EPT
I think that half of life is a fantasy that you wish upon. Half of what you think and feel at any given moment might not be real – a fallacy without you even knowing. Most projections of what you could be doing are idle ideas that aren't worked upon or made reality…which is the constant thing that is strived for – making fantasy reality. People who live a 'fantasy' or 'dream' life are the ones who have either got lucky or realised something earlier than someone else.
My grandiose version of how I want things to turn out might never work out, but I hope that it does, based upon my own actions and decisions. Therefore it is my desire for something to 'be' that should make me act upon these desires and prompt fantasy to become reality.
I think of the ultimate situation for my own self to be in, is for me to be travelling to many more places than I've already been, and to stay away for a prolonged amount of time and to really experience living and to work from place to place and also to forge connections that should and would last a lifetime, but may only be there for the most fleeting of moments. The mortgage and kids can come later as far as I'm concerned. I wouldn't even mind finding the person who is 'perfect' for me and experiencing life with them as far as I can take it. In fact…maybe that's entirely what I want – to be unsure but to be very sure about one or two things.
I wish I could tell a girl how I felt about her, a hunch that I have, a really deep feeling I have about her – we might not know each other too well but I really find her attractive, I wish I could say all the things to her which make it right. I wish I could explain to her in a turn of phrase, how it is I got to be this way…so enamoured with her – it isn't just lust I feel it's something deeper, something that tells me – we could be correct.
Imagine if life existed purely as a sensory experience without limitations; imagine if everyone was a pure hedonist – pleasure would be our source, our motivation and our effect. Imagine if you could take a drug which took you to a place no one else could ever be, I'm not talking about real drugs here – I'm talking hypothetically. Imagine if there was a drug which truly took you to a different plane of existence forever. Everything was correct for you, you'd just seem insane in the real world. Imagine if two people took it and were both in the same plane, they understood everything as it was – they knew above all things that they were happy and they co-existed in such a place. I think maybe this is love – maybe this is what love feels like.
I think all of these thoughts spawned from a dream I had.
Last night I had a dream
And I was in love
Truly in love.
With a girl who I know.
And the dream spanned for so long.
And it went from me not being on a talking basis with her.
To fully fledged love.
Small moments seemed like forever, every moment in her company was rapture...pure love.
And it's making me feel so shit today in some ways.
Maybe I just want to feel love…and to be loved.
Love.
Not 'normal' love.
But love that is a rapture.
A spellbinding craziness.
Blah blah.
Or at least any posited feeling that can create this aforementioned rapture.
Love…yeah ok, consuming my mind atm…cheers a bunch.
