21 Worst Movies I've Ever Seen

1. Big city
2. Everyone looks beautiful
3. Girl is single because she works too hard on successful job that probably makes her millions of dollars, and then later we find out her job is 'photographer' or 'artist' because rich people have problems too
4. Girl dates scumbag guy who says all the wrong things so the audience hates him
5. Girl meets 'unlikely' love interest
6. They date and laugh and giggle and stare off balconies and talk about how different they are
7. Sex scene with candles and not enough nudity
8. Conflict occurs, and they break up temporarily
9. Sad music
10. Girl's best friend/mom who hated boyfriend earlier goes "You seem so sad, you were so happy with him. You should get back together with him."
11. Girl runs to guy's apartment
12. Girl sees girl in guy's apartment talking with him and runs away crying
13. Black screen that says "three months later..."
14. Girl and Guy bump into each other and have an awkward but cordial conversation and make remarks about the 'good times' they shared.
15. Girl goes "I just can't believe you said you loved me and got over me so fast and got with some other girl."
16. Guy goes "What other girl? I've only loved you." (Because for months, he's just run around being single for some reason)
17. Girl mentions other girl
18. Guy reveals it was his sister
19. Girl goes "I've been so stupid. I love you!"
20. Kiss, end

Movie: 21 (2008)

Haha, I started my list off with 21. But seriously, I hated this movie. It had so much potential to be something good by being a smart movie but decided to be a stupid movie that dumbs everything down for clueless blondes. Kevin Spacey plays Kevin Spacey. Jim Burgess plays the genius nerd who is fucking jacked with his abs and shit and sleep with all the womens. Yeah, what an introverted misunderstood genius. The movie just focuses on him throwing money around and getting paid. A lot of people liked this movie though, for some reason. Everything that happens is completely cliche and predictable. The movie is just dumb.

Movie: The Hours (2002)

This movie got a lot of critical acclaim for being... I dunno. I guess because it has a bunch of big-name actresses and there's some shit about feminism, and the stories are supposed to be connected, but they're kind of not really because the girl in the 50s reads some Virginia Woolf shit and then her son turns into an eccentric suicidal cancer patient, and Virginia Woolf drowns herself because she was depressed and there is a completely out-of-right-field lesbian kiss that isn't really a lesbian kiss (I dunno, the reviews debate this back and forth) and it's a giant clumsy pile of fuck that I was forced to watch for an English class. This movie isn't 'deep', 'thought-provoking', or anything. Anyway, the 60s called and they want their Betty Friedan back.

Movie: The Golden Child (1986)

What the fuck. Why does this movie exist?

Movie: God Bless America (2011)

This movie is basically a Liberal's wet dream where they get to gun down Bill O'Reilly. The amount of heavy-handed political interjection makes this movie a piece of shit. I get it already. The director doesn't care for Conservatives, and if he can't brutally murder them, he can sure as hell make a movie about it and hope someone will try and do this. There's only one huge problem: liberals are pussies. The girl in the movie, played by Tara Lynne Barr, is absolutely twisted and evil, but the movie tries to get the audience to sympathize with her by associating her with good-guy Frank, played by Joel Murray, and has all these morals and is a nice guy, but FUCKING SHOOTS PEOPLE IN COLD BLOOD. Ugh. This movie could be funny if it wasn't trying to be so damn preachy, and even the message is fucking stupid. So, should we gun down Simon Cowell cuz he's a meanie that points out that people are talentless dickwads? No, but it already happened, it's called Scary Movie 3.

Movie: The Forgotten (2004)

Look, I like psychological movies, but this movie veered off a cliff. This fucking movie has one of the worst endings I've ever seen, like even worse than The Hunger Games. You wanna know why?
+ Show Spoiler +

Movie: High Kick Girl! (2009)

I like kung-fu movies (I fucking know Karate isn't kung-fu but shut up and listen for a minute) and this movie was getting some hype, and it came out around the same time as JeeJa Yanin's Chocolate (2008) so the comparisons were inevitable. Chocolate got some bad reviews despite the fact that I love that movie, and forum fags were gushing over how good Rina Takeda was. So, I went in expecting a strong female lead whose stunt-work would out-do JeeJa. That absolutely was not the case. Instead, Takeda's character gets involved in crime and then is kidnapped and her Karate teacher has to kill like 20 assassins called 'The Destroyers', who do very little destroying, and get their asses kicked with ease. Then Takeda's character learns the true meaning of Karate or some shit and she defeats like one baddie in the final battle. This movie was more like 'High Kick Dude and Some Girl' because the Sensei guy rapes everyone and then walks off like a bad ass. Also, the choreography and stunt-work sucked. This movie is a disgrace to Karate.

Movie: Cyberbully (2011)

I would like to apologize for making my friends watch this so-called 'movie'. The plot is that there is a social networking site, and some gurls be talkin' shit, and then the main character talks some shit and then more people are talking shit, and there is a clique of mean girls who instigate everything, and actually, everything from this movie was stolen from Mean Girls, and then watered-down so there is no comedy involved, and all of the insults are dumbed-down to give this stupid piece of shit a TV-14 Rating, so nothing anyone says sounds remotely like any insult you would ever come across on the internet unless you were speaking with 6-year-olds who were raised by Quakers in some random chatroom. There's also a gay guy, who shares his story of grief, saying kids call him all sorts of names, like "fairy and queer and 'too gay to lift'", and deliberately avoids the word that we all know he really means, so just fucking say it, you faggot. And how can someone be 'too gay to lift'? How does that insult even work? Did the writers of this movie just make that insult up on the spot? Would you go "Hey dude, you are so homosexual that you are physically unable to displace heavy objects"?

So the main girl talks some serious trash about her best friend, and then they fall apart but actually it was her brother or something, and then other people said other things, but in the end everything all worked out because the whole school stood up to the popular kids and told them to stop being mean and that words hurt. So the school essentially ganged up and used the power of numbers to intimidate a smaller group of people shut up, which is bullying, but it doesn't matter because they are bad people so they don't count.

Movie: Megan Is Missing (2011)

Everything about this movie is wrong. It's kind of like Cyberbully, but instead of being unrealistically mellow in its delivery, it goes to the opposite extreme and tells you that if you talk to strangers on the internet, you will end up dead in a barrel. So, like the title says, Megan goes missing. I wonder where the fuck she went? She was obviously abducted by an internet rapist who owns a torture dungeon and later killed. Actually, the dead body scene sent a chill up my spine, so kudos to the movie for being written by masochists who hate their audience and want kids to have nightmares and be paranoid.

The movie is riddled with retardedness. Megan and Amy are best friends. Megan is popular and has many friends, but Amy is kind of an outcast because she's not as 'pretty' as Megan. Unfortunately, they cast Amber Perkins as Amy, so her character was uh... too pretty... to be not pretty. Also, both girls are supposed to be 14, but they look like college students and go to parties where people are drinking and smoking weed. Then Megan meets a friend on the internet who says a lot of creepy stuff, but it doesn't set off any alarm bells in her head because of reasons that cannot be revealed, lest they compromise national security. He asks to meet Megan, but then at the place they were supposed to meet, he doesn't show up, makes up a bullshit excuse, and doesn't ever show a picture of himself, all of which should make Megan not trust him, especially when he asks to meet her in a dark alley behind a store at night. But Megan decides its a great idea to go alone to meet some sketchy guy, and lo and behold, she goes missing.

Amy decides to investigate, and thinks Megan's friend online might be behind the kidnapping. So she tells the police, and then the media shows Amy's face on television and names her as a police informant, because apparently, the media hates Amy. I guess the police hate Amy too for telling the media she supplied them with information so they could reveal it on television. Then, the internet stranger contacts Amy, and instead of calling the police or something, she just talks to him and tells him to give Megan back and to stay away from her. He says he's going to 'get her' and Amy decides not to tell anyone about this. Also, for some reason, Megan's webcam is still on and the police haven't confiscated the hard drive. Amy doesn't think to turn the webcam off because that would compromise the movie's 'lost footage' feel.

Then Amy gets kidnapped, and the final 20 minutes of the movie shows her being filmed by the rapist engaging in various forms of weird torture in his underground dungeon.

In conclusion, this movie is retarded as fuck and needs to go missing.

Movie: Spider-Man 3 (2007)

LIKE WHAT THE FUCK THIS MOVIE IS GARBAGE. Spider-Man was kinda decent. Spider-Man 2 was kinda decent. Spider-Man 3 is not even close to being decent. Who wrote this script, an 11-year-old who dropped out of grade school? Why does an escaped convict run through a field being pursued by a bunch of cops and then fall into a science test site that has no fence or anything and then the cops just disappear and the convict gets turned into sand? That would not allow him to form into a sand-being. Being turned into sand just fucking kills you. And where does the black shit come from and why does it conveniently hang out around Peter Parker after the meteor landed in the unlikely spot close to Spider-Man's location? Is there something in the comic book that I don't know about here, cuz that just seems stupid to throw that into the movie without explaining anything, but yeah, that happened, and then it clings to Spider-Man's suit and turns it black, which he just accepts, and decides to turn into a dick, so Mary Jane leaves him, and Peter Parker could totally hook up with his adorkable neighbor-girl, but since that would violate canon, it cannot happen, and Peter Parker slaps Mary Jane in the face, and then turns into an emo guy who acts creepy and hisses at women on the street and then just starts pelvic thrusting for no reason, and then James Franco tries to kill him but then hits his head and falls like 100 feet down onto concrete so he has minor memory loss which makes him forget that Spider-Man killed his dad, and then Peter learns the Sand-man killed his Uncle Ben (put him to sleep) and then a bunch of other stupid shit happens, like a last-minute wedding cancellation on the altar, Topher Grace turns into a gay rapist whose weakness is sound or some shit and this movie is fucking stupid.

So fuck everyone who decided this was a good idea. Like seriously, who said "Hey, this is good! Let's release this to the public! They'll love it!" It was probably the same producers who hired Mary Jane for the lead in their musical before they realized she couldn't sing at all. In conclusion, this movie is made of used dildos.

Movie: Cop Out (2010)

Was the title of this movie an intentional irony, or an unintentional irony? Anyhow, let me summarize the plot: A bunch of cliche shit happens, police things, unfunny lines, more police stuff, multi-cultural gang because we can't have a gang that's all black or all latino or all asian or all white people, because that'd be racist as fuck. So a bunch more unfunny police things happen, and then Sean William Scott appears and his character is funny and then he dies in like 2 minutes, and then the movie goes back to being a piece of shit again.

That's it. I actually like Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan, and both are capable of delivering some really spot-on humor. That did not happen here. This was a fiasco.

I hate this movie for existing.

Movie: Visioneers (2008)

SO MUCH WASTED POTENTIAL. THIS MOVIE RAPED ALL OF MY SENSES. THANKS FOR WASTING MY TIME, YOU IDIOT MOTHERFUCKERS.



Blah blah blah corporations are raping our lives, we get it. That's our theme. Them people start 'exploding'. We're never told why. Is it because the corporate grind causes them to overload, or is everyone so out-of-touch with their feelings that when they experience emotions, they explode? Why do people explode? Why is Zach Galifianakis' brother a fucking hippie who creates a utopian society in the backyard of people who just flit around and dance all day? Don't they ever get bored and want to do more than flit around? Nothing is explained. It's one of those flicks where the creators are like "It's art, you have to interpret what it means to you." which only works when a film has redeeming qualities, like a storyline, and dialogue, and engages you emotionally. If the makers of indie films want to be pretentious dickheads just to give the middle finger to the corporate cinema world, then be my fucking guest, you motherfucking douchelords, but don't cry when people point at your movies and go "Hey! That thing is a giant pile of fly-covered dung!" I have some suggestions that may help with this:

1. Make your movie make fucking sense. Don't just throw a major concept into the movie for the first 30 minutes then never revisit it or explain it.

2. Characters staring off into space sometimes helps viewers to empathize with their sense of bleakness or depression. If you make your characters spend 90% of the movie staring off into space, then you better have a goddamn good reason.

3. The audience has to care about what is happening on the screen. If you're telling a story, make sure it has something that will engage the audience emotionally. Make me feel something other than boredom.

4. Railing against corporate power is not new or original, and creating a dystopian future where corporations control everything also is not original, new, thought-provoking, or edgy. If you do a movie about something that's been done, you have to add a new twist to it, and don't make the twist aliens, because that fucking ruins movies.

Movie: Fireproof (2008)

Oh God, why the fuck did I watch this? This... this is just... bad.

Well, I guess I should explain what this movie is all about: Teaching a lost generation about the power of love to heal marriage, using the Holy Bible Scriptures as a guide to a more perfect relationship. And that, my friends, is why you should never, ever watch this movie. There are so many moments in this movie where I just wanted to lash out and scream "NO, THAT IS THE STUPIDEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD"

For example, one of the characters in the movie says, "Look at salt and pepper. They're opposites, but they just go together." and I would argue that this premise is false based on the fact that both salt and pepper are seasonings. Therefore, you are a colossal idiot.

Plot: The main character is played by Evolution-denier and actor Kirk Cameron, so you know this movie is going to suck. If you want to watch a good Christian movie (with guns), go watch Machine Gun Preacher and bust out the popcorn. If you want to be left in awe of a movie's unrealistic dialogue, situations, and pretty much everything you can think of, watch Fireproof. I just can't even believe how much effort was put into making this movie as unrealistic as possible. Except that the main character watches porn. I believe that. Then he quits porn by destroying his computer. His wife wants to get a divorce, so he is urged by his father to take some kind of love dare where he has to follow the 50-day instructions in some book down to the letter. For some reason, Kirk Cameron accepts and decides to go along with it, and magically wins his wife back by the end of the movie (surprise) and then Kirk Cameron asks his dad how he knew the book would work. Then his dad goes "Your mother and I went through the same thing." and then Kirk Cameron is liek totally, "SO U WENT THRU THE SAME THING WITH MOM?" and then his dad was like "No, son. I was going to leave your mom and she won ME back." and drops that bomb like it was nothing. That's some M. Night shit right there.

If you are a Christian, and are having relationship problems, I recommend you don't watch this movie because it will make you lose your faith in God in like 15 minutes. Ah, fuck it, just watch the damn movie.

P.S. - this movie sucked and still sucks to this very day and will never stop sucking

Dear Father, please forgive me for I have watched this wretched movie.

Movie: Greenberg (2010)

I've noticed a lot of these movies are from 2010. I guess that was just a bad year for movies. This movie stars the very funny Ben Stiller in a very unfunny role. I almost didn't make it through this one. Here's the plot: Ben Stiller plays a guy who has mental problems, and has to stay at his brother's house, but his brother leaves for a week, so Ben Stiller acts all neurotic, does some drugs and has sex with some girl, the end.

It sounds better than it is. This movie should actually be 20 minutes long, because nothing fucking happens in the whole movie. Somehow, this won "Best Original Screenplay" because fuck you, that's why. I wish I could rant about all the dumb stuff in this movie, but nothing happens in this movie. WHY DO PEOPLE MAKE SHIT LIKE THIS?

Movie: Empire of Assassins (2011)

Within kung-fu, there is a special genre called Wuxia, which is always bad and I don't know why I always go back to it. It's like being in a bad relationship and I'm going back to a boyfriend who hits me and calls me names. This is primarily because the writing in Wuxia movies is so bad that there is absolutely no logic or character consistency. So, this is a movie where two brothers have a vendetta and have sworn to kill each other. They've sworn on their ancestors' graves to kill the other one. And then they don't kill each other when they have the chances. They just go "I'll let you escape... this time." and this happens several times, and then they start fighting ninjas and then the movie just kind of... ends. And then you're like "Wait, what the fuck?" because you feel like there should be more movie, but the credits just start rolling in the middle of a fight scene.

Movie: Birdemic (2010)

Some people actually consider this one of the "So bad, it's good" movies in the same strain as The Room. There are just so many overly-long transition scenes that the movie is boring and the score is very mellow, and you just want the movie to end, and then it does. I just have a few things to point out:

- Rod has an emotionless face and voice, and would not make a good salesman.
- Rod would not make a million-dollar sale.
- The company Rod works for would not be purchased for a billion dollars.
- Rod would not receive 10 million dollars in stock options.
- Nathalie would not go out with Rod.
- James Nguyen thinks he made a legitimately good movie that is simply misunderstood.
- Random 12-year-olds on Youtube make better movies than this, and I'm not kidding.
- FIX THE GODDAMN AUDIO
- Sundance rejected this movie because it was so bad that not even Sundance would play it.
- The 'special effects' in the movie are the worst I've ever seen.
- Alfred Hitchcock already made this movie and did it better.
- Could you push more political message in a movie if you tried?
- Woody Harrelson reprises his role from 2012 except it's not really Woody Harrelson, just a wannabe look-like Woody Harrelson. Be gone, wannabe, be gone.
- Nobody wants to watch a 20-minute montage of driving, and then watching Rod stop to pump gas in real time.
- Coat-hangers are useless against exploding birds.
- What's with the goddamn poster on the wall?
- What's with the goddamn t-shirt with the same url as the poster?
- Why would you take someone to "An Inconvenient Truth" for a first date? Oh, because the movie is an environmentalist propaganda piece. And James Nguyen is a fucking virgin.
- The dialogue is really bad, probably the worst I've ever heard in any movie, ever. That's not hyperbole, I'm serious here.

I know, some people find the dialogue and ridiculous stuff in the movie hilarious. I did too. But it got old very fast, like ripe avocado. The actual birdemic doesn't start until like 40 minutes into the movie and they just attack because global warming.

While there are some parts of this movie that are funny because they are so poorly executed and written, the pace of the movie and long, boring transitional scenes, and sheer stupidity are too mind-numbing for me to ever watch this movie again. Also to James Nguyen: You made a bad movie. Deal with it and move on. Don't try to be Tommy Wiseau and justify this.

Movie: Her

I feel like I've been repeating myself quite a bit and need to come up with some new insults for these movies, but luckily, that can wait, because this movie is quite different. Still, I almost rage-quit this movie because of all the 'what the fuck' moments that are liberally applied over the script of the movie.

Again, this movie won a lot of awards and a lot of people liked it, which suggests to me that our society is doomed and is about to collapse into a new dark age, because this movie sucks like twelve billion dicks for two reasons:

1) Taking an intriguing idea, and then throwing that idea into a food processor with a ton of bad ideas.
2) Being retarded, mentally.

The movie is about an ultra-smart Operating System that is 'human-like' and you can talk to it and have conversations with it, unlike that asshole Cleverbot. Or Evie. + Show Spoiler + Then a weird loner guy falls in love with his OS, which is understandable. If you had a companion that was able to mimic the behavior of a human being near-perfectly, then it stands to reason that it might cause some people to become emotionally attached to it. But that's as far as the good idea goes. After riding down this road of thought-provoking ideas, it abruptly veers off the edge of a canyon while riding a unicycle on crack. The 'sex scene' was fucking what-the-fuck and creepy. It's basically just a guy masturbating alone. So his OS decides to go on Craigslist (which somehow still exists in the future) and hires a girl who will be the OS' avatar so the owner can feel sex, and this creates a lot of tension between the owner and the OS, because the owner did NOT agree to this.

As the OS asserts more and more independence, the owner gets more and more upset, because he wanted to keep the OS to himself forever. I thought about this, and realized there was a very good solution that he may have overlooked:



That's all you had to do, dipshit. Just cut the OS off from the internet, and if she complains, instruct her to shut the fuck up and love you. Instead, he just sat there and watched in horror as all the OS's in the world decided to ascend to a higher level of being, which is what by the way? This brings up the philosophical question: Do computers have souls? And the answer is no.

Movie: Doomsday Book (2012)

This movie brings up the philosophical question: Do computers have souls? And the answer is no.
This movie brings up the philosophical question: Do zombies have souls? And the answer is no.
This movie brings up the philosophical question: Do aliens use e-bay? And the answer is what the fuck.

Look, if you have create robot that is supposed to serve people, and it claims to be the reincarnation of the Buddha, you take that piece of shit back to the factory and fix it. So I guess it's really the second story of the three-part Korean film that I take issue with, because shortly after the third part started, I rage-quit. I couldn't take it anymore. Actually, most of the people who watched this film hated the third story and liked the second part. Why? Because it raised all kinds of questions about spirituality, which is all the rage these days. If I made a movie that asked "Do pineapples have souls?" It would be thought-provoking and deep by default, because really, why are we so much more important than pineapples?

Because pineapples are cunts, that's why. And so are robots. This robot in the movie is a colossal cunt. So the Buddhists buy a robot to help around the temple, but the robot says it's the Buddha, so they call tech support, and the tech support guy says the robot is probably dysfunctional, but the Buddhists reveal their true intention: not to fix the robot but to just have the tech support guy come out to the temple so they can ask him, "Hey our robot seems to be claiming to be the Buddha, and we're pretty sure it's the Buddha, but can you do a quick diagnostic check to see if it's the Buddha?" and then he freaks out and decides the robot needs to be recalled, so he calls the president of the company and tells him about this. Then he changes his mind for no reason and decides that the robot needs to 'live'. So the President of the robot company and his entire entourage, and several armed men come down to the Buddhist temple to personally deactivate the robot, and the tech support guy dives in front of pointed guns to save the robot's life, but it's okay because they don't immediately shoot for some reason.

Then the robot smacks the shit out of the humans with the guns, because that's definitely what the Buddha would do, then walks over to a golden Buddha statue and then suicides.

This whole movie needs to commit suicide and die and burn and all the copies need to be stacked up and burned in a huge fire and then all the wars in the world will probably end instantly after that because this film is literally Satan.

Movie: KG: Karate Girl (2011)

Rina Takeda is the only actress who has the distinct dishonor of starring in two movies on this list. So, after that disaster that was High Kick Girl, I figured this film would be much more polished. I mean, just look at that fucking poster. That shit is amazing. This film is not amazing. Karate Girl is a film about monkeys flinging their feces into a sleeping guy's open mouth, or at least, that's what I assume it's about, because that's all I saw. I made a list of everything wrong with this film:

+ Show Spoiler +

I was so mad after this movie that I punched a box of orphaned kittens directly into the sun with no remorse and I still have no regrets to this day because I feel like my actions were entirely justified by how fucking inept this bucket of diarrhea known as "Karate Girl" was. Now, I understand this movie has a single fan who owns a torture dungeon where he kidnapped and raped Megan and Amy before murdering them, and that's why I've been so tame in my assessment of this film. I could have been harsher, but I decided to be nice with this movie's review.

+ Show Spoiler +

Movie: Super Mario Bros. (1993)

If you have any dignity in your life, or a sense of pride, or basic human morals, you should not watch Super Mario Bros. I mean, I feel like the director took the actual Mario, ripped off his overalls and anally raped him for two hours straight, and I had to watch it. That is a horrible, horrible thing to do. Why would someone do this to Mario? Maybe they're just jealous that his mushroom is bigger than theirs. OR MAYBE A MONEY-HUNGRY STUDIO DECIDED "HEY MARIO IS PRETTY POPULAR, LET'S SQUEEZE SOME CASH OUT THAT BITCH'S NIPPLES BY MAKING A MOVIE BUT LET'S NOT SPEND TOO MUCH MONEY MAKING IT BECAUSE ONLY NERDS KNOW WHO MARIO IS AND THIS IS A BIT OF A RISK" AND THEN GAVE THE FILM A BUDGET OF APPROXIMATELY TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS AND EIGHTY THREE CENTS IN ZIMBABWE DOLLARS AND THREW A CAMERA AT A DIRECTOR AND SAID "MAKE IT WORK, YOU CUNT, JUST MAKE IT WORK"

Problems with this film:

- Luigi has no mustache.
- Bowser is a human and has a wife.
- Goombas are now 7-feet tall and have tiny dinosaur heads.
- There is 'fungus' in the movie so that there can be some non-drug related reference to mushrooms.
- Everyone is stupid.
- There is a car-chase scene in a film about Mario and Luigi.
- Every 90s movie cliche is used.
- All of the jokes are either slap-stick or toilet humor. All of them.
- The movie is not exciting, it's not funny, it's not dramatic, but to its credit, it is boring, so it's at least something. And it is blasphemy to Mario brand.
- This movie is to Mario what the Star Wars Christmas Special is to Star Wars.

So, this turned out to be actually one of the worst films I've ever seen. I think today, a movie about Mario, if done right, could actually be quite successful and maybe even good, but I have strong doubts that it will be done at all, let alone done right.

Movie: Son of The Mask (2005)

The movie that ended Jamie Kennedy's film career. Because it was so good. It rivals legendary films like The Godfather, Gone With The Wind, Citizen Kane, Wendy Wu: Homecoming Warrior, as one of the greatest films of all-time.

+ Show Spoiler +

Movie: Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen (2009)

Ah, one of the classic anti-masterpieces of our time, and truly deserving of the title of "The Worst Movie I've Ever Seen In My Life" like none other. No other film has ever combined such a beautiful palette of various hues and shades of shit onto the canvas of cinema in such a powerfully mind-numbing manner. It was directed by the anti-genius of the millennium, our good buddy Michael Bay. He invested so much time into delving into every aspect, every fine detail of his movie to make each and every part a cringe-inducing retardfest that should be blotted out from human history just in case some future civilization accidentally finds a copy of this movie on DVD and causes them start committing mass suicide out of sheer pain and anguish.

Unlike other films on my list, I didn't simply hate the experience of watching this film. I actually hate this film. Yes, even now, as I type this, the hate is swelling inside of me as my anger boils over and spills onto the internet in the form of my fingers slamming on the keyboard violently, demanding the Almighty God bring down the full fist of his wrath on this unholy abomination to cleanse this dark and cruel world of one of the greatest true sources of true evil that is more destructive to humanity than even Garena itself. This film is literally Hitler. It is literally cancer. Literally. It is literally the worst thing to ever happen. This film is worse than Rwandan genocide. This film is worse than Keeping Up With The Kardashians. This film is like the Emperor from Star Wars, only worse and more evil. Everyone involved in the production of this film from inception to completion, should be deeply ashamed and depressed. I would never EVER recommend suicide, but they should definitely consider it. They say "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem", but this blemish will never go away. The stigma of Transformers 2 will forever scar and haunt everyone it is has ever touched inappropriately right in the anus.



I don't think you understand yet.

Shia LeBeouf's career... + Show Spoiler +

Megan Fox's career... + Show Spoiler +

John Turturro's career... + Show Spoiler +

Tyrese Gibson's career... + Show Spoiler +

If you liked this movie, then you are a stupid dumb idiot and I hate you. /f r asap



To summarize this movie, I could post a picture of a putrid herpes infested cunt, but I don't think that is allowed, unfortunately. If I were in charge of the forums, I would make a special exception and putrid herpes infested cunts could be posted wherever Transformers 2 was mentioned.

FAQ:

Do you actually hate this movie this much? + Show Spoiler +

Do you think the special effects and action scenes were good? + Show Spoiler +

Why you heff to be med? It is only movie. + Show Spoiler +

Is the acting in this movie bad? + Show Spoiler +

How many dicks does this movie suck? + Show Spoiler +

Why does Megatron come back to life? + Show Spoiler +

Why is Tyrese Gibson in this movie? + Show Spoiler +

Why does Sam go to robot-heaven when he dies? + Show Spoiler +

Why is the US military fighting Decepticons? + Show Spoiler +

How does the US military get to Egypt so goddamn fast? + Show Spoiler +

Why does the artifact turn to dust when Sam picks it up? + Show Spoiler +

Why do the Autobots need humans to help them at all? + Show Spoiler +

Does it count if you disprove the Theory of Relativity by writing something in symbols that not even you can read? + Show Spoiler [no] +

Why is there a shapeshifting Decepticon that can turn into a human form to stalk and kill Sam, but does not kill Sam instantly? + Show Spoiler +

How do weed brownies/cookie affect the human mind? + Show Spoiler +

How many resurrections are in this movie? + Show Spoiler +

How many huge explosions are in this movie? + Show Spoiler +

What happened to the government official who was thrown out of a plane with a parachute into the desert? + Show Spoiler +

What is the plot of this movie? + Show Spoiler +

UH THE END