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Friendship and love..
Well, I'm writing this, because I'm a little bit confused, feeling-wise. I'm really good in reading human feelings and maybe I can help someone.
On the other hand I'm not writing this text only for the sake of other people. Maybe a few of you could help me out of this really really annoying situation.
Okay well, I want to point out, having a really close friendship with a girl and loving a girl is such a difficult thing.
My best female friend just lost her boyfriend (such an asshole, but she loves him like I never saw a person love someone before) and she cannot simply forget him. When he broke up (with a chat message.. how poor?) I was with her the whole weekend and she shed alot of tears. Too much for me too handle.
It broke my heart seeing her cry like she did. I got so angry at this guy I wanted to beat the living sh*t out of him!
I took her in my arms, trying my best to make her not feel alone. But as surely some of you will know, its so hard to find the right words in such a situation.
Well, okay..
Now we are best friends and we are spending alot of time togehter. The problem is.. I've feelings I cannot deny and I told her that. I felt like an asshole to tell her that. She just lost her boyfriend and she's not ready for a relationship and she will not in quiet some time. Okay, I'm very sorry that I told her what I feel, but we talked about it. She said she would never start a relationship with me, because I'm simply a too good friend.
Its okay for me. I just want to be her best friend. Well..
Since I told her what I feel, she is not like she was before. Her behaviour is soo different. I just tried to be a good friend, being at her side, hugging her and I tried to distract her from her loss.
Okay well. She told me I'm overdoing it a bit. She doesn't want me to be soo close to her. I would frustrate her and she needs a little space. Its okay for me...
But now I'm so afraid to lose her friendship.... even if she told me that I'm her best friend. I don't know... I'm so confused-.-;;
 
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sounds like some horrible soap oprah stuff, you should never have told her you liked her in the first place, you knew this was gonna happen, and now that shes asking for a little space it might seem like shes trying to push you away to avoid more pain, but then again im just a 16 year old kid wtf do i know lol
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(_o)> <---penguin to help cheer you up
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()()
maybe you should tell her your sorry, and try to avoid the love subject, right now its not about you loving her its making her feel better, because shes still in that phase.....where all they can think about is there otherboyfriend, i doesnt matter how it plays out man.... ---------> [nice guys finish last] 
hope it goes gets better for you dude.
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I'm totally agreeing with what you say. She told me there will never be a relationship between us, because I'm a too good friend. I'm fine with it. Really. I told her I didn't want to frustrate her and I don't will hug her so often and stuff. Thats what she meant with space.
She told me I'm her best friend, still but she doesn't want to hurt me you know. I'll always be at her side whenever she needs me. =)
I'm not sad or something. In fact - I just don't want to lose her which I won't.. I think.
Edit: Thanks for the penguin. + Its not like just because you are 16 you are dumb or something. It doesn't depend on age so much, more on experience.
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How old is she? In my opinion a girl below age of 18-19 or even 20 does not know what she wants from the life (that includes boyfriend/any kind of relation with opposite sex)  .
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United States22883 Posts
Get another gf and you two can go back to being normal friends. Saying you're ok with it is way different than showing that you're ok with it (by moving on to someone else.)
How old is she? In my opinion a girl below age of 18-19 or even 20 does not know what she wants from the life (that includes boyfriend/any kind of relation with opposite sex) Maybe, but as soon as they're dead set on being friends, there's not much you can do to change it besides stop being friends all together. I really don't understand why women make that separation between friend and romance, and guys don't.
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On December 31 2007 00:27 Emptyness wrote:How old is she? In my opinion a girl below age of 18-19 or even 20 does not know what she wants from the life (that includes boyfriend/any kind of relation with opposite sex) .
Never heard such a bullshit. You cannot feel love when you ar e below 18-19 or even 20? How stupid is that?
I swear, I know alot of couples in my age.. and even older, around 19-25. They are happy and they love each other. But I've never seen a person loving another person so much. You cannot understand when you didn't see her cry... I did, and it shredded my heart..-.-
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How old are you, G.s)NarutO?
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Tough situation man.
Whatever happens, you have to respect her wishes (sounds like you do.) If it turns out that she doesn't want you to be her friend anymore, you have to accept it. It is important in life not to tie up your sense of well-being in a particular relationship. People come and go in life (the best ones stay, but you have no direct control over that.) Focus on being OK in yourself, then being the best person you can be in general. This way you will be loveable and able to love, but you will also be ok with being alone sometimes.
I don't know the specifics of how you handled the situation, but I don't think there is anything wrong with telling a woman that you are romantically interested in her. It was the truth, and there is nothing wrong with it. If telling the truth "ruined" your relationship, then it wasn't a fantastic relationship to begin with. Don't ever go over to the cynical side, where you feel a need to play mind games and cover how you really feel. That is silly.
She is confused and vulnerable right now. Maybe she just needs some space. It is good for you to be there for her when she wants you to be, it really is, but also realize you aren't a door-mat, and if she is taking advantage of you, you do not have to put up with it.
Good luck.
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Inky just hit the nail on the head. Make sure you go well, since you need to be in a good condition to help others. Give her room, don't stress her, but make clear, that you're ready to
help her at any time. It's her, who has to ask for help and she will sure do, if she needs it.
PS: Keine Sorge, das wird schon 
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United States22883 Posts
On December 31 2007 04:41 nA.Inky wrote:
I don't know the specifics of how you handled the situation, but I don't think there is anything wrong with telling a woman that you are romantically interested in her. It was the truth, and there is nothing wrong with it. If telling the truth "ruined" your relationship, then it wasn't a fantastic relationship to begin with. Don't ever go over to the cynical side, where you feel a need to play mind games and cover how you really feel. That is silly.
I think that's absolutely off. It's impossible for a relationship not to change, and most likely become awkward, if one person expresses romantic interest and the other doesn't reciprocate. In that way, I don't think there could ever be a fantastic relationship by those standards. Some people might make it through, although the relationship would most certainly change, but my guess is most people fall apart and it doesn't mean they didn't have a healthy relationship beforehand.
It may be unfair that she placed him in the friend zone to begin with, but it's perfectly reasonable that she just needed a friend after her breakup, not a new bf, and what he did was very unfair. Sometimes, when someone you care about really needs something (in this case friendship), you just have to concede it to them even if it hurts you, because ultimately you're still helping the person you care about. You definitely shouldn't become a doormat and "just a friend" if you don't want to, but in this case you were close friends before and she really just needed support. After all, it could've just been a passing interest on your part, since you were spending so much time together.
Just remember that she needed the relationship more than you did at the time, so put her first.
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I'm really really thankful for your supporting advice. I'm glad to here some of you actually thought about how tough this situation is for both, her and me.
I cannot erase my feelings, but I'm also able to understand what she feels.
I told her: "I will be there for you - no matter what!" and we talked about the whole situation. We are just friends now and we are both glad that it is like it is. I was honest and she was.
@Jibba. What I did, telling her about my feelings was indeed very unfair. She just got hurt by her boyfriend and she didn't need another problem. I felt like an asshole after I told her what I feel, but it can't be helped. I did a mistake.
We talked alot in the past days.. and its fine now. Thank you all for your comments.
Special thanks to inky and jibba.
PS: d1v , ich habe nie dran gezweifelt, dass die Freundschaft auseinander geht. Ich mach mir ziemlich schnell Sorgen.. naja. Sie ist erst 16 und ich bin erst 19, aber wir sind beide ziemlich reif ! Wir wissen damit umzugehen.
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United States22883 Posts
Glad to hear it, especially since it sounds like you're still a pretty good friend.
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EPT
