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My girlfriend has really big depression issues, and I don't know how to deal with it.
She talks about how she's never happy, she'll never be happy, her mom is a horrible bitch (true), and she won't be able to live independently when she graduates highschool.
However, instead of dealing with it in a healthy way, she stopped seeing her therapist, instigates her mother, stopped taking prozac, won't go to tennis (one of the few things she likes), and refuses to talk to any of her friends.
Essentially, I'm the only one she talks to. I want to help her, I really care about her, and I would want to help anyone with these problems because I delt with them myself.
My father was an abusive alcoholic, my step-father is verbally abusive, my mother is so absorbed in her stress issues she borders on negligent, and cycles into overbearing. I dealed with my depression by realizing how insignificant these problems are, since soon I will be an adult and can live my own life, free of family trouble.
But how do I get her train of thought on the same track? It's really frustrating.
She says that when she goes to college she still won't be happy, even free of her family troubles. She says she'll be lonely so she'll turn into a drunk slut, so she can socialize and meet people.
It's of course the opposite of what I'd like her to be. I have a beef with teen drinking, because of a friend who died in a car accident after a party, and a friend who was raped. I'm also scarred from my childhood, which may make my demonization of alcohol irrational, but there is no reason for a girl, especially an intelligent one such as her to turn into a drunk slut.
What do I do? I wish this was as easy as Protoss. Any advice?
Travis?
 
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51497 Posts
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
There are no easy roads in such situations (obviously). The only thing you can do is be there for her whilst not letting her negativity reflect on you. Stay positive and don't react or respond to her negativity. Respond to her negative statements by jokingly changing the subject or something.
'god im so unhappy i'm just gunna become a drunk slut'
'well atleast carry some condoms then'
etc
fwiw all girls, intelligent or not, are prone to being a 'drunk slut' in the right scenario and its not a bad thing
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On August 28 2008 15:23 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
However, instead of dealing with it in a healthy way, she stopped seeing her therapist, instigates her mother, stopped taking prozac, won't go to tennis (one of the few things she likes), and refuses to talk to any of her friends.
That really scares me. That is one of the signs. I think she should go back to the therapist. Might sound crazy, but if the prozac was really working then you might want to sneak some into her food.
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dont know exactly what she's depressed about but...
tell her to treat non-issues as non-issues and make her actively deal with problems. like if she has beef with her mom then don't dodge the issues. if the mom has a right to be bitchy, then you should tell your gf or she should stand up for herself.
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Shes sounds like shes digging a deeper grave for herself while you are trying to pull her out into the light. Don't stop, be persistent. As Rekrul said, stay positive. She might give up on herself but you cannot give up on her for her sake.
Be strong for her and you'll be strong yourself.
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On August 28 2008 15:38 Rekrul wrote:
There are no easy roads in such situations (obviously). The only thing you can do is be there for her whilst not letting her negativity reflect on you. Stay positive and don't react or respond to her negativity. Respond to her negative statements by jokingly changing the subject or something.
'god im so unhappy i'm just gunna become a drunk slut'
'well atleast carry some condoms then'
etc
fwiw all girls, intelligent or not, are prone to being a 'drunk slut' in the right scenario and its not a bad thing
Generally I deal with it by talking about something else.
You are right about the drunk slut thing, but to make that choice because you fear loneliness is obviously an unhealthy way of dealing with a deeper problem.
In response to the issue of her mother...
Today she didn't want to go into the store with her mom, because she was just buying a watermelon. So her mom freaked out and yelled at her WHY? WHY WON'T YOU GO?.
She had a headache, so the mom makes her go with her, and when she goes to the bathroom, strands her in Henry's. She had to call her Grandpa to pick her up. When she got home, her mom wouldn't let her get her purse out of the car, and yelled at her for not wanting to go in the store in the first place.
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Tell her to stop feeling so sorry for herself... Depression sucks, but it's worse when you feed it to the point you're acting like you want to be miserable and for everything to be horrible because it justifies your emotions.
That said, it probably wouldn't hurt if you tried to be romantic and make her feel special. Depression usually comes from an illusion people create that nobody loves them, and that anyone who says they do is lying. But actions speak louder than words, and prove things to a person to put them on the track to believing in themselves and the pursuit of happiness.
PS: Telling your boyfriend you're going to be a drunk slut is REALLY weird. Like... it doesn't speak well for her intelligence 
PPS: 1a2a3a4a5a
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On August 28 2008 15:38 Rekrul wrote:
fwiw all girls, intelligent or not, are prone to being a 'drunk slut' in the right scenario
Way to go Rek!
x_x
re:OP : does your girlfriend admit to being depressed (or generally having a problem), or does she have a devil-may-care attitude? If she acknowledges her depression, then it's possible that you can help her back on track just by encouraging her to take her meds and resume therapy and tennis, and by physically helping her with the process (that is, hand her the pills and the cup of water, or drive her to where she goes). In fact, that's probably all the advice I can give, not being a professional (and she obviously needs *some* kind of professional help); actually physically helping her could make a huge difference, assuming she trusts you and isn't refusing your help.
This comes from my personal experience, but obviously it may not apply if I misunderstood your girlfriend's situation. There are plenty of ways in which a person can be messed up and I only know a few of them. Good luck...
EDIT: From what it sounds like, you can also help by being the occasional haven of sanity from her mom, although I guess you're already doing that. Maybe if you could help her get away once in a while?
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On August 28 2008 16:09 Djabanete wrote:Show nested quote +On August 28 2008 15:38 Rekrul wrote:
fwiw all girls, intelligent or not, are prone to being a 'drunk slut' in the right scenario Way to go Rek! x_x re:OP : does your girlfriend admit to being depressed (or generally having a problem), or does she have a devil-may-care attitude? If she acknowledges her depression, then it's possible that you can help her back on track just by encouraging her to take her meds and resume therapy and tennis, and by physically helping her with the process (that is, hand her the pills and the cup of water, or drive her to where she goes). In fact, that's probably all the advice I can give, not being a professional (and she obviously needs *some* kind of professional help); actually physically helping her could make a huge difference, assuming she trusts you and isn't refusing your help. This comes from my personal experience, but obviously it may not apply if I misunderstood your girlfriend's situation. There are plenty of ways in which a person can be messed up and I only know a few of them. Good luck... EDIT: From what it sounds like, you can also help by being the occasional haven of sanity from her mom, although I guess you're already doing that. Maybe if you could help her get away once in a while?
Yes she admits it.
She can't get away often, she's always grounded.
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On August 28 2008 16:16 DoctorHelvetica wrote:Show nested quote +On August 28 2008 16:09 Djabanete wrote:On August 28 2008 15:38 Rekrul wrote:
fwiw all girls, intelligent or not, are prone to being a 'drunk slut' in the right scenario Way to go Rek! x_x re:OP : does your girlfriend admit to being depressed (or generally having a problem), or does she have a devil-may-care attitude? If she acknowledges her depression, then it's possible that you can help her back on track just by encouraging her to take her meds and resume therapy and tennis, and by physically helping her with the process (that is, hand her the pills and the cup of water, or drive her to where she goes). In fact, that's probably all the advice I can give, not being a professional (and she obviously needs *some* kind of professional help); actually physically helping her could make a huge difference, assuming she trusts you and isn't refusing your help. This comes from my personal experience, but obviously it may not apply if I misunderstood your girlfriend's situation. There are plenty of ways in which a person can be messed up and I only know a few of them. Good luck... EDIT: From what it sounds like, you can also help by being the occasional haven of sanity from her mom, although I guess you're already doing that. Maybe if you could help her get away once in a while? Yes she admits it. She can't get away often, she's always grounded.
You mean her mom is keeping her prisoner? From tennis? From therapy?
o.O
I would be depressed too if I wasn't allowed out of the house. (Obviously that's not the cause, but it sure doesn't help either.)
Tell her she's not alone. Tell her she deserves to be loved and deserves to be happy (and will be one day). Try to get her back to doing tennis if you can, and try to get her to take her meds.
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oh god this 'grounded' shit is just killin ppl.. no wonder she feels depressed and lonely if she cannot socialize with ppl and have to deal with shitty family all day 
i mean seriously i have never been grounded in my childhood or teens! maybe coz here in Europe i think we dont have retarded stuff like that 
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the Protoss jokes just keep getting funnier.....................and funnier.......
.........
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Wow man, that's a tough situation. As I read your story, I find I'm looking a little at myself from some years back. Based on those experiences, my first reaction to your situation is to just run, run away from that and don't look back. Of course, that's not useful at all. What I will say is that the best thing you can do is encourage her to go to therapy and to take her medication if it's helpful, because really, though you can be wholly supportive, you're just not qualified to help someone to the extent she needs. That's not a slam against you at all, as I doubt anyone here is really qualified to deal with that.
Good luck man, because from just reading about your situation, it seems your girlfriend is going down a path that's not pretty. I fear that attempting to stem that tide by yourself would be a losing battle. Anyway, I sincerely hope things work out for the best.
Peace.
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i'm a drunk slut teeheehee
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Tough shit.
Really think that treatment would be good. Maybe she didn't like the therapist? Find another one maybe.
Don't do shit without her knowledge and consent, not if you want to keep her trust. Even if it's for her own good.
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*shudder* Sorry but I never want to be in the position you are in ever again, DoctorHelvetica.
*shudder*
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This may sound a bit crazy, but I suggest you incite her to stand up against her parents, especially her mother. That's what I did, when my girlfriend's parents were wearing her down. The situation was not as tense as yours, because my girlfriend didn't need any medication whatsoever, but the problems with her parents made her depressive as well. They would just take away all of her self-esteem by often mocking her, never trusted her about anything, grounded her and made her life difficult.
She would always tell me about it of course and then, the one day, I just plain out told her to stand up against her parents, and that's what she did. She would not do the pointless things she was told to do anymore and in general did what she wanted to. When her parents threatened to stop giving her money, I told her to simply sue them (they gave in pretty quickly). Eventually, she was able to free herself and is much happier now.
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Just be there, reasoning and 'you're problems aren't that big' are not valid ways of 'curing' depression, so don't even try, if you're not qualified, all you're going to do is make things much much worse.
Non depressed people just don't get the mindset of depressed people. Psychopharmacology, also isn't always the answer. Though if her psychiatrist decided that, just make sure to remind her to take her medication; often with depressed people, it's not that they don't want to take the drugs, it's just that their cognition doesn't allow them to remember little things like that.
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Oh man, I totally sound like your girlfriend. When I was younger I faced a lot of problems like her. It's tough, all I can say is she needs help and she needs it now.
Get her to go back to her psychiatrist, and try to get her to start taking her medication again. Even if she claims to not notice a difference. You will. (Same thing happened to me, everyone said I was much better on Prozac, but I personally didn't see a difference, and I stopped taking them. Then once again everyone said my personality changed. I'd really like to stress that I didn't notice any change. But the people close to me did.)
I stopped getting help for my problems, now I'm some Narcissistic, Avoidant, Antisocial Personality Disorder train wreck. And that's just the tip of the iceberg haha
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From my personal experience what d1v said.
*About her life at her home later
I don't know about Prozac as Krohm wrote but I do know that any drug won't cure her from her problems alone, especially when her mother will be around.
They can speed up process of recovering but I personally hadn't used them when recovering for like 1,5-2 years... and I'm proud of it.
I don't have to say that you being close to her is key 
Getting her out of there, even if not permanently but just for few hours should be done 1st.
As I remember myself well, she may not want to meet with friends or play tennis because she may be afraid of being more miserable when she won't be good about talking or playing... and it's not so strange - main focus of everyday life is striving with her depression, thinking about it.
I bet she just don't know what to talk about; because she's exhausted she don't want to play tennis.
(of course I may be wrong but imo those are main reasons; you said she realizes her state so you talk with her about it... have you tried asking her about reasons?)
My advice is to start with small steps - are there any trees where you live or something?
Go for a walk, just be close and don't struggle with topics to talk about or some uber activities.
After some time go swimming or cycling. It's really surprising how good feeling it is, being tired
*I will edit this post about fighting with parents, I have to think about it... 1st of all what about her father? Has she or have you talked with your gf's therapist about her situation at home?
From what you write it looks as her mother should be striped of rights as her parent.
edit: 1: Is her mother behavior the only problem? Does she live with her alone?
2: Has it been always like that? Were there any attempts of repairing these relations? Did therapist try mediations, seeking what is causing problems?
If this is beyond any repairs - you wrote about Grandma picking her up - are there people from her family living nearby to who she can move to?
[Her parent(s) opinion about it doesn't matter]
3: About therapist - does your gf simply don't believe she may feel better through... meetings?
Or is it she treats that as therapy with worst meaning of this word (as she would be mentally sick or mad or whatever making her feel even worse about herself) - What does therapy mean or meant to her?
Who found this therapist and thought 1st that she should attend to one?
By any means was therapist simply bad and this is why she stopped going?
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Ok, don't listen to Rekrul....
Making jokes about it isn't going to help. Shes obviously listening to you and only you. She cares what you think, don't take it lightly. In my experience the problem is all about confidence. She doesn't think she can do it, isn't good enough or whatever, all of the above generally.
You need to build her confidence every chance you get. Don't take 'oh no i'm not' for an answer. You need to conince her that she is awesome and can succeed or she'll just remain completly dependant on you for like ever and thats not good.
Good luck.
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On August 29 2008 00:41 Zortch wrote:
Ok, don't listen to Rekrul....
Making jokes about it isn't going to help. Shes obviously listening to you and only you. She cares what you think, don't take it lightly. In my experience the problem is all about confidence. She doesn't think she can do it, isn't good enough or whatever, all of the above generally.
You need to build her confidence every chance you get. Don't take 'oh no i'm not' for an answer. You need to conince her that she is awesome and can succeed or she'll just remain completly dependant on you for like ever and thats not good.
Good luck.
qft
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On August 28 2008 15:23 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
I dealed with my depression by realizing how insignificant these problems are, since soon I will be an adult and can live my own life, free of family trouble.
But how do I get her train of thought on the same track? It's really frustrating.
If you want her to realize how insignificant her problems are you could go on holiday with her to some poor place where she might realize thats she's quite good off. But I'm no psychologist and i fear it might have negative effects if she experiences more trouble :/
and you rekrul is wrong here, don't joke about it. Listen to her and when she told you stuff do something afterwards with her where she can get her thoughts of like playing darts or what ever. If you want to build up her confidence you could start with a new sport with her. Like I taught my gf how to skate because I knew once you can ollie you feel totally awesome
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United States7488 Posts
The next time you two go out somewhere, take her someplace or to do something she (and maybe even you) haven't done before. Make it an active date, something that requires more that just sitting on your ass for two hours in front of a dinner table/movie screen. Outings like this are fun. They won't cure depression by any means, but they can start by helping her enjoy herself again.
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On August 29 2008 00:18 beetlelisk wrote:From my personal experience what d1v said. *About her life at her home later I don't know about Prozac as Krohm wrote but I do know that any drug won't cure her from her problems alone, especially when her mother will be around. They can speed up process of recovering but I personally hadn't used them when recovering for like 1,5-2 years... and I'm proud of it. I don't have to say that you being close to her is key Getting her out of there, even if not permanently but just for few hours should be done 1st. As I remember myself well, she may not want to meet with friends or play tennis because she may be afraid of being more miserable when she won't be good about talking or playing... and it's not so strange - main focus of everyday life is striving with her depression, thinking about it. I bet she just don't know what to talk about; because she's exhausted she don't want to play tennis. (of course I may be wrong but imo those are main reasons; you said she realizes her state so you talk with her about it... have you tried asking her about reasons?) My advice is to start with small steps - are there any trees where you live or something? Go for a walk, just be close and don't struggle with topics to talk about or some uber activities. After some time go swimming or cycling. It's really surprising how good feeling it is, being tired *I will edit this post about fighting with parents, I have to think about it... 1st of all what about her father? Has she or have you talked with your gf's therapist about her situation at home? From what you write it looks as her mother should be striped of rights as her parent. edit: 1: Is her mother behavior the only problem? Does she live with her alone? 2: Has it been always like that? Were there any attempts of repairing these relations? Did therapist try mediations, seeking what is causing problems? If this is beyond any repairs - you wrote about Grandma picking her up - are there people from her family living nearby to who she can move to? [Her parent(s) opinion about it doesn't matter] 3: About therapist - does your gf simply don't believe she may feel better through... meetings? Or is it she treats that as therapy with worst meaning of this word (as she would be mentally sick or mad or whatever making her feel even worse about herself) - What does therapy mean or meant to her? Who found this therapist and thought 1st that she should attend to one? By any means was therapist simply bad and this is why she stopped going?
Well of course Prozac is not a cure. It just helps things a bit.
Now, the only real thing I've noticed helps is talking to an actual therapist. They really can help. With your girlfriend just talking to you, its not enough. You are not a trained professional. You can't offer her correct guidance. You can however be very supportive of her. However you need to nudge her into getting help. I'm not sure exactly on her personality type, but I'm sure you would know the best way to handle it. If that doesn't work, then take drastic measures. Tell her if she keeps refusing to get help, that you can't stay with her. She'll get rid of you out of anger, but maybe, just maybe she'll come around in a few days. (Or this could totally backfire and it will only make things worse. Yeah on second thought, don't do that unless its a very last resort.)
Seriously, get her to see her therapist, and get her to talk to him/her.
In all reality though, the only person who can make her better. Is herself.
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In response to those telling I should encourage her to stand up to her mother.
This is half the issue. Both her and her mother have a reall irrational emotional way of dealing with things. So if they get into an argument, there is no calm and rational body present to control the extremity of an argument. Suddenly an argument about what to eat for lunch turns into tears, broken mirrors, and either her, or her mother running away.
I am encouraging her to take the medicine, although I feel maybe her mom is withholding it from her?
The last year of highschool starts soon, and hopefully it'll take her mind off her mother, but then she'll be stressed with school.
But it's all good advice, and I'll really take it all to heart. Thanks.
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you go to her mom and tell her to go fuck herself. then tell your gf to be like "im gonna do my own thing I'm old enough to make my own decisions" and if her mom kicks her out, just say she can come live with you.
by the way, where do you live O_O! there is a Henry's in san diego.
***EDIT***
Also, I would advise her to NOT take medication under any circumstance. Taking meds when you clearly don't need it is really fucking bad. It just sounds like her depression is situational rather than caused by a chemical imbalance, which means that it can be "fixed" by her just being pro-active about helping herself - she doesn't need medication.
Medications always have side effects, and it's not easy to just stop taking the meds after you have been taking them, and it often requires you to take more meds to be able to wean yourself off the first meds. On top of that depression medication is REALLY IFFY... you can never be sure you are getting the right thing (medication for depression, or bipolar, or being manic are all different, if you get the wrong one it could make things worse)... so I would advise, unless she's been analyzed by a psychiatrist, and not just some random therapist, but someone who specializes in the more scientific aspect of the brain and can determine if her depression is caused by a chemical imbalance, she should NOT take medication.
There are 3095348098 ways to cure depression without need for medicine, and they are much healthier
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On August 29 2008 04:02 Xeris wrote:
you go to her mom and tell her to go fuck herself. then tell your gf to be like "im gonna do my own thing I'm old enough to make my own decisions" and if her mom kicks her out, just say she can come live with you.
by the way, where do you live O_O! there is a Henry's in san diego.
San Diego.
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United States7488 Posts
On August 29 2008 04:02 Xeris wrote:
you go to her mom and tell her to go fuck herself. then tell your gf to be like "im gonna do my own thing I'm old enough to make my own decisions" and if her mom kicks her out, just say she can come live with you.
by the way, where do you live O_O! there is a Henry's in san diego.
He lives like right next to us. Like only a few minutes away. Seriously... I've been stalking him for a while now (considers putting this into creepiest things blog). I know where he lives; let's kidnap him!!!!
You need to make it to the next MSL/OSL finals party Doc.
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On August 29 2008 04:17 semioldguy wrote:Show nested quote +On August 29 2008 04:02 Xeris wrote:
you go to her mom and tell her to go fuck herself. then tell your gf to be like "im gonna do my own thing I'm old enough to make my own decisions" and if her mom kicks her out, just say she can come live with you.
by the way, where do you live O_O! there is a Henry's in san diego.
He lives like right next to us. Like only a few minutes away. Seriously... I've been stalking him for a while now (considers putting this into creepiest things blog). I know where he lives; let's kidnap him!!!! You need to make it to the next MSL/OSL finals party Doc.
kk
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Major OT: DoctorHelvetica, what does your name mean? I've been wondering all the time, does it have anything to do with Switzerland?
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On August 29 2008 05:09 d1v wrote:
Major OT: DoctorHelvetica, what does your name mean? I've been wondering all the time, does it have anything to do with Switzerland?
No. I just like the font Helvetica alot, but it seemed stupid by itself, as a name.
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On August 29 2008 04:02 Xeris wrote:
you go to her mom and tell her to go fuck herself. then tell your gf to be like "im gonna do my own thing I'm old enough to make my own decisions" and if her mom kicks her out, just say she can come live with you.
by the way, where do you live O_O! there is a Henry's in san diego.
***EDIT***
Also, I would advise her to NOT take medication under any circumstance. Taking meds when you clearly don't need it is really fucking bad. It just sounds like her depression is situational rather than caused by a chemical imbalance, which means that it can be "fixed" by her just being pro-active about helping herself - she doesn't need medication.
Medications always have side effects, and it's not easy to just stop taking the meds after you have been taking them, and it often requires you to take more meds to be able to wean yourself off the first meds. On top of that depression medication is REALLY IFFY... you can never be sure you are getting the right thing (medication for depression, or bipolar, or being manic are all different, if you get the wrong one it could make things worse)... so I would advise, unless she's been analyzed by a psychiatrist, and not just some random therapist, but someone who specializes in the more scientific aspect of the brain and can determine if her depression is caused by a chemical imbalance, she should NOT take medication.
There are 3095348098 ways to cure depression without need for medicine, and they are much healthier
I understand where are you coming from but seriously, this is wrong.
I don't know what medicaments are you talking about but the worst thing I know about some is they amplify depression for week or 2 before they start working as they should but they don't make people addicted, mostly because some of them slowly accumulate, NOT work like heroine or w/e - they don't work asap. Chemical imbalance in brain doesn't mean major illness.
What are you writing about is assumption done by most people who never used any, just like psychologist is mistaken with psychiatrist.
Not all of drugs are used to cure heavy illnesses. Sometimes depression just happens without any clear reason. Mature, good earning people, having their own, healthy families feel as they slow down and start lacking motivation in everyday life.
This is time when some drugs (prescribed by a doctor ) prove to be useful and they don't have as hard implications as you wrote.
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Do not, I repeat do NOT drag her out of her hole. Once you leave she will jump or fall right back in. What you should do is encourage her to get out of it. Once she starts trying to get out you help her.
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It isn't just the mom that is being a problem. Your girlfriend and her mom are both the problem. Telling her to stand up to her mother won't help at all. If anything, it would make the situation even worse.
She listens to you. With that, at least try to guide her in the right direction. It may be tough because you are both traumatize from a dysfunctional family. If she goes to college or whatever, at least make sure she works. She'll be too tired from work to feel depress.
If you two live on your own, that will lesson some of the major problems which is family life. From what I've read so far, moving out seems like the best move right now.
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Don't get involved with her depression and let her make her own decisions. You can't help her at all in this matter. It's something you have to go through and somehow it makes you weaker or stronger accordingly to your willpower. If you do really want to help her the best way is to convince her to go to the terapist.
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Don't worry your free CJ T-shirt will cheer both you and her up fo sho!
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On August 29 2008 11:01 [X]Ken_D wrote:
It isn't just the mom that is being a problem. Your girlfriend and her mom are both the problem. Telling her to stand up to her mother won't help at all. If anything, it would make the situation even worse.
She listens to you. With that, at least try to guide her in the right direction. It may be tough because you are both traumatize from a dysfunctional family. If she goes to college or whatever, at least make sure she works. She'll be too tired from work to feel depress.
If you two live on your own, that will lesson some of the major problems which is family life. From what I've read so far, moving out seems like the best move right now.
The main misconception here is that we are both adults. But she is 17 and I'm 16.
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On August 29 2008 12:04 DoctorHelvetica wrote:Show nested quote +On August 29 2008 11:01 [X]Ken_D wrote:
It isn't just the mom that is being a problem. Your girlfriend and her mom are both the problem. Telling her to stand up to her mother won't help at all. If anything, it would make the situation even worse.
She listens to you. With that, at least try to guide her in the right direction. It may be tough because you are both traumatize from a dysfunctional family. If she goes to college or whatever, at least make sure she works. She'll be too tired from work to feel depress.
If you two live on your own, that will lesson some of the major problems which is family life. From what I've read so far, moving out seems like the best move right now. The main misconception here is that we are both adults. But she is 17 and I'm 16.
Is that going to prevent you both from working and saving money for the future? The idea of living together alone in the next 2-3 years may give her hope for a better future. The tradeoff for working at 16-17 is the quality of your education may suffer.
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I suggest you guys run away to start your own lives. I dun know how old you are, but think of some quick ways to earn a living and get outta there. In my opinion it's the only way to forget about those family pressure and start a new life. I know it's easier said than being done, but currently I'm kinda facing a similar issue. Because I'm still young and stuff, running away is not realistic, so I just work my ass off at school, get into a good university, get into a good career with monstrous pay, and run away to start my own life.
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EPT
