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This may seem immature, but basically its my rant. I'm a high school student, currently enrolling my junior year, and i live at home with my parents. The thing that annoys me is that the only topic my parents are willing to talk to me about is about school, my grades, and education. Not that its a bad thing, but they are over doing it by A LOT. Everytime they open their mouth is like a question like "How did you do on your test? what did u get in that chem test, the math test, the english test?" EVERYDAY!
Considering this is my junior year, the year which i take ACT/SAT's, my parents don't even allow me to do any sports anymore. I used to do cross country, sophomore year, and i was so happy that im going to be in the middle of the pack as a junior and not the slowest kid anymore... until i have been told down that i can't do cross country, cuz they want me to use the time i run to study for the standardized tests. Since i live in the middle part of USA, i take the ACT's, and they want me to take at least 1 practice test EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND.
Few weeks ago, during my 4 day weekened on labor day, a friend of mine asked me to go out to the movies, and I thought gladly yeah my folks will let me go cuz its a holiday... but nope they shot me down completely and even angry at me considering that... Basically this just became the conversation topic throughout the entire day.
My dad also likes to relate everyone of my minor 'mistakes' such as forgetting to turn on the headlights while driving, forgetting a folder at somewhere...etc. I know everyone makes those mistakes, but he uses it against me making up tons of reasons why i fail at tests, and how i can never do well because i made these errors... and i don't do that often. He relates it to as a test question and how i'd fail at math if it asked me to multiply and i forgot... And he goes on ranting about it for 15-30mins, and becomes part of his tool in his tool box in which he can use anytime he wants to criticize me.
Don't get me wrong, i'm not disrespectful to them in any way, i don't go screaming at them. I usually obey their orders actually i often obey their orders. They say i should go upstairs and study, i usually do until i just can't do it anymore, and then go on SC. They don't even know i play SC/bnet, but i dont think i can stand sitting in the office room studying all day during weekends with no social contact at all... I actually have quite alot of friends at school but i just can never hang out, and my relationships with them tend to drift further and further apart.
If you guys know me on BNET, this is actually the complete real reason why i can't play and my excuse is "i gtg soon", is because they don't allow me to play starcraft, and if i get caught they'd actually literally scream at me for like 5 hours straight, about how i can use that time to study for standardized tests, and how i don't have straight A's and H's(which is like a 97% on honors classes), and i shouldn't be on SC. They've actually broke my original starcraft CD, and i had to DL it again off a torrent... Because really i just can't imagine myself sitting there studying all day for days on during weekends...
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I believe this is the result of my dad growing up from an extremely poor area, in which he lived in like a dirt house, with my grandpa as a shepard in inner mongolia china. He was often hungry as a child, and didn't have a lot to eat. He was the only son who was able to move out of his province to beijing. Later to canada, and now to USA.
I think he really believes that studying and making big bucks is the solution to everything, and happiness. Thus he's making me to follow his route.
Its totally understandable considering the pain and suffering he's been through to be where he's at today...
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I however believe that money is only a tool that drags your feelings of happiness to an upward stage, and you'll feel that happiness for only a while until you get used to having the wealth. Think of it this way, who would be in a more positive state of mind, bill gates or a poor man who won 1000 dollars in a lottery? obviously the poor man.
I think a person who has a pay of 50,000 a year would be feeling the same as a guy with 200,000 a year. If the guy who has the 50,000 pay had his income doubled, he may be very excited and content, for probably only half a year, until he got used to having that. People of extreme wealth
are also upset by not getting the deal they usually get, and the average guy would look at the wealthy guy with disgust, and wonder wtf is wrong with him.
RIght now i'm actually worried if i'm going to be like this to my children when i grow older... I'm trying really hard to not
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I have actually never told any of this to anyone, this is the first time i've let it out....
lol, when i won the CJ shirt contest, i'm actually asking a friend to buy it for me, and mailing it to his house and then giving it to me at school once he recieves it. He's a real nice guy....
I appreciate you reading all of this, i just want some sympathy...
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Your parents are jerks, but I guess they're trying to do whats best for you
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I think I can understand your frustrations, but I also think that we need more background on your family and parents before we can even start making judgments on your situation; I mean, perhaps there's something in their background which you haven't addressed yet that is causing them to act in this overly-fervent manner when dealing with your education? No offense intended~
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On September 11 2008 08:51 Descent wrote:
I think I can understand your frustrations, but I also think that we need more background on your family and parents before we can even start making judgments on your situation; I mean, perhaps there's something in their background which you haven't addressed yet that is causing them to act in this overly-fervent manner when dealing with your education? No offense intended~
the only i know is that my dad grew from a very very poor village, and then managed to be able to use education which allowed him to move to beijing, then to canada, and then finally to USA. Thats the only background i truly know of... (which is stated in OP)
if nothing else, their asian...
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It's actually kind of sad that your dad thinks that way, because he is obviously doing it only for your benefit. He doesn't want you to have the same struggle that he did. It's understandable and to be honest there's probably not much you can do about it, because he expects that since you are young, you do not have the same experiences and insight that he does about learning.
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I can't believe I would ever say this, but you deserve that CJ shirt more than I do. Enjoy it man. Try to relax, I mean I know it's hard but as long as you know your ultimate goal, then don't stress at all about the standarized tests.
I completely understand your story and also about your parents. It's like that in most Chinese families in China so ya. It's rough but at least you have it a lot easier than actually kids your age in china. Don't take high school so seriously and try to explain to your parents that unlike them who moved to the US, you grew up here and go to school here. Because probably unlike them, you have friends in this country. You need your social network and hanging out with friends and meeting new people is key.
I could go on forever but I guess you seem to know it anyway. gl hf and if your parents dont listen to your opinion then just really look forward to college.
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I don't believe there's any solution except moving out.
They are who they are, you cannot change them.
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Yeah, I must've missed that section. Sorry. =(
Imho, I think what you mentioned about your dad is probably very related to what you're currently experiencing. Just wondering, but was your mother also raised in similar conditions? If not, perhaps you can try appealing more towards her. I don't know though, these kinds of things can be very complicated. =x
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iNcontroL
USA29055 Posts
I can't help but feel bad for you. The stereotype is that Asian parents in the USA are typically overbearing and obsessive in regard to the issues you discuss. Sadly it is fairly common hence the stereotype. Don't rebel, don't get down on yourself.. just work with the situation. They have the best of intentions and they want you to succeed.. remember that in the end it is those thoughts that drive them to be annoying and domineering.
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meh...well arent asian parents usually extremely high on education?
Your parents sound like the typcial asian parents(no offense just what I seen from my asian friends).
Only thing I can actually say to you is..dude you listen to everything your parents say e.e..haha yes education is great. You need time to enjoy things though youre only a junior in highschool. You can still work and play. :/ forget what your parents said and go join XC. e.e..ill have to update later because im in class haha but seriously think about it.
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and yes i feel like shit now..im glad you have the shirt bro <3 wear it proud
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I went through this crap too. At the end of the day they do it because they love you, I know this might sound cheesy as shit but they just want you to succeed in life.
When i was in your position i bargained for sports because i needed a physical outlet. See if you can get them to agree to X country, i think it'll help w/ the stress.
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GS it seems that you are in a even worse than typical "Asian Parents" situation. I can't say for sure what your best option is because I don't know. But from what you've said it sounds like they are fucking crazy. I mean.... not letting you do cross country is ridiculous. You're like 16-17 so stand up to them. Have you ever cursed them out or anything?
Tell them you're dropping out of school because you want to be a garbage man or something and realize that they may want what they think is best for you, but they don't know what is best for you. Also, it is your life, not theirs so don't think you owe them anything.
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thx all, yeah basically i joined cross coutnry, and track&field was to have more social contact with others, and have an good excuse that i can put it on my college resume to tell my folks...but really i dont give a shit about putting it on my resume...
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On September 11 2008 09:05 YanGpaN wrote:
thx all, yeah basically i joined cross coutnry, and track&field was to have more social contact with others, and have an good excuse that i can put it on my college resume to tell my folks...but really i dont give a shit about putting it on my resume...
well still hol-e-shit bro hahaha dont lose touch with society!! O_O
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Just do the same thing to your parents. Constantly quiz them ...
You: "Any closer to promotion today Dad?"
Dad: "No..."
You: "Why not?"
Dad: "...."
You: "You really need to be doing everything you can to get promoted Dad.. this is IMPORTANT.. you need to prioritize.. see, you're not being promoted because you're making mistakes x,y,z"
Of course, there's always two sides of a coin. I grew up with almost zero encouragement to do well in studies, and had to rely completely on my own motivation to get myself into University and a career. Having parents that encourage you to do well is something that many kids really long for. But it seems that you recognize your parents true intentions which is a good thing. You're just going to have to sit it out I guess. Try to focus on the positives.
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Korea (South)11575 Posts
sucks, but do your parents give u drug tests every monday like mine did for over a year? (when i never did any drugs)
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On September 11 2008 08:54 YanGpaN wrote:Show nested quote +On September 11 2008 08:51 Descent wrote:
I think I can understand your frustrations, but I also think that we need more background on your family and parents before we can even start making judgments on your situation; I mean, perhaps there's something in their background which you haven't addressed yet that is causing them to act in this overly-fervent manner when dealing with your education? No offense intended~ the only i know is that my dad grew from a very very poor village, and then managed to be able to use education which allowed him to move to beijing, then to canada, and then finally to USA. Thats the only background i truly know of... (which is stated in OP) if nothing else, their asian...
I understand what you mean. Of what is happening to you also happens a lot in Singapore. Maybe its in our chinese/asian genes haha =P
Same here for my father; he had his fair share of traveling and suffering (grew up in a malaysia village -> indonesia -> singapore) Guess I am lucky : I think my parents learnt the hard way that I am 'not them' and they cannot engineer me to be their success and successor. I do not necessary have to fulfill what they missed out, wanting me to do what they did not/have not been able to do. To a certain extent, yes it is true. We have more opportunities today compared to what they had back then. It is really up to us as the individual to pick it up from there. They cannot force us to pick up their pieces!
What our parent's generation didn't quite seem to catch today is yesterday's success is tomorrow's mediocrity. Although education is the only available key to success back then, things today have changed and it is not the only key. Society today just doesn't need smart educated-by-the-book people; it need people of all sorts of talent, especially emotional development. Glad that you are picking up other activities other than studying =P
When you have a single success outside the context of education, I am sure they will open their eyes to the truth. Just don't rebel, but work out possible alternatives. If you really want to play SC like how I play NFS seriously, start balancing your own life out. Do some part time work and offer to pay for part of the bills at home. Pay for what yourself for your gaming and socializing lifestyle =P A small sum of money usually speaks loudly in these situations. When you can foot the bill for yourself, they have nothing to say. Just make sure you do reasonably well for your studies for the sake of your parents paying it for you.
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On September 11 2008 09:18 CaucasianAsian wrote:
sucks, but do your parents give u drug tests every monday like mine did for over a year? (when i never did any drugs)
lol, they don't i gained their trust for always doing what they've asked for quite a long time, so they don't ever suspect me smoking, drinking, or doing any drugs.
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I'm in a very similar situation, just a little less severe. I really feel for you though man, I just think parents don't understand how a kids mind works since everyone is different. Taking a pretest every weekend isn't going to motivate you to do well on a real once, such as sat or cat ect ect. You'll probably just think of it as another chore test that you have to do to make your parents happy. Anyway, good luck and hope the situation works out for you.
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EPT
