._.
Extreme is one word, a phrase I would use is "An awful parent."
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On October 10 2008 14:54 OmgIRok wrote:
I don't know if this is extreme or not, but my dad says if I get a B in high school as a final grade, he's forcing me to drop out and join the army. I think I'm going to join. ._.
how exactly is he going to force you o.0? once u're 18, he cant do any legal shit to you
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On October 10 2008 16:19 caelym wrote:
I read what some of the others have been saying about going to a counselor or police officers, but do you seriously want to get your dad arrested? no doubt he deserves it but the consequences might be worse... and even if he doesnt get arrested, having a police officer come to your front door might push him past the line and have him beat you for trying to get him arrested.. modern culture vs traditionalism can get really ugly. maybe u should talk to one of your dad's friends or your mom about it, but dont make this a legal matter
i don't understand this. judging from his post, he will get beaten again in the future, so how is he taking any additional risks by bringing the authorities into it? the only risk i forsee is that the father will kick him out of the house, which seems like that would really suck but at this point what does Ypang have to lose.
i'm not advocating he go to the street or something, but really when a guy is basically treating you like his prison victim you have to take a long hard look at your options.
god i think the lowest form of human beings are the scum that don't even have the decency to realize they are in no way shape or form capable of raising a child, but go ahead and have a child anyways. those people have a special place in hell just for them...
Edit: but just to clarify, i agree that the repercussions of a decision of this magnitude are way too immense to just listen to what other people are telling you. you really have to think long and hard about this and make your own decision. i don't think any of us has the answer except to say we feel for you and hope you somehow pull through this Ypang...
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United States42180 Posts
I'm told that in Asian families the family unit is unbreakable and your obligation to become who your father demands you to be is more important than your right to make your own choices. If this is true for you then ignore my last comment about the police because obviously your father has the right to hit you whenever he feels like because you belong to him. That said, if you feel you do have the right to make your own decisions without fear of having your own father hit you then take action. It'll probably be worse for you long term because the retarded abusive way of forcing kids to become who the father wanted does seem to work. But you will end up making your own choices and being who you want to be.
I'm a white boy so take this example as such. I told my father that I wasn't going to do what he wanted and that he couldn't make me. That if he tried I'd force my mother to choose and she was always going to choose me. That if he kicked me out he'd destroy his family and I'd just end up living with her after the divorce. That it was far simpler for him to keep a roof over my head for another year until I was 18 when I could move out.
We barely spoke for a year but we had no problems. I made my own choices because there was nothing he could threaten me with. I worked part time for spending money, all I got from him was a roof and food. I moved out at 18 and have barely seen him since. I have absolutely no regrets about it because I can look back at my life and be confident that I made the decisions that took me here.
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On October 10 2008 15:58 Elite00fm wrote:
imo you gotta just suck it up, fucking batshit crazy parents happen, but getting a humiliating beating a few times per year for 2 more years and then having him pay for college for you I think FAR outweighs starting serious fucking family drama by moving out at 17 and getting some shitty full-time job while still in school for 2 years while living in some piece of shit temp home or friends house or something else.
Gotta think long term about this, flipping out after one night might cost you a university education.
p.s. don't be a fucking retard and hold a knife to his throat why he is sleeping and threaten to kill him if he touches you again ROFL easily the most retarded advice I have ever heard in my life.
That wasn't advice you illterate peice of shit. It was an example of how abuse can drive you insane. And your advice is the most white trash man-up bullshit I have ever read.
You sir are a fucking retard. Advising somebody to have a fucked up sense of pride and emotional stablity so they can go to college make money and then still be a fucked up loser with a decent job doesn't fix anything problem.
No where in my post did I recommend my actions, I actually said I regret them still.
Everything about your post is fucking pathetic. You are obviously an internet realist with magical wand solutions to real life problems. Guess what jackass being an independent man is better then a pussy wiped gold digging child. Get a clue fucktard.
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United States22883 Posts
On October 10 2008 16:35 a-game wrote:Show nested quote +On October 10 2008 16:19 caelym wrote:
I read what some of the others have been saying about going to a counselor or police officers, but do you seriously want to get your dad arrested? no doubt he deserves it but the consequences might be worse... and even if he doesnt get arrested, having a police officer come to your front door might push him past the line and have him beat you for trying to get him arrested.. modern culture vs traditionalism can get really ugly. maybe u should talk to one of your dad's friends or your mom about it, but dont make this a legal matter i don't understand this. judging from his post, he will get beaten again in the future, so how is he taking any additional risks by bringing the authorities into it? the only risk i forsee is that the father will kick him out of the house, which seems like that would really suck but at this point what does Ypang have to lose. i'm not advocating he go to the street or something, but really when a guy is basically treating you like his prison victim you have to take a long hard look at your options. god i think the lowest form of human beings are the scum that don't even have the decency to realize they are in no way shape or form capable of raising a child, but go ahead and have a child anyways. those people have a special place in hell just for them... Edit: but just to clarify, i agree that the repercussions of a decision of this magnitude are way too immense to just listen to what other people are telling you. you really have to think long and hard about this and make your own decision. i don't think any of us has the answer except to say we feel for you and hope you somehow pull through this Ypang...
The means sounds good, but I doubt the end result that he wants is for his family to be split up or his dad to go to jail. The end result that he wants is for his father to treat him like a good person and respect him. I don't think making him fear you gets that end either.
I'd start with reasoning with him, at a time when he's not angry. Let him know that you understand the mistakes you made and you're addressing them, but that it's not ok for him to degrade you like that and it isn't even helpful for what he wants to accomplish either. Don't blame the bad grades on his behavior, but you can say that every time he hurts you, it becomes more difficult for you to concentrate and perform.
Step 2 is actually concentrating and performing.
If it doesn't help, then there are some more examples in this thread of what you can do. :/
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the important thing to remember is that he will probably beat you again and again until you do something about it. you cant hide your head under your pillow and wait for it to go away because he sounds like a fucking coward.
i dont know how effective counselling and the police and all those support systems and how far they will be able to help you unless you have hard evidence against him, maybe do some research on that sort of stuff first
but man, the guy fucking spat on you and shit. thats fucking low, thats not just abuse thats him degrading you. thats fucking scummy and i think you should stand up to him the next time he tries to fight you and hit him back. tell him everytime he hits him youll hit him back, and everytime he spits on your youll cut one of his fingers off or something like that, so maybe he will hesitate next time.
also, if he comes at you with a weapon or tries to physically kill you or maim you substantially, you should call the police or break his kneecaps in his sleep and tell him not to fuck with you anymore, then call the police. i dont think you can get in trouble for that but if they try to charge you just tell them he was coming at you again and you had to do something.
your young and you dont need this kind of shit happening in your life because itll affect you later on
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I don't know about the OP, but standing up to an abusive father .... is very ..... hard.
Unless you are a beefy ass kid being 15-16-17 and physically standing up to a well formed/strong/dominate man who you also love is very hard. Harder then facing any school bully infact.
Standing up for yourself doesn't work. Verbally or physically.
Don't waste your breath, standing up and failing hurts worse then being beaten =(.
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you are gonna get beat anyway, at least save yourself some emotional pain
imo, if a man is fuckin spitting on you, at this moment in time you dont love him, and you need to do something right now to stop this horrible shit
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If my dad did that i'd fight back and knock the shit out of him.
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On October 10 2008 15:06 haduken wrote:
When i got my ass beat, what i did was went to my grandpa and then my dad got his ass beat.
:{
When he confront me about it, i was like:
Har har, you are Asian too!
hahahaha that's hilarious! i gotta admit i laughed at hb's joke too
and i think the first person you should talk to is a school counselor. go in there, shut the door, tell them what happened, and show them your bruises. high school counselors get their jobs because no matter how much bullshit they have to deal with, they absolutely want to help kids in whatever way they can. i'm not gonna pretend to know exactly how much influence they have, but if that means not sending your report card home, i think they can probably do something about that. it's not like they're gonna be like "well maybe don't get a B u idiot???"
once that's out of the way, and i think that's the most important step at the moment, you can start to look into other options for your future.
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On October 10 2008 17:12 AttackZerg wrote:Show nested quote +On October 10 2008 15:58 Elite00fm wrote:
imo you gotta just suck it up, fucking batshit crazy parents happen, but getting a humiliating beating a few times per year for 2 more years and then having him pay for college for you I think FAR outweighs starting serious fucking family drama by moving out at 17 and getting some shitty full-time job while still in school for 2 years while living in some piece of shit temp home or friends house or something else.
Gotta think long term about this, flipping out after one night might cost you a university education.
p.s. don't be a fucking retard and hold a knife to his throat why he is sleeping and threaten to kill him if he touches you again ROFL easily the most retarded advice I have ever heard in my life. That wasn't advice you illterate peice of shit. It was an example of how abuse can drive you insane. And your advice is the most white trash man-up bullshit I have ever read. You sir are a fucking retard. Advising somebody to have a fucked up sense of pride and emotional stablity so they can go to college make money and then still be a fucked up loser with a decent job doesn't fix anything problem. No where in my post did I recommend my actions, I actually said I regret them still. Everything about your post is fucking pathetic. You are obviously an internet realist with magical wand solutions to real life problems. Guess what jackass being an independent man is better then a pussy wiped gold digging child. Get a clue fucktard.
haha wow, first off I especially like how you call me an "illterate peice of shit" spelling both illiterate and piece wrong, and then go on tell me that realistic long-term advice is retarded and fucked up? I don't even really know why I need to justify my position to a fucking psychopath who held a knife to someone's throat and threatened to kill them, but I'm going to do it anyway for anyone else who might not see where I am coming from (people who think rationally that is).
The OP doesn't seem fucked up, and I doubt getting few doses of abuse are going to fuck him up mentally as he is 17, meaning he wont end up as a "fucked up loser" later in life. If his dad is pulling this shit (and yes, I do acknowledge that this is abuse and is completely over the line in terms of discipline) because of his grades, worst case scenario is that he is going to get this treatment like what, maybe 4-8 more times throughout his junior and senior years of high school?
This doesn't seem like its some kind of fucking habitual "come home drunk and beat the shit out of your kid daily" kind of abuse, it seems like its just his dad going fucking nuts over his grades. So by using "white trash man-up bullshit" as you put it, he is going to have a few shitty days over the next 2 years.
Now if he does what you advocate and leave because he will eventually "snap" (oh and by the way, not everyone is a fucking lunatic like you, and just by reading your post I'm pretty sure you're a future office/school shooter because your teacher/boss/whatever doesn't understand you or some other psychopathic shit that causes you to snap) then what will he do? Live with a friend? Find a relative to live with? Try and live on his own? First of all, it would be hard to move in with a friend seeing as the friend's parents would probably just call the police, serious fucking drama would ensue for a few months, court shit happens, then either his dad goes to jail or he ends up moving back in with his family lol. Probably same case with relative, except more drama would ensue and his dad would most likely be able to just convince the relative that it was just discipline and his son is being oversensitive and he would be forced to move back in. THE WORST solution would be trying to live on his own. If he says he is having trouble finding time to keep up with all his honors courses already, a 40+ hour a week job at fucking McDonalds or some other shitty job isn't going to help him. Oh and you think a 17 year old could EVER get a loan for anything? Down payments? Education loans? Yeah I didn't think so. Anyway moving out would pretty much ruin his entire life, as opposed to having him suffer through a few shitty years.
Advising somebody to have a fucked up sense of pride and emotional stablity so they can go to college make money and then still be a fucked up loser with a decent job doesn't fix anything problem.
oh man i'm sorry. this is too retarded not too refute. Last time I checked pride wasn't serious business, shit happens, i don't think some shit that happened when he was 17 is going to affect his emotional stability and destroy his sense of pride. If he is normal now, and seems to be, he isn't going to go insane over this, which is clearly what happened to you when you got into some emo faggot bitch scuffle with your dad over something you probably deserved because you are clearly a worthless piece of shit, and it fucked you for your whole life because you were probably an emotionally unstable faggot emo kid to begin with.
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wow.... that's disgusting. Hitting is bad enough, but spitting and shooting snot at you?
I'm just very thankful I never had this, because I'd smash him in the face with a hammer or something when he wasn't looking. Go to the cops or something man, that's horrible.
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start working out n kick his ass
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Well how much bigger is he than you? Just beat his ass.
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On October 10 2008 20:06 Elite00fm wrote:Show nested quote +On October 10 2008 17:12 AttackZerg wrote:On October 10 2008 15:58 Elite00fm wrote:
imo you gotta just suck it up, fucking batshit crazy parents happen, but getting a humiliating beating a few times per year for 2 more years and then having him pay for college for you I think FAR outweighs starting serious fucking family drama by moving out at 17 and getting some shitty full-time job while still in school for 2 years while living in some piece of shit temp home or friends house or something else.
Gotta think long term about this, flipping out after one night might cost you a university education.
p.s. don't be a fucking retard and hold a knife to his throat why he is sleeping and threaten to kill him if he touches you again ROFL easily the most retarded advice I have ever heard in my life. That wasn't advice you illterate peice of shit. It was an example of how abuse can drive you insane. And your advice is the most white trash man-up bullshit I have ever read. You sir are a fucking retard. Advising somebody to have a fucked up sense of pride and emotional stablity so they can go to college make money and then still be a fucked up loser with a decent job doesn't fix anything problem. No where in my post did I recommend my actions, I actually said I regret them still. Everything about your post is fucking pathetic. You are obviously an internet realist with magical wand solutions to real life problems. Guess what jackass being an independent man is better then a pussy wiped gold digging child. Get a clue fucktard. haha wow, first off I especially like how you call me an "illterate peice of shit" spelling both illiterate and piece wrong, and then go on tell me that realistic long-term advice is retarded and fucked up? I don't even really know why I need to justify my position to a fucking psychopath who held a knife to someone's throat and threatened to kill them, but I'm going to do it anyway for anyone else who might not see where I am coming from (people who think rationally that is). The OP doesn't seem fucked up, and I doubt getting few doses of abuse are going to fuck him up mentally as he is 17, meaning he wont end up as a "fucked up loser" later in life. If his dad is pulling this shit (and yes, I do acknowledge that this is abuse and is completely over the line in terms of discipline) because of his grades, worst case scenario is that he is going to get this treatment like what, maybe 4-8 more times throughout his junior and senior years of high school? This doesn't seem like its some kind of fucking habitual "come home drunk and beat the shit out of your kid daily" kind of abuse, it seems like its just his dad going fucking nuts over his grades. So by using "white trash man-up bullshit" as you put it, he is going to have a few shitty days over the next 2 years. Now if he does what you advocate and leave because he will eventually "snap" (oh and by the way, not everyone is a fucking lunatic like you, and just by reading your post I'm pretty sure you're a future office/school shooter because your teacher/boss/whatever doesn't understand you or some other psychopathic shit that causes you to snap) then what will he do? Live with a friend? Find a relative to live with? Try and live on his own? First of all, it would be hard to move in with a friend seeing as the friend's parents would probably just call the police, serious fucking drama would ensue for a few months, court shit happens, then either his dad goes to jail or he ends up moving back in with his family lol. Probably same case with relative, except more drama would ensue and his dad would most likely be able to just convince the relative that it was just discipline and his son is being oversensitive and he would be forced to move back in. THE WORST solution would be trying to live on his own. If he says he is having trouble finding time to keep up with all his honors courses already, a 40+ hour a week job at fucking McDonalds or some other shitty job isn't going to help him. Oh and you think a 17 year old could EVER get a loan for anything? Down payments? Education loans? Yeah I didn't think so. Anyway moving out would pretty much ruin his entire life, as opposed to having him suffer through a few shitty years. Show nested quote + Advising somebody to have a fucked up sense of pride and emotional stablity so they can go to college make money and then still be a fucked up loser with a decent job doesn't fix anything problem. oh man i'm sorry. this is too retarded not too refute. Last time I checked pride wasn't serious business, shit happens, i don't think some shit that happened when he was 17 is going to affect his emotional stability and destroy his sense of pride. If he is normal now, and seems to be, he isn't going to go insane over this, which is clearly what happened to you when you got into some emo faggot bitch scuffle with your dad over something you probably deserved because you are clearly a worthless piece of shit, and it fucked you for your whole life because you were probably an emotionally unstable faggot emo kid to begin with.
you can't understand the psychological damage being physically dominated by someone does to you. it chips at your self-confidence and self-esteem. 17 year olds are hardly immune to psychological harm. nevermind how it's obviously distracting from everything elsei n life. look, i understand you're trying to help, but maybe posting like an "internet realist" and presuming so much shit about something you don't seem to have a lot of intimate experience with probably doesn't help? i'm just saying if you haven't been involved in a situation like this, you're not qualified to give help or advice. this is exactly the kind of judgment that makes it hard for people to get out of abusive relationships. it is NEVER fucking ok to throw things at your kid or spit at him or kick him to the point of bruising i dont give a fuck about your culture.
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Dang what is it with asian parents. Sounds like my case. Not that I suggest this, but in my case, I escalated it. Resulting in a broken jaw for the aggressor. After that I had no problems.
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holy shit dude. Thats one of the most fucked up things i have ever read. you are 17, get the fuck out of there or fight back. i am just in complete shock right now. Please dont continue to live with such a maniac. Your dad has some serious issues and you need to get out.
edit:
imo you gotta just suck it up, fucking batshit crazy parents happen, but getting a humiliating beating a few times per year for 2 more years and then having him pay for college for you I think FAR outweighs starting serious fucking family drama by moving out at 17 and getting some shitty full-time job while still in school for 2 years while living in some piece of shit temp home or friends house or something else.
Gotta think long term about this, flipping out after one night might cost you a university education.
p.s. don't be a fucking retard and hold a knife to his throat why he is sleeping and threaten to kill him if he touches you again ROFL easily the most retarded advice I have ever heard in my life.
This guy is a fucking idiot. DO NOT LISTEN TO HIM. What happened to you is some serious abuse. No person on earth should have that done to them by their parents. You father committed a felony offense and obviously you arent going to charge him because he is family, but get the fuck out. No abuse is worth a universtiy education.
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United States17042 Posts
On October 11 2008 01:34 EtherealDeath wrote:
Dang what is it with asian parents. Sounds like my case. Not that I suggest this, but in my case, I escalated it. Resulting in a broken jaw for the aggressor. After that I had no problems.
I don't think this is advisable, as you have just as great of a chance hurting yourself as you do hurting your aggressor.
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Heh, I used to be really low in self esteem/confidence, but during the past few months i've managed to gained a lot of confidence just because i've grown bigger, and my dad no longer seems that big and a threat to me anymore. When i was smaller, i was really scared of him, and he knew it too... Right now, i don't really feel scared of getting hurt, but i fear of not knowing whats going to happen.
LIke if i knew i was going to have to go through 11 lashes, i wouldn't feel that fear, but its not knowing how much i have to go through that gets my hurt pumping faster.
PS: I've read every single post here... 
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I initially didn't want to respond to this thread, but I guess I will anyway..
My understanding of Asian family dynamics is pretty weak, but I think that you should choose your next actions very carefully. Try to think about what your father has sacrificed for you, and why he did this to you. If he hasn't done much for you, and he was only alleviating his own frustration, then perhaps you should consider distancing yourself from his authority.. But if he has, consider what you're sacrificing if you leave. Was he going to pay for your university?
As a white kid grown up in a white family, I would talk to my father first, and let him know that this was crossing the line. That to be spat on was not just hurtful, but also made me feel as if he didn't love me as a son. If he hit or spat on me again in this conversation, I'd go so far as to defend myself, and then leave.
I don't think it's your father's goal to disown you. I think he's just got some horrifying ways of keeping you in line. If he knows they won't work (you walk out on him), I honestly think he'll feel deep regret and a sense of his own failure.
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That said... This is a personal problem, and only you can know the answer. If you're afraid to talk to your father, then at least talk to your mother and sister before you just up and leave. They may convince you otherwise. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope that you act on rationality, not emotion when you decide your best course of action.
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On October 10 2008 13:58 Hot_Bid wrote:
if i saw my kid imitating firebathero i'd beat his ass too
Not funny and inappropriate.
GS, only you know if this shit has really gotten to the point of serious action. From anyones third person point of view here, this shit sounds wrong and goes beyond physical scolding. A lot of parents sometimes belt their kid on the ass or spankings if they do something wrong, but this sounds like it goes beyond that and into child abuse. If I were you I would talk to counsellors at school about it. I think it would be too much to leave your home because of this, your life would be completely different and I don't think you'd be ready for that. Yet if your Dad knows that your serious about putting an end to this (by him getting in shit with child services or police) then he might chill the fuck out and not be so abusive.
BTW I'l talk to you on MSN if you want about this too
EDIT: I read the whole thread and don't listen to the people telling you to fight back. Having a fist fight with your father isn't going to solve anything; neither will threatening to kill him. Your father is still your father and I think he needs to realize that this type of shit is abuse and your not going to take it anymore. Talk to a professional who handles this type of stuff (counsellors or at least something that counsellors can put you in touch with) and then go from there. Good luck,
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On October 10 2008 20:06 Elite00fm wrote:Show nested quote +On October 10 2008 17:12 AttackZerg wrote:On October 10 2008 15:58 Elite00fm wrote:
imo you gotta just suck it up, fucking batshit crazy parents happen, but getting a humiliating beating a few times per year for 2 more years and then having him pay for college for you I think FAR outweighs starting serious fucking family drama by moving out at 17 and getting some shitty full-time job while still in school for 2 years while living in some piece of shit temp home or friends house or something else.
Gotta think long term about this, flipping out after one night might cost you a university education.
p.s. don't be a fucking retard and hold a knife to his throat why he is sleeping and threaten to kill him if he touches you again ROFL easily the most retarded advice I have ever heard in my life. That wasn't advice you illterate peice of shit. It was an example of how abuse can drive you insane. And your advice is the most white trash man-up bullshit I have ever read. You sir are a fucking retard. Advising somebody to have a fucked up sense of pride and emotional stablity so they can go to college make money and then still be a fucked up loser with a decent job doesn't fix anything problem. No where in my post did I recommend my actions, I actually said I regret them still. Everything about your post is fucking pathetic. You are obviously an internet realist with magical wand solutions to real life problems. Guess what jackass being an independent man is better then a pussy wiped gold digging child. Get a clue fucktard. haha wow, first off I especially like how you call me an "illterate peice of shit" spelling both illiterate and piece wrong, and then go on tell me that realistic long-term advice is retarded and fucked up? I don't even really know why I need to justify my position to a fucking psychopath who held a knife to someone's throat and threatened to kill them, but I'm going to do it anyway for anyone else who might not see where I am coming from (people who think rationally that is). The OP doesn't seem fucked up, and I doubt getting few doses of abuse are going to fuck him up mentally as he is 17, meaning he wont end up as a "fucked up loser" later in life. If his dad is pulling this shit (and yes, I do acknowledge that this is abuse and is completely over the line in terms of discipline) because of his grades, worst case scenario is that he is going to get this treatment like what, maybe 4-8 more times throughout his junior and senior years of high school? This doesn't seem like its some kind of fucking habitual "come home drunk and beat the shit out of your kid daily" kind of abuse, it seems like its just his dad going fucking nuts over his grades. So by using "white trash man-up bullshit" as you put it, he is going to have a few shitty days over the next 2 years. Now if he does what you advocate and leave because he will eventually "snap" (oh and by the way, not everyone is a fucking lunatic like you, and just by reading your post I'm pretty sure you're a future office/school shooter because your teacher/boss/whatever doesn't understand you or some other psychopathic shit that causes you to snap) then what will he do? Live with a friend? Find a relative to live with? Try and live on his own? First of all, it would be hard to move in with a friend seeing as the friend's parents would probably just call the police, serious fucking drama would ensue for a few months, court shit happens, then either his dad goes to jail or he ends up moving back in with his family lol. Probably same case with relative, except more drama would ensue and his dad would most likely be able to just convince the relative that it was just discipline and his son is being oversensitive and he would be forced to move back in. THE WORST solution would be trying to live on his own. If he says he is having trouble finding time to keep up with all his honors courses already, a 40+ hour a week job at fucking McDonalds or some other shitty job isn't going to help him. Oh and you think a 17 year old could EVER get a loan for anything? Down payments? Education loans? Yeah I didn't think so. Anyway moving out would pretty much ruin his entire life, as opposed to having him suffer through a few shitty years. Show nested quote + Advising somebody to have a fucked up sense of pride and emotional stablity so they can go to college make money and then still be a fucked up loser with a decent job doesn't fix anything problem. oh man i'm sorry. this is too retarded not too refute. Last time I checked pride wasn't serious business, shit happens, i don't think some shit that happened when he was 17 is going to affect his emotional stability and destroy his sense of pride. If he is normal now, and seems to be, he isn't going to go insane over this, which is clearly what happened to you when you got into some emo faggot bitch scuffle with your dad over something you probably deserved because you are clearly a worthless piece of shit, and it fucked you for your whole life because you were probably an emotionally unstable faggot emo kid to begin with.
I'd like to see how you would act if your father began beating the shit out of you. Your a fucking idiot. Shit like this will affect you, how old are you? I agree when you say that beating up his father or ambushing him is terrible advice, it's an extreme, but so is your advice. Your advice is to suck it up because it isn't that bad and you have no idea what your talking about.
He isn't going insane over this but he is posting this for advice because hes got to the point now where he feels this shit needs to stop. BTW; In Canada, a 17 year old can get student loans, scholarships and help from the government in order to go to school. Your in debt afterwards, but it's a way to go to school without having a lot of money saved it. I don't know if it's like in the States, so I won't say your wrong, but I am skeptical of your information on that.
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On October 11 2008 06:06 Salv wrote:Show nested quote +On October 10 2008 20:06 Elite00fm wrote:On October 10 2008 17:12 AttackZerg wrote:On October 10 2008 15:58 Elite00fm wrote:
imo you gotta just suck it up, fucking batshit crazy parents happen, but getting a humiliating beating a few times per year for 2 more years and then having him pay for college for you I think FAR outweighs starting serious fucking family drama by moving out at 17 and getting some shitty full-time job while still in school for 2 years while living in some piece of shit temp home or friends house or something else.
Gotta think long term about this, flipping out after one night might cost you a university education.
p.s. don't be a fucking retard and hold a knife to his throat why he is sleeping and threaten to kill him if he touches you again ROFL easily the most retarded advice I have ever heard in my life. That wasn't advice you illterate peice of shit. It was an example of how abuse can drive you insane. And your advice is the most white trash man-up bullshit I have ever read. You sir are a fucking retard. Advising somebody to have a fucked up sense of pride and emotional stablity so they can go to college make money and then still be a fucked up loser with a decent job doesn't fix anything problem. No where in my post did I recommend my actions, I actually said I regret them still. Everything about your post is fucking pathetic. You are obviously an internet realist with magical wand solutions to real life problems. Guess what jackass being an independent man is better then a pussy wiped gold digging child. Get a clue fucktard. haha wow, first off I especially like how you call me an "illterate peice of shit" spelling both illiterate and piece wrong, and then go on tell me that realistic long-term advice is retarded and fucked up? I don't even really know why I need to justify my position to a fucking psychopath who held a knife to someone's throat and threatened to kill them, but I'm going to do it anyway for anyone else who might not see where I am coming from (people who think rationally that is). The OP doesn't seem fucked up, and I doubt getting few doses of abuse are going to fuck him up mentally as he is 17, meaning he wont end up as a "fucked up loser" later in life. If his dad is pulling this shit (and yes, I do acknowledge that this is abuse and is completely over the line in terms of discipline) because of his grades, worst case scenario is that he is going to get this treatment like what, maybe 4-8 more times throughout his junior and senior years of high school? This doesn't seem like its some kind of fucking habitual "come home drunk and beat the shit out of your kid daily" kind of abuse, it seems like its just his dad going fucking nuts over his grades. So by using "white trash man-up bullshit" as you put it, he is going to have a few shitty days over the next 2 years. Now if he does what you advocate and leave because he will eventually "snap" (oh and by the way, not everyone is a fucking lunatic like you, and just by reading your post I'm pretty sure you're a future office/school shooter because your teacher/boss/whatever doesn't understand you or some other psychopathic shit that causes you to snap) then what will he do? Live with a friend? Find a relative to live with? Try and live on his own? First of all, it would be hard to move in with a friend seeing as the friend's parents would probably just call the police, serious fucking drama would ensue for a few months, court shit happens, then either his dad goes to jail or he ends up moving back in with his family lol. Probably same case with relative, except more drama would ensue and his dad would most likely be able to just convince the relative that it was just discipline and his son is being oversensitive and he would be forced to move back in. THE WORST solution would be trying to live on his own. If he says he is having trouble finding time to keep up with all his honors courses already, a 40+ hour a week job at fucking McDonalds or some other shitty job isn't going to help him. Oh and you think a 17 year old could EVER get a loan for anything? Down payments? Education loans? Yeah I didn't think so. Anyway moving out would pretty much ruin his entire life, as opposed to having him suffer through a few shitty years. Advising somebody to have a fucked up sense of pride and emotional stablity so they can go to college make money and then still be a fucked up loser with a decent job doesn't fix anything problem. oh man i'm sorry. this is too retarded not too refute. Last time I checked pride wasn't serious business, shit happens, i don't think some shit that happened when he was 17 is going to affect his emotional stability and destroy his sense of pride. If he is normal now, and seems to be, he isn't going to go insane over this, which is clearly what happened to you when you got into some emo faggot bitch scuffle with your dad over something you probably deserved because you are clearly a worthless piece of shit, and it fucked you for your whole life because you were probably an emotionally unstable faggot emo kid to begin with. I'd like to see how you would act if your father began beating the shit out of you. Your a fucking idiot.
In a way, my response in my case wasn't too different. Other than the initiating step, where I did snap and fought back. But after that, I realized the greater worth of that other path that Elite00fm suggested.
It's not worth walking out, that will set you back further than it will get you ahead.
Now if you have reached your breaking point in ignoring this stupid bullshit, what I realized (at least in my particular situation) was:
1) There's not too much hope changing parents' view. At any rate, the energy spent isn't worth the outcome, as that energy could have been applied elsewhere to much greater effect.
2) A good way to blow off steam was in quick, rapid burst, maximum intensity workouts: whether these be standard ones, or weapons/martial arts type workouts (the latter were much much more effective for me, beating the shit out of a bag or the air was very effective). I'm not advocating blind application though. Use your piss offness to give you extra energy in everything you pursue.
3) Remember the importance of the future. Whatever you do now, you must take the situation given to you and make the best use of it. The future may seem far off, where you are independent, but once you reach it, you'll realize how short that time period really was.
I wouldn't call myself a passive person, but in my experience this seemingly passive approach worked best. I did try talking to parents, but if they get to this point, it's pretty much pointless. Who knows, maybe you would have more luck, but I wouldn't bet on it too much.
Anger is quite a useful tool, if you use it to strengthen you. It was for me anyways. It sharpened my mind quite substantially when focused, and applied properly. Use to improve yourself, your grades, and your overall standing, not just in school, but in competition (like AIME/USAMO (I did math stuff, so i dunno about other such competitions which denote skill)), and make it so your parents have nothing to bitch about.
Anyways, you can reach me on AIM as RaptorAce89 or in IRC as EtherealDeath if you want to talk more.
Hope things go better for you.
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On October 11 2008 06:17 EtherealDeath wrote:Show nested quote +On October 11 2008 06:06 Salv wrote:On October 10 2008 20:06 Elite00fm wrote:On October 10 2008 17:12 AttackZerg wrote:On October 10 2008 15:58 Elite00fm wrote:
imo you gotta just suck it up, fucking batshit crazy parents happen, but getting a humiliating beating a few times per year for 2 more years and then having him pay for college for you I think FAR outweighs starting serious fucking family drama by moving out at 17 and getting some shitty full-time job while still in school for 2 years while living in some piece of shit temp home or friends house or something else.
Gotta think long term about this, flipping out after one night might cost you a university education.
p.s. don't be a fucking retard and hold a knife to his throat why he is sleeping and threaten to kill him if he touches you again ROFL easily the most retarded advice I have ever heard in my life. That wasn't advice you illterate peice of shit. It was an example of how abuse can drive you insane. And your advice is the most white trash man-up bullshit I have ever read. You sir are a fucking retard. Advising somebody to have a fucked up sense of pride and emotional stablity so they can go to college make money and then still be a fucked up loser with a decent job doesn't fix anything problem. No where in my post did I recommend my actions, I actually said I regret them still. Everything about your post is fucking pathetic. You are obviously an internet realist with magical wand solutions to real life problems. Guess what jackass being an independent man is better then a pussy wiped gold digging child. Get a clue fucktard. haha wow, first off I especially like how you call me an "illterate peice of shit" spelling both illiterate and piece wrong, and then go on tell me that realistic long-term advice is retarded and fucked up? I don't even really know why I need to justify my position to a fucking psychopath who held a knife to someone's throat and threatened to kill them, but I'm going to do it anyway for anyone else who might not see where I am coming from (people who think rationally that is). The OP doesn't seem fucked up, and I doubt getting few doses of abuse are going to fuck him up mentally as he is 17, meaning he wont end up as a "fucked up loser" later in life. If his dad is pulling this shit (and yes, I do acknowledge that this is abuse and is completely over the line in terms of discipline) because of his grades, worst case scenario is that he is going to get this treatment like what, maybe 4-8 more times throughout his junior and senior years of high school? This doesn't seem like its some kind of fucking habitual "come home drunk and beat the shit out of your kid daily" kind of abuse, it seems like its just his dad going fucking nuts over his grades. So by using "white trash man-up bullshit" as you put it, he is going to have a few shitty days over the next 2 years. Now if he does what you advocate and leave because he will eventually "snap" (oh and by the way, not everyone is a fucking lunatic like you, and just by reading your post I'm pretty sure you're a future office/school shooter because your teacher/boss/whatever doesn't understand you or some other psychopathic shit that causes you to snap) then what will he do? Live with a friend? Find a relative to live with? Try and live on his own? First of all, it would be hard to move in with a friend seeing as the friend's parents would probably just call the police, serious fucking drama would ensue for a few months, court shit happens, then either his dad goes to jail or he ends up moving back in with his family lol. Probably same case with relative, except more drama would ensue and his dad would most likely be able to just convince the relative that it was just discipline and his son is being oversensitive and he would be forced to move back in. THE WORST solution would be trying to live on his own. If he says he is having trouble finding time to keep up with all his honors courses already, a 40+ hour a week job at fucking McDonalds or some other shitty job isn't going to help him. Oh and you think a 17 year old could EVER get a loan for anything? Down payments? Education loans? Yeah I didn't think so. Anyway moving out would pretty much ruin his entire life, as opposed to having him suffer through a few shitty years. Advising somebody to have a fucked up sense of pride and emotional stablity so they can go to college make money and then still be a fucked up loser with a decent job doesn't fix anything problem. oh man i'm sorry. this is too retarded not too refute. Last time I checked pride wasn't serious business, shit happens, i don't think some shit that happened when he was 17 is going to affect his emotional stability and destroy his sense of pride. If he is normal now, and seems to be, he isn't going to go insane over this, which is clearly what happened to you when you got into some emo faggot bitch scuffle with your dad over something you probably deserved because you are clearly a worthless piece of shit, and it fucked you for your whole life because you were probably an emotionally unstable faggot emo kid to begin with. I'd like to see how you would act if your father began beating the shit out of you. Your a fucking idiot. In a way, my response in my case wasn't too different. Other than the initiating step, where I did snap and fought back. But after that, I realized the greater worth of that other path that Elite00fm suggested. It's not worth walking out, that will set you back further than it will get you ahead. Now if you have reached your breaking point in ignoring this stupid bullshit, what I realized (at least in my particular situation) was: 1) There's not too much hope changing parents' view. At any rate, the energy spent isn't worth the outcome, as that energy could have been applied elsewhere to much greater effect. 2) A good way to blow off steam was in quick, rapid burst, maximum intensity workouts: whether these be standard ones, or weapons/martial arts type workouts (the latter were much much more effective for me, beating the shit out of a bag or the air was very effective). I'm not advocating blind application though. Use your piss offness to give you extra energy in everything you pursue. 3) Remember the importance of the future. Whatever you do now, you must take the situation given to you and make the best use of it. The future may seem far off, where you are independent, but once you reach it, you'll realize how short that time period really was. I wouldn't call myself a passive person, but in my experience this seemingly passive approach worked best. I did try talking to parents, but if they get to this point, it's pretty much pointless. Who knows, maybe you would have more luck, but I wouldn't bet on it too much. Anger is quite a useful tool, if you use it to strengthen you. It was for me anyways. It sharpened my mind quite substantially when focused, and applied properly. Use to improve yourself, your grades, and your overall standing, not just in school, but in competition (like AIME/USAMO (I did math stuff, so i dunno about other such competitions which denote skill)), and make it so your parents have nothing to bitch about. Anyways, you can reach me on AIM as RaptorAce89 or in IRC as EtherealDeath if you want to talk more. Hope things go better for you.
I see what your saying, but I want to make it clear what my opinion on this was. Yang isn't at the point of 'ignoring' this because he said he used to do that before, but now he is reaching a point where he cannot; thus venting on this blog. I don't think he should live like this, but I don't advocate beating up your parents or threatening them with violence; I don't think that will solve anything. I think that Elite00fm is advocating an extreme, one in which Yang does nothing. Some other people were saying to try to fight his dad or threaten to kill him, that's also an extreme. I think what Yang needs to do is talk to a counsellor and they can confront the father or let him know that what he does is inappropriate. I don't think Yang talking to his father one on one is a good idea, he needs support from outside forces, either the school or police or w/e.
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Thankfully I'm 2x the size of my dad. (I don't even think he's my real dad)
I'd waste him.
But yeah dude that's bullshit, but there is not much you can do really until you move out. Unless you want to get the police involved.
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Get him out of your life T_T;
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next time he does it just make it really awkward and yell out stuff like "OHH YEAH I LIKE IT LIKE THIS, REAL ROUGH!" and shit like that. he'll probably feel waaaay too awkward to ever do it again.
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HOW DARE YOU GET A GOD DAMNED C GOD DAMN IT YPANG IF I WAS YOUR DAD I'D WHIP YOU TOO A GOD DAMN C???????
J/k friends.
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I highly recommend you don't call the police or move out. Despite the fact that you are getting owned (typical of MANY MANY asian parents, mine too), I suggest you just deal with it since you are going to go to college soon. My suggestion is to dorm in a college so that you don't simply drive there for classes then come back home. Not only is it a subpar college experience, I'm sure you don't want your dad on your ass for a reasonable drop in grades that happen not because you are dumb but because of circumstances.
Most likely your dad still sees you as an immature kid simply because of his ego despite your age of 17. I am 18 yet my dad still treats me and talks to me as if I am a retard who doesn't understand a thing.
Don't get a knife to your dad's throat either; it could work but it could turn out really, really bad as well. Instead you should consider wearing a nice, black trenchcoat that will effectively stop the pain of belts and blows. It will work much better then your sweater and you can fake your pain so that he will stop beating you maybe as you squirm in "pain."
Edit: Also, almost every asian Dad I know is fucked up in the same way so just know that you are not alone (although this is the first time i've heard of a dad blowing his nose on his son). So yes, don't worry about your dad being a homo because things will get better once you get into college. Don't feel bad about venting to your close friends or even on teamliquid since there's people who you can relate to in almost every level.
Fighting back violence with violence is not the answer, just know that
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On October 11 2008 10:34 SaveyourSaviOrlaptop wrote:
I highly recommend you don't call the police or move out. Despite the fact that you are getting owned (typical of MANY MANY asian parents, mine too), I suggest you just deal with it since you are going to go to college soon. My suggestion is to dorm in a college so that you don't simply drive there for classes then come back home. Not only is it a subpar college experience, I'm sure you don't want your dad on your ass for a reasonable drop in grades that happen not because you are dumb but because of circumstances.
Most likely your dad still sees you as an immature kid simply because of his ego despite your age of 17. I am 18 yet my dad still treats me and talks to me as if I am a retard who doesn't understand a thing.
Don't get a knife to your dad's throat either; it could work but it could turn out really, really bad as well. Instead you should consider wearing a nice, black trenchcoat that will effectively stop the pain of belts and blows. It will work much better then your sweater and you can fake your pain so that he will stop beating you maybe as you squirm in "pain."
i think this post combined with the other guy who advised you to reason with your dad on an adult level is a the right approach. it's not worth starting a huge eruption of problems with police and everything, but you can't just let your dad get away with it
gl man
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Everytime he beats me like that, he'd usually act apologetic the next day, but he doesn't promise to not do it again. He asks to show him my scars, and I often don't want to. He's seen many of the marks he's given me, but he doesn't ever promise to not do it again thats something else that bothers me.
Back when i was a child, i'd scream and cry as I was beat, and all he did was say that the more I cry and scream the more he'll beat me, and as a result i no longer show emotions as he brings out his belt...
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so obviously he feels guilty, but not guilty enough. you need to communicate with him just how much this abuse hurts you so that he really understands how deeply guilty he should be. you need to bring him to reality, make him realize that he is physically abusing his son and that it is not ok. it's not going to be easy dude, but it will pay off TONS in the long run.
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On October 11 2008 05:53 Salv wrote:
A lot of parents sometimes belt their kid on the ass or spankings if they do something wrong, but this sounds like it goes beyond that and into child abuse.
EDIT: I read the whole thread and don't listen to the people telling you to fight back. Having a fist fight with your father isn't going to solve anything; neither will threatening to kill him. Your father is still your father and I think he needs to realize that this type of shit is abuse and your not going to take it anymore. Talk to a professional who handles this type of stuff (counsellors or at least something that counsellors can put you in touch with) and then go from there. Good luck,
I think he knows this is abuse, and he just doesn't care, because he closes the window blinds before he does anything... -,-;;
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On October 11 2008 07:43 Nitrogen23 wrote:
next time he does it just make it really awkward and yell out stuff like "OHH YEAH I LIKE IT LIKE THIS, REAL ROUGH!" and shit like that. he'll probably feel waaaay too awkward to ever do it again.
OMG LOLOLOL
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in all seriousness if that happened his dad will be like wtf this kid isnt taking this punishment seriously i will abuse him even more
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challenge him to a 1v1 on LT and the loser has to leave
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On October 11 2008 12:21 YPang wrote:Show nested quote +On October 11 2008 05:53 Salv wrote:
A lot of parents sometimes belt their kid on the ass or spankings if they do something wrong, but this sounds like it goes beyond that and into child abuse.
EDIT: I read the whole thread and don't listen to the people telling you to fight back. Having a fist fight with your father isn't going to solve anything; neither will threatening to kill him. Your father is still your father and I think he needs to realize that this type of shit is abuse and your not going to take it anymore. Talk to a professional who handles this type of stuff (counsellors or at least something that counsellors can put you in touch with) and then go from there. Good luck, I think he knows this is abuse, and he just doesn't care, because he closes the window blinds before he does anything... -,-;;
What are you thoughts on this though? Are you willing to talk to a counsellor about it and get someone else involved or do you not want to get your parents in trouble?
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On October 11 2008 13:48 Salv wrote:Show nested quote +On October 11 2008 12:21 YPang wrote:On October 11 2008 05:53 Salv wrote:
A lot of parents sometimes belt their kid on the ass or spankings if they do something wrong, but this sounds like it goes beyond that and into child abuse.
EDIT: I read the whole thread and don't listen to the people telling you to fight back. Having a fist fight with your father isn't going to solve anything; neither will threatening to kill him. Your father is still your father and I think he needs to realize that this type of shit is abuse and your not going to take it anymore. Talk to a professional who handles this type of stuff (counsellors or at least something that counsellors can put you in touch with) and then go from there. Good luck, I think he knows this is abuse, and he just doesn't care, because he closes the window blinds before he does anything... -,-;; What are you thoughts on this though? Are you willing to talk to a counsellor about it and get someone else involved or do you not want to get your parents in trouble?
This is the only sane option here.
Just chirping in.
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On October 11 2008 14:03 conCentrate9 wrote:Show nested quote +On October 11 2008 13:48 Salv wrote:On October 11 2008 12:21 YPang wrote:On October 11 2008 05:53 Salv wrote:
A lot of parents sometimes belt their kid on the ass or spankings if they do something wrong, but this sounds like it goes beyond that and into child abuse.
EDIT: I read the whole thread and don't listen to the people telling you to fight back. Having a fist fight with your father isn't going to solve anything; neither will threatening to kill him. Your father is still your father and I think he needs to realize that this type of shit is abuse and your not going to take it anymore. Talk to a professional who handles this type of stuff (counsellors or at least something that counsellors can put you in touch with) and then go from there. Good luck, I think he knows this is abuse, and he just doesn't care, because he closes the window blinds before he does anything... -,-;; What are you thoughts on this though? Are you willing to talk to a counsellor about it and get someone else involved or do you not want to get your parents in trouble? This is the only sane option here. Just chirping in.
Chirp in more often if you keep posting like that ^_^
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coming from an asian that has gotten beaten numerous times also!!!..... youre a junior now and i know your dad got it from china but my parents were really old too when we moved to america and they kept that beating thing around for years until i was in 8th grade. your dad should have stopped a long time ago =p now going away is not the answer u gotta fight back (not literally) but verbally. tell him what hes doing and if he hits you then you gotta stop him and try to make him listen to what you have to say. I know it aint traditional and shit and going to someone a counselor or some shit will probably make it worse for you even if that is the right thing to do in an abuse case!!
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The funny thing is my dad was for all intents and purposes an orphan and as a result he never really beat my brother and i (all of that stuff came from our mom, who was Type A in the extreme).
So maybe it's asian culture? idk
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EPT
