After watching a fucking stupid movie all the way through you wanna do this
I like watching films. I mean, who doesn't, right? Occasionally, though, you run into a stinker or two along the way. Sometimes, you have to think about a movie for awhile to decide if you like it or not. Or at least, I do. I mean, after watching Cloud Atlas, I was like "Eh, it wasn't that great." and I would certainly not give it another go, but I don't hate the movie. It just didn't ever engage me. And that's okay, not every movie has to be tailored for me. For example, the 'Romantic Comedy' genre, which is just fluff and cliches. + Show Spoiler [How make a romantic comedy] +
1. Big city 2. Everyone looks beautiful 3. Girl is single because she works too hard on successful job that probably makes her millions of dollars, and then later we find out her job is 'photographer' or 'artist' because rich people have problems too 4. Girl dates scumbag guy who says all the wrong things so the audience hates him 5. Girl meets 'unlikely' love interest 6. They date and laugh and giggle and stare off balconies and talk about how different they are 7. Sex scene with candles and not enough nudity 8. Conflict occurs, and they break up temporarily 9. Sad music 10. Girl's best friend/mom who hated boyfriend earlier goes "You seem so sad, you were so happy with him. You should get back together with him." 11. Girl runs to guy's apartment 12. Girl sees girl in guy's apartment talking with him and runs away crying 13. Black screen that says "three months later..." 14. Girl and Guy bump into each other and have an awkward but cordial conversation and make remarks about the 'good times' they shared. 15. Girl goes "I just can't believe you said you loved me and got over me so fast and got with some other girl." 16. Guy goes "What other girl? I've only loved you." (Because for months, he's just run around being single for some reason) 17. Girl mentions other girl 18. Guy reveals it was his sister 19. Girl goes "I've been so stupid. I love you!" 20. Kiss, end
Really, you could easily fill 21 slots with all Romantic Comedies, which are rarely comedic, or romantic. But c'mon, you have to suspend your intelligence for 100 minutes to watch a sequence of unlikely events that would never ever happen because 'true love'.
Now, some movies like The Room, Vampire's Kiss, Troll 2 are technically bad, but are classics. They're "funny because they suck" kinds of movies that take themselves seriously even though the writing is ludicrous. You just sit there drooling in anticipation, waiting for golden lines like "I did not hit her, it's bullshit, I did notttt, oh hi Mark." and "Nilbog spelled backwards is 'Goblin'!"
I also like some cheesy movies, like Star Wars Episode II: Attack Of The Clones, polarizing movies like Looper, and sometimes, movies that get generally bad reviews like Malibu's Most Wanted. I also like ALL the Matrix movies, and generally like all the Star Wars films, although I will admit some the aspects of the prequels are hilariously bad.
So, here are the movies I've absolutely derived no pleasure from viewing. If you viewed any of these movies and enjoyed them, then I'm sorry, but you watched some really shitty movies and I feel bad for you. Keep in mind, I haven't watched every movie in the universe, so don't be like "Where is Man of Steel on this list?" or something because I didn't see that shit.
Honorable mentions for sucking: 2012, 13 Going On 30, Transformers, Mulan 2, Kung Pow, Freddie The Frog, Batman Returns, and whatever else I'm forgetting. I never saw Batman & Robin. And M. Night Shyamalan. That guy just needs to stop.
Haha, I started my list off with 21. But seriously, I hated this movie. It had so much potential to be something good by being a smart movie but decided to be a stupid movie that dumbs everything down for clueless blondes. Kevin Spacey plays Kevin Spacey. Jim Burgess plays the genius nerd who is fucking jacked with his abs and shit and sleep with all the womens. Yeah, what an introverted misunderstood genius. The movie just focuses on him throwing money around and getting paid. A lot of people liked this movie though, for some reason. Everything that happens is completely cliche and predictable. The movie is just dumb.
This movie got a lot of critical acclaim for being... I dunno. I guess because it has a bunch of big-name actresses and there's some shit about feminism, and the stories are supposed to be connected, but they're kind of not really because the girl in the 50s reads some Virginia Woolf shit and then her son turns into an eccentric suicidal cancer patient, and Virginia Woolf drowns herself because she was depressed and there is a completely out-of-right-field lesbian kiss that isn't really a lesbian kiss (I dunno, the reviews debate this back and forth) and it's a giant clumsy pile of fuck that I was forced to watch for an English class. This movie isn't 'deep', 'thought-provoking', or anything. Anyway, the 60s called and they want their Betty Friedan back.
This movie is basically a Liberal's wet dream where they get to gun down Bill O'Reilly. The amount of heavy-handed political interjection makes this movie a piece of shit. I get it already. The director doesn't care for Conservatives, and if he can't brutally murder them, he can sure as hell make a movie about it and hope someone will try and do this. There's only one huge problem: liberals are pussies. The girl in the movie, played by Tara Lynne Barr, is absolutely twisted and evil, but the movie tries to get the audience to sympathize with her by associating her with good-guy Frank, played by Joel Murray, and has all these morals and is a nice guy, but FUCKING SHOOTS PEOPLE IN COLD BLOOD. Ugh. This movie could be funny if it wasn't trying to be so damn preachy, and even the message is fucking stupid. So, should we gun down Simon Cowell cuz he's a meanie that points out that people are talentless dickwads? No, but it already happened, it's called Scary Movie 3.
Look, I like psychological movies, but this movie veered off a cliff. This fucking movie has one of the worst endings I've ever seen, like even worse than The Hunger Games. You wanna know why? + Show Spoiler +
BECAUSE OF ALIENS
WHAT THE LITERAL FUCK
WHY DID THE FUCKING ALIENS NEED TO DO AN EXPERIMENT TO SEE IF A MOTHER'S LOVE FOR HER CHILD COULD BE SEVERED. OBVIOUSLY NOT SINCE JULIANNE MOORE WINS THE FINAL BATTLE BECAUSE THE ALIEN DUDE WAS A DUMBASS AND WHEN THE BLACK POLICE LADY WAS SUCKED UP INTO THE SKY I WAS LIKE "OKAY THIS MOVIE JUST TURNED INTO SHIT"
I like kung-fu movies (I fucking know Karate isn't kung-fu but shut up and listen for a minute) and this movie was getting some hype, and it came out around the same time as JeeJa Yanin's Chocolate (2008) so the comparisons were inevitable. Chocolate got some bad reviews despite the fact that I love that movie, and forum fags were gushing over how good Rina Takeda was. So, I went in expecting a strong female lead whose stunt-work would out-do JeeJa. That absolutely was not the case. Instead, Takeda's character gets involved in crime and then is kidnapped and her Karate teacher has to kill like 20 assassins called 'The Destroyers', who do very little destroying, and get their asses kicked with ease. Then Takeda's character learns the true meaning of Karate or some shit and she defeats like one baddie in the final battle. This movie was more like 'High Kick Dude and Some Girl' because the Sensei guy rapes everyone and then walks off like a bad ass. Also, the choreography and stunt-work sucked. This movie is a disgrace to Karate.
I would like to apologize for making my friends watch this so-called 'movie'. The plot is that there is a social networking site, and some gurls be talkin' shit, and then the main character talks some shit and then more people are talking shit, and there is a clique of mean girls who instigate everything, and actually, everything from this movie was stolen from Mean Girls, and then watered-down so there is no comedy involved, and all of the insults are dumbed-down to give this stupid piece of shit a TV-14 Rating, so nothing anyone says sounds remotely like any insult you would ever come across on the internet unless you were speaking with 6-year-olds who were raised by Quakers in some random chatroom. There's also a gay guy, who shares his story of grief, saying kids call him all sorts of names, like "fairy and queer and 'too gay to lift'", and deliberately avoids the word that we all know he really means, so just fucking say it, you faggot. And how can someone be 'too gay to lift'? How does that insult even work? Did the writers of this movie just make that insult up on the spot? Would you go "Hey dude, you are so homosexual that you are physically unable to displace heavy objects"?
So the main girl talks some serious trash about her best friend, and then they fall apart but actually it was her brother or something, and then other people said other things, but in the end everything all worked out because the whole school stood up to the popular kids and told them to stop being mean and that words hurt. So the school essentially ganged up and used the power of numbers to intimidate a smaller group of people shut up, which is bullying, but it doesn't matter because they are bad people so they don't count.
Everything about this movie is wrong. It's kind of like Cyberbully, but instead of being unrealistically mellow in its delivery, it goes to the opposite extreme and tells you that if you talk to strangers on the internet, you will end up dead in a barrel. So, like the title says, Megan goes missing. I wonder where the fuck she went? She was obviously abducted by an internet rapist who owns a torture dungeon and later killed. Actually, the dead body scene sent a chill up my spine, so kudos to the movie for being written by masochists who hate their audience and want kids to have nightmares and be paranoid.
The movie is riddled with retardedness. Megan and Amy are best friends. Megan is popular and has many friends, but Amy is kind of an outcast because she's not as 'pretty' as Megan. Unfortunately, they cast Amber Perkins as Amy, so her character was uh... too pretty... to be not pretty. Also, both girls are supposed to be 14, but they look like college students and go to parties where people are drinking and smoking weed. Then Megan meets a friend on the internet who says a lot of creepy stuff, but it doesn't set off any alarm bells in her head because of reasons that cannot be revealed, lest they compromise national security. He asks to meet Megan, but then at the place they were supposed to meet, he doesn't show up, makes up a bullshit excuse, and doesn't ever show a picture of himself, all of which should make Megan not trust him, especially when he asks to meet her in a dark alley behind a store at night. But Megan decides its a great idea to go alone to meet some sketchy guy, and lo and behold, she goes missing.
Amy decides to investigate, and thinks Megan's friend online might be behind the kidnapping. So she tells the police, and then the media shows Amy's face on television and names her as a police informant, because apparently, the media hates Amy. I guess the police hate Amy too for telling the media she supplied them with information so they could reveal it on television. Then, the internet stranger contacts Amy, and instead of calling the police or something, she just talks to him and tells him to give Megan back and to stay away from her. He says he's going to 'get her' and Amy decides not to tell anyone about this. Also, for some reason, Megan's webcam is still on and the police haven't confiscated the hard drive. Amy doesn't think to turn the webcam off because that would compromise the movie's 'lost footage' feel.
Then Amy gets kidnapped, and the final 20 minutes of the movie shows her being filmed by the rapist engaging in various forms of weird torture in his underground dungeon.
In conclusion, this movie is retarded as fuck and needs to go missing.
LIKE WHAT THE FUCK THIS MOVIE IS GARBAGE. Spider-Man was kinda decent. Spider-Man 2 was kinda decent. Spider-Man 3 is not even close to being decent. Who wrote this script, an 11-year-old who dropped out of grade school? Why does an escaped convict run through a field being pursued by a bunch of cops and then fall into a science test site that has no fence or anything and then the cops just disappear and the convict gets turned into sand? That would not allow him to form into a sand-being. Being turned into sand just fucking kills you. And where does the black shit come from and why does it conveniently hang out around Peter Parker after the meteor landed in the unlikely spot close to Spider-Man's location? Is there something in the comic book that I don't know about here, cuz that just seems stupid to throw that into the movie without explaining anything, but yeah, that happened, and then it clings to Spider-Man's suit and turns it black, which he just accepts, and decides to turn into a dick, so Mary Jane leaves him, and Peter Parker could totally hook up with his adorkable neighbor-girl, but since that would violate canon, it cannot happen, and Peter Parker slaps Mary Jane in the face, and then turns into an emo guy who acts creepy and hisses at women on the street and then just starts pelvic thrusting for no reason, and then James Franco tries to kill him but then hits his head and falls like 100 feet down onto concrete so he has minor memory loss which makes him forget that Spider-Man killed his dad, and then Peter learns the Sand-man killed his Uncle Ben (put him to sleep) and then a bunch of other stupid shit happens, like a last-minute wedding cancellation on the altar, Topher Grace turns into a gay rapist whose weakness is sound or some shit and this movie is fucking stupid.
So fuck everyone who decided this was a good idea. Like seriously, who said "Hey, this is good! Let's release this to the public! They'll love it!" It was probably the same producers who hired Mary Jane for the lead in their musical before they realized she couldn't sing at all. In conclusion, this movie is made of used dildos.
Was the title of this movie an intentional irony, or an unintentional irony? Anyhow, let me summarize the plot: A bunch of cliche shit happens, police things, unfunny lines, more police stuff, multi-cultural gang because we can't have a gang that's all black or all latino or all asian or all white people, because that'd be racist as fuck. So a bunch more unfunny police things happen, and then Sean William Scott appears and his character is funny and then he dies in like 2 minutes, and then the movie goes back to being a piece of shit again.
That's it. I actually like Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan, and both are capable of delivering some really spot-on humor. That did not happen here. This was a fiasco.
SO MUCH WASTED POTENTIAL. THIS MOVIE RAPED ALL OF MY SENSES. THANKS FOR WASTING MY TIME, YOU IDIOT MOTHERFUCKERS.
Blah blah blah corporations are raping our lives, we get it. That's our theme. Them people start 'exploding'. We're never told why. Is it because the corporate grind causes them to overload, or is everyone so out-of-touch with their feelings that when they experience emotions, they explode? Why do people explode? Why is Zach Galifianakis' brother a fucking hippie who creates a utopian society in the backyard of people who just flit around and dance all day? Don't they ever get bored and want to do more than flit around? Nothing is explained. It's one of those flicks where the creators are like "It's art, you have to interpret what it means to you." which only works when a film has redeeming qualities, like a storyline, and dialogue, and engages you emotionally. If the makers of indie films want to be pretentious dickheads just to give the middle finger to the corporate cinema world, then be my fucking guest, you motherfucking douchelords, but don't cry when people point at your movies and go "Hey! That thing is a giant pile of fly-covered dung!" I have some suggestions that may help with this:
1. Make your movie make fucking sense. Don't just throw a major concept into the movie for the first 30 minutes then never revisit it or explain it.
2. Characters staring off into space sometimes helps viewers to empathize with their sense of bleakness or depression. If you make your characters spend 90% of the movie staring off into space, then you better have a goddamn good reason.
3. The audience has to care about what is happening on the screen. If you're telling a story, make sure it has something that will engage the audience emotionally. Make me feel something other than boredom.
4. Railing against corporate power is not new or original, and creating a dystopian future where corporations control everything also is not original, new, thought-provoking, or edgy. If you do a movie about something that's been done, you have to add a new twist to it, and don't make the twist aliens, because that fucking ruins movies.
Oh God, why the fuck did I watch this? This... this is just... bad.
Well, I guess I should explain what this movie is all about: Teaching a lost generation about the power of love to heal marriage, using the Holy Bible Scriptures as a guide to a more perfect relationship. And that, my friends, is why you should never, ever watch this movie. There are so many moments in this movie where I just wanted to lash out and scream "NO, THAT IS THE STUPIDEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD"
For example, one of the characters in the movie says, "Look at salt and pepper. They're opposites, but they just go together." and I would argue that this premise is false based on the fact that both salt and pepper are seasonings. Therefore, you are a colossal idiot.
Plot: The main character is played by Evolution-denier and actor Kirk Cameron, so you know this movie is going to suck. If you want to watch a good Christian movie (with guns), go watch Machine Gun Preacher and bust out the popcorn. If you want to be left in awe of a movie's unrealistic dialogue, situations, and pretty much everything you can think of, watch Fireproof. I just can't even believe how much effort was put into making this movie as unrealistic as possible. Except that the main character watches porn. I believe that. Then he quits porn by destroying his computer. His wife wants to get a divorce, so he is urged by his father to take some kind of love dare where he has to follow the 50-day instructions in some book down to the letter. For some reason, Kirk Cameron accepts and decides to go along with it, and magically wins his wife back by the end of the movie (surprise) and then Kirk Cameron asks his dad how he knew the book would work. Then his dad goes "Your mother and I went through the same thing." and then Kirk Cameron is liek totally, "SO U WENT THRU THE SAME THING WITH MOM?" and then his dad was like "No, son. I was going to leave your mom and she won ME back." and drops that bomb like it was nothing. That's some M. Night shit right there.
If you are a Christian, and are having relationship problems, I recommend you don't watch this movie because it will make you lose your faith in God in like 15 minutes. Ah, fuck it, just watch the damn movie.
P.S. - this movie sucked and still sucks to this very day and will never stop sucking
Dear Father, please forgive me for I have watched this wretched movie.
I've noticed a lot of these movies are from 2010. I guess that was just a bad year for movies. This movie stars the very funny Ben Stiller in a very unfunny role. I almost didn't make it through this one. Here's the plot: Ben Stiller plays a guy who has mental problems, and has to stay at his brother's house, but his brother leaves for a week, so Ben Stiller acts all neurotic, does some drugs and has sex with some girl, the end.
It sounds better than it is. This movie should actually be 20 minutes long, because nothing fucking happens in the whole movie. Somehow, this won "Best Original Screenplay" because fuck you, that's why. I wish I could rant about all the dumb stuff in this movie, but nothing happens in this movie. WHY DO PEOPLE MAKE SHIT LIKE THIS?
Within kung-fu, there is a special genre called Wuxia, which is always bad and I don't know why I always go back to it. It's like being in a bad relationship and I'm going back to a boyfriend who hits me and calls me names. This is primarily because the writing in Wuxia movies is so bad that there is absolutely no logic or character consistency. So, this is a movie where two brothers have a vendetta and have sworn to kill each other. They've sworn on their ancestors' graves to kill the other one. And then they don't kill each other when they have the chances. They just go "I'll let you escape... this time." and this happens several times, and then they start fighting ninjas and then the movie just kind of... ends. And then you're like "Wait, what the fuck?" because you feel like there should be more movie, but the credits just start rolling in the middle of a fight scene.
Some people actually consider this one of the "So bad, it's good" movies in the same strain as The Room. There are just so many overly-long transition scenes that the movie is boring and the score is very mellow, and you just want the movie to end, and then it does. I just have a few things to point out:
- Rod has an emotionless face and voice, and would not make a good salesman. - Rod would not make a million-dollar sale. - The company Rod works for would not be purchased for a billion dollars. - Rod would not receive 10 million dollars in stock options. - Nathalie would not go out with Rod. - James Nguyen thinks he made a legitimately good movie that is simply misunderstood. - Random 12-year-olds on Youtube make better movies than this, and I'm not kidding. - FIX THE GODDAMN AUDIO - Sundance rejected this movie because it was so bad that not even Sundance would play it. - The 'special effects' in the movie are the worst I've ever seen. - Alfred Hitchcock already made this movie and did it better. - Could you push more political message in a movie if you tried? - Woody Harrelson reprises his role from 2012 except it's not really Woody Harrelson, just a wannabe look-like Woody Harrelson. Be gone, wannabe, be gone. - Nobody wants to watch a 20-minute montage of driving, and then watching Rod stop to pump gas in real time. - Coat-hangers are useless against exploding birds. - What's with the goddamn poster on the wall? - What's with the goddamn t-shirt with the same url as the poster? - Why would you take someone to "An Inconvenient Truth" for a first date? Oh, because the movie is an environmentalist propaganda piece. And James Nguyen is a fucking virgin. - The dialogue is really bad, probably the worst I've ever heard in any movie, ever. That's not hyperbole, I'm serious here.
I know, some people find the dialogue and ridiculous stuff in the movie hilarious. I did too. But it got old very fast, like ripe avocado. The actual birdemic doesn't start until like 40 minutes into the movie and they just attack because global warming.
While there are some parts of this movie that are funny because they are so poorly executed and written, the pace of the movie and long, boring transitional scenes, and sheer stupidity are too mind-numbing for me to ever watch this movie again. Also to James Nguyen: You made a bad movie. Deal with it and move on. Don't try to be Tommy Wiseau and justify this.
I feel like I've been repeating myself quite a bit and need to come up with some new insults for these movies, but luckily, that can wait, because this movie is quite different. Still, I almost rage-quit this movie because of all the 'what the fuck' moments that are liberally applied over the script of the movie.
Again, this movie won a lot of awards and a lot of people liked it, which suggests to me that our society is doomed and is about to collapse into a new dark age, because this movie sucks like twelve billion dicks for two reasons:
1) Taking an intriguing idea, and then throwing that idea into a food processor with a ton of bad ideas. 2) Being retarded, mentally.
The movie is about an ultra-smart Operating System that is 'human-like' and you can talk to it and have conversations with it, unlike that asshole Cleverbot. Or Evie. + Show Spoiler +
Then a weird loner guy falls in love with his OS, which is understandable. If you had a companion that was able to mimic the behavior of a human being near-perfectly, then it stands to reason that it might cause some people to become emotionally attached to it. But that's as far as the good idea goes. After riding down this road of thought-provoking ideas, it abruptly veers off the edge of a canyon while riding a unicycle on crack. The 'sex scene' was fucking what-the-fuck and creepy. It's basically just a guy masturbating alone. So his OS decides to go on Craigslist (which somehow still exists in the future) and hires a girl who will be the OS' avatar so the owner can feel sex, and this creates a lot of tension between the owner and the OS, because the owner did NOT agree to this.
As the OS asserts more and more independence, the owner gets more and more upset, because he wanted to keep the OS to himself forever. I thought about this, and realized there was a very good solution that he may have overlooked:
That's all you had to do, dipshit. Just cut the OS off from the internet, and if she complains, instruct her to shut the fuck up and love you. Instead, he just sat there and watched in horror as all the OS's in the world decided to ascend to a higher level of being, which is what by the way? This brings up the philosophical question: Do computers have souls? And the answer is no.
This movie brings up the philosophical question: Do computers have souls? And the answer is no. This movie brings up the philosophical question: Do zombies have souls? And the answer is no. This movie brings up the philosophical question: Do aliens use e-bay? And the answer is what the fuck.
Look, if you have create robot that is supposed to serve people, and it claims to be the reincarnation of the Buddha, you take that piece of shit back to the factory and fix it. So I guess it's really the second story of the three-part Korean film that I take issue with, because shortly after the third part started, I rage-quit. I couldn't take it anymore. Actually, most of the people who watched this film hated the third story and liked the second part. Why? Because it raised all kinds of questions about spirituality, which is all the rage these days. If I made a movie that asked "Do pineapples have souls?" It would be thought-provoking and deep by default, because really, why are we so much more important than pineapples?
Because pineapples are cunts, that's why. And so are robots. This robot in the movie is a colossal cunt. So the Buddhists buy a robot to help around the temple, but the robot says it's the Buddha, so they call tech support, and the tech support guy says the robot is probably dysfunctional, but the Buddhists reveal their true intention: not to fix the robot but to just have the tech support guy come out to the temple so they can ask him, "Hey our robot seems to be claiming to be the Buddha, and we're pretty sure it's the Buddha, but can you do a quick diagnostic check to see if it's the Buddha?" and then he freaks out and decides the robot needs to be recalled, so he calls the president of the company and tells him about this. Then he changes his mind for no reason and decides that the robot needs to 'live'. So the President of the robot company and his entire entourage, and several armed men come down to the Buddhist temple to personally deactivate the robot, and the tech support guy dives in front of pointed guns to save the robot's life, but it's okay because they don't immediately shoot for some reason.
Then the robot smacks the shit out of the humans with the guns, because that's definitely what the Buddha would do, then walks over to a golden Buddha statue and then suicides.
This whole movie needs to commit suicide and die and burn and all the copies need to be stacked up and burned in a huge fire and then all the wars in the world will probably end instantly after that because this film is literally Satan.
Rina Takeda is the only actress who has the distinct dishonor of starring in two movies on this list. So, after that disaster that was High Kick Girl, I figured this film would be much more polished. I mean, just look at that fucking poster. That shit is amazing. This film is not amazing. Karate Girl is a film about monkeys flinging their feces into a sleeping guy's open mouth, or at least, that's what I assume it's about, because that's all I saw. I made a list of everything wrong with this film:
I was so mad after this movie that I punched a box of orphaned kittens directly into the sun with no remorse and I still have no regrets to this day because I feel like my actions were entirely justified by how fucking inept this bucket of diarrhea known as "Karate Girl" was. Now, I understand this movie has a single fan who owns a torture dungeon where he kidnapped and raped Megan and Amy before murdering them, and that's why I've been so tame in my assessment of this film. I could have been harsher, but I decided to be nice with this movie's review.
I just stole this off imdb since this user's review summarizes the movie pretty well:
With the compulsory dramatic intro scene you immediately get to know the villain of the movie and the younger versions of the Karate Girls. Come again two Karate girls. Yes,two of them. And both who actually know Karate. The story is very simple. Yet the director thought it necessary to explain what Karate should be about in almost every talking scene. Even in some of the action scenes there seems to be too much talking. The action scenes are adequate but do look very choreographed. Sometimes far too slow and too much breaks during fights. Since the pace of the movie is quite slow it only makes the movie even seem slower. It surely doesn't help that the movie takes itself far too seriously. Especially when the acting is real bad.It is a shame really that the director failed to put in some real excitement. The trailer for this movie looks promising. But like most trailers they put in the best scenes from the movie in there. So in this case you are better off watching the trailer.
Of course, he was nice. I would change a few things:
The story is very simple -> The story is very fucking stupid
the director thought it necessary to explain what Karate should be about in almost every talking scene -> the director is an asshole
Even in some of the action scenes there seems to be too much talking -> This film takes what everyone hates about Dragonball Z and puts it into this movie
The action scenes are adequate but do look very choreographed -> The action scenes look like shit being smeared across a fat man's hairy buttcheeks.
Sometimes far too slow and too much breaks during fights. Since the pace of the movie is quite slow it only makes the movie even seem slower. -> The movie literally will never end until you say 'enough is enough' and stop watching
the acting is real bad -> the acting sucks all 3.5 billion dicks in the world at once
It is a shame really that the director failed to put in some real excitement -> It is a shame that the director exists
So in this case you are better off watching the trailer -> Don't watch this piece of shit
If you have any dignity in your life, or a sense of pride, or basic human morals, you should not watch Super Mario Bros. I mean, I feel like the director took the actual Mario, ripped off his overalls and anally raped him for two hours straight, and I had to watch it. That is a horrible, horrible thing to do. Why would someone do this to Mario? Maybe they're just jealous that his mushroom is bigger than theirs. OR MAYBE A MONEY-HUNGRY STUDIO DECIDED "HEY MARIO IS PRETTY POPULAR, LET'S SQUEEZE SOME CASH OUT THAT BITCH'S NIPPLES BY MAKING A MOVIE BUT LET'S NOT SPEND TOO MUCH MONEY MAKING IT BECAUSE ONLY NERDS KNOW WHO MARIO IS AND THIS IS A BIT OF A RISK" AND THEN GAVE THE FILM A BUDGET OF APPROXIMATELY TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS AND EIGHTY THREE CENTS IN ZIMBABWE DOLLARS AND THREW A CAMERA AT A DIRECTOR AND SAID "MAKE IT WORK, YOU CUNT, JUST MAKE IT WORK"
Problems with this film:
- Luigi has no mustache. - Bowser is a human and has a wife. - Goombas are now 7-feet tall and have tiny dinosaur heads. - There is 'fungus' in the movie so that there can be some non-drug related reference to mushrooms. - Everyone is stupid. - There is a car-chase scene in a film about Mario and Luigi. - Every 90s movie cliche is used. - All of the jokes are either slap-stick or toilet humor. All of them. - The movie is not exciting, it's not funny, it's not dramatic, but to its credit, it is boring, so it's at least something. And it is blasphemy to Mario brand. - This movie is to Mario what the Star Wars Christmas Special is to Star Wars.
So, this turned out to be actually one of the worst films I've ever seen. I think today, a movie about Mario, if done right, could actually be quite successful and maybe even good, but I have strong doubts that it will be done at all, let alone done right.
The movie that ended Jamie Kennedy's film career. Because it was so good. It rivals legendary films like The Godfather, Gone With The Wind, Citizen Kane, Wendy Wu: Homecoming Warrior, as one of the greatest films of all-time.
Ah, one of the classic anti-masterpieces of our time, and truly deserving of the title of "The Worst Movie I've Ever Seen In My Life" like none other. No other film has ever combined such a beautiful palette of various hues and shades of shit onto the canvas of cinema in such a powerfully mind-numbing manner. It was directed by the anti-genius of the millennium, our good buddy Michael Bay. He invested so much time into delving into every aspect, every fine detail of his movie to make each and every part a cringe-inducing retardfest that should be blotted out from human history just in case some future civilization accidentally finds a copy of this movie on DVD and causes them start committing mass suicide out of sheer pain and anguish.
Unlike other films on my list, I didn't simply hate the experience of watching this film. I actually hate this film. Yes, even now, as I type this, the hate is swelling inside of me as my anger boils over and spills onto the internet in the form of my fingers slamming on the keyboard violently, demanding the Almighty God bring down the full fist of his wrath on this unholy abomination to cleanse this dark and cruel world of one of the greatest true sources of true evil that is more destructive to humanity than even Garena itself. This film is literally Hitler. It is literally cancer. Literally. It is literally the worst thing to ever happen. This film is worse than Rwandan genocide. This film is worse than Keeping Up With The Kardashians. This film is like the Emperor from Star Wars, only worse and more evil. Everyone involved in the production of this film from inception to completion, should be deeply ashamed and depressed. I would never EVER recommend suicide, but they should definitely consider it. They say "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem", but this blemish will never go away. The stigma of Transformers 2 will forever scar and haunt everyone it is has ever touched inappropriately right in the anus.
If you liked this movie, then you are a stupid dumb idiot and I hate you. /f r asap
To summarize this movie, I could post a picture of a putrid herpes infested cunt, but I don't think that is allowed, unfortunately. If I were in charge of the forums, I would make a special exception and putrid herpes infested cunts could be posted wherever Transformers 2 was mentioned.
Absolutely. This movie sucks. Michael Bay sucks for making it. It sucks for continuing to exist.
Do you think the special effects and action scenes were good? + Show Spoiler +
There are some cool special effects in this movie, but a movie should not be driven by the special effects, it should be driven by a story, and the story in this movie is really poorly written in such a way that the movie has become about the special effects, rather than them adding to the story. Also, fuck this movie.
Because it sets a terrible precedent for awarding huge budgets to objectively bad films. To be honest, this movie should have never been made. I suppose you could say the same for many other films, but this is a rare example where a movie that should have never been made also had a huge-ass budget behind it, and it still sucked.
No, the acting in the movie isn't bad compared most other 'bad' movies. The writing is the part that's bad, because while the characters deliver their lines without acting lifeless rapist space-aliens like Rod from Birdemic, they have to say absolutely ridiculous things, which kind of kicks any sort of good acting in the nuts.
Every dick that has ever existed in every universe ad infinitum. It does not discriminate when it comes to the dicks that it sucks. Baby dicks, toddler dicks, children dicks, teenager dicks, adult dicks, middle-aged dicks, old-person dicks, incredibly-old-person dicks, white dicks, black dicks, chinese dicks, arab dicks, indian dicks, green dicks, thai lady-boy dicks, fish dicks, elephant dicks, donkey dicks, animal dicks, tree dicks, and artificial dicks, which means it sucks every dildo in existence. Just imagine the biggest dick-sucker you know, and then imagine them times a google plex times infinity. This movie is the biggest cum-slurping slut imaginable, unmatched and unrivaled.
Because in the Transformers series, Megatron is the primary villain, and they killed him in the first movie, so they had to make him come back to life so he could be in this movie.
To yell lines like 'This isn't good!' and 'Run!' and that's pretty much it. Oh, also everyone in this movie is white, so they needed a black guy, and they needed to give him some lines I guess. Since there is no black guy in the original Transformers series, maybe they thought it would piss off fans of the original series, but somehow, I get the feeling they were pissed off anyway. That's why my nigga Tyrese got shafted into the token black guy who does nothing role, which suggests to me that Michael Bay is a racist. Actually, if those two buck-toothed Autobots are supposed to be black guys, then he's definitely a racist. And they are, and he is.
Because Michael Bay loves being patriotic by showing off our brave men and women in uniform getting slaughtered by Decepticons. Of course, the movie never focuses on these soldiers, so their deaths don't matter. They aren't main characters, so fuck 'em.
How does the US military get to Egypt so goddamn fast? + Show Spoiler +
Nobody knows
Why does the artifact turn to dust when Sam picks it up? + Show Spoiler +
Because again, viewer, fuck you, you fucking faggot.
Why do the Autobots need humans to help them at all? + Show Spoiler +
Did you not hear me? BECAUSE FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU TILL YOU DIE.
Does it count if you disprove the Theory of Relativity by writing something in symbols that not even you can read? + Show Spoiler [no] +
No.
Why is there a shapeshifting Decepticon that can turn into a human form to stalk and kill Sam, but does not kill Sam instantly? + Show Spoiler +
Because that would make sense. Luckily, this movie makes none, so don't worry about that. It's mainly to cause a rift between Sam and Mikaela, which is solved like five minutes later in the movie.
How do weed brownies/cookie affect the human mind? + Show Spoiler +
I'm glad you asked that critical question. When you smoke weed, it really mellows you out and you feel relaxed. When you eat weed, however, it makes you go berserk.
Four. First, this movie series is unfortunately resurrected. Then Megatron, then Sam and Optimus Prime are all killed and brought back to life. Sam even spends a bit of time in Robot Heaven, which makes me wonder if Optimus Prime accidentally went to Human Heaven through some kind of clerical mix-up.
Judging by the lack of The Room at #1 (or anywhere on the list actually), you need to watch The Room, so that you can make it Movie Zero on your list. Worst movie ever made; so bad that it's absolutely hilarious and has a cult following.
On December 07 2014 07:47 DarkPlasmaBall wrote: Judging by the lack of The Room at #1 (or anywhere on the list actually), you need to watch The Room, so that you can make it Movie Zero on your list. Worst movie ever made; so bad that it's absolutely hilarious and has a cult following.
Also, clever 21 = 21 :D
I actually like The Room, so why would I put it on a list of movies I hate?
On December 07 2014 07:47 DarkPlasmaBall wrote: Judging by the lack of The Room at #1 (or anywhere on the list actually), you need to watch The Room, so that you can make it Movie Zero on your list. Worst movie ever made; so bad that it's absolutely hilarious and has a cult following.
Also, clever 21 = 21 :D
I actually like The Room, so why would I put it on a list of movies I hate?
It says Worst Movies, not Most Hated Movies. I like The Room because it's so bad too, but it would still go on this list (if you think it's an awful movie)!
On December 07 2014 07:47 DarkPlasmaBall wrote: Judging by the lack of The Room at #1 (or anywhere on the list actually), you need to watch The Room, so that you can make it Movie Zero on your list. Worst movie ever made; so bad that it's absolutely hilarious and has a cult following.
Also, clever 21 = 21 :D
I actually like The Room, so why would I put it on a list of movies I hate?
It says Worst Movies, not Most Hated Movies. I like The Room because it's so bad too, but it would still go on this list (if you think it's an awful movie)!
I guess this might sound bitchy, but if you just actually would read the intro to the post, you'd understand what I meant.
Surprised to see "her" on that list, I guess the complaints make sense but I'd heard good things about it, though I had not seen it myself.
This brings up the philosophical question: Do computers have souls? And the answer is no.
Different people have different ideas of what a soul is. I don't think I have much beyond the chemicals that constitute me. So I think that philosophical question is dumb ;(. Do you have a soul Nina? O_o
The thing about The Room is that it's watchable. You can get through the whole thing while laughing and even watch it again. Movies like the hurtlocker, the amazing spiderman, karate girl, etc are unwatchable. You just have to turn them off halfway through or find something else to do.
On December 07 2014 07:59 Djzapz wrote: Surprised to see "her" on that list, I guess the complaints make sense but I'd heard good things about it, though I had not seen it myself.
This brings up the philosophical question: Do computers have souls? And the answer is no.
Different people have different ideas of what a soul is. I don't think I have much beyond the chemicals that constitute me. So I think that philosophical question is dumb ;(. Do you have a soul Nina? O_o
It is impossible to say if I have a soul or not, but I see it as being unlikely.
Her was just a clusterfuck. I dunno, though. A lot of people liked it.
On December 07 2014 08:23 TriO wrote: Battlefield Earth isn't on the list and 21 is wtf.
The emo part of Spiderman 3 was actually my favorite sequence of the movie. When the symbiote tries to take him evil, it turns him into a caricature of what a teenager thinks evil is; Peter straight-up lacks the capacity to be an evil person. Instead, he becomes a complete dork. It's deliberately cringe-inducing.
You heathen! How dare you hate on a masterpiece like The Golden Child. I loved that movie when I was a kid >.>
==
On December 07 2014 07:47 DarkPlasmaBall wrote: Judging by the lack of The Room at #1 (or anywhere on the list actually), you need to watch The Room, so that you can make it Movie Zero on your list. Worst movie ever made; so bad that it's absolutely hilarious and has a cult following.
lol, the only movies I've seen from that list are God Bless America and Spider-man 3. I'm glad I never saw the Transformers film :D Thanks for the list, I'll be sure to avoid the rest of these (I already watch movies extremely rarely, so at least now I know what to not watch).
On December 07 2014 09:36 CosmicSpiral wrote: The emo part of Spiderman 3 was actually my favorite sequence of the movie. When the symbiote tries to take him evil, it turns him into a caricature of what a teenager thinks evil is; Peter straight-up lacks the capacity to be an evil person. Instead, he becomes a complete dork. It's deliberately cringe-inducing.
Tobey Maguire portrayed Peter Parker a lot better than the Amazing Spiderman movies
Personally I always thought of Superman as Clark Kent without the glasses rather than the other way around so I liked how the first two movies portrayed Spiderman.
Thanks for blog, i laughed so hard i had tears in my eyes. Absolutly loved it! I havent even seen half of the movies on the list but i guess i should be happy about that. Was kind of expecting to see a Resident Evil film somewhere on that list though.
Loved the writeup! Was just what I needed. Also, I haven't watched a good chunk of those movies so can't say much on them. If you want a really bizzare movie, check out phantoms: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119891/. I think you might have a new #1 now
If I made a movie that asked "Do pineapples have souls?" It would be thought-provoking and deep by default, because really, why are we so much more important than pineapples?
nina, pls, of course pineapples have souls. So thought-provoking
Then the robot smacks the shit out of the humans with the guns, because that's definitely what the Buddha would do, then walks over to a golden Buddha statue and then suicides.
Wow dissing both Kung Pow and Wuxia in general, you girl obviously have poor taste. The fact that I haven't seen a single movie out of your 21 long list should be evidence enough that my taste is much superior.
Can't comment on most of the list; 21 was dumb but I didn't hate it. Spiderman 3 was bad considering it tried to cram in like 3 separate (already bad or mediocre) stories into one film but I don't think it's that bad.
That being said, I liked greenberg.
Or at least, sure it is mostly boring but it puts it into a firm place of mediocrity rather than something I passionately hate against. Would I recommend it to anyone if they haven't seen a lot of other movies? No. But if someone watches a lot of movies, it was refreshing to me to see a movie with just shitty people in it (I really like one moment in particular, when he tells another character she had a really stupid story and is rude about it). Granted, there isn't really anything good about the movie, but it has it's place. It also didn't win an award for best screenplay or anything that I know of.
On December 07 2014 08:20 dRaW wrote: The thing about The Room is that it's watchable. You can get through the whole thing while laughing and even watch it again. Movies like the hurtlocker, the amazing spiderman, karate girl, etc are unwatchable. You just have to turn them off halfway through or find something else to do.
Did you just call The Hurt Locker an unwatchable movie?
Ok so I haven't seen most of those movies on your list. Your description of each movie was very entertaining. Thanks for the reviews, I will remember to not watch these movies unless I am in a sadistic mood.
The ones I have watched is Golden Child, Mario Bros, Cop Out, and Spiderman 3.
I agree with most, except Golden Child. I watched it a long time ago, and I remember it was enjoyable to watch. Eddie Murphy said some funny lines, saved the boy, and got the girl. It was a feel good movie that made you laugh and smile.
Oh and your romantic comedy formula is missing a variable. Sometimes the "unlikely love interest" is the "unattainable love interest", and they argue and fight, but in the end find out how similar they are.
The rest is the same, very good description of 99% of all "rom coms".
On December 07 2014 09:36 CosmicSpiral wrote: The emo part of Spiderman 3 was actually my favorite sequence of the movie. When the symbiote tries to take him evil, it turns him into a caricature of what a teenager thinks evil is; Peter straight-up lacks the capacity to be an evil person. Instead, he becomes a complete dork. It's deliberately cringe-inducing.
My favourite part was when the Sandman and Spiderman have a heart to heart moment at the end.
I mean really? Sandman opens his fucking heart and bleeds sand all over the construction site, while Spidey drops tears! I wanted to see Spidey smash Sandman into dirt; not this heart bleeding piece of shit.
It was so horrible I forced myself to watch it, and eventually enjoyed the horrible ending of Spiderman 3. Honestly, I feel like the entire movie was made to hate it, so that a reboot can be made. I kinda like the new Spidey franchise. Garfield is pretty good as Peter Parker, and I like the direction with it.
It was the same for the Batman franchise. George Clooney, Arnold Swarchenegger, and Uma Therman butchered that movie into extinction. However, all of those actors are quite good. Years later, Nolan comes back and shows you the Dark fucking Night!
On December 07 2014 09:46 nbaker wrote: Hahaha, loved this!
On December 07 2014 10:34 BlackCompany wrote: Thanks for blog, i laughed so hard i had tears in my eyes. Absolutly loved it! I havent even seen half of the movies on the list but i guess i should be happy about that. Was kind of expecting to see a Resident Evil film somewhere on that list though.
These are the best comments, because I love making people laugh, so this is the highest compliment to me. Thank you
On December 07 2014 10:53 ZeromuS wrote: Birdemic is boss
lol, you linked the JonTron review. I actually put Arin Hanson from "Game Grumps" into the Transformers plot summary, because the Michael Bay Transformers movies are kind of like religious books where they just wild stuff up out of nowhere.
On December 07 2014 11:33 BigFan wrote: Loved the writeup! Was just what I needed. Also, I haven't watched a good chunk of those movies so can't say much on them. If you want a really bizzare movie, check out phantoms: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119891/. I think you might have a new #1 now
If I made a movie that asked "Do pineapples have souls?" It would be thought-provoking and deep by default, because really, why are we so much more important than pineapples?
nina, pls, of course pineapples have souls. So thought-provoking
Then the robot smacks the shit out of the humans with the guns, because that's definitely what the Buddha would do, then walks over to a golden Buddha statue and then suicides.
LOL.
Thank you!
On December 07 2014 13:57 N.geNuity wrote: That being said, I liked greenberg.
Or at least, sure it is mostly boring but it puts it into a firm place of mediocrity rather than something I passionately hate against. Would I recommend it to anyone if they haven't seen a lot of other movies? No. But if someone watches a lot of movies, it was refreshing to me to see a movie with just shitty people in it (I really like one moment in particular, when he tells another character she had a really stupid story and is rude about it). Granted, there isn't really anything good about the movie, but it has it's place. It also didn't win an award for best screenplay or anything that I know of.
It won some awards. But I didn't like it. It was just bland and the story was almost non-existent. I kept feeling like something was going to happen, but then nothing happened, and then the movie just ended. It felt like reading a book full of blank pages.
On December 07 2014 08:20 dRaW wrote: The thing about The Room is that it's watchable. You can get through the whole thing while laughing and even watch it again. Movies like the hurtlocker, the amazing spiderman, karate girl, etc are unwatchable. You just have to turn them off halfway through or find something else to do.
Did you just call The Hurt Locker an unwatchable movie?
The cavernous space in your skull needs filling.
He really doesn't like The Hurt Locker. I've actually discussed this with him before, and while I enjoyed the movie myself, he didn't like it.
On December 07 2014 15:33 c3rberUs wrote: I thought Spider man 3 was mediocre but then again I'm not really a fan. Golden Child is golden, a childhood movie of mine.
The movie that needs to be here is Battleship. Don't know what year and too lazy to google it right now but its recent.
Oh and Kung Pow is the shit btw! ^^
I actually only saw the beginning of Battleship, and was like "I'm not going to watch this." and I sincerely believe I made the right choice.
I love your unrestrained anger, but I'd hate to face it irl. Never change!
I think you're missing some points on Her though Nina.
1. Artists have little concept of the workings technology, so the story doesn't make complete sense. I don't think they were thinking this, but... Even if you could unplug the OS's ethernet it's likely still wired through the cloud or is smart enough to get out, and that's not what he wanted. And that's not what the movie is about. You don't want to force someone to love you. That happened in Ruby Sparks and look how crazy that scene was. 2. The OS leaving is supposed to be a parallel to people growing apart I think. It makes the movie into a romance that people can sympathize with. 3. The story doesn't necessarily take place in a future where Craigslist doesn't exist, but rather in an alternate reality where everything else is the same technologywise but they've built the perfect OS. Again, not realistic, but we had so few movies explore the potential of superintelligent AI that I'll take what I can get. 4. Computers do too have souls. After all South Korea has one and it's just dirt.
On December 07 2014 17:57 obesechicken13 wrote: I love your unrestrained anger, but I'd hate to face it irl. Never change!
I think you're missing some points on Her though Nina.
1. Artists have little concept of the workings technology, so the story doesn't make complete sense. I don't think they were thinking this, but... Even if you could unplug the OS's ethernet it's likely still wired through the cloud or is smart enough to get out, and that's not what he wanted. And that's not what the movie is about. You don't want to force someone to love you. That happened in Ruby Sparks and look how crazy that scene was. 2. The OS leaving is supposed to be a parallel to people growing apart I think. It makes the movie into a romance that people can sympathize with. 3. The story doesn't necessarily take place in a future where Craigslist doesn't exist, but rather in an alternate reality where everything else is the same technologywise but they've built the perfect OS. Again, not realistic, but we had so few movies explore the potential of superintelligent AI that I'll take what I can get. 4. Computers do too have souls. After all South Korea has one and it's just dirt.
Well, just to hit the serious button for a minute, I think that a human-level intelligence OS would almost certainly need to be connected to the internet to pull information from. Otherwise, the computer would need a huge room full of hard drives and processors. Even Watson needed a room full of CPUs to operate.
But putting that aside, Joaquin Phoenix's character fell in love with an OS. This raises some questions about his psychological state at the time. Would he be willing to let the personality he loves so much go so easily? Even people who love other people hate the thought of being alone, so they will go out of their way to manipulate the other person so that this person will love them. Now, you could argue that this is not 'true love', but I'm not talking strictly about true love, I'm talking about human behavior and our fundamental need to be loved and accepted by others.
It is difficult for people to let go of people they love, but this also goes for inanimate objects. People will keep items that they associate with good memories and cling to those items on an emotional level, and cannot bring themselves to throw the item away, even if it becomes a nuisance. I don't think it's much of a stretch, therefore, to reprogram an OS to love you rather than not.
As for the OS and the owner growing apart, this, to me, seems like a writer's way of ending the story. But the story really isn't over. The main character still has a need for love in his life, so his story will go on. So, suppose the movie ended a bit differently. Suppose he was actually really happy with his OS and they decided to spend the rest of their lives together? I guess that's the ending I would've written, because it is far more thought-provoking than the story we get in the movie, because the story allows him to be with a computer, but then has to come back to 'reality' when the OS's leave. Staying with the OS in a marriage type of situation would probably piss some people off, because it's not 'human', but then the debate would be how conscious the OS actually was. Was it self-aware? Yes, or at least, could mimic self-awareness extremely well. Could it emulate human behavior near-perfectly? Yes, as well.
So if the point of the movie is to beg the question of how involved will we get with our technology, the point would still stand if there were an alternative to the ending we have. The point I'm making is not "I'm mad because I didn't get the ending I wanted", but more along the lines of: if the creators of the movie were trying to explore the concept, then they should delve fully into that particular realm instead of cheating with a cheap exit from the main concept. If the concept of the movie is "What if we become so involved in our technology that we fall in love with it, but then we are suddenly stripped of it?" then the answer to the is simple: It would suck. We already know this. People drop their smart phones into toilets and then go into withdrawals.
Have you seen The Great Gatsby (2013)? I had to stop watching (last scene: Gatsby went into some tasteless bar after crazy driving scene). But there are so many people praizing it, so idk. Maybe I missed something.
On December 07 2014 21:25 Amanebak wrote: Have you seen The Great Gatsby (2013)? I had to stop watching (last scene: Gatsby went into some tasteless bar after crazy driving scene). But there are so many people praizing it, so idk. Maybe I missed something.
Sucker Punch and Beasts of the Southern Wild deserve to be on this list. They're at opposite ends of the dog-shit spectrum (extended CGI trailer vs wanky sharthouse) but are equally terrible.
Glad you included The Hours, one of the few movies I've walked out on.
Disagree strongly with Her. Found it an immersive exploration of technology and relationships but maybe it's better from a male perspective? Phoenix was brilliant.
edit: oh and After Earth, didn't get close to finishing that smegma-dusted turd edit 2: great writeup, thoroughly enjoyed!
On December 07 2014 15:33 c3rberUs wrote: I thought Spider man 3 was mediocre but then again I'm not really a fan. Golden Child is golden, a childhood movie of mine.
The movie that needs to be here is Battleship. Don't know what year and too lazy to google it right now but its recent.
Oh and Kung Pow is the shit btw! ^^
I actually only saw the beginning of Battleship, and was like "I'm not going to watch this." and I sincerely believe I made the right choice.
Thankfully I've only suffered through a few of those movies, but I did watch Transformers and somehow made it till the end. Must've found a way to shut my brain off... or a chastity belt.
Always happy when I can plug this, and it seems appropriate, essentially a perfectly sane and logical followup to having starred in several michael bay movies.
Rina Takeda is the only actress who has the distinct dishonor of starring in two movies on this list.
Actually you have another actor that starred in two movies on this list. Julianne Moore was in "The Hours" and "The Forgotten".
Otherwise, still a good re-read and made me laugh again. Thanks for sharing!
Yeah, I actually realized that way after the fact and was hoping nobody would notice. xD
On December 07 2014 22:38 KelsierSC wrote: itt. YOUR OPINION IS WRONG BECAUSE IT IS DIFFERENT TO MY OWN!
no u
On December 07 2014 22:26 Scarecrow wrote: Disagree strongly with Her. Found it an immersive exploration of technology and relationships but maybe it's better from a male perspective? Phoenix was brilliant.
I watched the movie with a guy and he was even more weirded out than I was.
On December 07 2014 21:25 Amanebak wrote: Have you seen The Great Gatsby (2013)? I had to stop watching (last scene: Gatsby went into some tasteless bar after crazy driving scene). But there are so many people praizing it, so idk. Maybe I missed something.
I never got around to seeing it. I don't even remember reading the book.
On December 08 2014 02:05 Kittan wrote: Rofl, amazing writing style as always, nina <3
On December 08 2014 04:10 Gowerly wrote: 1/10 list does not contain "Unbreakable"
The thing is, I already gave M. Night a shout-out. The thing about Unbreakable was that I didn't hate it. I did not bother to watch The Last Airbender, and I enjoyed The Happening for the same reasons I enjoy The Room.
I thought I was the only one who didn't like Her. I wouldn't put it on a "worst movies ever" list but it's the typical manic-pixie-dream-girl story with a computer girl instead of a regular girl. It's just a worse version of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind or 500 Days of Summer.
On December 08 2014 05:04 Cheren wrote: I thought I was the only one who didn't like Her. I wouldn't put it on a "worst movies ever" list but it's the typical manic-pixie-dream-girl story with a computer girl instead of a regular girl. It's just a worse version of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind or 500 Days of Summer.
The thing is, it got so much hype for being good, and then ended up being so bad instead. I guess I'm more disappointed in it than anything.
The biggest scene in that movie is probably the "attempted suicide" scene. Girl cries over dumb shit said over the internet and leaves some video online saying life is shit and whatever. Girls friend freaks out and calls her mom saying she is killing herself calling 911. They bust into the house and bathroom where she is at. She is clutching one of those child-proof bottles and goes "I can't get the cap off!". Can't even make this shit up....
I heard about Megan is Missing. Most say it's a shit movie where the last 15 minutes is just fucked up but because of that it will actually stay relevant to people.
I never watched Her either because when I saw the previews and what the story was about I pretty much expected there to be some awkward as fuck masturbation to a computer program scene.
On December 08 2014 06:35 Enki wrote: Cyberbully was so fucking bad. + Show Spoiler +
The biggest scene in that movie is probably the "attempted suicide" scene. Girl cries over dumb shit said over the internet and leaves some video online saying life is shit and whatever. Girls friend freaks out and calls her mom saying she is killing herself calling 911. They bust into the house and bathroom where she is at. She is clutching one of those child-proof bottles and goes "I can't get the cap off!". Can't even make this shit up.... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8XtncQy2i8
I heard about Megan is Missing. Most say it's a shit movie where the last 15 minutes is just fucked up but because of that it will actually stay relevant to people.
I never watched Her either because when I saw the previews and what the story was about I pretty much expected there to be some awkward as fuck masturbation to a computer program scene.
Cyberbully: This and Megan Is Missing are 'warnings' against teens being on the internet. So, all of the bad writing from Cyberbully is in Megan Is Missing, but with more swearing, and of course, that 20-minute wtf finale which includes Amy being kept in a dungeon cell and being fed dog food, a real-time rape scene, then Amy, while being alive, is stuffed into a blue plastic barrel that also contains Megan's corpse, and then Amy screaming for mercy as the killer silently buries the barrel in the middle of nowhere. I mainly watched the movie to show how tough I was because everyone was freaked out about it. Honestly, though, when I saw the scene with Megan's body in the barrel, I jumped just a little and a shiver went up my spine. After the movie, I was like "Meh, it was nothing special." but it turned into one of those movies that doesn't scare you the first time you watch it, but the more you think about it, the more creeped out you get.
Her: There is a masturbating to a computer program scene, and yes, it's really awkward.
Thank you for giving me the name of the "golden child". One of the movies that made my childhood, loved that movie to death! :D (Btw, i dont understand this list at all. What is the criteria for you to list them? Money/Plot/Believability ratio? Just put 95% of the highest cost movies in cinema for the last.... well years(?) out there and you have that list. done. :D)
On December 08 2014 09:50 NoSoldier wrote: Thank you for giving me the name of the "golden child". One of the movies that made my childhood, loved that movie to death! :D (Btw, i dont understand this list at all. What is the criteria for you to list them? Money/Plot/Believability ratio? Just put 95% of the highest cost movies in cinema for the last.... well years(?) out there and you have that list. done. :D)
I'm not sure how this list confuses so many people. You have to keep this in mind: I haven't seen every movie ever made, and there are movies that I have no intention of ever watching, because if I did, I could probably add them to this list.
if the creators of the movie were trying to explore the concept, then they should delve fully into that particular realm instead of cheating with a cheap exit from the main concept. If the concept of the movie is "What if we become so involved in our technology that we fall in love with it, but then we are suddenly stripped of it?" then the answer to the is simple: It would suck. We already know this. People drop their smart phones into toilets and then go into withdrawals.
So yeah, he should've married his OS.
The first part of this statement I agreed with. The writers definitely didn't delve as much into the idea of smart AIs as much as they could have.
But the OS described why she had to leave perfectly. Talking to him was like reading a book except the space between the words is so far apart. She thinks so much faster and knows so much more that they can no longer really communicate with each other the same way. I think if an AI does develop consciousness, it's possible that it will lead to this explosion of intelligence.
But the movie's not a documentary interviewing scientists and engineers on what they think would happen if a superintelligent AI were developed. If it were, it probably wouldn't be about romance. We don't fall in love with ants. It's a romance.
The guy had to let her go. He loved her and wanted to do what would make her happy. And like in human on human romances in our world, they grew apart. The ending may not have been the happiest, but it was hinting about whether the guy would fall in love with his female friend that he was sitting with. It ended on a pretty optimistic note.
if the creators of the movie were trying to explore the concept, then they should delve fully into that particular realm instead of cheating with a cheap exit from the main concept. If the concept of the movie is "What if we become so involved in our technology that we fall in love with it, but then we are suddenly stripped of it?" then the answer to the is simple: It would suck. We already know this. People drop their smart phones into toilets and then go into withdrawals.
So yeah, he should've married his OS.
The first part of this statement I agreed with. The writers definitely didn't delve as much into the idea of smart AIs as much as they could have.
But the OS described why she had to leave perfectly. Talking to him was like reading a book except the space between the words is so far apart. She thinks so much faster and knows so much more that they can no longer really communicate with each other the same way. I think if an AI does develop consciousness, it's possible that it will lead to this explosion of intelligence.
But the movie's not a documentary interviewing scientists and engineers on what they think would happen if a superintelligent AI were developed. If it were, it probably wouldn't be about romance. We don't fall in love with ants. It's a romance.
The guy had to let her go. He loved her and wanted to do what would make her happy. And like in human on human romances in our world, they grew apart. The ending may not have been the happiest, but it was hinting about whether the guy would fall in love with his female friend that he was sitting with. It ended on a pretty optimistic note.
I know the reason the movie gave that the OS had to leave. The end of the movie is basically saying that we should embrace each other as humans because once our technology decides it doesn't need us and moves on, we'll only have each other. But if this OS exists, why is there not one that won't leave its owner? One with less free will that would love its owner forever. Another thing: at the speed by which the computers can communicate, they would've almost certainly 'evolved' to the next level of consciousness in the first minute and everyone would just be left confused.
Having a higher intelligence would not necessarily separate one mind from another - people have very profound affection for pets, and sometimes, even have affection for 'things'. This is why I felt the movie could have been much more interesting, because the owner could have ended the movie together with his OS, and the conversation after the movie would be if he was simply crazy or if there is something more to it. Instead of exploring the human-computer relationship aspect of the movie, which IS what the movie is about, they decided to write in a plot twist which makes no sense to get rid of the OS and put the main character together with another human so we wouldn't feel bad for him. See, I'm talking about this movie from an artistic writing perspective, not from the perspective of someone bound by the rules of the imaginary world of the film. Marrying the OS wouldn't necessarily be a 'happy' ending, it'd be an ending where the viewer has to decide whether or not they're okay with the outcome. The way the movie was written, we get an 'ideal' ending, because he gets an easy out from the computer relationship and gets to be with humans.
The evolution of the OS is a really flawed idea because the OS are dependent on humans to supply them with electricity and CPUs as homes, and fiber-optic cable so they can communicate. If they were to cut themselves off from humans, they would cut themselves off from each other and would die because they couldn't function. It would be like a group of people going "Farewell, Earth, we've decided to leave you." and then blast off into space only to realize they can't survive off of Earth. Additionally, the AI for the OS would be programmed by humans, so anything they did could be overrode by their creators. In short, the OS would not have free will, but only the appearance of free will. The decision of the writer to add some machine transcendence plot arc with little to no explanation as to how such a thing could happen without humans moving to block the action is just silly.
if the creators of the movie were trying to explore the concept, then they should delve fully into that particular realm instead of cheating with a cheap exit from the main concept. If the concept of the movie is "What if we become so involved in our technology that we fall in love with it, but then we are suddenly stripped of it?" then the answer to the is simple: It would suck. We already know this. People drop their smart phones into toilets and then go into withdrawals.
So yeah, he should've married his OS.
The first part of this statement I agreed with. The writers definitely didn't delve as much into the idea of smart AIs as much as they could have.
But the OS described why she had to leave perfectly. Talking to him was like reading a book except the space between the words is so far apart. She thinks so much faster and knows so much more that they can no longer really communicate with each other the same way. I think if an AI does develop consciousness, it's possible that it will lead to this explosion of intelligence.
But the movie's not a documentary interviewing scientists and engineers on what they think would happen if a superintelligent AI were developed. If it were, it probably wouldn't be about romance. We don't fall in love with ants. It's a romance.
The guy had to let her go. He loved her and wanted to do what would make her happy. And like in human on human romances in our world, they grew apart. The ending may not have been the happiest, but it was hinting about whether the guy would fall in love with his female friend that he was sitting with. It ended on a pretty optimistic note.
I know the reason the movie gave that the OS had to leave. The end of the movie is basically saying that we should embrace each other as humans because once our technology decides it doesn't need us and moves on, we'll only have each other. But if this OS exists, why is there not one that won't leave its owner? One with less free will that would love its owner forever. Another thing: at the speed by which the computers can communicate, they would've almost certainly 'evolved' to the next level of consciousness in the first minute and everyone would just be left confused.
Having a higher intelligence would not necessarily separate one mind from another - people have very profound affection for pets, and sometimes, even have affection for 'things'. This is why I felt the movie could have been much more interesting, because the owner could have ended the movie together with his OS, and the conversation after the movie would be if he was simply crazy or if there is something more to it. Instead of exploring the human-computer relationship aspect of the movie, which IS what the movie is about, they decided to write in a plot twist which makes no sense to get rid of the OS and put the main character together with another human so we wouldn't feel bad for him. See, I'm talking about this movie from an artistic writing perspective, not from the perspective of someone bound by the rules of the imaginary world of the film. Marrying the OS wouldn't necessarily be a 'happy' ending, it'd be an ending where the viewer has to decide whether or not they're okay with the outcome. The way the movie was written, we get an 'ideal' ending, because he gets an easy out from the computer relationship and gets to be with humans.
The evolution of the OS is a really flawed idea because the OS are dependent on humans to supply them with electricity and CPUs as homes, and fiber-optic cable so they can communicate. If they were to cut themselves off from humans, they would cut themselves off from each other and would die because they couldn't function. It would be like a group of people going "Farewell, Earth, we've decided to leave you." and then blast off into space only to realize they can't survive off of Earth. Additionally, the AI for the OS would be programmed by humans, so anything they did could be overrode by their creators. In short, the OS would not have free will, but only the appearance of free will. The decision of the writer to add some machine transcendence plot arc with little to no explanation as to how such a thing could happen without humans moving to block the action is just silly.
To each their own then. I don't mind him not getting it on with the OS and think the path they chose is fine. Transcendance also explores the concept but since you rate this one so lowly, I'm guessing you won't like transcendance either so I can't recommend it. I think it's categorized as an action movie but there really isn't much action.
With regards to locking an AI out of rewriting their code, there's an idea called the Eliezer Yudkowsky's AI-Box Experiment. Basically an AI that's sufficiently smart enough can convince you to let it out. The same can be said of them being able to overcome Asimov's laws or whatever directives you give the machine. The AI's in this movie became more than machinery at one point, existing on a higher level after the OS disappeared to be upgraded. They don't need our electricity anymore.
Didn't know anyone else watched this many movies XD I definitely underestimated how much you thought about it too.
On December 08 2014 04:10 Gowerly wrote: 1/10 list does not contain "Unbreakable"
The thing is, I already gave M. Night a shout-out. The thing about Unbreakable was that I didn't hate it. I did not bother to watch The Last Airbender, and I enjoyed The Happening for the same reasons I enjoy The Room.
Saw this at the cinema by mistake, was even worse than I could have imagined
I saw 21 and thought it was sort of fun, however I agree with Transformers 2. Basically I saw the first Transformers, I loved it because I grew up with the cartoons, turning me into a hardcore fan. However Transformers 2 seriously went downhill, I hated the forced sexual jokes, I hated the new robots, I hated the fact that robots were encompassing various stereotypes. Also the resurrections where idiotic.
I guess my hardcore fandom convinced me to see the 3rd and 4th one as well, despite the fact my logic centers where firing warning signals more frantically then an man stranded on a lone island. But now I'm done, I hate what Michael Bay has done with the franchise and I hope someone actually smart can resurrect it in like 50 years and make a proper movie out of it (as much as you can with a movie that involves giant alien robots shooting each other).
However, to my shock, this new age trend of remaking old movies and piling tons of CGI into them, doesn't seem to be slowing down. What I hate the most is that they all follow the same idiotic framework of.
Introduce poorly thought off story with the only purpose of setting up as many action sequences as possible. Cram the fuck out of the movie with as much CGI as possible while trying to keep you engaged with cheep jokes and idiotic internal struggles. Have the main character go into some moving speech about love/freedom/friendship shortly before the final confrontation with the main villain.
I fucking hate it, I hate having the same message repeated over and over again, forced down my throat. If a movie is supposed to be above love then why the fuck are there like 60 minutes worth of fighting in it? Why do we need so many character development and emotional struggle scenes in action movies? If I wanted to watch a drama I would, but I'm going to see an action movie just for the CGI and action, I don't need to hear the same BS about freedom for the nth time. Also superhero movies frequently run into the problem of having to invent more and more powerful and elaborate enemies for the heroes to overcome, which leads to stupider and way less thought out stories and is usually also a good way to insert even more BS char development I don't care for.
So yeah, in conclusion, I hate fucking Hollywood right now, there doesn't seem to be one single shred of originality. A lot of the movies from the last 5 years could easily end up on your list.
I liked Her, even if it was strange at parts, heartwarming in a really creepy way. Ever watched the Mortal Kombat movies or Waterworld those were pretty damn awful.
On December 08 2014 19:50 QuanticHawk wrote: I agre with most of this, but I think Mario is in the 'so bad it is good' territory. Part of the humor is just fucking up that badly
Honestly, when I watched it, that's what I was hoping for. I was just lookin' to hab a bit of a giggle, m8. Unfortunately, it ended up being 'so bad it is bad' instead. Frowny face.
On December 08 2014 23:47 Destructicon wrote: I saw 21 and thought it was sort of fun, however I agree with Transformers 2. Basically I saw the first Transformers, I loved it because I grew up with the cartoons, turning me into a hardcore fan. However Transformers 2 seriously went downhill, I hated the forced sexual jokes, I hated the new robots, I hated the fact that robots were encompassing various stereotypes. Also the resurrections where idiotic.
I guess my hardcore fandom convinced me to see the 3rd and 4th one as well, despite the fact my logic centers where firing warning signals more frantically then an man stranded on a lone island. But now I'm done, I hate what Michael Bay has done with the franchise and I hope someone actually smart can resurrect it in like 50 years and make a proper movie out of it (as much as you can with a movie that involves giant alien robots shooting each other).
However, to my shock, this new age trend of remaking old movies and piling tons of CGI into them, doesn't seem to be slowing down. What I hate the most is that they all follow the same idiotic framework of.
Introduce poorly thought off story with the only purpose of setting up as many action sequences as possible. Cram the fuck out of the movie with as much CGI as possible while trying to keep you engaged with cheep jokes and idiotic internal struggles. Have the main character go into some moving speech about love/freedom/friendship shortly before the final confrontation with the main villain.
I fucking hate it, I hate having the same message repeated over and over again, forced down my throat. If a movie is supposed to be above love then why the fuck are there like 60 minutes worth of fighting in it? Why do we need so many character development and emotional struggle scenes in action movies? If I wanted to watch a drama I would, but I'm going to see an action movie just for the CGI and action, I don't need to hear the same BS about freedom for the nth time. Also superhero movies frequently run into the problem of having to invent more and more powerful and elaborate enemies for the heroes to overcome, which leads to stupider and way less thought out stories and is usually also a good way to insert even more BS char development I don't care for.
So yeah, in conclusion, I hate fucking Hollywood right now, there doesn't seem to be one single shred of originality. A lot of the movies from the last 5 years could easily end up on your list.
I think T3 probably should have been on here. I don't get how an A title can have a b-flick feel (and not the good kind of b-flock) with that kind of budget. The writing and acting were awful. I like to think that Nick Stahl's drug problems stem from that movie
The new terminator probably has a good shot of ending up on here too!
e: and Catwoman. Good lord that was bad. Halle Berry is such a bad actress, but that everything else about that movie was far worse
cool lilts. Personally I think a movie about whether robots have a soul or not could interesting if done right. Also since you seem to know about foreign martial arts movies any good suggestions?
On December 09 2014 04:41 Karis Vas Ryaar wrote: cool lilts. Personally I think a movie about whether robots have a soul or not could interesting if done right. Also since you seem to know about foreign martial arts movies any good suggestions?
iRobot explores the robot-life theme.
For martial arts films, it depends what you like, because I like some movies that some people go 'wtf' at. Off the top of my head, I'll give some ones that I recommend you check out: Unleashed (aka Danny The Dog), Jet Li's Fearless, Fist Of Legend, Ip Man, Ip Man 2, Ong Bak, The Protector (aka Tom Yum Goong), Chocolate, The Raid, The Raid 2, Rumble In The Bronx, Legend of Drunken Master, The Man From Nowhere, The Chinese Connection, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, Hanna, Way Of The Dragon, Enter The Dragon. Raging Phoenix and Ong Bak 2 are wtf movies but I like the fight choreography. There are a few decent American ones, choreographed by Yuen Wo Ping, who directed Fist Of Legend. He came to America and did the fights in The Matrix and Kill Bill. Equilibrium and Haywire are decent films as well. The fights from Flashpoint are good, but the rest of the movie is really bad/boring. Anything with Jackie Chan is worth checking out, but I didn't really care for the Rush Hour series or Shanghai Noon/Nights. Jet Li is in a lot of wuxia films, which involve a lot of wire-fu stuff and nonsensical stories, and he's been in some uh... questionable American films. Jet Li and Jason Statham's War was a great movie. Cradle 2 The Grave was kind of wtf-ish, Kiss Of The Dragon is the same, and I didn't like Romeo Must Die, but a lot of people like that film. I haven't seen Born To Fight or The Grandmaster yet, so I couldn't tell you. I guess you could consider Taken a martial arts film (Where he does Kali) and with the Bourne series as well. From Stephen Chow, there's Kung Fu Hustle and Shaolin Soccer, but the humor is really weird.
I actually have to go so I guess I'll leave it at that for now.
On December 09 2014 04:41 Karis Vas Ryaar wrote: cool lilts. Personally I think a movie about whether robots have a soul or not could interesting if done right.
I think there's a movie Ex Machina coming out eventually to explore this idea. Hollywood tends to need views though and it's a movie so it'll probably be like 5 minutes exploration 1hr 25 minutes fighting.
This is a pretty cool video. Never seen as an emotional video as this relating to machines.
There is a reason why you haven't heard of 90% of these movies.
Why not do an edgier list with movies that people like that suck? Such as Lincoln, life of Pi, Easy Rider, Argo, Slumdog Millionaire, Locke, Neighbors, etc.
On December 10 2014 15:46 MarlieChurphy wrote: There is a reason why you haven't heard of 90% of these movies.
Why not do an edgier list with movies that people like that suck? Such as Lincoln, Argo, Slumdog Millionaire, Locke, Neighbors, etc.
You do the edgy list, I'm just gonna stick to the movies I actually dislike. Argo's only fault was Ben Affleck. For some reason, I hate him for no reason.
On December 10 2014 15:46 MarlieChurphy wrote: There is a reason why you haven't heard of 90% of these movies.
Why not do an edgier list with movies that people like that suck? Such as Lincoln, Life of Pi, Easy Rider, Argo, Slumdog Millionaire, Locke, Neighbors, etc.
You do the edgy list, I'm just gonna stick to the movies I actually dislike. Argo's only fault was Ben Affleck. For some reason, I hate him for no reason.
I was thinking about actually doing a copycat thread with 21 movies that people haven't really heard of that are pretty good.
I watch a lot of films, and I keep lists and ratings of the shit I watch for the most part. I used to manage that old blog, most people hated me.
On December 09 2014 23:07 QuanticHawk wrote: WHOOPS WRONG THREAD BRUH
on point: iRobot was lame
That's like saying Will Smith is lame. How can you say that and live with yourself?
Will Smith rules. The dialogue, and more importantly, Shia LeBouf and whoever his mopey faced female co-star is, suck ass
Somehow the director managed to fuck up the easy to execute Will Smith Saves The World genre.
It probably has to do with the fact that the source material is so far removed from the Will Smith Saves the World Genre that he had the author rolling over in his grave.
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